What Causes A Hoover? Part One
There are numerous factors which govern whether we will attempt to hoover you post-escape or post-discard. Some of these factors determine the style of the hoover, whether it will be malign or benign and also how often the attempts will be made. There are several considerations which have a material impact on whether a hoover will occur and one of the most significant ones is the sphere of influence and your relationship to it.
Imagine if you will, me. Now I know you do this often as your guilty little secret but we haven’t got time for that at the moment. Here I am sat at home, or in the office, or walking between bars. Let us take an instance of me being in a bar. What is my sphere of influence? To be accurate there are actually several. They vary in applicability and range. The first is the physically proximate sphere, namely those who are within earshot. That is the closest sphere of influence and unsurprisingly the most dangerous for you. It is within this sphere of influence when the full range of charismatic and magnetic charms can be deployed in order to pull you back into my influence. Anybody who I can speak to or listen to, be sat with, or dine with, stand next to or be near is in this sphere of influence.
The second sphere is the eye line sphere. This is the sphere where I can see you or you can see me. We may be across the street, on the other side of a field, up in an office, walking across a plaza, across from you on the piste. If we can see you or you can see us, then you are in this sphere. I may not be able to communicate with you other than to shout or wave but it remains a sphere of influence. Accordingly, this is why when we seek to hoover somebody we may not be able to speak directly with them but we can position ourselves stood across from your house on the other side of the street or waiting across the square from where you leave work.
The third sphere of influence is our reach through our coterie and our lieutenants. Whether these people are our friends (inner or outer circle), colleagues, minions or family, if they operate as our lieutenants or our coterie they form part of a sphere of influence. If you speak to these people (therefore operate in their first sphere) or they see you or you see them (therefore in the second sphere) you are caught within my third sphere of influence. Rest assured that news of your appearance in the spheres of my lieutenants and my coterie will be relayed to me. This may be in person, by telephone, text or e-mail message, but the news will reach me. This also allows me to send information to you by proxy as my coterie and lieutenants tells you about what I am doing, who I am with and so on and so forth.
The fourth sphere of influence is our reach through the telephone. I do not mean by text messages or FB messenger but actually speaking on the telephone. Whilst we may be thousands of miles from you, unseen and not physically proximate at all, the fact you are speaking to us allows us to extend our reach in an effective way through the use of the telephone. Facetime and Skype and similar applications fall within this sphere as well.
Next there is the fifth sphere of influence which manifests through the sending of text messages, e-mails, letters, notes wrapped around bricks thrown through your window, smoke signals etc. There is no actual speaking to one another. There is no third party involved. There is no physical proximity. This is the fifth sphere.
Finally, there is the sixth sphere of influence which is my mind. You may pop up in my mind for no reason whatsoever. It might be I hear a song which reminds me of you or I walk past where you used to live and I reminded of you. In all other respects I have deleted you from my mind post discard or post escape but then something happens, either triggered by something or just a random recall and there you are, in my mind and in my thoughts and therefore you have entered the sixth sphere of influence.
Following your escape or your discard we will operate all five of these spheres in an attempt to hoover you. Once you appear in any or all of these spheres of influence this will encourage us to effect a hoover (bearing in mind other factors as well which I will detail on a separate occasion). Thus if you have been effecting no contact and then I see you on a bus travelling along the high street, you have entered my second sphere of influence. You have come to my attention. You are on my radar. This may cause me to wave at you and get your attention or run along the road to catch up with the bus and board it so I can bring you into my first sphere. I may be minded then to make efforts to contact you in some other fashion, but the fact you have sailed close to me, appeared in my sphere does two things.
One, it alerts me to you. I may have been distracted with other sources of fuel but you entering my sphere of influence makes you game for a hoover.
Two, it awakens the mixture in you, that addictive quality that we imbue in you through our nefarious seduction of you, which then causes various memories to awaken inside of you, thoughts and feelings which make you vulnerable to our overtures once again.
Thus we will then look to hoover you. We are reminded of you and this calls into mind the potent hoover fuel that is on offer. Secondly you are at a heightened risk of the hoover succeeding because of the effects of the mixture that lurks inside of you, placed there by us some time ago when we seduced you.
Sometimes we seek to draw you into our sphere of influence. If we wait around outside where we know you work, we are trying to draw you into our sphere of influence. More often however it is you that enters our sphere of influence, either deliberately or inadvertently.
For example, you may decide you need to return some of our property and you call round to drop it off. You have entered our first sphere of influence through this act and you will be hoovered. Alternatively, it is late at night and we are on your mind (but you are not on ours) and you cannot help but send a text asking us how we are doing. By doing this you have entered our fifth sphere of influence. Any step or act which brings you to our attention, whether in person, on the ‘phone, through others or through technology is you entering our sphere of influence and triggering a likely hoover.
You of course can influence how many of these spheres of influence operate with regard to you. Stay out of our way and ensure that we do not know where to find you and you will prevent spheres one and two from working. Ensure that you are never mentioned to our friends and that you avoid any contact with those who are our lieutenants and our coterie and you destroy the third sphere. Avoid that temptation to ring us and you destroy the fourth. Ensure you never message us, do not send e-mails or even an application request and the fifth sphere is countered. The only one which you have no influence over is the sixth sphere. You may just pop into our minds from time to time and there is nothing that you can do about that. You should draw some slight comfort however from the fact that post escape and post discard, if you have survived the initial grand hoover then there you will not pop into our minds that often. We will have eradicated you from our mind and be focusing on alternative sources of fuel. There remains a risk of a hoover (that is why we never truly go away) because of this sixth sphere of influence, but the risk is reduced. Liken the spheres to zones which if you stay out of you do not alert us to your presence and do not activate the mixture. Step inside one and you trigger the risk of a hoover for the reasons outlined above. Your aim to ensure that you remain free of post-discard and post-escape hoovers is to know these spheres of influence exist and to stay away from them. Of course we make it harder than you think to do so, but that is a different matter for discussion.
18 thoughts on “What Causes A Hoover? Part One”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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HG,
Am I correct to say that receiving an IGH is not a certainty? I understand IPPS would always get one, but as SIPSS, would you engaging in IGH also be subject to HT and HEC?
Thank you.
It is not a certainty but it is highly likely where you have escaped, but yes it is also subject to the HT and the HEC. Your escape acts as the HT (so a text saying goodbye, a letter, or the realisation that you have gone etc enters our sphere of influence and cats as a HT). The HEC will usually be met UNLESS you have in effect disappeared off the face of the earth.
Avoiding a hoover. Followed no-contact. I’m a SuperEmpath, Magnetic.
Found myself as a SIPPS/IPPS and waited out months to see the extent of his web- breadcrumbing him in like kind.
I managed to escape- and took his SIPSS and his ex wife whom he Hoovers regularly, with me by exposing him and uncaging his beast for caprice. Also managed to pull his teenage offspring away from him, and depriving him of all sources with a bit of the scorched earth and toppling of pillars by exposing him in grand fashion to all his current pursuits in a coup- full on intervention confrontation and then secondary sneak assault by one of his lieutenants.
As an added twist- I’m pregnant by him, but have him in limbo on status as I won’t share a shred of info beyond dropping the bomb that I am so.
Blocked on every channel- social, email, work, phone…everything. He’s gone silent. I’ve moved. Refreshed all my spheres and purged anyone with connections.
Went to a venue last night- and within an hour of checking in- who should appear on the balcony across from me, as I stood with two of his former IPPS? Applying ice cold logic and non emotional outputs. I perceive he’s seething.
I know it will feed you, HG, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the arsenal you have provided in giving me knowledge and defenses.
You are welcome. Do not be concerned about giving me fuel, it is only a small amount!
H.G.
If a (ex)narc is able to watch your snapchat story and watches them everyday . is that a hoover as well? or just beinig nosy ?
If you know that the narcissist is watching your snapchat story then yes, that is a hoover, an indirect electronic hoover.
I see . good to understand this . 🙂
Ashley Ellis
Sublime serendipity. If you received an e-mail from him, then you must have entered his 6th sphere of influence. You may find this article helpful.
https://narcsite.com/2018/06/04/surely-thats-the-end-yes-9/
Sometimes I wish it would happen just to get it over with. But that’s not really what I want. I can find a better man, I can learn to be happy. At this point in life dealing with narcs, I have to relearn EVERYTHING!!!
because it I don’t, I’ll always be the same and attract the same.
Can you confirm a hypothetical scenario, HG?
You say that hoovers of an Ex are sometimes to draw negative fuel to provide the contrast with the positive fuel you receive in your new relationship during the golden period.
Let’s say you are a few months in the golden period with a new, secured IPPS (in your case Kim). When things started to feel vanilla to you, is that when you would reach out to Andrea (the most recent Ex)? And…if Andrea or whichever Ex you did decide to hoover ignored you completely, did that agitate you within a few days to then feel the need to lash out at Kim? Or do you lash out at some other secondary source? I’m guessing since it is an addiction for a negative fuel fix, if you start going without, it makes you jonesing for one even more. Make sense?
I forced a discard by rejecting his invite to see him, and with an email saying goodbye. It was short, couple of lines (because all has been said before), saying he had to like himself before he could understand relationships. It was neutral-friendly and – goodbye. A happy photo of a salad i made, with a glimpse of me. He is blocked on all avenues, but i’ll see indications in spam if he does make contact. Don’t think he will and i won’t.
Now i’m focusing on addiction and my own issues, and i feel that i can fight the false romance of ‘seeking love from the abuser’, and aligning it more with my free heart, more than before. I am seeing more inspiration around me, people are responding to my attitude.
I had another dream about narcy, it was hard to remember – this time he was avoiding me and i was standing in water up to my ankles, while trying to reach him – in a room up in a tree, where he would come and go, mysteriously. I got wetter and wetter and was filled with desperation, dread but also determined calmness, and i managed to climb up into the room. Laid around were all these very simple but beautiful wooden bowls and vases. I touched each one and out of some of them came honest words spoken by mirage-glimpses of him.
The words were: I am sorry, this is all that i am, i’m struggling to be free of this prison.
He was a genie-prisoner of the (super)ego! With a very wooden element, maybe like a Jinn! I forgave him and got my soul back.
Here is a scenario. The ex narcs ex boyfriend is now renting my sisters house which is next to my parents house. Her and her ex are still friends after breaking up from a couple of years relationship. He ended up living elsewhere then with someone else for a while. Funny thing is that about a year ago or so the ex narc contacted my sister about renting when they broke up.. Her ex was possibly looking for a place. I commented that it was just her (ex narc) scheming. Trying to keep that fuel close but not too close. I was home a month ago and low and behold the ex narcs car was in my sisters driveway. Regardless of the reasons she was there, she should avoid being within the spheres considering our past. It turned out to unfold as a second sphere as eye contact was made. I not saying she was there to see if I was home at parents house for the long week-end and to make sure she was seen. Be it intuition or whatever, when I heard of him renting the house I thought, yup it won’t belong before she makes an appearance. She now has a reason to come around. She creates the situation so a sphere exists but I am not going to be partaking in any hoover or bullshit. I am sure she thinks in her childlike mind that her still being around him in now close proximity bothers me like she used to do. If it was 1993 and the same situation it would. Only part that bothers me is her boldness to come that close to home, but then again entitlement prevails I have learned. They are both narcs so they have to feed off each other now as people are wise to their crap. Normies would have been done with each other and moved on. Should make for a shit show to watch perhaps sometime when I’m home. Will keep 911 on standby in case she creates the first sphere.
Hallo HG,
Something strange and a bit scary happened in/to me 🙁 when talking to and being talked to by a person and this may be relevant?!? It felt like he connected to something in me that was new and I dident know was there.
Now I ask for your help
Would you explain the following in more detail please,
‘do not activate the mixture. ‘
Thank you for any help
See the book Exorcism
HG, thank you will read the book
Hg, I am stuck in the 6 sphere, malign obsession with my daughters father. Even though I should be purging the narc, law enforcement, and court gives me no choice. I engage as little as possible, but i found it worth while to study relationship paterns to see what i am against. My ex is either an upper mid range or a lower greater. I have found that he always has a family member activated with a malign obsession, usually a female obession, even though he claims to love women, and a ladies man. Before me, was his sister, who is a mid ranger. He tortured her up untill litterally the day him and i started dating, she cut him off, and he ame after me. He has dated beautiful women since me, and has devalued and discareded them. All of that is compartmenalized as he keeps moving forward to new territory, yet keeps seeking fuel and control over me. The police did not help at first, they actually sided with him. Now they are noticing he is mentally ill. Do you think he will move on at some point, shall i spend my life savings to fight him, shall i move away, what can i do when i am stuck in a malign obsession
This is such a helpful article.
It could not be any clearer re – the spheres. I liked how they were likened to zones which you stay out of.
I have a mental imagery of a woman in her house looking outside across the street to her ex-narcissist trying to make smoke signals from a cheap tray bbq… Thinking to herself what the actual f**k, closing her curtains and going back to her book and cup of tea… lol
Just as an aside I’m loving that you used the word nefarious! Such a good word .. made me say. Ooohhh wicked .. Every article is like a lesson in the expanses of the English language. Just sublime and a gift…
I’m glad to have received this in my email inbox today, as along with this I received my first email from the last narc in my life whom I escaped 15 months ago. I had not emailed him nor entered into any other sphere of which I am aware. Yet the email address has already been blocked and no response will be made. Does this mean I should expect future escalation or de-escalation of attempts in hoover.