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POLLHG WANTSTO KNOW

How did the formal relationship with the narcissist end? Whether it was a romantic, social, work, business or familial entanglement what brought about its conclusion? Did you tell the narcissist friend you no longer wanted to be friends? Perhaps the narcissist said nothing to you at all and you learned he or she was parading a new partner around town? Maybe that narcissist relative stopped communicating with you and never replied to your calls or messages? Perhaps you imposed a total no contact on that narcissist colleague and moved jobs? Whatever it might have been and no matter how many times it occurred, select the relevant circumstances from the list below and as ever do expand on the circumstances and your thoughts in the comments section.

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How did your formal relationship with the narcissist end?

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A VERY ROYALNARCISSIST

On Saturday 19th May, Rachel Meghan Markle (“RMM”) will marry Prince Harry and this forthcoming union is attracting just as much attention for the debacle surrounding the bride’s family as the event itself. I will be far more interested in the FA Cup which takes place on the same day, but one cannot avoid the repeated mention of the forthcoming royal nuptials and thus Miss Markle comes under scrutiny.

Is she a narcissist? Her half-sister, Samantha Markle certainly thinks so as she has been particularly outspoken about RMM calling her

a narcissist, a shallow, social climber”

She has also criticised RMM for failing to provide any emotional or financial support to her and RMM’s father once RMM became famous. Others have described Samantha Markle as being jealous and exhibiting a sense of entitlement. Are Samantha’s remarks accurate and demonstrate what RMM is and those attacking Samantha are the coterie and Lieutenants of RMM, as they attempt to limit any damage and discredit Samantha or are they the remarks  and the ramblings of a jealous sibling? It is difficult to assess in isolation. However, it is interesting that Samantha chose such a description. If she wanted to insult RMM she might have chosen other unpleasant descriptions such as branding her a whore, a gold-digger, stand-offish and such like. Thus, might there be some grain of truth (when viewed cynically) in what Samantha Markle has said?

Samantha Markle also commented that RMM watched the royals on television when young (hardly anything unique in that) and that RMM preferred Harry as she has a soft spot for gingers and it was always her ambition to be a princess. It is hardly a revelation that a young girl wants to be a princess, many do aspire to that dream as part of their childhood and drop such a notion as they grow older.

Other family members have not been shy at expressing their opinion about RMM. Her Uncle Michael Markle stated

I’m upset and surprised about not being selected but if they don’t want me there, then I don’t want to go.”

Half-brother Tom Markle Jnr remarked

She’s torn our entire family apart. She’s clearly forgotten her roots.” 

He claims he sent her a congratulatory letter on her engagement which was not replied to.

Two other uncles have been snubbed, one a bishop (admittedly of his own church) and the other a retired US diplomat. It appears only two family members of RMM have actually been invited and the farce surrounding her father’s attendance/non-attendance on her wedding day has clogged-up many a newsfeed. It transpires that it is her mother Doria Ragland who will attend and give RMM away. Her mother has only arrived in the UK three days ago where one might have expected a longer attendance given the high-profile nature of the wedding. Did she not want to come sooner or was she not permitted to do so?

Is it the case that RMM is surrounded by a dysfunctional family and thinks it better that they should not attend or is it the case that whilst her family may have their issues they wish to share in RMM’s happy wedding day and would do so without complication, but RMM sees their attendance and involvement as embarrassing, a reminder of where she came from (which she wants to forget now she is in the rarified atmosphere of royal life) and thus is most content to keep them an ocean away and uninvited? A caring individual would most likely invite family because, well, they are family. Yes, the odd relative may not be invited for cogent reasons but to only have two family members attend does smack of a calculated decision to keep them away because they no longer serve any purpose and would damage RMM’s image. If so, such behaviour is in line with the narcissistic behaviour of maintaining a particular appearance and cutting people off quite readily.

Such a conclusion gains credence with the revelations from former friend Ninaki Priddy who was friends with RMM for thirty of RMM’s 36 years on the planet. Miss Priddy commented

Meghan was calculated, very calculated in the way she handled people and relationships. She is very strategic in the way she cultivates circles of friends. Once she decides you’re not part of her life, she can be very cold. It’s this shutdown mechanism she has.”

Miss Priddy’s observation, if accurate, paints a picture of significant narcissistic behaviour by demonstrating

  • calculated behaviour to achieve an aim
  • friendship is developed for ulterior gain, not for the friendship in itself
  • the switching behaviour – white to black
  • the swift execution of such behaviour evidencing a lack of empathy

Having been a friend for such an extensive time period Miss Priddy must have some basis for the remarks. Might she however be a jealous friend? Her friendship ended with RMM owing to the way RMM treated her first husband, Trevor Engleton. A disapproval of such behaviour does demonstrate empathy on the part of Miss Priddy and lends credence to her credibility with regard to her observations.

RMM and Mr Engleton were together for six years and married in 2011. Soon after, RMM achieved her breakthrough role as an actress in the series ‘Suits’ and moved to Toronto. Mr Engleton was the one who travelled back and forth from California to Toronto to support his wife. He put in the miles as he shuttled to and from RMM with no suggestion she reciprocated. Not withstanding his dedication, the marriage did not last long and they split and divorced in 2013. Mr Engleton commented that the split “came out of the blue” and that RMM posted the engagement and wedding rings back to him to show it was over. Did RMM disengage from Mr Engleton without explanation, just relying on the symbolic act of returning the rings? If so, such haughty and dismissive behaviour would accord with the behaviour of a narcissist.

Miss Priddy explained that once the nuptials had been secured between the two, RMM behaved “like a light switched off”. This is further indicative behaviour demonstrating that once RMM felt her relationship with Mr Engleton was secured through marriage, she had control and therefore need not behave towards him in a favourable way, in other words, the golden period came to an end. Apparently, RMM had commented about Mr Engleton previously

“if anything were to happen to [Mr Engleton] she wouldn’t be able to go on”

Yet, RMM ended the marriage. Of course people’s feelings can change, but there was no suggestion that Mr Engleton did anything to invite such treatment, on the contrary he remained a faithful and devoted husband, but it appeared he had outlived his usefulness and with RMM’s career rising and in the ascendancy he was no longer required and thus jettisoned with familiar callousness and swiftness which is the preserve of the narcissist.

During her time in Toronto, there were suggestions that whilst married she became close to a Michael Del Zolte, whether there is any substance in this is unknown. It was also rumoured she had a fling with the golfer Rory McIlroy but again this is unconfirmed. If those suggestions were true then this would accord with the behaviour of a narcissist who has no concern with regard to infidelity and serving a sense of entitlement. Indeed, if this was the case then with Mr Engleton secured by marriage and ensconced in California, he would be in devaluation as the Intimate Partner Primary Source and it would not be a surprise for Mr Del Zolte and Mr McIlroy to become ensnared also as Intimate Partner Secondary Sources. However, the extent of any veracity with regard to these rumoured extra-marital relationships remains unconfirmed.

It is however confirmed that following the end of her marriage, RMM moved on to Canadian Chef Cory Vitiello and the pair dated through 2014 to 2016. Further comment has arisen that her relationship with Prince Harry arose whilst she was still with Mr Vitiello and she then ended the relationship with him because Prince Harry was in the picture. If accurate, such a shift from one person to another, especially one which would be regarded as a ‘trade-up’ in terms of wealth, status and position would appeal to a narcissist. Of course, people do move from one relationship to another with some overlap and this is not in itself determinative of that person as begin a narcissist, but such behaviour, which is ultimately self-serving and selfish whichever way it is looked at, is not flattering and when added to other indicative factors, then the evidence begins to mount up.

RMM and Prince’s Harry’s relationship has naturally been well-documented and they became engaged after just 18 months of meeting. Some may see that as rather quick, but it is not unduly hasty and certainly many narcissists would outstrip that time period with room to spare.

A number of RMM’s behaviours certainly weigh against her in terms of narcissism –

  • She was a stripper ( a role, as with being an actress that appeals to someone with high narcissistic traits even if it does not make them a narcissist)
  • She stated she was a stripper on her CV, clearly unconcerned about how that would appear – evidencing a sense of entitlement and lack of accountability
  • The reference to her being a stripper was then later removed from her CV as she began to move in more refined circles – facade management
  • Her body language in interviews and engagements with Harry has shown her to stare at him for an overly long time, clasp his hand and place her hand repeatedly on Harry’s back (the Trump power pat) all of which denotes a desire to dominate and signal that she is in charge whilst no doubt using plausible deniability to reject such an accusation by claiming that she is being supportive
  • There have been suggestions that she has not actually graduated from North West University although claiming to do so – if so, this is the grandiosity, telling of lies and stage management that narcissists engage in
  • Mirroring – she wore a blue bracelet identical to Harry’s and has repeatedly worn outfits and also adopted poses mirroring Kate Middleton (the Duchess of Cambridge), Princess Diana and Pippa Middleton. The photographs and footage show this repeated narcissistic trait.
  • Allegations that her wealth is over-stated. She is said to be worth US $ 5 million yet was living in a poor area of Toronto in property apparently paid for by the studio responsible for suits – if this is correct this show grandiosity and facade management
  • Touts herself as a feminist and taking up progressive causes, caring about mental health however was content to wear a £ 56 000 engagement dress (so much for being a humanitarian), has apparently done nothing to assist her own father who has health issues and as for her commitment to progressive causes so far this appears to have been writing a letter aged 11 or thereabouts to a soap company complaining about a sexist add and writing a piece for Elle magazine about her struggle concerning her racial identity. Hardly a litany of fire-brand commitment and therefore evidence the hypocrisy, facade management and fake empathy of the narcissist.
  • She has expensive tastes and likes to show off her connections as evidenced by the list of famous friends and high end products which existed on her Instagram account before it was closed down – again grandiosity
  • Prince Harry has never met her father which seems a very strange step given he is the father of the bride and Prince Harry has no difficulty in travelling around the world. Does RMM want to keep those troublesome facade damaging relatives away from her target perhaps? The typical narcissistic behaviour of compartmentalising their lives and isolating perceived troublemakers.
  • Many of Prince Harry’s childhood friends have not been invited to the wedding but many celebrities have. One doubts this is Prince Harry’s doing but rather the actions of a controlling and calculating mind who does not want reminders of a world she did not occupy and instead prefers to fill it with vacuous status-boosintg celebrities who are only really there to say ‘look at me’ anyway.

The cumulative effect of these behaviours, the treatment of family, the intimate relationship pattern (especially towards her ex-husband) and the observations of a longstanding former friend do cause the conclusion that RMM is a narcissist, to be reached. All of the above, some of which are confirmed and others remain speculative as stated, if all taken to be accurate demonstrate

  • A sense of entitlement
  • A lack of empathy
  • A lack of accountability
  • Black and white thinking
  • Use of inter-personal relationships as devices for self-gain
  • Lying
  • Grandiosity
  • Haughty behaviour
  • A manufactured version of self
  • Facade management
  • A desire for recognition and response (fuel)
  • Switching
  • Compartmentalisation
  • Isolation

All of which support RMM being a narcissist.

This conclusion is also heavily supported by Prince Harry himself. This is a man who lost his mother in tragic circumstances and at a very young age followed his mother’s hearse with the eyes of the world on him. He has faced repeated rumours about his real father not being Prince Charles but James Hewitt. It is clear that these experiences have had a significant impact on him and would suggest he has suffered some form of damage, a trait which is attractive to the narcissist.

Prince Harry no doubt has a significant extrovert streak. He is not academic but is industrious, well-liked and enjoyed something of a reputation as a party prince. However, be under no illusion that those in the upper echelons of society have always enjoyed a good knees-up and engaged in substantial bacchanalian excess – the difference then was the world’s media and social media was nowhere near as brazen and intrusive. Furthermore, those around the royals were far more discrete. Prince Harry is no different to many of his family and ancestors – he has just been seen enjoying himself raucously rather than it be hidden.

Prince Harry is an empathic individual. He has inherited Princess Diana’s caring and empathic traits. He has evidenced this through his career in the army, his establishment of the Invictus Games and charity work such as his trek to the south pole. He admires Kate and William’s settled and stable family life – contrast this to his own childhood – and it is patently clear that this vivacious man is one of empathy who craves the establishment of his own settled life and his various traits are a magnet to the narcissist.

The traits and behaviours of RMM, coupled with her selection of Prince Harry and his own traits confirms that come Saturday 19th May, the Very Suited Narcissist will achieve her childhood ambition and become a royal and so with it the creation of a Very Royal Narcissist.

 

twenty-deflections

The lesser of our kind is a creature of instinctive reactions and knee-jerk responses. In common with all our kind, he or she must always avoid blame and swerve accountability. Denial is often used by the Lesser Narcissist to achieve this with a blunt rejection of the comment that you have levelled against him or her and if you persist you will invariably find yourself on the receiving end of some heated fury in order to beat you down from asking your questions and apportioning blame. The Lesser Narcissist will offer denial with little or no supporting evidence. It is not a topic for discussion any longer. The lesser will also engage in the art of deflection. He or she does not think carefully being launching these phrases and comments in a bid to deflect the nature of your questions and accusations but rather they are an immediate response. Indeed, they will often appear to be raised out of context, appear to be non sequiturs and even almost nonsensical. They are not to the lesser. In his world these are instinctive responses which he or she has to come out with on order to deflect your questioning of them. Your questioning creates unease and discomfort and the lesser will issue these phrases from a stockpile he or she keeps. They lack the higher function to think of a high-calibre response which brings about deflection but instead utilise these phrases below in a “one size fits all” approach. They will be hurled back at you, often with venom attached, a standard response to what you are saying to the Lesser Narcissist. Expect to hear them may times in the course of your dance with the lesser. He is not capable enough of conjuring up new ones and relies on these “old faithfuls” to deflect the force of what you are trying to achieve. The deflection at this level works usually by causing disbelief and confusion on your part. You like everything to make sense. You like things to follow an order and be logical and therefore these stock responses will make you stop in your tracks as you try and figure out either what is actually meant by them or if you understand the thrust of the comment how on earth they are applicable to what the discussion is about. This is the beauty of these deflecting comments for the Lesser Narcissist. He cannot think up clever or articulate responses but he does not need to because there are just as effective in halting you in your tracks. They may not always result in your behaviour being questioned (as is more the hall mark of the deflecting comments of the Mid-Ranger of the Greater Narcissist) which then takes the conversation of discussion in a different direction. These comments however fulfil the aim of stopping the discussion going in the direction it was and indeed cause it to veer off at an improbable tangent into the reams of confusion and bewilderment. That does not matter to the lesser, as long as the attack, the criticism and/or the questioning stops goes elsewhere and his accountability remains unaffected. So long as your response provides him or her with a fuel, the comment need not be magnificent or well-constructed. Here are twenty stock deflecting comments used by Lesser Narcissists.

  1. You’re nothing special yourself you know.
  2. Why do you have to use dictionary words with me? 
  3. I’m not stupid you know. Why do you have to make me out to be stupid?
  4. I don’t care what other people do, they are idiots for thinking that way.
  5. You’ve been reading too many books.
  6. You think you are so clever don’t you?
  7. Why isn’t my dinner ready?
  8. Been listening to her again have we? I can always tell when you to two have been talking.
  9. Can a man not get some peace in his own home?
  10. You sound like your mother.
  11. I’m going out.
  12. Why aren’t you ready?
  13. You should know your place.
  14. You talk too much.
  15. You never listen to me properly.
  16. Never mind me, what have you been up to eh?
  17. I know what you’ve done.
  18. You can’t judge me.
  19. Fancy words don’t make you right you know?
  20. Since when did this house become a court room?

 

the-portentous

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.

the-three-letter

It was your devotion and belief in a four letter word that led to you being targeted by us and thereafter ensnared. That was not your fault. We look for those who want love, who believe in love and dedicate themselves to the pursuit of the provision and receipt of love. Love is what caused you to appear on my radar. Love caused my antennae to twitch. Love made me lock my sights on you and commence the bombardment. Yes, love brought you to me but it is an even smaller word which prevents you from escaping. This tiny word packs plenty of bang behind its three letters. It is a word which punches above its weight. This word is one of qualification, hesitation and reservation. It causes hearts to sink and hearts to hammer in anxiety. It dashes hopes and puts in place obstacles and hurdles. This little word is one which prevents you from breaking free from our grip. It allows excuses to be made for our behaviour. It puts the brakes on, it weighs the anchor and digs in the heels. Just when you thought that you might be making some progress and getting away from our vile influence, this word appears and brings everything to a screeching halt. We often deploy this word in order to halt you when you are trying to speak. We add it to our conversations in order to protest or to create a condition precedent in order to irritate, upset and annoy you. It conveys indignation, annoyance and surprise. So much flows from such a small word. Whilst we have multiple uses for it, its primary purpose in keeping you where we want you, in our grip, confused and bewildered arises from your use of this word. You say it many times by reference to us and its effect is to cause you to question yourself. It nullifies the progress you may have made in moving away from our polluting influence. It hinders, distracts and ensures you remain bogged down. This word is repeatedly used by you, with reference to us and if you consider how many times you have used this word yourself, you will agree that its effect is considerable.

What is this word?

But.

There it is. Look at that word. Three letters. That is all it comprises of. No grand, long word. No multiple syllables. To the point. Blunt. Effective. Small, unassuming and common. But it carries with it so much power and especially so in respect of the dynamic between your kind and our kind. This is the word which paralyses, hinders and traps. You use it all the time. We know you do. We rely on you doing so to make these traps for yourself. There are many of these traps.

“But he can be so lovely at other times.”

“But I am sure he didn’t mean it.”

“But sometimes I upset him.”

“But we have been so happy together.”

“But he said he wanted to marry me.”

“But it just doesn’t make sense.”

“But if I perhaps try a little harder then everything will work out okay won’t it?”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But why does he do that?”

“But what causes him to say those things after everything I do for him.”

“But all I need is to understand what makes him do that.”

“But if I give him another chance, I am sure it will succeed this time.”

“But if I don’t try, how will I know?”

“But we are soulmates, that is what he said.”

“But what I don’t understand is why he does that when he tells me loves me?”

“But this is what I want. Him and me.”

“But there are times when we are happy.”

“But he is just misunderstood.”

“But we always do things as a family.”

“But he is my son.”

“But she is my mother.”

“But he is my husband.”

“But I don’t want to upset her.”

“But I don’t want to lose him.”

“But I cannot stand it without him.”

“But I don’t know what to do next.”

“But whatever I do, it is never good enough.”

“But if only he would listen to me and then we could sort it out.”

“But if he could change, then everything would be brilliant.”

“But what if she makes him happy instead.”

“But if I stop now, everything else that I have done will go to waste.”

“But doesn’t everybody have a rough patch?”

“But who will believe me?”

“But where would I go?”

“But what would I do for money?”

“But if you would just try for us.”

“But if I don’t give him another chance, I will always regret it.”

“But you don’t know him like I do.”

“But this is what is meant to be, her and me together forever.”

“But sometimes I am so happy because of him.”

“But if you would just let me speak.”

“But why do you do this to me?”

“But I love him.”

How many of those have you said to yourself or to a friend? How many times have you started a sentence with those three words? How often have you sat crying and in between sobs muttered phrases like those? How many times have you pleaded with us using that word as part of your desperate begging? Many, many times.

Whether it appears as part of an excuse, part of bewildered disbelief, the beginning of an explanation, it serves to do one thing. It stops you escaping us. This qualification to what you are saying acts as a buffer preventing you from moving forward and making progress. It causes you to offer excuses for our behaviour rather than you knowing what such behaviour signifies. It is used as a means of avoiding confronting the harsh reality of our treatment of you. It is a method of circumventing the unpleasantness of having to deal with what we are. It is a device for continuing to keep you in a position where you cannot and will not let go. Whether it is because you want to help us, whether to gain answers about what we do, whether it is because you think that the golden period can be recovered or one of a dozen or more explanations which involve the use of this word, the ultimate effect is that it keeps you connected, tied and bound to us in some way. This word is your prison guard that prevents you from escaping the cell that we have created for you. It is you who uses this word, not us. It is you that in effect curtails your own liberation by the repeated spraying around of this tiny word by reference to us and our behaviours.

It is highly effective at trapping you.

It is highly effective at stopping you moving forward.

It is highly effective at allowing our manipulations to continue.

But we know this don’t we?

 

sins-of-the-empath-2

The sins of the empath. These are the traits which are inherent to those who are of an empathic nature. You possess these traits; this is why you were picked by us. You may wonder why they are regarded as a sin? This is because in our view we consider them to be sins as we do not possess these traits. These traits are regarded, in your world, as laudable traits to have. These traits however make you vulnerable to us. They cause us to be attracted to you in the first instance and the existence of these characteristics means that they are ripe to to be exploited by us. These traits are good traits to have but because of us they become polluted, desecrated and exploited.

You cannot lose these traits. They are as much a part of you as your skin tone and eye colour. They define who you are. You may, unusually, try to rid yourself of them but you cannot. It would be like trying to rip out your own heart and still live. These traits are infused within you. For the most part you will be pleased you possess these characteristics, thankful that they assist you and define you, separate you from being one of us. You ought to be aware however of what these sins are so you know what it is that causes us to home in on you and furthermore how it is that we exploit these sins for our own benefit. With that knowledge you will be able to look to protect the relevant characteristic and ensure it remains intact and is not attacked, shredded or fed upon by us.

The first of these sins is the empathic sin of honesty. James E Faust said of honesty,

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.”

This aptly demonstrates how honesty is at the core of how an empath behaves. You utilise this honesty in everything that you do. It governs how you interact with people, how you speak to people and most of all how you conduct your intimate relationships. I am not suggesting that this empathic trait makes you a saint; you will not be above pocketing the excess change if the cashier hands you back too much money or refraining from telling a friend that the outfit they think is wonderful does not really do them too many favours. Your honesty is tempered with discretion and being circumspect when you identify that a lighter touch is required. You understand when being too honest with another is not appropriate. Nevertheless, honesty is of huge importance to you. You regard it as a fundamental factor of your character to act with honesty, both in terms of those you deal with and especially in respect of yourself. This core of honesty and its repeated application to your every day outlook in life makes it ripe for exploitation by us.

The exploitation commences at the seduction. When you engage with people, you have a tendency to allow your emotions and traits to be seen by all. You do not hide the way you feel. You do not operate from behind a mask (not like others you may know of) nor from behind a curtain. You do not cloud your dealings and operate in a shadowy manner but rather you exhibit who you are from the outset. This is of no consequence when you are dealing with your fellow empaths or even the normals but it becomes especially dangerous when you come into our sights. Not only do we have a heightened ability to sense the traits which matter to us, you aid this because your honesty means that you have all your characteristics on display. Just like a proud shopkeeper displaying his wares in a pristine shop window, you exhibit (but you do not flaunt) your inherent traits for the world to see. This means that your empathic and class traits which are so important to us when we target our victims are out in the open because of your honesty. You have an honest default setting. It is akin to having no privacy settings on your social media so that whoever takes an interest in you can see everything about you, everything that you have ever posted, where you live, where you have been, your photographs and so forth. This default setting is important to us as it makes our task of identifying you so much easier. When you are demonstrating those empathic traits through your honesty, they are highlighted, prominent and readily identifiable. Accordingly, if you keep wondering why you always seem to attract our kind, it is because your honesty is causing you to stand out to us.

Your honesty means that you engage with people without an agenda, without suspicion and providing them with the benefit of the doubt. This honesty of approach means that you fail to see those red flags which are fluttering during the seduction and that you fail to hear the blaring klaxons and see the flashing red lights which signal that something is amiss. You operate in an honest way and this causes your thinking to be framed so that you expect and assume that the person you are dealing with is honest towards you. This honesty takes you into the territory of gullibility. Add to this that we are of course not being truthful with you in the way we engage during the seduction and you have little chance of avoiding what we are doing; seducing you and doing so effectively.

The inherent honesty which you possess also means that you tell us how you feel and you will do so early in our interactions with you. Since we are engaged in love-bombing you at the outset it is nearly impossible to resist telling us how wonderful it feels and that you have fallen in love with us. Your early declarations in this regard are wanted and expected. Hearing this allows us, along with seeing the relevant indicators, to know that our seduction is proving successful and that you are being embedded. Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. Your honesty results in your telling us what you are thinking and feeling, which in turn gives us the green lights we require.

Your honesty makes you transparent. You cannot hide anything from us and most importantly of all, you are unable to hide your feelings from us. Thus you will always struggle to hide you joy, your delight, your ecstasy, your pain, your tears, your annoyance and your agony from us. This emotional honesty is fundamental to why we engage with you. This means that the fuel you provide to us is purer that any which might come from another source. Yes, the “normals” will provide us with fuel through being happy to see us, through praising us or annoyed at being messed around by us. Even our own kind will provide fuel to another member of the brethren through exhibiting jealousy, annoyance or anger, but in both these cases there is an absence of emotional honesty which is prevalent with you as an empath. Your emotional honesty creates a fuel which is pure, free from toxins, devoid of pollutants. It is not masked, it has not been shrouded or clouded in some way, as is the case with normals and most certainly with our kind.

By being emotionally honest you ensure that your fuel is the best of all types and naturally this is why we are drawn to you, sink our teeth into you and start to drain you of all that sparkling and pure fuel.

Your honesty makes you a target to begin with, it makes you an easier target to latch onto and the reward of this pure fuel means we want to keep hold of you and keep returning to you to feed on it.

The matter does not of course end there. Your empathic sin of honesty generates further problems for you once the devaluation commences. We are dishonest. We are habitual liars, practitioners of deceit and operate through a skewed lens of fraudulent intent. When we engage in these dishonest practices it mortally offends your innate honesty with the consequence that you respond by providing yet more fuel. This offence to your honesty combined with your honesty drives you to want to make us see the lies that we so readily allow to fall from our deceitful mouths, to have us address our mendacity and recognise what we do. This only serves to bind you to us further.

The honesty you have with your self also means that you have a capacity to be introspective and the consequence of this is that you regularly self-flagellate by blaming yourself when you can find no other answer to our behaviour. The narcissistic perspective and our toxic logic, which are invariably a mystery to our victims means that you fail to understand why we do and say as we do. Your honesty causes you to look inwards and you blame yourself. This fulfils our desire to remain unaccountable and increases the weight of the burden of our engagement with you, upon you. Your honesty causes you to accept blame either where it does not lie with you or in a greater proportion that for which you are culpable.

Your honesty of dealings also prevents you often of speaking of the devaluing abuses outside of your relationship with us. At first, that may seem a contradiction, but you would feel dishonest if you spoke about them to others without informing us first of your intention to do so. You, by this stage, have learned that it is a safer course of action to suffer in silence rather than speak out to us and in turn you will not speak of what is happening to others, not until the pressure has become too great or more likely once you have been discarded by us.

The enduring love you experience for us, or more accurately, your addiction as a consequence of our infecting you, means that when those hoovers come post escape or discard, you are unable to shroud or hide how you truly feel and once more you light up like the brightest beacon. You signal to us that your love (addiction) remains and thus there is yet more fuel to gather and that you are so susceptible to our machinations to pull you back into our grasp once again, be that to extract fuel or to commence the Formal Relationship once again.

We know you are honest. It shines from you and we identify it from the way you conduct yourself and what you say when we target you at the outset. Not only is the identification of this trait confirmation that you possess one of the many traits that we look for, it also confirms that certain actions will succeed and certain responses will take place.

It is often stated that honesty is the best policy. It is certainly a policy that we endorse. It is one of the empath’s sins and with it comes the attention, exploitation and manipulation of our kind.