Why We Target You
When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals.
There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist.
The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.
There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.
The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.
The Mid-Range Narcissist recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.
The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.
So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.
Love Devotee – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.
Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.
Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.
Moral Compass – we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.
Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.
21 thoughts on “Why We Target You”
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Sorry it took me so long to reply! For some reason, wordpress isn’t connecting some of my comments, and finding them again is difficult!
(Also, H.G. I know I asked some longer more difficult questions, so whether you choose to address them or not is fine (I mean that!) and in your time (or not), just wanted to let you know that if you have or do post specific longer answers, that if I’m not getting back its because I can’t find my original comments and WP isn’t giving me the notifications, so if there’s an easy way to notify me if and when you do, that’d be cool, otherwise know that I’m grateful and I’ll keep trying to find them!)
The best way to hurt him is to not supply him with fuel. The best way I can hurt him is to love, grow, really learn from this, and help everyone that I can. The best way is to spread as much healing, love, and kindness out to the world as I can.
Also, imagination is a great thing isn’t it? I don’t feel that I want revenge so much, as to simply be able to stand up as an equal and speak assertively and hold my ground. But then again, these things can be healing, but I wonder how much risk there might be that if we spend too much time on these sorts of things, that we risk priming ourselves for a hoover?
Thanks HG
I have never had anyone I did not know try to make ‘friends’ with me on FB- it happened the other day. An attractive man, studied in Paris at the Sorbonne, lives in New York, widowed……. checked his page, only pics of him, no friends, no history. Without the posts from HG I would have never looked for this and blindly added this troll— scammer- whatever he is. I, must be one of the rare women who never gets ‘hits on’ on fb so this was new to me– but I did my due diligence– as per HG teachings and saved myself from a scammer, a narc, a troll — but most importantly from being a woman lured into a fake fantasy life with a man that does not exist in the real world. I think we need to start paying attention to the ones we meet in the real world as well and take extra steps in vetting them before we get carried away on a magical carpet ride to the dragons den!
I’m surely will buy sitting target .
I’ve decided a few months ago to not engage with people from online because many of your kind hunting targets easily there . But oustside I keep attracting them as well especially somatic narcsissit , I’am sure this book will help me so much .
Hi HG,
As far as I know, you are the most intelligent, self-aware and articulate Narcissist that is available to us. I have formed this opinion after listening to other people’s videos and they have provided me with some insight, but yours really are the best. You have helped me so much and I truly appreciate you and your work!
I am very perplexed by this, though – how can you as someone who sees the value in living one’s life with these qualities not want to do so yourself?
Thank you!!
Because I do what is best for me.
Which translates for me now, that as many times as it may benefit you to operate with honesty and trust (or mimic those traits), you have equally benefited operating with malice and hurting people. And you benefiting to win trumps everything else. No matter how many buts or if only’s old Clarece from 3 years ago would come up with.
I guess I still struggle with you can be wounded. Or else black and white thinking would not kick in. Wounding connects to shame which connects to your Creature. Doesn’t that mean on some unconscious level if you were able to modify the behavior that is hurtful, the peacefulness and lack of chaos would become a welcome relief? I know you can’t learn to care or have empathy. Doesn’t a secure sense of calm appeal at all?
HG Loved Sitting Target Thanks
I have shared a home with a Greater narcissist.
I have shared bed with him and looked into his eyes and seen passion, strength and love.
He used to follow me into the kitchen to share his everyday with me while I was cocking.
He used to sit in the bathroom while I showered to praise my body and to tell me why we were so good together.
He used to sit next to me on the couch when I was reading, so that he could souk in my warmth and strength, because I always told him that he was smart, strong and sexy.
He used to constantly text me and call me and let me know that he was thinking of me, especially if I was out with friends or traveling.
He used to buy me expensive gifts and always made a puzzle for me to put together if he wanted to take me on vacation.
He used to thrive off our argumentation and could hold several different conversations at once, and always told me how impressed he was because I was able to keep up with him.
He used to grab me, hold me tight, and tell me that he loved me.
He used to look me in the eyes when we were naked together and tell me that I was his, and only his.
But with this revolutionary information I now know none of this is true, and further, I also know what he really meant, and how he really saw me. At this point it feels a bit strange to say that this only makes me feel strong and free. Because every deal I must negotiate, every presentation I have to give, every investor meeting I have to attend to, and every difficult conversation I have to take will never scare me to the same amount.
Using this information to my advantage sets me free.
Well said<3
Hi sunnivaseier, well written. But what you describe is your golden period and because you are here I can imagine there was a reason, there was devaluation/discard? Can you write something about it? What was it like in your relationahip?
Hi Carolyn,
Thank you😊
You are right, this is a description of the golden period. There was a devaluation period, but never any discard. The reason why I chose to describe the golden period is because it scares me the most. Being in devaluation was different, because then I knew that something was not right, and I knew I did not want to stay. There had been hidden devaluing behaviour during the golden period, but I didn’t understand that at that point.
We were together in the golden period for 13 months or so. One day he just disappeared for two weeks. When he came back he acted like nothing had happened, and just wanted to continue as usual. We had long and brutal arguments and fights, and after some time I decided to leave, mostly because I didn’t like the person I had become around him. I left, and I gave all his expensive gifts he had bought me to a foreign exchange student who didn’t have much. Just imagine the look on his face when he saw her in his expensive Oscar de la renta dress. I still smile when I think about it😊
As much as the devaluation and his anger scared me, the lies in his passion and love for me scares me so much more. Being in love lowers my guards. Being in devaluation brings out the fighter in me.
He still has his ways of getting in touch with me, because he is a very resourceful person, and for that to ever stop I must change my identity, and nobody will ever get that kind of power over me.
Do you want to share your story, or at least a little bit of it, with me and the readers?
Hi Carolyn,
Thank you😊
You are right, this is a description of the golden period. There was a devaluation period, but never any discard. The reason why I chose to describe the golden period is because it scares me the most. Being in devaluation was different, because then I knew that something was not right, and I knew I did not want to stay. There had been hidden devaluing behaviour during the golden period, but I didn’t understand that at that point.
We were together in the golden period for 13 months or so. One day he just disappeared for two weeks. When he came back he acted like nothing had happened, and just wanted to continue as usual. We had long and brutal arguments and fights, and after some time I decided to leave, mostly because I didn’t like the person I had become around him. I left, and I gave all his expensive gifts he had bought me to a foreign exchange student who didn’t have much. Just imagine the look on his face when he saw her in his expensive Oscar de la renta dress. I still smile when I think about it😊
As much as the devaluation and his anger scared me, the lies in his passion and love for me scares me so much more. Being in love lowers my guards. Being in devaluation brings out the fighter in me.
He still has his ways of getting in touch with me, because he is a very resourceful person, and for that to ever stop I must change my identity, and nobody will ever get that kind of power over me.
Do you want to share your story, or at least a little bit of it, with me and the readers?
Thank you Jess☺️
What are the other traits HG?
This is interesting, and maybe if we suspect that there are Narcs after us, we can pretend to not be or have these traits in order to put the Narc off.
Especially in a romantic setting.
Like Narc takes you out to a meal, (you suspect he is narc) but you go out anyway…. and you put on some kind of act… sit there and behave indecent, say things that would be considered unempathetic and not polite and eat your food with your mouth open etc ….. that would be so funny!
See Sitting Target.
I don’t want to buy your books though I’m sure they are very good. I have no target on me nor am I a “sitting target”. I am safe!
If a Narc was targeting me, I would know…. I can put them off easily. And I would be considered too much/too complex to deal with, and they are lazy when it comes to targets, they pick who they know they can seduce easy, and generally very empathic traits, as they don’t want to use their energy up….
I don’t just have empathic traits….nor am I easy to seduce.
HG, I Did See Sitting Target It Was Great Very Informative Thank You Helped Me ,SINCERELY SHARON
Thank You HG, Loved Sitting Target
I mean, it sounds good and the idea of being able to do that and turn the tables in that way feels really empowering and like a great way to conquer residual fear from the abuse.
Though fear that that would lead to an increased sense of challenge (can he still woo you, and make you disbelieve what you suspect) and also that a few evil manipulation tricks and he’d (though I probably shouldn’t assume gender here) have you being yourself again a blink of an eye (and you should be yourself! Whatever lies he made you believe about yourself during the discard are just that lies, you deserve to feel good, loved, valued, and whole, and you deserve to be loved by someone who is also whole and can truly return the love that you give, and who is also capable of allowing that giving of love to be a choice instead of a manipulation. You deserve the real deal! And most important, you really deserve the real deal from yourself! That is something I’m also working really hard at too, because when we can close up those validation “holes” within ourselves, they lose a bunch of their ability to manipulate.
With that said, though, I feel like fantasizing about numerous instances where we end up with the upper hand for once probably can’t hurt (save that you don’t end up calling back up the good memories/cognitive dissonance) and considering how no-contact feels to them when they need a quick fuel fix and can’t reach you.
Oh, but your idea does feel really fun to think about!
Delmara. ..
I have many ideas….. just like that one….
How to piss off Narcs Lol!
With my father, if you didn’t do as he liked or said, he got you back in some way whether that be subtle or in your face kinda way…. he would make you pay….
Over the years, you come up with lots of ways to hurt them. You conjure up in your mind all the things you would have liked to have done to them, but never got the chance!
Narcs usually don’t mess with their own kind, there is a reason for that! So to beat them, you have to think like them to a certain degree.
But by far what hurts them most is “no fuel”, ignoring them, and pretending like they do not exist! Grey rock….no contact!
You cannot keep a fire going without fuel, so basically, you cut off their supply.
It doesn’t feel as good though for some reason….. because the urge is to actually DO something or give them a piece of your mind (which sometimes you cannot help) but again that’s fuel, so they leave us no other option.