The Golden Period
The Golden Period is that period when all is wonderful between us and our victims. This is the illusory mask that is donned in order to draw you in, bind you to us, embed you and then continue to savour the positive fuel that you pump out. Of course most people recognise that this is relevant with regards to the romantic relationship between the narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). Certainly, this is the most intense, most intoxicating and most addictive of the golden periods, but the golden period applies to all appliances that we interact with. How does that manifest and how long are these golden periods?
Let us commence with the tertiary source. There are essentially two types of tertiary source. There is the Sporadic Tertiary Source (“STS”) and the Frequent Tertiary Source (“FTS”). The STS is somebody that we interact with just the once or perhaps more than once but not very often. So that could be somebody who we get in a lift with or who occasionally serves us when we go to a particular restaurant every few months. We do not know one another and therefore this person is a Tertiary Source however our engagement with them is always benign. They smile at us, do something helpful for us, compliment us, speak to us in an interested way and so forth. In that instant, the interaction may only be for thirty seconds or so, but that is a golden period. It is brief, very brief but nevertheless because we have engaged with that person in a benign way and drawn positive fuel from them they have had a golden period. We may not have charmed them but we have certainly been pleasant to them, we have impressed them, engaged with them in a way which has caused them to provide us with positive fuel. This means that they have not suffered in any way and we have drawn positive fuel.
The FTS is someone we may see several times a week but they remain a stranger to us. This might be somebody who we buy a daily newspaper from, or a ticket inspector on the train. We engage with the individual repeatedly and always do so in pleasant terms and thus we gain positive fuel from this person who greets us with a smile and compliments our choice of tie or fragrance, but there is no more to the relationship. We see them repeatedly and this positive engagement means there is a protracted Golden Period but the manner of the engagement remains brief, seconds or minutes at most.
A golden period for the STS or FTS will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.
With regard to the secondary sources, there are those who are Non Intimate Secondary Sources (friends, family and colleagues) and then Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (someone we are seducing who is likely to become the IPPS, someone who is a booty call or a friend with benefits).
Those who are NISSs nearly always have golden periods and those golden periods last for a long time. This is because we exhibit our attractive qualities, we charm, we are polite, good-natured, interesting and so on in order to attract this person to us and once designated as a NISS we keep them in place for a considerable period of time. The golden period for a NISS can last a long time because we only draw on their positive fuel now and again. Thus we may see a friend once a week or once a month and therefore there is no extensive reliance in terms of frequency and quantity from this person which threatens the potency. We may meet for an hour for a coffee or an evening out together and we draw positive fuel (plus other benefits) from them. Unless they challenge us, criticise us, stop fuel provision and such like, this golden period will continue unabated. We will not suddenly find their fuel stale (as happens with the IPPS) and therefore the golden period lasts.
With the IPSS the golden period is similarly extensive. There are three types of IPSS:-
The Candidate IPSS. This is someone who is likely to become the IPPS and is on that trajectory towards being crowned;
The Shelf IPSS. This person is not an immediate candidate for becoming IPPS (but that might change in the future) but they are used for fuel on an intermittent basis. Whilst the IPPS is devalued we will spend time with the Shelf IPSS even though we know they are not going to be the new IPPS, but their fuel etc remains of considerable use and interest to us, they may be used to triangulate with the IPPS (or other IPSSs);
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS. See more here Dirty Little Secret
If the person is a clear prospect for IPPS then this candidate will experience the full effect of the illusory seduction as they are drawn into our world and treated like a king or queen. The various seductive manipulations will be deployed to create this magical wonderland where the most perfect love resides. This is the intoxicating, whirlwind seduction where the love-bombing abounds. Once this candidate IPSS is embedded as the IPPS the golden period continues.
Sometimes the IPSS does not secure the promotion but as I have written elsewhere there is no need to devalue this person. This person is a Shelf IPSS. Their fuel remains excellent but they are not quite right. This may change and they are promoted in the future, or it may not and they remain an IPSS for a long time, picked up and put down when we decide. Thus if an IPSS accepts this role they will experience a long golden period. Yes, there will be periods when they will not hear from us and they have been placed on the shelf but this is not devaluation.
The fuel from an IPSS similarly does not become stale because they are engaged with intermittently by us. The pattern of engagement may be a weekend together and then nothing for a fortnight. It might be a week away together and then nothing for a month.
With the Dirty Little Secret IPSS the engagement is likely to be an hour in the evening or the occasional afternoon but usually once a week, sometimes more. The time together is not long but there is a greater frequency than that of the Shelf IPSS.
With all three of these IPSSs they experience significant golden periods.
The Candidate IPSS has an intense golden period which may be a number of weeks before they then become an IPPS and the golden period for that appliance is applicable;
The Shelf IPSS can have a golden period for years and years;
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS can have a golden period for years and years.
The Golden Periods for the Shelf and Dirty Little Secret IPSS is not as intense as that for the Candidate (nor the IPPS see below) but it remains addictive. The victim is treated well, future-faked a lot, given comfort crumbs, taken places, confided in, bought gifts and so forth.The narcissist recognises the value of these type of IPSSs and wishes to maintain them. If the IPSS challenges the narcissist, for instance wants the narcissist to spend more time with them, or threatens to expose their affair to the IPPS, the narcissist will devalue but does so in order to bring that person back into line. If they respond then the golden period is restored immediately. If not, the malfunctioning IPSS will be dis-engaged with and somebody else sought for the role.
The Golden Period for the IPPS is that which most people are familiar with. The Golden Period for the IPPS commences when they are a Candidates IPSS and once they have been embedded they continue to enjoy the fruits of the narcissist’s largesse. The golden period for the IPPS is the one which creates the truly magical connections, the dizzying delight and wondrous magnificence which becomes addictive. The Golden Period for the IPPS will last from months to years dependent on how long their positive fuel is potent enough, frequent enough and supplied in the desired quantities. A typical golden period will be 6-24 months.
The Golden Period for an IPPS ends because the appliance fails us. This is because the appliance has reduced the potency, frequency and/or quantity of the fuel so that it is no longer sufficient for us and thus devaluation must commence by way of altering the fuel provided and punishing the malfunctioning IPPS. Or the positive fuel no longer is regarded as potent by us because it feels stale. Again, devaluation follows for the reasons just explained. This determination is entirely down to us and there is nothing you can do about it. Devaluation always occurs with the IPPS because this person is who we rely on the most for our fuel provision and is the most important supplier. We thus engage with this person frequently, often live with this person, certainly see them almost every day, talk every day, do much together so we can draw on the positive fuel. The fuel is extremely potent to us and of critical consequence. However, this frequent reliance means that the risk of it becoming stale is very high and therefore devaluation follows. Unlike a NISS or IPSS, devaluation is not a foregone conclusion because of the lower demand placed on these secondary sources for their fuel provision.
Some people who are the IPPS do not experience the fireworks and magic of the Golden Period. Instead, they experience the Bronze Period. This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check so that what is seen is not going to cause the newly targeted victim to retreat. The Golden Period and the Bronze Period both serve the function of hiding the true nature of the narcissist from the victim. The full horror is kept from them. The Golden Period goes further and binds the victim especially to the narcissist, it heightens the addiction of the victim, it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit) during devaluation. The Bronze Period merely keeps the horror under wraps and there will be some favourable treatment but nothing amazing.
The Golden Period for all appliances is an artifice which is designed to enable us to secure our Prime Aims (see The Prime Aims ) chief of which is the provision of fuel. Whether this illusion is used for 30 seconds or years, it is still that; an illusion.
32 thoughts on “The Golden Period”
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What is supposed to happen if I trinagulate my last narc (I was his primrary source for not even 2 months) with a probably higher ranged narc (I am something like a long lasting friend with beneftis with low contact frequence)? I texted with the higher range narc in presence of my new probably lower ranged narc. The higher range narc told me, “Oh, what a great guy your new boyfriend is! Tell him I like him pretty much” and the lower or middle range narc acted like he was not intrested at all. Is this logical?
If I confront the narc with being a narc and with his manipulation tactics, will this shorten the Golden Period?
It depends on the school of narcissist, but such action threatens the control and could lead to the ignition of fury and devaluation, thus ending the golden period.
HG
“It depends on the school of narcissist, but such action threatens the control and could lead to the ignition of fury and devaluation, thus ending the golden period.”
This explains why my golden period with my Moron lasted only a couple of weeks. I literally laughed at his attempts to control me. I didn’t have a choice. They were so childish and obvious.
?
I think my narcissist was an extreme disordered person because his “golden periods” last for maybe 2 weeks. Or maybe he targets not so weak girls who question his behaviour early and that ends the honeymoon.
Once he seduces you (you go to bed with him, you are in love) he starts playing games – silent treatments, triangulations, picking fights and hoovering.
For example he fights with you, then he goes silent, then he waits till you contact him. If not, he triangulates, flirts with others in your face. If you still don’ react he starts passive hoovering – playing your songs, posting some pictures or memes that are telling you he might be thinking of you. If you don’t react he contacts you after 2-3 weeks saying “lets stop these fights, its silly! I miss you!”
If you take him back at this point you will have to go the same cycle after a week.
And he repeats it with every girl.
This article is awesome! It covers literally everything you could possibly need to know on the subject. For all people in the different roles in the fuel matrix.
It’s also really good to read about the bronze period. I have never been able to relate to the golden period in the way that it has been presented. I believe this was very much about my role to him and my situation, and also the cadre he was in. I’m wondering if he was more of a lower mid range now, the more I read, this makes more sense.
We were messaging pretty much daily if not every few days, in the early months so I gues that could be considered as love bombing, as a lot of time and attention from him. Still the bronze period sounds more like my experience, potentially copper !
I have no questions- it’s covered !
Excellent piece of writing..
Thank you Quasi.
Inner monologue “stoic, stoic, stoic” …
HG,
are they your eyes?
No.
Subsequent inner monologue “ you do realise your talking to yourself again!! Bad sign, very bad sign” ……
This is Rape by deception. Mental Mind Fuck Rape. HG how do you have us sired to you? Sex? You find our wounds and some how play and manipulate us of our wounds. HOW? What do you think of the Laws they are passing rape by Fraud. So much wasted time for US and energy. BUT yet you live for this. While we are dying emotional because of this. Sired to a Narcissist.
Spirit Warrior
Yes, force – or even penetration, isn’t the only way that people with a kick for ‘non-consent’ get off. The goal isn’t just, sex is used as a weapon of power. So, a victim can consent to sex – under false premises – only to find themselves having abusive, degrading sex, or being rejected and humiliated. It’s psychological rape as well as physical. The victim also feels ashamed, because they wanted the relationship, their own feelings of desire are used to give them the illusion of being complicit in their own rape. If their self-esteem is eroded then their boundaries become weaker and they are more prone to being abused and gaslighted.
But without the “forced penetration in a back alley where you did all you could to say No and struggle and barely survived” —narrative, the law can’t punish it. The law needs physical aka empirical evidence of bodily harm and other signs of abuse, such as fraud and theft.
Psychology however, does recognise these acts as part of sexual and domestic abuse.
iroll, thank you. there are laws being passed. I work with Joyce Short She was just on Ted Talks and she has gotten laws passed or helping in states and some countries…Look her up She was Rape by Fraud, now she change it. Two books too out…Some how we are Sired by them or a spell…There is something like a magnate that pulls us to them, BUT girl I did my work to fight against my ex narc. to help save other victims…Time energy lawyer and money..BUT I was the one who figured it out. I was part of the karma for him to experience….Thank You God and all the work and people we are getting resources from to help us heal…Blessing to You…S. P.
Spirit,
Yes – legal definitions change with the times, they also add new terms. Empirical evidence is still an issue, but traditional sexism and stigma has always been the biggest obstacle in punishing sex crimes.
I also heard that law schools are now questioning the ethics of the tactic ‘whack the complainant’ – where a rape victim is put under extreme pressure and re-traumatised in court as that too effects the testimony. I’ll check out Joyce Short, thanks!
One feature of the perverted abuse our Dad acted on us, was to get my sister to applaud when he hit me. Really sick, because he manipulated her still-forming mind to participate in his sadism and it was an ongoing program to mould her into his puppet. So much for being the Golden Child, right? Honestly, i think it’s easier being the scapegoat in many ways, because at least violence is the enemy, not masked as your friend and thus harder to separate from.
I have a big aversion to men needing to ‘transform’ women into strange replicas of femininity, because i understand the source of it. It’s not just desire, it’s the need to control the power their desire has to make them vulnerable to us. Women’s agency wounds male narcissism, because it robs them of the myth of masculinity, to be the primary actors in life. Equality is wounding.
Violence can also be used to conceal sexually motivated violence. You can get beaten up instead of being raped, where there is sexualised tension through sadistic rituals.
Dad was taking out his feelings of powerless with his mother on us – and we were kids and unable to defend ourselves. He also triangulated us with each other and against our mother. That’s not true clinical pedophilia, it’s about power, again. External appearences can be used to disguise internal motivations – violence is shame and self-loathing, on the inside.
But antisocials never admit to weakness, god no – we’re at fault for being the crazy ones – OR it was all a part of their plan all along as master manipulators. If you turn the mirror back on their ugliness, they split and spit in rage at you.
It is not easy to know the enemy, but i have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.
Please could you tell me if the narcissist remains faithful romantically to the IPPS & Candidate IPSS when in the “golden period”?
To the IPPS, yes. Usually to the Candidate IPSS also although this is not guaranteed.
Thank you HG
Daisy, someone of one of the many women who were victims of my Narc. contacted Gloria Allred firm. There is a site called Beware.org/ I have NOT seen a major class action case against a man or woman who did Rape by deceit. I have have done my own case of him taking me to court for a retaining order and his GF, but with all his lies in his statement, it looked like she and he was egging me on. So I do not know. All I know is to heal and to help other victims and hope they die soon, as they will not change. THE WILL JUST KEEP VICTIMIZING VICTIM AFTER VICTIM….
Timely. Three months NC and I can’t quit thinking about him the past 3 days. I’ve had thoughts of calling him, I’m dreaming about him in positive dreams, I am addicted. I want his kisses.
Is it possible, knowing he will never love me, to know ‘what he is’ and maintain a relationship because I love him? Or was my love an illusion also? Since he mirrored me, was it love of self I experienced?
Fast-forward. He shocked me when he got violent. The violence truly came out of nowhere. I know why. I had been ignoring him because he wasn’t treating me as well. Then I went to PHX to a concert with my girlfriends and I sent him pix of me having a good time without him. (Even though he was invited but chose not to join us.) I didn’t know ‘what he was’ and had never seen even a hint of a violent side. Yet.
I had a marvelous golden period. Then a short devaluation. Then violent humiliation. GOSO. Escaped.
Yet I can’t quit thinking of him.
“If you are playing Russian Roulette and pull the trigger once and do not blow your brains out..you have survived. Pick the gun up again and again and again and eventually you will kill yourself. This is the similar effect of repeatedly engaging with us.”
HG Tudor
Much love to you. I know it’s difficult but it wasn’t real.
Anonymous here. I just read everyone’s comments. Thank you. I made it through the day and evening without picking up the gun! Yes, that’s exactly what it is. Russian roulette.
All comments ‘hit’ me. Today I’m back to ‘hating’ (cuz I don’t hate unfortunately) the SOB and he can be damned.
Ex violently rapes me and I end up with Stockholm Syndrome and PTSD. And he rides off with his latest victim.
Try to explain to a Judge that you were complicit initially and then ‘changed my mind’ ? Very humbling. My psychologist went to court with me and explained the disorder so Judge granted RO.
I don’t know why some women are so hard on each other. I’ve had more women question my integrity than men. The men probably get it cuz they’ve ‘date raped’ or have fantasies about the good old drag a woman to your man cave days by her hair.
Ex is 100% FRAUD. Spiritual Warrior great questions. I, too, would like the answers to all those questions.
Jess why can’t the Narcissist die??? I would if a victim kills them self over a Narcissit, what high and how high will he or she get???
If I understand your question you are asking what happens if a victim kills themself. HG has stated that a dead appliance is no longer useful. I can see instances when the narcissist might want insurance money, sympathy/pity, or to be rid of the victim if they were a problem in some way. They can get fuel from circumstances surrounding the death but that appliance is no longer able to provide emotion and must be replaced. It may even cause a fuel crisis…
My favorite quote of HG’s is the Russian Roullette comparison. It is only a metaphor for a toxic engagement. Every time you go back there is a risk that who you are may be destroyed. It’s not a reference to the literal death of the victim but to their sense of self, finances, independence, self esteem..etc. I’m sure that many victims have killed themselves and making light of it was not my intention.
Indeed.
What’s your opinion HG?
As a shelf IPSS/DLS and importantly, knowing him to be a narcissist, why should I not enjoy and benefit from the “golden period”? Since he is unaware I know of his disorder, would he not think that he is still stringing me along whereas I would be the one in control of my outcome?
You are not in control.
If you want to remain in a position where you see him when off the shelf and are treated well, but you will be the one on the outside as he has to make that decision and wield the power and you may suffer Corrective Devaluations, then as an adult that is a decision for you to make. However, do understand it is your ET that is governing this mind set because it offend the 1st Golden Rule of Freedom.
Thank you for your reply HG.
In this scenario my ET could prevent me escaping if the “golden period” ends, in which case I would be to blame for the consequences. What I don’t understand is what would cause me to suffer CDs if I am compliant and allow him to wield the power? It is the “golden period” after all.
Is it possible there is a “bronze” period (or something not particularly golden) on and off for 3 or 4 years, victim escapes and then there is a golden as part of the hoover which lasts months?
Yes.