Found In Translation
The way that our kind speaks is a language all of its own. Narcspeak appears at first to be a normal way of speaking, with the inferences, interpretations and connotations that one would ordinarily expect when hearing phrases such as ‘I love you’ and ‘I am sorry’. You will not grasp that there is a different meaning to much of what we say to you, at least not until it is too late. Once you have mastered Narcspeak however it becomes readily apparent what is actually being conveyed to you. Understand this form of double speak from us is a useful skill to achieve. Not only will it bring clarity to what has been said to you in the past and what was really meant, it will assist in understanding how to deal with the narcissist in your life going forward, if you have occasion to interact with him or her again.
Narcspeak arises because we operate in a different reality to you. We perceive the facts differently and therefore there will be an alternative interpretation attached to what we say. We know the context of what we are saying, so that it apparently fits with the situation and the discussion, but that is purely as a consequence of our ability to mimic and to convey what should be said. We know what we actually mean when we say these things. We mean something else.
This allows us to evade any culpability at a later juncture if you try to tell us that we said something. We may deny that we said it and if we do admit it, our admission is only ever in the context of what we intend it to mean. We use these words and phrases as a cloak to what we are actually saying to you and the sooner you begin to understand what we are really telling you, the sooner you will achieve a clarity of understanding which will remove the fog of confusion and enable you to decide how best to respond.
By way of example here are a number of phrases which you will always hear with our kind and beneath is what is really being said to you.
I don’t think that it suits you
You look absolutely ridiculous
I didn’t look at anyone else the whole time I was out.
I kissed several people. I have no idea who they were.
You must believe me.
I am telling you a lie.
What are you thinking?
I am not going to tell you anything until I have worked you out first so I know what will be the right things to say to you.
Don’t you trust me?
I find your insecurities both irritating and wonderful. I am annoyed that you think you can exert control over me. I am pleased that you are anxious and I make you that way.
I promise.
I’m just going to tell you what you want to hear.
We will always be together.
You belong to me. I will pick you up and put you down as I see fit.
I cannot stop thinking about you.
You and her. Oh and her. Her as well.
You don’t understand me.
Everything I have told you is a lie so it is little wonder that you do not.
I like you.
You do what I want.
I need some time to myself.
I am spending the night with your best friend.
We are just friends.
We have slept together and we will again.
I am so confused.
I want someone else now.
We have nothing in common.
We never had, I just made it look that way.
You will always be special to me, no matter what happens.
Your fuel is well worth coming back for and that is why I have come back.
It was nothing serious.
Yes, we had sex.
I didn’t do it.
Oh yes I did.
I’d like to see you again.
You have more fuel to give me.
Let’s stay friends.
I want to establish a reason that seems credible to you for returning and hurting you.
I don’t really remember.
I know only too well, not that I am going to admit it to you.
I am broken.
I know saying this will sound good and I am feeling somewhat desperate at the moment to keep hold of you.
She meant nothing to me.
Her fuel meant everything to me. More than what yours means to me.
I must have been drunk.
I was drunk. I often am. I know what I did though because I wanted it to happen.
I am just speaking my mind.
You had better fucking listen to me.
I am not starting an argument here.
It’s fuel time
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.
I haven’t a clue and I don’t care.
I will change.
You are a fool.
I want to be a better person.
You are a bigger fool than I first thought.
You always make it all about you.
It should be all about me.
I’ve no idea who she is.
I have slept with at least a half a dozen times.
I don’t recognise that number.
I do. Why is she calling me when I told her not to?
I’m not with anybody.
I am but that is not standing in the way tonight.
It is all rather complicated.
It is bullshit.
I didn’t mean for that to happen.
Oh yes I did and I will do it again.
You made me do it.
I am too weak to accept responsibility.
You don’t have to if you don’t want to.
Goodbye.
I don’t know who I am sometimes.
That sounds deep. She will love that.
I love you.
I expect you to do what I want.
I love your fuel.
167 thoughts on “Found In Translation”
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Dear SN,
Wow excellent . (sounds more like a drink than a stress release … haha) .. I’ve just watched a you tube video, I’ll give it a try … I’ve done tapping as well… not the dancing kind … haha
Many thanks kind hearted kale eater
Luv Bubbles xx
Hi Beautiful ones … Windstorm and Twilight
From my understanding, karma just breaks down to “newtons law …. for every action there is an equal an opposite reaction” or in the Buddhist tradition they refer to an “action driven by intention which leads to future consequences”
I certainly don’t “wish” for bad things to happen to the weasel but if they did … I think Mr Bubbles and I would definitely force ourselves to pop the cork and stretch the facial muscles into a smile of glee 😎😂🍾🥂
Luv Bubbles xx
And HG!!! Sitting Target came in the mail yesterday… and, wow!! Things now are much clearer.
Good
T…thats a super super super good one! It made things so clear here also. It was like a Gibb’s smack upside my damn head! I actually think it is the best book I have read in years.
I don’t know where I’d be without HG. That thought is scary, so I’m not going there.
I’m grateful for everyone here too.
T…
I agree. I learn more with his books than anything on the internet.
Also, just reading all the posts & everyone elses stories and views are extremely helpful as well.
My copy of Sitting Target is coming tomorrow! Can’t wait!! I’ll probably end up buying all of them. Lol. Thanks HG! Honestly, the books written by “normal” people kind of just make me depressed for some reason, like let’s all wallow in our misery and have a pity party. Your books make me feel like I’ve actually got some armor!
Purple.. HG’s are WAY better than ANYTHING you can find on internet. I agree ((thumbs up yellow blob))
Thank you.
Your very welcome . Its the truth LOL
Lush is the best. Animal friendly and environmental friendly. Quality is top! There is a store here in my city just 15 min with the tram or the bike and its a dream. Also fav place for me and my daughter 😍
lol “narcspeak”….I like it.
Dear Julie, Twilight and Clarece… hope I haven’t forgotten anyone (Windstorm for the tart cherry juice idea) NarcAngel and T,
Julie you made me laugh with almond milk tasting like 9v battery ( my daughter likes it.. 🤢… haha)
I’ve always had low blood pressure, but my heart palpitations (all the time) is what worried me! I still have my matrinarc in my life … so I’m not free! My cholesterol was up a tad but the bad outweighed the good … and I’ve been eating clean for awhile now … however Mr Bubbles luvs my baking …. so someone has to lick the spoon … 🥄… haha
We are number 1 priority now, so here’s to bath bombs, essential oils, tart cherry juice, bubbles, and lots of self indulgent pampering
Thanks lovelies
💜😘
Bubbles.. good morning!
Dont forget the jello shots: )
Julie
Have you ever made Jell-O shots using the rind of oranges, lemons, watermelon etc.?
Ha ha here I am thinking save the planet from binning more plastics and just making a compost bin.
Lol! I have!
Dear Julie,
Haha … I remember when my son was younger he did a concoction with “skittles” … getting all the individual colours grouped and then adding vodka to each then mixed with gelatine then setting them in specially bought shot trays …. everyone loved them .. haha
He’s matured now (I think ) hahahahaha ….. and into the negronis and some cinnamon chilli bourbon/whiskey drink
Gone are the jäger bomb days 😥
But now we have espresso martinis ….yaaay
😝
Bubbles..
Lol! I’d be lying if i said I didn’t enjoy some vodka steeped gummie bears myself but my fav is a good pinot noir chased with a shot of jack daniels cinnamon. Lmao.. strange combo but I got it down to a science as to what amounts I can allow before I start dancing on tables and climbing trees (cant take me anywhere)😂 i make a mean jd fire jello shot too . Delish!
See what happens when I replied without having my morning coffee …re my cholesterol … I meant to say the good outweighed the bad … not the bad outweighing the good … sorry peoples ☕️💋Mwah 😊
Dear Twilight,
Thankyou sweet pea, I shall enquire at my local health shop 😊
Bubbles 🍾
I love the emoji and your name, I mean really just saying bubbles makes one smile add 🍾, smiles all around.
Yet you are welcome, there are many things one can do to find a balance within, it is just finding the right combination that works for the individual.
Dearest Twilight,
Awwwwww … Thank you beautiful one, what a lovely thing to say .. the name Twilight is rather special, can I just say! I totally agree, finding what works for you is essential
I’m so elated it makes you smile …if I can pay it forward and add a little smile or make one feel a little warmth in some small way …. (because I think you are all so special) then that makes me so very happy 😊
My heartfelt thanks ” soft glowing light from the sky below the horizon”….. … sunset beach bubbles … doesn’t get any better than that …
Luv
Bubbles xx
😘💜🍾
Bubbles 🍾
You definitely have a knack for bringing smiles!
You made me think of a time I took one of those tiny bottles I filled with bubble bath into a jacuzzi with me, I wanted the ultimate bubble bath. You definitely get mega bubbles when you pour the content of such bottle where the intake is located in a jacuzzi. I left the room so bubbles could fill it and when I opened the door……I had never seen so many bubbles in my entire life. I am talking a room full of bubbles and no jacuzzi to be found. It was freaking awesome 😎 and I felt like a kid playing with all the bubbles.
Gorgeous Twilight,
The Platters did a song called Twilight Time …
have you heard it … it’s as lovely as your name
Luv Bubbles xx
Bubbles 🍾
I do not recall ever hearing that song….yet the music sounds hauntingly familiar.
Thank you.
Twilight…..
that’s hilarious with the jacuzzi … the more bubbles the merrier I always say ….. also good thing you didn’t lose someone in it or a cat or dog 🐶🙀did you know there’s a Lush bubble bar called Karma 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Bubbles 🍾
Ha ha no I didn’t. I don’t believe in karma either. I believe the choices we make affect us, sometimes in ways we do not see until after the fact and sometimes we see it in the way it affects others.
Twilight
Is that not what karma is?
Windstorm
Yes IMO, yet many believe in karma. Which I really don’t understand how karma will affect another once this life has ceased to exist.
Karma isn’t a bitch, it’s a mirror to make you see good and bad in this life. It can show a person In the present tense to make better choices so the bad choices we make don’t follow us as lessons in the next life.
If you do good or bad, both of those karmas can come back around either in this life, or the next.
Twilight
I don’t understand karma either. But I’ve known since I was a child that what I don’t understand fills libraries all over the world. My understanding or lack there of has no determinant on the truth of any fact (assuming truth exists, of which I’ve always been skeptical). I keep an open mind on karma. I’ve always thought there is a fundamental logic to it.
Windstorm
I don’t call it karma even thou my opinion is what choices are.
Perspective.
I am feeling mixed up at the moment. It has been awhile sense I have let another’s emotions directly affect me.
Twilight
Ha, ha! Wish I knew your secret. The only way I can keep others emotions from affecting me is to stay home alone in the woods with the tv off!
Windstorm
I don’t know, I visualize running water over me a lot!
Windstorm,
I learned that the most effective thing I can say to myself is, “This has nothing to do with me” – and then believe it without wanting to talk back at the people who judge me as bad etc. Let it pass, and flow.
I don’t mean to say we should be OK with others’ attacks on us, but to shrug it off as “their problem, not mine – I accept myself the way I am”. (And if there is something I want changed – then I look for ways this can be achieved.)
However, this is easier said than done, I know. I sometimes forget about it, am too tired to execute it etc. The most important thing to me is to do my own things and not allow others’ whims ruin them for me.
Trust in yourself and become your OWN favorite person in the world. It takes practice and focusing on what you want to do in life, rather than on others’ expectations and what they would think if you shared it with them. If I know somebody won’t like what I say, or be angry/ jealous/ etc. I refrain from sharing or share as little as possible.
I also know that we sometimes want to share with people in our lives, but for me it was like a math’s equation – what is more beneficial to my general sense of well-being? Tell them or shut up? So there are moments when I have to catch myself and start off speaking to quickly divert to something else.
Staying motivated and being invested in everything you do generally helps with this – when you know you do your duties right etc. Then – let them talk.
I can give you some quotes to remember or better yet – write down and keep close to you, so you can support yourself with them.
“Ignore these people who are constantly talking behind your back because they are right where they belong. BEHIND YOU.”
“When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I’m already better than them.” Marylin Monroe
In my Land of Laughs, we have a saying for it, “Doesn’t matter how – it’s important that they talk!”
My wishes of internal peace and harmony to you!
SN
Thank you for your good thoughts and concern. I am very fortunate to not have anyone saying ugly or bad things about me at this time in my life. I am one of those people who feel everyone’s emotions and energy, even when they have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can’t help but be aware of it, whether it’s excitement, tiredness, worry, hate, love – whatever. Doesn’t matter if I even know the people or just see them on the street. I can hide out in my wilderness or ignore people, but I believe too much of that is selfish and probably self-destructive.
In many ways this connection to others emotions is a curse, but it can also be a blessing. I have a special connection to others feelings that lets me tailor my words and behavior in ways that can make their lives easier. But it is draining for me.
Twilight is this way too, but she has learned how to protect her energy in ways that I have not. Much of that is probably my own laziness, though. I understood what she meant by feeling water wash over herself. I can visualize the wind that way to protect myself and draw energy, but I usually forget to do it.
I’ve worked in a middle school for nearly 30 years. I am adept at channeling the happiness and joy of the children to refresh myself to positively deal with the negative feelings of the adults and the children who are suffering. But sometimes that’s a lot harder than others.
It’s like a type of work. I guess you could say that just being around other people – any other people – is like work for me. I think I would greatly benefit from more self discipline.
Thank you again for caring.❤️
Windstorm
I don’t think your lazy, your wonderful, beautiful and caring and developed a way which provides for your needs.
Twilight
Re: Windstorm
I second that and you can apply it to yourself also.
Thanks NarcAngel and I second that about Twilight!
Narc Angel and Windstorm
Thank you
Thank you, Twilight. But there’s a reason so many spiritual beliefs are called “practice”. I’d be much better off if I practiced my beliefs more. I’ve always hoped I could reach a point where it was constant and maybe that’s still possible. But I need to develop a way to stay mindful when around multiple people. That’s where I tend to drop the ball.
Do you ever have the problem of taking in too much positive energy from others and letting it derail you? That’s a recurring problem for me. Then I get sort of manic and make poor choices. When I’m around a lot of negative energy I know to protect myself, but the positive energy sneaks up on me. Maybe because it feels so good at the time, like some kind of drug. Any suggestions of how to handle this?
Windstorm
I do agree “practice “ is the key word in this.
I have to be mindful and aware of what I am feeling is mine or another.
If I am not things can become very interesting and/or embarrassing
Dear T and Julie,
I have to stop going on my iPad and phone a few hours before bed … the electronic light plays havoc with me! Tv is fine!
Ive tried pretty much everything … I found warm honey n milk helped
Breathing correctly was an issue for me, as I was taking short breaths and didn’t realise it.
I would welcome Mr Tudor writing or polling on the health issues arising from narcissistic abuse.
Luv Bubbles xx
Bubbles..
Ive done the warm milk thing. I hate milk lol! But i gave it a try. I have heard that electronics are bad before bed too but I have no choice when I work 16hrs a day. Baths with lavander & lemon oil are good then Ill kick the cat out of the room and turn on the nebulizer with some texas cedarwood or lavander. Seems to work best. Im going to try the tart cherry juice too that was recommended (think T or WS recommended it).
I bet the majority of have health issues after being with the narcs. Im guessing high blood pressure would be up there on the scale. Im sure most would say (me included) that before narc they were healthy and spry. Its taxing being with one for sure.
Dear Julie,
Milk is definitely not agreeable to a lot of people … (I put on weight) how about almond milk?
I’ve not heard of tart cherry juice, the closest I’ve seen is cranberry juice
My blood pressure is low, thank goodness and I was in great health prior to all this.
Mr Bubbles and I do take advantage of a “lush bomb” bath and a bottles of bubbles on a regular basis with candles, fairy lights and music …. works a treat …. 🛁 (he needs it too afternoon dealing with the weasel) … 😂
Ps … Julie 16 hrs is a very long day for anyone … you need to look after yourself …. you are precious, take care lovely one
Luv Bubbles xx
Bubbles..
Almond milk tastes like a 9v battery LOL!
It looks like you have a great relaxation plan in place! Lush is great too! I believe it’s absolutely necessary to have a few days a week where you can wind down and “do you”. Nothing wrong with that at all. I am suprised after a narc you have low blood pressure. Its crazy how they affect someones health. I was fit as a fiddle then post narc ended up with high blood pressure grrrr.
Hi Bubbles and Twilight!
Two huge thumbs up for Lush bath bombs and essential oils for health and destressing (from Narcs or anything else)!
Clarece
Ha ha I googled Lush bath bombs and and almost died laughing one is named Twilight and then I read the description…..ok I am going to order it just to see.
Twilight, I promise you that you will find your Twilight bath bomb absolutely heavenly. Some other brands come close, but theirs are exceptional. Your whole bathroom will smell luscious for hours after. The retail stores are usually in bigger urban or suburban cities and all of their products can be sampled. All of their facial masks are with freshly mixed ingredients (i.e. blueberries, honey, asparagus etc.) and kept refrigerated once opened. They will do samples with the masks on your hands and then rinse off with warm washrags and you feel like you are getting a hand massage. My daughter and I did an overnight trip to Chicago 2 years ago and picked out masks for ourselves. Got the hand demo done at the store then went back to the hotel, put on the fluffy robes and played spa doing the facials to each other. She was 10 then and loved it. Now it’s a tradition whenever we go to Chicago for an overnight. Lol
Clearce
If I am ever in Chaicago I will have to visit. I looked up the ingredients and Ylang Ylang is an oil I use on a daily basis. I love the smell and it actually keeps me very relaxed in many situations.
Definitely enjoy your purchase!! Lush is a happy place for my daughter and me.
They even have men’s products…for HG…if he needs to mix in a new scent for everpresence…lol
Clarece
I can see it now a shelf with bottles of natural oils to add a drop or two into the mix, yet it may produce a different outcome for HG and affect him in a way he doesn’t expect along with his “victim”. Who knows maybe it would be beneficial for both.
They have one called Dragon Time it helps promote stability and calm durning cycles of moodiness. I have never used this specific one and just found it, I thought of the blog after reading the ingredients and uses.
Dragon Time…love it!! 🐲😍
Julie
Have you tried fountains, the sound of running water helps to.
I used essential oils, music and time in nature. I have a locket I actually use different oils depending on if I just want to “stay” relaxed or if I have a cold (rarely). I work in a very stressful job for an empath like myself. I am actually getting ready to purchase some for the air vents in my car and use the oil, in my car.
Oils can be used in many ways, I only recommend one to learn how to use them from someone who knows.
IMO nature provides everything we need, over time we have forgotten how to use what has been given by the use of technology.
I believe some have a genetic disposition of narcissism and it looked very different long long ago, yet as we move away from nature we will see more and more of this develop.
Twilight.. good morning!
I havent tried actual flowing water but i have tried rain & thunderstorm sounds . I agree about getting away from nature and I use my oils to cure my ailments when I can. Peppermint for headaches is my #1 go to for sure.
T..
thank you for the tips. I have tried the herbal teas but I dont think they work well for me. Going to the gym later in the day works fairly well but its not always possible with my schedule unfortunately. I did however buy a essential oil nebulizer and that helps ALOT! I never would have thought it would work but it does.
Now Ill be up all night trying to figure out a nice way to ditch the date night for Saturday. Nice guy but he sent a pic to me today smiling and he is missing teeth and the ones that are left are brown & chipped up. Call me shallow but I have a strong issue for hygiene and the guy is cute but bad teeth are a dealbreaker. Dont want to hurt his feelings either ughhh.. Im going to feel bad but, Cant do it.. nope.
# crestwhitestrips!!!
Julie
Try 8 ounces of tart cherry juice in the evening. It has about the same efficacy as melatonin to help you sleep. It is tart, though. I cut it with water.
WS… perfect timing! I was just going to start my grocery list for tomorrow. Putting that on there as well. Cant hurt, right?! I would give anything to be able to shut down at nite and sleep a whole night like the rest of the world lol
I get what you mean, Julie, same here (no romantic date to ditch luckily).
However the strips?! They damage teeth in the long run! There are natural ways to whiten them – strawberries etc. You can read up on it on many websites now.
Julie, I know what you mean about the teeth! I too looked like a jack-o- lantern. Just getting mine fixed. I’ve decided no relationships for the next three years so I can concentrate on fixing myself up.
Three is a good number, T! Gives you time to think things through well.
Lol, SN, yes 3 or longer. Single is a good thing. I thought I’d die at first, but I decided to become who I want to attract., but even still, I will not drop my guard. Because I cant.
I agree. Never drop your guard. I didnt think I did but I must have in some way because I
Got hit with another narc few months back. Slippery lil fella he was grrrr. A nice set of boundries helps alot too.
Julie
The reason why I started to wear my locket is due to the long hours I spent dealing with people, 12-16 hour 6 sometimes 7 days a week with a day off every 10 to 16 days.
For myself it helps keep me relaxed.
Bubbles
You can find tart cherry juice in the organic section at the market.
I heard cherry juice was good for sore muscles after a workout.
T..
I feel so mean but I cant do it.. not a chance. I often feel Im doomed to be alone forever now. After the narcs I am SOOO hyper vigilant about men that I will always find a reason to dump them or just not accept a date proposal. I trust no man at all. I thought it would get better but hasnt . The mindfuckery was too great I think.
They sure know how to turn you into someone diffrent thats for sure.
How long have you been alone? I say take all the time you need and you have to take of yourself first . You deserve self care and love! Real kind.. piss on narc love. (Was never real anyways)
Julie, I’ve been alone since him. There hasn’t been anyone else for I think going on two years.
I lost all my friends because of a nasty smear.i won’t talk to my judgmental family. I consider no one is my friend. At first it was gut wrenching. All of it. I couldn’t do anything except watch pizza and eat haagen daz. I couldn’t listen to music like I did. I’m happy that’s changing. I’m just now able to do things again. I’m walking again, I can listen to music more. Anyway, I won’t have a relationship for the next three years. I want to know who I am, because I’m only just now learning. That’s a non negotial.
T..
Thats great though! It does take a long time to pick yourself back up after a narcship. I was there trust me. One day I just knew it was sink or swim and I chose to swim. Its good to be alone to find yourself too! I highly recommend what you’re doing. Did it myself . You have to be comfortable with being alone first. Relearn yourself and be ok with being alone and not needing anyone elses validation to make you whole. Im not 100% there and its been years but Ill be there. My main issue is anger..I hear his name and I want to rip his ballsack out through his nose. Ive set boundries now which are good. I will never let another man disrespect me that way again. I do wish you the best with your recovery as well! Baby steps.
😚😚😚
There are a lot of articles about empaths being chronically low on magnesium which calms the nervous system and lowers blood pressure. It’s very important for us to calm our nerves down and this is a dietary way to do so. There are charts online which can tell you the best foods to eat and such. I also drink Earl Grey tea which has bergamot, a natural antidepressant and it tastes amazing! Good🍀.
Mmmm earl! Love me some earl!
I run bergamot in my nebulizer. Cinnamon is great too.
Hi dear Jess,
Sorry for the delay, just saw your comment
I agree with you… I’ve tried heaps …. I was taking sleep magnesium powder , it seems to be a short term fix with my system and after awhile it stops doing what was intended. I’ve tried valerian same same. I was drinking earl grey but I’ve switched to caffeine free green tea for night drinking. I have cinnamon, turmeric and banana on my whole grain oats everyday and turmeric lemon n honey. I’ve tried satin pillows. I eat a lot of kale and veg n salmon, iron tablets, hydralites…. and the list goes on n on. It’s all a process of trial n elimination. Is there anything we empaths don’t try?
I’m always open to more suggestions n ideas from you gorgeous lovelies. Also, as you age you have to get up in the wee small hours for a tinkle or two … at least Mr Bubbles and I warm the seat for each other…. Haha You’d be surprised how many people are up at that time. And to top if off, Mr Tudor sleeps like a log at night with no worries, as do the rest of the narcs …. sooooooo unfair!
I can’t stay long in supermarkets or in crowds anymore, I take the back row in movies and always on the end aisle for a quick exit. I can’t tolerate drama or heavy discussions with anymore or loud noises. I now prefer soothing music. I don’t like going out and have an extremely low tolerance of people now.
Am I the only one like this ?
Luv Bubbles xx
Good Morning Bubbles,
if it makes you feel brtter, know that I am just like you. Kale rocks, I think I may be seriously addicted to it!;))
As for sleep, I found holding my palms together (one covers the other – but whatever works for you, it can be a hand of the dear person sleeping next to you) and slow breathing helps me fall asleep.
Google “Jin Shin Jutsu” – I found it works for me very well in many situations.
Have a good one!xo
Good Morning HG.
I have another translation question for you. When an MRN says “I trust you” to a Shelf DLS/IPSS what does he mean? I know you say “I love you/I care for you/you are important to me” = “I love/care about/your FUEL is important to me” but what about “I trust you”? Does it mean “I trust that you will give me your fuel”…or does it mean something else?
Thank you!
It is a comment made to bind and draw fuel, he does not, of course, trust you.
Hence the same attitude on the other side… No always greener but I heard somewhere it works like that.
This article is FANTASTIC!
Thank you.
This is brilliant, HG! I have heard: “I promise,” “I want you in my life forever,” “You are very special to me,” “I don’t remember,” “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” “I love you and I always will.” What is it with narcs and these over the top proclamations like “forever”? I have not heard these from non-narcs.
It panders to the love devotee in you. It does not mean in itself that the person saying such things (normal people express an everlasting love also) is a narcissist, but such comments are used extensively by narcissists.
Thank you, HG! I think when coupled with lack of actions to back up such bold proclamations, this is a red flag. Do you agree?
Agreed.
Thank you, HG!
Also is “I’m sorry” the same as “I promise”. ?
As in just saying what we want to hear?
And oh the “I want to stay friends”….lost count of the number of times I heard that one. Also “I care about you”. (EYE ROLL)
Yes it is just being said for the facade and to further the manipulation.
My narcissistic ex was trying to hoover me in a malice way for about 5 months after he discarded me. In sixth month he switched to benign hoovers telling me he wants to be friends and that he still cares for me. My intuition told me there is something really odd and dangerous in this sudden change so I blocked him and went no contact. After a few days I found out he started dating someone new just before his “I care for you” talk. So I thank God I decided to go no contact – his benign hoovers were a trap – I think he was trying to find a way to tell me he has someone new to put a knife in my heart and to see my pain in reaction to this news. But when I blocked him before he had a chance to do that, I took my small revange showing him I totally don’t care about him. And also he can’t show his new girlfriend he is “normal” because he is in friendly relationship with me as his ex. He could want to use me as a proof of his normalcy.
That was my recent experience too. You can’t go from calling me vile and reprehensible after a nasty exchange and silence established, to 2 months later texting me to have a happy birthday (on the wrong day) and acting genuinely interested in hearing about me and dangling a visit.
Same situation, he started dating someone new.
I felt another angle serving him would be to try to get me jealous and have someone to triangulate with the new gf. You know how they love having the crazy ex stalker to make them look “normal” too. But then that’s the first one they return to cheat with when the new gf goes vanilla and boring.
HG….can you decipher this one for me?
“I have successfully compartmentalized my guilt and shame that I was feeling from having sex with you”
I am a good person. You made me feel bad but I have jettisoned that.
Makes sense. So he can lather rinse and repeat I suppose.
HG,
Does her Saint Piano even feel any guilt or shame to compartmentalize? Or is he just using those words because they make him sound like he has a conscience?
The latter, correct Mary.
Thanks, HG.
Dear NarcAngel,
You’re the cutest little NarcAngel to walk this planet 😇You’re so funny.
Chin chin to cha chas n chi chis 🍾🍹💃🏻
😘
Mary,
LOL at “Saint Piano”. As heartbroken and disgusted as I am at least I can try and find the humor.
He does think he has a conscience.
I wonder where he learned the word “compartmentalize”. He seems to have some self awareness as to why he acts the way he does (with some of the stuff he says). Or maybe it was just a word he heard and he thought it sounded good. Who knows!
It is coincidence he used the word compartmentalise. What he meant was that he has shut away and buried the supposed guilt – he does not realise he compartmentalises in the way I describe.
Hi again HG….I have two questions re: your reply to me:
When you say….”It is coincidence he used the word compartmentalise. What he meant was that he has shut away and buried the supposed guilt – he does not realise he compartmentalises in the way I describe.”
First question….re: “supposed” guilt. He does not really feel the guilt correct? So what does he “feel”. Is it….shame? Or is it actually guilt (to him anyway) because he thinks he is a decent person? I hope you get what I am trying to ask here.
And second question….re: him shutting away and burying the supposed “guilt”….does he (or any other narc for that matter) suffer repercussions from “shutting” this away? Or does that not happen because you do not feel emotions? Again, I hope you understand what I am trying to ask here. Basically I am wondering if him “shutting” all this away has a consequence later on in terms of other behaviors that might occur?
Thank you!
He does not feel guilt and he does not feel any shame about the relevant incident.
He has shut away the incident/you – there is no guilt to bury.
Psychology is like reading hieroglyphics – all signs point to a lack of inner life. Moving away from Hawaiian Pele, the Catacombs of Paris!
Once you enter the inside-out upside-down world aka ‘hell’, you have to keep moving at all costs.
Dear Mr Tudor,
The weasel said to me … “you make me want to be a better man”
He must’ve been watching the movie “As good as it gets” 😂
If anyone says to me now ” I don’t remember” … my hairs stand on end ….
my red flag goes up
This is really helpful thank you
You are welcome.
He told me exactly the same thing! And yes, he was inspired by the movie. He used to get emotional at that point.
HG
I found this on Psychology Today and I thought it was interesting.
“Technically, theory of mind is a branch of cognitive science that investigates how we ascribe mental states to other people. One of the keys to theory of mind is the understanding and acceptance that other people have different beliefs, desires, and intentions from one’s own.
ToM and empathic accuracy go hand in hand. The Sweet Spot Between Systematic Reasoning and Gut Feelings
In reality, empathy is actually – projective self involvement. This is ultimately a form of narcissism that passes as caring. The real caring item is best described as ‘Responsiveness’.
Responsiveness is a process of emotional receptivity, by which one is directly tuned into and involved with the other person with no reference to oneself at all.”
Have heard most of these from the narc. Its like narcs have the same scripts. How is this possible? Its absolutely incredible word for word.
You are looking at it the wrong way around.
Isn’t the reason that they say the same things just because it logically follows their thinking? Like how we can predict what a child will say when he sees something he wants in a store or what an empath will say when she sees a lost puppy?
I agree.
Hi Windstorm!!!!!
Also because what they say works and if it aint broke………
Look at all those exclamation marks!!!!!!
Who loves you baby??!!!!
NarcAngel
You absolutely crack me up!! Your comment and exclamation marks have brightened my whole day (doesn’t take much 😝)
Yeah, that’s my philosophy of life, too – if it works, don’t fix it! They’re also copycats and have been watching others all their lives to learn how to lie, pretend and mimic. No wonder they end up acting the same.
Thanks for the laugh and hope you’re having a great day!!!!! 😝
Omg … heard many especially I remember when a new serious IPSS contender was around … he would say I am so confused.
I promise – was the biggest lies
And he would say « I just earned 10 thousand points « meaning , I just did something that will really piss you off – I feel powerful !
Love those – they are great reminder of the dissonance between what we hear, what they do and what they mean.
Omj when I found out about her he said he was confused, and he said it was his demons ffs.
he also always often said he wanted to be a better person. I found that endearing at the time. Yuk
Same school they all go to same school . He used the demons all the time as an excuse and boy does he ever do s lot of mistakes … and boy do I don’t understand that people make mistakes sometimes … I am so rigid !
“I have slept with at least a half a dozen times.”
Sounds like some advanced somnambulic meditation practice.
“You will always be special to me, no matter what happens.
Your fuel is well worth coming back for and that is why I have come back.”
Well… I just vomited ever so slightly in my mouth.
Pele awaits you asshat!
Pele? Where does a footballer fit in here?
I keep wondering why Pele is repeatedly mentioned.
A post about pushing the narcs in our lives out of a helicopter into the erupting volcanoes in Hawaii.. with cinder blocks strapped to their feet while we do jello shots and glasses of pinot listening to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance… its a plan, want to come? (Jk) ha ha
HG
Re:Pele
I think I should get serious reduction time on the naughty stool for identifying him as a footballer and not soccer player. I thought about annoying you with that haha.
You may think that NA and I agree. Have a two minute credit.
NA… we will make room Lol!
Wikipedia:
Many Hawaiians believe Kilauea to be inhabited by a “family of fire gods”, one of the sisters being Pele, who is believed to govern Kilauea and is responsible for controlling its lava flows.
K
Ah. Thank you.
Julie, sounds like the greatest party ever!
Ya!!!! Narc Angel
3 minutes off….I remember when you told me you didn’t know how to get off that stool!
Teilight
Haha. Now I dont know what to do with that time. Im not finished carving Mommy is a bitch on the leg of my stool. Did I tell you I did that as a kid? Carved it in the side of a dresser facing the wall where it stayed for years. When I was grown I told my mom and laughed about it. She didnt believe me so we went up and I moved it out and showed her.
She was not amused.
Narc Angel
No you didn’t.
I can see how it sounded amusing until it was proven to be true.
And I see now it has been declared off with your head….
Ha ha I decided to drop by on an entertaining day….
Tea, watching the rain and a little narcsite a perfect day spent relaxing
Fury ~ by Tina Chang
My son rubs his skin and names it brown,
his expression gleeful as I rub a damp cloth
over his face this morning. Last night,
there were reports that panthers were charging
through the streets. I watched from my seat
in front of the television, a safe vista.
I see the savannah. Sometimes, though,
my son wakes to a kind of nightmare.
He envisions words on the wall and cannot
shake them. He tries to scratch them away
or runs out of the room but the words
follow him. None of it makes any sense
but it’s the ghost of his fear that I fear.
What is a safe distance from the thoughts
that pursue us and what if the threat persists
despite our howling? Buildings collapse,
a woman falls down the stairs and lands
on her back with only one eye open, half
awake to her living damage. I think
my son senses what is happening
on the street, his heart fiercely tethered
to mine. I know the world will find him
and tell him the history of his skin.
Harm will come searching for him
and pour into him its scorching mercury,
its nails, its bitter breath against his boyhood
skin still smelling of milk and wonder.
Somewhere, the panthers are running
starting fires fueled by a distinct hunger.
Somewhere there is a larger fire, a pyre
stoked by the fury of all that we have come
to understand, all that we could have done
but did not. Its flames lick the underside
of the earth. It propagates needing
only a frenzy of air to fan it to inferno.
I’ll call that the Forest. The deep woods
are ahead and if the panthers could just reach it.
If I told you that all of this happens at night,
you wouldn’t believe me. If I told you
all of this happens in the future, always
the Future you would continue following
the scent you could only describe as smoke.
I’ll call that Justice.
But aren’t we talking about mercy and its dark
twin? Isn’t that what is pummeling history
in the side as I write this? Isn’t it the thorn
and the taser? Isn’t it the chokehold
and the gold arm of vengeance? I say it
from my mouth and when it spills forth
it lands on the ground in a pool of light
reflecting back at me the one true blasphemy:
Love and love and love and love and
love and love and love and love and love
and love and love and love and love and
love and love and love and love and love
and love and love and love and love and
love is crowding the street and needs only air
and it lives, over there, in the distance burning.
Ha ha in my excitement I gave you an extra minute…..maybe HG will overlook I slipped that in and let it be.
I am slipping back out the side door now….
Julie,
Made me laugh! I think we should all imagine sacrificing all the obnoxious, abusive narcs in our lives to Pele. Let’s imagine them being thrown into the volcano Kilouea. Win for her, win for us! Maybe even a win for them, since their lives will have a chance to be useful. 😝
Windstorm.. LOL! I cant take credit it was K’s idea I just ran with it haha.but I’ll bring the Jack Daniels Fire jello shots and pinot : )
Windstorm
Maybe that has been done and all that lava is Kilouea vomiting them back up.
NA… you slay me haha
I love your sense of humor
Living it, lol!!!
The whole island chain is about to do a Kraketoa, lololol!
That’s translated into serious vomiting as a metaphor!
((Dancing around in a grass skirt twerking)) haa ha
Julie!!! Lololololololol!!!
Exactly!!!
🤓😈
T… omg im awful today. Lack of sleep last night lollololol
Julie! Sleep issues are so common with us Empaths.
Do your best to hang in there Today!
Big hugs to you!!!
T..
I did not know that. Why is that?
I didnt need bail money today so Im good LOL!
It’s because we’re tuned in, always in feeling mode that can make us feel emotional.
Some nights are better than others😁
T..
Thank you. Good to know. My brain goes nonstop and It refuses to shut down at bedtime. Maybe this is why idk?
Hi Julie!
I take sleepy time tea. Also an antidepressant to help with sleep.
What really works is taking a few minutes to stretch.
There’s a lot going on in our lives. The brain has a hard time shutting down at night because it constantly has to try and figure everything out. And when it can’t, the brain tries harder.
I’m learning if I accept what’s going on, it helps to let stuff go. Lol, sometimes it works and Sometimes it doesn’t.
I recommend working your brain off. Sudoku, learning foreign language, hard work – whatever suits you. Then it simply needs to recharge and doesn’t ask all those questions it can’t respond to with certainty (oh, so needed, right?;)
SN.. lol my brain NEVER stops . I am such an overthinker it’s ridiculous.. why is the floor on the floor? Ha ha
Haha! Yes, why is also one of my favorite questions. Because it is so – is one of my favorite answers.
Hope that helps, but lately been battling some serious flying monkeys.
I’m totally in!!!
By the way Julie, Pele is my amakua. Meaning in short I am her daughter. Like many others, lol!!! Just a weird fact in the life of T.
Yup. All of it. And yes, i was a fool. Thank God that I’m not that foolish now.
I’m angry my health, mental and physical are paying for engaging with this kind of person.
I’m at the heart doctor today to get a heart ultrasound. I’m using that as an example of the aftermath of what the stress of it all can cause.
It is bullshit.
T. I had high blood pressure. 6 weeks off with stress, weight gain, and a kidney stone. I also blamed my boss not the narc. He at the time felt like my only friend until I found out the truth. Then I felt foolish. Glad to be out.
Hi, Em, me too.
Also forgot to say that whenever he came near me I got palpitations, shook trembled and got a blushing rash on my chest and neck. I thought it was excitement, now I know it was his evil persona and grooming of me.
Make that 3 with post narc high blood pressure! Its messed up how that happens. All the stress involved is upsurd
Wow, Em!
I can relate. Towards the end I hated to look at him. The knots are the worst to untie.
Dear T,
I completely understand. I felt the same! I went into some sort of toxic shock!
My health went into a complete downhill slide… I didn’t seem to have control over it! My jaw neck n shoulders tightened. I had issues with prescribed medication, I ended up in hospital on a drip! Panic n anxiety attacks! I ate I drank I gained weight! Couldn’t sleep at night! Heart racing all the time!
It has been the worst time of my life!
Finding Mr Tudor and reading all his magnificent work and all the wonderful support here, has helped me get to where I am now.
I’ve lost weight, cut back on eats n drinks, walking, (I used to go to the gym before all this nightmare began, but I don’t like being around people anymore). My circle is very tight.
The experience I had with the weasel led me to narcissism. I understand a great deal more about myself and my emotional thinking.
I know my limitations, expectations and boundaries now and what I will and won’t give of myself.
As horrendous, cruel, vile, shocking as it was, it has been the biggest learning curb of my life.
If it wasn’t for Mr Tudor …. I really don’t know!
He has my utmost respect and admiration for his brilliant work.
And T… I totally agree with you .. it’s bullshit!
Hugs n kisses lovely one
(I’m visiting your beautiful country soon … looking forward to some more chi chi’s) 🍹
Stay safe 💜Xx
Bubbles
Now that you have cut the narcissist out of your life, lots of sex with Mr Bubbles should take care of any lingering health irritants. Heres to lots of cha chas after many chi chis.
NA
Bubbles, thank you for giving me hope.
Sometimes it seems like an endless journey.
Holy shit, T! I hope your cardio appointment goes well and the ultrasound reveals nothing too serious.
I have a-fib (intermittent) plus fibro and depression, and understand how scary this stuff can be. It really sucks. Our bodies hold onto so much that we don’t even realize.
Hi Mary,
Stress is an evil bitch!!!
I’m so sorry for yours too. An a fib is a serious thing.
I have therapy today. Hoping to get through it today, lol. I’d rather go for a swim with my turtle friends. They are so gentle! And a good affirmation that there are people who are the same.
Sometimes nature is the best therapy.
Mary and T
Just be grateful you both still have a heart. Others are not so lucky. Not mentioning any names……
** side eyes Tudor **
I have one. It is black and icy.
HG
I consider you a machine with a 36.5 megawatt (49,000 horsepower) high temperature superconductor propulsion motor. Half the size of similar conventional motors and more fuel efficient, freeing up space for additional war fighting capability.
Black and icy pales in comparison to that I think, but ok, I can go with it.
Very good.
Thank you HG for clarifying re: the compartmentalization. LOL at “supposed” guilt. #torturedsoul
Isn’t there a shred of pink left in there somewhere if you chisel away all the ice?
So true, NA!
It was a trip to hear it and see it in action.
I’m in love with my heart.
Seeing it made me peacefull.
The sad thing is I could sense it’s much different than my brain. Odd, but real. The two are in a disconnect mode.
And the beat was like a dance tune, and it even looked like it was dancing…like it was happy and full of joy…
It was really weird!!!
I know HG has a heart. His is uniquelydifferent from ours.