The Perfect Ten of Seduction
The Perfect Ten Sentences of Seduction
What is really meant when we say these words.
1. I love you and I always have
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side. I love the fact you fuel me, allow me to steal traits of your for my own use and you give me shelter, meals and money.
2. We are soulmates
I know you are a big believer in emotional concepts such as love, spirituality and the soul. I need to tap into that and I need to do so quickly. I want to suggest that our love goes beyond this earthly plane on which we stand and it is something all the more ethereal and noble. That ought to impress you and cause you to become bound to me. I am not your soul mate, I am here to steal your soul because I do not have one.
3. I have not loved anyone like this before
There will be half a dozen willing witnesses who will testify to the contrary. In my world however I have deleted them from my mind (except when I fancy hoovering them and triangulating them with you for some extra fuel) and there was nothing like what I feel for you now. They are defunct and redundant, an unfortunate reminder of an abuser who trapped me. They do not matter now, you are all that matters to me now, your fuel, to be accurate, is all that matters to me now.
4. I want us to be together forever
There is no want about it. We are already locked together forever. You may not think this and indeed somewhere along the line you will want to escape me, although quite why that is when you are the problem, is beyond me. Anyway, that is for later. Right now you have agreed (although you will never recall having said such words to that effect) to remain my property for the rest of your life. This means that everything you own, have and are now belongs to me and I will deal with it in whatever fashion I see fit. I will use and abuse you over and over again as this is my right. Just when you think I have disappeared I will be back more. This is a life-long covenant.
5. We have so much in common
What a wonderful occurrence, such serendipity that everything you like I like as well. Even better, all the things that you do not like, I do not like either. It as if we are two halves of one perfect person. That is exactly what I see because all I will do is mirror you. I have spent time watching you, observing you, finding out about you from friends and scouring your internet footprint in order to learn as much as I can about you so that I can present myself as mirror image. I actually cannot stand listening to Coldplay but that isn’t going to stand in the way of my replication so I seduce you with incredible speed and ease.
6. I hate it when we are apart
A rare nugget of truth here. I do hate it when we are apart but for the reasons I have made you think. You think it is because I miss the wonderful, kind, humorous and delightful you. I actually miss all that positive fuel you supply me with when we are together as you are taken in by this illusion that I have created. Moreover I hate the fact that when I am not with you I cannot control your environment and I am concerned that with space to think and breathe you may just see through what I am doing or even worse, you may listen to one of your so-called friends who will be whispering in your ear and briefing against me. I don’t want your head turned elsewhere. I want it looking at me. Always.
7. Nobody can love you the way I do.
Amazingly another piece of truth. Nobody else can love you in this way because none of it is real. This is all made-up in order to attract you and bind you to me because if you saw what I was really like (not that I would ever allow that to happen) you would run screaming and never return. Accordingly, I will love you in a way that you are unlikely to have experienced before by deluging you with desire and then nearly destroying you through malice and vitriolic hatred. Told you I was special.
8. I can’t believe we have only just met. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Let’s live together.
It feels familiar to me because you are giving me positive fuel just like your predecessor and the one before her and the one before her as well. I do not distinguish between you, not really, because you are all appliances to me which I want to ensnare and then drain as you pump out delicious fuel for me to consume. I say this though to make you feel special and because I am obviously so wonderful and brilliant you will be thrilled that someone like me wants to live with you. This will make you grab this marvellous opportunity before you lose it and then I have ensnared you.
9. I need you. I want you. I love you.
Sounds dramatic and romantic doesn’t it? Makes you feel as if everything is focussed on you and I could not live without you. Notice how many times I used the word “I”? That’s because this is all about me and nothing to do with you save for what you can do for me. I really mean that I need your fuel, I want your fuel and I love your fuel.
10. You have saved me.
Yet more drama straight from the romantic handbook. I know your type. That is why I chose you. You like to fix, heal and save. You will have plenty to do in that regard, believe me, but that will come later. For now what I really mean is that you have saved me having to look anywhere else for fuel. Time to feed.
12 thoughts on “The Perfect Ten of Seduction”
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I fell for all of this and married her…now she’s gone.
Lots of typos, you should pay me to be your editor. You are one of my favorite Narc’s so I want you to be on point…lol. Anything short of perfection might send you into a tizzy and drive intelligent empathic readers and thinkers like myself away..
Yes they love the language of seduction….
I’ve been recently told by M2 in his emails to me that he is not moving to France like I thought but is buying it as a bolt hole for now. Hmmm?! He has not spent much time yet with this girlfriend in Vienna. He lives in UK, 15 mins away in car from me.
(By the way this guy is not wanting sex from me, as he would not get that from me anyway and he knows that)
He is a gentleman and has never been horrible to me. He is polite. But he does and has ghosted me a few times which did upset me, and he also did not react to how angry and upset I was…..it was strange. He did it again, and said he could no longer be in contact with me at one point because of his girlfriend apparently. Would not explain anything, and just ghosted me again! Very strange!
He was adopted. He finds it hard to analyse himself. He is very private. Goes under seudynyms. No pics, no details. Doesn’t leave a trace.
He has been emailing most days lately, but often will leave it a few days, then email me again. I do not chase him. I keep it platonic. And I never reply to him straight away. I only ever send one email back. And then wait….
He has at times talked about money and the importance of his job. Or how he gets picked up in a limo! How much he earns or where he is going to travel to next. His car, his piano, places he has been etc
I have no idea if he is for certain a narc, but it made sense with the ghosting and the strange behaviour at times, he may just have traits. He is very introverted, yet can be outgoing if needs be and has to in his work, as he has many people whom he organises and tells what to do…he is often the go between two companies.
He says he has many friends but very few close ones. He has been married before, long while ago, no kids, but she cheated. He is a good cook, vegetarian, and likes living alone, by himself, and likes his own space. He is intelligent, and charming, but in a kinda shy way.
He says these things lately to me:
“I like my mind to be engaged and stimulated”
“You are complicated but I like that”
” A meeting of minds with the right kind of person is more important than anything else ”
“You always look good because you are photogenic”
“I don’t want easy, I want to feel challenged, and that’s what you do to me”
“You challenge me because you are not the norm. You think and react differently to most people and say what you mean”
“I feel quite an affinity with you even though we have not seen each other for many years”
“I want to get to know you better”
He knows some of my history, and background. Knows I’m married. He likes watching “Strictly come dancing” and “masterchef”, hates football. If he had of known about what my father was like when I was younger he says he would have given the bastard hell.
I don’t know what to think anymore…. He seems harmless enough to me. Seems like he just wants to be friends. But does seem vague on subjects. And after he ghosted and I was literally horrible and nasty to him, yet after a few months, if you contact him, its like it never happened. Doesn’t even remember it. Its really strange.
Um can anyone help from those details?!
You have never met him in real life – or if you did it was years ago from school?
He could tell you anything – and is!
I see many warning signs.
If he was a decent man – he knows you are married – he would not be contacting you – he also has a girlfriend. I thought you were married?
If my wife/husband was emailing and speaking about another ‘stranger’ in this way – making a deal out of it – I’d be hurt. Especially if they are not an everyday friend or work colleague – some random stranger or long lost friend from school days…. to be this involved is too involved when you are in a committed relationship.
He doesn’t react because he doesn’t care. He picks you up and drops you, you are irrelevant to him.
Clearly a narc.
The things he says is bullshit.
Rule number one: Question everything
Rule number two: Utilise HG’s work and what he has taught you
Rule number three: DO NOT ignore the red flags
Presque Vu
Thanks for your response….
I’ve met him in real life a few times when I was a younger girl,
as he was in same congregation as I was in. I also met him at other events too due to same outer circles of friends. I went out with him and some other friends a couple of times. He is quiet/shy type. He has been out with some very attractive and pretty women.
He works very hard. Was working in London, now works in Stevenage.
He has moved around a lot. Different jobs etc. He loves cats. Used to have a dog. Narcs don’t like animals do they?
So yes I do know him but always kept him at arms length, then we just lost contact over the years. But we have never got to know one another well. I guess I was the one that kinda got away maybe?
But he has been there in and out of my life (as friends often are) for about 20 years or so. I’ve not had many constants like that. He has only ever been a friend.
He lives closest to me now which I never knew about til last year when he found me on FB out of blue and got in contact again.
There are some concerning signs, but I don’t wanna just label him a narc. How can you tell the difference between ordinary, kinda guys, with maybe some issues, and a narc? Or is just everyone a narc?. Do you get what I mean?!
I’m being more careful, giving it time now, and been trying to suss him out. He is the reason I found HG. I feel connected to him because he has always kinda been there. I don’t mind that its not all the time. Nobody is all the time. Friends are not in contact every day, all the while.
Yes I am married. But I do have quite a few guy friends. I have some good girl mates too. But he is different in the way he is but I don’t want to lose him as a friend.
I do not believe he would tell me lies. But he may well make excuses up as I was more clingy before.
I am questioning everything. Or trying to. I’m not ignoring red flags but at same time I’m not quick to judge him a narc either.
That’s why I’m here, to get help. To investigate I guess. He is about 49/50 now.
I do not feel he is involved with me, is he? What does involved look like? He has not been inappropriate with me in any way.
But I am unable to work out what is what I guess. I have been reading HG’s books, and reading lots here on the site also.
I feel like he has hurt me and played gamed with me, but then he says he would never do that. I don’t know. He is very convincing in what he says.
Any help or clues is appreciated. I will take on board what you have said.
Tigerschelle
I have known many narcs who have a cat or a dog or both. My mother had a kennel and raised dogs.
The aspects you mention here seem contradictory, tigerchelle.
What do you truly want and expect from this man? That might be the first question to honestly answer for yourself. You say you keep it platonic yet you seem emotionally envolved.
You consider him a gentleman, you list a variety of qualities and traits you might consider as indicators for decency and quality and you emphasize he has never been horrible to you. Yet in the next sentence you admit he has ghosted you several times which clearly upset you. You felt hurt and angry. He did not even react to your anger. That does not make him a gentleman or a great friend in the first place if that was what you required.
In general, I would consider being ignored, or being ghosted, as a huge red flag. It must not always be the case that the other person acts with the clear intention to do great harm but being continually ignored when hurting and asking for answers clearly indicates that certain needs are not being met.
Apart from that, and above everything else, he has a girlfriend he is emotionally cheating on with you. You also clearly state you are married. So both of you are in committed relationships. You did not mention anything about your husband here?
What would you then consider “harmless enough”? It sounds a bit as if you were asking for some reassurance that contact would still be ok despite the facts you clearly see yourself.
His actions, creeping around behind his girlfriend’s back having talks with you, are not decent. I would read his lines as an attempt to line you up as supply.
Saskia
Thank you for your response.
It is interesting what people see from the outside, when you are on the inside of something.
To some extent I guess I am emotionally involved. I do get emotionally involved with pretty much everything because I am an emotional person. I often find it difficult to separate emotion from everything else.
So that’s why I am asking, because I often cannot see clearly or look at things from a clear perspective. Having BPD, and much of the time ruled by intense mood swings, I often have to ask others about things because I cannot always trust my own judgements which really sucks.
Yes I am married. 14 years this October. I am not asking for reassurance but rather, does he sound or seem like a narc from others experience and perception? Or has someone seen familiar patterns in their narc that seem like this?
His girlfriend, he is not in a physical relationship with her, as they are just still getting to know each other. I don’t know if she is made up. She could be. I have considered this. Its a long distance relationship.
I don’t really supply him with anything. I do not even echo his statements back, like if he says: ” you look good” I don’t say “you look good too”. Nor do I say: “oh thank you” as if I accept a compliment from him, as I don’t accept them by default anyway.I would have thought I’m not really a good supply, because of how I am.
If he says: “the interest for you is still there”, I don’t say: ” it is for you also”. I may just ask: “why?”
If he says: ” i like to be challenged and that’s what you do to me”, I will say back: “I don’t do anything to you, its all perhaps in your head?!”
Ghosting and ignoring is not nice, and yes it does hurt, but I’ve met so many males who do this, that it kinda seems commonplace to me. I always think maybe I’m too much, and they have to back off. Or they just don’t wanna talk. I know with my own husband, they like time in their nothing box, space. So it could just be he needs more space. He says work tires him out and by the time he gets home, he is pretty much done for. And I know what thats like as I used to work full-time.
So I am checking that this is not just normal typical guy behaviour or is it typically only narcs that do and say these type of things?
Harmless enough I guess is keeping him in the “friends” box, and emailing every so often. To me it doesn’t seem like he is pursuing me but like I said I’m not so good when it comes to this. I don’t pick up on guys looking at me when I go out, but my hubby says they do. I never believe him. I think he is just saying it.
I certainly do not feel like I’m cheating with him.
If he was texting all day and every day, emailing, and trying to call, then maybe, but he isn’t. I guess I go by actions, and he is not trying to meet up, and he is not trying to call me, or ask me personal questions. Not trying to push the conversation a certain way. Nor trying to turn it to something inappropriate.
Its not like I can ask him, are you a narc, because he wouldn’t know most likely.
I appreciate your comments, thank you.
tigerchelle78
I am also learning just like you. Because of my BPD, I tend to get emotionally involved very easily. I used to have problems trusting my own judgement as well and would defer to my ex in many cases. I find I have difficulty in separating my emotions from my logic. All of those qualities my ex used against me when he would devalue me. I feel that having BPD makes us a magnet for narcs. You don’t feel like you are good supply for him because of how you are. Maybe, just maybe he “knows” about your BPD and that is one of the reasons you are so attractive to him. I disagree that you do not supply him with anything. You supply him with fuel which is why he keeps coming back for more. Does this make any sense to you?
Brokenrainbow
I’ve just seen this, so sorry for not getting back to you.
I’m glad to meet another fellow survivor and someone with BPD also. Its a huge learning curve for us. Trusting our own judgement is problematic. I agree separating emotions from logic is much harder for us.
Yes, I do or can get emotionally involved very easily too which can be easily used against us. But then we do have our own weapons too.
I never feel like I’m a good supply, and I even encourage them elsewhere.
Some say we are magnets for narcs, but since I’ve been here, I’ve seen that narcs prefer different types of targets. So maybe we attract a type of narc.
With regard to my friend narc “M”, yes he does know I have BPD, and he is always saying he wants to understand me and I believe to some extent we have been testing each other…a week ago, we arranged to meet for a drink, which ordinarily I wouldn’t usually do, but I was testing him. (I arranged that hubby would take me and he was going to be playing pool while myself and M catch up after years). So I was not going alone.
We chatted online the night before quite a bit, and he said he was no longer with his girlfriend. He asked me if I have a passport that evening strangely enough. Also I told him a little about HG’s site, and what I had been learning here…..to see what he says, and he asked “who is he, and are you in contact with him?”
Again, kinda strange….
Anyway, we had the arrangement, but on the morning of the day we were meant to see each other, he cancelled, saying he and his girlfriend have spoken on phone, and he has to pick her up from the airport and take her to her shoot, as its a week early, so could not make it and apologised.
I smiled when I got this message, because I almost predicted he would bail out, and it would not happen.
Then he messaged me saying it was good to see her and get to know her, (when he would have been seeing and getting to know me that day), and so I messaged him back, saying I was happy for them to be together again. And that it was only right he spend time with her as their relationship is long distance.
I then told him very firmly that I don’t usually ever go out on a limb like that, and arrange to meet someone, and that it took trust to do that.
I told him that I was disappointed only in the fact that never again would he have the opportunity nor would I trust him again to meet up. He got one chance! I will not go there again.
He has now disappeared I guess off the face of the earth, as he does, as I never got a reply from that, and I’ve not bothered with him since. But I no longer get upset, nor get angry, (not like how I used to get). I just leave him be. He hasn’t blocked me nor me him.
I guess there was some fuel in all that. But not enough to be bothered with. He is one strange cookie….
He knows I will not chase him, or go looking for answers, (not anymore) and he has to prove by actions if I am to trust him. It takes a lot to get my trust.
Word for word on most of these. 💔
Knowing that I was an appliance, a piece of furniture, a toy, hurts. But I am glad to know instead of continually being tricked.