If You Leave The Narcissist
The narcissist senses that the grip on the victim is under threat in the dynamic between narcissist and Intimate Partner Primary Source. A Preventative Hoover follows – can you establish which school and cadre of narcissist (or narcissists?) is delivering these Preventative Hoovers?
If you leave me I shall surely die and you cannot want that on your conscience can you? If you leave me now, everything that we have built up together will come crashing down around us. Why would you want to do that? Why destroy what we have. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but it is not the time to focus on those few bad things but rather to remember what we had, what we have and to treasure that. We are meant to be together. We are bound together as one and I cannot allow you to leave and break what should be unbreakable. How could you countenance doing such a thing? We work so well together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. We have that perfect love, we have just lost our way a little, that is all. We can soon find it again, trust me. We found one another at the beginning didn’t we? Two lost souls who had both been hurt by others before, we saw enough in one another to trust one another with recounting those painful memories didn’t we? We were fated to meet. It was meant to be and if we were able to find ourselves amidst the fog of hurt and regret then surely we can find our way again now? I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.
We have such plans for the future. We want to marry one another and raise a family. That desire cannot have evaporated overnight. No, I thought as much, I can see it in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will be nothing more than a wretched soul if he was to lose you. You are everything to me, you are my north star, my guiding light, my sense of calm and serenity when all is chaos around us. I need you and you need me. We fit together so well. Everybody says that about us. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see those icons of a perfect love torn asunder? Who will they look to for comfort and encouragement? We not only have an obligation towards one another but to them as well. There is too much darkness out there. Too much hurt, agony and cruelty and we can stand together and be that shining beacon of hope. Do it for me, do it for them, do it for us. Please, I am collapsing inside. The thought of never waking beside you ever again fills me with the most terrible dread. If you leave me, you will rip out the core of me and I will perish. There will be no purpose without you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from my world if you walk away now. Please do not do it. Please stay with me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy together. There is so much we have not yet done, so many worlds to experience together, to conquer and rule. You are the one who sits at my left hand, my queen. Whatever is needed, just say the words and I will execute what is required but please, please, I am begging you, do not leave me. I love you.
If you leave me I shall ensure you die and believe me, it will not trouble my conscience. If you leave me now, everything that you know and cherish will come crashing down around you. Why would I want to do that? Why destroy what you have? Because you deserve it for your selfishness and your disdain towards me, after everything that I have done for you. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but that is because you have not made the time to focus on me and you would rather forget what we had, what I gave you and to treasure me. We will always be together. You will not escape me. I will make it my sole mission in my life to ensure you never become free of me. We are bound together as one, you accepted that from the beginning and I cannot allow you to leave and break what I am entitled to. How could you countenance doing such a thing? How could you hurt the one who has done so much for you? I know how, because you are a fraud, a cruel temptress who swept me up and promised the earth and then delivered nothing. Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are. I worked so hard to bring us together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. Well understand this. I meant none of it. I have never loved you, you do not deserve my love, I will give it to someone who will appreciate it and give me what I want, but I will not let you rest. I will not let you walk away from me. You have a price to pay and you will keep on paying. I have created the perfect love and you have trodden all over it. If you try to leave I can soon find you again, trust me. My reach is far and wide. You have no idea of those who are waiting to help me and bring you down. I found you at the beginning didn’t I? That wasn’t me acting alone, I can promise you that. You a broken and lost soul who had been hurt by others before, I saw enough in you to endure you recounting those painful memories didn’t I? Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you. We were not fated to meet, I chose you. It was meant to be and I will find you again amidst the fog of hurt and regret that I will weave around you so you cannot see a way to escape. I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.
I have such plans for the future. I want to marry another and raise a family and I will keep you updated as to that progress so you are tormented by what you could have had, but you chose to be selfish and leave. That malicious intent will not evaporate overnight, you do realise that don’t you? No, I thought as much, I can see the fear in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will turn you into nothing more than a wretched shadow of your former self. I am everything to you, I will be the clouds which obscure your waystar, I will snuff out your light, I will eradicate any sense of calm and serenity by sowing chaos all around you. You need me more than ever. My machinations fit together so well. Everybody will know how treacherous you are if you dare to leave me. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see this icon of perfection treated so unfairly? Who will they look to for leadership and brilliance? I not only have an obligation towards myself but to my supporters as well. There is much darkness out there for you, all created by me. Much hurt, agony and cruelty and my supporters will and can stand together and be that relentless machine that crushes you. Do it and see what happens. Please me or you will collapse inside. The thought of never sleeping properly again will fill you with dread because I will always be there, waiting and watching. If you leave me, I will rip your heart out and consume it. There will be no purpose left for you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from your world if you walk away now. Do not do it. Stay with me. I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.
29 thoughts on “If You Leave The Narcissist”
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Be careful what you focus on when you leave the narcissist. You will attract another one. He will listen to what you say about your ex and present as a different person.
When I left my ULN (9yr) I was empowered, fit, successful and self-employed. I was my strongest self. That’s when I met the cerebral LGN, a successful intelligence officer in the military. He seemed kind and had a calming effect on me. He confused me with constant attention but no real desire to commit to me, flirtation but no sexual interest and constant triangulation with at least 10 NISS. I could tell they also felt confused and rejected by him.
A year into my relationship with the LGN my ULN murdered a small child I broke down, feeling GUILT bc she no longer had a father. I disengaged from my relationship. I started to drink a lot. Six months later I met the Victim MMRN at the bar… An engineer, divorced with two teens, he presented as the perfect dad. He was better with my daughter than me and when I was being devalued, I was the outsider.
Reading a “A Grimoire of Narcissism,” by Hg, the definition of the victim narcissist unsettled me. “This narcissist targets victims who are uninterested in success (material, looks or intelligence) prefers to demonstrate considerable caring and compassion for those who are down-at-heel.” “This narcissist prefers domesticated individuals from backgrounds which exemplify caring, such as nursing.” “This narcissist will seek an appliance which will provide fuel without getting anything in return and plays on pity and sympathy to gain fuel.”
I didn’t realize how rock bottom I was until I read this. I was focused on finding a father for her rather than building up my own self and becoming successful. I was willing to care for and have sympathy for others, but not myself.
Jess thanks for sharing your story from Narcs to Narcs – I also have a story and I see my slow decline even after escaping – disengagement from one to another. That was before being here – which I know will put me back on track
Was going to say mid-ranger, but changed to greater due to the thorough maliciousness in the second half.
Hi HG,
If a Narcissist destroys his victim knowingly and purposefully, and he mistreated her in the worst possible way, resulting in a planned escape, does he forget what he did to her? She left because he hurt her – does he acknowledge that he caused her to leave?
Thank you for answering..
I was going to ask the same question HG. I clearly escaped this time because of his bad behaviors and he admitted in writing that he treated me badly and then after that I owed him etc.
Also you say they delete us from their mind. Mine was talking a lot about his exes – so I guess they were still in his mind in a certain way – even only to use for triangulate ?
Indeed. In some instances you are effectively deleted. In others, you may be deleted insofar as we do not want any contact with you, but we use your existence to triangulate with your replacement (the ex was a nutter, you are so wonderful). In others, there may be a malice campaign so you are not deleted even when replaced and instead pursued with malign intent.
Kate, narcs follow their own internal patterns, their own life-roller-coaster of good and bad feelings about themselves – you will be rejected and it has nothing to do with you, but more how you fit their pattern (what role you play) and where on the cycle you are.
Narcissism is a compensatory self-defense mechanism, it’s a combination of a very fragile ego: not a real self but an idealised self, so they are easily ‘wounded’ – and a total empathy of empathy for you.
1. Fragility
2. Callousness
3. Fixed life patterns that form a ‘comfort zone’ which supports their idealised sense of self and protects them from real relationships, failure and accountability.
They may all have different patterns, but they are all living inside a fixed pattern that cannot be broken. You will be broken before the pattern of self-preservation is broken and you will by necessity be sacrificed for it.
This is not a healthy person, it’s a pathologically rigid person.
I really like the way you wrote this HG, allowing us empaths to apply the education you have given us to decipher which cadre would use which phrases! Would you perhaps consider using this approach in future posts?! Notice I suggested but did not tell you what to do!😉I am learning! Thx again! You did bloody well, Mate!
Thank you Kat and yes I noticed, applied learning!
Mine was just “You are death to me, useless. You are my property and will suffering in misery forever, useless fallen lowly creature”.
No one can fill another person’s emptiness, especially not by being a fantasy slave that fulfills every whim impersonally. Narcs treat others like robots.
*elite greater. Apologies I posted to soon.
Victim Midrange, cerebral greater, somatic lesser
I flunked narc school in the past week I have been hoovered three times with the return of the golden period dangling in front of me and I responded all three times now I’m extremely depressed at myself for responding after knowing it’s all fake I’m such a failure at no contact throw me a bone and I jump like a stupid dog
Ugotit
That says to me that you are in need of some attention and/or validation because you are not feeling confident. Try getting it from something you do well (your job, a hobby, etc) instead and not from someone who will appear to validate you only to pull the stool out from under you and laugh while they tell you it was all lies.
I originally responded because my curiosity about his sisters heath she has a repeat of cancer was killing me , I love her dearly and I wanted to know if she’s still alive and if she’s going to survive or not , I’m worn down from moving my mother into a nursing home and emptying my childhood home, but yeah he’s love bombing me big time right now but I know its all lies, I know at some point I will be discarded again
Ugotit, I made myself too intimidating to hoover, because the pattern got boring again. He’s too weak, i’m not fueling his delusions of omnipotence with my emotions. I needed to see the whole pattern to be able to separate from it though.
You should check out Westworld 2 – it features a malignant narc (well, many of them actually). One of them is a Scottish business tyrant, an upper lesser. One of the lines used on him is “your mind seems to reject reality and hence, itself” – and the creature is left to devolve. He then says “I’ve seen all the way to the bottom, god is only the devil laughing down at you”.
It’s beautiful, and the truth about evil.
I think a very talented GE wrote this.
Oh I guess as a long standing IPSS i got “ after all I did for you… after all this time … this is a great loss for me … bla-bla-bla … if you want to go then … bye … well … Gone I am and today was a delightful narc free day.
I like the new cover Hg. I am surprised you don’t have the fire with some kind of flickering effect though.
If you drink two bottles of wine it activates the flicking effect – try it!
Just in case you wondered wth Mr Tudor .. its the hahaha song 😂
Just wondering if you received my song with the flickering tongue .. hahaha hahaha… 👅 😝👅
I wish there was a fireplace frame, a marble one with snowy mountains in the background and the firey letters in the foreground. And an eagle in the distance.
Reading this article is another glaring reminder …. NPD and other borderline personality disorders are not to be messed with. These people are mentally ill, and very dangerous. Get out, stay out.
Sherry, mafia is dangerous. The internet is dangerous. Bears are dangerous. Mentally ill people are as dangerous as poeple with physical disabilities – IMO.
SN, ah well. My favourite malignant narcissist was Jaws.
I don’t think I had the pleasure, IRoll, but if you introduce me, I can tell you if we have the same taste in favorite malignant narcs.
SN: Who do you think makes the mafia and the internet dangerous? Bears have killed 30 people since 2010. In 20 weeks in 22 incidents in US schools alone this year, 31 people, 26 of them children,have been fatally shot. None of the shooters had noteworthy physical disabilities.
Other people of course, PN! Mafia, bears etc. are simply doing their jobs.