Poll Results – Forthcoming Articles
Just over a week ago I invited you to vote for which articles you would like me to write further about. The subjects with the most votes which comprise the top three will be addressed presently. The top three are:-
- How aware are narcissists of what they are doing?
- Why most narcissists have no insight into their behaviour.
- Why a narcissist cannot be cured.
Thank you for voting.
HG Tudor
62 thoughts on “Poll Results – Forthcoming Articles”
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2 – the ‘self-awareness’ of narcissists keeps triggering me. Would love to read your thoughts about ‘Being aware of narcissism (as a condition/disorder) versus being aware of narcissistic behaviour (like f.i. the need of compliments, the need to dominate others, the awareness of manipulating people)’. To me, it looks like there can be a partial awareness, mostly of the more grandiose/powerful/less hurting traits (due to lack of empathy?)
Thank you HG, I am reading for almost a year now, still learning so much.
Yes, HG, RMM does not hide herself behind anonymity. I agree….
Good morning, HG. I did not complain about it, that five people (including you) said their own opinion towards me. It was a statement, not a complaint. I am of a little bit harder stuff. Do not be so sensitive, enjoy your coffee or tea or scone. Sun shines bright. I will enjoy that now.
You misunderstand (probably on purpose). I was referring to the responses of other readers towards Moira. You, of course, knew that.
To follow.
I am an empath. My mother is a narcissist. Why should I accept the notion that having empathic traits vs. narcissistic traits is a liability and not an asset?
Hi Empath,
I am like you with a mother who is a narcissist while I am empathic. I’m sorry you have to deal with this difficult situation.
After discovering the truth about narcissism, I felt exactly like you. For some time, on the inside, I was asking myself why I should have to subdue my empathic traits. It made me resentful. I was angry that my “good” traits were a liability while the dark and dishonest traits of narcissists were something they seemed to get a pass for because narcissists can’t change their ways.
I think that empathic traits like honesty, trust, openness and being sensitive and caring towards other people etc are good, positive traits to have. They show you are a decent and emotionally intelligent person. You should be happy and proud to have those traits.
The only thing is that those traits are a liability to you in terms of your own self-protection and healthy well-being. In order to be safe from manipulative people and to keep your emotional well-being protected from harm, you are better off to be careful of who you show those traits to and conscious about how free and open you are with displaying those traits.
To illustrate this, imagine you had a beautiful gold bracelet that you loved to wear. Imagine that it made you happy to wear it and you felt good whenever you looked at it on your wrist. Now imagine that you had to walk home after dark through a bad area and you had the choice to either wear your bracelet in full view of everyone or you could choose to hide it in your pocket. To protect something that’s dear to you, you would choose to hide it in your pocket and not to risk something bad happening to it. The bracelet is still yours to love and enjoy, only now you are careful not to expose it to people who may take it from you and ruin your happiness and enjoyment of it.
I know it’s unfair and seems totally illogical that narcissists are somehow let off the hook because they can’t change their behaviours. Just like it’s unfair that there are thieves that steal other people’s belongings. Unfortunately though, we can’t change the world by protesting that it’s unfair or illogical. It doesn’t serve us in a real and practical way. Self-protection is the next best thing and that will actually serve you in a real and practical way.
Not sure where to post this but hoping it will help others and hoping HG, that you will reply minimally so it is more visible to others:
I personally am profoundly affected by music. It is cathartic and has helped me maintain 5 weeks NC. Also I read A LOT and obsessively read HG’s blog and books too, but I offer below a few alternatives that are soul healing when you need a break:
When you are just reaching the conclusion of NPD in your partner and need some sustenance and some concrete rules for your reaction:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AyWsHs5QdiY
When you need a song to express your sadness and grief and allow yourself those few moments of breakdown:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PNHeMAL9Vo8
When you think about the Hoover attempts:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6vh4sb7sk0o
When you feel weak, want to contact, can’t eat because you are nauseated by everything and feel the anxiety in every cell of your being:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XEyhoB-hUrE
I thank you, HG, in advance of reading this lengthy post. I am devastated as I cannot utilize you for consult due to discretionary issues at home. I thank you to the moon and back for all that you do. My healing is immense because of you. Don’t stop your great works.
Thank YOU very much HG for providing such interesting information.
I’m looking forward to reading all three posts. I’m sure that your insights will further expand my knowledge (as always) and assist me and others in understanding the behaviour not only of narcissists, but also of ourselves. It’s truly appreciated.
You are welcome.
Nr. 1 is very much needed. The discussion yesterday developed from rational arguments to an ecstasy of unfair and bullying comments towards Moira. She only attacked one person: HG. Many people attacked her. I have seen a lot of typical narcissistic phrases shining through. I have one or two narcissistic strong traits but bullying is not one of them. And for all to know, I disagree with all what Moira wrote, but I did not like the shit storm against her.
Unfortunately for Moira, she made a rod for her own back with her unsubstantiated and inaccurate comments and then showed blatant hypocrisy, so it is not surprise people took up against what she wrote. They are just as entitled to respond to what she wrote.
HG, of course people are allowed to respond! But it is enough when a few people respond rationally and then it is over. Some did that and others had a lot of fun to degrade her. To respond without emotional reaction and with logical and rational arguments towards an emotional reaction of someone that is an art, which many people are not able to do. I understand that you did not like her inaccurate comments. But I know, that you know better than anyone else how to lead a pack of hounds.
Mona
You have to remember that when people respond with a comment they do not know how many other people have responded or what they have said until the comments are moderated so thats why you may deem that there are more than necessary. Many people know the art of logical and rational arguments but HG had that covered, so others could be brief and to the point in their thoughts even though they could have expanded. Lastly-people have opinions and just because they may align with HG and they want to express them does not make them a pack of dogs.
Mona
People here have their own opinions and thoughts. I am trying to figure how you came to the conclusion HG had anything to do with others voicing their opinion on what was being said.
If we were part of his private life I would not disagree to the fact he can lead people in any direction he desires, yet this is not his private life and his agenda here is for us to understand his perspective not manipulate anyone here, providing a voice and opinion for all that come.
Mona,
I say this with love. Have some empathy for yourself for having to read those ten minutes of 🐎💩, have some empathy for all of us who wasted our time talking about nonsense. I feel like your response is simply misplaced empathic guilt, assuming you are an empath.
I’ve been dealing with this mindset on the FB main page comments. Many seem to think that it’s “unfair for us to judge RMM.” “We don’t even know her!” “It’s totally unfair!” “Just let them have their day, Harry picked her and that’s that.” “I’m really looking forward to the wedding I wish them the best!” Or my personal favorite “I really thought RMM was a great actress I wish she would come back to Suits” “the people here need to get a grip.”
RMM has thrust herself into the public spotlight and scrutiny is what happens when you do that. We have every right to judge her. The purpose of the article was to educate the public about narcissism. The article will have absolutely no effect on RMM daily life. She won’t feel picked on or judged so why do so many feel it for her???
Moira was a complete and total bully to us, over emotional and made absolutely no sense. It’s ok for her to call HG a racist and bully him? HG took way more time to deal with her than I would. No one “bullied” her. If you are going to self richeously make statements that are provocative and wrong then it’s our responsibility to try and help her see it as such. If Moira doesn’t feel remorse for herself or even state “I’m being bullied this isn’t fair!” then why do you? I don’t understand…
Narcangel, Twilight and Jess
Narcangel, you are right, that we do not know, how many comments are there about someone. We cannot control it. HG is the moderator and he has an overview of what is published and he has the control. Therefore he could have stopped it, if he had wanted. He did not want it.There is no excuse for him.He could have said: “The discussion is over” or he could have held back a lot of comments, telling there are too many at the moment. He is responsible for his blog. And we all are his pack of dogs (viewing it this way) which he should lead in his function as a moderator.
Twilight, this blog is part of his private life. It dominates a lot of his private time. It is one of his private lives. We all know that narcs lead double-lives, although they are not multiple personalities (although I assumed it former) . I do not know what his real agenda is. He started this blog as a part of his therapy, he told it often. And the help and information for all the people here are only a by-product (his own words).
Jess, I am not very much interested in the Royal British family and their members and I am not very much interested in actors or actresses. I would if I had personal contact to them. Nevertheless I watched a little bit the wedding on TV and I think, it was beautiful. It was a positive example of trying to connect black and white. The wedding was intentionally constructed to give that impression. (Do not forget the face of the Queen, she was annoyed about this modern, in some way provoking wedding. The American priest was a little bit too much for her british rigidity ) Therefore it is very clear now – even for Moira – that her own fears dictated her view. Jess, I want to quote you a little bit, but I change the person of interest:
“HG has thrust himself into the public spotlight and scrutiny is what happens, when you do that. We have every right to judge him.”
Every coin has two sides.
If you all want to, let us stop this discussion and focus again the more important thing: narcissism.
Once again, why should an individual be denied being able to respond to the asinine observation of another just because there are many people who disagree with those asinine observations. To compare me with RMM in terms of thrusting oneself into the limelight is a poor comparison. I remain anonymous, she has courted that publicity purposefully.
Mona
And if HG held all those other opinions back or stopped them he would be accused of manipulating the blog. Free speech is something that is generally denied in the narcissistic relationship and I am glad it is not the case here.
NA, the last thing we all need including HG is to feel pressured, bullied and made to feel less than on this blog. Enough with moira, mona, leave them be continuing this line of questioning is not beneficial, why is it HG knows how to get his point across and stop. To quote depeche mode ….People are people so why should it be You and I should get along so awfully.
I agree with you mona… but I’m told I’m “too nice” so …
Quasi, thank you very much for your comment. It is not easy, if you have another opinion than the majority. I still stand for it.
You only know it is contrary to the majority because I allowed the majority to speak, something you state I should not have done. You can’t have it both ways.
I see your point Mona, empathic/normal people do not view others as black or white,we can’t Our compassion and empathy does not allow us to…We see shades of grey, there are some people on this blog that think they are empathic but they are not (mic drop) it is evident in how they speak, write and behave. Some people saw the need to paint Meghan and Moria black, for whatever their reason and also with what resonated with them in their private lives or just on what HG said, because agreeing with HG gets them benefits.
HG was correct in questioning Moira, but it was very difficult for me to digest, when he goes in hammer and tongs… as I saw both view points, he will exploit your emotional thinking, sometimes you just have to not care, back down, meaning do not engage and pick your battles wisely… I definitely had rage, lots of rage…with many readers and HG, My point again is empathic/normal people do not see others as black or white also we don’t love bomb (go over the top with praise) blame shift, live in victim state or manipulate or coerce others into what we want them to do, or follow blindly and not care about others well being, both mentally and physically. We respect, first and foremost, that is difficult when sometimes what you see and read makes you want to crack some skulls 🙂
Julie P
Going into rages and wanting to crack skulls over people commenting doesnt sound very empathic. Just an observation.
Narc angel it was a reference for HG. Not about me.
Besides when you understand unconscious biais you know we all unconsciously segregate information about people base on our own unconscious views and experiences.
Impossible to claim yourself non-biast , even if you would make efforts not to be.
Empaths are no better – they have more filters of “ goodness” that prevents them from understanding their own bias because it would make them- us feel bad and not righteous enough.
I concur. My reactions were more like gasps and the occasional, “oh no you just didn’t…” Then I wanted to dive in with humor to add levity.
Julie
“I definitely had rage, lots of rage…with many readers and HG”
“We respect, first and foremost, that is difficult when sometimes what you see and read makes you want to crack some skulls”
Can you see the confusion in how they are a reference for HG and not about you? No need to answer.
Narc angel thank you for you continued interest however the conversation has moved on.
Cheers
Julie P
Haha. Yes it usually does when people get caught out. Cheers.
Narc angel, throw me some lessers and I a happy to crack some skulls. I like violence. Not your typical hippy empath.
I do have high narc traits but I have empathy.
Looks like a missed a whole other conversation. Pity all the stuff happens when i am sleeping or working.
Enjoy.
There are two other articles I had been hoping were going to be concluded, if I’ve missed them please point me in the right direction.
The first is the 2nd and 3rd installments of “But what if he’s there too”.
The other I can’t remember the name of but in it you wrote about the different types and level of narcs, but stated in the first or second paragraph that this article wasn’t about the basically broke and pathetic level that was so beneath all narcs, and that you’d write about them later. Have you?
Good day HG
I look forward to reading your insights on each.
I have always left with much to reflect upon.
And left smh in amazement of others observation and opinion of your work.
Some do not recognize light even when they see it.
Are you giving any consideration to Ugotit’s suggestion to be interviewed by a reader at some future point?
Glad to see #3 made the cut. That was one I had voted for.
If someone wishes to do so and e-mails me, I shall consider it further.
Clarece?…Clarece?…where did you go?…
Oh… I think I hear her pounding the keys composing an email lol.
As a matter of fact NA… lol…
I am making a draft of questions I would ask our Master HG should I be honored with that mighty task.
Here is one I would ask:
HG, I (and the readers) know many things about your personal history from your childhood. However, since it is hidden behind the “HG Tudor” identity, you are safely able to function and operate unhindered in your day-to-day life. On the other side, all of your proximate sources that you interact with know you as the man behind whatever your real identity is.
How do you think you would be affected if you came face-to-face with one of your readers unexpectedly? (This is hypothetical do you can’t answer that you would deny you are HG). You are thrown face to face with one of us who have followed you and learned from you. That person can then merge the true history with the true identity encompassing all of you. Would you feel vulnerable and exposed? Would you feel uneasy? It would be different than dealing with the doctors because it would not be under scrutiny in a clinical setting.
But they would not know that it was me and unless they happen to walking along with one of my books, I would not know they were a reader.
O.M.G. So not the point of the question. lolll
Are you seriously going to make me come up with some plausible scenario to have you address the actual question of would you feel vulnerable and exposed?
Well for instance if I heard THAT voice saying “Good Day, it’s nice to make your acquaintance MLA,” that’s when I drop my purse, choke on my gum, trip on the sidewalk or whatever recognizing British Darth Vadar’s voice. You’ll KNOW.
Welcome to the interview…
HG and Clarece bantering for an hour.
I answered it. No, I would not feel vulnerable and exposed for the reasons already given.
Clarece
Haha. He did say open to it, not that he would co-operate fully.
Thank you for the vote of confidence NA. Lol
I actually responded yesterday that I already have a draft of questions for our beloved HG, but it’s disappeared. I’ve read a couple others saying WP isn’t showing comments in moderation.
I even included a sample question. Haha
Hopefully it turns up. 😊
Go for it, Clarece!!!
Youd be a great interviewer clarece! I hope to see this in the future 🙂
HG, why would you need to be interviewed by a reader when you answer all of are questions, offer consults, write amazing posts, and have a library of books that you have written available for us to purchase at a very minimal price?
True, but sometimes people have an itch which needs to be scratched!
Thank you for replying. I just didn’t understand the reasoning behind it? I get it now. 🤦🏼♀️ Enjoy your weekend and hope you have a productive week.
Hi FM1T,
I took Ugotit’s suggestion as wanting one of the fellow readers to interview HG, in the similar vein we will watch any of our individually favorite entertainers be interviewed in the talk show setting. Or think Inside the Actor’s Studio…
When HG has done podcast type interviews, they are typically still to answer and educate about narcissism. HG answers about hoovers, the schools, nature vs nurture creating narcissism.
This would be to ask HG specifically about HG behind the computer screen (with everything respectful)
For example, HG is an avid history buff. What’s his favorite time period of study and why?
HG plays classical piano. His piano teacher was one person in his childhood that he actually has developed a true bond with. How does the piano affect him now as an adult? Does he gravitate towards it as a source of something calming and comforting? Does he use it in seduction? Or does he feel a resistance towards it because his teacher was abruptly removed (or left suddenly)?
I wouldn’t be asking HG about different scenarios for a DLS or IPSS to be hoovered. Lol
Clarece hi! Thanks for making it clearer to me. That would be a very good idea! You would be great at doing the interview! Have a good Sunday fun day!
HG…that voice though. Your voice is very unique. If you said something to me on the street I would know it was you. I’m just surprised no one has ever recognized you by the way you speak.
Maybe I speak with a country burr in real life to mask this voice?!
This site has been very informative and has opened my eyes.
Thank you
You are most welcome, do keep reading Joele1.
HG, have you not already answered the first question regarding narcs’ awareness of what they are doing in your five facts series?
I have but it merits expansion.
I would like for you to discuss number 3. Why a narcissist cannot be cured.
There will be an article for each of the matters listed Yaminah.
your welcome
Dear Mr Tudor,
I am very much looking forward to your new articles with anticipated interest
Thank you for your poll
I like your new direction
Kindly Bubbles
Number 3 – HG… anything about reprogramming has been done that you know about ? Is it in the disease itself A sense of entitlement and superiority that prevents cure etc what steps in the way of curing?
My experience with reprogramming has been with fear of abandonment- now that I don’t have it anymore my social skills are down and I get more into conflicts etc because I am not so nice anymore because I have no fear that they will abandon me – I don’t care as much- I can see how being programmed for empathy while you don’t have it would create a total different person.
How they manipulate therapist and use them etc?