Facebook Predator
What causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.
I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.
Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?
- You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films
I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.
- You detail your relationship status
It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.
- Ask me, ask me ask me
You know those statuses which read
‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’
Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.
These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.
- I miss you
Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.
- Frequent comment about events
You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.
- More pictures of animals than people
This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.
- Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing
You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.
- Sharing charity appeals
Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.
- Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.
It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.
- You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you
This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.
- Children are the future
A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.
- You don’t get many likes or comments
Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.
- Posts about your romantic partner
If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.
- Poetry
If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.
- Membership of support groups
Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.
The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.
24 thoughts on “Facebook Predator”
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Hello HG,
Could you give me a hint on that matter?
My Ex Mid Range (broke up with him 2 months ago and he moved out) changes his profile and cover picture on Facebook twice in less than a few weeks? I noticed this strange activity – strange because since I’ve known him – 3,5 years already, he has NEVER ever changed his profile and cover picture. He has never been posting anything either, had only a few posts for years…
Funny thing is that when we were together he was occasionally complaining how stupid and useless Facebook is and saying that he was planing to deactivate his profile (never happened, instead he was constantly friending girls and liking their pictures while we were still together /of course always had an innocent explanation about that / and anytime I opened FB, he was almost always active) . He even made me install another app where to chat, because of this “plan” (lie) to delete himself off FB – today, tomorrow, next year, whatever…. I never understood why was this whole fiasco.
I went no contact after the breakup , but I admit is not total no contact, because I keep on checking up his profile.
Now his last profile pic is when he was 20 years old and he’s currently 34… Funny, it actually made me laugh. I assume he is low on fuel or what ?
Thanks for your reply.
Regards!
Ema
I would not deduce anything from this in isolation. You are best served by stop looking at his FB profile because, as you know, this is breaching your no contact regime.
They always say Facebook is stupid yet use it 24/7 it’s an easy hunt for supply. He’s likely trying to make it look more appealing. So glad I’m blicked I looked once at his fake profile and I won’t be looking again
Dear Mr Tudor,
“Unfortunately faced” …. 😂
Well done Mr Tudor …. BIG BIG red flag !!!
Luv Bubbles xx
Unfortunately faced is a good one Bubbles. I like that one too!
Dearest MB,
I don’t have any “friends” on Facebook … only my immediate family and it’s just to keep up with them. I have private settings and a funny profile piccie (surprise) Haha
(The less people know the better ….. they’ll use it against you)
I only share funny memes with them … that’s it
I have “never” done any of the above in Mr Tudors article
Warmest wishes
Luv Bubbles xx
I must check mine.
I think I’m fine.
Predators playground, it’s interesting to see what is looked for. I actually think Facebook is worse than dating sites!
Every time I convince myself that the guy, with whom I just ended things, is not utilizing his narcissistic traits but that there are other issues, I read something of yours that eerily matches some of his behaviors and words.
I don’t have social media but was thankful of my very vague “profile” on a dating website I have yet to pay to use.
When I first read this I was just beginning to delve into narcissism. Fellow victim/escapee friend used to post ALL. Of her emotions online, only did certain selfies etc. I mentioned this to her and she stopped and at present is taking a social media break.
I’ve backed off every which way from Sunday. Including a new account with stricter settings and a far smaller social circle. Half the time I’m on here more than I am there and since I am woefully inept with technology Instagram, Snap Chat and Twitter are foreign to me. My time on here is definitely not wasted.
Dear Mr Tudor, I cannot thank you enough for your website! You are not only a fantastic writer but enabled me to become my self-confident self again and get my old life back before it was too late. I was suspecting something was off, felt and subconsiously knew that something about my relationship with him was not making me feel good, but couldnt pin-point what it was exactly because he had been the sweetest, most caring person when we met…I by chance stumbled onto your website and read some of your articles and was shocked to realize the similarities. Everything I had been feeling/thinking finally made perfect sense. My whole life had been turned upside down because ‘one of your kind’ had entered into my life. I turned into a different person, worn down, unhappy, insecure etc and ended a decade-long relationship for him. I consider myself the luckiest person that I came across your literature and that my partner is the kindest person, took me back and forgave me for what happened. In addition to being very grateful to you, reading your articles is very intriguing. It’s truly fascinating to learn and get insight into how you think and function as person. I am a scientist and curious by nature and will continue to read your blog and books even if I am very much done with the person that has caused me a lot of pain, anxiety and energy. If I may ask you a question out of curiousity: The guy I was involved with told me three of his four girlfriends that he has had so far were in a relationship when they met him and ended it for him (which may or may not be true). Are woman currently in a relationship a desirable target for you?Have you ever specifically targeted woman in such situations and would that give you a big deal of satisfaction and a superior feeling if a someone ended a relationship for you?
Many thanks for your reply and I’m hoping for many more interesting articles from you, thank you again!
Thank you for your compliments.
1. Yes, there is the potential for two fuel streams.
2. Yes that has happened. It would provide some Thought Fuel, but it is the reaction of the parties which is of greater consequence as Proximate Fuel.
It is interesting— I have never really been trolled on FB- however- I very seldom actually post anything ‘personal’. I started my FB to try to market my book ( I hate social media and my real friends know who I am seeing, where I am vacationing and what I am doing). I have never been one to want attention- frankly I am an introvert and get more attention that I like or want in real life. However- it is on LinkedIn- where I feel I have been trolled- ladies- be careful of the ‘doctors without borders’ trolls! Those are what I have gotten—- really? A French doctor from the Sorbonne wants to ‘friend me’ ??? Nope, I do not think so, there is no way in real life I would show up on ‘his’ radar! Then I got three of them in one week- exact same profile- experience– cut and paste for sure! Deny— deny and deny— then send in message for spam! If someone shows up– WAY HIGHER than you on your food chain (you know where you are) be suspicious!
Interesting. My facebook page has always been very private. If it wasn’t, this post would be enough to change all my settings. It was very enlightening to be educated on how your kind interprets what we post. Thank you. I also now understand why my ex liked his facebook so much.
Thank you- I modified my FB page!!!
How apt, the greater narc I recently dealt with uses FB and Instagram as a supply source of women. The Madonna women are the one’s he leaves comments under their photos, side sluts and whores as I was, he only will click like on their profile photos and such. So so predictable, sending messages, propositioning friends of friends and so on.
My mid range targets 2 kinds of women:
1. Women who are successful in their area and are proud of it. He has a problem with seducing them, they have got a lot of attention elsewhere so he writes to them but they are not interested or just keep it casual. He dreams about these women and he would like to seduce them very much but, not this time, dude.
2. Women with only selfies, depressed types with lots of tattoos, lonely, troubled souls – he ends up with them, they are happy he is giving them so much attention.
So he is so unhappy, he never gets what he really wants.
Yes, the same is true for my mid-upper mid ranger. Hes tragic.
That’s the sad reality of the addiction. How empty they must feel by themselves, and empty and deeply lonely in the company of others.
Ross Rosenberg describes the deep existential loneliness well.
To have to be with people all the time, and especially people I would have to pretend to like, it sounds like a part of hell in Greek mythology.
How exhausting to be on the endless hamster wheel of addiction. Never reaching a place of attainment of the goal, or of contentment .
Caroline
Are you talking about the empath or the narc?
I lived on the hamster wheel of ‘am I good enough yet?’. A state of low-grade depression and disconnection, low self esteem, and despair of ever feeling any differently.
I feel deeply sad that the N has to prostitute himself to try to meet his needs of feeling like he matters, and to keep that creature of existential loneliness out of his field of vision. Where is the human dignity in that? It doesn’t meet the need for closeness and connectedness. It perversely keeps the N as his own appliance. As a commodity to be used and abused.
Having been abused, I am ferocious in defense of human dignity. Human trafficking makes me angry, and I’ve learned from HG that the N will traffic himself.
My empath-spectrum-addiction was to perfectionism, people-pleasing, and to sugar as a mind-altering substance. These were my empath’s means for keeping the creature down in the subconscious realm. That creature is just as much a formidable opponent to be wrestled with for the empath with a self-love deficit. I’ve managed to conquer the sugar addiction three years ago, once I could see it for what it was.
HG, I thought I’d posted a reply to NarcAngel (before the one @2104 hrs) and it seems to have disappeared into cyberspace. Do you have any trace of it? Thank you.