Me, You and Her
One is never enough for us. Two or more are required. When we commence our seduction of you and launch those missiles towards you bearing love, passion and desire, we repeatedly tell you that you are the one. You are the only one that we want. All of our life we have waited for this moment to be with the one, you. This singularity of number meets singularity of purpose. One is all that we want. We tell you this, we text you this and we do some repeatedly in order to put you on that pedestal. The world may as well just be populated by you and me. Nobody else matters. All that we want is you and you alone. The effect of such words makes you feel extremely special, revered and worshipped and it feels wonderful doesn’t it? Being the sole recipient of our attention, such wonderful, dedicated and loving attention is uplifting, joyful and magnificent.
Recently a commenter posted a quote from Robert A Heinlein which revolved around kissing. Essentially, this quote referred to the fact that when most people kiss they are not putting their all into it, they have other things on their mind, they might be worrying about work, they know they have to put the rubbish out, they are wondering what is for dinner and as a consequence that person’s kiss is nowhere near as it should be because that person has distractions. The person they are kissing does not have their total attention. There is considerable merit in such a proposition. What we manage to do however is make you think that nobody else matters, that you are the only person we are kissing, have ever kissed and will ever kiss. We make you the centre of our universe and you believe it. Yet the reality is that whilst we exhibit this singularity of attention on you, we have so many other people in mind. Understand that when you are with one of our kind there is never a time when it is just you and me. There is always you, me and her or him or them. Your dynamic with us is not exclusive. It never is. It is not your sole preserve. You are shared throughout the entirety of your relationship with us, from the beginning until, well forever. I do not necessarily mean that we are engaged in a sexual relationship with someone else when we are with you but the fact is that when you think it is just you and I, there is far more going on that you will realise.
At the outset when I am seducing you, I make you feel like the only girl in the world, however there will be at least two other dynamics ongoing. The first is that I will be embarking on a cruel campaign against your predecessor. I will be considering how next to provoke them and punish them so I am able to draw negative fuel from them. I will undoubtedly tell you about them as I explain how horrible and abusive that person was to me. What you are less likely to know is that I am sending them abusive messages, stalking them and organising various methods of manipulation to keep punishing them.
The second dynamic at the outset is the fact that I may also be working on another prospect as well as you. In the extremely unlikely event that you ever had access to my mobile ‘phone and you looked in the messages you would see something like this.
“Message to You 19:48 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
“Message to Her 19:50 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
There may even be,
“Message to Her 2 19:52 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
Notoriously greedy for fuel and wary of the effects of not having a supply of the same, we will ensure that we have other targeted prospects in hand. You may become the chosen one as my primary source of fuel but the others will not necessarily be discarded. They will be retained as “friends” who rank as high producing secondary appliances, continuing to supply me with fuel. You think you have me to yourself. Of course that is the impression that I will create but you are sharing me with the others who will be kept ready to replace you should you start to fail in your production of fuel.
During the golden period it may seem that there is just you and me but I will be keeping other prospects warm and extracting negative fuel from one or more predecessors in the meanwhile. Then, without warning you find yourself being devalued. You have your suspicions that we are playing away. Indeed, we are as we use these secondary sources that we have kept “warm”. There will be others as we find additional people to draw into our network as we play them off against you. You will find you will be compared to these people, to friends and family and always found to be wanting as we press the devaluation against you. After this horrendous time, we will cast you to one side with a callous discard and somebody else has replaced you. How did that happen so quickly? How were we able to move with unseemly haste and find someone else who we now declare our love for? Easily. They were waiting in the wings all along.
Now disengaged from you will find you are still involved in the dynamic as we play you against your replacement. We will keep trying to draw negative fuel from you and then suddenly hoover you back and make you the apple of our eye again, as your short-lived replacement is cast aside. A period of vacillation may follow as we lift you up and crash you down. You are sat on one end of a see saw, as you go up, she goes down and vice versa. We stand in the centre, straddling this see saw and gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from you both.
As our primary source you will always find that there is somebody else involved in the dynamic of our relationship. It does not end there though with the person who is our primary source of fuel. This addition of an extra player in the game happens throughout all our fuel gathering activities. We set family member against family member, our brothers against our sisters, or one parent against another. We treat one child as golden and the other as a pariah as we have them compete for our blessing and affection. We pit one colleague against another as they vie for that promotion which lies in our gift. We have friend fighting against friend in order to spend time with us at the expense of the other. We enter the online realm and have people backbiting, clashing and competing all through a few keystrokes on the keyboard. We can never be satisfied with it being just you and me, we always have to involve others and that involvement cannot be harmonious. There must be competition in order for the fuel to flow. Never think that we are dedicated to just you, our need for fuel does not allow it. There is always someone else despite what we may tell you. If you were ever able to ascertain the full extent of our machinations, schemes and plans you would see so many lines radiating away from us, connecting us to you, to her and to many others, with lines running between the unknowing and knowing until it looks like an extremely complex organogram on the wall of an incident room in a police station.
It can never just be you and me. There always has to be another.
21 thoughts on “Me, You and Her”
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Rather than having IPPS, IPSS’s and so on, and the complex fuel matrix…wouldn’t it be better to have perhaps many woman who are your partners if you like. Almost polygamy type thing? I know a lady who was part of this kind of relationship. The guy had three partners, and they all had their times when they were with him, and all were happy to have that as he was providing what they needed. I saw a documentary on tv once with a guy that had like 20 wives. They all did different things and helped out, and even were friends with one another, helped bring up the kids etc. And they all got their designated times with him. (Though there was some jealousy type issues going on)
You always say one is never enough HG….
No.
Thanks for that stimulating response there HG! 😉
Why not? Would it not be easier? Or can you not cope with more than one woman at a time?
There is no difference. A polyamorous relationship is just a different form of the existing fuel matrix Michelle.
HG
Isn’t part of why a polyamorous relationship won’t work better because the various women involved know about each other and agree to the relationship? Less fuel from less manipulation, less god-like feeling of controlling clueless puppets? Because from the narc’s perspective they are polyamorous, aren’t they? Unless they’re clueless midrangers, of course.
That is a very valid point WS.
HG a polygamy thing would be boring for you or any Narcissist as there is consent and understanding and communication. Your intentions is to have drama, hurt feelings, triangulation, supply fighting for your attention. Mind Fuckery I like to call it. All of this information you give us is great. I get it, I know it, I accept it and I fight it, the evil that lurks among us, which is your type of being. You kind understand the theory of right and wrong, but wrong feels right to you. We who know of you, need to just be resilient in waring others and fight you. No contact is great, but at times like going to court and the # Me Too, we have to out you all.
Michelle…if you have been on the blog since the beginning you should know the answer to this question. You might as well say “Give me your attention and validation NOW fuckers,” bc that is all I hear… Your thinking is disordered and if we wanted to go in circles we would contact our Ex’s.
For the people that don’t know the answer….the fuel potency from the appliances would be weaker in this proposed polygamous situation. I think he prefers an intensely strong emotional bond from his IPPS.. one that he can crush into oblivion. Having a multitude of sources interacting with each other would be detrimental to his goals. They would likely point out the abuses to eachother, bond together and maybe even turn on him….
Jess please can you tell me what makes you see “give me your attention and validation now f@#$ers!”
I would like to understand how I am coming across, as I do not want to come across like this at all nor do I mean to. But for some reason I am but I cannot see it if that makes sense. Maybe you can help me?
Windstorm I agree with your point of view on this. One of my pathetic attempts to keep him in my life was to agree to a “open relationship”. I even suggested it. My thoughts were, if I knew the other women were around I wasn’t being lied to therefore it was my choice and I wouldn’t feel betrayed. Of course I had to set boundaries. If I was uncomfortable with a certain woman he agreed that he would let her go. He agreed there would be no formal relationship with any other woman except me. You can imagine he got bored quickly. For a short time I think it was a thrill for him to have me and be able to tell me about the other women. That didn’t last long because my acceptance didn’t produce the fuel he was wanting. It wasn’t long before he started breaking the rules. I would expand the boundries and he would just find more creative ways to betray me.
Michelle
I was puzzled the other day by some comments about people being attacked by other commenters. It puzzled me at the time, because I had never really seen it. But it’s making more sense now. I have had to endure it occasionally myself in the past. In my case I waited it out and the people concerned didn’t stay on the blog long.
I didn’t see anything wrong with your question. Asking questions is how we learn and grow and what may not be clear to one person may be obvious to another. Don’t let anyone else’s rudeness or bad mood hinder your learning or ruin your own day.
Jess,
I just asked a question which I did not know the answer to as I don’t know everything about the Narc dynamic and I haven’t been here from the beginning.
From day 1 I have not been liked here. Ive perhaps been misunderstood some, and difficult to get to grips with. I understand this. I’m used to being hated and rejected. When HG said yesterday to ‘reconsider my position’ ….I got what he was trying to say to me. I get what many are trying to say here. Don’t worry I got it into my thick skull what the problem is. The problem is ME!
Just wanted to thank you for your comment Windstorm and any others who have been kind. It means a lot to me. It is not easy to see where I am coming from on here nor is it easy to deal with borderline type behaviour. But I’m sure everyone has done the best they could. I appreciate that.
I’m not a well person. And I would be considered a toxic type person too no doubt.
The only good thing is that when I leave people or places like this, it is like a dark cloud has left. I hope it is the case here too.
I wish you all well with your lives.
Michelle
I hope you reconsider leaving. We are all messed up some which way. That’s just a byproduct of having lived with narcs. The key is to keep moving forward. Keep learning and growing. This is a place that will help you do all three of those things.
We are all of us insensitive or judgmental at times. We all of us say things we later regret. That’s part of being human. We just have to learn what we can from our experiences and keep moving forward. I hope to continue reading your comments here on the blog. I’m driving across Missouri right now and will be keeping you in my thoughts and sending you positive energy⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️❤️
Thank you I appreciate that…. I have not been here from beginning nor did I know answer to that question. I’m still learning….
(This is Michelle btw)
Hey Michelle,
You’re welcome. I haven’t been here from the beginning either, ‘though I’ve been here a while. We all should feel free to ask our questions and share our experiences. Often we learn as much or more from other people’s questions than from our own. 😊
Michelle the reason why the polygamy thing wouldn’t work is. IT IS A mutual agreement. There is no abuse or triangulation for mind fucking the victims and watching them fight over you the Narcissist
Thanks Healing Victims….
HG how many women have you had arouind at the same time you were sexually invoveld with sexing it up to get fuel. Kinky Fuckery 🙂
Several.
HG, was your first relationship like this? Did you start as a lesser? And what happened, how did you feel when you came to know what you are now?
No.
No.
I had a label.