A Very Royal Narcissist

On Saturday 19th May, Rachel Meghan Markle (“RMM”) will marry Prince Harry and this forthcoming union is attracting just as much attention for the debacle surrounding the bride’s family as the event itself. I will be far more interested in the FA Cup which takes place on the same day, but one cannot avoid the repeated mention of the forthcoming royal nuptials and thus Miss Markle comes under scrutiny.

Is she a narcissist? Her half-sister, Samantha Markle certainly thinks so as she has been particularly outspoken about RMM calling her

“a narcissist, a shallow, social climber”

She has also criticised RMM for failing to provide any emotional or financial support to her and RMM’s father once RMM became famous. Others have described Samantha Markle as being jealous and exhibiting a sense of entitlement. Are Samantha’s remarks accurate and demonstrate what RMM is and those attacking Samantha are the coterie and Lieutenants of RMM, as they attempt to limit any damage and discredit Samantha or are they the remarks  and the ramblings of a jealous sibling? It is difficult to assess in isolation. However, it is interesting that Samantha chose such a description. If she wanted to insult RMM she might have chosen other unpleasant descriptions such as branding her a whore, a gold-digger, stand-offish and such like. Thus, might there be some grain of truth (when viewed cynically) in what Samantha Markle has said?

Samantha Markle also commented that RMM watched the royals on television when young (hardly anything unique in that) and that RMM preferred Harry as she has a soft spot for gingers and it was always her ambition to be a princess. It is hardly a revelation that a young girl wants to be a princess, many do aspire to that dream as part of their childhood and drop such a notion as they grow older.

Other family members have not been shy at expressing their opinion about RMM. Her Uncle Michael Markle stated

“I’m upset and surprised about not being selected but if they don’t want me there, then I don’t want to go.”

Half-brother Tom Markle Jnr remarked

“She’s torn our entire family apart. She’s clearly forgotten her roots.” 

He claims he sent her a congratulatory letter on her engagement which was not replied to.

Two other uncles have been snubbed, one a bishop (admittedly of his own church) and the other a retired US diplomat. It appears only two family members of RMM have actually been invited and the farce surrounding her father’s attendance/non-attendance on her wedding day has clogged-up many a newsfeed. It transpires that it is her mother Doria Ragland who will attend and give RMM away. Her mother has only arrived in the UK three days ago where one might have expected a longer attendance given the high-profile nature of the wedding. Did she not want to come sooner or was she not permitted to do so?

Is it the case that RMM is surrounded by a dysfunctional family and thinks it better that they should not attend or is it the case that whilst her family may have their issues they wish to share in RMM’s happy wedding day and would do so without complication, but RMM sees their attendance and involvement as embarrassing, a reminder of where she came from (which she wants to forget now she is in the rarified atmosphere of royal life) and thus is most content to keep them an ocean away and uninvited? A caring individual would most likely invite family because, well, they are family. Yes, the odd relative may not be invited for cogent reasons but to only have two family members attend does smack of a calculated decision to keep them away because they no longer serve any purpose and would damage RMM’s image. If so, such behaviour is in line with the narcissistic behaviour of maintaining a particular appearance and cutting people off quite readily.

Such a conclusion gains credence with the revelations from former friend Ninaki Priddy who was friends with RMM for thirty of RMM’s 36 years on the planet. Miss Priddy commented

“Meghan was calculated, very calculated in the way she handled people and relationships. She is very strategic in the way she cultivates circles of friends. Once she decides you’re not part of her life, she can be very cold. It’s this shutdown mechanism she has.”

Miss Priddy’s observation, if accurate, paints a picture of significant narcissistic behaviour by demonstrating

• calculated behaviour to achieve an aim
• friendship is developed for ulterior gain, not for the friendship in itself
• the switching behaviour – white to black
• the swift execution of such behaviour evidencing a lack of empathy

Having been a friend for such an extensive time period Miss Priddy must have some basis for the remarks. Might she however be a jealous friend? Her friendship ended with RMM owing to the way RMM treated her first husband, Trevor Engleton. A disapproval of such behaviour does demonstrate empathy on the part of Miss Priddy and lends credence to her credibility with regard to her observations.

RMM and Mr Engleton were together for six years and married in 2011. Soon after, RMM achieved her breakthrough role as an actress in the series ‘Suits’ and moved to Toronto. Mr Engleton was the one who travelled back and forth from California to Toronto to support his wife. He put in the miles as he shuttled to and from RMM with no suggestion she reciprocated. Not withstanding his dedication, the marriage did not last long and they split and divorced in 2013. Mr Engleton commented that the split “came out of the blue” and that RMM posted the engagement and wedding rings back to him to show it was over. Did RMM disengage from Mr Engleton without explanation, just relying on the symbolic act of returning the rings? If so, such haughty and dismissive behaviour would accord with the behaviour of a narcissist.

Miss Priddy explained that once the nuptials had been secured between the two, RMM behaved “like a light switched off”. This is further indicative behaviour demonstrating that once RMM felt her relationship with Mr Engleton was secured through marriage, she had control and therefore need not behave towards him in a favourable way, in other words, the golden period came to an end. Apparently, RMM had commented about Mr Engleton previously

“if anything were to happen to [Mr Engleton] she wouldn’t be able to go on”

Yet, RMM ended the marriage. Of course people’s feelings can change, but there was no suggestion that Mr Engleton did anything to invite such treatment, on the contrary he remained a faithful and devoted husband, but it appeared he had outlived his usefulness and with RMM’s career rising and in the ascendancy he was no longer required and thus jettisoned with familiar callousness and swiftness which is the preserve of the narcissist.

During her time in Toronto, there were suggestions that whilst married she became close to a Michael Del Zolte, whether there is any substance in this is unknown. It was also rumoured she had a fling with the golfer Rory McIlroy but again this is unconfirmed. If those suggestions were true then this would accord with the behaviour of a narcissist who has no concern with regard to infidelity and serving a sense of entitlement. Indeed, if this was the case then with Mr Engleton secured by marriage and ensconced in California, he would be in devaluation as the Intimate Partner Primary Source and it would not be a surprise for Mr Del Zolte and Mr McIlroy to become ensnared also as Intimate Partner Secondary Sources. However, the extent of any veracity with regard to these rumoured extra-marital relationships remains unconfirmed.

It is however confirmed that following the end of her marriage, RMM moved on to Canadian Chef Cory Vitiello and the pair dated through 2014 to 2016. Further comment has arisen that her relationship with Prince Harry arose whilst she was still with Mr Vitiello and she then ended the relationship with him because Prince Harry was in the picture. If accurate, such a shift from one person to another, especially one which would be regarded as a ‘trade-up’ in terms of wealth, status and position would appeal to a narcissist. Of course, people do move from one relationship to another with some overlap and this is not in itself determinative of that person as begin a narcissist, but such behaviour, which is ultimately self-serving and selfish whichever way it is looked at, is not flattering and when added to other indicative factors, then the evidence begins to mount up.

RMM and Prince’s Harry’s relationship has naturally been well-documented and they became engaged after just 18 months of meeting. Some may see that as rather quick, but it is not unduly hasty and certainly many narcissists would outstrip that time period with room to spare.

A number of RMM’s behaviours certainly weigh against her in terms of narcissism –

• She was a stripper ( a role, as with being an actress that appeals to someone with high narcissistic traits even if it does not make them a narcissist)
• She stated she was a stripper on her CV, clearly unconcerned about how that would appear – evidencing a sense of entitlement and lack of accountability
• The reference to her being a stripper was then later removed from her CV as she began to move in more refined circles – facade management
• Her body language in interviews and engagements with Harry has shown her to stare at him for an overly long time, clasp his hand and place her hand repeatedly on Harry’s back (the Trump power pat) all of which denotes a desire to dominate and signal that she is in charge whilst no doubt using plausible deniability to reject such an accusation by claiming that she is being supportive
• There have been suggestions that she has not actually graduated from North West University although claiming to do so – if so, this is the grandiosity, telling of lies and stage management that narcissists engage in
• Mirroring – she wore a blue bracelet identical to Harry’s and has repeatedly worn outfits and also adopted poses mirroring Kate Middleton (the Duchess of Cambridge), Princess Diana and Pippa Middleton. The photographs and footage show this repeated narcissistic trait.
• Allegations that her wealth is over-stated. She is said to be worth US $ 5 million yet was living in a poor area of Toronto in property apparently paid for by the studio responsible for suits – if this is correct this show grandiosity and facade management
• Touts herself as a feminist and taking up progressive causes, caring about mental health however was content to wear a £ 56 000 engagement dress (so much for being a humanitarian), has apparently done nothing to assist her own father who has health issues and as for her commitment to progressive causes so far this appears to have been writing a letter aged 11 or thereabouts to a soap company complaining about a sexist add and writing a piece for Elle magazine about her struggle concerning her racial identity. Hardly a litany of fire-brand commitment and therefore evidence the hypocrisy, facade management and fake empathy of the narcissist.
• She has expensive tastes and likes to show off her connections as evidenced by the list of famous friends and high end products which existed on her Instagram account before it was closed down – again grandiosity
• Prince Harry has never met her father which seems a very strange step given he is the father of the bride and Prince Harry has no difficulty in travelling around the world. Does RMM want to keep those troublesome facade damaging relatives away from her target perhaps? The typical narcissistic behaviour of compartmentalising their lives and isolating perceived troublemakers.
• Many of Prince Harry’s childhood friends have not been invited to the wedding but many celebrities have. One doubts this is Prince Harry’s doing but rather the actions of a controlling and calculating mind who does not want reminders of a world she did not occupy and instead prefers to fill it with vacuous status-boosintg celebrities who are only really there to say ‘look at me’ anyway.

The cumulative effect of these behaviours, the treatment of family, the intimate relationship pattern (especially towards her ex-husband) and the observations of a longstanding former friend do cause the conclusion that RMM is a narcissist, to be reached. All of the above, some of which are confirmed and others remain speculative as stated, if all taken to be accurate demonstrate

• A sense of entitlement
• A lack of empathy
• A lack of accountability
• Black and white thinking
• Use of inter-personal relationships as devices for self-gain
• Lying
• Grandiosity
• Haughty behaviour
• A manufactured version of self
• Facade management
• A desire for recognition and response (fuel)
• Switching
• Compartmentalisation
• Isolation

All of which support RMM being a narcissist.

This conclusion is also heavily supported by Prince Harry himself. This is a man who lost his mother in tragic circumstances and at a very young age followed his mother’s hearse with the eyes of the world on him. He has faced repeated rumours about his real father not being Prince Charles but James Hewitt. It is clear that these experiences have had a significant impact on him and would suggest he has suffered some form of damage, a trait which is attractive to the narcissist.

Prince Harry no doubt has a significant extrovert streak. He is not academic but is industrious, well-liked and enjoyed something of a reputation as a party prince. However, be under no illusion that those in the upper echelons of society have always enjoyed a good knees-up and engaged in substantial bacchanalian excess – the difference then was the world’s media and social media was nowhere near as brazen and intrusive. Furthermore, those around the royals were far more discrete. Prince Harry is no different to many of his family and ancestors – he has just been seen enjoying himself raucously rather than it be hidden.

Prince Harry is an empathic individual. He has inherited Princess Diana’s caring and empathic traits. He has evidenced this through his career in the army, his establishment of the Invictus Games and charity work such as his trek to the south pole. He admires Kate and William’s settled and stable family life – contrast this to his own childhood – and it is patently clear that this vivacious man is one of empathy who craves the establishment of his own settled life and his various traits are a magnet to the narcissist.

The traits and behaviours of RMM, coupled with her selection of Prince Harry and his own traits confirms that come Saturday 19th May, the Very Suited Narcissist will achieve her childhood ambition and become a royal and so with it the creation of a Very Royal Narcissist.