7 Pleas of The Narcissist To Stop You Escaping
1. After everything that I have done for you.
How can you leave me after everything that I have done for you? I gave you the world and now you have thrown back in my face. I of course only gave you everything because I wanted something from you. I did not give you my all because I loved you. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. I want to blackmail you into staying. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay.
2. But we belong together.
We do belong together because I own you. I bought you with my false affection and dishonest love. I attached you to me and bound you in chains that are long and thick and you dare try to cast off those shackles. I do not know where you end and I begin. You thought that was romantic the first time I told it you but I was actually telling you a rare truth. You and I are one because you are subsumed into what I am, I consume you, I envelope you and I control you. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. You are tearing me in half. There is no you. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. What has been joined together can now not be undone.
3. I will die without you.
You cannot leave me because if you do you shall surely tear my poor heart from out of me. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. This will leave me panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy in order to gather fuel from other sources, if I am able to that is. If I cannot I will no longer exist and it is all because of your selfish, wicked behaviour. How can you cut me down like this? How can you slay me in such a callous fashion? Heartless harpy, seditious slattern and callous crone that you are.
4. I cannot help what I do.
You cannot leave me just because of what I have done and what I have not done. How is that fair? I thought you were a fair person, open-minded and caring, are you not? I doubt it now as you are intent from getting away from me and all because of the way I have treated you. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. You make me that way with the things that you do. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. How can I explain that it is just something that happens when you are walking away from me? I never intended for it to happen you know, it just happens and you should be the one apologising to me because you make me lose my temper with your control and the games you play,you are doing it now you fucking bitch, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you. It is your fault. Not mine. I can’t help it.
5. Why do you want to spoil everything?
I really do not understand you at times. I mean, what do you have to complain about? We live in a beautiful house, you have an expensive car, a platinum Amex and I let you do whatever you want but still it is never enough is it? Yes, I know I sometimes i have to lay down the law but if I didn’t you would spend us out of existence. Do you know how hard I have had to work to build all of this? It doesn’t just spring up overnight and I did it for us. You have used me. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. You would be nothing without me, do you know that? You have a fantastic life, all provided by me, there are hundreds of other women who would give their right arm to be with someone like me and you are going to throw it all away and leave. I knew there was something not right with you, you need help,you are insane. Ask anyone and they will agree with me.
6. Who will help me now?
You cannot leave me, who else is going to help me? I have kept you here under figurative lock and key, a virtual prisoner in your own home because not only do I need you to fuel me but I need you to mother me. That was the agreement when we got together. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow.
7. Don’t go, I will change. I promise.
You really are going to go aren’t you? Good Lord, I didn’t see that coming. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. A crack around the face has worked in the past but something in your eyes tells me that even giving you a good hiding won’t stop you going, even if you have to crawl out of that front door. I know, I will throw myself on your mercy. You will like that. You have always been trying to save me, well here is your chance. I will change. I will get help. Just please do not go. Of course I mean it. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. I swear it on the lives of anyone who springs to mind so it seems like I really mean it. Of course I don’t, why should I change? The only thing that will change is my primary source of fuel but that is not ready yet so you need to stay. Please. I will change. Don’t go.
21 thoughts on “7 Pleas of The Narcissist To Stop You Escaping”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
…”panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy”…
Sounds about right
Is it normal for a lesser MidRange Nomad say and do all this but can only “commit” to it for a month ? And is it usual for them to seem always single not show off their IPSource ?
Those are matters which can occur, yes.
Usefull thank you so much ! .
I never heard one of these. However, it said, “I never beg”. My reply back was “neither do i”. I didnt ask that thing to come back. Period.
See,.. I grew up with a sociopath for mother. We siblings grew up in violence. We don’t beg for shit. We all 3 will go supernova psychotic empath on these creatures. The only one to beg would be the narc if all 3 of us attack at once. No fucks given from any one of us either. We’ve had enough bullshit for life.
Just saying’.
HG, is startling someone and causing them to jump and scream in response fuel? As a HSP, I startle very easily. I’ve always been a target for people that think it’s funny to scare me. (Not funny to me btw.). Is hiding and jumping out causing a reaction be good fuel? Would this be a typical narc tactic?
Yes.
My BIL does it to me very often. He does it in a spirit of harmless playing. I don’t find it funny. Give me something I can say afterwards instead of yelling “I hate you!” Which is my auto-response.
MB
I used to have to put up with that a lot marrying into a family full of narcs. My best results were to stay as absolutely unemotional and still as possible, say nothing to the offender and completely ignore them. Maybe roll my eyes at someone else present. Seemed especially effective if the person I rolled my eyes to was older, more powerful or a narc.
WS, Thank you for your advice. I am unable to control my reaction to the actual event, but I should be successful afterwards.
It still happens accidentally in my house and non-Narcs find it quite amusing as well. However, they have been asked not to do it on purpose because it bothers me. They comply because they care about me. No Narcs live in my house. Thank God!
After one of my BILs scares, I will shake and have a sore throat from screaming for several hours. It would do no good to ask him not to as it would most likely cause the frequency to increase.
MB
No. I assume this BIL is a narc. Asking him to stop would be counterproductive. If what you described had happened repeatedly to me and I had such a violent reaction like you describe, I would have probably reacted violently. Something like immediately slapping him, punching him, etc. and explaining that was my reflex to his action. My Pretzel MnM would have stepped in to prevent escalation and backed the BIL off. Where is your husband when this happens? Does he not do anything to stop it?
WS, BIL is a narcissist. LMR I suspect although I won’t waste any of my HG budget to find out. I don’t really give a FF. My sister knows how he is and has put up with it for 25+ yrs. She helps me at work. He stops in at random times, but most often to monopolize her lunch. Other times, he is texting or calling. That’s where he does it, at my job where he has an audience to laugh and for him to brag how bad he got me. My husband isn’t there. Besides, my husband knows if he tries to stand up for me, it embarrasses me and I get angry at him. I tell him to let me handle things my way. I don’t stand up for myself because he’s just “playing and horsing around”, right? So I’d look like a bitch that couldn’t take a joke. So I just shake and have a sore throat while everybody laughs. I’m a good sport. I can laugh at myself. They never know how it bothers me.
MB
I’m obviously not “a good sport.” I have no qualms at looking like a “bitch that can’t take a joke”. If it hurts/bothers me that much, it’s not a joke, it’s abusive. I’ve had enough abuse in my life, thank you very much. I don’t need any more. But then I’ve never had very good social skills and care very little what others think. That’s why I live out in the woods! 😝
Hello MB,
Since you already know your BIL is going to do it again, his behaviour has become predictable, repetitive, monotonous and dull by now.
When narcissists bait me, I try to remain as calm as possible and I say to myself: “Don’t take the bait.”
As for him, I would tell him something like: “It does not work on me anymore.” or just say “Boring” to him. This said in a neutral tone of voice as if you were telling him ‘It’s ten o’ clock’.
He will do it again in order to test you but he will reduce the frequency or he will try something else to get any kind of emotional reaction. Do not give him any fuel.
It takes time and practice but you will eventually succeed, MB!
My ex, a narcissisit, told me: I have no feelings for you.” As if I did not know. I didn´t respond, knew where we were heading and took my precautions: had a wonderfull time with him on his isle, meeting precious people who now lend me their house or places to tent.” I love the isle, so he used me, taking sex away, but that did not matter, I just wanted the isle and make connections, friendships”. And I succeeded – I have no feelings for him, but if he offers me to stay the night – I will agree and brin my tent and sleepingbag, because he will change his will, he will suffer anger directed towards me and suffer
inferiority <3 I love it – Bring it on narc …. I´m all in. Let game begin again – I MISS u LOL 😀 and look forward to my vacation – so do contact me, I will lie and tell you how equilibristic you are – how I miss (ed) you etc. an d I promise not to ruin my joy by telling how you did not perform in bed-
MB
Kick your BiL right in the balls next time he does that. Then express shock and say: whoa! looks like my startle reflex has evolved.
NarcAngel
Yes! Totally agree!
Hahaha! This cracked me up, NA.
Also, MB – I know it’s not funny topic for you and hope you find a way around it. I personally would have trouble *not* lashing out verbally (and maybe physically) at a person doing this to me, so I hope you find a way to resolve it *and* not fuel your BIL.
By the way, I love how you state that you wouldn’t waste your “HG budget” on him…that’s a great term.
MB,
Oi! I respond like that too. If I’m concentrating and someone just appears– I’ll scream bloody murder, flapping my hands, and bounce up & down. Yep, just like a chicken.
This reminds me of someone I’ve had repeatedly ambushing me for a couple years. I’m about ready to cut ties altogether, not looking forward to fallout, but I’m getting pissed enough to get nasty. It’s not a jump scare thing, it’s a showing up and pushing my boundaries, pressing my buttons, trapping me into situations I can’t easily get out of (like you say “at work”, he has you cornered) thing and damn fucking sure on purpose.
This stuff infuriates me. And yet seems to happen repeatedly. Because I have to be “patient” and “understanding” and then the boundaries get closer in this insidious, invisible way until I’ve gotta yell at somebody because it becomes undeniable insensitivity.
And then further frustrations, because as pointed out, my husband will not say anything, or I argue about it like you are saying MB because I don’t trust him to handle it right even if he did. Maybe that’s my problem.
In my case my “friend” is encouraging his behavior and is actually the one being most insensitive, she keeps shoving him at me. It’s become some tandem assholery.
I hate having to deal with somebody else’s terrible husband choice, it’s hard enough to manage my own sphere, I had someone I know sending her jerk husband to my work a few years ago, wth, I thought she liked me.
She ended up divorcing him shortly after, thanks a lot.
Sorry, irritable.
I know this is completely off topic HG, but can you play any Rachmaninoff on piano?
That would definitely stop me from leaving…..if a man played Rachmaninoff, even Chopin….