The Female of My Species
Naturally, I have been providing you with the benefit of my thoughts and actions from a male perspective, because, oddly enough I am a man. Whilst men make up the majority of my kind, we do have some formidable female operatives in our midst and there is much to be gleaned from their behaviours. As a rule, they tend to be a little more subtle in their behaviours and they use sexual allure as a major magnet to ensnare their target, be they male or female. In order to get inside the female mind and how she behaves I would commend to you these publications which are available as digital and paperback copies from Amazon. I have included the links below for you.US http://www.amazon.com/Narcissist-Seduction-Disorder-Book-1-ebook/dp/B012IRN3FQ
CA http://www.amazon.ca/Narcissist-Seduction-Disorder-Book-1-ebook/dp/B012IRN3FQ
AUS http://www.amazon.com.au/Narcissist-Seduction-Disorder-Book-1-ebook/dp/B012IRN3FQ
UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Narcissist-Seduction-Disorder-Book-1-ebook/dp/B012IRN3FQ
50 thoughts on “The Female of My Species”
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Ah.
There has been a few.
Interestingly, there were more female narcissists than males at work. To my knowledge, none of the females were gay yet at times it seemed that they were.
There was another female (not connected to work) that was obsessed about everything I did. It was absolute, utter madness. She went too far. She had two ‘masks’ and I saw them both, not everybody did but they heard. I was “protected” by the male MRN via work but he was really protecting himself – his facade!! On that “episode” of actions / sayings / letters that came from that one female can be so likened to ‘Single White Female’ combined with ‘Fatal Attraction’. Unfortunately for her, she is not me. Yet, she was supported by someone in an authority position, I suspect the real reason being that I have strong morals, character (when I am mentally / emotionally ok ! ). I was also a ‘threat’ to that authority person because I am honest with no ‘facades’ as such.
Ok, I asked myself, which are worse – male or female narcissists? It depends in what context. A female narcissist’s jealousy can make them (in my view) more dangerous than males.
I watched a documentary on Amazon Prime last night about a female, Gemma Baker from the UK, that posed as three different boys to seduce two different female friends. Very interesting! If you have Prime and get a chance, it’s a good Narc story.
Ok. I started reading book 1 and now I can’t stop!!!!!!!!!
Some parts of her behavior crack me up! “I want to see you but I can’t. I have to go now but I can’t go because I want to see you. Yet I can’t, but I want to, so when?”
I can totally see how the guy gets dizzy! Lolol! Freaking bipolar disorder in action except it is a permanent state!
I swear god I will do some of that shit next time I talk to a narcissist. In fact, right now there is one that sounds just like a greater hunting me down. Every time he sends me a message and I don’t answer, I can feel the fury churning.
“Interesting…very disappointing….but interesting. Has left me wondering why. I wanted you in a way that was almost primal in it’s intensity.
Be well.”
Sure. Then I say hi and 60 text messages pour in in a split of a second ranging from “what happened?” to “when am I going to meet you?” to “i want you in my arms and I want to do this and that to you”.
this narc is anything but passive aggressive. There is no silent treatment. There is caustic sarcasm and bombarding of very specific questions.
I sit and watch. Now that I know what the hell he is, it amuses me to no end…
I will try some of this crazy bat shit communication with him and see his reaction. This is fun!
Taylor is one of the composers. Not really shocking….
Hi Mr. Tudor. I’ve carried this one around, in my mind, for a long time. Let me share it with you. When I started dating my husband, I noticed something madly off about his niece. His only niece. He comes from a very small family, you see. I was treated as if I was entering “her” world the first night he took me over to her place. Her body language was suggestive and inappropriate around him. In a way that had nothing to do with him, directly, but with me. You see, her hands were all over him! “Her favorite” uncle! Then there were the many selfies with them. In the pics, my husband is looking like he is just tolerating her, and wants to get away… But there she is in this pink tube dress all over him, with this look in her eyes, like, ” don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” I know right. It had nothing to do with him. It was like he was an instrument in her conquest!
Then when we were leaving that particular night. I still don’t know what was the point in disclosing to us that she was on her periods? Anyway, she’d put on this really tight jeans, and leading the way as she walked us out. I felt like a wall flower, and it was totally creepy.
I asked him to no longer post any pics of us on his social media because she gets annoyingly competitive when he does. If she makes any comment, it’d be like, ” looking good uncle”… no like, no mention of me, yet there’s both of us in the picture… and I know why… it’s a poisionous message, as you talked about in the devaluation video. I was more irritated than hurt. Since, he’s her uncle for Christ sake.And it is just ridiculous. Her energy is nasty. She loves rolling around in the attention. And i’m like, bitch, get a grip. To myself of course. She totally creeps me out. So I ignore her. But i’m the one who has to remind my husband to call when her birthday comes around. She is older than him, well, because his sister was a teenage mom.
Will a narcissist go to such lengths?
I can honestly say that I would do this and have done this.
I behave in a similar fashion with my father because I know it will make my mother foam at the mouth. I am my father’s “golden child” and my mother hates me for it (and for many other reasons).
I also behave this way with my brothers in front of their girlfriends.
There are a number of reasons for this.
This is more like two narcissists preying on each other but… Taylor portrays my aunt incredibly well. This is just an innocent view of a female narcissist:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg
Possibly, but certainly written by a narcissist.
HG, do you think Swift knows what she is?
Yes.
Interesting. That’s my thinking too, but I’m not “qualified” to pass judgement, so to speak. Thank you.
Are you talking about Taylor Swift ? why do you say she knows ?
Lisa, it can only mean that he believes her to be a Greater Narcissist. I’m going with Elite since she is a writer and an entertainer.
Oh ok, i see, thanks MB
HG is Tom Cruise one ?
Greater on the cusp of an elite.
This was discussed earlier on here. I don’t have time to go search for it at the moment.
I must have missed the TS Greater elite cusp comment thread.
Greater female narc. Do you think we could get TS on the blog HG? Maybe I could write to her through the fan club.
She has no need to.
I know she has no need to. I think it would be interesting to have a female greater narc perspective. I’ve mentioned this before. And who better than her! There was one on here at one time, I believe but she didn’t stick around long.
These are excellent books. Icouldn’t put them down, even though they caused a “squirming” sensation in my body.
I was looking forward to a 3rd to this “trilogy”, HG
Do you have plans to complete it?
I do. It is partially written.
Very good, sir. I look forward to it, and am adding it to HG list #3.
Oh hey, I’m sure you can get one’s who can keep it together. But it’s astonishing how quickly certain people cycle through friends. I do agree on the stale point as well. One of the above I described who sucked up a lot of my time started to throw the odd ‘barbed’ comment in my general direction. I was busy with other things but I clocked it and sensed that a devalue was coming. It sure was in the form of a test. How quickly would I respond to a certain post. The limit was one hour apparently.
I of course, missed it because of that funny thing called ‘life’ and she spat her dummy so far. I did give her a chance to calm down but then I pulled away and left her to her own devices. Be very intrigued if she tries to hoover.
There’s a female narcissist at the office that no one would ever think of as one, but that’s how it is with my male narc boss too. He’s a charming boaster, but we expect that from men. She’s sweet, the nicest person you’ll ever meet, greets and makes over everyone. But she has a clique, she’s not exclusive to it, she’ll share the other side of herself to others but it’ll seem like it’s justified if she talks down someone – because she says things in such a positive way, always smiling. She’s soft, quiet about competitiveness, but she’s one of the tops at the office. She doesn’t boast like a man, when she talks about her achievements, she’s humble, smiling, her comments like ‘I can understand why you’d want to ask me how to do that or how to succeed’, are stated passively, and positively. But she will make fun of people, they might even wonder if she is, as it will almost be within eyesight or earshot, but they deserve it for being themselves, maybe they slighted her in some way – and then she smiles to their face. She doesn’t let people say anything negative about her, that’s the most aggressive she gets, but she corrects them nicely, smiling. It’s impossible not to like her, she flies well under the radar. But she’s a narc. She kisses and hugs everyone but especially men. She’s prim and proper, like a nice girl, and seductive when she wants to be with someone. But she’s tops in the office, she’s competitive, she has a clique or lieutenants, she gossips and whispers and absolutely loves it, she talks behind backs, she’s possessive of some men, always has people around her. I don’t know her on the same scale as my boss, but most people would never believe he’s a narcissist either.
My skin is crawling…
HG, are these books written like a story ? or in the normal information way ? thanks
Story.
In my own experience, (I have been thinking a lot about the females recently), I’m not sure that mine accord with yours, Nunya.
I find them lazy. Not usually THAT intelligent but they are very cunning. Often slide underneath the radar because they can be very low key in a way the males aren’t. Extremely ‘looks’ focused. Even more so than male Ns. (unsurprising given how society operates). Far better at faking ‘affective’ empathy than the males. They struggle to make close, female, interpersonal platonic friendships and often burn through lots of other women until they get the right one, very possibly a Lieutenant, who will sit at their right hand.
From a platonic female friendship point of view. I also attract the women Ns in droves. They very quickly ‘latch’ onto an E and attempt to become ‘best buds’. I had one female N who it got to the point we were having an hour long convo each day. Too much but I wanted to help her. She was always in the middle of some scrape or another, usually male related. The mind boggles how many plates she had spinning.
Sometimes, she would throw the men my way. Or other times, galling for her, they would step over her and go, ‘Oh well, you are OK but who’s your mate? Can I have her number?’ Fucking ridiculous.
Best yet though is when you see two female Ns go toe to toe. The manips they deploy among friendships groups truly need to be seen to be believed. This is why you sometimes see huge falling outs over seemingly nothing in female friendship groups. It’s the result of triangulations and gossip.
As to sex itself? As with the males, a means to an end. A lot are actually not very skilled at all. What they do is use sex as a transaction or currency. ‘Get me this, I’ll do that’ Most will do ‘that’ very poorly. There will be some, the somatics, who know EXACTLY what get’s them off and will happily bark out instructions. All well and good until the female somatic meets the male one. Oh that one is fucking hilarious. I know because I’ getting it in my ear a lot with whom I am seeing and his ex.
All somatics by their very definition want to ‘Top’ the other. I’m sorry, you cannot have two Tops trying to Top each other. I mean you can but it will end in tears and impossibly angry arguments as each tries to assert dominance over the other. As neither are self-aware you can imagine the mess that results.
A female N ex-friend of mind had a good gig going. She was the Mistress of a married man. He was quite happily to be cucked in front of other men but rarely indulged himself. That gig lasted ten years. She then started tangling with the Ns (moved from swinging to kink – very unusual that. Kinksters usually loathe the swingers and vice versa). They would extricate themselves pretty rapidly and she got a reputation for it. She became known as ‘cold and distant’. She has never been able to shake it off.
Renarde,
“Far better at faking ‘affective’ empathy than the males. They struggle to make close, female, interpersonal platonic friendships and often burn through lots of other women”
I agree with the first sentence above; females narcs most certainly excel at faking actual empathy – and I wonder if this is just simply due to having more exposure to societal examples of what do to model empathic behaviours (women during their upbringing who model care-taking behaviour and such…)
But I don’t agree with the second point. I think it may be dependent on the school of female narcissist but I know of examples where female narcs have no trouble maintaining NISS relationships for 25 years plus…but this would be for better functioning narcs who only saw such individuals intermittently (fuel doesn’t go stale.)
WhoCares
I have a narc friend like you describe. She’s an upper mid and has a hand full of women friends she’s had for 40+ years. We all live in different states from her, though, and only talk/text once a week or so. But on the same hand, she has run through and discarded a ton of women friends, especially when she was younger and if she was around them a lot.
Exactly Windstorm – another good example. I wonder now about one of my friends who I left behind because I moved, she and I do not speak often…
My example above is my mother. She is also good at playing the ‘care taker’ as well – for older and ill individuals anyway. I could not see it before but now I can see how she would still cause trouble for such individuals because she would be over-caring and overly involved (asking questions of the patient and arguing with the medical staff) to the point where people have asked her to step back or in fact told her that they do not need her help because it is stressful during a time when you need peace and healing – instead constant questioning etc…But people who don’t see this see only the ‘caring’ part and believe she is good, caring friend who is only trying to help.
Ugh…. WC, what type N is she? The caretaking?
nunya biz,
Middle mid-range with strong victim cadre traits.
Thanks, WhoCares.
Fuckin holy shizz, WC, looking at something like that and looking at
….plus more intelligence, plus awareness, plus socio/psycho traits, plus male….
Um…no offence to HG, but
God. Damn.
I will thank god there are people I have never met.
I’m with you, Nunya. Everyday I’m thankful for never having met all the hurtful, abusive, uncaring people out there in the world. No matter how bad things seem, they always could have been worse.
WS, sometimes I look back at random moments in my life that I have been ignorantly unempathetic and I get so irritated with myself.
I do think that N’s in the medical profession are a different issue altogether.
Nunya Biz,
“WS sometimes I look back at random moments in my life that I have been ignorantly unempathetic and I get so irritated with myself.”
I think we all do that. Thinking about any mistakes I made in ignorance upsets me. We have to remember, though, that the past is just a memory. Only the present is real. The solution I’ve found to deal with these regrets is to focus on never repeating them and making sure I am aware and recognize similar situations as they appear and do the best I can. Think of past mistakes as ways the universe has to nudge us toward becoming better people.
Wonderful perspective, WS, present mindfulness is most helpful for me.
Interesting, Renarde, I have more to say, thinking on my response since I’ve been pondering this topic and I think it’s so relevant but I’m going to read this ebook this evening (just got back home). My initial thought glancing over what you said is that in recent years I’ve pretty much only tolerated the female victim narcissist type in my presence enough to develop a relationship of any kind (I’ve done it more than once and I know how it goes). In high school there were the “mean girl” types.
Plays on my desire to be helpful, kind and to not abandon people are challenging. Any other type of female narcissist I have pretty much an immediate revulsion toward and I feel they tend to hyper focus far more quickly and I will literally walk the long way around in public because I find even brief interactions so unpleasant- I’m a bit introverted anyway though I get along with most everyone in social situations and I enjoy it. As soon I notice any internal reaction as though I need to defend myself, wonder why I’m being suddenly intentionally ignored, clarify points more than normal or that I need to either compete or to acquiesce to some position of protege I might make a couple of attempts at a “retry” in case someone is having a bad day and then I’m finished permanently. For example a somatic insisting on being my personal trainer, yoga instructor, life guru is a bit ridiculous to me and I don’t particularly enjoy having my hard earned life perspectives being continually “corrected”. Wisdom is usually gained more through listening than explaining, so I’d be more apt to listen to someone who can do the same. With a man that I am attracted to my tolerance level goes up.
Ha, I can think of a couple I met in my lifetime who were compulsive liars, but others it’s just been more like using the truth against people.
Ha!
I feel they tend to hyper focus far more quickly
Bingo. They do. They become utterly fascinated and quite overwhelming. They make you the centre of their universe very quickly. Too quickly.
For example a somatic insisting on being my personal trainer, yoga instructor, life guru is a bit ridiculous to me and I don’t particularly enjoy having my hard earned life perspectives being continually “corrected”
Urghhh That doesn’t sound good. At all.
Well done on maintaining your interpersonal boundaries!
“Well done on maintaining your interpersonal boundaries!”
In some situations, yes. In others not so much.
“I’m sorry, you cannot have two Tops trying to Top each other.” I got a huge kick out of this one! Next time, invite me over! I will bring popcorn! I wanna watch it!!
LMAO!
OK missus. You’re on!
Still doing some reading Renarde.
Yes, I comprehend what you are saying about the “topping” and sex thing, that’s a funny way to look at it. Tbh, I’d kind of wondered, but I totally see what you mean. And yeah, on the two N’s triangles, etc.
HG sir, I’m certain you’ve already answered this, but I’ll can’t find it. You are an Elite Greater, somatic and cerebral. Can a midranger be elite, both somatic and cerebral? Thank you
Yes.
Thank you that helps a lot!
I am reading this next. I am curious about female narcissists and have seen them cause problems several times. The main issues I pick up on are competitiveness, one-upsmanship, jealousy, hierarchies, gossip, triangulation, and often uninvited caretaking, like suddenly deciding their relationship role is that of teacher, educator, mentor, etc… without request and sometimes without any credibility.
I’m curious about their interactions with men from a male point of view also.