The Eight Exploitations of Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
25 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”
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What are you if not an empath and not a narcissist? Or, are all non-narcs considered empaths in varying degrees?
Kathy
Re: not an empath and not a narc.
I’ve heard rumours that there are those called “normals”. A rare species it would seem. I can’t get to the bottom of who it is that decides.
Kathy & NA, I can only weigh in on the people that I am around using what I’ve learned about narcissists and empaths as a comparison. I am married to a normal. I am an empath. I have two sons, one normal, one empath. I can also classify my co-workers (all men) most of which are normals. Narcissism stands out a mile to me now. We have one full blown NPD out of 27 with two more high on N traits. Male empaths are more difficult to pick out but we have at least one.
Hg,
About what age do you think most narcs became narcs? Less than 1years old? Between 1 and 3? Between 5-10? Older?
Before 10.
So true best friend was a full fledge narc by 13
Dear Mr Tudor,
This is just so beautiful …..I had to share with all you lovelies
https://youtu.be/
Luv Bubbles xx 💜
Oops …techinical problem … try again ..sorry
https://youtu.be/ChcR2gKt5WM
It’s sad how often empaths are exploited. Not just by narcissists but by anyone who sees us as a means to an end. We are kind, giving, helpful, understanding and willing to go the extra mile. What’s not to like? Or better yet what’s not to exploit? It hurts to recognize how often this happens, but:
I don’t require you in my life. I don’t need or want a person that thinks I’m just there to be their doormat every time they need help. If you push an empath far enough you WILL lose. You will lose out on all the benefits of being on good terms with us. Which, if you think about it, is a pretty big loss.
I believe I am an empath! I was pushed so much for 20 years by a narc I couldn’t take it anymore!! At the time I didn’t understand his personality but now I see it very clearly. Thanks to HR and You Tube. He wanted the divorce. We had to live together for 3 months following our divorce while our house sold. I discovered right after the divorce he had a girlfriend behind my back I figured out for over a year before our divorce was final. I had no clue, but the day our divorce was final he let that secret out. He was very clever and sneaky. My point to all this is you are right if they push to far they lose. He didn’t think I would go through with him divorcing me. A week before our trucks picked up our belongings to go our separate ways he had the adacity to ask me, “is there any change?” I said no change. I had enough mental abuse and feeling like nothing! !! You see he wanted to continue his life behind my back, keep the nice house etc. He LOST!
It was definitely my tenacity that kept me in the narc loop.
I’ve also found that as a victim of my mother’s narcissism I hate feeling out of control. It’s what got me every time in relationships.. So to avoid it, I tried handing over control to my partner in the first place (but then ended up being unfulfilled of course, as nobody was willing to take on themselves the onus of being my ideal parent (psychologically)). Little wonder some of us empaths question whether we too are narcs – we’re not, but our behaviour often is narcissistic.
It’s not empathy that makes us vulnerable, it’s a lack of boundaries and self-awareness. Having been consumed by my mother, I failed to establish a strong sense of self. It’s still a work in progress for me. Keep on keeping on – we’ll get where we want to be, as soon as we establish where that is!
HG, Do you think you’ve ever come across an empath that’s clearly resistant and wondered if they probably are one of your narcsite disciples putting your lessons to play?
No, I haven’t.
HG, that may be because you haven’t met one of us yet. You’d be challenged hehe. Or are you too arrogant to admit it. One is only as good as one’s teacher and you are an excellent teacher.
Narcs are everywhere where I live. It’s an unusual place, one of a kind on Earth. One is either an empath or narc. I swear on me mother’s grave. ‘Normal’ people are the tourists. So it is only natural or normal that when I go somewhere, narcs come out of their hermitages searching for fresh empath meat.
So I met this extremely attractive Greater a year ago. I took an art course from him. This was pre-HG. Post-HG I decided to take another course from him. My mating strategy is pre-emptive strike! So I play with him now. This time around. He’s my ‘normal’ and I can’t go into detail wphere what I’d really like to play! But I learned here that him wanting me will never lead to anything but HELL. I just wish you Greaters would play fair just once.
Of course we play fair Pixie, our version of fair is your version of unfair – remember the different perspectives.
Empaths are wonderful. So happy we weren’t born as parasites, manipulating people, lying even to ourselves, sneaking around low life’s always up to something raunchy and distasteful. Well so much for their ‘image’.
Dear Empath’s, Just know that narcissists exist. You didn’t have that knowledge until now. But don’t change. You have qualities a narc can only pretend to have, and he’s jealous. Don’t allow bad people to dim your light. Spread your light. Just don’t bother shining it on a narc. They’re the ones that aren’t normal, they’re overly passionate, too sexually suggestive, compliment themselves, too charming like they’re selling themselves, compliment you too much, you know what to look for, you’re experts at narcissism now. The world needs good people. Take out the narcissists, don’t let them take out the empaths.
I love what you said. Also, because of everything that I have learned here, my anger and bitterness are gone now. I used to literally imagine my narcissist mom’s angry (or more like furious) face whenever I am not having a good day, or remember everything that I have done for some family members that were never enough, etc. Now I know that they are never truly happy, like I see Mr. Tudor always say, “I don’t do happy.” It makes me understand that we empaths and normals are actually so blessed. I would rather be poor as long as I am still happy. I just pray for them that finally they get what they need that will make them happy. And that I can unconditionally love them as fellow humans who are also struggling, but I don’t need to be a part of their lives. I can just pray for them and love them from a distance (as long as I don’t show emotion when they are around me because that’s fuel.)
Thank you Kelly.
I still believe : if you truly love yourself …you can never hurt another.
Walk away. Spend your time loving those that truly love you back.
This makes me feel incredibly sad. Everything I thought I had finally found.. right here in black & white.. only to **BOOM** blow up in my face.
I’m so gullible, it’s pathetic.
How do we ever learn to trust again? I’m not sure if it’s possible. I really struggled to with the last ex- and it was extremely difficult. I wonder how many people go on to have successful relationships?
Don’t lose hope! There are great guys out there and there are more of them than narcs. I am married to one amazing guy. But they will probably not give you the most intense butterflies and the incredible romantic highs that narcs tend to give. But they will not devalue and discard you. There will be times that you will want to strangle each other but they are not because you are being intentionally devalued, it’s just because we are human. And at the end of the day, despite the fight, you can count that you will still get a goodnight kiss and that you still love each other. Just watch out for the red flags. Fortunately Mr. Tudor wrote books on what to look out for to see if the person seducing you is a narc or not. Basically if it looks too good to be true, then it probably is.
Dearest some chick,
“Gullible” has been my middle name …. “pathetic” no … we are just amazingly good people that the world needs more of and the nasties will always exploit us and continue to do so
Please don’t feel sad, feel glad you are on a quest for learning (to your advantage)
“Knowing” people is a skill ….we just need a little more “fine tuning” than others at knowing “ourselves” in order to select who we allow in
Our need for “approval” and to be “loved needed and wanted” creates rash decisions, usually to our detriment
As humans we are “selective” in life’s purchases and in what brands we buy
We take time in grooming (applying our eyeliner or buying a nail polish, skin care routine) eating healthy or ordering a meal, exercising, buying a dress or a pair of shoes , grocery shopping, even buying a house to how we clean and present our home, what music we choose, buying a car or who we vote for
We need to do the same in our choice of a “partner” or friends (we dont get a refund or exchange for faulty goods) …… “buyer beware” ….. as they say
Take your time my lovely and never rush …. your decision making will be sharper and an informed one
Mr Bubbles is the closest to “trust” …will ever get for me ….he helped make it that way… I call that a success
Please try not to be too sad or disheartened … I always say its a “maturing, growing and learning experience” …. (hard as it is)
From my experience ….. the “best” things happen when you least expect it … and that was Mr Bubbles
Heartfelt wishes my lovely
Luv Bubbles xx
Ps …. I didn’t choose the weasel (narc), he chose us
Geez… this is so me. How many times have I been surprised when my honesty backfires against me. Equality, that is one of the hallmarks of how I treat people. These traits are essential part of who I am. Changing them would be impossible. But the knowledge that I get from your work has opened my eyes. I used to believe that all people are inately good or trying to be good and everything would be fixed if only we all see from each other’s perspective. I used to rebel at all of the things that my narcissist mom told me about how bad people are. I wanted her to know that people are actually good and that she just has paranoia so she thinks everybody is jealous or envious or out to get her (or me). But now I know that what she was telling me was her truth, and that there are people like her and not like me. So now I will be more cautious and instead of giving a default trust and benefit of the doubt on everyone that I meet, I will now assess their behaviour in order to get to know them and stick with my boundaries and principles. Thank you so much!