Every Song I Send You Is Bait
The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-
- It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
- We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
- We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
- It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
- We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.
Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.
Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.
Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.
Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.
Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.
Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.
None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.
You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.
Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.
There has to be a purpose.
Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.
During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.
You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.
This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.
Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.
When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?
58 thoughts on “Every Song I Send You Is Bait”
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My narcissist neighbour baits me with overdoses of music piped from round her flat above, 24×7 Raucous classical and very short versions of songs on a loop inc. Hava Nagila, Frère Jacques, Here we go. I’ve resorted to keeping T.V on so I can’t hear, it drives me mad, she turns the sound up at night. It started when she said, gushing, we are best friends, and I said that we are neighbours. She had visited me, when she had gone, I found some cosmetics had gone with her. Light-fingered. I’ve ignored her for nearly a year. Please explain and HELP.
I’ve told this before. Upon peeling back the mask of my ex lessor, I discovered a folder he had titled ( no chit) “things to say to women”
…. ..
following
Correction on song title, I
can’t see my comment,
but it is Both Ends Burning.
In case I mixed words up.
When I read this article and thread.
I thought of Burning Both Ends, Roxy Music.
For HG.
Funny how we associate certain songs with specific people and events.
Makes sense narcissists would use music
as an emotional manipulation tool.
It helps solidify their love illusion.
The best song a narc sent me is Stranglehold – Ted Nugent. And those lyrics! Textbook narc. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c3d7QgZr7g
Enjoy!
Never heard that before Iko! It’s the lyrics I agree.
First song my Narc sent me – come on if this isn’t a big red flag I don’t know what is … I see it now – not then though.
I Want You Lyrics
[Intro, spoken]
Don’t you ever what It’s like in there? To be all by yourself like that. Hm
Yeah I know. But he’s weird, you know? But I’m surprised he hasn’t turned on us right now
You’re so fine
You’re so good
I need you
And I think that if you thought about it you’d know you need me too
[Chorus]
Cause I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
And if I could I’d squeeze your hand so tight
Every knuckle would crack
I’d wrap my arms around you
And snap every bone in your back
[Chorus]
You’re so smart
You break my heart
I like you
And I think that if you thought about it you’d know you like me too
[Chorus]
If I could I’d kiss your lips so hard
Your entire face would bruise
Write your name in blood on every wall
It would make the evening news
I’d chain our fists together
So that you could never leave
I’d make you love me so much
You’d have to ask permission to breathe
You’re so fine
(I think about you all the time, it’s driving me out of my mind)
You’re so cool
(I can’t escape what I desire, it burns inside me like a fire)
I need you
(I’ll give you everything I got)
[Chorus]
You’re so smart
(There is no you, there is no me – together for eternity)
You break my heart
(I can’t stand not having you, I don’t know what I’m gonna do)
I like you
(There’s no way back, we’ve come this far)
[Chorus]
It’s up to you
https://youtu.be/kJTTNTOtSpM
Dear Mr Tudor,
Speaking about … “bait” ….
who would you invite for your “ultimate dinner party” (dead or alive) …up to a dozen people, who would you include…. and forget about being polite …. your fantasy dinner … so to speak
Luv Bubbles xx
I have answered this straight off the top of my head and might make alterations if I thought longer about it.
1. Charles II
2. Martin Gore
3. Uma Thurman
4. Lt John Chard
5. Lt Gonville Bromhead
6. Alexander the Great
7. Hilary Mantell
8. Anne Boleyn
9. Roald Dahl
10. Christian Bale
11. Ridley Scott
12. Christopher Hitchens
Are these all other narcs HG?
No
Interesting and fun question, Bubbles.
So, is Hg reply.
Hg, who is Hilary Mantell?
Also, why Charles ll and not your Tudor namesake?
She is an author of historical fiction. Very good writer. Charles II had a heck of a lot of mistresses so some good tales to tell
I did google her after I asked the question.
So, comparison of bedpost notches with Charles ll then?
Did Charles ll have an anchor IPSS?
Not more mistresses than you, HG?
HG, You are a good storyteller like Roald Dahl. I listened to the one about the cobbler with the narc landlord. The way you told the story and did the voices! We’re overdue for another one.
I still say you should volunteer to read to the children at school. ‘The BFG’ would be a good one. They would love you, their eyes fixated, hanging on your every word. Good fuel!
Watch out for Tudor Tales
Craving…
Anne Boleyn…haha! Need a token Super Empath at the dinner. I would meet her or Elizabeth I if I could raise the dead.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thankyou for doing that …. this is amazing
It’s meant to be “top of your head” answer
Care to elaborate “why” you selected each one for dinner
Luv Bubbles x
What a great question Bubbles!
Thank you MB
I just fluked that one …. haha
😘
Twilight that’s True Blood, I loved that show! Sookie Stackhouse was sickly sweet though, she’s married to Bill in real life. I liked Eric a lot! His character is SO HOT!! That series was sooo sexy!
I’ve never heard that song before so thank you!
Have you watched The Lost Boys? Kiefer Sutherlands character is HOT!
https://youtu.be/TuxdjVI-5r0
Erm I’m noticing an evil soul sucking devious addiction here!
Hey I should have guessed you loved vampire things from your name!
Presque Vu
Ha ha my name represents many aspects of me. My love of vampires is one, another is that point in time when darkness and light are equal and in balance.
I always like Bill from True Blood.
Yes I saw Lost Boys when it came out.
Salams Lot is the only movie that scared the daylights out of me. Just thinking about it sends shivers up my spine.
Twilight
Great book, great movie!
K
Ha ha I agree
My inner 8yr old says
Fuck that sky high you can keep it!!!
As she hides under blankets with holy water and a stake
Exxxxxxcellent article. Now I understand. Seemed so dreamy… we loved the same bands and song. And yes, he would send me songs which said “I love you” but could never say the words.
Now it has been so hard to listen to my favorite music. Will that go away? Geeeeeze….
Oh the music….. la la la LAAAAAAAAAA!
Bait Bait Bait
Fuel Fuel Fuel
You are making it so hard for the next guy HG!
Junior MI5 Narc hunter in progress!
Simply WE your victims are a JOB and in return doing the JOB, YOU HG get paid. Also, YOU are a gigolo too, doing sexual things to GET PAID, SEX is Not to exchange energy, intimacy, feeling connected. YES YES get your sex book. BUT WE are Basically a big Dildo for your entertainment. WE bring LIFE to your LIFE because YOU do NOT have a life of solitude that you enjoy. NOW HG do you enjoy the job you are doing? OF getting your pay of fuel supply for you work. OR is there another JOB you would rather be doing? HG your kind is EXASPERATING. YOUR CONSTANTLY NEED FOR STIMULATION AND THANK YOU GOD, We as one is NOT enough for you, as YOU are Too Much Work. ONCE WE FIND OUT ALL THAT YOU NEED TO KEEP YOU GOING. The saddest thing of all, as it was mentioned. Have YOU HG gone to jail and WHAT would you do to survive IF you were in Solitude Confinement in Jail. Have a think about that HG, HOW would you survive with NO fuel for days weeks months????? Does anyone have any insight of this. OR maybe you are in jail WITH Just Narcissist as your jail mates. A jail full of Narcissist. OMG I can not even image. So HG, no matter how superior you think you compared to US empaths co-dependents AT least WE mostly can be ALONE with ourselves and because we do feel, it is our salvation of how we can handle life and adjust to the highs and lows of life. NOT everyone but most of us can. IF we have survived your kind, we can take on the devil himself, The Super Nova Emapth I feel is what I feel I am a Spiritual Warrior
‘We are a big dildo for your entertainment’
I have just nearly choked on my coffee as I couldn’t contain a laugh at this comment. Thanks for that giggle!
HG would still get fuel from the prison inmates Narc or not, solitary confinement is another matter. If he could attempt this under controlled conditions – what an achievement!
HI Presque Appliance in many varieties 🙂 Two things that I hope HG address. How would he and other Nacs. deal with being just each Narc. city. Second if he was in jail in Solitary Confinement of NO natta of fuel. Where would he get fuel? A moment when his slop of food was shoved under his door from the guard. Yelling to see if there was another inmate next door to him. The Wall the Toilet a bug?? HOW would he deal this?
Oh! Yeah! I read somewhere “Narcissist having sex is like masturbation with a living creature.”
Spiritual Warrior
As far as I have read, HG has never been in prison, however, on the link below there is question from Kristine about how a narcissist will survive in jail and you can read HG’s answer.
https://narcsite.com/2018/07/21/i-am-empty-i-show-you-what-you-want-to-see/comment-page-1/#comment-203318
Also, HG is planning on doing an “Isolation experiment” were he denies himself fuel and if you scroll down on the same link you can find my comment to MB about it.
BTW, I did get a chuckle out of your “big Dildo” remark.
Thank you K soooo Much. I am very straight forward to the best of my experience on my knowledge interaction research understanding of Narc. They are not on the same Earth Plain of us semi normal human beings. They are not of this world. If they are from God or Not, we do not know, BUT they carry a very high level of Evil. I respect HG, but he is still a Narcissist. He wants a legacy of being known. I told him HE should go on Ted X Talks. everything I read…The Narc. can NOT be with other Narc. AS if it is a Narc. jail or Narc. Island. Also A Narc. can NOT be in Isolation. All gadgets of electronics taken away. He would go bonkers. WHY was HG forced to do this as part of his treatment? AS did he pick this to do, or his therapist. What made him go to into therapy? My story is kookoo for coocoo. His main supply his like the main supply of a Vampire or Charlie Manson. Have you notice since Trump has been as President. The world Gaslighting has been thrown out in the media. Also, He has so many flying Monkeys and the on going lies and WE can go on and on, seeing a full on Malignant narcissist. This is what I know WE are never going to be really protected of getting involved with a Narc. as by the time we find out, we are under their spell and deep in. I want to be notified before I get involved with a Narc. NO he is a Narc. stay away..BUT unfortunately. All can be done as of now is the Red Flags and healing after we got sucked up by them. This is the shitty truth. HOW to heal. HOW to recognized After abuse mind fuck rape. The best to all of us S.W. Yes my Narc. had a big dig, I would tell him Go fuck your self like a big dildo, then you do not need us right….lol
I love this article, it is so very helpful with gaining insight and understanding into the narcissist perspective.
Baiting with music was his number one tool for encouraging me to make contact or respond. He did it with many as he liked to be known as a music genius anyway. But it was particularly effective with me as he knew my absolute love of music, it was easy for him and required little effort, it worked as I responded more often then not.
“Baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication” never a truer word said ! None of it was real, not one scrap of it. The only thing that was real was my care for him. But feelings can and do change.
The narc ex not only sent me music in the seduction phase, but he initiated a game where he would ask me a series of questions to “get to know me.” In hindsight, those questions were pretty intrusive. Groomed by a master.
Oh dear….I must of been groomed plenty of times online, and not even realised it then, I bet I’ve given narcs so much fuel over the years. It kinda annoys me….
The last narc who was kind of a friend, but not, did this thing, (I didn’t realise he was a narc until I came across Tudor’s site, and he was the original reason I came because I didn’t understand his behaviour).
He would ask a question and then I would ask one often through text or messenger. They were pretty personal and complex questions. I had no idea why he would wanna know such things about me. He knew I was married, (we had been kinda friends for many years in past off and on but lost contact over the years, but never knew one another well…. he said he had a girlfriend in Vienna, so it made no sense to me.)
When I asked him: ‘what did he wish to know.’ He used to say: “everything.” I used to laugh and say: “you won’t ever get to know me that well.”…. he used to say: “I want to”, so I used to say to him: “wouldn’t that make you feel vulnerable if we knew everything about each other as it would me?”… he said: “yes, but two people being vulnerable together will build trust.”
I never used to understand or get him. He has hoovered me a number of times, wanting me to be his secret or something because he feels happy when he talks to me! He wanted me to work him out etc. Very mysterious, vague… All this I did not understand until I came to HG. He has gone now, as I blocked him on everything and told him very forcefully to leave me the @#$% alone and never come back!
But he used to really get in my head. I hate that. I even got hubby to message him a couple of times and he never replied to him. Didn’t even acknowledge his messages. It was like he didn’t even acknowledge his existence….
tigerchelle78 as all the things Nars. do Grooming is the most sickly thing they do to us. Like a Pedophilia grooming their young child victims to sexual rape them abuse them earning their trust and loyalty. Ugggg It soooo sickens me Narcissist groom their victims. WE end up doing things or being a certain way, of pure brain washing.
Yeah I remember my father taking me to this strange guy he knew from work, his house when I was pretty young, probably about 12. He was also a single parent with 2 daughters. I just did not like him. Something was very off with him. He even looked scary. But I liked his daughters and we got on well. And I remember staying over, and one of the girls (my friend) told me I should not sleep with my underwear on. But I always had. So I took underwear off in the night. I have no memories after that. None! Nada…. I’m not sure if that’s strange… or not. All I remember is bumping into one of the daughters a few months later and she saying her father abused them sexually.
I’ve never talked about this to anyone…. I only just remembered it lol! Weird…. I hate it when you don’t remember what’s happened to you…. I have many instances like this with my Father too. I just don’t remember, but I know something happened. And I know it happened regularly. I don’t know if it was abuse, molesting, what? I just know how I feel. But yes my father definitely groomed me big time. He even told me funnily enough to go into wine bars and what to wear, and how to attract the opposite sex, what to say etc, how to be what they want etc…. is that normal for a father to do that? He said it would build up my confidence!
Tigerchelle, often people block out abuse
for their own emotional well being.
It will be triggered as memory at a later time.
I hope nothing occurred at your childhood sleepover.
No, that is not normal father behaviour,
in the slightest.
It sounds does like grooming incestous behaviour.
And beyond inappropriate.
I am so sorry for you and your childhood.
Build confidence, he would say that.
It was to destroy part of who you are.
Was your father, narcissist, sociopath or psychopath?
I feel Deeply for any child to adult abused in any manner.
All children deserve to be loved
and given boundaries in a healthy manner.
I do not know what he was. And I know you will say why not have a consultation with HG to find out. But maybe some things are best left not knowing. Maybe I don’t want to go there. The only person I will talk about my pain with and trust with my vulnerability is with my husband. And I know he cares greatly and can deal with it. I can sense if a person has empathy and I feel safe with him. I just will not go there with anyone else as I’m likely to go into a child like persona. It’s complicated. Thank you for your message Analise 13. x
Actually, I would not say have a consultation.
I do not advocate that way.
I would leave that up to you to decide.
I agree, some things are better left unknown.
I understand.
You need to guard your own well being.
Having a safe person to discuss your past and feelings
Is vital.
Trusting too easily.
Can lead to more abuse.
Thank you for your replies to me, as well.
Thank you. Yes it has led to more abuse in the past. I have been a victim of many IRL and online. Something I only recently learnt from coming here. I didn’t realise before what it was about me, or why. And your welcome….
I will say this blog has shown me how to lessen my emotional responses.
Irl, I can get emotional.
I sometimes find my comments seem pointed or humorless.
When emotion doesn’t show.
I assure you I am not a bot.
https://youtu.be/wYobruZTnk8
Dear Mr Tudor,
I somehow associate this song with you …I wonder why… haha
Luv
Bubbles xx
Dear Mr Tudor,
This song “definitely” reminds me of you 😱
https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4
Luv Bubbles xx
One of my faves Bubbles! Along with the S & G version!
Dear MB,
We both have good taste then ….hehe … S & G are classic
The “Disturbed” version I absolutely luv, gives me goosebumps n chills….. bit like Mr Tudor does … haha
Luv Bubbles xx
I find the Phantom of the Opera analogous to HG Tudor. This song reminds me of HG Tudor especially the part sung by Christine “Those who have seen your face draw back in fear I am the mask you wear …’. (But only when sung by Michael Crawford and Sara Brighthman no other.)
Those who have seen your face draw back in fear = compares to those to have witnessed your treacherous narcissistic psychopathic side running away from danger.
I am the mask you wear = I, the empath, (or all empaths) from which you steal empathic traits and appropriate them as a face covering or shield to fit in with your desired appearances.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3JJTdVrtaVs#
Lol Catherine Parr, I actually got sent this by one of the narcs I was entangled with online. He sent me lots of love songs other than this but yes this was one of them. And he sent it so I could see the lyrics too. It is a powerful combination. If I blocked him, he got other friends to send me songs…. So I used it against him in a similar way with my own songs. He wanted us to have an “us” song too.
Catherine Parr R
That gave me chills listening to that.
“When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough, you are going to find someone else who is, aren’t you?”
This is a self fulfilling prophecy. Even with the end goal being fuel.
I’m surprised that with all your (narcissists in general) skills, manipulations, machinations & technique there isn’t a solid foundation of knowing these skills in the very least & being aware of the power (however temporary) they provide you.
And at what point (if ever) is a decision made to go against the grain to overwrite others beliefs about your worth?
At some point you (narcissists in general & you personally as you wrote the statement) would (with your keen intellect) recognize that your part is continuing to believe the lie that you are not “good enough” (however you perceive this).
Would it not then make sense to take actions that would give you (both general & personal) a sense of fulfillment, integrity, & peace of mind?
It seems doing the same thing over and over again (entrapping empaths for fuel consumption) is merely a temporary fix to a bigger problem…
Do I understand correctly that the decision (on the part of any narcissist) is to continue salving the symptoms rather than dealing with the actual problems beneath?
If this is true, I must say the above information bears consideration.
Unless you (general & personal) enjoy the insanity of taking the same actions while aspiring for different results.
What say you?
What would be your song for everyone on here then HG?
Music is powerful….
My guess? Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
I have two in my head that makes me think of HG
The Knack – My Sharona
https://youtu.be/BR2JtsVumFA
Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus
https://youtu.be/u1xrNaTO1bI
Presque Vu
I have a thing for vampire movies, shows etc. I showed this song to my narcissist a different video yet this one seem to fit much of what I saw
https://youtu.be/2e1Bh7py4zw
I’ve noticed Depeche Mode lyrics in many of HG’s writings. They are my favorite band.
Ooh ya. Personal Jesus is a good one! That would be a great stripper song too. Stinkfist by Tool is no doubt the narcissist’s anthem…in my own head.
“Boredom’s not a burden anyone should bear.”
“It’s not enough, I need more, nothing seems to satisfy. I don’t want it..I just need it. To feel, to breathe to know I’m alive.”
“I can help you change… tired moments into pleasure.”