The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.
10 thoughts on “The Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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What of the narcissist that doesn’t have any friends?
My divorce from my now ex-N was just finalized. As I am moving out of state, she wanted confirmation of such including the state I am moving to and to whether I had obtained employment in said state. In the end, she got neither but it just goes to show that narcissistic possession is a real thing. I assume she wanted the information for a future hoover.
I have a question on the possession thing. I remember the Narc saying he doesn’t ever feel jealous, but feels possessive.
The whole incident whereby his friend friends me and we are having dialogue, how would a narc view that in terms of how that affected him emotionally? It obviously affected him because he went and friended the friend under a fake profile I didn’t know about to see the conversation then blocked me from that profile. It all ocurred in 2 hours time. Would that ignite anger or fury or challenge his posession? It was the weirdest thing
The friend of his who friended you may well be viewed as an act of treachery by both of you which resulted in wounding and therefore there was an ignition of fury. He does not appear to have lashed out however and instead used a fake profile to keep tabs on the interaction. His innate paranoia would have driven his need to gather information about the friendship so he could see what was going on and quite possibly use the information gathered against you and/or the friend.
I am learning! This is exactly what I thought! The word treachery came to mind. At first I thought he put him up to it but now I see the friend chats with me often about random things just friendly banter but it was like the Narc went into paranoid mode as if omg these two are gonna hook up right in front of me. how fucking dare you two do that in front of me. That’s not at all what was going on, but that is how he viewed it. For him to have blocked me from a profile I didn’t know about tells me his tolerance for someone playing with his toys is low.
I’m finally getting to where I can decipher some of the behavior but still seek confirmation from you
Thank you HG I appreciate the interpretation
All these 10 attitudes were formed at a very early age. All of them are decisions, it does not matter, whether they were made conscious or not.
Learned through observation which led to own decisions or copying. I just hear your mother and father talking and you listening and observing. I have different fantasies about different households in which your kind lived at an early age. But in all kind of households I see the same discussions or behaviour between the people who live in there. And I see all the lonely little girls and boys who listen and form their attitudes towards life and other people in future..
I see them developing their attitude and opinion about themselves. I dive very deep.
Depending on their own nature (natural traits) which are sometimes more aggressive ( without judgement) or more peaceful I see their decisions, which are driven by their own natural nature. But both kind of children have something in common, which can`t be denied. They have been very sensitive children.
And yes, in the end one thing leads to another.
I have to “answer” to my own comment. It sounds so romantically and driven by feelings. It could lead to a false compassion for adult narcs.
Although both have been sensitive children, they developed different.
The result of their decisions is meaningful in daily life, not the causes.
I do not care about the causes anymore, I see them but that is all. The causes should be part of a therapy, which enrolls all that hidden conclusions, decisions, lost or never developed feelings or neglected inner traits.
It is not possible in a relationship to do that or to think that it is possible to heal anything. It is the opposite- it is a narcissistic allmighty thought.
And that’s it isn’t it?
Imagining things again. The narcissist in my mind carrying on with itself. Once we’re aware of the childhood conditioning and accept that is not our identity, we can only attract what we ‘re left with, our true selves.
Wow that’s f***kin’ scary and I’ve seen and see it especially since he got pissed went to at his mom’s with his new skagg. And I’m shocked mom is allowing it. They’re even taking her to her day surgery as we speak. Sadly while trying to get his mom to help actually watch his movements. He turned her against me. That kills me. why the F did he pick me we’re best friends we slept together 7 years ago have no feelings for him and no he has no feelings for me so what the hell why do you pick me for your middle person breaking pick somebody else someone that actually is in love with you his kids an idiot so all he did was ruin our friendship and now everything is so it’s messy it’s not funny but this is the first time in 7 years since he’s been doing it to me that he actually is going full Guster on it and I think he’s still with his girl out of spite his kind of funny not my monkeys not my circus just wish he get over triangulation I honestly still believe that he got to close got scared started all this seven years ago. Too bad we were good friends tight . but still I think you very much for all these articles are fantastic it’s just killing me that you’re just this honest I love it
Just a bratty toddler.