Own
I want to own you.
I want to draw you into my world. A world where my rules are the only rules that matter. When I first set eyes on you I make it my business to ascertain your suitability for ownership. You might only be owned in the sense of being a tertiary source which I interact with the once, but in that moment, I own you and I own the fuel that flows from you.
I wish to brand you as my property. My appliance. My plaything. I own you and this means that nobody else does. I have exclusive rights.
I may designate you the role of secondary source, should you make the grade and you become mine, subject to the unwritten contract that governs you and I. You are to be loyal, obedient, compliant and a provider of fuel.
If you are to be my primary source, that coveted position of supplier-in-chief of the most precious and desired fuel then you also must be owned. You must be subjected to my total and hegemonic control. Once I decide that you are the one, I will not stop. Once that light has turned green, once the first tantalising drops of your fuel have begun to be sucked up by me, there is no hope for anything else.
You must be mine. I must own you.
You at first think that I look on you with love-lorn eyes. Indeed I do as I turn my precious orbs into the mirrors which give you what you want to see. Behind their silvery gaze, my machined machinations are forming. I am absorbing how you smile, how your wrinkle your nose, how you play with your hair on the left hand side of your head, never the right. I listen to the way you say ‘scone’ – do you say it so it rhymes with tone or with gone? Every word that will come from your mouth will belong to me. I want to know everything about you. Every facet of your life must now belong to me. When my hand touches you and you feel that jolt of electricity between you and me, that is my connection with you as I begin to download your life.
It is true that I have already screened you, probed your life from a distance, made enquiries and observed before launching my take-over bid. I have done my homework but now I want to dominate, conquer and subsume. I must envelop you in my world for then I can be sure that you will respond as I require. Loyal, reliable and functional.
Steadily I drain your identity from you, consuming it for my own use. This is part of the process of owning you. I know no boundaries, I see no limits, I recognise no restraint. I have decided that you are to belong to me and thus this is what must happen with the steady and incremental accumulation of what you are. I am plugged into you, the ultimate parasite which sucks the life from you. Your money becomes my money, your house becomes my house, your friends become my appliances. There is no real me. There is no substance and thus I must steal what you are in order to give the appearance of substance.
The only way I understand to do this is to own you. Make you part of the fabricated world that I have woven. This dazzling fiction fools so readily and as I part the curtain and beckon you in to my wonder land, you accept and once inside you become mine. The real world is left behind. The real world of rules, standards, procedures and fairness is no longer applicable to you. I own you now and as a consequence you are subject to my capricious nature, the arbitrary application of my diktats and pronouncements. None of it will make any sense to you when you start to realise what it happening but it will be too late by then. Your assimilation into me will be so far gone that you may just well scream and the only voice you will hear will be mine.
My ownership means I tell you who to speak to and who to ignore. My ownership means that dress is wrong and that one is right until it is the other way around. Yesterday is tomorrow which becomes today. You think Josef K endured the Kafkaesque nightmare of nothing making sense? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
I must control everything. My space, time and the environment around you. This is why to you I seem to operate as if I have no concept of time, but that is because I do not operate to Greenwich Mean Time but rather Being Mean Time. I compartmentalise, shifting between worlds which must never connect, where the players and actors inside of them move to my direction. They dance to the tune that my invisible piper plays. I must not leave anything to chance. I do not like chance. It is the ruin of me. I want predictable and eventually you will come to realise that there are few who are as predictable as my kind. We bring excitement, we bring chaos, we bring drama but it is all so predictable. The same manipulations, just variations on a theme. Some of us have more strings to our dark cupid’s bow, but the poisoned arrows we fire all have the same effects. Control and fuel.
It is only by ensuring that we own you that we can be assured and convinced that you will do as we want you to, that you will not be disloyal or a traitor to us. We must plug you in to us and like some giant leech suck the very essence from you, taking your fuel, your confidence, your self-worth, your self-esteem and stripping you of them to ensure there is compliance and obedience.
I want to own so that I know I will win. I want to own you so I can exist.
I want to own you so that everything you do is as consequence of my decisions and my actions which ensure you provide me with my lifeblood whenever I demand it. You are on call and on demand, my primary source of salvation, the reason for my existence and I dare not allow the slightest chink of autonomy for fear of losing that control.
I want to own you to underline my superiority. I want to own you to remind myself that I am powerful. I want to own you so that it is repeatedly highlighted that I am the controller.
I want to own you to stop being the slave that I am.
146 thoughts on “Own”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I’m resisting turning on notifications for HGs posts…..trying not to go down the proverbial rabbit hole…. then I miss conversations like below!
Please excuse me… gotta whole lotta reading to do below…. there seems to be an accusation that Quasi is a narcissist??!! Trolling perhaps? Or plain stupidity? Whatever the case…
Fuck em, whoever they are
Nobody is suggesting that.
I eventually learnt that HG.
It wouldn’t have bothered me if you’d not posted the comment…. useless comment really on my part
Tappi,
It’s seriously ok lovely, it was me and my reaction to reading another thread. I have tried to explain myself and be clear that I read and perceived something that upset me Due to my interpretations of what it could mean. No one has said anything bad against me.
I fear I have not done the best Job of doing so. I don’t know how else to explain myself though.
I hope you’re well, and thank you for this expression of concern, I appreciate it. But please know that this is all down to me, my head and one apology that did not appear to be required but I felt the need to express at a moment in time.
Hey Quasi
I hadn’t read all the comments when I posted… had skimmed in fact… my tone came across as serious when it wasn’t at all…. I don’t turn on notifications for comments I post, and as there wasn’t much else to read at the time and I noticed in the recent comments menu quite a few ‘own’ comments, I went looking and found the below….
I will refrain from commenting before reading in future!
A serious case of Tappi jumping the gun… bang bang
Ha ha, yes Clarece.
It was be super cute.
I doubt Hg would approve.
Honestly, I would not approve of myself either on that one. Lol
I actually did it once for a friend, then she posted it publicly.
The one that makes you look like a deer.
The comments we got were funny though.
A narc once stated “I have to have this car” while driving my car. He said it as if I was not even there. It creeped me out. One of many creepy clues. Before I went no contact he saw fit to douse the interior in his cologne. Was he marking it like a dog HG?
Ever presence.
Thanks HG. Boggles the mind. No matter. Car is deodorized. Lol
Quasi, your posts are awesome as are you. xoxo
As empaths, we are highly sensitive to how our comments, words, facial expressions, the way we breath haha, effect others.
I think your compliment was sweet.
I mean *affects others…I am even sensitive to how my grammar is perceived! haha
Valkyrie how did you choose your name?
She went for a ride.
That’s very funny – it was one of his my ex narc s favourite characters to talk about from his favourite composer. And he called me one once. It gave me a chill to see it here.
Is there a particular message in this music that attracts narcs and if so what is it?
I always cringe when I reread a comment with mistakes I made..anyone else?
My original comment still has errors and my correction too.
Everyone does it, even HG, so I don’t feel so bad. I am not a stickler when other people do it, I assume they are in a hurry.
Always harder on myself…ah, the joys of overthinking.
Me too Valkyrie! Sometimes it takes me forever to compose a reply because I read, re-read, make changes, read again. You get the picture. I’m checking for grammar mistakes because I am a bit of a perfectionist where that is concerned. But I am more so concerned about how something may sound or be perceived by others. It’s nice to have the opportunity to apply a filter, unlike IRL where my mouth sometimes gets me into trouble!
Valkyries are from Norse mythology. They decide who lives or dies in battle and take the worthy slain to Valhalla. They are warriors and protectors.
I have used the avatar for a long time.
Thank you valkyrie, that Is very kind of you, and i appreciate your words and the meaning of them to me.
Valkyrie
Don’t stress, mistakes don’t bother me at all, mine or others. The most important thing is the communication, not the syntax, and to be honest I am so grateful to be in place where I can find the most accurate information about NPD and share my experiences/thoughts with kind and understanding people. Mistakes be damned.
MB
My mouth gets me in trouble, too, I don’t have a filter.
I would have missed this Quasi, if I hadn’t scrolled through recent comments.
And saw Windstorms comment,
Quasi, why do you think you are too overly nice and complimentary?
If that is how your personality is.
Then why would you change it all of a sudden?
I hope this is not In reference to my question to HG on another thread regarding those who lovebomb on social media.
I ask because you repeated words I used in my question.
Which had nothing to do with this blog or its readers.
I did say that on that thread.
I know other readers made comment on commenters here who love bomb each other.
But, they never mentioned any names.
But that was in light hearted jest,
Maybe that is what upset you.
I wonder why you would think this was related to you ?
If your behaviour is the same with everyone, regardless of stranger or friend or family.
Then that is just your personailty, not a false construct to gain fuel.
I wouldn’t worry or change who you instrincally are.
If it comes across as love bombing to others
Does it really matter?
Just be yourself.
Like a Windstorm said being otherwise would be disingenuine and not you.
Supporting others in a light carefree manner does make you a narcissist.
Lack of empathy does.
Ask HG, he will reassure you.
I also made a joke about love bombing and if that contributed to Quasi feeling the way she does I apologize. There have been many little lovefests over the years and it was meant as a joke and in general that empaths will be empaths and take compliments to the next level but our love bombing does not make us narcs. I want to be clear: It was not related to Quasi or anyone specific.
Dont make me stop making jokes. Its all I have left.
NA, please don’t stop making jokes. 😜
I thought the joke was funny too.
But that was a general comment
and I have seen Posters love bomb Hg too.
I never thought a specific person at all.
I guess, we don’t know how someone may be feeling when they read something and think it is about them.
All we can do is assure rightly or wrongly.
It is horrible to be left thinking something that isn’t true.
Thankfully, in this case, it was not related to Quasi at all.
I agree NarcAngel , we need jokes and levity here.
It helps, more then it hurts.
Everyone knows where your heart is and how much you care.
NarcAngel
“Dont make me stop making jokes. Its all I have left.”
😝😝😝
Quasi
If you read the following thread you will see an example where I teased someone else about their lovesfests. Its that damned Caroline-she’s just irresistible (but there have been many others).
Feb 21 2018 12:48
NarcAngel
“I feel like I’ve walked in on two teenagers heavy petting. No need to angst at missing each other. Its been discussed previously that this blog is like Hotel California-you can check out any time you like…but you can never (really) leave.
Hi Caroline-(I know youre still reading). I wish you all the best until we see you again.”
Do people sometimes interpret things according to their state of mind and not how they were written? You bet your ass. Evidence my Letter to the Narcissist (HG). I’ve had people mad at me for something mean I supposedly targeted them with and I dont even know who they are lol. So get back to being yourself and write me one of those epic monologue posts about how great I am.
See? I can’t help it-its part of my sickness.
NA, I love your insightful comments and your humor!
And how she advocates for the children.
Don’t stop NA!! You crack me up!!
As for love bombing – I thought it was extremely funny and touching when I saw the ladies doing this to each other on the blog. Shows a sense of humour and friendships being made – and there is nothing wrong with that! Keep going Quasi!!
OMG, Quasi.
That was meant to say does NOT make you one.
I need to proof read better.
Also, my WP is acting is when liking comments.
Sorry, all.
No worries I know what you meant.
Thank you, I reread and thought oh no.
Hi analise13,
I have always been honest on the blog so I will continue to do so.
Your question to HG on that article was a part of my ramblings here. Not your question itself but the concept of love bombing and the associated traits of a person who would do this.
Someone high in agreeableness, complimentary etc.
I am all of the things listed in your question in how I interact with people in real life and the blog, because I am real to who I am here. I know I’m not a narcissist, That was not my worry.
It was more related to the subsequent comments on the thread in relation to love bombing being observed and being noted on this forum between commenters.
I read this and perceived that it may be related to me as I have an ongoing banter with Caroline feels fine, in which I overtly love bomb her from time to time, I do this because she gets my humour and knows nothing more is meant by it.. we just make each other laugh and have our own little banter which helps me keep light .. when so many of my thoughts and posts here are so deep.
I also respond in a personal way to people here, when I try to give advise and support I feel what I say, and as such when I connect with people either through sharing experiences or supporting one another I write how I feel and that is often with genuine affection for the person. So my comments are full of validation and praise on their strength and compassion as I want that person to see how amazing they are, it’s full of care, because I genuinely care for that person even though I do not know them in real life and unfortunately probably won’t ever know them in real life.
I think the concept of warning signs in relation to people on line being these things as described in your question made me think I could be too much for people and it could be making them uncomfortable- hence my original apology to MB.
It did make me think and self doubt, as I don’t want my overt affection to make someone feel uncomfortable, as this can be a warning sign for narcissists so many here could feel uncomfortable with it.
It is down to me how I read the thread of conversation, it’s my perception at the time of reading it that caused me to feel affected by how I viewed it. It could have been completely unrelated to me, it is not the fault of anyone writing anything- it is all about how I read it.
I was in an already emotional mind and beyond tired, so as I said to MB, I know it’s me being sensitive and responding to it in a way I may not normally, if read on another day.
Analise I apologise if this thread has caused you to question your part in this, This was not my intent, and please know this is very much about what’s going on in my head and not what you have written.
Thank you for your comment here, that was very kind of you. I appreciate what you have said and again apologise for your feeling drawn into this by me referencing the terminology used in your question.
I appreciate honesty very much Quasi.
I am sorry my question contributed in any way to how you felt.
I was referring to love bombing in a different context.
Why I added that on the thread.
Exactly, being that way does not make you a narcissist.
Especially when you are high on Empathy.
So, I am glad the question response was not upsetting to you.
I actually took the subsequent comments to be about women who love bomb Hg On the blog.
Not between themselves.
I did laugh, as I found it funny.
Cause it made me think of some of the comments I read in past.
I truly do not think those comments were specifically directed at you.
There are numerous commenters who have forged friendships and engage in personal banter in the blog.
I never interject in personal conversations,
as for me even though a public blog,
it is still private conversation.
There is nothing wrong with developing friendships.
There is nothing wrong with being friendly.
Please do not overthink how you are,
it will only be emotionally destructive to do so.
I have never read any negative comments regarding you.
You are cheerful and humorous and friendly.
Those are all wonderful and empathic qualities.
I do not question posters motives or way of commenting.
Unless I feel they unfairly attack another.
There is nothing wrong with how you relate to others.
Please do not question this.
No one else does.
We all advocate and validate in our own way.
You should never feel you have to defend being a good person.
If people thought you were too much,
I would hope they would directly tell you.
That would be their personal opinion,
not a reflection upon how you are.
I see no evidence of how you are as a warning sign.
I see warning signs on the blog.
Thanks to HG good work.
But he often shows us through demonstrations of their own behaviour.
I avoid those.
Yes, I agree it is down to us how we interpret or misinterpret things.
But, I know if I was in same situation
I would be so grateful if someone told me
I was wrong and it wasn’t what I thought at all.
It would be a huge relief to me.
You did nothing wrong, Quasi.
Unlike narcissist, we are emotional creatures.
I can assure you, my question had absolutely nothing to do with you.
If nothing else I can assure that.
There is no need to apologize to me Quasi.
I was worried my question might have been the catalyst
I do not feel good that you felt upset at all
For any reason.
I am glad I could alleviate any distress by explaining my question for you.
My advice would be,
Allow no one or nothing you read should shake your belief in yourself.
Quasi, when you read the comments on the other article,
That made you feel doubt and distress
why did you not comment there?
To ask for clairifciation.
That is your right to do so.
I would not have been offended to explain to you.
If you had of replied on comments on other thread it wouldn’t have been missed,
But, immediately addressed.
I am glad to not have missed it and to help in any way
I can assure you it was just a question about things
I have noticed on soicla media and have occurred to me personally.
By suspect individuals.
I hope you feel better today and put this worry behind you.
It is always best to discuss things that upset us.
I know it helps me to do so.
Especially with others open to discussion,
Then we can resolve them.
I respect people who are able to do so.
So thank you Quasi.
Hi analise13,
I have just had this secondary reply, so my reply to your first reply is probably on now too..
that seemed abit tongue twisty even to type. Lol..
It’s totally cool, all is well from my perspective.
Q- why did I not respond to the comments on that article?
A- believe it or not I didn’t want to make a big deal of it lol…
I had an emotional response and a want to apologise to MB to ensure that I had not made her feel uncomfortable as I value her a great deal, and wanted to make sure that I had not been too much for her. As always I never have any expectations that people will respond to my posts so was a little overwhelmed by subsequent posts and responses. I honestly didn’t realise that one apology would blow to a thing… this was not my intention.
There is emotion in my posts because I felt emotion when writing them- but again that’s on me.
Another reason I did not respond to that thread is that I do not challenge / ask for clarity unless it is constructive to do so, I saw no constructive purpose in asking if the comments in the thread had any correlation to me. People are free to express themselves in my world view, so regardless of wether it was or was not (which has been confirmed to be not) be about me, I saw no benefit in asking directly, or constructive outcome. I also knew that I was in an emotional mind state and that it would not be of any benefit to heighten this. Although this inadvertently happened anyway, it was not my aim. My only aim was to reflect on how it made me feel and why and make direct contact with someone I wanted to make sure I had not made feel uncomfortable- that is literally it…
Thank you again for your kind words analise I do appreciate them.
Thank you for explaining why you posted in a different
thread to the offending thread.
That did confuse me initially.
But it did make me check that thread , so all is good in the end.
My wish for you is to try to stop doubting or second guessing yourself.
To trust if people think you are too much they will find a way to tell you.
Well, I think based On your concerns,
those comments were warranted to reassure you.
And it was wonderful to read.
I don’t see asking for clarification as challenging, based on the way one asks.
I certainly was not challenging you when I asked for clarification.
I hope it did not feel that way to you.
I like to know answers.
I do not want to leave to assumptions
or my own erroneous thoughts.
For me asking in a respectful way alleviates that doubt for me,
And I hoped would for you too.
That is valid point as well.
Asking when emotional often backfires the results we hope for.
I was not emotional, so it was easier for me to ask.
The positive outcome is that you now know others do not think of you that way.
That MB never even considered it an issue.
Because it is not.
I think it was MB who wrote to now put this behind you and move on.
I know I had taken some flack for my let it go approach
With my ex narcissist.
But, it serves no purpose for emotional well being to hold onto any thing that doesn’t enhance our lives.
When we know, we let it go.
Along same lines of HGs, GOSO.
Annalise and others, I’m one that love bombs HG and I’m not afraid to say it. I can’t help myself. The man is fucking brilliant and I’m in love with his mind. Forgive me for crushing so hard. I dreamt about him last night. Not x-rated. I’m still bursting with pride for him as I think about it. I’ll tell y’all if I get time. But I so hope that it comes to fruition!
Lol MB, I don’t think it was you,
unless you were here before me, pre 2017.
I was reading from the the archives.
Well true enough though.
You are not alone in that, are you?
No shame In admitting that behaviour.
I do not fancy Hg that way.
I just appreciate his knowledge.
So, no love bombing from me.
Sorry, HG.
You still have my utmost respect and admiration.
I am certainly not the sole member of the HG Crush Club Analise. He has a worldwide following. I hear he’s big in Japan.
I imagine that crush club is massive and smashing.
Big in Japan, I bet and he is always Forever Young there.
Some good retro throwback.
I had a rude thought on that big in Japan comment.
I shut it down.
Analise, be careful. It sounds like you might be starting to fancy HG a little bit. Welcome to the dark side girlfriend!
I will bring a flashlight when I visit.
Oh c’mon Analise13…let loose here just one time. You know you wanna 😜
It might just happen, Clarece.
Quasi, feel free to love me all you want. I need all I can get. It’s very nice to get compliments. If there is anybody on here that thinks you’re a narcissist, they need to read some more. (Although I don’t think that’s the case.) That’s a bunch of horse dookie. You’ve never made me feel uncomfortable. I get you, always have.
Hey MB,
For me it was never a thought that others thought I was a narcissist. As with many things I think this one has snowballed.. I’m glad I have not made you feel uncomfortable and you get me. I always have hope that people get me, but it’s always about perspective.
Lovely MB, another reason to compliment you when I see your beautiful authentic nature and care for others here, and highlight how awesome you are; is in the hope that you start to see it too- that is what I hope for you, to see what others see, and recognise it wholeheartedly.
Qx
Thank you Quasi. And now we put this behind us like we did that country north of the United States. (No offense NA-I’m sure you’re one of the best things about that place.)
MB
Put us behind you? Huh?
All that talk about visiting the CN tower and having empath adventures. I was naive and seriously was hyped up about it. Then HG reminded me that talking to one another off blog was not permitted for our own protection and my hopes were dashed. (I understand and agree.) There were some others that also had Canadian Narcs and were triggered with all the Canada talk. So yes, we had to leave Canada behind…for now.
MB, I was one of those with a Canadian narc also triggered by Canada, so I am glad we left it behind too…for now. There is lots of other stuff to talk about. Oh but then a job popped up for me in Canada. Right place, right area, right for me – too close to narc. Luckily, I am not desperate. Happy with the way I am living now.
SMH
So you denied yourself an opportunity because it would be close geographically to him? Is the pull or risk still that strong even if he has no way of knowing you are there due to having no contact?
Hi NA, Not really, though there is an actual and unavoidable risk due to one of his kids. But I’m not looking for a job. I have one I like and it allows me to live the way and where I want to live. I just thought it was funny/odd that it popped up because there are very few jobs in my field. It’s like the ads for Canada this and that popping up on my FB every time one of us would mention Canada in an email! Creepy/funny.
SMH, it must have been you I was thinking of. You are smart to wait for for the proper opportunity to come along. It will! Good luck in your job search.
Hi analise13,
I just re read my posts and thought about your questions again. I only used complimentary as a term used in your question to HG.
I didn’t name anyone or even the article I read the comments on.
My previous response to you is still my overall response to your queries in this post, but looking over the thread again I just wonder if it is just something we can all be prone to doing .
Reading something and thinking it may be linked to something we have said elsewhere, even when there is no names or other references to evidence this.
So yesterday I read the comments from others and yourself (re love bombing on the blog) following on from your question to HG on that article and felt that they could be referring to me.
This is how I read and perceived it and the result whilst in that mind set was what you have observed here. With my apology to MB as I had left her a complimentary comment.
Although I do take accountability that it is down to me how I perceive things I read and then respond, and not the writter of the comment.
Im just reflecting on this issue and wonder if your query to me is the same thing I did?
Reading my comments here and thinking to yourself that it may have related to your question and subsequent comments on the other article.
As stated my first response to you is my overall and honest answer, this is just a reflective follow up on an observation that maybe we can all read and perceive things as linked to us without particular evidence, and maybe it’s just that gut feeling that it is.
I agree we can all be prone to thinking that when emotional thinking overtakes us.
I have done it before as well irl.
But in this instance.
When I read the comments here and the words you used.
I immediately thought, is she referring to the question
I asked HG in the other thread or was it different thread.
So, I went back and reread my question
and determined it was based on words used.
Yes, I could have been wrong.
But, I didn’t want to chance not responding,
even if I was remotely right.
Because you seemed distraught.
I thought best to assure you my question to Hg
was unrelated to this blog.
And you.
In this situation I was glad I was right.
As otherwise if I hadn’t seen this comment thread you might wrongly believe it was related to you.
I just wanted to ask to be certain.
I did not want you to continue feeling as you were.
For me it was simple word connection relating to my question.
That was the evidence.
If that wording wasn’t there, as I wrote it too.
I probably wouldn’t have made that connection at all.
It is always best to ask when in doubt.
For me clarity is important.
I hope you feel better today Quasi.
And take readers advice to just keep being yourself.
Being true to who we are, is how we remain happy.
Hi analise13,
I’m sure I only used the word complimentary, but it matters not. You made the link and kindly sought to reassure me and I appreciate that.
As with anything my observation was just my perspective of a possibility, as human nature to respond when we link into something we interpret as relating to us.
I am fallible and totally ok with being so, I learn a lot from being as such. So this observation may well be a further mis interpretation through my lens.
I was upset but again not by what was written, but how interpreted it. That is not your’s or the other commenters responsibility- it’s mine.
How we view things through our lens if very much linked to our core beliefs- my wounds as it were, were judgement and ridicule, from my peers.
So maybe my core belief of not being enough or acceptable to my peers, caused this response to the comments, as they presented with a laughing at the people who do this, kind of feel. But again that’s how I perceived them, and not necessarily how they were meant.
I know your question was regarding other platforms, it was the other comments in different places on the thread that referred to this blog. As stated by NA they were in relation to a general statement of empaths over time on the blog, and no individuals in particular. I accept this to be the case as I have no reason to miss trust anyone who has taken time to engage with me on this thread.
I am fine today because I let go of my emotions yesterday, and allowed myself to explore what I felt, so I could understand why I felt it and reacted in this way.
I appreciate you taking the time to to respond to me and reassure me of your perspective.
I agree with other posts that I should probably take some time out to recharge …
Thank you again.
It is okay Quasi.
As you said you were using emotional thinking.
That is the difference.
I try my best to avoid emotional thinking here.
Have enough of it at times outside of here.
I am sorry for laughing. As I did.
And that it contributed to your hurt feelings.
But, not at a specific person.
As I read that stuff awhile back.
I definitely was only laughing at comment, not a person.
But, yes, I can understand if you correlate that behavior to yourself
and then internalize it as critical
And wrong behaviour to engage in.
It would bring on emotional thinking of doubt, self blame and embarrassment.
Which then led you to apologize to MB.
But, because no one else sees your behaviour that way.
MB was unaware of what you meant.
Because I had just posted my comment on other thread
and made that logical connection.
I knew what you were referring to.
I was not positive at time it was connected.
But, I more easily made the connection to what you said you read in another thread.
I will be more aware of how I comment and how others may interpret what I write.
Often I make my questions concise to be easier to answer.
I should be more detailed at times.
This is a lesson for me as well.
I do not think anyone was mocking you.
But that is just my interpretation.
Better that you know no one wasn’t mocking you, specifically.
I know when I feel overwhelmed I do not post in the blog.
I just read.
We are all different and need to do what not is best for us individually.
Don’t change yourself for others.
Unless what you do hurts others.
Which it does not.
But, also do not allow yourself to hurt.
It was best you addressed this for your own well being.
And you are good enough, Quasi.
You are supportive and encouraging to so many here.
Such a statement from others would be unutterable.
Try to let it go and maybe use this as stepping stone to ask questions when you feel a comment may relate to you.
Tell yourself, as I do, it is always better to know.
Truth seekers, we are.
I also apologize as my replies are quite lengthy.
You know when you start to write and then realize, I wrote a novel.
Analise13, I am the Charles Dickens of coment writing ( length not skill)..,,,,,,,….. ( that sounds dodgy), so I can say nothing about the length of your comments and would not anyway.
Thank you for taking the time to talk it through, and advise of your perspective to reassure me, it is appreciated.
Please remember that what I have been trying to say is that I am responsible for how I read and reacted to the comments, so please do not alter how you write here.
The reason I was thinking to change how I interact is because I felt it could be too much and because it triggered a core belief which is ages old. We have less control over this because they are core, and fed/ made by how we developed through experience. It triggered an old belief that I need to Be different to who I am to be accepted fully.
( remembering that core beliefs are internal and often far from logical)
But again this could be explored in my mind and identified as such, because I allowed myself to do so rather then feel something and then push it away or push it down. For me it is important that I recognise and understand why I feel so deeply and respond to things, it helps me to understand myself. For me this is in itself a way to reduce self doubt longer term, even if it means engaging in it for the Moment to better understand it.
This can be said for anything in life, we learn the most from what we experience directly. I have learnt a great deal here, reading on the site. Not only through the information provided in the articles and by other commenters but also through my expression here and understanding the correlating emotional responses I have had to things.
I appreciate your advise re- how to approach such a situation, and also to avoid posting when in emotional mind.
Although this may restrict me slightly ( possibly a good thing), as I have always and will always enable and myself to feel and use my emotional mind. Although most of the time it is balanced out with my logical mind when approaching most things.
My posts/ comments are a mix of the two, and they do make me who I am.
I have learnt from this experience too, as I have done with all interactions here.
Thank you Analise, I respect you taking the time to express your perspective, and appreciate your kindness.
That Dickens comment made me laugh, Quasi.
Humour is a huge blessing here and everywhere.
Yes, I do understand your point of how you interpreted comments.
Based on feelings you had from past and now.
I appreciate you taking time to explain as well.
I know we all must do what helps us most.
I do not want it to be misconstrued
By people thinking they shouldn’t be emotional.
Not be themselves.
If it comes across that way,
I only mean when being emotional causes self hurt.
Example : when readers become very angry and
defensive and spew nastiness to Hg and others.
That heightened emotion is not good for anyone.
Other then the narcissist on the receiving end.
I do realize we all need to release and vent.
But when I see that and experience that negative energy
I find it emotionally difficult/draining.
So I can imagine what they must feel churning inside them.
To react that way.
I feel the same when emotion is turned inward to another.
Self blame, doubt and hopelessness.
I do not want anyone to feel they are not good enough.
I agree, Quasi, introspection:
being aware of self,
what you feel,
why you react is helpful for the person
And those around them.
When we can master ourselves,
We will not be mastered by another.
Quasi, Everybody here can see that you are genuine. Some people are just more sensitive and more expressive of their feelings and you are one that is. You’ve always been very kind to me and others here. If the gushing isn’t for everyone, they can take it or leave it. That’s just who you are. It’s a different way of being. If everybody was the same, life would be so boring! I get, “you’re too nice” all the time. I’ve even had it said as “Needs Improvement” on performance evaluations at work! WTF!?! If that’s the only “negative” thing you can say about me, you must be digging deep!
MB
Me, too! I’ve heard “You’re too nice” all my life too. “You need to be tougher,”. It used to bother me but anymore I say, “I’m just me. I’m not changing who I am.”
HG
My narcs feel so superior that I feel that they will never hoover me. What happens when a narc has a vast fuel Matrix? It was I who break friendship With them and it must have hurt them, even if I was polite enough to say that I am taking a break from them (as a soft start). Since then they have not even asked me why I have taken a break from them.
Will they still contact a minion (I feel like a minion, even after many years of friendship with them)? I feel worthless as I was only used for fuel or favours, and secondly they are showing me that they don’t care if I remain their friend or not. They never treated me like an Equal or With dignity. They complimented me all the time but it was fake.
This behaviour is called “stalking” and harassment, plus some other things. Totally creepy and unacceptable. Anyone who has tried this with me, has been exposed and thoroughly rejected.
The last line is my favourite. At some point I will forgive. I will heal, grow, adapt, become wiser. He will always be enslaved.
On a side note, and because I don’t know where else to post this…
Who decides our little avatar thing, design and colour or is it just random?
Pea green doesn’t suit my skin tone. If I could have any colour, bright royal blue or turquoise like the sea.
Presque vu
I think the assigned gravatars are random. If you have a WordPress account, then you can upload any picture of your choice.
I see, thanks for your response windstorm 😘
I like the green PV. No two are the same. They are like snowflakes. That one was chosen especially for you. Embrace it. Accept that it was meant to be.
MB,
Please excuse the random drop in .. But you are a diamond lady … Your all kinds of wonderful,with one of the kindest souls. Thank you for all you do 😉. Qxx
Thank you Quasi, that’s really sweet of you to say.
Im sorry MB, reading elsewhere on the blog I can see that I may present as too overly nice, complimentary. I hope that this did not make you feel uncomfortable, and I apologise if it did.
It is just who I am but I can see that I should not be so, and it may be best going forward to change the way I interact here.
Thank you for your response though. I appreciate it.
Quasi. I don’t know what the gin has done to your brain, but this comment made no sense girlfriend. How could I be made to feel uncomfortable by a compliment? Why should you not be so “overly nice”. Whatever that means? compliments make me feel good, naturally. You just do you. Don’t change a thing!
I’m probably just being too sensitive MB. Reading some other threads of conversation on another article.
I’m ridiculously tired and overly emotional at the moment, so on another day I would probably think nothing of it, but it has affected me today. I think I have just got myself too involved, in trying to advise and help.. when really I know nothing. I have only known one narcissist so my opinion is bollocks.
I feel like I need to stop now, I am getting too affected, my little girl is only 3 and she doesn’t understand telling me to wipe away my tears, I can’t have her seeing me like this.
Thank you for your kind words about my kids winning the mommy lottery, I don’t always feel like I am that great, but I try my best and they know that they are loved.
Thank you MB, I appreciate everything you have said in your reply. It does mean a lot to me.
Quasi
You give away a lot of yourself here genuinely and it is loved and appreciated by all of the commenters (hell, even HG publicly valued you), but being that giving and wanting to respond with a personal and supportive message to each person who addresses you in addition to your own issues and feelings can be emotionally draining, and that may be contributing to what you are experiencing now in having a very bad day. You are very popular (and for good reason) but take some time for yourself to recharge knowing that we understand your affection and respect for us even when you are not able to respond immediately due to other committments (namely life). It is a two-way street and we are here to support you also. Take care. There is a better day waiting.
That was Angel NA speaking
This is Narc Na speaking:
Quasi
Snap the fuck out of it!!!
Angel NA- Thank you
Every word of your response is accurate.
I wanted to respond to everyone who took the time to read my poll post and to suppport them but it completely wiped me out.. the fact my kids wake up at 6am everyday regardless does not help but it’s my problem I’m up to wee hours on the blog or catching up with my work.
Narc NA – I very much liked and laughed at what at what you had to say too … it’s definitely time for me to snap ( the ****) out of it and get my ass to bed !
I thank you both 😁
Well said NA Angel & NA Narc! I think you’re on to something. She is giving a lot of herself here and Lord knows where else. Mommys work very hard. She also does therapy type work. Recharging is a wonderful idea.
Quasi
We all have down and depressing periods where we lose hope – well, at least I do. I’ve been fighting off suicidal depression routinely since I was 12.
Hug that little empath daughter of yours and let her love and natural cheer pull you up. Don’t worry about her seeing you cry. Crying is a natural part of life. Teach her that and that comforting others soothes their soul and helps them. And that comforting others will help her as well.
I was with my 5 year old granddaughter, my exhusband and narc son yesterday. They were “messing with her” (her words). My son said she was going to make him cry at one point and she said, “no, I’m not. Grownups never cry.” I said, “I cry. Doesn’t your mama cry?” She answered, “No, Mama never cries because she’s a grownup.” I found that very disturbing. This little girl is very empathic and I can already see signs of her becoming nervous and unsure of herself. It’s never good when we’re taught to deny who we are.
My little girl is a mini me.. definitely a little empath.. her heart is amazing, she wiped my tears away and hugged me. She told me it’s ok mummy you’re ok.
One thing I know for sure is that my children will be supported in their expression of emotions and they will know that it is ok to express what they feel.
My home is full of I love you’s, hugs and kisses, it’s your turn’s, saying what we are grateful for before we start our tea, and time together.
Thank you again windstorm, your really one of the most amazing people I have met here, I value every word you say and I know you mean everything you say. Qx
Beautifully said Windstorm! I agree that you should not be worried about children seeing you cry. Grownups are humans too.
Hi windstorm,
I had a thought re-reading this thread, I firstly wanted to thank you again for instinctively coming to my aid emotionally and supporting me. I felt the words which you wrote, which is why your words affected me so, and I was so gushy in my responses to you- which I meant also.
I really appreciated as always the way in which you heard me without judging me, and in part allowed me to feel what I felt, I clearly needed to do this as it had been building for a couple of weeks; and I had essentially exhausted myself.
I have felt a little embarrassed by this expression but also acknowledge that exhibiting a process of emotional mind is not necessarily a bad thing. People can read this thread and think woah she crazy ! Lol, or they can think yeah I do that , or damn I hope I never do that.. lol.
Or they may relate to the reflection and accountability taken.
I guess that may be why HG allows my ramblings on the blog, as we can learn a lot from each other and our expressions.
I can never truly regret my expressions on the blog, allowing myself to be voluntarily vulnerable here in this safe place, has been fundamental in my journey.
My head is so much clearer this week, I recognise why and how I reached that state, thank you so much for being here and holding out your hand of support.
Secondly I wanted to address my first response to you from this particular comment, regarding my daughter seeing me cry being a good thing in nurturing her empathy and ability to soothe. I responded in emotional mind set trying to say that I am hopeful that I am nurturing her empathy.
When I wrote about my home having certain attributes I was trying to articulate that I am trying to ensure that she and her brother have good attachments , that they feel safe, that they feel loved and learn love, that they learn values and courtesy in their interpersonal relations with people.
I am trying to provide them a home and connection to me in which they feel able to express their emotions, and learn what they mean and why they feel them.
When I re-read my initial response I thought it could be read in many ways dependent on the view of the reader.
I guess I just wanted to acknowledge this and re- define my actual intention, in expressing that I’m just doing my best to raise my children in the best environment I can give them, to express themselves, and so they can develop into the amazing little people they are meant to be..
Thank you again windstorm, thank you for your kindness, support and acceptance of me for me.. Qx
Quasi
❤️
Quasi,
Forgive me for jumping in too. I don’t know exactly what happened as I was away from this blog for like an hour 🙂 and it is hard to follow the threads. But you are safe here with everyone, certainly with me.
I was travelling today and I thought about your little girl seeing you cry. I said to myself, I am so much older than Quasi if she has a three year old, and I got teary at the thought of your little girl seeing you cry. So I wanted to tell you more of that story I told you way back when – of the bad thing I did, so you would know that it would be alright.
As part of that whole sordid ordeal, when my son was about five it crossed my mind to leave him with his father so I could move to another country to be with the crazy one. I never seriously thought I would do it, but it crossed my mind. When it all went south, I sat on the floor of the study one evening and cried out of despair and exhaustion. My little five year old comforted me as I clung to him. It was just the two of us and he knew instinctively what to do (little empath!).
He had a fine childhood and adolescence, normal ups and downs – much easier than I ever was. He is a young man now, handsome as hell, nice as can be, independent, caring, really chill. What happened when he was five and mummy cried did not damage him at all.
It will all be alright and you can cry all over this blog if you want to. It’s your party too. x
Thank you SMH..
Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it wouldn’t damage her really, as windstorm said it is good for children to see in some respects, she is certainly a little empath as is my little boy.
This particular comment was written in the midst of upset and I was writing what I was seeing and feeling. She comforted me in her beautiful and sweet manner. She is incredibly caring but also a little boss lady so I’m sure she will be set for confidence and good sense of self when she is a young lady. I certainly don’t want to dampen her spirit.
I’m 37, I had my little boy the day before I was 30 so late to start I guess. I still tell people I was in my twenties when I had him as technically I was 29 ( for 6 hours at least) lol…
I’m seriously ok now, it was but a moment. So there is no need for any concerns for me.
But I thank you for them anyway and for leaving me such a kind and lovely message. I truly appreciate all your words SMH, they have the capacity to touch my heart. Take lovely. Qxx
Please ignore my last reply MB,
It is my problem how I have read something and I should not be projecting my emotional crap on here or to you. I just need sleep and all will be well..
Even though this conversation is a pure example of emotional mind at its strongest, I still wouldn’t change the levels of emotional mind that I engage with, as it tells me what I need to work on.
This has told me that I have reacted to a perspective I have had reading comments on the blog which made me feel like I should not be who I am in a place I had always felt I could be. That is my problem and no one else’s. I just need to work out a balance so I can communicate more effectively here.
(And I should refrain from commenting when said emotional mind is at the helm.. because my emotional mind can also be an idiot..lol)
Quasi
“I should not be projecting my emotional crap On here or to you.”
Isn’t that what these comments are for? Goodness knows I’ve projected enough of my own emotional crap here. This is a “safe space” for emotional crap projection. Then we can heal and go out more safely out into the real world. I say project away. 😄
Thank you windstorm..I appreciate you saying this… Maybe I could create a bumper sticker for this – warning…. emotional crap projector at the wheel.
Qx
Quasi
Ha, ha!
Quasi, are you talking about the comments about the women love bombing each other? Every time I see my friend, we kiss on the cheek and we always tell each other I love you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with strong women supporting and loving one another. Never apologize for expressing your heart. Take a break, get some rest. And your contributions here are not bollocks. Even the boss regards you as a valuable contributor.
Thank you lovely MB… Qx
Hi Quasi,
You have a great presence here and are always considerate and insightful. We all have our emotional days. It’s called hormones! We can all relate.
Rest that weary head tonight and you’ll have a fresh perspective in the morning.
Thank you Clarece. I appreciate that.
Clarece, what you say really is true. I know people give women hell about their hormones and they seem to be blamed for everything. But I have found that there are times in my cycle that I am more melancholy and weepy and other times that I am anxious and restless. However, I never blame it on my cycle. I blame it on the moon. (Classic blame-shifting much?)
Hi MB! It gets infuriating especially if a man points out that our mood is solely being driven by hormones only. There are times, especially at work, that I save my not so pleasant tasks such as calling on past due accounts, specifically for my PMSy days. My best friend I work with, that we run her parent’s equipment company, have all sorts of days leading up to the event. We have our “water on the brain days”, where we are completely foggy, clueless and ditzy. The other one carries the weight on that day. We have our weepy days. On those we go for an extended lunch period and call it therapy. And then we have our “Do Not F*ck with me Days” where we will go instantly barracuda on someone if we don’t get what we want. The key is feeling it coming ahead of time so you can either medicate or plan your day with specific tasks to not get agitated. Nothing like a Narc to mess with that system.
I just saw Fuel days there Clarece.
Ding, ding, ding. HG, you are correct! You’ve probably been on the receiving end of one of mine (in a mild form – I haven’t had to go full throttle on you, yet).
Clarece
Quit it. Its gotta be hard for HG to read about all that fuel while using a laptop when hes got a boner.
Hey NA! I have to live up to the Super Tanker title. Just a little snippet in the life and times of MLA- Clarece. Should I change my profile pic to one with a duck face and snapchat filter with bunny ears and nose?😜
Clarece
Haven’t you and your bestie’s menses synchronized like Amy’s and Penny’s on Big Bang by now? Wait til you’re like me and have no cycle and are faced with the fact that you’ve just really been a bitch all these years. I’m just kidding.
I knew all along.
I know NA! We’re about 8-10 years away from having synchronized hot flashes in the office.
On our good days, we’re like Tina Fey and Amy Pohler. On our water- on-the-brain-days, we’re LaVerne and Shirley.
It’s wonderful that you ladies get along so well Clarece. It’s been my experience that more than one woman in an office can mean trouble at times. Of course I’m pretty sure I’ve run across a couple of narc women throughout my career. I didn’t know that was the issue at the time, but I do now!
Her and I have been friends for 24 years. I met her after I first got married and moved with my then husband and an employment agency sent me to her family’s business to cover for her while she was on maternity leave with her 2nd child. Eventually my husband and I moved to the Chicago area for several years. But I came back to the area and finally made my way back to them when they had an opening. There are long term, tentative plans to relocate the company to southern FL in about 6-7 years once my daughter graduates from high school. Then I won’t be tied to the land of corn and soybean fields. lol Her and I have been through first husbands, toxic narc relationships (I had briefly written about her during a 5 years relationship with a lesser alcoholic around the time I had first met JN and was seeing him the first few years). We’ve watched our kids growing up. Our families are friends also. It’s a rarity to find that. Having gone through tragedy together has definitely created a life long bond.
I love stories like this Clarece. Thank you for sharing. I want to move to Florida too! Gulf Coast side. St Pete/Clearwater, Pensacola, Naples, Key West…matters not!
I went to Indiana recently. You’re right about corn. It doesn’t make very interesting scenery!
MB,
I have wondered this too (if I’ve worked with female narcs in the past). I’ve worked in blue collar and white collar jobs and in both areas women were always the most petty, difficult employees. The more women in a given work setting; the more pettiness. I’ve always preferred working with men. The only place I’ve found male co-workers to be the difficult ones is in the arts – and then I’ve wondered if they aren’t narcs as well…
This is one of the few places, amongst Narcsite commentators, where I’ve been around many women without the ensuing pettiness – come to think of it…
WhoCares
I’ve worked with both men and women narcs in every job I’ve ever had. I imagine we all have. People probably just weren’t aware, because they weren’t aware of narcissism.
Windstorm – yes, I think you absolutely right; people just weren’t aware.
I always just stayed clear of the petty trouble-makers…but if they were that way because they were narcs – given a choice – I’d still take working with male narcs over female narcs. The latter are just nasty in work relations.
WhoCares
I agree. Women narcs tend to be very jealous of other women. I think that’s one reason they are worse to be around. I used to could just stay under their radar as a non-threat. But I can’t do that anymore. They pick up fast that I know what they are. Thankfully I don’t meet many new ones.
Windstorm – I hear you; I don’t think I work with any at the moment but I’m pretty certain, moving forward, that I would not be able to tolerate working with one.
I’ll take males to work with anyday narc or not. Men will tell each other to fuck off and then its done and they move on to whats for lunch. Women hang onto that shit FOREVER.
Amen NA! Peach it girl! Men are the best coworkers. I’m the only girl here and I LOVE it!
NarcAngel – I bet you could tell some good stories…
WC, I agree. Female Narcs are much worse. And we do all seem to get along well here. There’s an occasional flare up, but all in all it’s calm.
WC, I prefer working with men too. That’s good because I work in a male dominated field. They are easy to read and not petty.
I had a female narc boss at a job one time. We had a nice little golden period. But then…hell hath no fury like that evil bitch. I had to go. They weren’t paying me to walk on eggshells. I didn’t know about Narcs then, but now I do and that woman was 100% Narc!
MB – I’ve had some similar experiences…I worked in academia for years in a male-dominated department and I loved that job; the majority of the men were very reasonable, pleasant co-workers.
Ppssssst clarece, you appear to have been spot on with the hormonal thing too… i was so worn out I hadn’t even clocked where I was at in the cycle and well just yes! Lol
Crazy how a combination of factors brought together in one moment in time, can create such a strong reaction.
Thank you again for being so sweet and responding to me in this way, it was very comforting and reassuring as you normalised it abit for me too. You were right I did feel better the next day.
Hi Quasi! See us women can talk hormones with each other when we know it’s happening. Men simply cannot go there. lol
Clarece and Quasi
I saw a meme that read:
I’ve got PMS OCD and ADD
I want to cry and look pretty while I kill everyone, but I cant focus on that right now, Im cleaning.
That about sum it up?
True story from the life and times of MLA-Clarece.
Back in the spring, I had a pow wow with my daughter’s dad. This doesn’t happen too much since our divorce. We co-parent pretty well, but on occasion he can still get under my skin and this was a big one. I came to work and opened up the office and I get in first before the owner’s daughter, my best friend. We don’t have walk-in traffic, thank goodness for that. Couldn’t focus on work so within 20 minutes started a cleaning frenzy. Dumped out files from four filing cabinets, emptied out the fridge, pulled out many of the extra shipping boxes in our supply closet, had dust rags out. Then packing material with bubble wrap and peanuts spilled everywhere. When my BFF walked in, the place looked like a Tornado whizzed through. She raises an eyebrow, slowly slides off her sunglasses looking all around and says, “What’s happening here MLA?”
Me: “Um, Baby Daddy really upset me and I can’t work and I have all this nervous energy so I decided to do some overdue cleaning around here.”
Her: “Ok, you do you Boo.”
I am like Monica from “Friend’s” with the OCD cleaning at certain times… lol
Clarece
Hahaha. Very visual. An excellent example of placing your focus and energy elsewhere to keep from becoming consumed with thought (with the side benefit of a cleaner and more organized office). I would have laughed and left you to it as well.
NA fun fact: I am a bit obsessed with organization. I could spend all day in a container store and salivate at the prospect of reorganizing chaos and clutter. I’m a clutter nutter lol.
NarcAngel
Well, that knocks out you ever visiting me. If you saw inside my house, you might have heart failure! 😳
Windstorm
Not true. I would have a little angst, but then quickly reorganize it in my head to how I think it should be to function properly. Then it is as quickly forgotten. It does not detract from the person as I understand it is what they are used to and what works for them. And I never try to clean or suggest anything to organize unless it is requested (and many people have requested that of me). So set up the targets and I’ll be over for practice.
Nice Fun Fact NA! Where else am I going to work where I can still get paid to have a tizzy fit and go on a cleaning spree because I’m just “not feeling it” today? Lol
NA I am the same way “salivating” over the organizational items and the office supplies. I love the “idea” of it but not so much the follow through. It’s like running. I really like the idea of being a runner, but the follow through, not so much. I fantasize, but never realize. I use my “salivating” to put off doing the work. Hopeless procrastinator!
Something tells me, you’re a thinker and a doer!
Quasi
Forgive me from jumping in here. I believe this blog works so well as a support group because we
speak authentically in our actual voices. If we tried to be what we thought others would best prefer, we would end up being much less effective.
You touch so many here with your fun loving cheer and natural complimentary nature. That’s because we can sense that’s who you really are. If you try to tone down and change your style it will come off as less authentic and therefore less trusted. Not to mention we would all lose a wonderful source of upbeat cheer, open caring and happiness.
Be yourself, dear Quasi. Respond to us all the way you instinctively want to. You don’t need to change a thing. I, for one, hope you never change. You brighten my days. You are a true blessing just the way you are. ❤️
I don’t think you can ever know how much these words have meant to me windstorm. Thank you from the depths of my soul, I thank you. Qx
Quasi – I don’t think it could be said any better than Windstorm’s words:
“You touch so many here with your fun loving cheer and natural complimentary nature. That’s because we can sense that’s who you really are.”
It is exactly because you are so authentically you that your posts resonate deeply with people. I don’t know where it was said that you come off as too nice – but that’s ridiculous.
You’re one of my best examples here that encourage me to be my authentic, vulnerable self. Sometimes I hesitate with my comments because I think they are too ________…something…whatever. ..fill in the blank. Or that I’m not funny enough, educated enough blah, blah, blah…or someone else could offer better advice. But I have had it up to my eyeballs with judging myself everywhere else in my life (and with my narcs) and if I can’t do “me” best – what else have I got to go on?
Just do “you” and nevermind what other people say.
Who cares,
Thank you for your wonderful and very wise words. It was very much how I read something and a projection of self doubt- of being told my entire life that I’m “too nice” , you would not believe the amount of times that has been said to me in my life time.
I have Just written a response to analise at the top of the thread that explains my thoughts a bit more in relation to how I perceived comments on the questioning article, that has had a lot of active commenting over the last couple of days.
No one named me, it was purely how I read it so my problem.
Who cares if my being authentic, vulnerable and real to me encourages you to do the same, and this Has helped you in your journey… then damn right I’m going to stick with being real and being me..
I guess if someone finds me too much they just won’t engage in conversation with me right? They will stay clear from the crazy emotional one who says holler ! Whoop whoop!!
I am so very happy that you don’t stay clear of me who cares, that you engage In conversation and sharing experiences with me. Also just to confirm that you are funny, educated, kind, and so many More wonderful things… I very much like you being you too… who you are is amazing.
Qx
Whoop! Whoop!
Thank-you Quasi – your confirmations made me blush.
I certainly appreciate your feedback.
Quasi
You are amazing and genuine. It doesn’t matter if you have been involved with one or a hundred of HGs kind, your perspective is just as valuable as the next and could be the one that brings about that ah ha and I am not alone moment to another. Your comments are insightful, kind and genuine. Keep being the amazing beautiful you.
Thank you twilight.
I do not know where this comment will end up…finding the “reply” button to the exact message is an exercise in futility. I am usually on my phone…so I’m like scroll…scroll…scroll scroll scroll…ah the closest reply button…only 15 miles from the message haha
Yes ladies! I second or third or fourth the nomination on working with men. Don’t get me wrong, I love women, but I worked in an all-female lab once and I almost died from the bitchy looks and constant competition.
I like that men will tell you to your face the things that annoy them about you and you’re still friends. Women* will act sweet as pie to your face and talk behind your back. *not all women. Men have their annoying traits too though. Especially if they are chauvinistic.
I have 2 questions (hope you will leave them to be seen by others):
1. related to consultations – how can we really know that you won’t abuse one day the confidentiality (especially for mail consults) since you are then in control over us, right? 🙂 And if you don’t even care about people you know, why would you care about all these people you don’t ? I was thinking how , if I give you all confidential details by mail about my story, I will be given advices how not to be under the control of my Narc, but I am then under your control 🙂 knowing what you are capable of, I am bit worried and you will understand why.
2. Did you ever think that this blog can give you some day enough fuel to be able to change your behavior to the people around you? Seeing how much people got addicted to you and your advice, it must be a huge ego boost 🙂 Above all, you interact here mostly with people that have been abused in childhood in the same way you were and you can see that there are other ways to deal with it, without hurting others.
I appreciate your work very much btw.
Thanks for your answers
1. I have conducted consultations for nearly two years. There has been no breach of confidence. If I did, the system fails, I am not stupid.
2. No. I do not rely on this blog for fuel as I have explained many time previously.
I know that you are far from stupid, rather brilliant..I don’t recall the last time when I saw such addictive writing style… My question was more if “the end justifies the means” as you have stated many times before, why would that not apply to the confidentiality one day if you find it convenient. Don’t mind the question, it’s also a part of my healing process…I am in a stage where I question literally everything..
I do not know the people I consult with, therefore there is nothing for me to gain by breaching confidentiality and far more to lose by damaging my professionalism and reputation.
I let him possess me because I wanted to become a poem.
“Was it cruel if someone asked for it? Begged for it, even? She always begged. Even now, I could hear her whimpering for me. Christ, those noises she made. A one-way ticket to heaven.”
― A. Zavarelli, Stutter
I was an addict to his ownership.
“It wasn’t desire, it was biology. My body was adapting to the situation. Doing what it needed to survive. That, I was certain of. Because if I had liked it, liked the hands of this monster, that would have made me a monster too.”
― A. Zavarelli, Echo
I am a monster. I wanted this.
This blog post has been an epiphany.
Nicely put, Your Grace.
Way before I found this blog I suggested to my MRN that we part ways because we had different conceptions of space/time. It wasn’t because I recognized what he did as manipulative – I’m still not convinced it was deliberately so. It was rather that everything to him was so effortlessly seamless, even if weeks had passed and there was an ocean between us. There was no past, there was no future, there was no there, there was no here. It was so disconcerting. The only time we were in sync was in bed. At the same time, he was extremely regimented even though he demanded ‘spontaneity’ from me, and now with a year of indirect hoovers under my belt I also see the predictability…Nice one, HG, though a bit heavy on the ‘we are mean’ stuff. I am more convinced by the extreme compartmentalization – it must have existential effects because It really is as if you exist in two or more separate worlds. I know you will deny it but I really think you do suffer.
Yesterday the devil whispered to me, “You can’t survive the storm.” Today I whispered to the devil, “I AM the storm.”
HG, i don’t understand the bit I have no concept of time ?
We operate to our own timetable – you say we arrive late, we regard this as Challenge Fuel and reject it because we arrive when we want to arrive. We are unaffected by the fact we have not contacted you for days – you chastise us for such a delay, we see not such delay because it was necessary.
My Ex-N would say that I was her prisoner. At the time, I thought she was simply being cute. If I only knew then what I know now…
Thank you so much for all your insight, Mr. Tudor.
I’ve an interesting question for you, by the way. I truly believe I was married to either a midrange or a greater. Here’s my question:
Do you think a covert greater narc would go so far as to purposely get arrested as a way to discard his Intimate Partner Primary Source in the most painful way possible?
It is possible but one would need more of the facts to be in a position to form an accurate view.