Exorcism
Banish the beast !
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26 thoughts on “Exorcism”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Banish the beast !
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Finished this one last night, very helpful, thank you, HG.
I am pleased that is the case.
So here I am on page 90 of 105, all set to finish it tonight. I’ve already done some of the purging, will go through the house this weekend with a girlfriend, bearing in mind everything I read in Exorcism. That’s the good news.
The bad need is that iPhone voicemail lists BLOCKED messages, and there was one today. And because I am apparently brain damaged, I listened to it. Here is the transcription, the blanks I assume were not audible enough to transcribe but I understood it all when listening and you’ll get the gist too:
“Hello Wissh this is D. um I’m leaving you this message because frankly that’s just too much to text ______________ Went to the doctors today um and _____ the first step is _ _____ __ they’ll give me some kind of test to check to see if there are any blockages in my um blood vessels by injecting dye and taking pictures um and they’re saying I’m gonna be having open heart surgery in the next week or two um______ valve I think that’s what they said um fundamentally I’m too good a candidate for open-heart surgery for them to do the surgery through my leg so um I’m going to be in the hospital for 5 to 7 days um and he says it’ll probably take me a couple of weeks to recover from that completely but I don’t think it will um you know so anyway just thought I’d let you know because I know you would want to um I had promised I’d tell you you take care sweetie bye…”
I could really use your thoughts here, anyone who’s inclined to chime in. Does this ring true? Is he lying? Is this a hoover? There have been no hoovers, and even before I went fully NC, which I did for my own craziness not because he was trying to contact me, he went silent and has not tried to call me. (I’m not clear on whether it was an escape or a discard. To me it was me breaking up with him for the umpteenth time, but what made this one different is that he let me go. So maybe a discard?) Anyway, in the beginning, there were texts only on Saturdays during our team’s football games and only about what was happening in the game as though we were watching together instead of three states apart.
Anyway, that is the past. Through voracious reading of HG’s books (8 so far) as well as this blog and the comments, and the Narc detector consult, I felt (feel!) I was (am!) doing really well putting narcex behind me. Until this stupid voice mail. Why does it even alert you of blocked messages? Why did I listen to it?! And now that I have, what do I do with that information? Why did he tell me? If he’s lying, and he’s an excellent, accomplished, and frequent liar, then I guess it is a hoover. But if he’s telling the truth, why is he telling me? Does he need a nurse? Am I supposed to offer to come out there and take care of him? Actually, I can’t quite even imagine him wanting that because wouldn’t his family be around? He kept me separate from his family. Regardless, can I simply be so heartless as to ignore it?
Ugh, there goes my night’s sleep.
Wissh
For what its worth – my thoughts:
Any contact is a hoover
Your confusion confirms the need for NO contact. You should erase without reading anything that does get through.
His health is not your concern even if it is true.
There is no point in locking the doors and leaving open a window.
Thank you, NC! How ridiculous is it that I was feeling a bit sad because I hadn’t received a hoover for me to ignore?!
Wissh
Everyone’s going to say don’t respond and I agree with them. There’s a good chance he’s lying or at least exaggerating. Let’s say he actually was being truthful. Since he kept you separate from his family, then no, you should not be the one to nurse him. If he really wanted to talk or be with you now, he’d keep calling or try to see you. Since he’s not. It’s probably just a hoover.
If it were me, and I thought there was a good chance he was serious, I would NOT call him or try to see him. I would light candles and say prayers for any tests/procedures to go well. If and when I ever did see or actually talk to him (unavoidably), and he brought up his surgery, then I’d tell him I’d been saying prayers and was glad to hear they were effective. End of story.
Windstorm
We were long distance, and only saw each other every three weeks, so I’m never going to accidentally run into him, and that’s a very good thing. I haven’t seen him since June. Holy sh*t, why am I even still thinking of him in any terms at all four months later? Anyway, thank you, that’s some very wise advice and I appreciate it.
WS
Prayers are fuel!
K
Prayers are only fuel if the person learns that you prayed for him. Here in Kentucky if a narc is irritated that you never called him or followed up on his/her Hoover’s, hearing that you prayed for whatever problem they complained about tends to shut them up. It makes them uncertain and they tend to back off. This may not work as well in other cultures.
WS
My MMRN’s matrinarc would have loved your prayers (fuel) and candle lighting (more fuel). God and the catholic church was a giant part of her facade.
She would have painted you white and gave you a fresh batch of Pizzelle (Italian waffle cookies) and then she would have gotten more fuel from the cookie for prayers exchange (because you would thank her and tell her that her cookies were delicious).
She was devious. She used cookies (and food) to get fuel.
K
I understand what you’re saying. And I understand how abusive your mother is. If i met her and knew she was your mother, or that she had perpetrated abuse on her family, I would avoid her. If, however, I don’t know evil about a narc I take each narc at face value.
I don’t mind giving out positive fuel, if they have me painted white and are not abusive to me. If they are family, I avoid them as much as possible and provide positive fuel when around them.
To be honest, I have the most ugliness from the codependents, lieutenants and narc apologists for perceived (and often long ago) lack of support they feel I provided the family narcs. When they paint me black, it’s a permanent black! Lol!
I actually get along better with the narcs themselves.
WS
I hear ya. I usually give positive fuel or none at all. It is so much easier once you stop fighting. Life is so much better now that I know exactly what I am dealing with (narcissists) and how to handle them.
My mother painted me black decades ago and I still remain in scapegoat status. Like you, I avoid my family; they are all nuts.
K,
May I ask, are all your family narcissists? Or just protecting those that are? Why is it that families just accept the status quo when there’s so much abuse going on? They know, they see, they hear, but do nothing, except make excuses for that bad behavior. Do you know why?
Hello IdaNoe
My last tally, if I remember correctly, was 62 narcissists in my family and my older sister is an empath and I suspect two female cousins may be empaths.
I think the reason why is because denial is part and parcel of the self-defense mechanism that is NPD. They need to maintain their false reality.
Based on my experience growing up with narcissists, when anyone protested (mostly narc on narc), he or she was physically abused, gas lighted, blame shifted or threatened, essentially, controlled so superiority/facade was maintained.
NPD abuse was denied, rewritten, glossed over and minimized by the family as a whole. It was our normal.
K, we are your family now!
MB
Of course, you all are!
wissh
He is looking for fuel. The Hoover Trigger (HT) and Hoover Execution Criteria (HEC) were met; ignore it! It is NOT heartless; it is what is best for you.
It reminds me of: The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy.
Do not fall for this pity play/hoover/manipulation! Get that ET under control.
Don’t worry you will figure out if it was an escape or a disengagement later as your understanding increases.
Thank you for your input, K. I’m happy to report I’m not responding and haven’t even looked at the VM screen to see if any further blocked messages have come in. Sometimes my strength amazed me, other times I feel like Jell-O. 🙄
My pleasure wissh
The “strength/Jell-O” stage will get better as your ET overtakes your LT.
You will find your land legs soon enough.
I am reading “Fuel” now. This is comes next….
After having dealt with a narc/narcs in your life, it’s likely that you are confused and your self-esteem has gone. For me, I have come to understand what narcs are about, thanks to HG and this blog. Next for me and perhaps for others also is the question: who am I, who was I, where am I going from here? Yesterday I came across this https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/self-knowledge-quiz/ and I thought it might be helpful in questioning yourself and make things more clear. That’s why I’d like to share it, if HG will allow me to do so.
Blank -aaaaah! Excellent and scary…..
“What slightly unhealthy things feel attractive in a partner? How might this relate to your opposite sex parent? ”
Ouch! Domination! Damn damn double damn! He ruled with an iron fist!
Thank you for the link, I just skimmed over it but I WILL go through it again! Thanks again!
Thank you, Blank, I skimmed and saved it for bedtime reading later. I’m looking forward to it.
A must read in ones journey to becoming free.
Excellent book HG!!
Thank you.
Agreed, it was most helpful! Thanks HG!