The Saviour Empath
There are four schools of empath (Co-Dependent, Standard, Super and Contagion). There are many cadres of empath which layer on to those schools. These cadres include the Carrier, the Magnet and the Geyser, about which I have written previously. A further cadre is that of the Saviour Empath.
The Saviour Empath’s mission is to heal and to save, to ensure that good prevails. They are the archetypal believer in the idea that there is some good in everybody. With regard to our kind, the Saviour Empath does not consider that we are intrinsically ‘evil’ or ‘bad’. They prefer to adopt the view that there is good locked away inside of us and that it just has to be discovered, unlocked and set free. This notion of course and the desire to address this apparent goodness is a very strong binder which enables us to keep a hold on the Saviour Empath. Indeed, there are those of our kind who will play on this concept and this is addressed below.
The Saviour Empath feels an overriding need to save the world. They wish to right the wrongs, heal the sick, tend to the injured and ensure that injustices are overturned. It is this desire which is at the very heart of the Saviour Empath. The Saviour Empath is often someone who subscribes to a belief system (whether it is organised religion, karma, paganism or similar) although the absence of such a belief does not discount the person as being a Saviour Empath, but a reliance on a belief system is a hallmark of the Saviour Empath. How does this manifest with regard to each school of empath?
Standard Empath – the Saviour Standard Empath regards it as imperative that he or she comes to the aid of people. They will donate to charity, help out voluntary organisations and are giving of their time. With regard to the narcissist, this manifests as adopting a sympathetic and compassionate approach to the unusual behaviours (when the empath is not aware they are ensnared by a narcissist) of the narcissist. Accordingly, they regard the narcissist as a ‘good’ person (supported by the narcissist’s illusory behaviour during the golden period) and therefore when devaluation occurs they will ascribe the behaviour to arising from a third party event rather than seeing it as the behaviour of the narcissist at work. The Standard Empath wants to assist the narcissist and does so by trying to understand and offer solutions linked to the aberrant behaviour that is being witnessed. The Saviour Standard Empath whilst wanting to save the narcissist from whatever terrible third party event or influence that is causing the behaviour (for example, is the narcissist struggling at work, is he stressed, has he got problems with money or drink?). The Saviour Standard Empath will put themselves in the firing line when trying to assist, but they do not tend to regard the problem as much to do with them but rather another factor which they want to tackle and overcome.
Super Empath – the Saviour Super Empath is akin to a caped crusader who fires into action whenever he or she witnesses injustice. They cannot help but interfere when really it is not their business (this is the narcissistic trait of selfishness coming to the fore momentarily). The Saviour Super Empath will not turn a blind eye to someone in trouble, they will help the injured person and then look to tackle the perpetrator (or at least bring them to account through formal channels). Thus is the Saviour Super Empath sees someone being attacked, they will help the victim, look to fight off the attacker and/or chase them down, either themselves or enlisting help. They cannot let any kind of injustice go unaddressed. The Saviour Super Empath has a very strong moral compass and therefore when they see something that is wrong, it very much boils their piss so they spring into action. Whilst they always look to help people, what really matters to the Saviour Super Empath is bringing people to account for their actions. If they see a person cutting into a queue (line) they will upbraid the offender. If they witness a person stealing, they will look to stop them or report them. The Saviour Super Empath is a firm believer in the need for good to prevail, whether this is in a situation or in a person. With regard to the narcissist that a Saviour Super Empath is embroiled with, the Saviour Super Empath knows that this person has a kernel of goodness and if they only triedto embrace it, let it shine etc then such a difference will appear. They believe the narcissist has it inside of them to make adjustments, amend their behaviour and harness the intrinsic goodness inside of them. The Saviour Super Empath knows that they are a force for good and they believe that the narcissist can do the same. The Saviour Super Empath recognises that they themselves are good people but that they have some degree of edge to them (their narcissistic traits appearing from time to time) and they often regard the narcissist in the same light – a person who has edge but is intrinsically good – and this fools the Saviour Super Empath in to wanting to assist and save the narcissist.
The Co-Dependent – the Co-Dependent who is of the Saviour Cadre finds the world to be a terrible place and wishes to administer succour to the downtrodden, to assist the hurt, and to heal the wounds of the injured. They are less concerned about bringing the offender to justice and more about attending to the people who are left cowering and broken in the wake of oppression and violence. The Saviour Co-Dependent is a person who is extremely caring and compassionate – the type of person who would join Medicins Sans Frontieres and arriving at the scene of a humanitarian disaster would work themselves into the ground to try and ease the suffering of each and every person even though it is an impossible task. They are often overwhelmed by the cruelty of the world and despair at its evil ways, but this will not stop them from trying to save each and every person who is in need of help. This applies to the way they engage with the narcissist. The Saviour Co-Dependent (“SCD”) knows and is absolutely convinced that the narcissist is at heart a good person and with the right application of guidance, support, compassion and tolerance the narcissist will change, will improve and let that goodness shine. The SCD will not give up on the narcissist, even to personal cost to themselves. They know that redemption is just around the corner, that improvement is on the horizon and they will, with a zeal bordering on delusion, grasp at any sign of improvement or alteration in the narcissist’s behaviour as evidence that their faith has not proven incorrect.
The SCD will flagellate themselves in the pursuit of trying to help and heal the narcissist, their emotional thinking and innate desire to do good, plus their own need to achieve validation through their giving of themselves means he or she will continue to try to achieve the impossible. They will not wish to give up, they will see glimmers of hope, slivers of optimism and fragments of possibility in order to achieve their aim of saving the narcissist.
The Contagion – the Saviour Contagion Empath (“SCE”) will manifest their desire to assist as a consequence of the severe impact felt by them of the negative energy, suffering and misery that accompanies the human condition. The desire to save and resolve, to eradicate the diseased and bring about the healing is different to that of the other schools of empath. The SCE needs to achieve this in order to secure balance, which is their primary aim. By redressing the bad, through their saving good works then balance is restored and the polluting impact upon them of the negative energy which they feel – the manifestation of the woe, misery and hurt that others feel – is removed and no longer (albeit temporarily) ceases to be a burden upon them. With regard to the narcissist, the removal of the dark energy surrounding and flowing from the narcissist’s behaviours has a considerable impact on the finely-tuned SCE. In order to alleviate their own pain, in order to prevent themselves from being consumed by the darkness which they acutely feel, the SCE seeks to save the narcissist from their dark self. They similarly wish to achieve balance with their own personal narcissist or narcissists.
How are these various schools of Saviour Empath regarded by our brethren? As you might expect, the SE is naturally desired by narcissists for their empathic traits, class and special traits too. Accordingly, no narcissist will ever shy away from the ensnaring of the SE. There are certain schools and cadres of narcissist however that desire the SE in particular.
Victim Narcissists desire the Saviour Empath owing to their need to be mothered, looked after and saved from their various ailments (real or imagined). The SE’s desire to bring about healing and resolution is savoured by this cadre of narcissist. Lesser Narcissists will not turn away a Saviour Empath, but they are not favoured (unless the Lesser is of the Victim Cadre) since the Lesser has no truck with the idea of being healed or saved. From what? Will be the mocking response as their complete lack of self-awareness means that they have no comprehension or need to be saved in that manner.
Mid Range Narcissists treasure Saviour Empaths because of the fact that some Mid Range Narcissists like to play the ‘troubled soul’ or ‘personal demons’ approach. Whilst unaware of what they are, their awareness that there is something not quite right, coupled with their passive behaviours and need for attention, means that the Mid Range Narcissist truly sees the Saviour Empath as the one who will save him from himself, even though this is just part of the manipulation to keep the Saviour Empath hooked. The Mid Range will revel in becoming the pet project for the Saviour Empath and will instinctively play along by tossing a bone of apparent awareness or improvement in order to maintain the hoped for glorious redemption that the Saviour Empath craves.
The Greater Narcissist is likely to prefer other cadres but again is not going to kick the Saviour Empath out of bed for eating crisps. The Greater may find tormenting the Saviour Empath a delightful machination by increasing the visibility of their dark side so that the Saviour Empath sees a challenge which has to be surmounted. Of course, the Saviour Empath is blind to the fact that the Greater cannot be healed or saved, but that will not stop the Saviour Empath from trying time and time again.
26 thoughts on “The Saviour Empath”
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Thanks to everyone that replied my questions. super interesting.
I’ve learned a lot in my year with a narc, and through my enlightenment thanks to HG’S writings.
I no longer care to talk it out to a resolution. You want to be an ass, be an ass. You want to be silent, be silent. But I’m not sitting in it. I’ve also learned that the narc isn’t as scary as he portrays himself to be. He’s a paper tiger. Oh he can hurt you if you let him, but his threats are largely empty.
HG,
my ex was a Mid Range narcissist. And when I met him he had a fuel crisis (loss of job, a girl escaped), he was really sulky and.. I loved it. I was really happy I am the centre of his attention and I am the one who knows how to calm him down and bring a smile on his face.
But when he was becoming stronger and stronger I started to feel threatened. I felt he is so strong that he can go anywhere and find a better option. I hated when he was happy. I loved when he was miserable and I felt like his only savior. It’s not that I liked when he was in pain. I just liked to take care of him and it was nice to feel so important and needed.
Does it mean I am narcissist? Or maybe it is typical for a certain type of empath?
No, you are not a narcissist.
I have a bit of all, but less of the co-dependent. I tried to save my mom but it never worked. I learned from her, you can’t save people. My narc? I didn’t know he was a narc but he is so “stubborn” that I simply stepped back. Every time he got wounded, I would just watch and now I know that made him pissed off at me because he expected me to jump oceans to uplift him. I didn’t.
I believe in karma, but not from a religious standpoint. I just see it as a consequence; a cause and effect. And then of course, you mix that with your emotions and it comes out different. But karma is not revenge. Karma is cause and effect.
I think it would be a veiled arrogance to think you can save people; that you are so good, so marvelous that you can cast demons away. You can’t. At my ex’s house events happened. It was noticeable to his own family. It was very difficult to sleep because whatever is there made his presence known. My ex saw it. We would hear noises at night of things smashing. We would get there and nothing was smashed. Sometimes things were all over the floor. My narc would get crazy because it was just the two of us and I was tied by his side so who did it?????
Other times, I could not get up. I had to watch that black blur move and I would scream
I didn’t know then… but I knew it was related to him. Whatever it was, it was with him. That alone should have been a huge red flag. I ignored it but I knew it.
One day was maddening. His car keys disappeared twice. They were in front of our eyes and then gone. It threw him into a hot rage. After he finished scream and breaking thing, the key reappears
He decided he would get rid of the “ghost”. Came back home carrying a bunch of things like candles, some stuff that I have no clue what they were.
I just watch him driving himself crazy trying to get rid of it.
Did work?
Nope. His daughters would scream in the middle of the night terrified. Call him from their rooms because “someone” had done something. It was a menace. The only time he asked my opinion, I told him that the thing was with him.
His daughters said when he moved out things stopped happening. He moved back in, they began happening.
It is attached to him. Or he attracts these things. Either way, whatever that is, it can hurt someone physically. So, if you have an affair with him, be prepared to deal with some crazy shit in his house, plus his shit as a narc.
It doesn’t matter what I think it is. It is there and it is nerve wrecking sometimes. You can physically see the environment getting darker. The light goes off. It doesn’t communicate. It just does those scary things. Maybe it is his own manifestation in the environment since it doesn’t communicate. Regardless, I am glad I don’t deal with that anymore. To have a narc partner is one thing. To deal with his demons is another…
Kathy Mor, that’s just creepy. You might want to smudge yourself and everything he touched, get rid of the residue! Yuck!
I’ve only encountered one … thing, like that. The last two years of his life, my father was bedridden in a nursing home. I had a rescue Collie I took every Sunday to visit all the residents. There was a woman. Everytime I saw her she was sitting in a wheelchair, hunched forward, like the tray in front of her was the only thing restraining her. She was always making very hard direct eye contact. Her eyes were very dark and she tracked you as you walked by. She never spoke, just grunted and growled in a low tone. Her appearance was very predatory. She scared me. I kept thinking this is stupid, shes just an old lady, but each time I tried to engage her, those piercing eyes were so intense, I just couldn’t. She didn’t look at you, but through you. I swear it felt like looking into the eyes of a demon. Even the staff felt the vibe from her. They commented about her predatory gaze. That was 20 years ago and I still vividly remember those eyes and get a chill down my spine.
I am not going to get into details here. The experience was not knew to me. I have seen, heard, felt things my entire life, since I was a child. I had “invisible friends” that weren’t invisible to me and scared the living crap out of my family, not because they were scary or evil but because my family is skeptical. My grandmother’s house had these issues as well.
Said that, you could say that I was the one bring this with me, but it didn’t follow me. It stayed with them. I have been told that the fact I can sense “the other side”, I am as a beacon of light in the darkness and isolation that some of these entities find themselves. True or not, with the narc, it was the first time that I experienced a no communication. Usually if it is a spirit, say a ghost, or even a demon, there is an answer because if they are manifesting themselves, they want to be acknowledged. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know. So there will be an answer. It may not be a pleasant answer but there will be a demonstration of their presence. Thats why I don’t advise people to try to communicate with the other side. You don’t know who is there. They may sound like your dead grandfather, but in reality it maybe something very far from your good grandpa…. Now, in the narc’s case there was no communication and god knows I tried. It was a blank wall. Not even an echo. It was negative energy moving seemingly aimlessly in this space and time. The weirdest emptiness I ever felt. Almost as in illusion where you see the representation but it disappears in thin air to reappear. The attacks were aleatory… and when HE was present. So, I began thinking that somehow he was causing the manifestation of his own negative energy.
I am no expert. I don’t go around looking for this “thrill”. I just have seen enough from the other side to say the least. I can be completely wrong but this is my take. And it is consuming of his energy. After every attack, he complained of headaches, exhaustion, low energy. Every single time. But because he is “stubborn” as I mentioned before, because he always see as manipulation anything that you say that goes against his will… i kept it quiet. You don’t throw pearls to swines and I felt I would be doing exactly that if I had completely told him everything I saw, sensed, heard. He would accuse me of being a control freak trying to manipulate him. So, be it. It is not my problem. It is and will be his… when he crosses over.
Yeah, the whole headache thing seems like it was attached to him. Makes me wonder if there wasn’t a great big energy umbilical attached to his head. Your gift is great. I rarely see/feel anything like that. I’ve only felt a few animals I knew. But I orientate more towards animals than people. I try to stay closed to people, it safer. Thanks for sharing about your gift!
Idanoe
Maybe she was just pissed that no one would prop her up.
Kathy thanks for sharing this. super interesting. I felt that emptyness with one narc I knew. He was a lower. I remember I was looking at him across the room during a talk and suddenly I felt like he was hallow, nothing there. It was a very weird feeling I had never felt again. I have not felt this with mid-rangers or upper narcs. maybe they hide it more? suoer interesting
I think I used to be a a savior empath. I would watch criminals on TV and always think: “I wish I had met them before! I could have saved them!!” I had a prison pen pal once. Did anybody else do this? I really thought I could save them… WTF….
My prison pen pal experience helped me to see that it’s obviously super hard to save these people (duh!!!)…hahaha yeah…. That was me…
I feel I evolved. I now don;t want to save anyone. I could care less. I want to build impactful stuff 🙂
Why do some narcs prefer other types of empath instead of this one? Can empaths evolve? I feel I evolved.
I really like that I can now better understand my behavior. That aspect of me writing to the prisoners I never understood. Now it makes perfect sense.
Great connections HG.
H.G. Do you have any posts on narcissists engaging in relationships with other narcissists and the surrounding experience that ensues? And if not any previous posts, narcissists when in relationships (or married in my case) to someone with another cluster B personality disorder? My wife is either mid-ranger or I’m guessing greater, possibly elite and I would call myself an empath or HSP with borderline personality disorder….
Please see ‘When Narcissists Collide’ Parts One and Two.
I will never ever even try to classify myself in a classification system created by someone else and stick to that. It may provide me with useful knowledge to understand why someone treats me the way he/she does – but come on, I am bigger than someones structured perceptions. I am my own category.
Shesaw
Absolutely! Plus no one can ever know us like we know ourselves
Hi Windstorm, yes that’s so good that you add that – we have an inner sanctum too 😉
agree! I like also what Chris said about this.,
i do feel it can help to contextualize at times
I try to avoid Savior Empaths these days, because here’s the deal: They have to talk about their unceasing and hopeless attempts to save people from themselves with /someone/. And that someone? Me. Whether they’re a friend or a stranger on a plane or even a flippin’ therapist I’m paying (three different therapists at that), it is always me.
I can’t avoid the strangers in the grocery store telling me about their woes with their boyfriends with whom they’ve broken up 6 times but are sure he’ll change this time, and I don’t particularly mind them anyway. But I’m more careful with friends these days. No Co-Dependents and no one like this, if I can spot the signs early enough.
are you a magnet empath? can u be a magnet and a savior at the same time?
Thanks
Amanda
My understanding is we can be a combination of different traits.
Yeah, Magnet Super Empath. I’ve had different traits at different times in my life, but Magnet’s always been there and always been the strongest. I don’t know about Magnet and Savior at the same time. H.G. says, and this is true of me, that Magnets don’t try to save people on a personal level within relationships. That’s the opposite of Savior. But H.G. does not actually know everything — go with your own thoughts on what you are and see if it works.
Christine, “But H.G. does not actually know everything”
You’re brave. Ha ha
Yes Amanda, you can be a combination I relate most* to savior and the hsp-type one, but I’ve got so many examples of ALL the categories.
I call myself a Rainbow empath 🙃
For strangers, I just pretend I’m deaf. I control my body language, dont react when they speak and then walk off. Some people dont want to talk through to a resolution they just want a garbage can to dump their trash. To off load their sludge on someone else. Then you’re covered in their toxic crap and off they toddle, big, dumb and happy. And now you got to figure out how to get it off you and clean up. 🤮 Its gross. The deaf thing seems to be working well. Good luck!
I like it