Sex and The Narcissist
No holds barred and no strings attached
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform
Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that
Also available in paperback on Amazon
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19 thoughts on “Sex and The Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I don’t think I’ve read this one.
I was listening last night to HG’s video on the Virtual Fuel Matrix about the UCMR Narc and oh my god this video is so accurate and exactly what my ex did before me, and with me in the beginning before we met in real life, and most likely after he ‘owned’ me to get his fuel fix.
I honestly think he prefers virtual contact than real life. That way he can pick up and drop when it suits.
Also explains his cam addiction, instructing and being the puppeteer and why long distance never bothered him in the first instance. He would get so mad at me if I didn’t Skype on time. Do.Not.Miss.That!
I should be feeling a sense of freedom from all of this realisation but I feel like I’m trapped in a perpetual chronic land of the damned caught between here and nowhere. I’ve been here for 10 months now. Limbo land, still unable to move on despite trying my very hardest.
I nearly contacted him this weekend too. It was the closest I have been in 10 months. I feel I’m slipping a bit. It should be getting easier. I feel guilty that it’s not. I’m stronger than this.
” should be feeling a sense of freedom from all of this realisation but I feel like I’m trapped in a perpetual chronic land of the damned caught between here and nowhere. I’ve been here for 10 months now. Limbo land, still unable to move on despite trying my very hardest.”
Same here, I’m with you xx
I recommend this book. (Not affiliated) It is confronting, because we all like to think that we had a special (sexual) connection to someone, but at the same time it’s a great eye-opener. Especially since you say you’re slipping: read it. It’ll keep you (or get you back) on track.
That being said, I couldn’t find the article “The loneliness of the long distance empath” that’s mentioned in the article about the virtual fuel matrix. Where can I find it?
I read this book and Red Flag last weekend, and it cleared up any doubts I had left. Of course, everyone has sex (I hope for them) and we all do more or less the same things in the bedroom. Still, it was very uncomfortable to literally read the things I have experienced. But, where you (HG) managed to make all your partners feel special, I noticed something was off from the start. I’m happy I did, if not it would’ve lasted much longer.
And after reading red flag, I realised I picked the wrong kind of narcissist. Mine was a fucking penny pincher. I should’ve gone for an elite, at least I would’ve had some nice dinners in top restaurants, holidays in the carribean, and jewelry. Meh.
I like how you write, I read each book in an afternoon because it was such a feast of recognition. Well done.
Thank you Rachel, keep reading.
This book answered so many questions and points of confusion! Thank you so much! It lends to a question, though.
The way I have understood your distinction for an elite is that he would be a combination of cerebral and somatic. I’m sorry if I misunderstood!
If I understood correctly, is it possible for a cerebral narcissist to be more intelligent than an elite; or is it that they are equally intelligent but the victim has learned in education from life with the cerebral, life after the cerebral, therapy, your writings? Mind you, they are both great at faking care of others and empathy; it is the intelligence that is the basis of the question.
Yes it is possible for the cerebral to be more intelligent than the elite.
Thank you so much!!
From my experience, with elite narcissist, if you outsmart them with your intelligence, they show signs of rage and jealousy. They rely a lot on being the “package deal”. So it infuriates them when you outdo them in some way.
With Cerebrals, if you are a target, they won’t believe that you are intelligent enough to come close to their level. They will think, “challenge accepted”, and show you how superior they are with their intelligence. They do not believe their targets can outsmart them, so you won’t see the rage, unless someone else points it out, and makes it an official reality.
Thank you, Anm! It sounds like you and I have had similar experiences with those two types.
It didn’t make sense to me how it is your supposed intelligence and knowledge that first attracts and then that same trait/knowledge is either supposed to magically go away or there is a reaction.
I’m sorry… let me clarify. I will readily admit, and have on many occasions during good and not so good times, I am not as intelligent as either. The cerebral got me to the point of believing a rock was more intelligent than I. I just didn’t understand how any show of intelligence became not a good thing even though it was not for display of looking mor intelligent.
Getting There
Mine’s a cerebral and my intelligence seems to be one of my better qualities to him. He loves intellectual conversation and discussion, and is drawn to smarter people. Now that said, I’m sure it would never occur to him to think that someone was smarter than he is. He’d just laugh and think they were deluding themselves. I know he’s never thought I could be as smart as him – that would just be ridiculous. Lol! He does acknowledge that I know more science facts than he does, but that’s not intelligence. That’s just book learning. His intelligence is based on being able to out think, out reason and out logic everyone else.
Thank you, Windstorm!
Very true to what you described in the difference of book learning and intelligence!
I know what I am about to say will seem wrong considering the discussion is about a narcissist, and please understand I don’t mean it in a way to downplay the hurt and pain and all other things he has put you through. I could not figure out how else to say this, though – I’m sorry: that is great that the two of you can still have those kind of discussions and that he still values your intelligence! Those type of discussions are amazing and so stimulating!
The cerebral will credit me on my work knowledge – different types of work and my knowledge comes from training. At the beginning he seemed to appreciate my intelligence. After that initial stage, things changed and I was not only reminded of the difference in intelligence but came to the point that I, myself, questioned if I had any intelligence at all. Also he had a special laugh he would throw in occasionally to add to his belief of my lack of reasoning.
He could provide such logic and reasoning regarding his words and actions against me that it made so much sense to even me that I couldn’t understand why I was hurt.
I will admit that I fed that monster of his: belief of his intelligence over others. How he knew so much on so many subjects that he could speak so intelligently still impresses me.
Getting There
I know what you mean. I’ve been in a relationship with mine since I was 16 and he was 17 – 45 years this December. Believe me those first 20 years were rough. He thinks completely differently than I do – very highly logical – and he made me feel like an idiot many, many times. He sees many levels deep and is aware of the motives and agendas of everyone around him. I’m more like a happy bunny hopping through a clover field oblivious to any hidden agendas. My default setting is to take everything and everyone at face value.
But there’s no denying that I have benefitted greatly from our relationship. Intellectual companionship is rather limited in our part of Kentucky. I really enjoy being able to discuss current events with him and gain different insights. Having him as a sounding board to test out ideas and help me understand situations with others has been invaluable to me over the years. It’s worth having to put up with his obnoxiousness – at least in small doses!
He’s 62 now and not as smart or as quick as he once was, but not as arrogant and obnoxious either. lol! I think to me, the most amazing thing I’ve seen him do was to play two simultaneous, blindfold chess games (where he never saw the chess boards) with two different people at the same time – while he was carrying on a conversation with a third person – and win! I actually witnessed him do that and it will never cease to amaze me. I have a good memory, but that’s just insane, to be able to keep all that just in his head.
I knew back then in our early 20’s that he had levels of intelligence that I could never match. At least if I was fated for my life partner to be a narc, I got a mighty damn smart one. I will be forever grateful for that mercy.
Wow, windstorm!
I appreciate your comment “At least if I was fated… ” as I feel that way about coparenting with a narcissist. I’m sorry that you have gone through what you have/do with your cerebral narcissist; I am impressed with the skills he showed but more impressed by your strength and positivity!
It’s great that you use his intellect that way! I have no doubt that you have helped him grow and be stimulated as much; although, I doubt he will admit it. LOL
Thank you, Getting There. I think my exhusband and I have both helped each other grow. He’d be someone else if he ever admitted that out loud, but he’s smart enough to realize it and that’s good enough for me. Have a great weekend! ❤️
I enjoyed reading the conversation here, recognize a lot. Thanks for sharing! xx
I am reading this book now. Wow!
It’s an excellent book! Really opens your eyes!