The Narcissistic Truths – No 1 (Expanded)
The heart of an empath is treasured by our kind. Whilst our own hearts are black and iced, the heart of the empath radiates with fuel. It is capable of love, desire, admiration, compassion, concern, hurt and so many other emotions which radiate from it. The empathic heart is a veritable fuel pump and as such is coveted by us. It has so much more to it than that which we have in our hearts. We are envious of this but recognise how such a heart is there to serve us and cater for our needs.
You, as an empathic individual, also have one further major difference between your heart and ours.
Yours is free.
Your heart is free to choose who it engages with. Who it falls in love with, who it wishes to show joy to, who it wishes to share its innermost desires and secrets with. It is free to show its pain to those that it chooses.
We are jealous of that freedom. Our desire to receive the bountiful fuel which is pumped from you by this delicious heart brings with it our desire to capture it and prevent you exercising this freedom any further.
Our dark hearts are bound to the venom that flows through us, to the vitriol which we spray over those around us and the adherence to hatred, envy, fury and other such dark emotions. Our hearts know no such freedom like yours. The nature of our hearts is that they are pre-ordained in how they will function.
In capturing your heart for the purposes of fuel, we also desire to capture your heart to take away this freedom that you have and the absolute method of removing this freedom is to bring about the effective ‘death’ of your heart.
We are insidious agents, proponents of the salami-slicing approach which enables us to secure our aims through a thousand deft and delicate cuts so that you never notice what is actually happening. We are no different in this modus operandi when it comes to the ‘killing’ of your heart. The death of your heart is effected through the removal of its freedom.
Each and every day we advance our cause to gain fuel and to secure the bondage of your heart, little by little, as we strip it of its freedom. Through the dazzling love-bombing we invade it, taking it piece by piece so that it belongs to us. We permeate your life through our compliments, our apparent love, our fabricated passion for you, our illusory desire as you are gradually over run and conquered. With each passing day as we unleash our charm on you, our legions of text messages, our battalions of telephone conversations and the marching foot soldiers of love, we take a piece of your heart and capture it. Thus a part of it has effectively ‘died’ since it has lost that free will.
Of course, entirely consistent with the notion of romance that you have been indoctrinated with, the capture of your heart in such a way is regarded as a wonderful thing. You are regarding this capture as one which is healthy, respectful and you do not recognise that it has been predicated on a false premise.
Once we have you embedded your heart is ours. It has been captured. You no longer are afforded the choice of where your emotions can be directed. They must be directed towards us and us alone for the purposes of our fuel provision. The onslaught continues as having captured your heart, we then set about our scorched earth approach through devaluation as our despicable manipulations and horrid machinations are deployed against you for the purposes of maintaining the occupation of your heart and the total hegemonic control of its emotional output.
We captured the good – the love, the admiration, the compassion, the happiness, the joy and so forth.
Now we capture the bad – the pain, the hurt, the fear, the terror, the hatred and all other negative emotions.
Little by little, day by day, we invade your heart and occupy it, making it ours, commandeering its emotional resources for our own use and in so doing we strip away its ability to function in a free manner.
The removal of this freedom is how your heart dies when you are with us.
This happens on a daily basis as we slowly cause your heart to ‘die’ through our polluted control of you.
22 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 1 (Expanded)”
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HG~ What are your feelings if a mutual friend mentions she saw your ex girlfriend out and she was talking about you, wouldn’t that be fuel? My N blocked the mutual woman after she informed him she had met me and I was talking about him.
Yes it would be fuel.
HG,
Is it your choice to stay a narcissist after gaining all the understanding and the awareness? Or is it out of your hand?
I understand each school of narcissism very well. My question is, Does all narcissists ( lesser, midrange and greater), doesn’t have the ability to change? Whatsoever? I mean how can they gain knowledge in everything in life except for understanding themselves!
Also, one last question, after the good doctors understood your situation. Don’t you think that your mother should attend therapy as well? Or at least held accountable for her actions? (In case she denies, your siblings can support what you say and admit about her abusive behavior! especially during your childhood)
Merci,
HG, do I Understand it correctly?
Does “removial of our heart’s freedom” means that we are so focused on the narcissist that we “forget” how to use our empathy and our positive feelings like compassion towards other people?
Once our hearts were open for everybody close – a friend whose dog just died, an ex boyfriend who had a great success at work and we are happy for them, an uncle who is remerrying our aunt for a second time, our mom who is ill and we need to look after her…
But when we are in relationship with narcissist it all changes. We still are those empathetic creatures. But it is all directed at the narcissist. Because narcissist occupies our hearts. Manipulates with our emotions to be the center of our attention. They hate us giving fuel to someone else.
Also does that mean that when we are done with a narcissist and we are in co contact and we learn how to use our hearts like before the narcissist and our heart starts to act freely – we begin to give positive feelings to other people again, would a narcissist be jaleous that we got that “heart;s freedom” back?
“Through the dazzling love-bombing we invade it, taking it piece by piece so that it belongs to us. We permeate your life through our compliments, our apparent love, our fabricated passion for you, our illusory desire as you are gradually over run and conquered. With each passing day as we unleash our charm on you, our legions of text messages, our battalions of telephone conversations and the marching foot soldiers of love, we take a piece of your heart and capture it.”
This is exactly what the narcissist affair partner did with my husband. I have no doubt that he thought he was in love with her. The big problem was that he had a wife.
If things had been good between us then, she probably wouldn’t have been able to engage him that way. He was vulnerable. She knew that very quickly and used it.
I think that by the time I discovered the affair that her facade was starting to crack. I had also started to try to repair things between us, which caused great confusion for him. He was also constantly exhausted from keeping up the deception.
When he ended it with her, she erupted into momentary narcissistic fury. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it, I knew it!” was one of the things she said to him. She then regained her composure and turned sweet again, saying that’s fine, you’ll be back, she won’t be able to make you happy. But he noticed the slipping of the mask even though she tried to play it off.
She unleashed her full fury three days later when he refused to talk to her and blocked all her avenues of contact. Over two years later and she’s still trying to hoover him, to engage him, to torment me. Seems like a pretty miserable way to live. I’d have moved on long ago.
WriteItOut
Don’t forget, the narcissistic relationship is forever. She invested in your husband and she wants to continue to draw hoover fuel (from both of you). From our point of view it seems miserable, however, from her point of view she is getting exactly what she wants, fuel.
I agree, normals would have moved on a long time ago.
She must love feeling awful then. If my husband is out alone, she gets nothing. Not a polite hello, not attention, nothing. He knows that any interaction just feeds her fantasy that he’s not happy, he’d rather be with her, whatever it is that she’s thinking. If he’s with me she’s seeing us together, happy, dancing, deep in conversation, laughing with friends, most of whom have nothing to do with her anymore specifically because of her post-affair behavior.
She never shows up without her boyfriend anymore but she will watch my husband all night long with him right beside her. That guy…what a pitiful fool. He also has great admiration for my husband and fawns over him, but will not say a word to me so I know she’s told him some big lie about the whole situation.
She doesn’t bother me outside of being sick of her drama. I am baffled though by the fact that she still comes around because she lost social standing when I reinserted myself into our mutual circle, and I’d think that would make her not want to face the reality of us together and happy in her face like that.
But I’m not a narcissist so what do I know?
WriteItOut
She is hoovering in the first sphere and it looks like she may be using your husband to triangulate with her boyfriend and you can bet that she smeared you and, possibly, your husband as well.
From her perspective, it is all about fuel, control, reinforcement of her need for superiority and self-worth. She must be getting something out of it or she wouldn’t be wasting her time.
Remember, her reality is quite different from ours. It is a game and she wants to win. Just ignore her, however, keep in mind that hoover fuel is the sweetest fuel (negative or positive).
She definitely smeared us both. She told me that my husband was bisexual and would leave me for a man one day, LOL. She was trying so hard to get me to leave him, to be disgusted by him. I can only imagine what she says about me.
I didn’t even think of the triangulation aspect but you’re absolutely right. I think her boyfriend is either a spineless wimp or he doesn’t care much about her. She will sit right there with him and stare at my husband all night long. Maybe that’s why he stays drunk all the time.
Her reality is beyond my understanding because I would never put myself in the position of pining after someone this way. Even knowing why narcissists do what they do, it’s unreal to me because I imagine living such a vengeful and petty life and it’s just so ridiculous to me. That she does it in public where our mutual friends notice and comment on it very negatively is even more mind-blowing. She does have her lieutenants, though, and that’s probably another reason she does it. “These people know and they’re still on my side “. I actually have a harder time being around those people than her. She’s an annoying knat at this point. I have no worries about my husband’s interest or who his heart belongs to, and I’m not one of those women who cares much about the fact that a person who had sex with my husband is in the room.
I do confess to fantasizing about whispering “He’s so damn fine, isn’t he?” in her ear in passing. She’d probably punch me, LOL.
WriteItOut
They will say and do anything to achieve their aims. God only knows what she says about you. Probably something along the lines of: you are an abusive, crazy-cheating-whore and your husband deserve better than a harpy like you.
Maybe her boyfriend has to anesthetize himself with booze to deal with her; it is pretty sad when you think about it.
It is very difficult to wrap your head around the dynamic, but they live in a false reality that we can’t even begin to imagine. From our perspective it is vengeful and petty but it works for her and the negative looks and comments from those mutual friends are all fuel.
Ha ha ha…if you did whisper that in his ear, she would probably lose her shit and go ballistic. Narc rage is nuts but it would be a sight for all to see!
I have always liked this article.
Especially the sentence: «Yours is free».
It gives the feeling of contentment and freedom.
Fascinating. I’m at the beginning of NC. I know I’m an empath but still not 100% sure if he’s a narcissist. I think so, but maybe it’s just a trendy term to make some of us feel better about a bad situation. In 2 years, he forgot my birthday again Saturday. I was crushed since I just reminded him days earlier, but he had blocked me from FB so no notification to him. I wasn’t forgiving this time. He then blocked my phone and texts. Something I was unable to attempt. I cry thinking I wasted 2 years of my life trying to love and help him.
He’s an immigrant with many challenges at 62. No car, little money but working. He blames me for not helping him enough to repent after my sin of breaking up with him for 2 months last year. I went back after he begged me back. Then I got stuck in my feelings and great sex. I feel stupid. My friends think I’m stupid. Nobody likes how he is to me but I have been obsessed with trying to “regain” our love. It was great, until he showed his colors after 9 months into our relationship and forgetting plans I, we, made. Totally not caring of my efforts or appreciative of my financial contributions. God, just writing this sounds pathetic.
He’s supposed to move away soon since I didn’t do enough to recover his love (conditional). No contact or way to contact unless I go to his place unannounced. I want to. He has bad health and challenges. I want to know he’s alright. Omg. How do I stop myself? How do I stop feeling bad and guilty? Is he really a narcissist? Or am I just the “immature stupid little girl?” Friends are supportive, but I’m lost and feeling maybe I was wrong. — Lost in Florida
You ought to consult with me and I will address those questions.
Sharon Skeeles
After reading your comment, I am 100% sure you have a bonafide narcissist.
Thank you for returning mine to me. In one of our first big blow ups, ironically during the making-up phase, narcex asked, “who owns you?” Silly me thought it was so cute at the time, and I still remember exactly where we were, our positions, and the black look of his eyes. Little did I understand he fully meant it literally. I understand now and while I’m not completely emotionally detached yet, I no longer think of him with my heart and I feel free from him these days as I haven’t in the many months since I last saw him.
So ok HG… I think i’m starting to understand…
Does it mean that when our hearts is dying we don’t product enought fuel ? and than we have to be punished for that ?
i mean … this is the fault of the narc that an empath will starting to die inside et starts to not produce enough fuel…
But the narc punishes the empath for that ? So… that might be an impossible dream to find someone able to supply you always the same fuel ? because you daily breaks his heart and the fuel starts to be less…
i’m an empath… and i can bring always the same mega super fuel… but I need my inside world to stay intact… my beautiful heart no being broken. When a narc breaks it, I wont producess the same fuel.
is my reasoning right ? and how do you explain that a narc can stay with the same primary source many years ?
It’s a temporary death. We’re not the same when we come back; and that’s when the true choice happens. To remain lessened by some parasite — or to grow into something greater.
So want to grow … Feel stuck under a shadow of darkness … x x
Thank you,,you just answered why narcissists go to extreme levels to cause me pain I’m a wild spirit and cannot be controlled
“Our dark hearts are bound to the venom that flows through us, to the vitriol which we spray over those around us and the adherence to hatred, envy, fury and other such dark emotions. Our hearts know no such freedom like yours. The nature of our hearts is that they are pre-ordained in how they will function.”
I am not an asteroid, but I have sprayed folks around me with my envy fury, and other such ‘dark emotions’ It does not mean I am those things. Maybe your “adherence” to hatred is that you wont get off your old pov? None of us, at this stage, October 2018, has any real freedom, our society is sick AF. People feeling gratitude, wonder, openness are blessed. I do not buy the “preordained” aspect of your heart. It is stuck yes, stuck on an ancient point of view causing you to repeat over and over again the same sad and dangerous cold shite. You are not a robot. If you are not human, maybe you are not real, well then, I guess you have some heavy duty issues and I wish you the best sorting that out. If you are real though, if you are human then you are simply stuck in your old pov’s. and acting them out over and over again. Finding genuine acceptance for the hatred etc you feel is healthy.
“We captured the good – the love, the admiration, the compassion, the happiness, the joy and so forth.”
You did not “capture”. Feelings are fluid, if by trickery or genuineness you caused these feelings, they are fluid. You label these feelings, experiences as ‘good’. There is no good and bad this way. They are appropriate responses to external experiences, or they are inappropriate, such as when they are being manipulated, or past manipulations/experiences trigger denied past experiences/emotions, bringing forth responses which are steeped in past experiences/emotions, we may not realize.
“Now we capture the bad – the pain, the hurt, the fear, the terror, the hatred and all other negative emotions”
Labelling things as “positive” and “negative” is archaic. Not valid. One cannot love that which is unloving. It is not negative. It is an appropriate response. Feeling hatred for that which hates you does not mean you are hatred, or the thing you feel hatred about. Have you ever seen an animal not listen to its fear? Nope. It is a guide. We are meant to move toward what feels good and away from what does not. Simple. However because of guilt we got it all mixed up and this is where the problems start. We think things to be ‘loving’ that are actually only guilt, not a drop of love in it. We think guilt is God. It is not. When we begin to recognize and discern the difference we will begin to manifest what we really want. Hatred, fear/terror anger/rage are not negative at all. Acting out these in a state of denial is though.
💔