Cherished and Chastised

cherished

Understanding the narcissist is the key to achieving freedom from his or her manipulative wiles. Few people achieve it because the world view of the narcissist is distinctly different from that of other people. People make the mistake of regarding the actions and words of the narcissist from their own perspective. Once they regard these actions through the narcissistic lens then comprehension and knowledge can be achieved. How is this done? It is done by reading all about how the narcissist thinks and behaves, how he regards situations and why he responds in the way that he or she does. A series of observations awaits here which will give you further insight into the narcissistic mind direct from the narcissist himself and in turn you will gain knowledge. A useful and insightful tool that will assist you in grappling with the perversions and delinquencies of the narcissistic mind and thereafter enable you to achieve understanding and ultimately freedom.

 

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6 thoughts on “Cherished and Chastised”

  1. HG, thanks for all your insight, it really is invaluable for us non-narcs. I was never given the title of girlfriend with mine, even though we had a physical relationship, lived together, holidayed together, did all the normal household stuff together. He alternated between saying he felt nothing for me romantically and never would and that we had a closeness that was out of this world and he could see himself growing old with me.

    If everything is about fuel and control, why was I not given this title? As punishment? Also, 1st cycle 3 months, discarded for 3.5 months. Malign hoover, then hoovered back into relationship. He moved in a block away. Almost instant devaluation and discard 2 months later for new supply. I asked for friendship, encouraged his relationship with new supply, he said no to friendship and wants a clean break. Am I likely to be hoovered?

    1. 1. The withholding of this title was done to control, cause you to try harder and was part of devaluation.
      2. As for hoovering, it depends on the Hoover Triggers and the Hoover Execution Criteria being met.

      1. Thanks for the reply HG! If I was supportive of new supply when he told me about her and said he needs someone who cannot see through his mask as he has had a rough few months, is this also seen as me not trying hard enough? Is this why I was punished with no friendship despite him begging for friendship only days earlier?

      2. It is triangulation. Yes, as you know (or will discover) as creatures of expedience, we will do and say whatever is necessary (even though it appears contradictory) to get what we need.

  2. There is nothing you narcs have been through at the hands of narc parents or partners than what i have, but i came out an empath while you cowardly people became narcs. It’s your fear of facing reality, fear of facing your emotions, fear of facing the shame heaped on by narcs, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear that keeps you from ripping of your narcky mask and dealing with yourself. Instead, you choose to perpetuate and magnify the torment by passing it on to others. It’s all well and good that you educate empaths about the sick sad warped mentality of narcs, but it would be an even more worthwhile activity for you to finally mature and take down narcs, to finally protect directly where you and the rest of us were not protected. The greatest trait of empaths is caring and you exploit that, seeking to destroy those who give what you didn’t receive. It is not the fault of empaths that your narcky parents were cowardly tormentors. You seek to destroy the very source of your pathway out from the hell you mask by continuing to bathe your life in the same poison that imprisons you. How brilliant is this?

    1. Hello Leslie
      I hear your frustration and have thought similar thoughts myself.
      If I’m learning right, I believe it’s the narcissism, the defence mechanism itself, that stunts their emotional development and their capacity for change/growth.
      I do like your suggestion that HG take down some narcs. Some of the wankers like Putin, Trump, Kim and Dueterte would be a good start HG.
      A thought which often plagues me now is ‘how do we deal with these fuckers in positions of power?’ They’re everywhere and hold much sway in all arenas, at all levels. They’re not going to go anywhere without a fight…. to the death if necessary (other people’s deaths actually).
      I’ve been self absorbed in my own personal disentanglement and need to keep reading. At this point, my mind keeps asking, ‘if no contact is the best way to manage a narc on a personal level, how can one do that at on a more macro level?’

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