Tell Tale
We have cast you aside after subjecting you to a litany of abuse, mistreatment and the full horror of our manipulative and disorientating repertoire. You have your absolute all in the pursuit of what you believed to be our perfect love. You have endured humiliation, denigration and belittlement yet you still hung in there, desperate to cure and to heal. You wanted us so much that it hurt and it still does. Not only have we discarded you with a callous disregard for your welfare and sanity, we have added to the pain by parading our latest conquest for all the world to see. You are no longer the recipient of our burning desire. You have been removed from our grace and favour and a new beneficiary has been installed. The monument to our supposedly everlasting love has been razed to the ground and on that once sacred ground we have erected a new edifice, lauding our new, shinier and much improved interest. What was once promised as lasting forever has been smashed into pieces and erased from the history books.
Your hurt, anger and indignation are tangible. The traitorous behaviour we have subjected to you has torn you apart. It is awful enough that after everything you have done, everything you have given and everything that you have endured, you have been struck from the record. The insult has been magnified and multiplied by reason of our infatuation with your replacement. How dare we do this to you. It is utterly unfair.
Your desire for retribution is immense. You want to cause our come uppance and warn the world about the monster that you see us as. You feel that all must be told about the awful toll that you have taken from our treatment but greater than that, you have that irresistible sense of needing to protect and warn. The empathic nature that made you such an attractive target to us has survived notwithstanding the mauling we have given you. You need to save our conquest from what you have been put through. Not only must you rescue the poor innocent from our toxic touch this will enable you to exact a delicious revenge on us. By taking away the thing that we crave, you know that triumph awaits. Our fresh acquisition may work out what has happened, but that will take too long. No, you owe it to her and you owe it yourself to intervene, to educate and warn. It is time to expose us for what you say we are.
You call us for the perfidious behaviour that we have engaged in. You decry our stories of your hysterical and unreasonable behaviour and yet here you are, ready to spread such lies about us to our new love. You hold yourself out as being a person of good nature and compassion yet you are hell bent on ruining our new-found happiness. You were not good enough for us. You let us down and thus you had to be moved to one side replaced. Out with the old and in with the new. That is the natural order of events. The appliance does not work anymore, therefore a new, faster and more effective appliance must be brought to the fore and installed. Why complain about that? Had you been fit for purpose you would still be the object of our affection, but you failed. We gave you every chance and yet you still came up wanting. You are to blame. You only have yourself to blame. Yet, exhibiting the malice that you laughingly accuse us of you go running to our new interest and tell tales about us.
Your poison-laden tongue weaves its malevolent words as you whisper fabricated stories in order to discourage our new love from remaining with us. Do you not understand that this is the very reason why we had to let you go. We tried. We really did, but you would insist on railing against us and not submitting to our will. There was no hope for it other than yo remove you from our lives. As people of substance and rigour, we have not gone with our tales of lament to others, seeking to draw sympathy from them. No, that is not for us. We chalked off our time with you as a mistake and we learn from it. Now we have found someone better. So what that we moved with what you regard as unseemly haste, we are entitled to drive forward. You should take heed of our capability in that regard, instead of remaining mired in what might have been. Imprisoning yourself in a tomb of melancholy is not the way of progress. This only underlines our superiority to you. We have moved on. If you cannot, then that is your problem and not ours.
We act with honour and do not stoop to your level. We know that our character speaks for itself with this new person. We allow them to make their own mind up and the extensive groundwork which we put in place has ensured that this person is impervious to your unsavoury behaviour. We know that our impregnable façade of magnificence cannot be pierced by your savage and twisted lies. Run to our new love, run to them and seek to pour your poison in their ears and we shall watch smiling as they turn to you and shake their head. They are immune to your campaign of smears. They know that we are truly wonderful and that you had your chance but you destroyed what we had as a consequence of your quite frankly unhinged conduct. She tells you how magnificently I treat her and you try to explain how it was like that for you in the beginning but your words are lost in translation. You are told that your jealousy has skewed your outlook, that your paranoia has warped your view of the world. Your craziness has been well documented. We have done the protecting. We have done the warning and as always we got in first.
Tell your tales but all you do is reinforce our brilliance and the reason we were oh so right to be rid of you. Nobody likes a tell tale. Nobody likes you.
32 thoughts on “Tell Tale”
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Em, I do understand your stance, and I respect your position. At least if your narc starts any trouble, one quick pull of a file will provide you with comforting evidence. I’ve had to start those “secret files” before at a previous job. May you gather enough compelling data to require a heavy-duty container. 📂📂📂
Dragonfly2, I have no doubt that your narcissist’s punishment was well-deserved. I am sorry that you had to endure additional repercussions. They really do bring out the worst in us, and their rage is no joke. I’m relieved to know, however, that I’m not the only one who’s had horrific images pop into the mind. The first occurrence, I was mortified that I was even capable of conjuring up such a vision. Now I just tell myself, “They’re just thoughts. It’s not like I’m REALLY going to act upon them.” … Or at least he better hope that I can stop channeling Lorena Bobbitt!🍆😯
Pale Horse, you shared the exact sentiments of the others that I was referring to. Even two years in from my narcissist’s big reveal, I shamefully still struggle. I hope to progress to your stance someday. It’s not that I want to be the poster girl for holding grudges, but I truly don’t look good in a do-rag, and Rosie the Riveter already has that modeling job secured. So I guess that I’m destined to be Grudge Girl… but at least I can do so wearing a hat. 😊 👒
Clarece, your post made me smile. I very much appreciate the encouragement. I certainly don’t want to end up on Crimes of Passion. 👄 I’m more of an anonymous revenge seeker, so I know that I don’t need any more encouragement than I already give myself. So thank you for taking the fear out of HG’s book. You have now inspired me to take the plunge… into Revenge… not the utensil drawer.
(Besides, there’s no telling where my narc’s chub-n-nuggets have been lately, so I know it’s best to stay away, even with a long, sharp instrument. And I truly don’t want to hurt him. A part of me still very much cares…. I think that’s the part that makes me most revengeful.) 😔
So Im in my new job where my ex greater narc sometimes works. I interviewed a member of my staff today to find her telling me about her involvement and unwanted attention from my ex greater narc for the last 7 yrs. she had to get previous management to write to him to leave her alone. She did not want his attention. She’s upset when telling me.
She said not many people believed her or took her seriously at the time. A lump came to my throat…it was during the time I was with him DLS and all the time I thought he was alone and lonely and unwell – I left over a year now because he had a gf IPPS. Now to find out he was chasing an tormenting no others. Ugh ugh. I’m so pleased I found out and this girl had the courage to disclose to me. We will eventually unite against him. I took her seriously 😒
Oh, my Em… the shock of having to discover his deceptive behaviors in such a way, yet the satisfaction of this discovery… I can only imagine what was going through your mind during that interview?! I understand that feeling of solidarity, though. Once the dirty secrets of my narcissist were revealed, I reached out to all that I could. One woman was particularly kind in sharing the specifics. She was, of course, upset to find out that she wasn’t the only one during their brief time together. She had many unpleasant comments about him that she shared… so in the nature of giving… I “shared” too! 😄 I was so hurt that I couldn’t resist passing along some of her negative comments regarding his “techniques.”
As much as he boasted, I could sense that he was embarrased by her unflattering remarks… especially coming from me. 😊 I told him that’s how it usually goes down. The women end up bonding. I told him that if he’s feeling uncomfortable now, imagine “if I were to gather these women in one room; wonder what they’d have to say?” He replied with, “It would have to be a big room.”
HG’s book ‘Revenge’ has been resting on my bedside table for months. I’ve read where many of the commentators here have wanted revenge… until they read ‘Revenge.’ That’s not the reaction I was shooting for when I purchased it, so unlike HG’s other dog-eared paperbacks, that book has remained pristine. I’m still hesitant to read it.
Deep down, I know I do not want to hurt my narcissist, yet I do. So I look at that book almost every night, telling myself that I probably need to heal more before I tackle it. Even The Boss himself has told me that I’m not ready for revenge. I’m not really sure why, but I’ll trust his judgement as he hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
Narcissism brings out the worst in us all. I want to fight it the best way I know how. As for now, I have ascertained that, for me, the best approach is also the hardest… not giving fuel.
But if you’re ready to tackle yours, Em, I’ll help to fuel your fire. 😊 So do keep us posted. It sounds like your workplace has some future excitement in store. 💥🔥💥
BKK im not planning to confront but I have an ally now although she doesn’t know yet. Plus if he starts to smear i know he has a record.
It would be nice to be rid of him and to know justice is served.
I have a feeling this is not over.
I went for revenge before I read Revenge. Big mistake. HG says to wait 6 months (?) if one is adamant about getting some sort of revenge. I know had I waited 6+ months, I would have just learned to let it go–I ended up suffering as much as he did (his suffering was being a called out in the community Greater and the maligns against me felt like I was getting stabbed over and over again.
I still get the homicidal thoughts (I would never carry those fantasies out), I still feel love-hate and there’s no satisfaction or comfort in what I did. Not worth it. GOSO and ignore him. They hate being ignored.
Although, HG’s ‘Revenge’ outlines a great campaign, I believe that for most of us, that, by time we have healed enough to conduct such, it likely will not matter because we have made much progress and have moved forward with our lives. Even it my current stage of healing, I am more content to better myself than to waste my time/energy on getting revenge. Six months ago, I would have been all in….
Hi BKK,
I must share with you that out of all of HG’s books, “Revenge” is in my top 3. I think you will be pleasantly surprised when reading it, that a huge focus and at the core of the content is HG describing in detail the pillars (such as superiority, status, etc) that create the facade for the Narcissist and how the Narc gets affected if those are systematically targeted. I found it to be some of the most vital information he provides into the make up of the narcissistic mind and construct and he does not include hardly any excerpts from that book in his blog so it is very fresh info.
There’s nothing that you will read that will land you on a Discovery ID gone wrong for Crimes of Passion.
Enjoy!
I just finished ‘Revenge’ on Clarece’s recommendation. It was not one I had planned to read as I didn’t think it was applicable. I WAS pleasantly surprised. Thank you Clarece. The pillars were described in great detail and it gave a clearer picture of The Creature remaining once they are all toppled.
Although most of the actions seem simple on the surface, I imagine it would be very difficult to execute IRL. Some of the actions are so simple in fact, it almost seems silly that they wound.
I could never undertake such a campaign. It’s really sad, as well as surprising, how fragile the narcissist really is.
Great book HG! (Although it was hurtful to read the story of what you did to Kay at the track.) I didn’t like that part.
HG, do you know of any victims that have been successful in their revenge campaign? Toppling all the pillars and sending the narcissist slinking away?
I do – not in my personal life, but people who I have consulted with.
I wouldn’t personally attack ‘the Pillars’ unless i was well out of the way, had no connections to the narc and they couldn’t reach me.
Antagonising ‘not in a good way’ crazy people is unwise. You can underestimate how crazy they are because they can appear to be rational and in control, but these are people who use power in replacement of self-esteem. So they have no self-esteem at all, which means that if they don’t feel superior to you, they feel enraged. Rage can be a dangerous impulse. It’s like stealing from a broke person, they don’t have the qualities that will help them process your request for accountability to begin with. They’re morally and emotionally empty-handed, even if they have a lot of status and power. The latter can exasperate the former, because it only serves to magnify the inner-emptiness. The world is not enough, because they’re pathologically – never enough. They survive, they don’t exist, or they have to get away from others to have moments of peace with themselves.
I fought against my sociopathic Dad, and on the one hand, i pity him for he has a condition he has no control over. On the other hand, all he does is act destructively, there is no appology, accountability, healing or mutual understanding or anything good… he just gets more paranoid and sadistically violent and cynically manipulative to defend himself from facing negative feelings about the things he did and himself in general.
Adult-infants are the very definition of toxic people. You can’t convince them of a more realistic or positive world-view, because they have inbuilt defence mechanisms against accepting that. So all you’re doing is wasting your energy. There should be a good reason for doing this, because it won’t change them. No one changes through punishment anyway, they change because they want to, period!
It’s sad because there are probably more that are afraid to come forward.
Good for you, Em for making plans to confront what’s happened.
Not sure we will confront….too dangerous, but if he starts to smear me at least I know there is history on record at this place.
More people know what he’s like than I realised.
And to cap it all I still miss him. It will be tough to withhold fuel – positive or negative.
Em, I’m glad we’re here. It helps being here to support each other. HG convinced me we can change how we respond. We left these assholes for a reason. So now I have a rubber band I wear on my wrist. I snap it Every time I think of him. Good and bad feelings, all to remind myself that I don’t like the pain he caused, just a thing that’s in my toolbox now with a few other things.
T thank you for your support. HGs site has helped a lot. It’s 18 months post escape. U thought I’d be over it by now. I know all those things about him and I still miss him.
I want to be free.
I agree with you both, Em & T…. it’s gaining back that freedom that will mean so much. I miss when my thoughts were my own. I resent how much of my energy I’ve given away.
Been there. Done that. Attempted to warn the new IPPS through a third party. Mr ex-N spun it ’round and ’round, making me look obsessed to her fan club. Came across an article HG had written years ago. It was word for word describing what I had done and the consequences of such. This is the very point where I learned the necessity of no contact. Let the N look like the fool and hang his or her self.
The Pale Horse, eventually they will always hang themselves.
And usually in the beginning of a relationship with them…saying things like, “I’ll only hurt you”, or say ,”I’m really an asshole, or mean and nasty “.
I’ve learned from HG that if someone says something like that, they’re telling the truth. This as a serious red flag.
I remember my ex-N stating that she likes to build things up and then tear them down. I blew it off. Such foreshadowing.
Wow!!! Seriously a red flag! You deserve waaaaay better than that. The good thing is now we know what to look out for. And resist the physical attractiveness of a really hot poison Apple. That can be hard.
I understand why everything other than no contact is fuel but I do have a problem with this approach “run and leave it for someone else to endure”. Its like identifying the snake in the village and selfishly hiding in the house without saying anything. “Not my problem”. Well, we live in a super connected society with access to recording devices. For those who can, all the abuse should be documented and then using all social media those people should be poined out. Yes the campaing of truth. I get it, most would be too wounded to do it with the right steps, but times have changed, esp in western societies, and time of turning backs on the problem is running out, its obvious with the metoo and othe movements. Its time to start being smart about handling those damaged individuals ans get them cornered where they won’t be able to hide anymore and will have to face their own atrocities. If the victims never speak up this circle of abuse will never end. And there are methods to heal, its a matter of getting their lifes so unbearable due to exposure that they will want to take the “medicines”. I realise it sounds idealistic but if we the survivors don’t do anything, nothing will ever change. And we ourselves will continue to bump into them, or our children. No matter how much we heal ourselves which obviously is a must, its a gangrene that will continue to spread.
Understandable sentiments, Dash, however there are many problems with such an approach :-
1. By continuing to ‘engage’ by talking about the narcissist, you keep your emotional thinking high which is contrary to your best interests;
2. You need to maintain your strength and resources for your own defences, often you’ve not enough to spare on crusades, especially ones which are unlikely to succeed;
3. Trying to counter the narcissist’s façade or the smearing usually fails (see the book Smeared for why);
4. Trying to tell people about the narcissist’s real nature often fails because people do not understand narcissism and they do not like to be told what to think as the victim comes across as preaching which is driven by emotional thinking;
5. You are trying to tackle a manipulator and at such an early juncture you do so from a position of weakness thus it backfires
6. You are breaching no contact and the establishment of no contact is fundamental to your well-being for many reasons.
These are just a few of the reasons why trying to out the narcisisst is doomed to fail. Focus on your own defences and you may be able to re-visit the issue at a later juncture but there is no guarantee you will succeeed.
. . . and that’s the truth.
muahahahahaha…..I am a ghost. Leaving you looking the fool for describing me as paranoid and unbalanced. Everyone you smeared me to is wondering what has happened to the unhinged female you were so worried about. Seems she has found a new life and is extraordinary happy…..without you. I have not contacted anyone. I have not said anything. All of the warnings you gave to everyone, the entire smear campaign you created, has been proven untrue. You are the one who seems unhinged! The sweetest revenge is no fuel. No energy. Nothing at all. It is as if you never existed. Life is good.
Wanna play right into the narcs hands and look completely psycho ? Then contact the new supply and tell them all about how he is a narcissist otherwise keep your mouth shut and let it play out as it did with you and every other person then they will come to you.
More or less correct
I feel sad for
‘the others’.
I was warned by his ex girlfriend and I thought the girl was jealous cuz they just broke up. And he had been smearing me already and I didn’t know the devaluation had all ready started. I was on Cloud 9. What an illusion. It has only been 4 months but I ruminate all day again becuz I saw him in a parking lot 12 days ago.
Agreed Lori! Should the day ever come that JN’s little Tater Tot (my code name for his GF) seeks me out, I’m going to just send her HG’s article “Impregnate” and tell her JN was the inspiration for one of the scenarios. She can connect the dots.
Great one, HG.
I think the only closure to be had is acceptance, and let it go. Also do everything you can to stay away and heal yourself.
It’s not easy, but I gather from other’s that life does get better.
Correct
It does get better, T. It really does
Thank you, Windstorm. That gives me hope!