Ask 2
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Fifty questions posed by those who have been subjected to the clutches of various narcissists. Fifty answers from the narcissistic psychopathic mind of H G Tudor.
Fifty insights.
Fifty enlightenments.
Fifty reasons to read this fascinating material
216 thoughts on “Ask 2”
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Personally and in retrospect i am relieved that some of my comments and questions were never responded to by HG. A few of them were written in the heat of the moment due to my extreme emotions of ( sometimes) perceived conflict. In other words some drama of my own making or in the moment of panic.LOL. I found that many times the answers were within the existing article or previous ones. Him not answering at times really forced my to really dig deep in to that whole logical thinking vs emotional thinking to which i am actually grateful for. Many times I really did know the answers from what I had learned from him, but at times was still in denial or making it a bigger thing when really it was a minor blip in my day:) I hope that makes sence.
Star
I like what you wrote. The answers can be found in the blog, either in the article or the comments, however, when we are overly emotional it clouds our logic and our ability to “see” clearly and I have been guilty of that, too. Since I have been here, I have never felt ignored and there were several times that HG answered my questions and I didn’t know until much later and I never thanked him. Also, I don’t think he holds comments in moderation on purpose.
Yes, isn’t it time you stopped trying to be all superior with me? Lol! I’m expecting a yawn from you any moment…..
Point is, I know why you didn’t put my that particular comment through, and it’s nothing to do with time constraints. But I’ll pretend it is shall I?
I do not need to try.
As always I shall leave you to your wonderful delusions….it is way too much fun arguing with you! You do know how to make me lmao!!!
tigerchelle78
I am curious on why you used Knowing The Boarderline as the title of your blog? IMO you are mirroring HG, I would like to hear your perspective, if you decide not to I will understand.
Twilight,
I don’t mind saying… I couldn’t think what to call mine, and then I decided on “Knowing the borderline.” It seemed to the point and simple. However, I’m not looking for followers or a big online support as Tudor is, I’m mainly doing it as an outlet for myself. If people happen to find it helpful then so be it. But unlike Tudor I am not the best provider of information out there, nor do I wish to be.
I am surprised nobody had thought of it before. I did email Tudor at the time and ask him if he was offended, and he never said he was or not, so I kept it. You have a right to your opinion. But to be honest it was just a case of me being lazy of what to call it.
Tigerchelle78
Thank you. I understand, and writing is a wonderful outlet to work through things. At one time I had many journals, I just don’t share my inner thoughts with many people. To put your thoughts out for anyone to read is a brave thing to do.
We all walk a different path and I wish you well on yours.
Thank you Twilight. I appreciate so much you saying that.
I was doing videos on YouTube on my YouTube channel before, so trust me when I say, writing is easier than doing videos.
May I ask why do you feel it is brave?
Tigerchelle78
Your sharing your truth of what you fear publicly, one day maybe you will see what is actual truth and not the lie you repeat to yourself.
I was also thinking of changing it due to people associating me with a narcissistic psychopath. So I may well do that….
Tigerchelle78
Why do you seem to enjoy trying to provoke HG?
And if that was the case, it would have already been put up. It wasn’t hugely long. The comment you just replied to came quite a few hours afterward the one in question I am talking about. You think I’m stupid, or maybe you just hope I am. As always you wish to appear something which you are not. How very psychopathic of you!
Here we go again.
Ya know Tudor, you have a way of making it always seem the other person’s fault, and you’ve done this before with others. I’ve seen it time and time again. You are good at this, not surprisingly.
On another day, this comment would not have bothered me “here we go again” but today it does!
My feelings are hurt today. And sometimes, (you probably would not know this) but something small can just be the past straw!
I don’t care if that seems weak to you…. I don’t even care what others may think. It’s up to them.
So bravo Tudor… you just lost another commenter/reader! (I know you have 10,000 or so more right?!)
I guess you can call me whatever you wish now, and make others believe what you want them to about me.
I just can’t do this anymore. But I have tried. Yes maybe I’m just too damn sensitive and emotional. But you and a person like yourself, do not mix well. We never have, and we never will. Not even as remote strangers on a blog! This is not unexpected.
Thanks for your work, and for the information I’ve received.
I do not make anybody think anything about you, you are a tertiary source remember. The readers make up their own minds based on your comments.
Tigerchelle78
Stop acting like the victim when you are not.
I may have hope you will see what is truth vs you only seeing your truth, reality is you never will your true colours will never let you.
With all due respect, since Tigerchelle78 first came on the blog, she has been very open about being borderline and being quick to sometimes give emotional reactions. She is actually questioning some of the same things I have been and just does so in a different approach. I for one am not getting the shade being thrown her way.
HG manages the occasional complaint just fine when someone is wondering why their comment wasn’t posted especially with newer readers.
Let’s all think about when we first came to the blog respectively and took those first steps to actually articulate our questions out loud here and anticipating that response. For us, that was probably a big part of our days sharing those very personal thoughts so naturally we have some impatience wanting to hear back.
I used to get more disappointed and now I don’t.
This is not pointed at Tigerchelle because there have been many that have had these expectations of being answered or posted, in a certain timeframe. As rude as I have been declared on occasion (here and in real life), I have never expected or demanded this from people.In fact I seldom question people and find they will offer the information they wish to share. I put it right up there with cutting in line or agressive driving. We are all important, want to matter, and have things we want to acheive, but that does not mean that people should have to acquiesce to our timetable in order to acheive them. When we ask a question in real life and the person evades, as empaths we will usually determine that they do not want to talk about it at that time or we pose our question in a different manner as not to offend. I would say seldom do we demand an answer or start questioning their motive in avoiding (unless we are journalists or press). Why should it be any different here? Is it because he is a narcissist that we have different expectations? And that raises another point. We all knew when we arrived here that we would be dealing with a narcissist and how they can be. I know this forum is to be different from what we might experience in real life with HG and his kind, but at the end of the day it is his blog and he is still a narcissist. In that vein I am glad of any information and certainly anything personal that he wishes to share. I am not defending HG as he is perfectly capable, but rather pointing out common courtesy that we all would appreciate and try to offer in our everyday lives as empaths. This behaviour is more in line with narcissists or highly narcissistic people and not empaths in my view.
NarcAngel
I don’t think you are rude and I think HG is just wicked busy.
Hi NA! I thought of something maybe even comical to some or you upon reading your comment that we all knew what we were dealing with when we arrived here being that HG is a narcissist. I still struggle with that though. That’s just it. To this day. It’s like I have to literally think through the process of “here is how I would react”. “Here is how a Narc could possibly react.” I’m here because it is so hard for me to comprehend such different mindsets and such entirely different perceptions of things. It’s like I am always translating in a different language. Can I be aware and understanding of it once i know. Yes, of course. But still just mind boggling at other times. lol
Wanted to add:
My long comment was also not pointed at Clarece whose points I understand. I had been thinking this for some time and It was merely tagged onto her reply button as it was the last comment I read before I responded.
Hi Tigerchelle78! I’ve noticed at times having made comments, observations, or questions that HG didn’t address and other more recent ones would come up quickly. Usually it’s been because it has provoked some thought process he’d like to give some attention to and respond to really reciprocate a discussion (beyond a caveman answer 😜). I’ve had some sit for several weeks and then pop up. Not trying to appear as jumping to HG’s defense. I just don’t want to see you feel bummed or take it personal. You can always try to work it another section or article at another time. I’ve done that too.
Hi Clarece,
Thanks for your answer. It’s like the feeling when you type out a really long text message or email to someone and then something happens to delete it. Its frustrating, and a bit annoying, as many of us put a lot of thought into our comments.
I also think he likes to use the excuse its because of time constraints. Which yes I agree is partly to blame but I feel it’s because somewhere within the comment he doesn’t want it aired due to what some may think.
I love the caveman answer thing, that’s very apt.
Nonsense. There have been over 190 000 comments since this blog began, it is down to time constraints, sometimes it might be because I have answered the point elsewhere, sometimes it is because the answer can be found in my work through looking or that it is apt to consultation.
I apologise for expecting my comment to be posted HG, which it now has been – thank you. I think you know by now how I can be more reactive and emotional than many in here.
I do not wish to be of annoyance to you or other readers, and perhaps give the impression that I’m just a trouble-maker. I would rather just not post.
Me, too, Clarece
Some of my comments with questions sit for over a month without being posted. Then they usually post with a reply. If some never post at all, or post with no answer, that’s his prerogative. He is a busy man and it is his blog. Any attention sent my way is always much appreciated, but not an expectation.
Well you are always calm, cool and collected like that WS!! That’s why we need you here!
Clarece,
Thank you! That is very kind of you. Hope you don’t mind, I’m going to share something with you to purge it from my system.
I survived my combined 31 hours alone in a car with my exhusband to and from the reunion this last weekend. He was very self-controlled and only said one really hurtful thing. Just very matter of factly he said, “You’re just a hater. You’re always hating things.” He said it just like it was an obvious fact.
This pulled me up short and worried me. The last thing I want to be or be viewed as is a “hater.” Then as I drove down the road thinking about it, I realized that he thinks this because I have my own opinions of things I like and don’t like and that I have no hesitation in sharing them anymore. To a narcissist, this may make me seem like a hater. Or of course – he always could have just been lying. Lol!
It is ridiculous how such innocuous statements can eat away at our self-concept though. That is why narcissists are so dangerous to be around. They have a gift at undermining our self confidence and causing us to perennially doubt ourselves.
Thanks for listening. ❤️
Hi WS! I’m really glad you shared that with me. You’ve been on the blog for give or take 2 years about? I have never witnessed one hateful comment from you.
That is interesting he threw that in at you. I’m not sure what the convo was for him to jab that in at you, but look at the timing. When he has you alone in the car trapped with him on a long drive. Just like HG writes. It was projection. I think he’s jealous of you living your best life now. Getting to travel (like going to Japan earlier this year). You just put that ignorant statement right out of your head this instant. Couldn’t be farther from the truth.
What a turd.
Let me guess, you started talking about something meaningful to you that didn’t involve him or he wouldn’t have much to contribute so that took the focus off of him?
Clarece
I’ve been here about 2 and a half years, although I stayed quiet for the first several months.
Don’t remember exactly the conversation, but I was giving my opinion about something we disagreed with, probably interstate driving in the mountains. Lol! If I begin to talk about something he has no interest in, he’ll just stay quiet or change the subject.
Since our opinions are pretty much opposite, and I insisted on only me driving the whole way, I know he was very frustrated and surely felt criticized. His opinions on mountain driving seem so nonsensical to me. They are very aggressive (you are safest when you’re passing other cars, and it’s most dangerous when someone passes you. You should ride on people’s bumpers to “push” them and intimidate them into changing lanes.) He knows by now it’s hopeless to expect me to be an aggressive driver, but that doesn’t stop him from getting freaked out every time someone would pass us.
I guess it’s no wonder he knows just the sort of jab that is most effective against me, though. It’ll be 45 years this December we’ve been together. All in all, the trip went a whole lot better than it could have gone. I just felt relief and thanked God when it was over. He immediately began talking about what a good trip it was and how well the drive went! Ha, ha!
You might be a lot of things Windstorm, but “hater” certainly is not among them. Don’t spend ANY more time analyzing yourself over it ‘cause it wasn’t about YOU. What is fun is to apply what you’ve learned and dig down to what he was really saying about HIM. Sounds like he lashed out to repair a wound and he knew that remark would sting.
I think I would’ve opted for separate cars! But, if the two of you are friendly, I’ll be the first to say that a narc can be really interesting company.
MB
Thank you. I imagine he said it to soothe himself. The trip was stressful on us both.
Yeah, I don’t think I would do it again, but he didn’t have a current working car. If I’d known how hard those WVA mountains would be on my little Prius, I’d have rented a car from Avis. He could certainly have rented his own car, too. The next reunion’s in Texas. We won’t be riding together to that one! Lol!
WS
That was projection.
You are not a hater! That’s for damn sure (I read all your comments) and, remember, hate is a normal, healthy emotion and there is nothing wrong with expressing it in a socially acceptable way. I love hate, I have lots of it and that isn’t a bad thing.
The next time he says something like that, respond with something like this: You are a dick and you are always doing dicky things.
Say it very matter-of-factly; no fuel.
Don’t give the matter another thought.
Windstorm
If it happens again maybe you could respond neutrally with: Youre absolutely right in that I’m a hater of seeing you lower yourself to being common by using provocation for conversation instead of something of intellect which you are more than capable of.
Or: if you feel like giving a little fuel: GOD’s CHARIOT is not written on the side of this vehicle so you better bring yourself back down to Earth or get out.
You know youre not a hater and so does everyone else. He just had you trapped in the car driving and it must piss him that not only do you do your own thing now, but he also realizes he depends on you still for so much. Like driving him to the reunion and suffering his company when no one else will lol.
NarcAngel
It made me laugh that you think your first suggestion was “neutral!” 😝. The reason he and I can still get along together is that I know better than to deliberately say anything antagonistic. I know from years of experience that he has levels of anger and malice that I can’t really imagine and have no desire to face head-on.
And while I don’t mind at all to give him fuel – only the positive variety! You are spot on though about how we were both trapped and he resents my independence. He also absolutely hates to feel like he isn’t in control of his situation. He uses people all the time, but he sees it as manipulation owing to his superiority. That’s different from feeling dépendant on one of us. That rubs him up the wrong way.
But now I’m sure he’s telling everyone about his trip and spinning in each instance however he feels will gain the most fuel. He sure is not suffering any angst for anything he or I said or did or how it was perceived by the other. That’s definitely not his way. That’s my role. Lol!
Windstorm.
Haha. I meant neutral only in the delivery. As in not looking at him and saying it with no expression while reading roads signs and looking elsewhere lol.
Clarece, you are always the voice of reason. Thank you for that. 😘
Tigerchelle
I was not aware you are borderline.
And felt horrible, telling you to try to be less emotional.
That was not meant to be disrespectful.
But to be helpful.
Then you explained it to me and I saw another comment.
i obviously missed where you stated such
in blog previously.
AsI pop in and out of blog to comment.
That is a wonderfully supportive
and validating comment Clarece.
I hope you stay Tigerchelle,
Tigerchelle. My advice is don’t expect anything.
I say this because that is my own philosophy.
I think the saying goes, expectation is the root of all heartache
Add suffering and disappointment to that as well.
Then when posted or replied to you will be pleasantly surprised.
For myself some of my comments have sat in moderation for months and when posted Hg has not replied.
I don’t even ask him why.
I asked once if they were still being moderated,
As I no longer saw them in moderation.
When the format changed.
I just accept it.
And think:
He doesn’t have time to answer all comments
I answered my own question and he didn’t need to.
Or he didn’t find my question constructive to the thread.
Or it was too personal to answer.
Then I seek answers throughout blog.
As others may ask like minded questions.
Plus, HG does reply to many comments.
I keep asking questions.
With no expectation.
No emotional reaction,
I have read your comments and enjoy them.
Think of it like a hit or miss game.
Do not allow it cause you emotional distress.
Narcissists enjoy that aspect of Empaths.
We get emotional.
I try to not to get emotional here.
It helps not knowing this narcissist
Or anyone who posts here.
I know it can be difficult or frustrating when seeking answers.
But, it is really best for you.
Like Clarece said, maybe try posting question in another thread or rephrasing it.
Thanks Analise 13. To ask me not to be emotional though is like asking HG to feel love. It cannot be done. I have too much emotion. But yes you are right. I have tried very much to be more logical in here and at times I can be, but I cannot be consistent very well. Therefore I am not perhaps one of the better commenters on this blog that can be relied on.
I am sorry Tigerchelle.
Just be you.
I know it can be difficult to control emotion.
I just didn’t want you to think it was just your comments.
What I said is no reflection on your blog comments.
That was a good comparison to help me understand.
HG, I just wanted to let people know.
I do not have a blog.
It was just how my WP set up.
I do not want anyone to think I am ignoring them
Or denying access.
I just use WP to better access blog articles and comments.
Im in the same boat. Have had many requests for my ‘blog’ but there is nothing there. Its just set up for here and so I can like etc. Apologies to all who thought I was ignoring them.
Thank you NA.
I didn’t even know mine was showing I had a blog.
Guess you get to find out who’d reach out to you offblog that way. Lol. Did it get a bunch of hits when your Narc letter was re-run a month ago?
Clarece
Its pretty consistent, but yes, there were more then.
NarcAngel
Yeah, I figured that. My attempt with your “blog” was one of those hopeful, empathic shots in the dark that maybe we could talk on another platform. Hope springs eternal!
I noticed that Analise13. Thanks for pointing that out.
Right with you on that one Clarese. I don’t have a site either, using it for the same reason you are.
I never had to set up a “site” to use or access WP. I just made my email address private.
Same with me. Although I used my dog’s email address.
Cujo or Fido? lollll
That dog really gets around. I think he has a facebook page and shops also lol.
Ha, ha! FB, YouTube, Skype, PayPal. He’s a busy dog!
Clarece
Nothing so common! All my animals have French names. This dog’s name is fairly unusual.
You’re such a worldly gem of a woman, WS! 😉
I know.
I never set up WP as a site or blog.
Just a better way to use blog.
I was on fb page for few months prior to coming to the blog.
I noticed HG answered more questions on the blog.
So not sure why it shows that way.
Clarece, how do you hide your email ?
I just checked my settings and it just reads that my email will not be shown publicly. Weird. Not sure why mine is hidden and others have it displayed. Another quirky side to our beloved WP.
Okay I checked mine said that too.
Thanks Clarece.
I deleted site so it should not
show I have a blog any longer.
I just hope I still get new articles and replies.
Haha. Thats why I havent deleted mine or tried to allow people in. I am not great with these things and had so many probems previously that I am reluctant to change anything in case it happens again.
NarcAngel
Arthur C Clark’s third law,
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” just keeps getting more true as we age, doesn’t it? 😝
“The Cloud” still baffles me. It’s he magic of our time!
Time will tell.
I got this comment in WP.
I know, don’t mess with a good thing.
NA, don’t change it.
Mine won’t fetch article comments any longer or load posts.
Haha! It’s difficult for me to tone down my emotions too. Hence why HG used to call me Super Tanker! Like Analise13 says though, I naturally always hope to get an answer to questions or comments but I’ve witnessed how this blog has exploded over 3 years and I do not expect everything to get answered. Then I am pleasantly surprised when I see an old questions do get a response. I do get frustrated however when I’ve gotten a response from HG and a thread ensues with friendly debate over a topic and then I’ve articulated my next response and sent it in and he just up and leaves it hanging in cyber space. For instance we had a really interesting debate going on attachment vs. bonding a few months ago. HG posed a few questions back to me which I answered and then asked him some more and those never saw the light of day. To the commentators, it would appear I was at a loss and backed out of the convo. Nope. But HG knows I had a comeback, so that was enough for me.
I guess we can all find comfort in that HG is just too busy to answer every comment.
It is not personal to anyone.
In that instance you mentioned,
you do hope for a reply on debating threads.
I am thankful are so many insightful and helpful comments here.
I usually do find my answer.
I have had many comments held for lengthy periods of time with and without answers in the end. Have also had some never post. Never bothers me and I assume its the same for everyone. That is why I was so surprised (I no longer am) and annoyed when people would say some here (and in fact named me) get special treatment or are his favorite. No one here has access to how many comments a person makes, the depth of the answer required, or when they were received before or after someone elses. Its complete nonsense and attention seeking.
Correct.
That’s just it.
Individually, one might think it is just to them.
But, it occurs collectively.
With everyone.
I think that person used you as an excuse to vent against HG.
It was strange,
Oh god, the irony of women projecting their father-figure needs, onto an infant-man with mother-issues.
I was surprised with the word psychopathic used here, since you usually write sociopathic or sociopath. However, by what I have come to understand, via research, psychopath is the accurate category because of how I comprehend your writings. I don’t care for labels, but they are necessary sometimes to aid in understanding and communication. While listening to a recorded conference about psychopaths the speaker, a well known and expert in the field, listed the first characteristic as narcissist (or narcissism), and went on to describe such and others. Another characteristic of a psychopath is that they see people as mere objects, having no conscience at all, no empathy at all, etc. You are brutality honest in this post, HG. This has shocked me and I`m not sure what to make of it. Thanks for being truthful, and bold.
The terms are complicated due to differing interpretations and ‘types’ within the diagnosis. It’s generally thought that sociopathy is triggered by environment while psychopathy is not, as in, it’s a born neurological condition. But sociopathy also has genetic predispositions. The umbrella term is ASD which avoids these often stigmatised and misunderstood labels.
Excellent comment, /iroll, and I am going to piggy back on it with this:
James Fallon author of: The Psychopath Inside, wrote:
“Robert Hare has pointed out that sociologists are more likely to focus on the environment or socially modifiable facts of the disorder, so prefer the term sociopathy, whereas psychologist and psychiatrists prefer to include genetic, cognitive, and emotional factors as well as social factors when making a diagnosis, and therefore would opt for psychopathy.”
“J. Fallon’s friend Fabio Macciardi, a UCI colleague and a noted psychiatrist said, There is no psychiatric diagnosis of psychopath. The closest thing we have in the manual (DSM) is a personality disorder. But that is not always the animal you are looking for, either.”
Essentially, it is the same disorder and different professionals use different labels and it also explains why ASPD is trending as well.
Hi K,
—Sociologists don’t study the mind, they study ‘social mentality’. Big difference. Perhaps Fallon means social psychologists? Although American academia tends to be far more objectivist than European social sciences.
There are different types of psychopaths which Fallon goes into. Hare is a controversial figure as he has based psychopathy on criminal psychology and was also a big drama queen when other researchers challenged some of his findings. Hare makes a lot of money on his psychopathy test, and seems to have more commercial than purely scientific interests.
It’s unlikely that HG is a type one (P1) as he is relatively emotional, which contributes to NPD. Narcissism is a socially learned behaviour and adaptation to environment. That doesn’t mean HG is responsive to others, his non-typicality is that he is not responsive or very limited and rigidly selective in his reponsive capacity (shame deflection, intimacy avoidance, opportunistic advantage seeking). The inability to process emotion (the causes of emotion and changes within emotion) is also an ASD and NPD trait, so they will deny even the emotions they do have, to others and to themselves. It’s not a choice to deny, it’s a deeply subconscious, automatic process.
Trusting others is very difficult if not, impossible. Fear is also greatly diminished, resulting in a lack of inhibition. These factors: a lack of trust (especially of authority which includes morality), a lack of self-connection and moral inhibition plus social isolation can all lead to nihilism and paranoia.
Some of my favourite writers are nihilists, Sartre and Ellroy, who i am enjoying this summer.
I think the point is—one does not need to be abused to be a psychopath, the condition itself is difficult, there’s a lot of boredom and frustration, social and emotional meaninglessness —and it makes someone very different from those around them.
Hello /iroll
There is definitely controversy and disagreement in the field, however, based on what I am reading, it is a matter of semantics. Sociopath is being used less in lieu of psychopath and in some cases ASPD has replaced both terms. All of the violent psychopaths that I have read about have been abused by their personality disordered parent(s), however, James Fallon is a non-violent psychopath who had an optimal childhood.
The APA is too busy squabbling over the Goldwater Rule and hasn’t made any real progress in the last forty years so I am unimpressed by them.
HG’s comorbidity is narcissism (NPD) and psychopathy so he will display the traits of both disorders.
HG, I know you have many lieutenants who are incredibly loyal to you.
Would you think the mids don’t seem to attract these as easily as the greater and lesser?
And what sort of person becomes a Lieutenant? Would this be an Empath, another N or a normal? Or is it all three?
Thank you
Alexis
Mid Range attract Lieutenants readily enough, they do so through sometimes exhibiting charm, often through emotional blackmail through Pity Plays and pleading “you would do it if you were a true friend” for example.
Lieutenants can be drawn from all three.
Thank you so much HG. You’re just the best!
I am and you are welcome.
And again…. Tudor doesn’t put one of my longer comments through…..
And again you know the reason why.
Shakespeare: “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”,
What you call it doesn’t change how it smells.
It’s not just a label or name, it’s a diagnosis and a description of who that person is and wants if they choose to be known as.
Not all psychopaths are Hannibal Lecter, even thou these are the ones that get the most exposure which then influences society on what a psychopath is.
Debbiewolf,
I agree with bits of what you have said and the fact that labels don’t change who you are…yet if they were not so important then why would HG now want to be called a “Narcissistic Psychopath” rather than a “Sociopathic narcissist?”
Why would it matter?
Why would most book consultations with him to find out what kind of empath they are?
Why would it matter? As you say, it describes the person, and people like to fit in somewhere, and find others alike. They like to know what type of person they truly are or what type of actions describes them or their behaviour or their illness. Without labels we would all simply be the same would we not?
Labels distinguish us, among each other, make us different, make us perhaps unique, or perhaps even stigmatise us.
The point is, labels are more important than what you think. Once and only after a person receives a diagnosis or label of the type of disease and or illness they have, then they can receive treatment for that specific disease or illness they have. Without the diagnosis, or label, they won’t get that treatment.
You say they do not matter yet they are everywhere in society and many people make money from giving people these labels.
If labels did not matter then why would ones on here book consultations with HG to find out what label or kind of narcissist they are or have been dealing with? Does it matter?
Why does it matter what type of empath you are? But it does! It more finely describes the character we are, and type of behaviours we show.
The point is, yes I agree with you, actions do speak volumes over labels or words. But in this world we live in, labels are everywhere, and they DO have great important and significance! If they didn’t then people would not be so happy to associate themselves with such a label.
It’s not so much the fact that someone has given HG that label, that concerns me, as the fact that he has “chosen” to be known by that label!
Anyone can give someone else a label but whether you use that or not is up to you.
Tigerchelle78
As I said labels serve as guidelines.
Re HG’s label. This was more of what my point was i.e. about ‘his’ label not the rest of the world’s official labels and diagnosis on various conditions etc.
And I don’t think he ‘chose’ the label. It was banded about these so called good doctors.
I hardly think HG uses the term psychopath loosely or as some kind of badge. So I’m not understanding why you take issue with him allegedly choosing the name.
Firstly… according to them …he was a sociopath… then he was a psychopath. I refer to “them” changing midfield.
HG is still the same as he ever was, regardless of what they call him.. or what anybody calls him.
General labels and the generality of labels is what I was really referring to.
I also did mention (I think) about us paying attention to what kind of empath we are etc.. I didn’t dismiss it… labels are guidelines. I said that.
My point was let’s not get hung up about it all.. this psychopath versus sociopath malarkey.
It’s not up to us to judge whether he chooses anything or not anyway..if he does, or to have an issue with it in my opinion.
If anybody has an issue with it is their problem.
This is an information site and we relate things, events, scenarios granted…At the end of the day hopefully we learn what we need, apply the information and go and get on with our lives.
Re Labels i.e. psychopath sociopath.
Labels don’t really make too much difference to anything ..just words . You are still the same HG you still talk the same way… you’re still on the blog the same…you still do the articles.. you still do everything you did before…. it’s what you do that matters not what label anybody is going to hang on you..
I don’t see why I or anyone should take any notice of any kind of bloody official label when people that hang them don’t know what they’re talking about most of the time! Why should anyone believe their stinking labels… to be fair I think you present a conundrum to those those that hang the labels.
If they couldn’t make their mind up and then they changed it halfway along I don’t see why anybody should take any notice.
I’m not going to take any notice I’m going to continue the same way I did from the moment I came to you.
In the business of labels I’ll hang a label of my own once again –
“Tudorite”.
But hey what’s in a name.
Words.
I concentrate on actions and results… that’s what you get with HG.
That’s what matters.
This blog is authentic work.
HG is completely honest in this work.
Not to be so defeats the object of this work.
HG is a professional in this work.
To be perfectly Blunt the labels are irrelevant at this point.
In fact the severity of the label psychopath as seen by people who assume it always means a violent nutcase or something really terrible… it doesn’t…here in this venue it is a good qualification for this work.
He is dangerous in his own private life because he says he is and has from the start…this is outlined …how he mentally abuses.
Not all Psychopaths are this way.
Labels matter as a description but you must understand the description fully before getting hung up on a label.. if you are going to bother with the label at all.
They serve as guidelines I understand that.. they give us a heads up of course they do… afterall we are labelled in as much as what type of empath we are.. it gives us a heads up, but we must understand labels completely before we get hung up over them.
If HG wasn’t whatever it is that he is then this work wouldn’t be as valid as it is.
✌🐾
HG labels Empaths.
We do not label ourselves, generally.
Who here called themself a Super Empath before this blog.
Who ever called their narcissist a lower mid range elite narcissist, etc. before this blog.
HG categorizes.
Just, as he has been categorized by his “ doctors”
Some people like and need labels.
To determine where they fit in.
To better understand.
For me,
Complacency is the crack that lets the abuse in.
Healthy skepticism is a good thing.
It is a process.
Giving ones self over to an abuser,
is not the way to go.
I mean in general, not specifically HG.
Thank you HG, I was not questioning your diagnosis.
I think it is accurate.
I have read your reply stating your doctors,
not yourself label you a psychopath.
I realize you cannot answers all comments.
Due to the volume.
My response was more in relation to the validity posed regarding questioning
Specifically or generally.
Why some of us tend to do so.
Noted and thank you for clarifying.
SuperXena, I just read your long comment related to what you have read about psychopathy which you addressed to me. I guess HG kept it in moderation because it was long and needed to read it whenever he had more time. Also, I decided to spend less time in this blog and concentrate more on some aspects of my life. However, reading all your comments in the right order has helped me see more your intent and tone. Without your long comment, the one that was missing, i got the impression your comments were unnecessarily argumentative. But now I get better what you wanted to say.
I think we are basically on the same page. Thanks for sharing.
Hello Lou,
You are welcome and thank you very much for your answer clarifying and for sharing.
I do believe we are basically on the same page.
Superxena
The book you mention The Wisdom of Psychopaths by Kevin Dutton interesting, after I put the kids to bed last night I stayed up and read it.
Hello Twilight,
I am glad to see that you found it interesting. Very polemic and thought-provoking. I can’t say I agree with all the concepts he presents but it is always interesting to know about different perspectives.
Best wishes!
Hello Superxena
Yes I agree thought provoking and learning a different perspective interesting.
Warm regards,
Twilight
tigerchelle78
An Apath is a normal or normie.
K
It’s more than that, isn’t it? An apath is someone who watches abuse and does nothing. Apaths often hang out with narcissists and support them in their abuse of others. They either just don’t care or they rationalize the abuse.
Interesting concept Windstorm. Never heard about that. I connect the word with apathy/ apathetic (Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, and concern. It is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation, or passion etc.)
Perhaps apath does not have anything to do with it? Could you expand on that concept?
Superxena
I got my info from googling apath. I agree, I had always thought an apath was just someone who doesn’t care (a person with apathy), but in researching it found that “apath” is used often in connection with narcissism. Apaths are the companions of narcs who watch their abuse and don’t care.
Apaths? Who cares? Lol.
😂
NarcAngel
Ha, ha! Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it right now!
Windstorm
Haha. Good. I was hoping it would make you laugh in the car enroute like your text faux pas made me laugh.
NarcAngel,
Yeah, that turned out to be a good thing! I’d started stressing about all the things that might go wrong, and that so cracked me up, I didn’t worry any more!
The worst thing was the drive ended up taking 17 hours with me driving the whole way. (No way I was going to let him drive! I don’t ever make that mistake.). That about did me in. Survived today, though. My middle son that I stayed in Japan with is here, too and that provides a buffer. No worries till that drive home Sunday. Going to think positive!
Windstorm, maybe you have already explained this before so apologies for making you explain again, but why is letting your ex drive a mistake?
Also, I think you share some of the information you find on Narcsite with him. If you do, how does he react to it? Does he reject it or he just says yes, so what? I do not give a damn.
Lou,
My exhusband is a greater. He’s known what he is for many years. In his family narcissism is just acknowledged and accepted (by those who realize they are one). He isn’t fond of discussing narcissism, but sometimes he will at times. I’m careful not to overtly refer it to his own behavior in ways that he doesn’t like, so as not to wound.
To let him drive would give him too much control over me. He would be able to drive fast and reckless which would scare me, he could decide to go somewhere else other than where we had planned. He would turn the radio on music I found obnoxious. He would not stop when I wanted/needed to. Plus he would just “follow his nose” instead of the directions I had to our destination (which might work out, but if not he’d just go “Eh” because like all narcs, he is never to blame).
Knowing what he is, he has control over his actions and I can tell that he consciously tries to not be abusive. But giving him that much power over me and effectively trapping myself in a moving car with him is all too often just too tempting for him to resist. The only way for me to spend time with a narc and not get manipulated is to always remain in control of my situation. And even then, it takes contant effort and is very wearing.
Windstorm, thanks for your reply. Reading about your ex husband’s behavior as a driver made me laugh. But I know it is not funny at all for you.
The reason I asked this question is because I hated driving with my Darth Moeder in the car. She would have subtle gestures or little remarks that would criticize my driving and would just drive me nuts. She extracted a good amount of fuel from me that way. That is why I would always prefer her to drive and I would just seat and listen to her call all drivers crossing her way idiots. The worst is, I do the same now! I really need to exorcise her out of my being. LOL.
I do not recall my other narcs being a pain in the car though. Just the one I work with.
Lou
It’s all about control. It’s not that any one of those things I mentioned are that bad in themselves, but that what I want, need, feel would be completely disregarded.
My exhusband hates my driving bc it is too cautious. He hates my always planning everything out and following the directions on my Garmin. He used to complain all the time like you said your narc did. But now if he complains, I just refuse to go anywhere with him in the car. It is my car. He’s the one wanting to ride with me, not the other way round. Me driving and him not being obnoxious is the cost of him getting to ride.
After decades of dealing with him totally ignoring what I want and lording his will over mine, I guess I’ve sort of grown allergic to it. I’ve reached the limit of my psyche’s tolerance for having my wishes totally disregarded as unimportant. If I had to put up with that treatment again, there’s a good possibility I’d freak out and blow his head off with one of my pistols.
Living so many years with narcissists warps and changes a person. It has certainly permanently changed me. I don’t claim to be completely rational or even sane. He understands this. That’s why he may “push the envelope”, but never too far. Thankfully for us both, he is both highly intelligent and really understands human nature.
WS, yes, it is all about control and provocation indeed. My mother’s manipulations to provoke an emotional reaction in me while driving was the same. I know they are not funny at all in real life. They are abusive. But reading about their childish behavior without feeling the emotional turmoil does make me laugh sometimes.
I think you are completely right to say it is your car so your rules and your driving. And if he goes too far, your pistols are always there 😉 (just kidding).
Happy Sunday.
WS
Yes, they usually are part of the coterie and carry out the narcs dirty work. I use both terms, normals and apaths, when discussing people who are not narcs or empaths.
Thank you K, I would think the Apaths are going extinct aren’t they?
tigerchelle78
I don’t think apaths are going extinct but I do think narcissism is on the rise and empaths are hard to find where I live.
Great book. Questions by readers (some you may recognize as regular contributors to the blog) for those looking for more comprehensive answers than can be given on the blog. A happy medium between blog and consultation.
Clarence, thanks for your answer. I had read in your comments that he had kind of attached to someone in his childhood but I did not know it was his piano teacher.
SuperXena, I know what the scientific method is and I know genetics is a scientific field. LOL. I suppose I just let some of my lay thoughts run free. It seems I just do not have a rigorous mind like yours.
Lou,
I am absolutely sure you know that. It was not meant as an observation towards you but rather stating that the comments I am writing here are based on research I have been doing .That was all.
I do not think I have a “rigid “mind. I have also had difficulties between believing certain things ( based on my assumptions) and the facts showing something completely different. That is exactly the reason why I decided to do some research regarding this topic based on scientific studies . My purpose is to share it with other bloggers. I find them insightful and helpful for the purpose of this site.
Superxena
Your doing a wonderful job at convey the information. It is a refresher course for me reading your comments.
Thank you Twilight.I am glad to hear that is useful to you. I have decided to make extensive research of this because I find this topic ( related to the mind) fascinating .
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav’n of hell, a hell of heav’n. –John Milton, Paradise Lost (1667), Book 1, lines 254–5”
The mind is fascinating. I studied for about year after I left my ex, the first couple of months I believe that is what kept me moving forward. 2 years later I find myself here.
Hello Twilight,
Yes, I agree completely with you. It is amazing that the study of the human mind kept you “on track” . It gives incredible understanding of many processes within us. Even when emotions is concerned. According to ongoing research ,
intelligence ,memory ,sensation and perception as well as emotions arise from the human brain.
Fascinating indeed.
Warmest regards.
Hello Superxena
I was drowning in the beginning and I lost myself in the emotions I was absorbing and feeling. It was a focus point for me and I climbed my way out.
I still study when I have some down time.
Twilight, it’s good that you found knowledge as your lifeline.
If you feel like sharing Twilight, what did you study about the human mind? Any particular field? Neuroscience ? Or something else?
Hi Superxena
Psychology, Socology, neuroscience, and genetics. They all tie into one another.
My original study in school was psychology and genetics, until my husband felt threaten by it and forced me to change fields. He couldn’t have a wife that made him look like an imbecile.
Hi Twilight,
I had miss this comment . Interesting that your original academic fields were genetics and psychology. Both fields are in constant development.More advanced research techniques now but still some inconsistent theories that yet have to be improved and verified. There is much more to do there. Captivating fields indeed.
“….until my husband felt threaten by it and forced me to change fields. He couldn’t have a wife that made him look like an imbecile.”
Ha,ha,You made me laugh with that one. I can relate to this.They let
you “shine “until it becomes a threaten to both their sense of superiority and control.
I hope all is fine with you.
Twilight, it’s good that you found knowledge as your lifeline.
If you feel like sharing Twilight, what did you study about the human mind? Any particular field? Neuroscience ? Or something else?
Best wishes!
Hi SX! You do a great job here!
You do realize Lou didn’t say a “rigid” mind but rather a “rigorous” mind. Completely different connotation there. 😉
Hello Clarece,
Thank you. Yes, I understand the difference between the two. That is why I wrote “rigid” within apostrophes to denote the difference .
Within this context I regard it as a compliment.Thank you for your observation .
Hello Clarece,
Thank you. Yes, I understand the difference between the two. That is why I wrote “rigid” within apostrophes to denote the difference .
Within this context I regard it as a compliment.Thank you for your observation .
As with a fine whiskey…. HG gets more potent over time!
Just need to do some updating I think which I’m sure you are onto. Definitely a change within I would say the last 6 months. Are you still seeing the good doctors? I just have a feeling you are not!
Tigerchelle, I thought you were new in the blog. I guess you were commenting under another name then. Just curious.
I am kind of new, I’m not sure how long I’ve been here. Maybe couple of months. I was Michelle to start with…
Ok. Thanks for answering
Follow.
I just read quickly the differences between sociopaths and psychopaths and yes, I think you are more in the psychopath group.
So you are psychopathic now not sociopathic? Or has this always been the case and I got it wrong?
I believe the two words were used by the good doctors as synonyms, and that is why HG used both words at a given moment. He uses more sociopath now
Actually I use Narcissistic psychopath
Oh, ok. I need to read more then 😬
That’s more scary!
I agree MB. Psychopath does sound more scary! I thought you either were one or the other. But it looks like there can be overlap with symptoms. And you can have more symptoms of one disorder than another. We are dealing with a very evil person.
Some people who have had narc parents…. turn evil themselves and go on to continue the cycle of abuse, (proving they are in fact no different from the abusers that abused them)….
However, others, try to end the cycle of abuse at them. We all have a choice!
Of course HG is the superlative in all things Tigerchelle!
From what I’ve read, the difference is that psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. Psychopaths are apparent from a very young age. With the limited knowledge I have, it seems that HGs malignant behaviors manifested a little later in life. (ie, he didn’t exhibit them as a young child by torturing animals and such). And since the “Little Boy” was “Lost” one would assume he was whole at some point which is not the case with a psychopath. The property destruction (arson) and other serious malignant behaviors came later. I lean more toward sociopath, but I know nothing. All should become more clear with the DM series on the horizon. Patience MB, patience!
HG, when did you start calling yourself a psychopath?
I know it was Malignant Narcissist.
Then Greater Elite Narcissist.
Then Narcissistic Sociopath.
Then Ultra Greater Narcissistic Sociopath.
HG, have your doctors determined other traits you posses to classify you as a psychopath?
A psychopath now, is fascinating and scary.
No wonder the Dolus Malus.
Ditto for me. I prefer consistency. Why the change from Sociopath to Psychopath?
Perhaps, HG might explain this to us all one day.
My guess would be, he was always a psychopath.
But, referring to himself as a Narcissist
to a Sociopath was a softer progression for readers
to reveal who he is really is.
Now, he will reveal his even darker psychopathic side.
That is a very realistic possibility Annalise13.
If, that is the outcome, I will not have a good reaction to that. At all.
Being that he has stayed anonymous this entire time, why was there a need to ever hide if that is the true diagnosis from the beginning? One lie leads to another which then makes me question the whole foundation and backstory this blog has stood on. Then that spills over to has JN really been a narcissist? Or just a really badly behaved immature jerk who does have the capability to maintain a healthy relationship and what happened between us was awfully bad circumstances and timing? And am I just believing a new illusion then for the last 3 years?
But it’s just a big “IF” for now.
Clarece,
I am afraid I am not following you in your line of thoughts.
Are you questioning the reliability of the information given by him if:
1. the label of his condition has been determined as a psychopath( instead of sociopath)?
Or
2. If he has lied about his condition from start and that fact of lying puts into question the reliability of the information / knowledge he is sharing with his bloggers?
Personally I do not see any valid reason to draw such a drastic conclusion regarding the reliability of the information / knowledge given here.
Above all, he has always presented himself as a narcissistic sociopath (quoting:” some state psychopath – this remains a matter of debate by the profession concerning the current application of sociopathy) .His condition may have been labeled as psychopathy due to recent evaluations. The line between sociopathy and psychopathy is not so easy to determine( leaving this to the professionals in question)
I do not see any reason why HG would have lied about his psychopathy from start ( which he has not). Why would he do it? He would not gain anything here by lying about that.
Regardless of what he is or the label he has been given does not change the accuracy of the information provided. You of all who has been present from start has witnessed the accuracy of the information given by him that has been corroborated repeatedly and consistently by the experiences of his bloggers.
The label of his condition( whatever it may be) does not take away his cognitive functioning and intelligence that has made him possible to observe ,analyse and learn in order to acquire this knowledge together with the skills he has acquired through many years of experience.That is what he is sharing with his bloggers: knowledge.
How does a new “name” or label given to his condition change the accuracy and reliability of this knowledge and skills?
I do understand to a certain degree your disappointment . Trying not to sound offensive or disrespectful to you ( I have always regarded you as a constructive participant) I feel that your doubts are based on a misunderstanding of concepts ( misconception).
For me , both his condition as a psychopath and his dark side have been very clear since the first interaction I have had with him( for more than a year ago) and from the information given about himself on his site.
So, I am not following you: where is the lie? What lie are you referring to?
We are all different types of empaths who think and feel differently about different aspects and subjects SuperXena. This is a good thing!
My original comment states what I am willing to share at this time on my personal feelings on the matter, and I have my reasons why that is. You are free to think I’m misconceived or misunderstanding.
Clarece
I understand your thinking, but don’t believe you should worry. From the start he called himself Malignarc and had the big Evil logo. I don’t think he was being deceitful at all. He definitely wasn’t trying to make us think he was less scary than he is.
Nope, nothing deceitful when your one word cover photo reads “EVIL”. lol
Superxena
I agree with you. I am a little confused as to why it maybe looked at that he has lied about his label. As you stated
“presented himself as a narcissistic sociopath (quoting:” some state psychopath – this remains a matter of debate by the profession concerning the current application of sociopathy)” is in the about section and after all of this time the doctors just might have narrowed it down from sociopath to psychopath.
They may have change the diagnosis. Yes it could be easy just to say “hey my diagnosis has been change” I just see he doesn’t just tell you he gives the why this is.
“There is plenty to tell you about my ongoing interaction with the good doctors, the origins of what I am and the conflict that is to come with MatriNarc. The articles that await publication and which wait to be written are burgeoning.”- HG Tudor
https://narcsite.com/2016/11/30/what-do-you-need-to-know/
I believe the answers will come in time.
I mean no disrespect towards anyone.
Entirely correct. The different labels have arisen from the professionals use of them, not mine.
HG, you went from the alien life form “Malignant Narcissist” with the occasional add-on of Sociopath and now above referred to yourself as “using Narcissistic psychopath”. Maybe you should have started off as “Malignant Psychopath”? Goodness! lol
The initial conversation with Analise13 was on speculating a scenario. I clearly said “IF the outcome is this….” then my reaction would be that. Predicated on IF. And a big part of that comment revolved around still questioning the dynamic with the Narc who brought me here.
I have my personal feelings on the matter based on what I was dealing with when I stumbled on HG’s blog on his first day 3 years ago, along with other external factors that evolved over time co-mingling with the time spent here (that include interactions offblog with current and old readers who found me when I departed last fall and a recent warning from a psychologist I approached to ask about progressive NPD treatments she specializes in while researching for a possible reader interview with HG). Prior to the official email and audio consults, there was a time where a reader could interact privately with HG through messaging mediums as I did many times back then too. So when I say I would have a specific reaction it is including shared dialogue that may be on here shared by the blog AND privately in my personal exchanges and consults with HG that will remain between him and I.
I’ve always spoken extremely high of HG. My reviews of his books are all over Amazon. He knows I’m loyal and I always come directly to him with concerns in the spirit of fairness to hear directly from him. He knows I believe in him and want good things for him. Especially with my recent comments on 7/6/18 in response to him with another reader asking where was God when he allowed him to be born to her. I am not disputing his work at large and remain a true and loyal supporter. Hence why I would have my own personal reservations or reactions if things are not as they were initially presented with his personal backstory on the genesis of the blog and books being started. Not WITH the work itself or its educational value.
Twilight, thank you very much for your answer. I really appreciate it.
Superxena
Your welcome.
Super Xena,
For myself,
I observe feelings as individual to each person.
Empaths and empathetic people.
Express both logic and emotional thinking.
So, we question the world around us and formulate our own opinions.
As you stated yourself Clarece has been here from the beginning.
If she has questions or doubts,
Then I for one value her ability to express them.
And find them valid.
I uitilize the information here as it matches to the situations I experience in real life.
I have formed no personal connection to Hg outside of commenting here.
I am under no illusion or assumption of the purpose of this blog.
I limit emotion here as much as possible.
We are guided by this very blog to heed red flags and signs of behavioural inconsistency.
When someone suggests we do not.
That is a red flag, to me,
The harm is in not questioning,
swallowing the illusion.
What I noticed was HG never corrected any inaccuracies in her post.
That fact, is valid.
We all here, read and follow HG work.
We are all aware,
narcissists/ psychopaths lie and manipulate
for their own advantage.
To state absolutely that everything HG writes is the truth.
He wouldn’t lie here.
Is a far more egregious statement to express.
I continue to question
And observe dynamics.
Even if it goes against the majority.
I find great value in HGs work.
Why I am here,
Why I read.
Do I trust him explicitedly,
believe every word he writes is truth.
Of course not.
If I did.
Then what have I learned here.
What I do know is,
I trust my instinct.
I respect insight,
opinion and facts.
Even the feelings of others.
I often question.
None of these,
show disrespect to HG,
other commenters,
his work or his diagnosis.
My comment regarding this matter is as set out in my response to the accurate observations afforded by SuperXena and Twilight. I do not have time to address everything and silence on my part to a post does not equate to agreement.
Clarece, I get those doubts.
I suppose,
The lie,
would be to gain readership.
Create his legacy.
I think about it this way, they all lie.
It is the nature of the disorder.
Nothing is real.
Do not trust.
Never attach.
Have no expectations.
If you have found any insight or understanding from this process.
That is positive.
Hg, has his own agenda.
He says as much.
Our learning is a happy and helpful by product.
HG, seems to always be teaching us lessons.
I am heeding this one.
For me lack of complacency equals safety.
Analise13 and Clarece, am completely with you both. Just wondering if HG is still seeing the good doctors, because he is only going because his family made him.
I’m always interested in hearing updates in sessions with the doctors. Those made for very insightful articles especially hearing from the perspective that one needs to win and outsmart their doctor(s).
Only HG could answer that question,
he does not directly write about his therapy appointments any longer.
But I think I did read that he sometimes incorporates them into his articles from discussions with his doctors.
To be honest, sometimes my reading memory melds.
Where others can direct you to exact article where he stated something.
I thought his therapy was for two years,
and it has been three years writing this blog.
Fact is.
Therapy can not help or change HG.
It is pointless, other then a means to an end.
Inheritance.
Escape of criminal charges.
Blog articles.
Grand design.
If I am correct.
Clarece
Hard to go back, but if on that first day on the blog HG had disclosed that he was a psychopath, would you still have engaged/interacted with him?
Great question! In a word, no. Three years ago I had a very precise, tidy image of what I thought defined a psychopath that I navigated around. And looking back, knowing myself, I probably would have read those first few blogs but instantly thought predator who is seeking new victims online to share their vulnerabilities and stories and hell, I could go to my local Craigslist for that. Lol
I believe I was one of the first readers to contact HG privately to ask specific questions about the chemical addiction in the brain with these relationships, (the dopamine rushes, instant gratification and reward system bypassed and ignored, etc). I was obsessed with that angle at the time. That was about a month / month 1/2 into the blog. I think it was still one article per day then. The ONLY reason I felt safe and bold enough to take a chance on a response was for the reason he gave being a narcissist sociopath in treatment with doctors. I felt, at the time, if this was suggested as part of his therapy, doctors would intervene if they thought he was operating inappropriately or crossing boundaries. That was my logic at the time. Maybe completely ignorant or irrational, but maybe also relatable for some.
So yes, that tied in with initially speaking to him before it was even the “HG” name in emails. It was another alias at the time.
Had I never reached out to start asking the questions I was, you would not know Clarece as you do now.
Something about the label “psychopath”, would have been completely offputting to me initially to not even pursue reading more.
Hi Clarece
Thanks for responding. I asked because you were there in the beginning and I imagine it must have been a bit daunting to interact before there were so many on the blog who could attest to its safety and accuracy of the information as there is now. I can also see that although some may have been intrigued by the label of psychopath, they may have asked questions but been reluctant to give out their own information at that time. I am a bit reckless in that regard lol and your Craigslist reference made me laugh because in the beginning, interacting here made me think of those women who write to serial killers in prison. I am a hard cynic as you know, so I admit that a narcissist following ANY rules much less 5 and sticking to them raised my eyebrow and I decided to observe and test, but it didnt take long for me to see that his information was frighteningly accurate to my experiences, and I actually didnt care his label or whether or not the blog was monitored by the doctors as long as he was pumping out the information and validation, and it continued to make sense. I do understand your feeling however that if he has lied that it would change things for you. Yes, he is what he is and narcissists are notorious liars, but what has set him apart from the others for me is that he is willing to expose his behaviours and that of his brethren, but he admits (and it is obvious to me at least) that he does this for his own gain and I like the honesty in that, so whatever his label, it has fallen away for me in that it is a two-way street and we each stay on our side of it. Im good with that
Hi NA! Thank you for your understanding and that I have the position I do because of length of time and factors involving both on blog and offblog with personal conversations that no one here would have the full picture.
I cracked up at your remark about the women writing prisoners. Yes, it did go thru my mind after the first couple emails with questions were fired off to please not have that be my new low ranked with them. Lol. So far, so good, and so far I’m much better for the experience. I’ve definitely encouraged readers to try the consults if they’ve been curious. You will get a jolt of reality that starts giving clarity and new way to guide yourself on how to behave around the narcs affecting you.
I absolutely agree Clarece 100%. I enjoyed reading your comments in the archives with Malignarc as he was back then. It felt better for me as there was much more of a human side or element to him back then. Such a contrast to now. He was less evil, robotic like. (Yes I am aware that he has less time now and more to attend to). To read and comment on HG’s blog as someone who I knew/know was in treatment and self aware and at least “trying” to get better to some extent, made me feel like I could relate to him in some way because I’m also trying to work on myself and get healthier. Because I know him to be the intelligent and self aware person he is, I have hoped all along that he would work on himself. Not just to say, well this is me, deal with it.
His human element is what I was most interested in. The side of him that is not so messed up from his past that he can’t see the wood for the trees. That is what drew me as the empath I am. I guess I am the empath that wants to see the good overcome the bad. Perhaps that’s hope, love, I don’t know.
I feel somewhat like there was this huge net thrown out all this time, collecting in lots of empaths of their different types…and a few empaths such as Clarece, myself, Analise13 , Windstorm, MB and some others were also caught up in this net, not quite realising what was going on, or maybe we were gullible enough to believe what HG was saying at the time. Which yes it is brilliant! Many of the empaths here do not care and it does not change their opinion at all. But some of us clearly feel uncomfortable. It’s like he has gone past the point where we are comfortable anymore and has truly joined the dark side! Not that he hadn’t before. In the star wars films where Anakin Skywalker was not sure who he was, he was very torn, and was upset at his past, and certain people attracted him toward the dark side, but then he let the dark side take over him and become Darth Vader. I feel like HG has just become Darth Vader. Maybe that sounds very pathetic and stupid and naive, but that is just who I am. I will always look and try to find the good in people. But maybe there is none left in HG anymore. Maybe that’s what makes me feel uncomfortable and saddened. I have felt this way ever since he came back from US. They say the US is full of this kind of person, so maybe they have indeed influenced him in a strong way. I could be wrong. Just my thoughts.
Clarece
Sociopath, Malignarc and that fiery Evil logo had the same affect on me as psychopath would have for you. That’s why I waited a full year of reading and watching for signs of danger before I felt safe enough to make comments. I figured after that long if it wasn’t safe, then negative comments about him would have started popping up when I googled his name. Wariness is a trait beaten deep into my psyche.
Hi WS! Oh I was plenty wary too but I was also deep, deep in a depressive, confused fog and with that comes my “f*ck it, what have i got to lose” attitude. Lol
Ha, ha, Clarece!
We have very different coping strategies! When I’m lost in deep dark depression is when I crawl into a dark hole and turn my focus inward and to things spiritual. My risk taking is when I’m in a more manic mood and filled with optimism.
Hi WS! Do you remember the scene “From Officer and a Gentleman” when the Sergeant is putting Richard Gere’s character thru all of these physical obstacles in the rain trying to break him and make him quit boot camp, Gere is weeping and saying, “I’ve got nowhere else to go….”. Yeah, that was me 3 summers ago when I found HG. Lol 😉
Clarece
I’ve was trapped into seeing an officer and a gentleman once in the theatre when it first came out, but I’ve tried to wipe it all out of my memory! 😄. Definitely not my kind of movie!
I watched Officer and a Gentleman at a sleepover in high school and loved it, for a long time. I found it flipping thru channels one night this past winter and watched again for old time’s sake. If I met Richard Gere’s character now, I’d be racing to duck away. The broken, aloof fixer upper gives way too many red flags. Lol
Clarece,
Yeah, I saw all those red flags when I saw it in the theater when it first came out. It just seemed really sad to me with so many people trying to take advantage of the people around them. People causing their own unhappiness and misery. I wish I could wipe out of my memory the part where the nice guy with the narc father swallowed that engagement ring and committed suicide. That still causes me pain to think about.
I also noticed changes recently when he was no longer putting up “letters from the narcissist”…. we were getting one a day, usually at the end of each day, then it just stopped. Not sure why….
Sorry I meant “letters to the narcissist”
Because I chose to stop posting them as that particular run ended. It is my decision on what gets posted. There will be a fresh set of letters published in the future.
Your ‘About’ section still states that you are a ‘narcissistic sociopath’ – and that others sometimes use the label of psychopath.
Did your own assessment of yourself change?
You had used Narcissistic Sociopath earlier on as the diagnosis from the doctors, HG. I recall it having something connected to them determining you fully disassociated around the age of 10 (something extremely traumatic happening around then). So I agree there is a difference if now the determination is psychopath and you were born this way. The nurture element being an agitator rather than contributor. And if something did progress shifting the diagnosis, I’m wondering if that happened around a year ago when you became more adamant that you will never change and it’s impossible? Whereas early on you were open minded to see what could change as long as it benefitted you.
The terms aren’t interchangeable in my opinion.
Clarece, I agree that the two terms should not be interchangeable. HG wrote once that the good doctors used them interchangeably, but I guess it was while they were still trying to diagnose him.
I really have problems believing one is born a psychopath. But, why not? It seems it is one percent of the population, according to the information I found in internet yesterday. So, why can’t nature produce that “naturally” ? (bell curve).
However, even if HG says he does not recall ever having felt empathy or having the capacity to attach to someone or rules, and even if I am pretty sure he is proud of being in the one percent of the population, I still find it difficult to believe he was born this way. My belief is that he just forgot he once had those capabilities because he was too young and because those things are better forgotten due to his narcissism.
My narcissistic mother loves to put things on genes. I always found that argument convenient both to manipulate, provoke and avoid responsibility. So I have a rebellious attitude towards the purely generic argument.
So I belong to the group that thinks he had already a genetic predisposition and the abuse triggered it. I believe that, because of his intelligence, HG was highly sensitive too, which often causes more emotional commotion.
But just as MB stated, I do not have enough information abut HG. I need to wait for the Dolus Malus series.
Hello Lou,
I would like to comment shortly something according to recent research.
“So I belong to the group that thinks he had already a genetic predisposition and the abuse triggered it.”
Psychopathy is not triggered but is present since birth ( remains until death). The environment ( as a traumatic childhood or abuse) only determines the WAY it manifests.
A lot of research done in this field!
Hi SuperXena,
Yes, I read psychopathy is genetic. As I said, I just have problems accepting it is 100% genetic. But why not?
I totally agree it is for life.
Hello Lou,
I understand what you mean. There has been a lot of research and many theories contradict each other and are difficult to understand.
A distinction though has been made lately by researchers and scientists regarding psychopathy:
1.They have a genetic severe emotional dysfunction, especially lack of empathy .
They present a different brain structure ( amygdala)responsible for understanding emotions .”The amygdala is critical for the formation of stimulus–reinforcement associations, both punishment and reward based, and the processing of emotional expressions. vmPFC is critical for the representation of reinforcement expectancies and, owing to this, decision making. “http://rstb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/363/1503/2557
Both factors are irreversible.
2.In terms of behavioral traits all psychopaths have ( are born with) certain psychopathic traits such as:Ruthlessness,fearlessness,impusivity,self-confidence,focus,coolness under pressure,mental toughness,charm,charisma.
But these traits manifest differently varying in intensity depending on the influence of environment but they do not disappear. Some psychopaths have some “dials”
( psychopathic traits) turned up all the way up some do not resulting on different types of psychopaths but still psychopaths.
So these psychopathic traits are present in all psychopaths. The way these psychopathic traits manifest themselves varies depending on the influence of environment ( as well as on the degree of cognitive functioning and of impulse control) moving the degree in each “dial”( psychopathic trait) within a minimum-max scale.As a result you have different types of psychopaths( but still psychopaths): some violent, criminal others who are not. Some more prosocial than others more antisocial.
But the core of psychopathy(as far as I know) lack of empathy an everything related to it ( lack of remorse and conscious) is irreversible and all the psychopathic traits are present in all psychopaths varying just in “volume” of manifestation.
Difficult to explain. I am still learning. I hope it makes sense.
Lou just adding :
This research that has been made appertains the field of genetics which is a scientific one.It is the scientific study of heredity which is based on (as any other scientific study) the observation of phenomena, the formulation of a hypothesis concerning the phenomena, experimentation to test the hypothesis, and development of a conclusion that confirms, rejects, or modifies the hypothesis.
So the conclusion reached concerning psychopathy in the field of genetics are not based just on assumptions. Of course as any scientific study it develops and evolves.
HG why aren’t you weighing in on this? Lol
Lou – By some of the things HG has written in articles or answers in comments, yes I believe he is highly sensitive. He may have been born with any empathy traits on the lower end of the spectrum by nature but I think his mother, from birth, never properly attuned and got in sync to establish bonding and trust. His first major rejection stunting any further development.
But, he also spoke of once, feeling a close connection with his piano teacher as a child and then that person was removed suddenly from his life. That person believed in him and I think that meant the world to Little HG.
My understanding of Dolus Malus is to witness the execution of a complete take down plan. I don’t know if that means we will actually get more insight to the creature or the abuse from childhood. I take it more we will see first hand when a Greater has patiently and methodically planned revenge against persons who gravely hurt him and to the extent they can carry something out. And then win.
Clarece,
Looks like my first comment may have started something here. I do tend to be very observant like that.
HG is acting very strange at the moment. But he could just be very busy with this new series.
And as you say planning revenge, on those that have hurt him. Whoever his mother is, I reckon she doesn’t have long to live…. psychopaths think nothing of taking a person’s life! If he wants to be known as a psychopath, then my opinion of him has changed. Psychopath denotes a whole different type of thinking for me. I’m sorry HG…..
tigerchelle78
HG is no different irrespective of his label and most psychopaths are non-violent and blend into society just fine, most don’t even know they are psychopaths. According to Dr. Robert Hare there are 100,000 in NY city alone.
I am not bothered by his psychopathy at all; it is normal.
Uhhh K, I love you, but psychopathy ain’t normal hun.
MB
Ha ha ha….I will try to clarify what I meant: psychopaths/sociopaths, empaths, apaths, histrionics, BPDs, CoDs, etc. have been around forever so, if you look at it objectively, that is our normal. Hell, before I came here, I thought I was “normal” but it turns out that I am an empath! WTF…
K,
Yeah, and if you grew up surrounded by sociopaths and psychopaths you can think they are the normal people. Lol
WS
Absolutely, all of my lessers were criminals and I grew up with violence and crime so that is my normal.
Hey K!
I just had to share this with somebody! I totally cracked myself up a few mi utes ago. I texted my daughter:
“On my way to pick up ur dad for that 14 hour drive to the reunion. Say prayers for both of us that we don’t each make the other’s day a living hell.”
I got back this reply:
“…. you …. ah…. actually sent that to dad;)”
I texted him back:
“Well don’t you want her praying for that?””
He replied:
“Well, at least for half of it!”
😝😝😝
WS
ha ha ha….oh, shit! You sent it to the wrong person…that was great. And his response was funny.
Take mental notes and let us know how the drive and the reunion goes.
K
You’ve had quite a different experience. Most all the folks I know are “normal”. I’ve always known there was something different about ME. Turns out, I’m an empath too! WTF…
MB
Welcome to the Empath Club! I knew there was something different about me, too, I just didn’t know how different until I got here.
Our normal isn’t similar to the apath or the narcissist. We really do live in different worlds.
Hahaha – K, I love how you throw around that term ‘normal’…
😉
WhoCares
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh. If you really think about it, what is normal? My normal might be different from someone else’s normal; it is all relative.
I am not impressed with the APA at all; they are useless.
I think HG is enjoying us debating and taking it all in with a smile.
I think HG is simply catching up from being away on his US trip for two weeks and other personal matters along with all the different types of consults available to readers now.
I think Dolus Malus in the pipeworks along with his books, interviews, live streams and other articles he’ll come out with in due course, or maybe not.
I think HG should consider some readers mindsets may alter when they operated thinking they were engaging here with a declared sociopath who is actively in treatment and under the observation of doctor(s) on a journey to see what could transcend over time versus now possibly being identified solely as a Psychopath. It changes the landscape and makes it more predatory.
That is just my initial reaction to your comments T78.
I agree, Clarece. Psychopath is much scarier sounding. Won’t change my opinion because I’ve always already felt that way. No offense to HG, but he is a narcissist and it is my default setting to never let my guard down around any of them – not even my own sons.
It all comes down to what they feel is in their best interest. I never forget that with any of them – ever.
Clarece, I’m thinking it will all be made clear in due course. Him being all mysterious and stuff is building the suspense even more!
Besides Lou, hoping you do not take this offensively , even if you( we) receive some more information here ( which I doubt) we do not have the professional competence to determine one or the other and it will probably take years of research from professionals to determine it.
All we comment here is just based on assumptions about his case.
I refer to HG as a psychopath IRL. The APA doesn’t have their shit together and I think sociopath/psychopath are interchangeable and it appears to be trending that way, along with the use of ASPD. Part of the problem is that most people think all psychopaths are violent, impulsive or similar to Hannibal Lecter/American Psycho and that is a myth. HG is a high functioning narcissistic psychopath who has awareness, intelligence and control so he is capable of functioning far differently than some two-bit hood.
K,
“The APA doesn’t have their shit together…”
I second that.
Hi HG…why do you consider yourself a psychopath vs a sociopath. Was it a label given by your psychologist? When i think of an elite i think sociopath. When i think of someone capable of murder i think of a psychopath? Thx
Both labels have been given to me by different doctors.
HG
Of all of the labels that have been assigned to you by different doctors at different times, you have said you use Narcissistic Psychopath (I hope I’m stating that correctly). Is that because you feel you must identify with one to satisfy others or do you actually accept that as the most fitting?
In a nutshell: If you could choose the title or descriptor of your condition what would it be?
A god. Ha ha. It would be NP, NA.
And there’s the Godly HG we know and love…
A god.
Opposed to God.
Which one HG, Odin? Apollo?
Or the creation of yourself as a new god.
Ty for your reply HG. Do you consider yourself a sociopath or a psychopath and why?
The two are not the same thats for certain.
If it was necessary to choose I would state that narcissistic psychopath is applicable.
Correction: the good doctors used those two terms interchangeably at a given moment. Hence the use of both of them in this blog too. I suppose.
Hi lou…they arent interchangable tho they are different diagnoses by two different doctors. I see the two as very different.
Hi Chihuahuamum, I know both terms are different. But they have been used interchangeably by doctors, as HG has pointed out.
All psychopaths are sociopaths, but not all sociopaths are psychopaths. Very similar at first glance, but over riding differences are : sociopaths have a less severe form of lack of empathy and may have ability to feel guilt. Sociopaths CAN form deep bonds with others( tho not necessarily healthy ones).Psychopaths can not.Also some anti social behaviors in a sociopath MAY lessen over time. A psychopaths thinking patterns and behavior patterns are very well organized whereas a sociopaths is less organized in demeanor
Hi star…i agree on this. Psychopaths have the ability to kill and some enjoy it(sadistic ones). Serial killers are psychopaths but not every psychopath is a serial killer. I think HG has mentioned he had killed before. Im not sure the nature of why that is. It could be related to his career. Hes also mentioned his fascination with fire which of course can make you start thinking things. HG has also mentioned having a sadistic side. Sorry HG its not to insinuate youve done anything but when you mention psychopath of course itll make one wonder why?