Date Defender
You have been ensnared romantically by a narcissist and you finally realised. You escaped or following your disengagement, you resisted the attempts to hoover you back into the ensnarement at a later stage. Well done.
You have decided it is time to start dating again. You feel you know and understand about our kind but you remain at a substantial risk, despite the knowledge you have accumulated. Do not fall prey to thinking that you can spot a narcissist at a hundred paces and avoid being ensnared again. Sometimes the narcissist is harder to spot than you think and even if you do spot him or her, you are vulnerable owing to the impact of your emotional thinking surging and blinding you to the red flags and the warning signs.
You are an empathic individual and therefore you will always attract our kind. Your earlier ensnarement also risks ‘tenderising’ you to further ensnarement. You need to take steps to address these susceptibilities.
Your objectivity evaporates and the knowledge you may have required becomes useless in the light of the impact of your emotional thinking. You need to build Logic Defences and have the input of a dispassionate and distanced expert who can aid you in ascertaining whether Mr Right is actually Mr Wrong or Miss Desirable is really Miss Take.
For a fee of US $ 50 (paid using the PayPal button BELOW) I will either
- Analyse your current dating situation to identify red flags and the level of risk posed to you so you can make a decision unaffected by the warping impact of emotional thinking ; or
- Provide you with a set of techniques which will enable you to create Logic Defences so that when you date you will massively reduce the effects of emotional thinking so you can make informed decisions about the person you are dating so you either get out and evade a narcissist or you have the green light that you are engaging with a healthy individual.
They key to successful dating and a happy love life is not about attracting the right person but is all about ensuring you avoid the WRONG person – the narcissist.
The Process
- Effect payment using the PayPal button below.
- I will contact you by e-mail inviting you to make your choice with regard to one or two and provide a common sense protocol governing our interaction.
- If option one, you submit your circumstances limited to 1200 words and I will analyse this and respond with an audio file with the outcome of my expert analysis to assist you.
- If option two, you will be provided with detailed information about how to build your Logic Defences and how to proceed in ensuring that you are protected.
- Turnaround will be 48-96 hours.
ACQUIRE DATE DEFENDER AND GIVE LOVE THE GREEN LIGHT AGAIN!
(See Option in Menu Bar also)
225 thoughts on “Date Defender”
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As Katherine Ryan says “poor Melania, she was just an innocent gold-digger. She didn’t want to be First Lady. She went too young…”
Another Caroline! In a black dress… hmm, maybe my alter ego. 😉
(No, “back dress Caroline” isn’t “pale-green dress Caroline” – I like Melania) 🙂
This is Revolutionary, HG. Revolutionary in the sense that those who desire to date now have a source to find out about any possible flags of a person they are dating. Nobody else provides this service, not that I am aware of anyway. As empathic persons, we cannot see it, not always, not even most of the time, even if we have all the head knowledge, even if we think we see correctly, we usually cannot see it . We take communication from a different foundational viewpoint, not firstly through to ratiocinate all the warning signs before us, we hear people from a different ear, from different eyes than a sociopath/narcissist.They look like us, and it will take awhile to adjust to recognizing them among us, if we ever can fully do that. I always think about it as it is like the movie, “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” as they look like us, behave, work and talk like humans, and they are dangerous, deadly even. (Though they are human, have human bodies, etc., merely my way of an example.) I don’t need this service at this time, probably never will need it, don’t date, but SO MANY DO need this help, whether they realize it OR not. I hope this prevents a lot of needless suffering. Given this hope, I wish you tremendous success in this endeavor, HG!
Thank you
Dang! Signing up for this thread.
K, are you in contact with your mother?
Lou
Right now I am NC. She aggravates the hell out of me and, sometimes, I have trouble controlling my hatred and anger when I am around her, so it is best if I don’t see her because, when Narc K comes out of the closet, it isn’t pretty.
And if “Narc K” comes out of the closet and “Vikings” someone (lots of Norwegian in me) — they probably need it + “deserve” it.
Wake up call… on Aisle K!
Caroline-Viking-fine
Ha ha ha…you know it! The Viking-warrior-gene lives inside me and comes to the fore occasionally. Speaking of the Norwegians, my son told me to watch Vikings; have you watched it on Amazon Prime?
Thanks for your reply K. I totally understand. If Trump reminded me of my mother, I would also go NC with her immediately 😉
Lou
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh! I knew you would understand.
I love my mother… but if anyone reminds me of her, I am decent + polite + minimize the contact. I have enough to juggle, LOL.
But my Dad… well, gawd — such an amazing person + a real sweetheart! (Mutual Admiration Society, full-on)
~A Daddy’s Girl (but not in an unhealthy way, I pinkie swear!)
He is an empath – quite sure – his mother is something and his father had narcisstic traits like all those powerful handsome man but I would not know enough about him to say he was . He was a playboy for sure – although not all playbor arr narcissist
Omj, are you talking about PM Justin Trudeau? Here are some excerpts from his memoirs book, ‘Common Ground’ where he wrote about the death of his brother (In my novice opinion, not the words of a narcissist, so he is at least a normal):
“My telephone rang at 5 the next morning. It was my mother calling to say there had been an accident, and I knew from the tone of her voice that it involved one of my brothers. I discovered that the cliché phrases were all based in reality: I went numb, my heart sank, and my blood ran cold all at the same time.”
“I felt a spasm of guilt. What was Michel doing out on that glacier? Why hadn’t I, as his older brother, found some way to protect him? We lived in the same province. I should have visited him more, called him more, watched over him more, done something to keep him from danger.”
Yep – he is an empath – hard to cope with his Narc neighbor
Thank you HG. This, and the “Narc Detector” are great services you offer.
There seem to be so many narcissistic people around these days. The various statistics say that true narcissists number below 10% of the overall population, however, I think that highly narcissistic people are much, much more numerous, going by experience. And then if you add the percentage of “apaths” to that, together they seem to number around 90%.
But surely, not “everyone” is a narc. I think our “society” fosters and encourages narcissism, so it helps to have some advice on who is one and who isn’t.
Dear Mr Tudor,
$50 is a small price to pay for what could be devastating consequences .. again!!
What a magnificent service you are offering. We are so fortunate to have you at our “fingertips”
Luv Bubbles xx
True, Bubbles.
HG, you need to sleep!
I know it is not my concern, but I can’t help but worry for HG. He already had so much on! His brilliance and efficiency is without question, but he is still only one person!
Hi MB. HG always says he does not need a lot of sleep, that he is fine sleeping just a few hours. I am sure he is convinced of it, but I still believe he would be better off if he’d pay more attention to his sleep. But he is an adult and should know what he is doing and what is best for him.
I, on the other hand, should concentrate more on the little savior empath in me that reacted this morning. 🙂
Not worried so much about his sleep, but burning the candle at both ends can wear a man down. He’s well aware of his own limits I am sure. Besides, he, more than the rest of us here combined, is going to look after HG first and foremost! He knows how to do that well.
I agree MB, he does seem to be doing too much.
If it makes you feel better, “my” narcissist needs little sleep as well (4 hours tops)… something different going on there. I’m a nurturer, but I really think it’s different — their sleep needs.
And another huge thank you to the Angeles who made my visit with HG possible.
Dearest T,
You sound so positive and rejuvenated … I couldn’t be happier for you.
Well done beautiful … it’s all up hill from now on.
So glad you took the courage to have a consult with Mr Tudor
I think all your supporters here are marvelling at you right now … I know I am
Hugs to you and
Mwah 💋
Luv Bubbles xx
It was all HG. I don’t think he knows the impact he made.
T, it’s you that had to be open to it and ready to receive his help, but HG is no fool. He knows the impact he makes. In fact, IMO it is this he relies on to secure his legacy. Of all his accomplishments, it’s these for which he will be remembered as his greatest contribution to human kind. The real dark angel with a worldwide reach.
MB, the exercises, or better put exorcism, he gave me, really works!
And thank you, lovely MB!
I’ve started reading the book ‘Exorcism’ but I haven’t finished it yet. I bet the exercises are in there too!
That’s awesome! If I have money left over, ( I’m having my teeth redone, ) lol, and owe money…anyhow, if I have money left I’m getting the book!!!
I’m so in love with HG!!!!
T
You can download the kindle app on any device and subscribe to knindle unlimited, the first month is free then $10 each month after that. You can read HGs books like that then purchase them later after you have finished.
Twilight and T
That’s what I do. HG’s books are free on kindle unlimited. That means you could read as many as you could the first month totally for free, then each month after you only pay $10, no matter how many books you read.
I love kindle unlimited! In the summer I may read 20 books a month. My daughter is also on my account, so she can read them too. You can put the app on your phone and any tablets you use and your book will always open on the correct page when you switch your device.
I couldn’t believe they were included on Kindle Unlimited. I know the royalties are not as good for HG, but I am impressed that he lets them be included so more can read his work. Kudos to you HG!
Yes. It’s a great way to read his books. Always be sure to read to the very end before you return them. He gets paid more if the book was read all the way to the end.
Pay heed to Windstorm everyone
Well, no matter what you say, HG — I always pay heed to WS. I love her!
Lol read your books twice now, yet one can also leave a review on the books at the end. For those that read them before purchasing and/or reading IMO what we have to say about HG’s work may help one not familiar with him to read one of his books.
That’s good to know Windstorm. I’ll definitely go all the way to the end until it closes on its own. That’s the least I can do for dear HG.
I just downloaded Chained!!!!
Thanks for turning me onto this!!!
Read! Read! Read! You can devour a lot of HG in 30 days.
Awesome!!! Thank you!!!!
I’m right there with ya T. 😍
I’m proud of us! What happens when we’re free? Join a gym, bought some cute tye dye yoga pants, and get my teeth fixed!! It’s like a new year!!! We can do whatever we want!!!
I’m proud of YOU! And yes, you can do whatever you want. And you don’t have to have permission from anybody but you! Here’s a song for you. Perfect for this occasion.
https://youtu.be/kZXL4NdzX5U
This song is truly the truth!!!
Thank you sweet MB!!!!!
You’re welcome T! Hold on to your freedom and relish the feeling. And know this…a man that loves you will not take it from you.
Fitting song, MB.
Best wishes to you, T.
I like Windstorm too! She is a kind, intelligent woman.
HG, I can’t thank you enough for your consultation this afternoon.
You just cut years off therapy for me.
Your help and work is invaluable.
Your session was no nonsense, to the point. I really needed that. It was one of the best investments, quite possibly of my life.
Thanks again.
T, HG is awesome! An invaluable resource. We’re lucky to have access to his brilliance. You have such a positive attitude! I’m loving it.
MB, it’s true! For the first time in a long time I feel more in steady.
Sessions are great they straighten you up and have long lasting effects
Yes, O MJ! Thank you. I’m still reeling, lol.
HG went straight to teaching me more on how to wrangle the monkeys and gave me tips how to retrain my emotional thoughts to logic@
T
I’m so glad you had a consultation and that it was so helpful!
You’ve made me laugh though when you said that HG taught you how to “wrangle the monkeys.” It conjured up some vivid mental images for me and has made me wonder how much of my life I’ve soent wrangling monkeys! Probably a lot since in addition to the narcs, I taught middle school! So many of all ages! 🐒🐒🐒
Yes, flying monkeys, monkeys on our backs. That’s some heavy sh**.
T, Was that the first time you’ve consulted with him?
Yes. Some Angel paid for it. It’s been a real gift that I’m really grateful for.
That’s wonderful T! It was meant to be I guess. You are very brave to face your past and consult with HG. Keep up the good work.
Awesome. I can’t “like” people, but I have to “awesome” sometimes.
Thank you HG! After graduating from a Lesser to a Midrange, then to a Greater, and spending hundreds of dollars on a therapist who was left scratching her head, not to mention doc bills for STDs, this is what was needed early on! Wish I would have had this DECADES AGO! You could have saved me a lot of heartache and money. I will be sure to consult with you next time I meet a new man. I am a geyser empath, btw. I read all the blogs, and have learned so much from your readers and you. It’s been the best thing for me. Sounds weird, but you are my Dark Night in Shining Armor. Glad you make the trip across the pond to the United States , and hope you get a chance to visit the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Thank you, HG.
You are welcome.
Joyascending, did your therapist believe what you were telling them? I’ve recently started therapy and my therapist doesn’t recognise narcissistic abuse as a ‘thing’ at all and doesn’t believe a word I’m saying… and I haven’t even told her any of the really bad stuff yet. She thinks it’s me who has the problem
Find a different therapist. Seriously. Before you spend precious time repeatedly trying to explain what you’ve endured, and lose months getting no where.
Thanks, Clarece. The therapist is on holiday for the next three weeks, so I have a bit of breathing space to way up my options at least (unbelievably, she has a long waiting list). I’m thinking that bad therapy is worse than no therapy at all. I can’t seem to find a good therapist in my city. I’m in Scotland and it’s still fairly uncommon to have therapy here and people who do tend not to talk about it. I’ve been looking online for help with healing from narcissistic abuse for years now, but there isn’t a lot out there. If anyone can point me in the direction of any online healing, I’d be most grateful.
You’re right, I’ve spent all my time trying to convince her that I’m telling the truth, I feel like I’m being gaslighted again.
Ummm……Am I missing something? The best therapy is available right here in the form of a consult. You definitely wont be told narcissism isnt a “thing” lol.
Lol… that WOULD be a refreshing change!
I need to heal and find some sort of peace and I don’t think that’s something that HG could help with. Although he does obviously fully understand the abuse and he knows exactly what sort of devastation it causes in empaths in particular and why.
Ok. I really dont know anything about therapy. I just hear people say a consult here is better than the years of therapy they had and paid for. Also I dont think HG offers gaslighting or kicking, but if he does, I’m sure its cheaper. Good luck.
NA, the therapy or talk I had with HG was one of the best therapy sessions I honestly think I’ve ever had. I think because there’s no agenda to keep you coming back like some therapists have, just straight up facts and no nonsense. That was refreshing. And I’ve been in therapy since the age of 5. Im now 52.
Sure I’ve had some good one’s and for not being a therapist himself, HG is up there. At one point I swear I was so nervous I think I was talking word salad. He cut through it , told me what he thought and suggested a few exercises to do that I’ve been doing quite a lot and it’s working, thank God it is.
It’s not therapy T because I am not a therapist, consider it a Freedom Talk.
HG
I know you are not considered a therapist or a healer (although I’m not sure therapists are actually healers either-just a different approach). but my thought is that healing can better begin when ones experiences and thoughts are validated by someone who truly understands (whoever that may be), so in that regard you are just as valuable as any, and in some cases-more. Freedom talk has a nice ring. Maybe you should brand it as your form of Ted Talk.
Fair observation.
Do you think that’s something you could help me with during a consultation, HG?
Yes
merrymagenta
I recommend speaking with HG. I am not one that looks for sympathy, one reason why I have never gone into detail of my experiences. HG is professional about things and he understands people even thou he doesn’t “feel” , his insights are amazing and extremely helpful.
Freedom talk is an accurate description.
Hi Twilight. Yeah, I’m definitely going to ask HG for a consult when he gets back to the UK. I haven’t felt this hopeful in a long time! I’m sure he’ll be able to sort me out
Good. I will.
Hello Merrymagenta
I am glad to read that. I promise he can help you with your situation.
I do hope so, Twilight
Have faith merrymagenta, he will.
And I am giggling because that sounds like some blind follower, which I am not, his accuracy is why I believe he can help.
I agree on everything that is shared about consulting with HG. For me it was all about understanding. I needed to understand what was going on and mostly what my own part was in the involvement with the narc. During our conversation HG explained the view of the narcissist and I could link my own behaviour in this dynamic. HG is clear, uses logic and many examples to help you understand what goes behind narcissistic logic. He is very professional and every minute you pay is spent to help you move forward. I hope it was not against the rules (HG, I did not read it in common sense protocol), but I recorded our conversations and listened to them later a few times, because HG provides so much information that it was difficult to remember everything during the consult. I deleted them afterwards, but it was very helpful for me to understand everything. I was also very nervous the first time and my ET was of the charts around that time (I thought that I was the narcissist, because of my own behaviour towards the end of my involvement with the narc). Maybe also because English is not my mother tongue and I sometimes need to re-read/re-hear something to finally get the meaning. I hope anyone who is doubting about consulting with HG can put their fears/doubts aside and take a step in freeing yourself from ET. That was my biggest enemy and sometimes it still is, but I recognise it now and put a stop to it, just how HG had thought me. HG, I do not know if the common sense protocol is available on your blog, but that pretty much sums it up what you get from the consultation, it is very clear and you know what to expect.
Thank you
I can share along the lines of what Twilight said in my experience having had several consults with HG over a year 1/2. What helped me the most was HG translating for me what JN’s behavior and comments really meant from the narcissistic perspective. Showing how manipulative and empty his apologies were and being used to bait me for the floodgates of emotion. He was pretty patient with me engaging with JN long after he felt I had enough to go on but understanding that I would feel awful if I labelled someone a narcissist to serve a purpose comforting myself because I was rejected and hurt by someone who did not reciprocate love or affection back, yet constantly reappearing. It provided a cross reference for me to see JN’s texts and his words but instead of instantly reacting (which would be my reflex out of relief), I would stop and go through examples HG gave me understanding JN’s alterior motives. That’s when things started turning around. JN stopped getting that mega dose of negative fuel from me.
But like HG states, he is not a therapist. He is not a doctor. He understands this dynamic and the validation you get removes so much burden. He gives observations, advice and perspective which is a great resource.
But I am still struggling with some things, tied up with so much anger at the time lost to JN, the grief of the loss of the person I was when ignorance was bliss, coping with having felt so rejected and loss of purpose in my life outside of raising my daughter, feeling transparent, etc. And I don’t believe HG can help me heal with those deeper issues outside of being encouraging that it will get better. That is not said to discredit him, as that is just outside his scope being that he is not a doctor. I think it would be very beneficial to consult with him in conjunction with finding a good therapist who does specialize in narcissistic abuse.
I echo your experience with consultations, I was not able to follow plan perfectly but got so much understanding of what is happening in my narcs head and his manipulations and plots etc
It is helpful now – But I know I need more .
I agree with the healling part too
One recent set back for me with healing is finding out a couple months back that JN did officially get into a new relationship and this one is paraded around to family, friends, all of his social settings, etc. Part of what kept me stuck in a repeat loop with him was he always resurfaced and he never was attached to anyone else since the day I had met him for over 5 years. Now I struggle with, I didn’t hallucinate the things he did or said to me, but yet he is very capable now of being the respectable boyfriend and having this new person rave how wonderful he is? I was never worth an ounce of that kindness? Why did I have to just experience his dark, nasty side?
Without a lot of commentary, I’ll just say he made it a point a couple of weeks ago to make sure I knew that he and Tater Tot were officially in a relationship with their statuses changed on social media. Through word of mouth. I’ve maintained having him blocked since March. So he deliberately made a move because he wanted to hurt me by having me know he’s attempting and succeeding with “intimacy” with someone else. What say you HG? Why is he still so preoccupied to make sure I know about this latest move? Shouldn’t he be all consumed with his shiny new toy?
So, yes, OMJ, I’m still very fragile in some ways and not sure how to jump that hurdle, but much, much better in other ways.
Clarece
That makes so much sense. I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve passed that stage now too. I no longer need to know why the narcs in my life (past) did and said what they did. I cut them out of my life like a malignant cancer years ago, with the exception of my ex husband (he was able to do the most irreparable damage to me because we have a daughter together, so I couldn’t get away from him). I don’t feel the need to analyse their behaviour to death any more, just knowing that they are narcs is all the explanation I need. That sums them up perfectly and I’m completely satisfied that that covers everything. What I (think) I need to enable me to come out of my self imposed bubble of numbness is to be believed and validated by someone who truly fully understands. I don’t want flowery words and superficial platitudes from some overly politically correct therapist who won’t say what needs to be said in case they get called out on it later, or feel ‘managed,’ especially by someone who doesn’t even grasp the basics of narcissistic abuse. I need direct, kick up the arse, no nonsense help. I need to somehow be able to express my feelings and thoughts in such a way that doesn’t make me feel like a victim. Even just meeting new people, I dread them asking anything about my past because I either have to tell the truth (and risk them disbelieving me and seeing me as a victim or crazy), tell a lie (which I find extremely difficult. I tried to say my parents were dead once, but I couldn’t manage to pull it off), or I totally change the subject and always keep the conversation focused on them (most people tend to notice that quite quickly though and it tends to put them off… unless they’re narcs, of course, that tends to spur them on lol).
Oh, I don’t know if a consult is right for me now. Why do I need my feelings to be validated so badly anyway? Why isn’t me knowing the truth enough? I’m one of those people who always has to do the right thing, stand up and be counted and I find any kind of injustice unbearable. I think that’s what’s at the core of it… idk, my head hurts now lol
Merrymagenta
You will never know until you try it how you will feel. Its just one consult. If you dont find it helpful in the ways you imagine you need not do anymore. You have nothing to lose. You have already wasted time with a therapist who has treated you badly. Just try it and put your mind at rest.
Merrymagenta,
A consult with HG is the right thing for you now, in my opinion. You have much to gain and nothing to lose. You know where you are is not working, so staying there is not good. You have several people advising you to begin moving by consulting HG. The worst that could happen is it not help, but at least you will be moving forward. There can be no advancement without moving forward.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
I will give you a very simple answer MerryM. It is important to be validated by this because during the abuse you were made to feel irrelevant and invisible. It is soul crushing to have that happen. The validation helps you poke your head back into the world and start feeling human again. So don’t dismiss it.
Correct.
One of the healing part of consults with HG is that you feel respected in a context where many of us have lost self respect . Also – being able to have someone that tells you that you are not crazy – you have not imagined all this it’s part of the healing journey.
NarcAngel
I am not a therapist but I wish you could have seen the look of relief on this woman’s face when I told her that she was dealing with a narcissist. Everything clicked and I told her exactly what to do and she knows about narcsite.
Also, I found out about another woman who is seeing a marriage therapist but hasn’t been informed that her husband is a narcissist. No surprise there!
K
Its great when you can help someone to put the pieces together no matter your title. Friend, therapist, online anonymous, bus driver, narcissist…Its that validation for them that they are not crazy or alone. Is she still in touch with you?
NarcAngel
I won’t see her again until school starts in September but I gave her my phone number in case. She was shocked that I knew what she was going through and relieved that she wasn’t crazy.
Accurate information is so important and it is very clear that people have no idea what they are dealing with and I blame the APA for this public health catastrophe.
It most definitely was!
T
Im glad to hear that you have consulted with him and found it to be beneficial. Keep focussed on yourself, your new goals, and all that he has offered and that you have learned. The recipe for success.
NA
Being a GEN, I imagine HG gets someone else to do his kicking for him lol.
Yeah, I don’t know anything about therapy either, tbh I really don’t want to ‘tell my story’ to anyone anyway, never mind a crap therapist. Talking about it just makes me feel and present like a victim and I’ve come to realise that that actually makes me feel worse. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just hear myself whining and that isn’t who I am. With the therapy I’m just clutching at straws because something has to give and I don’t want it to be my sanity.
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do to heal, or make some kind of peace with the abuse you endured during childhood?
MerryMagenta
Oh dear, where to begin…well…many have the opinion that I have not lol. Thats where I believe my narc traits have saved me. We all have them and they can be used for good to protect ourselves. The very same ones that people get upset with me over for being too direct and not having enough compassion, save me from being sucked into believing those who would seek to do me harm as an adult because I confront directly and dont accept the vague or disingenuous responses or behaviour, and complete lack of action for fear of offending, that I witnessed as a child (and allowed him to continue). I cut to the chase because I feel if one has nothing to hide they have nothing to fear in me getting to the truth. Truth Seeker you see. They should want that for both of us yes? Then you unlock the goodness. It has to be earned just as HG pointed out with laser precision in the Super Empath article. If they dont like that oh well, I will continue to do what I feel is best for me and they are free to engage with someone else. Why should I change? I had enough of that thank you. Narcky of me I know. When I got older I did engage with narcs for the purposes of revenge (not romance) but I have changed my view on that and dont recommend it. I also limit exposure to my family members to a couple of times a year and believe that keeping a sense of humor is important. As dark as mine can sometimes be, I feel it has served me well.
My IRL empath saw a psychiatrist for over 20 years and spent tons of money. He never told her that her parents had NPD (I did), however, he prescribed heavy duty meds and declared her disabled. What a useless fuck.
Merrymagenta,
If I were you, I’d find a new therapist. Screen them in the first visit about their feelings on narcissism. In my opinion a good therapist doesn’t disbelieve you or dismiss your feelings or experiences, they help you work thru your feelings and find coping strategies.
She is right, though, you do have the problem – narcissistic abuse and the effects it has had on you! You have to get away from it and turn your focus on self healing. Good therapy teaches us how to fix ourselves and protect ourselves. We can never fix anyone else, no matter how much we want to.
I hope you can find a good therapist. Until then you can research online for helpful strategies and of course, stay hear and keep reading and sharing. Your profile pic pulls at my heart. I’ll keep you in my heart and thoughts. Positive energy ⚡️⚡️⚡️❤️⚡️⚡️⚡️
Thanks, Windstorm, your positive energy is much appreciated!
Yes, I’m definitely the one with the problem. Trouble is I can’t even imagine how I can be fixed now. I don’t know what I need to get over the abuse and everything else that stemmed from it. I wish it was something HG could help with, unfortunately healing isn’t his area of expertise. All these years I’ve been telling myself that all that matters is that I know the truth, but in the end that’s really not enough. I’m thinking that even if I do find a therapist with experience of narcissistic abuse and I let this all out in the open, I’m skeptical that it will have a positive impact on me anyway. The limited information I have shared with the therapist so far is stirring up a lot of repressed anger (I only realised a couple of months ago that I have all this rage seething inside of me and I’m scared) and I don’t know what to do with it or how it’s going to manifest.
Merrymagenta
A good therapist can be very helpful. I have a great one. Her second husband was a narcissist, and she made a very thorough study of narcissism to help herself. She has shown me many techniques to be more mindful, reiki healing, cognitive behavioral strategies, spiritual strategies. She’s been a goldmine of useful strategies that I can use to heal and move on in my life.
But if you’ve been around narcs all your life you can heal, but you’ll probably always have scars. It’s a long, hard road that will require a lot over effort from you for a long time. But then, that is the nature of life. We have to continue learning and growing until we die, I think. The alternative is to become stuck in bitterness.
Reasearch, study, find a therapist or counselor who can help. Spirituality really helps me. Maybe a spiritual mentor is an option where you are. Be open to new possibilities and new ways of thinking. Positive thinking coupled with positive actions will bring about positive changes in your life. ❤️⚡️⚡️⚡️
Omg, merrymagenta, find another therapist immediately, remember: you are paying money to have that done to you! I went through a handful of them before I found a good one. (One of them actually kicked me in the leg when I was crying!) However because my Greater Narcicist was so good at manipulating, it was difficult to pinpoint the real issue. So I would speak to my therapist with what was going on in my head. But she NEVER treated me like that, that is not helpful. At one point when I went back to him, she looked confused and said she didn’t know what or why I went back, to get him out of my system then she directed me to focus on my good qualities and I deserved better. Until we figured him out, at one point he was good and loving… Surprise! But she did work on my self esteem. One thing: listen to HG. It’s true what all of us are saying, he is on the cutting edge. I have turned many people on to his videos and they really help. But find another therapist. There are really good ones.
Joyascending, it’s outrageous that your therapist kicked you! How did you handle that?
Yes, I totally agree, HG is amazing. I’m getting through the archives as quickly as I can and I’m watching YouTube videos, or I should say audios lol. HG is absolutely spot on… always. I feel that he could be writing specifically about my experiences of narcissists narcissistic abuse. It’s like he’s read my diary lol
Never felt so free in my life ….
Also free from thoughts about why people behave like they do …. or feeling guilty ….
Ava101
Thats very good to hear. All the best.
Hi NA, sorry to get into this exchange of comments but it is interesting for me to read that you have changed your view about engaging with narcs for the purposes of revenge. I had read that you engaged with some narcs (although not in a romantic way) and I did wonder at the time if you were not kind of caught in a pattern of your own of chasing narcs. So it is interesting for me to read that you have changed your view on that. Have you decided then not to engage with them anymore? Would you mind sharing a little more on that? I understand if you do not want to. Just curious.
Hi Lou
I never chased them. Theyre everywhere (family, work, play) and I did over time engage them to eventually wound as a distorted form of therapy. I figured if I needed to unload who better than someone who needed a taste of their own medicine. I thought there was only one kind of narc (like Stepnarc) at first but I came to see there were ones who hid their behaviours better and responded differently (pre narcsite). Since Stepnarc has died and in being here I have a different view of things now and have engaged with them less and less. When I do so now (not in person for quite some time) it is mostly because I find them fascinating and I like to observe in real time what I have learned here and to try to form different strategies of working with and around them. I am able to do this because I do not attach to them in a romantic way. I do not even like cuddling or intimacy and sex to me is strictly release and about power (thats what I learned and observed growing up). I can give positive fuel and if they become mean I can take them or leave them. I do not initiate contact (I can only think of once long ago and it was a text to 3 at once to see if they would respond as a sort of experiment and not since). Since I have been here I have learned a lot about both sides from both HG and the commenters (not all good to be fair) and have changed my view on many things. I have not felt the need for revenge in a very long time (most notably since Stepnarc died and why I wonder if HG will find a difference after his mother is gone). There is one that I still interact with (but no longer in person) that is involved in a very difficult job involving the protection of children, and because that is something important to me I indulge him when I feel like it. That is the Super Saviour in me (that I hate) and that incidentally I see having looked back, that I became not because I thought I was better or greater (or a smug bitch as many think me to be lol) ,but because the pain of watching or listening to someone else be abused was greater than me taking it on myself. My form of control. I have no delusions that I can love or save a narc, but I do think we can learn to better navigate them in the real world. Just not our beds. HG is a prime example of that. He gets what he wants (writing, fulfilling therapy requirements for inheiritance, understanding more about Empaths, achieving legacy, etc. As a consequence of that we get the information that has been previously denied us and we can do with it what we like. A win for both. I would like to see this acted out in other scenarios on the world stage but I believe it requires being able to get past being stuck in hate. I once would never have believed I could say that. Sorry for the length-its hard to relay a lifetime and evolution in a comment.
NarcAngel, I did not get any notification for your comment above (hope this comment ends up showing in the right place).
By chasing, I actually meant kind of punishing or dominating narcs.
Thanks a lot for replying to my question. I know it is very difficult to include all of one’s thoughts about something in one comment ( happens to me all the time), especially when, as you say, it is abouta lifetime evolution.
Thanks again.
Are there people who went from ideal personality for a narcissist to the type of “Alpha” person Derrick Jaxn describes? “Alpha” in not being caveman style; but “alpha” as the type who will naturally not put up with certain things regardless from a narcissist or not. Have you witnessed that kind of transformation?
Well, after my last narc experience, there certainly is a lot less I’ll tolerate from people. It’s easier to walk away from situations/people earlier on, before getting as emotionally invested. Maybe that’s less of a transformation and more just learning though. I’m not an alpha in any way.
Sadly i only have tolerance for my actual Narc –
Any other new comers is scrutinized – tested- discarded very rapidely now at the first sign. My first date I gave him 3 chances and flushed him / now it is one chance and second thing you are out.
I have no patience shit no patience .
Lord, The Boss and I are in the same continent. I can smell the change in the air that comes with all this evil strenght and worldly wisdom. (inhales deeply)
You rock. That is all.
Such a bad timing for me, had this service been avaliable two years ago I would have purchased it instead of the $1700 I lost with the Nex. What a good investiment it would have been for me instead.
Very much the case.
HG
This is awesome if I ever doubt my own instincts I know who to speak with.
Thank you Twilight.
Well Well Well It seems Love Fraud topic name of one of your recent reading is the title…YET you have not checked you FB messages of you connected to Love Fraud…Now my dating site Idea for you too do…Hmmmm I have great ideas for you. BUT I am sure it was running around in your very active thinking. SO Dating and Sex…The Narc. KILLED THAT in me…I do not at this time and at least 5 years have wanted to have a man romantically in my life. After finding out I was having sex with a sexaholic and his 20 women, STD scare came over me. I do NOT really think if you took sex flirting seduction out of the man and women connection.WE would not really have any want or need for Men and Women to be together. I am perfectly happy with me myself and I. Less drama stress.Yes at times I get lonely, but I have gone through major thing in my life and I am still standing. Just my thoughts today….
Or you are moving now
Move to Canada instead – much nicer people and you get more vacations time !! Lol :))
I am sure Canadians are delightful people, I must state that I have never had any bad experiences with Americans on my many visits, I guess the voice just wows them!
Ahaha !!! Well it’s just our trademark – niceness. A good place for Narcs :)) lol – i am in a challenge fuel state of mind today ! Have a great one
It’s definitely an asset, HG.
That voice…it’s a thing alright.
I know I can’t get over it ! Come to Canada !
He really does have a nice voice, Omj.
Listen to Omj, HG, America is full of narcissists and they can be rather unpleasant and there are probably more empaths in Canada to choose from. It is like a shark fest here.
It mirrors our leaders !!! Lol :))
OMJ
Hey!! There’s no need to be so insulting!
I am not insulting ! Just humorous but word press did not picked it up ! 🙂 I have many great friends south of the border … just annoying we were in this trade war but just meant to talk about our empath Justin ! :)) have a great day
I was attempting humor also. Don’t know your empath Justin, but I sure don’t want to be grouped with our idiot narc!
WS
Every time I see Trump on TV, I am reminded of my mother; it is like a hoover in the 6th sphere of influence.
K,
Painful isn’t it? Hard to believe that inheriting money is so powerful!
WS
Painful is an understatement. I am repelled and riveted at the same time.
K, I am curious, why does Trump remind you of your mother?
Similar hairstyles.
Ha, ha,ha!
Ha ha ha…more like the same stupid face!
Hello Lou
My mother is an LLN and both, she and Trump, share this odd look, as if the lights are on, but nobody’s home and sometimes the way he speaks, the words he uses and his mannerism are similar to hers. It’s hideous!
That was my guess too, HG. Although I also thought it could be his lips, his voice, or his permanent suntan. What is it K?
Lou
Ha ha ha..Jess is right he rambles and says absolutely nothing. My mother does the same thing. And your brain really does hurt; it’s like WTF just happened.
That Justin Trudeau is a hottie too! Narc status unknown.
Did you hear Trump’s rambling word salad today? Omgoodness…he says absolutely nothing. Just stringing a bunch of words together. It hurts my brain…
Listen to HG and free yourself of the toxic interlopers everyone. There is a good fight that needs you.
That is an excellent way to describe the way Trump talks, K, “as if the lights are on but nobody is home”. Lol. Thanks for explaining.
You know who I find hideous too? Melania Trump.
I think there is something of his hideousness in her. IMO.
I imagine his hideousness has indeed been in her at some point.
Good one HG. But such an awful visual! Trying to unsee…
Groooooosssss HG! 🤢
HG
Ha ha ha…well, I hope his hideousness was pleasant at the time. There is nothing like a little bit of narcissistic nookie to get the day started.
I dunno…She puts the plastic in plastic surgery. I don’t think they can’t pull her face any tighter… and lol, anyone remember the naked statues some people did of Trump, I think before he was elected? That was damn funny.
Thanks Lou,
I haven’t paid much attention to Melania but I imagine she is putting on a nice face for the public. Lately, I have been wondering more about her, especially with all the publicity surrounding the crisis at the US/Mexico border.
I think Trump’s stupid face is contagious and Melanie has got it now too. I know she is a victim and she is probably suffering. I had some sympathy for her at the beginning, but for some reason I have less of it now. There is something in her that I find very fake, ugl (although I know she is not ugly at all). Anyway, obviously I don’t know her. Just an impression I have.
Justin trudeau is a hottie despite fake eyebrows coming off lol
Oh, so he DID mean that. It crossed my mind but I discarded it telling myself “no, Lou, I am sure HG did not mean that”. Wrong! If you all excuse me, I need to go read the Sins of the Empath: naivety
Or maybe it is self-gaslighting
I have self-gaslighted many times since I have been here, Lou. I crack myself up sometimes.
I also had felt sorry for melania until her i dont care jacket. I can see where she would be fed up with the media but that statement could be taken in so many ways and doesnt make her look good.
Chihuahuamum
Me too! She seems like a caring person. I wonder if Trump dictates her life and it’s just easiest to go along with things than stand up for what she wants. Or maybe she’s just not very smart. Whatever, the one sure thing is no one ianywhere near her in the White House has any political sense. And that in itself is sad.
I think she is much wiser than people think, WS. I think she understands much… and chooses her battles. She is an advocate for children.
Caroline
“Chooses her battles”
I think she does that too. I often wonder if she’s suffering the same abuse the rest of us do. The money and status are a compensation, but she still must live with abuse.
She has her agenda / she has to maintain the facade and certainly get rewarded for it and the longer she stay the higher the reward – i am sure she insures she gets paid upfront.
She has children and his front line all the time – that requires a lot of energy and composure – especially with a crazy husband and everything she finds out about him.
She has some balance of power and I am sure she plays her cards well.
I think she does her best with the hand she’s dealt (in numerous aspects) with the role she’s in.
Really? And I’m so nice to Canadians.
Trudeau is indeed hawt
HG, have you invented a drug that enables you to function 24 hours? I think you will need it soon. On a serious note, I like this one very much because it is about prevention and can save people a lot of heartache. Another great service.
Are you going to move to the USA soon HG?
It won’t be soon, but I am back and forth to the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.
Talking about land of the free and home of the brave, did you manage to make NarcAngel change her mind about camping?
😉
She is still asleep in her tent, so talk quietly, she gets ratty without much sleep.
(Whispering) I guess that is a no then.
I hope you did not forget to bring with you a roll of toilet paper.
Warning: Never use toilet paper offered by HG.
Take his sound advice but politely decline all bathroom tissue!
Sure, he is full of great ideas (even if we’ve helped to encourage a few of them 😉) but there’s a little paper additive that he’s mentioned before… it’s bad. I hate to even speak of the substance again for fear of placing it into his sphere of influence… and I certainty don’t want to encourage others to tamper with one of the most important papers known to mankind! (Just know this P.S.A. is from the H&H. 🙆 & ❤)
But if you do land on this side of the pond, HG, I’ll truly give you a warm, hospitable welcome, southern style. I recently saw Peter Frampton in concert, and he seems to enjoy his residency here. So do keep us posted on your endeavors. But if you do become a neighbor, don’t be offended if my house warming gift is a dozen rolls of toilet paper. Deal?)
To all Happy Campers (and to Narc Angel after she pops up and rushes towards the nearest tree) … please… just drip-dry!
Trust me.
I am already on this side of the pond.
Oh, I wish I had known. I would have invited you to my Independence Day cookout. I’ve always been curious as to how a proper Brit would handle all of our BBQ sauce?
I like my sauce hot.
Do you?!
HG sauce of course !! 🙂
Bingo!
Hey HG,
I am glad you enjoy visiting our highly narky country. It is quite beautiful and vast. Though, I may have to beg NA for sponsorship into Canada as the US drama and chaos is a bit more than I like. What is this I hear about camping, I do not know the story though my ears perked. CA is a great location for camping, when its not freezing.
Are you traveling in multiple states? You should stop by and try some of those southern Biscuits and Gravy in Georgia. The only reason to visit GA. Well, besides me of course hahahaha. (kidding, kidding).
I am passing through your part of the world soon Indy. I have to show some solidarity with The Donald and have some stern words with Walmart over Impeach 45.
Oh the shirt. Hahahaha.
I always thought they were a republican funding corp. though. Nope.
Will you get to the west coast? That is really the gem of the US in natural beauty…..when its not on fire.
No West Coast this trip. Lone Star State next week.
Midwest stop …oh say in Chicago…between going back and forth to TX?
Walmart must have heard you were coming, HG. They’ve already pulled their Impeach 45 line.
Nobody fucks with HG, WS !
The peaches Indy!!! Peach juice dripping off your elbows! Pure heaven…
BKK, you cracked me up. I think it is arse-nic he uses in toilet paper, but only to get rid of his enemies. I trust NA is safe.
I think he’s been there for some weeks already.
Hopefully one day youll be able to be seen HG and do some live presentation tours. I think people would pay to be in person at your seminars.
Hello Lou…. “Arse-nic”… that was great! If I recall correctly, the organism was botulism. Yikes! Can you imagine!
And I agree, Indy… you brought up a southern staple for sure! My son requests biscuits-n-gravy almost every morning that I’m off of work… although this morning, I made him maple sausage and blueberry pancakes. A fellow recently sent me a meme saying that he loves it when someone whispers into his ear his three favorite words: Biscuits and Gravy.
But HG will soon be in for a treat, for sure, as he’ll have to munch on some Tex-Mex and a big juicy steak. Plenty of “hot sauce” down there! But we proudly have much to offer across our whole country. (And no doubt – that accent will be a hit all over these states!)
So do be careful as you keep in mind that, here, we’re known for our “pretty women and fast horses.” Or is it… pretty horses and fast women? Regardless, if you’re looking for some fine bourbon, I can hook you up!
Whether you’re staying uptown in a fancy hotel or sprawled out under the stars at a national park, try to get some rest HG! But do enjoy a safe and adventure-filled trip.
And know that wherever you are… welcome. It’s nice to have ya.
I just passed through HG’s country and also went camping there. Didn’t encounter any narcs, as far as I know of. Just the usual Brits.
Oh my… I sensed a disturbance in the force. I’m oddly aroused.
Thank you! We ARE the “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.”
🙂
And we *do* like your accent. I find myself oddly relaxed by your “Hush” recording… I don’t know why…and will seek help later, if I need to.
That is great to hear!! Maybe you can do consults in person!! Hope you are able to watch the WC, all my teams are out.
Very helpful , HG .
👍😉
When Tudor Enterprises goes to hire an Office Administrator/Bookkeeper you know where to find me.
You’re about to explode!
If you need more than one administrative staff I call dibs on HR and payroll. Would employees get free consults and full medical insurance? 😉 Hehehehe.
Errrrbody wants to work for Tudor, myself included! What kind of boss are you HG?
The boss
As in capital THE? I would expect nothing less boss!
MB, I do not want to work for HG. It would be too much of a temptation! Haha
IL, I think that is a matter for HG. He will just have to learn to control himself at the empath buffet! Nah, just kidding. Believe me, I know what you mean girlfriend!
MB
Ha ha ha…God forbid you make a mistake! Just think of the corrective devaluation.
The wrath of the malign dragon! I know it’s neither here nor there since it’s all a fantasy anyway, but I think HG would make a great boss. I really do. Being a minion, handling the tasks he sees as menial but necessary wouldn’t be a bad gig.
I do know a lady that was executive assistant to a narcissist CEO for many years. Man, the stories she can tell! I wouldn’t have lasted a day! I like to sass back too much. In fact, I was thrown out of said CEOs (well asked to leave) his office once. I now know I ignited his fury! I wish I had known then what I know now! I disagreed with something he told me that he had said. In fact, I had what he actually told me in HIS handwriting and told him so and was not backing down. He stood up from behind his desk, told me I have made him VERY angry and I needed to leave for a cooling off period. He had a planned trip out of the country and was gone for two weeks. The entire time, I was thinking I would be fired when he got back. I found out later that he was telling everybody that I had called him a liar!
When he got back, he said it was time to talk again and he promoted me! Yeah, I’m an intrepid empath K. That’s how I roll 😜
Not everybody. I like HG in another country far away from me, thank you very much. 🙂 No offence HG, I’m sure you understand.
I have worked for a greater in the past, but I was an outside contractor so-to-speak and I didn’t have much contact with him except in meetings with the project group. It was STILL a nightmare, although a highly entertaining one at times – I loved to observe him manipulate our little group and play us off against each other. I’m glad the project is over and I don’t have to deal with him anymore.
Morning Sun Less competition! Ha! Ha!
People believe me when I tell you that having gained knowledge from this page does not make you Narc proof. You think it won’t happen again, but I’m telling you there is a very good chance it will. Im quite educated on Narcs and yet it happened to me again what often happens is you get a different school and at the outset, he will seem completely opposite from your old Narc so you won’t see it until it’s too late
Entirely correct
HG I feel a lot of people are missing the idea that it may very well happen again but sadly the odds are quite high especially for the Codepebdent. I could not believe how different and yet much alike the mid ranger and the lesser were though they presented entirely opposite, they are exactly the same
You are absolutely correct, Lori. I got entangled with two narcs back to back. Both middle mid rangers. One cerebral, the other somatic. I actually started recognizing getting the same feelings and suspicions with the second one that he was a narc. Did I act on my suspicions? No!
I didn’t even suspect Narcissism in the lesser. I suspected emontional unavailability but not Narcissism but it was in fact Narcissism. So different from the mid ranger Sigh
Hi lori…i think too its even more important to learn about yourself and self improve bc its something within that will draw certain personality types to you and have you addicted to them. Many ignore the red flags bc they dont want to see them. Denial.
You can know narcissism inside and out but until you know and work on yourself you will always be vulnerable.
Agree and in NC time – I feel this is where I have learned most about me
Yep!!! I know that I am subconsciously or not so subconsciously drawn to these people. I tend to bore of others
Absolutely.
So very true, Lori.
It’s hard to tell, but I am always susceptible to meeting with the narcissist, just to hear him out. I hate ignoring anyone, ever…and despite all I know, I always want everyone to feel heard/understood.
Did you hear about Caroline? She married her narcissist and had 4 kids… never think it couldn’t happen.
Caroline,
I know what you mean. I can’t stand to ignore people or be rude either. I try to live my life by the golden rule and I dont want to be ignored or someone be rude to me.
I do avoid being in the presence of toxic narcs, if at all possible. If I feel I have to actually be around them, I have a family member go with me. I’ve tried having friends go, but they have shown to be totally unreliable and prone susceptible to narc charm.
My best tactic for dealing with all narcs in my life is to pretend I’m in an ongoing science experiment and they are my subjects. I look at them sort of like lab rats and constantly observe and catalog their behavior. That way I can still be polite, but it insulates me from emotional thinking.
Very sensible, WS.
(As for me, I’m NC all I can currently be…mainly focused on not letting my ex-BF ever be alone with me~I’ve awkwardly fled one in-person “surprise” visit, so I can do it again if I have to).
Hmmm I may have to use this service…But I’m kinda scared to lol…I hate the thought that i may still be a narc target. Excellent idea HG
That is really cool HG ! You could eventually write a dating after narcs story book – early detections !!
A few weeks ago – when I was real NC ( I know you will say not strong enough and you are right) I met one – 3 strikes out . On the first date – he said something about his wife losing weight and being sick and looking ugly when she left him – after that I kept my narc radar very open. I should have stopped there but I gave him 2 other chances and although I am not sure 100% he is a Narc – he is a jerk for sure – for details I can’t give here.
In any case – this site and all the consults with you have helped me with all the new people coming in. I know I am still under my actual narcs influence – but managed to do 2 months of NC- I have created a path in my brain of happy life without him.
The rest will come – I know .
Brillliant idea HG !
I see HG Tudor Enterprises is expanding its suite of services! This is fantastic! There is a definite need in the marketplace and you are meeting and exceeding it!
Thank you IL.
Oh you have no idea how happy this makes me! When I start dating, I’ll know who to seek advice from!
I sense you have entered a new phase of the grand design….
I agree with you Windstorm! A new phase and even closer to that legacy! Congratulations HG!
Liked and “giggling.”