The Golden Period
The Golden Period is that period when all is wonderful between us and our victims. This is the illusory mask that is donned in order to draw you in, bind you to us, embed you and then continue to savour the positive fuel that you pump out. Of course most people recognise that this is relevant with regards to the romantic relationship between the narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). Certainly, this is the most intense, most intoxicating and most addictive of the golden periods, but the golden period applies to all appliances that we interact with. How does that manifest and how long are these golden periods?
Let us commence with the tertiary source. There are essentially two types of tertiary source. There is the Sporadic Tertiary Source (“STS”) and the Frequent Tertiary Source (“FTS”). The STS is somebody that we interact with just the once or perhaps more than once but not very often. So that could be somebody who we get in a lift with or who occasionally serves us when we go to a particular restaurant every few months. We do not know one another and therefore this person is a Tertiary Source however our engagement with them is always benign. They smile at us, do something helpful for us, compliment us, speak to us in an interested way and so forth. In that instant, the interaction may only be for thirty seconds or so, but that is a golden period. It is brief, very brief but nevertheless because we have engaged with that person in a benign way and drawn positive fuel from them they have had a golden period. We may not have charmed them but we have certainly been pleasant to them, we have impressed them, engaged with them in a way which has caused them to provide us with positive fuel. This means that they have not suffered in any way and we have drawn positive fuel.
The FTS is someone we may see several times a week but they remain a stranger to us. This might be somebody who we buy a daily newspaper from, or a ticket inspector on the train. We engage with the individual repeatedly and always do so in pleasant terms and thus we gain positive fuel from this person who greets us with a smile and compliments our choice of tie or fragrance, but there is no more to the relationship. We see them repeatedly and this positive engagement means there is a protracted Golden Period but the manner of the engagement remains brief, seconds or minutes at most.
A golden period for the STS or FTS will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.
With regard to the secondary sources, there are those who are Non Intimate Secondary Sources (friends, family and colleagues) and then Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (someone we are seducing who is likely to become the IPPS, someone who is a booty call or a friend with benefits).
Those who are NISSs nearly always have golden periods and those golden periods last for a long time. This is because we exhibit our attractive qualities, we charm, we are polite, good-natured, interesting and so on in order to attract this person to us and once designated as a NISS we keep them in place for a considerable period of time. The golden period for a NISS can last a long time because we only draw on their positive fuel now and again. Thus we may see a friend once a week or once a month and therefore there is no extensive reliance in terms of frequency and quantity from this person which threatens the potency. We may meet for an hour for a coffee or an evening out together and we draw positive fuel (plus other benefits) from them. Unless they challenge us, criticise us, stop fuel provision and such like, this golden period will continue unabated. We will not suddenly find their fuel stale (as happens with the IPPS) and therefore the golden period lasts.
With the IPSS the golden period is similarly extensive. There are three types of IPSS:-
The Candidate IPSS. This is someone who is likely to become the IPPS and is on that trajectory towards being crowned;
The Shelf IPSS. This person is not an immediate candidate for becoming IPPS (but that might change in the future) but they are used for fuel on an intermittent basis. Whilst the IPPS is devalued we will spend time with the Shelf IPSS even though we know they are not going to be the new IPPS, but their fuel etc remains of considerable use and interest to us, they may be used to triangulate with the IPPS (or other IPSSs);
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS. See more here Dirty Little Secret
If the person is a clear prospect for IPPS then this candidate will experience the full effect of the illusory seduction as they are drawn into our world and treated like a king or queen. The various seductive manipulations will be deployed to create this magical wonderland where the most perfect love resides. This is the intoxicating, whirlwind seduction where the love-bombing abounds. Once this candidate IPSS is embedded as the IPPS the golden period continues.
Sometimes the IPSS does not secure the promotion but as I have written elsewhere there is no need to devalue this person. This person is a Shelf IPSS. Their fuel remains excellent but they are not quite right. This may change and they are promoted in the future, or it may not and they remain an IPSS for a long time, picked up and put down when we decide. Thus if an IPSS accepts this role they will experience a long golden period. Yes, there will be periods when they will not hear from us and they have been placed on the shelf but this is not devaluation.
The fuel from an IPSS similarly does not become stale because they are engaged with intermittently by us. The pattern of engagement may be a weekend together and then nothing for a fortnight. It might be a week away together and then nothing for a month.
With the Dirty Little Secret IPSS the engagement is likely to be an hour in the evening or the occasional afternoon but usually once a week, sometimes more. The time together is not long but there is a greater frequency than that of the Shelf IPSS.
With all three of these IPSSs they experience significant golden periods.
The Candidate IPSS has an intense golden period which may be a number of weeks before they then become an IPPS and the golden period for that appliance is applicable;
The Shelf IPSS can have a golden period for years and years;
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS can have a golden period for years and years.
The Golden Periods for the Shelf and Dirty Little Secret IPSS is not as intense as that for the Candidate (nor the IPPS see below) but it remains addictive. The victim is treated well, future-faked a lot, given comfort crumbs, taken places, confided in, bought gifts and so forth.The narcissist recognises the value of these type of IPSSs and wishes to maintain them. If the IPSS challenges the narcissist, for instance wants the narcissist to spend more time with them, or threatens to expose their affair to the IPPS, the narcissist will devalue but does so in order to bring that person back into line. If they respond then the golden period is restored immediately. If not, the malfunctioning IPSS will be dis-engaged with and somebody else sought for the role.
The Golden Period for the IPPS is that which most people are familiar with. The Golden Period for the IPPS commences when they are a Candidates IPSS and once they have been embedded they continue to enjoy the fruits of the narcissist’s largesse. The golden period for the IPPS is the one which creates the truly magical connections, the dizzying delight and wondrous magnificence which becomes addictive. The Golden Period for the IPPS will last from months to years dependent on how long their positive fuel is potent enough, frequent enough and supplied in the desired quantities. A typical golden period will be 6-24 months.
The Golden Period for an IPPS ends because the appliance fails us. This is because the appliance has reduced the potency, frequency and/or quantity of the fuel so that it is no longer sufficient for us and thus devaluation must commence by way of altering the fuel provided and punishing the malfunctioning IPPS. Or the positive fuel no longer is regarded as potent by us because it feels stale. Again, devaluation follows for the reasons just explained. This determination is entirely down to us and there is nothing you can do about it. Devaluation always occurs with the IPPS because this person is who we rely on the most for our fuel provision and is the most important supplier. We thus engage with this person frequently, often live with this person, certainly see them almost every day, talk every day, do much together so we can draw on the positive fuel. The fuel is extremely potent to us and of critical consequence. However, this frequent reliance means that the risk of it becoming stale is very high and therefore devaluation follows. Unlike a NISS or IPSS, devaluation is not a foregone conclusion because of the lower demand placed on these secondary sources for their fuel provision.
Some people who are the IPPS do not experience the fireworks and magic of the Golden Period. Instead, they experience the Bronze Period. This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check so that what is seen is not going to cause the newly targeted victim to retreat. The Golden Period and the Bronze Period both serve the function of hiding the true nature of the narcissist from the victim. The full horror is kept from them. The Golden Period goes further and binds the victim especially to the narcissist, it heightens the addiction of the victim, it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit) during devaluation. The Bronze Period merely keeps the horror under wraps and there will be some favourable treatment but nothing amazing.
The Golden Period for all appliances is an artifice which is designed to enable us to secure our Prime Aims (see The Prime Aims ) chief of which is the provision of fuel. Whether this illusion is used for 30 seconds or years, it is still that; an illusion.
49 thoughts on “The Golden Period”
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Even if it is an illusion, the thought of being in the Golden Period for years and years sounds irresistible, and even just to get the physical “intimacy” for years and years would be nearly worth the pain when it was over. I didn’t say it would be worth the misery, I said “nearly”.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I hear ..it was your “special day of birth” .. how old pray tell 😱
I trust you celebrated in Tudor style
What “mischief” did you get up to … we know you like to cause havoc chaos mayhem and destruction on special occasions ..😂
Care to share … we’re all ears
Seriously …. Many happies and bestest birthday wishes to you
Luv Bubbles xx 🎂🍾🥂🎈🎉💝
Look at all that birthday attention. 31 I presume, Mr. Tudor? 😉
23.
Of course, your favorite number!
You are only 23? I did not know you were so young. I thought you were older.
HG, will a bronze period last between 6 to 24 months as well?
They tend to be shorter.
Thanks. I now know I was given a bronze period rather than a golden period.
I hate that PH. If you have to suffer, it’s only fair to get the golden period first.
I know right!
I hope you at least got to hone your “skills” for when you get back out there. Narcs don’t have the market cornered on rocking your world you know. 😉
I have. It would be nice to have my world rocked and it will not be by a narc. 🙂
It will happen for you PH. You know the signs to watch out for. Be safe!
I watched a TV interview with Jennifer Lawrence (Hunger Games) and I think she is a MMRN somatic (body language: she reminded me of my MMRN) and, based on the pod cast with Elon Musk and one article that I read, he is a UMR Elite.
Elon Musk is very much a narc. He is being sued by the guy who did that cave rescue. Wow, a man helps to rescue trapped boys in a cave and Musk has to insult him. Then he was crying in some interview about his stocks? The car is not working well? Something. I can’t keep track. Not a fan of Lawrence. I don’t see why she is as big a name as she is.
Casting couch.
Do you have inside information HG?
About what?
My questions in relation to the greater lower narcissist who is elite he is a medic and a gym bunny.
With a greater lower narcissist how long would the golden period last with his IPP, being that the IPP is aware and is keeping up the positive supply consistently?
Does being in a long distance relationship, not living together & seeing each other fortnightly extend the golden period?
1. 6-24 months generally.
2. If this is the case, you may not be the IPPS. If this separation has occurred after a period of being together, then you may be the IPPS and this could extend the golden period because the fuel is less likely to go stale BUT it may also run the risk of devaluation because the absence could cause the amount provided and frequency provided to drop below required levels.
It feels like i am the IPPS, there is constant contact, and he is trying to marry me, he drives miles to come and see me and its a non sexual relationship.
his family has gotten involved also. He tells me his friends all know about me also and I am the only women non family member on his facebook. He seems to be very attached to me, like I can break him down.
No I am not crazy trying to marry a narc, I have plans for him.
HG I thought this GP lasting up to 24 months would be if the person was unaware and then became complacent in the relationship so hence the devaluation.
If the the person is aware and keeps the positive supply up will this still not keep the golden period alive? (I need time to excute my plan)
Is that you in that mask, HG? I see blue eyes. This image is very creepy.
No , it isn’t me.
This made me wonder at first, if I had really dealt with narcs. There was no such thing as a real Golden Period. And I think that is because both narcs did not need to go out of their way for me. I ‘picked’ them, I was very much in love with them, I gave them all the fuel they wanted, without asking anything in return.
My cerebral nex would not give a golden period to anyone. He would attract women with his appearance and intelligence/knowledge and probably only made them feel ‘special’ with his attention.
Musician narc attracts women with his looks and his position in a band. I think he will give a Golden Period to the woman he wants to seduce (like beautiful models), but with the women he is seduced by, there is no need for the hard work, they are only meant to play with, gaslight and manipulate.
I think the reason why I was attracted to them was because I saw right through their facade, I sensed their narcissism (although I did not know the true meaning of that). There was something about them I can not describe, other than sensitiveness, probably sadness, vulnerability, which most likely made me want to love, protect and care for them. The feelings are still there and often make me cry, but I know I can not heal them, and they will only hurt me over and over and that’s why I can’t be with them.
This time I’m waiting for a ‘normal’ to give me a real good Golden Period that will last for ever :).
“I think the reason why I was attracted to them was because I saw right through their facade, I sensed their narcissism (although I did not know the true meaning of that). There was something about them I can not describe, other than sensitiveness, probably sadness, vulnerability, which most likely made me want to love, protect and care for them. ”
Blank you summed that up beautifully!
You wrote exactly how I felt but couldn’t describe why.
I’m still so attracted to that type of person, I can sense the danger but also the vulnerabilities. Maybe that’s why I find normals boring.
I also have a soft spot for musicians and poets – creative cerebral types – definitely not somatics at all!
You sound like you have come through the other side and have healed to a certain degree, I hope you find your good guy 🙂
So let me get this right in my head.
When I decide to start courting again, if they disappear, respond then don’t respond, break plans and generally make me feel like I’m chasing them… CUT. They could be all of what you describe above.
I’m going to turn into a mad cut throat – don’t take the piss out of me woman!
Haha Presque Vue, take it easy!
Yes, it’s the kind of men I’m naturally drawn to, just like you. I’m on a datingsite (just looking, not dating -yet-) and everytime I see a face I am attracted to (which hardly ever happens) I can tell he’s a narc. I feel like reaching out, but I don’t and then the guy stays on my mind and I’ll look at him at least another 20 times, trying to read the red flags, before I decide I will not contact him. The guys that contact me are all narcs (lots of poetry, future faking bla bla.. or they are grandpa’s or 20 year old ‘boys’ that wanna get laid and think I’m an easy target (divorced, their mother’s age :))
Good luck with your narc radar PV xx
I hope this responds under blanks comment?
Reply boxes are so random on here!
Aww blank I tried a dating site for two days and then deleted it. Like you, I had almost identical experiences!
What made me really laugh about your response to going back to a profile you liked and found attractive – was the fact you would go back to it 20 times to check for flags again and again! Ditto!
I’m sure they probably think we are weirdos for doing that 🤣
I think it shows how far we are coming along blank 💪😘
Presque Vu,
“I’m sure they probably think we are weirdos for doing that”
They can’t see how many times I view their profiles (thank god) 🙂
“I think it shows how far we are coming along blank 💪😘”
I sure hope so, Presque Vu! Take care! xx
Blank,
Wow, I could have written this exact post myself! My cerebral mid ranger did not really do much overt seduction or golden period, in fact he was manipulating and gaslighting from the very beginning. But I, as you, sought it out instinctively so he didn’t have to expend that energy.
When you say:
“I think the reason why I was attracted to them was because I saw right through their facade, I sensed their narcissism (although I did not know the true meaning of that). There was something about them I can not describe, other than sensitiveness, probably sadness, vulnerability, which most likely made me want to love, protect and care for them.”
This hit me right in the feels!!! I have tried to articulate this feeling, but you have done it for me.
Incidentally, I am back in the golden period with narc…he’s trying mightily to gain my attention with affectionate hoovers now, rather than malign. Perhaps its that upcoming month away on a work assignment looming…so predictable.
Supernova DE, I also come across a lot of comments that tell exactly what I think or feel. Lots of us have experienced the same kind of ordeal. Supernova, you know how fake they are and what you can expect now, so be strong! xx
Hi HG, I had a consultation with you last year.
I was formerly an IPPS (6 years) but then went into devaluation. Among other things I was told I was drinking too much and could come back ‘when I was better’ and in the meantime was told by the narc (who I think was mid-range) that we were in a long distance relationship until this happened.
Meanwhile I started digging and when I went to get my stuff checked his phone, spoke to one (of I believe 3 IPSS’) who it turns out he had been having an on-off affair with for 20 years. Things got very ugly – I didn’t cover myself in glory and we haven’t been in touch since (although he has tried a couple of hoovers). He was livid that I found out. You explained to me that (until I had found out about the others) I had been placed on the shelf as although I had been devalued he had not fully disengaged and was still ringing saying he loved me (then gaslighting me and denying it etc).
I won’t bother going into the full story as it was the usual brutal stuff. I am just wondering what his plans may have been for me if I hadn’t found out. I can’t seem to find anything on the IPPS that has been shelved but I may have missed an article. Would I have ever made it back to the heady heights to IPPS at some point or was I shelved and destined to remain an IPSS from that point on?
You could have been reinstated as IPPS, yes.
Did you have a good birthday weekend, HG?
I cannot remember. So yes!
Fuckin’ A!!! 😂
I didn’t know it was your birthday weekend! Happy Happy!
(Now we have to say ‘birthday weekend’ when older and not ‘birthday’ because my actual birthday was on a Tuesday and I worked.)
Bibi
I’ve always said “Birthday weekend” because I just want more days to celebrate! I’m a big believer in celebrating was much as possible!
Happy Belated Birthday HG
Me too, Windstorm. Or birthday week is more like it!
Birthday weekends are best when blurry.
Mine is this coming…..blur imminent.
Oh, I did not know it was your birthday!
Happy belated birthday HG!!
HG , I was a candidate IPSS being groomed (there was another candidate as well.) He was switching off weekends to see who was the best supply. (Obviously I thought I was the only woman in this situation ) I challenged him and was subsequently disengaged with . Never devalued just disengaged with by an absent silent treatment (ghosted). She was immediately moved across states into his home 6 weeks later and they are officially together in a relationship.
When this happens Is the disengaged IPSS candidate shelved for later? I want to believe he’s done with me for for good . Am I going to be hoovered ? I’ve blocked him but I’m still Paranoid. What do they do with the IPSS candidate who “lost to the other IPSS candidate”?
1. You may have been shelved and not disengaged, either way you can be hoovered at a later juncture if there is a Hoover trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.
2. Will you be hoovered? Depends on the HT and HEC, but there is ALWAYS a risk, you can take steps to manage that risk.
This is all so clear to me now and it’s amazing how accurate you are . He would actually say to me things like , why is it then , this person or that person doesn’t wind me up ? I would point out , it’s because you see them for very short periods of time , for example you visit your sister for an hour when ever you feel like it , anyone can tolerate you for an hour to have a coffee , but they wouldn’t bloody put up with you full time if they were in your company all the time , or your mates once a week at football , you wouldn’t dare show your true self to them , they wouldn’t stand for it, plus you need to keep in with them for the benefits your getting out of it . He doesn’t understand any of this , i now see it in the way you describe HG, but obviously I just thought he was an arsehole to girlfriends at the time . He will never get it , he just sees it as, if people respond to him in a certain way all of the time what’s the problem ?? It’s not him it’s everybody else 🙄When i point out that it’s not the worlds job to make him feel ok and partners are not nurses that are there to manage him !! i might as well talk to the wall. He also doesn’t understand that he couldn’t sustain the bronze period with anyone , it never gets that far because the girlfriends will start to criticise because his behaviours and rigid habits and constant draining behaviour are intolerable to anyone normal . If he read this he wouldn’t understand it. To him it’s all women are the same but there is one out there that is easy going and can manage him 😂😂😂😀😂😀 and all would be well. And the woman on the till when shopping at the same time every week doesn’t annoy him or his sister And she’s a Woman !! or his mates ……… But strangely people at work do , because they tell him what to do ….. cookie cutter.
I could literally put names to these categories apart from cheating , i’ve never caught him , but he’s got his electronic addictions . Anyway probably boring long unnecessary comment but your accuracy is 100 percent