Nothing’s Impossible
There are times when even my charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch. This often happens when I have subjected a victim to a fierce period of devaluation so that they have been pushed to their limits and they are at breaking point. Something stirs inside of them which causes them to decide that they need to escape me. They may not fully understand why but they know that they need to depart. It may be the case that an external influence is interfering in my carefully laid plans of denigration and this meddling threatens to puncture of even sever my supply of delicious negative fuel. It is at these moments when I am staring at the potential loss of a succulent supply of fuel that I make a particular play in order to prevent the cessation of supply. In such circumstances I will ensure that there is only you and I and that the potential for external interference is at a minimum. I need to ensure that I have your undivided attention and there will not be somebody else seeking to throw a spanner into the works. I want them excluded and banished so that I can concentrate entirely on you and make my last throw of the dice.
“I know that this time I will have to change,” I will begin as I fix you with my most earnest of looks. You stop what you are doing and look at me and already I can see the indecision in your eyes as I start with this sentence. It is always a good opening gambit. You and your like love to think that we can change, that there is some goodness deep within us that can be harnessed and used to get us back on track. You are great believers in redemption.
“I need a miracle to help me this time, “ I continue as I underline the gravity of the task that I am faced with. By according such gravitas to your stated intention to depart, I demonstrate just how seriously I am taking your threat. Inside I am exploding with rage at your audacity in daring to even to suggest that you will leave me. Me, of all people, me who has done so much for you. It is everything I can do to contain the fury but I know I must do so for an explosion now will be what finally pushes you away.
“How did we come to be this far apart?” I ask fixing you with a pleading look. By underlining that we were once so close, nay inseparable, I am appealing to your desire to bring us back to that closeness once again. This also allows you a chance to talk and talk is something you like to do. I let you trot out all the perceived injustices that you have supposedly suffered at my hands. I hear little of it because I know that you are mistaken and this is all based on your incorrect perceptions of me. This time I just have to let it wash over me in order to allow my influence to exert itself over you. I cannot stand to be criticised and inside I am dying but I am taking this blow for the greater good, the greater good of ensuring this precious fuel supply remains intact.
“Just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it,” I trot out next, conning you into thinking that you have some vestige of power and authority over me, when of course you have none. Again in order to serve my own purposes I am content to allow you to think that you can bring some influence to bear over me. Again this will give you a chance to detail all of the change and remedial behaviours you expect me to engage in. I will nod and make the appropriate noises as you ramble on about the changes you want me to effect. I pluck the lines which I have heard others use on so many occasions to enable me to continue my con. You are suckered by it on every occasion. I know it works and this is why I do it.
“I know we can get through this, nothing’s impossible,” I add as I take your hands and stare into your eyes. Invariably this line secures you giving me yet another chance and your relief eclipses my own as I know that I have you once again. Your joy at not parting provides me with even further fuel and I can allow you a brief golden period by way of reward. After all, you may as well enjoy it because it is not going to last for long is it?
19 thoughts on “Nothing’s Impossible”
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Thrilled with myself….Made up my mind and left the narc husband! I NEVER fell for this crap, he tried it! Marriage over before the 2nd anniversary 🙂
HG,
Hey… at least your victim got some bullshit speech lmao… I got a whole bunch of crying and a sorry that was followed later at night with criticism and then flipping shit around on me days later….
He didn’t want my second chance after he totally screwed up. He felt things should go right back to the way they were and when they didn’t and I showed I was questioning well … everything….things just got weird and worse.
He couldn’t even pretend to behave for 24 hours – didn’t feel that he had to earn anything back and took the attention off of his nutty destructive behavior and made it into all the reasons why I fall short and suck.
Well that was a short idealization …. it was like 0-100 and 100-0 in the blink of an eye.
I suspect once I saw that blow out behavior and showed I was a bit stand offish he just kept saying I don’t look at him the same and started to worry and flipped things around to gain control – he probably knew I saw right through him at that point…
How many times I believed this – ( thank you HG) – how N’s must laugh inside as they fill up w power of the empaths ( false) hope built on lies, what a drug… the powder of a loving trusting souls dehydrated , crushed and broken heart. Incomprehensible evil.
And so it was…….
Thanks HG
It only works so many times before the words become meaningless.
I learned the hard way – it’s about actions not words.
Presque Vu
I think it really is that simple.
Personally, I’m great at giving that advice to others, but regrettably not always so quick to follow it myself. Until the scales fall from our eyes we remain blinded and vulnerable.
I’m sorry you learned that the hard way, I did too. With HG’s invaluable assistance and the support and empathy from the amazing community here, we’ve got the best chance to arm ourselves against future ensnarement and to heal effectively. I’m so glad that I found my way here.
Absolutely.
Oof. I can just picture poor IPPS believing this. He uses one hand to steady her at the table and the other to go on dating sites and email under the table.
Just suggesting a different ending here with a weaponized empath
Yep.
Laughter is a wonderful thing.
Frozen heart, an empty space
Something’s changing, it’s in your eyes
Please don’t speak, you’ll only lie
Suffer well
My narc wrote me an email a couple weeks ago saying almost exactly these same things. “How did we get to this place in our relationship? What can I do to make you happy again?” I ignored it and replied on another subject. Weekend plans and work related things.
Why waste energy on false hopes? That has been our relationship lately. Me ignoring his attempts to manipulate me.
Yesterday he got mad at me. He was trying to extract negative fuel from me. I told him if he felt the need to fight with someone he needed to get a hold of one of his other women and that I was to busy to deal with his insults. He blocked me…today I see I’m unblocked. Haha whatevs.
HG nothing is impossible for you but not the same for the poor narcs who’s fuel supply has found your site.
Seriously, what chance do we have against that?!
Use your own beast. We’ve all got one. Feed her well and she’ll protect you.
Hello Christine, you’re absolutely right.
I’ve gone full on supernova a few times and my beast is a formidable force to be reckoned with. I was referring more to falling for that bullshit.
Ironically, I set very high standards for the people I allow into my life and even higher standards for myself, which means that if someone chooses to behave in a morally heinous way, even once, they’re immediately gone, cut out. No second chances. It doesn’t matter who they are, or what kind of relationship we have. My problem is the slow burn, the insidious salami slicing over time that sneaks up on one unawares. Like a lot of empaths, I can endure a vast amount of unspeakable abuses, over long periods of time and not even complain. I take it on the chin and just get on with it. I have a huge capacity for it. I’m staunch to the point of self destruction. So, in that instance I probably would fall for exactly that bullshit. I did indeed fall for it once with my ex husband. I had literally just given birth to our daughter and I so desperately wanted the happy family that he had promised. He just thought that he had finally trapped me and he could now ramp up his abuse and I’d just have to suck it up (chillingly, he always said right from the start that I would be his for life and silly me thought he meant because he’s Catholic and they don’t believe in divorce lol). He refused point blank to go to marriage counselling, but said pretty much word for word what HG posted, while crying his eyes out (everyone always falls for his crying and he uses it a lot!). I gave him one chance and when he reneged on his promise to change a few months later, I kicked him out. He tag teamed me with another two narcs (my mother and stepfather, who had their own agenda) a few years later with absolutely devastating consequences for me though, so I think it’s safe to say that he bested me in the end.
HG, in your experience, how common is it for narcissists to team up like that? Ex is upper lesser somatic, stepfather is Greater somatic and I think mother dear is one of the mid rangers, but she is prone to physical violence (in private only though, of course) so she may belong to the lesser school, I’m not sure?
I’ve gone full on supernova a few times and my beast is a formidable force to be reckoned with. I was referring more to falling for that bullshit.
Ironically, I set very high standards for the people I allow into my life and even higher standards for myself, which means that if someone chooses to behave in a morally heinous way, even once, they’re immediately gone, cut out. No second chances. It doesn’t matter who they are, or what kind of relationship we have. My problem is the slow burn, the insidious salami slicing over time that sneaks up on one unawares. Like a lot of empaths, I can endure a vast amount of unspeakable abuses, over long periods of time and not even complain. I take it on the chin and just get on with it. I have a huge capacity for it. I’m staunch to the point of self destruction. So, in that instance I probably would fall for exactly that bullshit. I did indeed fall for it once with my ex husband. I had literally just given birth to our daughter and I so desperately wanted the happy family that he had promised. He just thought that he had finally trapped me and he could now ramp up his abuse and I’d just have to suck it up (chillingly, he always said right from the start that I would be his for life and silly me thought he meant because he’s Catholic and they don’t believe in divorce lol). He refused point blank to go to marriage counselling, but said pretty much word for word what HG posted, while crying his eyes out (everyone always falls for his crying and he uses it a lot!). I gave him one chance and when he reneged on his promise to change a few months later, I kicked him out. He tag teamed me with another two narcs (my mother and stepfather, who had their own agenda) a few years later with absolutely devastating consequences for me though, so I think it’s safe to say that he bested me in the end.
HG, in your experience, how common is it for narcissists to team up like that? Ex is upper lesser somatic, stepfather is Greater somatic and I think mother dear is one of the mid rangers, but she is prone to physical violence (in private only though, of course) so she may belong to the lesser school, I’m not sure?
It will be done where a benefit will be obtained from doing so, it is fairly common, but it is not a conscious narcissist recruiting narcissist (save where there is Greater doing the recruiting).
Thanks, HG. I think they saw that as their best opportunity for success. They had previously smeared me in exactly the same ways (crazy, mentally unstable, bad mother, liar) and having 3 key people, including a husband and a mother, swearing under oath that it’s the truth, must make it so, right?
Mother is in her 70’s now, but is still orchestrating and inflicting abuse from afar and although we have been estranged for the past 12 years, the first 2 by mutual choice, the remainder mine, she is by no means done with me yet. So, I’m thinking that it would be a good idea to finally find out exactly which school and cadre of narcissist she is, so that I can protect myself as much as possible. Her Greater’s health is deteriorating fast, I (hope) think he’ll be shuffling off his mortal coil soon (yay! I am an empath, honest lol) and at the risk of appearing paranoid, I feel that they have something rather spectacular intended for me as a parting shot. If I had to make an (HG) educated guess, I would say that she is upper mid range victim. If she is of the victim cadre, losing her Greater will have a huge impact on her and she’s capable of anything. For example, she already has everyone convinced that she is terrified of me and had to move 100 miles away from me because I physically assaulted her.
What information would you require to enable you to identify the school and cadre of my mother, via an email consultation?
The information is provided by reference to guidance notes which are provided on booking the consultation.