You Were Warned
“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”
“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”
“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”
“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”
“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”
“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”
“To me you are.”
“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”
“Well I am.”
“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”
“What else?”
“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”
“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”
“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”
“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”
“How? By you?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”
“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”
“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”
“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”
“Yes we have haven’t we?”
“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”
“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”
“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”
“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”
“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”
“No?”
“No. We have both suffered previously.”
“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”
“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”
“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”
“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”
“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”
“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”
“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”
“That will never happen. You have me forever.”
“I hope so, I really do.”
“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”
“Okay, same again please.”
“Coming right up. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
21 thoughts on “You Were Warned”
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It’s kinda like men who say …” I’m not the marrying type” Women think they are a prize winner if they get him to marry them. Women who are calmly warned don’t take it seriously …and they become curious as to why he says this.
This is why they say it ….he knows the woman is the type he won’t marry and she is the type he will enjoy abusing mentally ….he already knows by meeting her and talking with her …..he knows within minutes of first meeting her that she has no “real” confidence or love for herself ( she doesnt realize her worth) ….and because of their curiosity and how they present themselves.
I think I may have blushed a few times and looked away to escape the conversation . I think older men would say it in a more dominate way .
the one that said to me was also older. Why do you think they do it? fuck them
. I do recall men actually saying stuff like that to me when I was in the online dating world . I went on multiple dates to eat and meet men from dating sites . I recall there were one or two that acted this way just meeting me . I knew it was weird and I ignored the comments …I didn’t banter back and forth with them . I just drank my coffee or wine and said “aren’t you a sweetie “. I left the conversation without trying to insult them. But I didn’t get a second date . Lol . This is way before I knew that narcs existed or had a repertoire . I’m glad I know now . Thank you HG.
This was very interesting to read. The person I suspect is a narc told me on one of our first dates: “I will break your heart” He looked super sad when he said that.
Why tell the person that you will hurt them? Do you think it is a strong indication of being a narc to have this type of conversation?
Great writing. I felt I lived that exact same conversation.
Why tell the person that you will hurt them? Do you think it is a strong indication of being a narc to have this type of conversation?
I am sure you meant to ask HG that question but I am going to answer (from what he has posted here in the past). Sorry HG, I hope you do not mind. But Amanda, I believe that they say that stuff that way when they do eventually hurt you they can avoid being responsible by saying “well I told you so and you stayed!” My MRN does the same shit. Except he will be more sneaky about it and formulate that shit in the form of questions. Like “are you SURE you want to see me? Are you SURE you want to do this?” etc. etc. Then when I say “yes” it is remembered for later. Just combining what I have heard HG say before about this AND my own experience with my MRN.
Fuel on the shelf,
Yes! Heard the same questions. Answered yes far too many times.
“You’re right I’ll only only hurt you. You should stay away.” Then I’d tell him all the good things he did thinking positive reinforcements.
I got to the point where I finally said, “I’m sorry you’d rather I stay away than to match my effort and love me back.”
It’s tough. This site helps tremendously.
hey this was from my old account sorry I had not seen your message. you are so right! It’s brilliant.” I TOLD YOU I WOULD HURT YOU! YOU CANNOT COMPLAIN” The guy is a lawyer/politician so I think he knows very well how to present himself. he has is warning labels on himself so nobody can sue him LOL.
Thank you. This was great advice my friend. thanks for your time.
Hi Amanda. I have had similar conversations with what must have been narcs when on dates, etc. It is a warning. I concluded as a teenager, as my first love did tell me, Im not good enough for you, you’ll end up hating me, I break everyone’s heart, etc. and he did break my heart, I did hate him 4 a time and he wasn’t a good person.
So my friends and I concluded, if some guy said any of these type things, which is so puzzling really, BELIEVE THEM. Run.
I don’t think the Greater ‘drops his hat’ . . . My ex greater knew exactly how to get what he needed and never gave me a warning.
thank you 🙂
Why do they feel the need to give the warning? Is it god helping us?
Really? This is pretty sappy #$%&*$# C’mon empaths, wake up!
haha …true…like we got a huge red flag and yet we stayed :'(
Lol what a bunch of bullshit. That sounds like high school …. women expect more than that …who would buy into that kinda crap. You don’t talk that way ? Maybe when you were 18 ?
What a yummy guy you found for this article picture HG! Of course I’m sure he’s got nothing on you 😉
What if you did run at this point? Would he try to keep you from it, similar to a preventative Hoover?
Yes.
Almost word for word.
Thanks ,HG, for showing me that when anyone says this that they mean it, and to not engage with them further.
I have commented on this article before but every time I see it…..it is an eerie reminder. I had almost the same dialogue with him.
“Don’t be silly…”
“You leave me in tears of happiness because you know just what to say….”
“That is lovely of you to say….”
His textbook. My textbook. All of it. Looking back on it it feels like I am a prop in some play or something.
The guy in the picture is also adorable. Blue eyes huh? Hmmm….I wonder if that is HG. I love the way he makes that face with the eyebrow.
Such kissable lips too!
You knew I was a snake blablabla
do u think they say it to be able to justify their behavior later?