The Eight Exploitations of Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
22 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Yes, the exploitation of empathy. I had to talk to a father about his son a few days ago. The son is a complete psychopath, not a narc. Each single word is a lie, there is nothing else. He is only interested in his own advantages. No conscience at all. He does not care about his parents or his brother. His “big” brother is completely different. He cares for all of them.. I see the complete destruction of a warm and goodhearted family, caused by a disordered person. I have had the need to tell his brother: “Please be careful. Your brother has no conscience. I am pretty sure, that he will steal the money of your parents soon, if it has not happened before.Please protect your parents” I could not do that. How can I tell someone, that his son or brother is a psychopath without conscience?
I really hope, that this disordered person has to go to prison the next weeks.. Maybe they all wake up. I know, that it sounds dramatically, what I wrote, but after all, what I have learned at this blog, I am pretty sure about my judgement about this person. It is the beginning of a criminal career.
I do not think, that I have met a lot of psychopaths before, but this one is one.
And for me it is pretty clear, that there must be a genetic component or a damage of brain, because all others of them are different.
A bitter “thank you to you, HG” because I can see through before it happens. But that does not really help.
You reach the point when you see narcs for what they are be it male or female. In reference to mentions from tigerchelle 78 and Sharon. Male narc vessel = hands,dick and two holes, female narc = hands and three holes. Vessels are for filling and unloading. Narcs are vessels and view you the same. Narcs don’t get filled with love or fill with love unfortunately. You get anything else but love.
Hey HG.
I’m curious can you sense what type Empath Some off us are ? Trough our comments/interactions .
If so what type would you think I’am ?
Hello DFL, I only do this through consultation because of the need for additional information.
Ohh I can understand I’ll do that asap ty
My ex covert narc used all my good qualities against me. They lie cheat future fake. Im on my healing journey now 6 months no contact. He had nothing inside and has the world fooled. Hes evil nothing more to it and i deserve much better than that. True love is out there.
HG, thank you for this blog it is very interesting. Do you think that an empath can loose all its empathic traits after a relationship with a narc and become one it self?
Ps,excuse my english!!!
Hello Drifa, you are most welcome. No, you do not lose your empathic traits but they can be worn down for a period of time by the behaviour of the narcissist. You do not become a narcissist.
Drifa I love your question I’am batteling with this right now I just feel off in my behaviour .
I hope HGs answer is as helpfull as it is for me !
Thank you both
Thank you
Just the fact one would question whether they are a narc says NO. You’re not. Narcissists never ask themselves that question. Never.
Goodnight:
I am partly in agreement with Healing Victim. In fact, from this comment, I suddenly had a doubt: The fact of being sexually linked with almost any kind of person… Is a characteristic of the three schools or only of the lesser and mid-range? My narcissist ex (whom I have called “the fragmented”) is a mid-range, and just what I discovered is that he maintained a relationship with two women who had characteristics that, according to the mask that he maintained with me, he proclaimed that dislikes him. An apology if my English is not very good, I write from Mexico City. And thank you for all the information you share. I’ts helping me a lot to understand!
HG
Do flying monkeys of narc, are aware of the fact that the person whom they are protecting and working for is evil to others? Will they believe, if someone will tell them that they are helping a narc or being used by a narc?
Hello Mini D, please see the articles about The Coterie and Lieutenants.
This is so so true. On the day I realized that he really didn’t care about me at all, all of these traits (except decency) shut off like a light switch. It was a very strange feeling. I almost felt narcissistic. In the short interim between the “shut off” and him moving out, I remember sitting on the couch watching tv with him and observing how disconnected and numb I felt and I wondered if that’s how he felt all the time.
It makes a lot of sense that these traits were used against me. They were very powerful tools until I finally realized they were being exploited. The one remaining trait, decency, WAS exploited. I had to fight myself hard on that one.
I went Supernova and my narc traits came out full force. And the narc traits stayed for months. Sometimes I think the narc traits I have helped me survive my ordeal. Kept me fueled. I was hypervigilant. I needed to recognize myself again. Where did she go? Did she become like that soul-sucking evil vampire?
Some of what I experienced was my pent up fury from being used and abused. Its been months since the Supernova and just today I felt the narc traits receding and I became aware through my conversations with other people today. My dimmed light looks a tad lighter.
For me, I would turn them back on when I was alone, cry my eyes out, and then turn them back off. I think that helped me keep it together. I was still pretty numb and angry until about 3 weeks after he left, then the pain came rushing at me. It’s been 7 weeks now and I can start to feel some real progress in healing. I’m just really grateful that, for whatever reason, I’m not someone who will sit and vacillate once I realize the truth of the matter. If I must amputate a limb (metaphorically), well, let’s get it over with. I can’t deal with the idea that I’m being used and unappreciated. I can’t throw any more energy down that hole once I realize it’s a hole. I’m too angry at the injustice to keep rewarding it. I suppose that, even after all the abuse and disrespect I’ve put up with, I do still have regard for myself once I have clarity. You don’t appreciate me??? No soup for you!!! Lol.
WHAT A BUM. AND ALL OUR HEART WE LOVE THEM,STD,BAD 🐍🛀💣 ,
You don’t want us as in the person, we are just a vessel to you, you just want our traits only. But traits come within the people. In fact I don’t think the narc even sees the person. We probably don’t even have faces to them. Thats quite disturbing within itself. The fact is, we can’t always have what we want. Narcs somehow were not taught this. Or didn’t get the memo?!? I don’t know why but I do not like to associate HG with all these disgusting and cruel practices. But unfortunately he still is what he is. Can he be forgiven because he has written many books and helped many thousands escape their victims??? I have a hard time getting my mind around such things as this. We try to be good and decent people, yet we learn from the most evil out there. It’s all very strange!
This is NOT entirely true. My ex Nar. would write many women on Craiglist and see who would write him back. Then he would go from there. If he only got a e-mail person, whom he then went next to texting. That was fuel. If they had more of some other traits he was attracted too he would go from there, to meeting them. LOOKS had nothing to do with him having sex with anyone. Fat skinny black mexican white small person old young. He was a gigolo. I just wounder how do you just sex it up with anyone. I could not. Several at once. The most I was involved with was 2 and they were months apart of seeing them. ugg this is the part that grosses me out the STD
SCREW A SNAKE.DOESN’T HAVE TO HAVE BRAINS ,GOOD LOOKS GOOD BODY .JUST HANDS MOUTH ,SNATCH ,ASS.AND ALL WE WANT TO DO IS LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF THEM.👸🎩💔,.
SCREW anything doesn’t matter who or what.They Could care Less We Only Want To Love And Take Care Of Them🎩💔💏