The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist
You know that No Contact is the key to beating the narcissist, but how does it affect the narcissist?
This Logic Bulletin explains to you what happens when you impose your No Contact Regime and how you can expect the narcissist to respond.
It covers Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists in fascinating detail.
How does the narcissist feel?
What happens if you tip-off the narcissist that you are leaving him or ending the relationship?
What happens to the narcissist if you end the relationship and say nothing?
How does the narcissist respond?
What do you need to look out for in terms of common errors which will prejudice your no contact regime and place you at risk?
What will the narcissist do by way of response, so you can ascertain how to avoid this?
The content of this Logic Bulletin will give you these answers and more so you can build your Logic Defences and understand what will happen when you impose no contact now or in the future.
26 thoughts on “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Oh god, my first live in was like this twenty years ago. Actually followed me to work once after I escaped the house. I’ll be reading more of your ebooks, only one so far.
Good, they will certainly help you.
It’s something you can do to an adult but when it’s your daughter that’s almost 16 and she’s was raised by her ultra narcissistic Mother..how can you protect yourself from your own teens tendencies that hurt all the time?
Consult with me and I’ll give you the tools
Brilliant descriptive writing to explain everything in detail to help us understand and foresee the dangers that lay in wait if we stay.
T I feel exactly as you do in similar situation with regards to time escaped. You’re doing good – it’s SO NOT easy to remain NO CONTACT. I like your tribe comment.
HG will you do a Mid-Range and Greater version? I’m still trying to work out what mine is – Mid Ranger I think but can’t be sure.
Thank you, yes Parts Two and Three address Mid Range and Greater.
No, it isn’t easy. Had to fence in my thoughts this morning. A way to stop thinking about him. It’s working. I may look a little bananas, but I don’t care.
And, l olololol, HG doesn’t know it, but our song is “Rubber band man.” Better that bouncing around the walls of my brain!
Thanks again, HG!!!
At the risk of sounding crazy, I’ll share my way of handling unwanted thoughts.
I’m sitting or lying still and all those thoughts are flying at me. Little white dots in a black star field. I watch the dots as they get closer focusing on them as dots, not the actual thought. Then imagine them bouncing off my forehead into the blackness. They come faster and faster popping off my forehead like raindrops on a car hood. They are deflected before they can even enter my mind. I do it as long as it takes until I’ve deflected them all. (Or fallen asleep)
It’s way easier than trying to simply clear my mind because then the thoughts are sneaky and try to take hold. This way, they never get in. And I don’t even identify what the thought is because they are all just little white dots as I’m flying through the star field.
No contact and ignoring the narcissist when you have been the IPPS is quite effective, I learned from my childhood. But what if you are/were a shelf IPSS? The dynamic seems completely different. They discard as if the victim were a sweet wrapper, and as easily forget the existence of the he victim they seduced. No contact as an IPSS seems moot as it has already been instigated by the narcissist. Hoovers also take on different character, if at all. It hurts even more, though, I find. Is this true, HG?
No contact as an IPSS is not moot because you remain at risk of a hoover and therefore it should be maintained.
I have no trouble remaining in no contact. I have no desire to contact him; it is just exceedingly difficult understanding that he does not want to contact me.
HG, how can no contact matter at all then – have you ever cared if a shelf IPSS ignored you after you ditched her? You probably forgot she even existed.
It still wounds but as a Greater I deal with it more effectively. Love us, hate us, but never ignore us.
Stephanie,
“Even if you were to contact him, he wouldn’t care, or he would just be annoyed with you because you ate on the shelf. The IPPS is a much more important fuel source, it would seem, with more time being invested in seducing them and ensnaring them. The IPSS is not that important, and therefore why would the narcissist waste energy stalking them on facebook, posting”cryptic messages to the timeline” aimed at them, or bother hoovering when there ate newer, more interesting fuel sources to be exploited? This is what hurts so very much as the IPSS – the not even meriting a second thought.”
The IPPS might require a lot of effort in the beginning, but many IPPS’s are long-suffering wives, for instance, who do not require the kind of effort that a new or even ongoing IPSS would require.
The narcissist does not always discard the IPSS. Sometimes she escapes, as I did. He then subjected me to online creeping, once for six months straight while we were not in contact, when I was also convinced that he hadn’t given me a second thought (because the split that time was mutual). It was hard to ‘break up’ with him – lots of creeping and hoovers – maybe because in the end it was not his decision, so he felt he was being controlled.
I am guessing that because yours discarded, he feels in control. He probably expects you to pursue him, so the longer you don’t, the more you are in control.
Don’t feel hurt that he hasn’t contacted you. First, it’s better for you. Second, you don’t know that you haven’t merited a second thought. Mine hasn’t contacted me this round (hopefully the last) either, but I am not convinced he isn’t thinking about me because I have been through this before with him. The only thing that is different now is that he has moved, which adds some finality to the whole thing.
No contact is the only way to freedom. I believe I would not have made the progress I have without it. It can be hard to implement and oftentimes it takes multiple attempts before it sticks. Anything else and you’re essentially torturing yourself. Keep moving forward T.
HG. Does this only apply to the IPPS?Or does the thought fuel resonate for all?
For all, Kim.
I would like a more detailed post on IPSS because I really can’t see how this would apply. Even if you were to contact him, he wouldn’t care, or he would just be annoyed with you because you ate on the shelf. The IPPS is a much more important fuel source, it would seem, with more time being invested in seducing them and ensnaring them. The IPSS is not that important, and therefore why would the narcissist waste energy stalking them on facebook, posting”cryptic messages to the timeline” aimed at them, or bother hoovering when there ate newer, more interesting fuel sources to be exploited? This is what hurts so very much as the IPSS – the not even meriting a second thought.
I love this, HG.
Not many people understand that actual death can be a result. It was many times for me. The relationship I was in was deadly. One time when he was sleeping, I thought, ” I’m going to die if I stay. Or find a gun and shoot him in his face. But no, I loved him too much. But I’d always leave and go back hoping he’d be different.
It only became worse, more controlling and violent. It’s been 7 months now and things still haunt me. That’s why I’m so fucking glad you spoke sense to me today.
It’s time to turn the page.
Turn the page. I like that T. I’m glad you made it out. Hopefully he doesn’t know how to find you. Keep working and getting stronger. You can do this.
I’m very sure he has his other line ups of women. I’m on the shelf, for sure. He has all my original documents so I’m sure he can check things like my credit score , lololol. Which stinks.but I have things in place to stop him if he tries.
Don’t be on the shelf, lay looooowwww. Be deleted! It’s sickening that he’s still out there carrying on with other victims. He should be in prison.
T – you have got this! The things that have hurt us do haunt us, it is so totally natural; the Haunting can reduce with a shift in your point of focus. I sense a shift in you already with what you have written on the articles today. It’s so good to see this in you, It clearly was the right timing for you to have a consultation. With new insights I’m convinced you will achieve whatever you set out to achieve.
X
MB – you are so wonderful and supportive to all on the blog… just a well deserved acknowledgement of what is so evident to observe.. remember to point some of the kindness you show to others back to yourself every once in a while though huh!!! X
Quasi and MB, it’s not over by far, but learning and practicing the tools HG taught me.
And Quasi, I whole heartedly agree with you about MB!!!
I’m grateful I found my tribe where I can be myself. Lol, whoever she really is beneath the rubble.
Yes, I think it’s time to excavate!!!
This is a good tribe. You are safe here T. Enjoy the digging. You deserve happiness!
Thank you for the sweetness Quasi.
Dearest T,
Congratulations precious ….new page new chapter…
Hugs 🤗
Luv Bubbles xx 💜😘