I Love You (And I Always Have)
This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make. However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.
So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.
I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.
- Fuel, the most important item;
- Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
- Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.
I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee. This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –
- As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
- You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
- I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.
Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.
It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.
To learn and understand more about what the narcissist really means when he says certain things to you, read DECIPHER : WHAT THE NARCISSIST REALLY MEANS
US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G964SI8
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01G964SI8
26 thoughts on “I Love You (And I Always Have)”
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Ah yes. . “I love you.. and I always have” and like Raindrop, “I’ve had a crush on you since school” and “I’ve dreamt about you since I was a small boy…. you are my dream girl”… etc etc
Such hogwash!
I love you and I always have. Your the girl from my past I always had a crush on. How perfect we found each other again now. It’s like we’re twins we like all the same things, love all the same music we even think alike! I can’t believe how much alike we are! (We lived in the same neighborhood as teens but went in different circles)
LOL !!! What a bunch of bull **** that all was. But I fell for it hook line and sinker. It’s these words that made me feel so good and that made it so hard to believe later on that it was all a crock. I mean really how could he not care now after loving me for all this time. I feel so pathetic now when I look back now at all the lies I believed so whole heartedly.
In truth thought it’s the only way he ever would have gotten me to even speak to him is through his love bombing and outright lies. He’s not attractive anymore, lives a life of poverty due to his own laziness, doesn’t take care of himself and smokes weed all day long. I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public with him. Of course I didn’t know all this at the onset due to all his lies and our starting out as online only. Sometimes I hate FB!
Proof as to how very well their methods work for them.
During one of ex’s hoovers he declared he loved me … to which I responded … how long for this time?
Ha ha very good.
Thanks HG … I wasn’t aware of narcissism at the time, but I had become cynical of his ploys and if he couldn’t be honest then at least I could be honest with myself. I had lost faith him in.
Ha ha, love that response 😊
It’s so strange because at the moment I was thinking about this article, it showed up. I don’t understand how this happened
I’ve noticed that a lot too, Nika. I would be most surprised if it is coincidental.
Yes, Merrymagenta… it is quite breathtaking, at times…really.
Perhaps you could ask HG what his secret is? 😉
Merrymagenta, (smiles). 💕💕💕 I think it would be better if you asked because you have a pretty name.🌸🌸🌸
My ex use to say well you love me so much. Or he talked to a friend and the friend says that girl loves you too death. It was weird then he’d always say it to me drunk I love you over and over. I asked him why he asked me to do things for him and he’d say a test to see if you love me or not.
Yessir. My MLV Narc blurted this out twice on different occasions during my seduction…and then stopped saying it. I guess twice was pretty good for a Lesser Victim!
“I love you so much, I wish I would have met you first”……Oh how those words mean so much more to me now… You think “Awww, he loves me” and you turn a little red in the cheeks and get a little shy,.Then you tell him you love him too and in your heart you also wish you two would have met years ago. I mean, “He’s the One”, right? Then, I love you turns into “WELCOME TO HELL” and you don’t know what the F just happened. I get it cockroach, I get it !
I wish I would’ve known better…
Who can ever believe anyone again?
Kelly,
I ask myself the same question!
Hello Pale Horse. I hope you are well.
I am. Thank you for asking MB!
Why would a narcissist say that he loves you, then when you mention how it meant so much he acts surprised he said it and then downplays it? Does that not usually impact the purpose of saying those words?
1. By saying he loves you it is to bind you, provoke you into providing fuel and to appeal to your empathic traits.
2. By downplaying it, he is again provoking you into providing fuel, testing you to see how you respond so he can instinctively gauge how much control he has over you.
Wow! Thank you!! You have cleared up another point of confusion.
If the reaction was to look at him like “what the @#$!” but not say anything and continue to talk, I would assume that is little fuel and shows no control. Is my assumption correct or am I still missing important factors of the narcissistic mind?
You are correct.
Thank you! You are helping a lot!
He said he loved me, at the same time he told others. which I discovered when I got into their social networks.
I was his girlfriend, but he came ten days a month to stay at my house in Madrid, for a year and a half, while he never took me to his house in the north of Spain, nor did he introduce me to his family, while he was happy to eat with me. family and attending euniones and parties of her.
He said he loved me but he never was when I needed him, in a furniture move, in a sickness and my need to accompany me to the hospital, and in so many other times … even after he discarded me a few months ago, he says he loves me and sends me lovely and loving messages, while he has relationships with other women, and he dismissed me because he said that I was jealous pathological sick …. in short, an actor who would have to give an interpretation prize
Margarita, I just saw your comment.
I’m sorry that he did that to you and continues to do so!!
With my ex, after a while, I had a hard time believing his “I love you” because his actions and words or lack of actions and words didn’t match. I used to say the he didn’t love me but loved what I would do for him – little did I understand what that meant until reading HG’s writings. As for my latest, I really wanted to believe his words, but his actions didn’t match either. I suspect he told others at the same time, but didn’t try to find out. Unfortunately the hope overrode the logic part too much.
I hope you find the real peace and love without him.