You v Her
I have grown weary of the incumbent primary supply. The fuel that ought to be provided at a premium level has become diminished in quantity and quality. Whilst it still flows as part of the devaluation that continues, the time has come to audition for your replacement. I am courting you following my usual preparatory work once you have been targeted and I have now commenced your seduction. You are not alone. I am seducing someone else as well. It makes sense to have an insurance policy after all. You won’t know about this competitor (at least not yet) but believe me that when you are in the early stages of being seduced by our kind, it is highly likely that I was seducing someone else. In order to identify the best source of fuel so we choose the most effective primary source, we will set a number of tests. These tests are not so arduous that they will risk the seduction failing, but are designed to ascertain which of the two, or more, competing prospects provides the best fuel. This current performance amounts to a strong indicator of future performance. Here are ten of the tests that are commonly utilised.
- Sending the same text message to both prospects to see who responds the fastest.
- Sending the same text message to both prospects without concerns as to the speed of reply but as to which provides the best fuel-laden response.
- Arranging a date with both prospects and then cancelling (with a view to re-arranging of course) to determine who is the most disappointed and which of the prospects tries to keep the date alive by making adjustments and alternative suggestions.
- Calling both prospects in the middle of the night to see who answers.
- Sending the same gift at the same time to see who thanks us the fastest and in the most appreciative manner.
- If sexual coupling has occurred at this early juncture, then sleeping with you both in the space of 24 hours (or less) in order to determine who is the more fuel accomplished lover.
- Feigning a minor emergency and seeing who responds the fastest and with the greatest concern and compassion.
- Suggesting a date when I know that the prospects have something else on to see who will break their existing engagement in order to see me.
- Having a lieutenant try to arrange a date with you to see if you rebuff him and make mention of me.
- Holding a social media challenge to see how many likes, re-tweets, comments each prospect applies to my postings in a three-day period to see who posts the most and provides the most fuel.
Not only does this contest between the two prospects provide us with plenty of fuel coming from two fuel lines, it enables us to determine who we should focus our greater efforts on to ensure they are seduced and become our intimate partner and primary source. If the contest is too close to call after the ten tests above, then additional tests will be applied and the ten above will be re-run also. The winner becomes our intimate partner but the loser does not go home empty handed, not at all. They are likely to be awarded the status of inner or outer circle friend and they will be kept within our sphere of influence as a supplier of fuel. They also a future role to play in a prospective triangulation and there may even be a promotion in the offing at some point….
28 thoughts on “You v Her”
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I caught my ex doing this long after he stopped talking to the other. He tried to write it off as “just friends”.. as did she, for a while.. because she had a boyfriend.. But I read some of the messages and it was way beyond that. Because she had a boyfriend and because the last thing they were supposed to do together, that he blew off, never even talking to her again after that until I found the messages etc. Was go to a party together. It was her boyfriend party. Anyway, I always felt like he resented me and punished me for being the one that ended up being his primary source. She was 19, I was 30.. Among other things. Could this be the case?
“Having a lieutenant try to arrange a date with you to see if you rebuff him and make mention of me.”
– Why? What kind of ‘friend’ would do this?
/iroll
The same kind. Or one that wants a favourable outcome for themselves from the transaction.
A pick-up artist tag team? That’s so… impotent.
Ed Kemper would puke when girls talked to him, so he had to cut off their heads. Predators are such fragile creatures.
#6
Haha. The WINNER turns out to be the one who phones it in.
HG,
it means you narcs (as opossed to other men) like easy chicks (sorry girls, and yes, looks like I was one of them to some point, he discarded me when I started to respect myself and set the boundaries).
In a normal dating world, “mama says”: girl you need to respect yourself, don’t do everything for a guy, it is his job to win you.
And often it is true – guys like the chase, they like girls who are out of reach. And narcs? You like girls who cling to you, jump to your bed, refuse to go home, make you breakfast in the morning.
Yes, it was not for me. I always felt that he wants me to be a man in this relationship. Of course he was seducing me, giving flowers, but it was something like a deal “I’ll be giving you flowers as long as you will be easy, manipulated puppet whose world revolves around me”.
I don’t like men who go for the easiest girl in the room. And these are narcs.
Incorrect.
HG
Re: Easy chicks
Do you mean incorrect in relation to your IPPS choice only? Because it appears that you do include some easy choices in other areas of your fuel matrix.
Some appliances are easily conquered, others are not. It is incorrect to assert a blanket proposition that all victims are “easy” to ensnare.
Would this (the easy chicks part) depend on the cadre as well HG? Or fuel level? For example the narcissist I was involved with didn’t really care about my wealth, or other materialistic stuff, even looks seemd not to interest him much. Maybe it was a nice bonus but not the main thing. He was a cerebral narcissist and was more interested in my academics, my network and certain subjects he found interesting and wanting to know more about.
HG, you have just described my dating style besides #8 and #9 (which I don’t do, too needy… but has been done to me) I see no issues in undertaking this form of vetting potential playmates or primary/secondary sources : ) or just liking the attention (some fuel)
And I am not at all easy.
Hello EmpathAsks,
It dependes entirely on which school of narc you are dealing with. The high-functioning narcs have very high standards concerning their IPPS. They do not go for the easy fruit …quite the contrary. They have high standards concerning character traits and residual benefits. I.ex. moral values-since you function as their moral compass-, honesty , faithfulness ,decency etc.
Actually my ex seduced me in an extremely romantic gentleman ( old fashion?) way. He wanted and expected my moral values to be maintained.
If you lose those, they see you then with contempt.
So no, no easy fruits for some.
Should a more not so east chick come along whose fuel is more potent and has more residual benefits “easy chick” will be discarded just like that
Hello Lori,
It is difficult to generalise. If you read the books and articles it all dependes on multiple factors:
1.The school and cadre of narcissist
2.Their status of their fuel matrix( if they receive plenty of fuel from other sources placed on their fuel matrix being intimate or non-intimate they can take their time on choosing a partner)
3. Where do they want to position a source on their fuel matrix
A think a difference has to be drawn between an “easy” (?) source or a source that is easier to ensnare.
I also think they often look for a contrast to the previous supply. If you were straight laced and successful they will often pick your opposite
They love contrasting flavors so to speak
Empath asks – I can only speak from my experience in that I’m married and a MMR targeted me, taking time and effort to manipulate a friendship ( haha) into a friends with benefits situation. ( although this part was very short lived as I pulled back from, and then ended direct physical contact with him).
I don’t believe targeting someone who is already married / in a relationship is picking an easy option! He also chose me re – class and character traits, which he felt were higher then his own, re – professional career, financially stable, own property etc, well educated. ( he had a massive issue with my education and what he perceived as a rich background/ family) referencing this often.
Which again to him is not an easy option but a preferred one, when you consider the female sexual selection hierarchy, women tend to pick in line with or above their class /standing statistically.
He picked me because of the extra levels in the chase, it was more exciting for him, the “oh what if the husband finds out”, the extra superiority he could feel from obliterating my boundaries! and stating to himself that he can get anyone he wants !
His IPSS was also above him in the hierarchy / class / character traits.
Don’t get me wrong he has other shelf ipss ladies that he throws a bone to every once in a while, but they have no idea what he is and have been destroyed by him. But he does not do this openly, he would not pick one of them as his girlfriend publicly as in his mind they are beneath him… they would cling they would love him, they would do anything for him…. but that’s not good enough for him….
I didn’t cling to him.
It took him an hour and a half to convince ( with pity plays and manipulation) a very drunk me at 2am to get into his bed- and I couldn’t wait to get out of it again…. awful experience!
I guess there will always be others interpretation of how “easy i was” But I know my own truth..
This is just a differing account to the one you described, we all have our own experiences. I just thought it may be helpful to open up the conversation to other possibilities..
They choose based on quality of fuel and what you can do for them. Easy really has nothing to do with it. It’s all about how you make then feel
This article is so provoking that it does not even ask for understanding but it is rather an open invitation for adding moral values:
#1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9,10: amusing. I could even think about applying some of these strategies between candidates.Thank you for the handy hints.
#6.”If sexual coupling has occurred at this early juncture, then sleeping with you both in the space of 24 hours (or less) in order to determine who is the more fuel accomplished lover.”:
That is cruel, absolutely outrageous ! There goes the limit.
The worst is when you have plans to go away for a weekend. You as I takes the days off from work. I go buy clothes and so excited and he does not contact me the day before. His calls go straight to voice mail. So then finally he calls, oh I forgot…I took my son and his friends skiing. Bad reception here. Then a few years later when you find out he was a lying sack of shit, having a relationship blended family. The times he sent you photos or he said he was sorry he forgot. HE WAS WITH THE GF AND BLENDED FAMILY….WHEN WILL GOD TAKE YOUR LIFE…YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE HERE. BYE BYE
SW… whoa! I can imagine how hurt you were! Obviously you were looking so forward to the trip and to do that is cold AF! I had similar incident happen as well but I think it was “punishment” for an escape then I went back, within 2 weeks we made vacation plans then the VERY next day woke up to a text “sorry but I think this relationship has run its course again” … dosent get anymore narc than that. May as well have said “im a narc and here is your punishment bitch”. I am sure that was deliberate on your narcs end . What do you mean by “blended family”? Ive never heard that term before?
oh HG mine had at least 10 at a time. 100 over his seducing years. in 3 months I found out 22 women…I JUST THINK STD’S STD’S STD’S STD’S YUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Probley..yuck
I am SO curious why he would retain me when I refused to be any kind of competition in a contest between me vs her. My answer was to leave and say to him I wish you all happiness with her. Guess I’ll have to get a consult for an answer to that question.
You don’t actually mention “cat fight” in this article. Are there some Narcissist that prefer to “arrange” these?
Correct.
This is one of those articles that’s difficult for me to read… Painful to learn how we are truly seen by the narcissist. Or not seen, I suppose. We are just batteries to them. Heinous…
This sounds like a drug addict interviewing the best drug dealer in town as to who will give them the best supply…
Can #3 be the same as constant texting and not letting you sleep?…..til the wee hours of the morning 😡(i used a yellow blob.. i feel stong about this one)
Yes.