Wounded Creature
I would never hurt an animal, not intentionally. I am an expert marksman but I would never shoot a live animal. I am not fond of animals, I have never kept a pet and I never will. Caring for or hurting an animal has no interest for me. I should imagine that has taken a few of you by surprise. I should imagine that you saw the picture of this fox with his cast and thought, “This is where he shows more of his sadism by revealing that he tortured guinea pigs when he was a child or shot at birds in the garden with an air rifle.” I am pleased to disappoint you. That never happened. I am well aware that hurting animals may be a sign of no conscience but it does not follow that a lack of conscience means that you will hurt animals. I know that certain individuals obtain an emotional gratification by hurting an animal as this is about exhibiting the ultimate control. I regard those that engage in that type of behaviour as low-functioning epsilon semi-morons. An animal cannot answer you back, it cannot tell you things or say the wrong thing. I do think that animals display certain self-centred narcissistic tendencies, feed me, wash me, stroke me, play with me, walk me, clean my living space and so on. They require a lot of attention and that is why I cannot countenance ever having one as a pet. I suspect that is the reason why I have never hurt one.
No, my ire exists for the wounded creature, the pathetic person that is weak. I do not like babies because they are weak and absorb attention away from me. I do not like the elderly, they are weak and they absorb attention away from me with all the help they need. I also want no reminder of how mortality fades and they are the spectres hovering at the end, reminding us that the reaper’s scythe is nearing. I do not like the ill, they are weak and they absorb attention away from me. I think you are getting the picture now. I know you empathic people reach out to these people and that society dictates that these groups should be cared for. That does not resonate with me. They infuriate me. I would rather they disappeared and did not distract from my purpose. Should they come within my reach they find themselves subjected to my irritation and displeasure which results in me lashing out with acidic tongue and savage words at them in order to exhibit my annoyance. I know you regard that as wrong but I am just being honest. It is what I feel. Now you know why my kind ditches you for a younger model, pays no interest to the birth of our child and why our kind always vanishes when you are ill or injured and in need of care. We have no desire to be reminded of weakness, not when it threatens us from inside on a daily basis.
117 thoughts on “Wounded Creature”
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Hi HG,
I was searching for the “creature within the construct” and I brought me here … I also see you like to recycle … How efficient …
You say:
“We have no desire to be reminded of weakness, not when it threatens us from inside on a daily basis.”
In your books you mention the construct and the creature that is -and should be- imprisoned within the construct. Why do you perceive your weaknesses as a threat?
What would happen if a narcissist sets his creature free? Would it make the narcissist realize (or feel) that their identities are just holograms and they have been for decades? Or are narcissists afraid that others will realize and not provide them with any more fuel?
Hello Tara, these questions and more will be addressed in the book ‘The Creature’ which is being written. It is a detailed response and therefore one that lends itself more appropriately to the book than responding in a comment here, in order to give you an accurate and full response.
I’m really looking forward to that one also, HG, as I feel the need to understand the creature.
“Our kind always vanishes when you are ill or injured and in need of care”.
So true. I was so puzzled when he went from showering me with attention, generosity and affirmations of wanting to start a family with me, to either ignoring me or flying into cruel rages after I almost died losing the baby claimed to want so much. At the time me and even my family made excuses for him “well it’s hard for him to”. But what actually was happening was that he went from being hero mr expectant dad, to someone who was no longer in the spotlight, and when I needed some care and attention he wasn’t interested.
I am sad that I can’t even mourn my baby (and the fact that I now will not likely be able to have a child with anyone else) without being a little relieved thatI didn’t have a baby with the head-twisting fucker…
This isn’t directed at any one person, but to the collective. I must say I am taken by surprise at the empaths’ attitude toward human babies. (And taking jabs at uncircumcised penises and larvae in the process. Ha ha). I never would have guessed! For the record, I have never had a more perfect experience than nursing my own human babies close at my bosom. I remember watching them as they slept and wondering at the very miracle that they were. Never did I conjure the image of anything but a beautiful, perfect creature that I loved with every fiber of my being. I do enjoy holding and cooing at anybody’s baby. I will agree that not all babies are cute and I will not tell someone their baby is cute if I don’t find them to be so. (Of course, cute is in the eye of the beholder.). They are all perfect in some way and I can always comment on their cute outfit if the baby has an unfortunate face.
MB
I love babies! They are so cute, little and cuddly. Children are beautiful.
I’m one of those who had three perfect babies, who, of course, grew up to be brilliant and handsome men, 😉 but I have no grandchildren, really don’t desire them (the world is a sucky place) and am not one to ooh and aah much over babies in general.
Wissh, I’m looking forward to having grandchildren. Few things are more joyful than experiencing the world through the lense of an innocent child.
MB
Ah! True empathy has nothing to do with physical beauty. I have tremendous empathy with babies, especially newborns. I bond very deeply with them, I am like a baby whisperer. Babies love me.
But this has no effect on their physical appearance. They all still look like larvae to me, although some are uglier than others. It is the nascent person inside the unfortunate larval shell that I bond and commune with.
WS, baby whisperering comes in handy when you’re a grandma!
MB
Yep. And I’ll have a new granddaughter to help out with coming in February. I love rocking the newborns and singing to them. I provide their first experience of Celtic music. 🎶 😊
WS, and teach them French!
Windstorm
Introduce those newborns to anything but jazz. That would be child abuse.
I agree.
HG,
Not a fan of jazz? Why…can’t dance to it?
Jazz hands.
Hahaha – well, I can’t argue with that.
I guess jazz is like some art and “letters to the narcissist”. I just don’t get it. It’s all good, though. A lot don’t get stuff I’m into either.
NarcAngel
Ha, ha! That’s how I feel about country music! Not that fond of jazz, either, but everything’s better than country!
WS, the old country, sure…with the steel guitars and the whining. But what about the newer country that’s more like southern rock?
MB
I don’t trust anything labeled “Country.” Ever since I could remember, the sound of a steel guitar has made me want to tear my ears off. Don’t want to risk hearing one.
There are a few songs that aren’t so bad. I love the lyrics in “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood. That song’s probably the fantasy of many of us and completely understandable by the rest.
Windstorm
So besides Celtic music, (which I love! Love love bagpipes!!) what’s you’re type of music? No secret I love KORN! But I will tell you a secret, my dream job… the personal bodyguard for Luciano Pavarotti! He could alway make me cry. Always loved Bowie and Freddie Mercury too. Oh and Stevie Ray Vaughan.
IdaNoe
I love many types of music, besides Celtic (i love bagpipes, too and also the penny whistle). I was a trumpet player in my youth and am very partial to any brass music. I love organ music, also. My favorite composer is George Gershwin. Favorite classical composer is Bach. Favorite opera is Carmen. I agree that Pavarotti had a great voice.
I don’t have any real favorite modern group/composer. I have always loved to listen to the current American top 40. As the songs/performers change, I let them go and move on to new ones. I enjoy whatever is current in pop music.
Add our disdain for country music to our growing list of things in common. Lol
Carry on WS!
Windstorm! I agree. I just can’t do country music at all!
NA, re jazz. I like most all types of music, but I don’t get jazz either! It sounds like all the instruments are playing different songs. It’s chaos!
MB
Jazz is to my ears what Elaine’s (from Seinfeld) dancing is to my eyes.
NarcAngel – this makes me recall a William H. Macy movie line from ‘Wild Hogs’…when he is trying to learn to dance to impress a love interest:
“You know the music *moves* me…but, it moves me ugly.”
(Said to the character played by John Travolta.)
MB,
I actually don’t get jazz either…and I’m with Windstorm on country – plus you can add rap to that list (unless it’s just a tasteful bit of rap mixed in).
(I know…I did post a link to Quasi in the past that was a jazz band…but it was GYPSY jazz…quite different and it was a cover of an 80’s song.)
I’ve have always wondered what the appeal of jazz is…someone once told me it was a more intellectual type of music…I was like: “Yeah. SURE.” In my head I was thinking: “Good cover. Bet that is just to make you feel better about the fact that your body doesn’t know how to move with rhythm to OTHER types of music…”
WS, you would love being a volunteer “rocker granny,” someone to love soothe and hold the infants in a Neonatal ICU. I’m hoping there is one near you? Best job in the world and what I plan to do upon retiring!
Kiki
I’ve never heard of “rocket grannies” in a NICU. My daughter in law is a NICU nurse. I’ll ask her if they have such things in her city. I rather doubt it. Don’t think they allow anyone but registered nurses inside.
How square can you cats be? Etta James, ‘At Last’, Louis Armstrong ‘What A Wonderful World’, ‘The Girl From Ipanema’, Herb Albert and The Tiawana Brass.
Kelfairly
You appear to be the only Hep Cat at present. It aint my bag, but you’re 18 Karat all the same.
Kelfairly, ‘At Last’ is one of my favorites! Empath much?!? Ha ha I don’t like jazz band music. The instruments don’t play in harmony is why I don’t enjoy it. Sounds like noise to me.
Kelfairly, I know those songs. Didn’t Dean Martin do the Girl of Ipanema? I didn’t consider that jazz, is it? I like Nat King Cole.
NarcAngel, Love your cool jargon! WS Liked it, I think she’s hep too!
MB, yep, I get that with the jazz bands, sometimes they’re smooth and sometimes they’re a jumbled noise.
I’m with you MB. I think that all babies are beautiful. I also love baby animals. Comparing babies to larvae is like saying humans are bugs. I don’t understand how that can be empathic. But to each his own. I don’t take it against them. I just don’t understand it. But I also like larvae. We just raised ladybugs last Spring and my little four year old loved taking care of them and releasing them.
Mommypino, all creatures are beautiful in their own way. As I said, beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder.
It goes for an appreciation of HG too:
I enjoy HGs work so much that I’ve got a friend of mine following the FB page. She texted last week after reading the story of Karen and the rain. She said, I don’t know how you can enjoy HGs writing so much. He uses too many words, I skip over most of them to get the gist of the story. I said that is what I love, the words, the beautiful words. I commented on how beautiful that particular story was and how I believed it may have been Karen that committed suicide. Her response, “I would have too if I had to listen to all of his words all the time!” I don’t understand, but each to his own. Maybe HG is an acquired taste.
MB, did you say one his HG’s ex’s committed suicide ?
Yes Lisa. There’s been a lot of chatter about it on the blog from time to time. There are no specific details, but yes, it’s true.
lisa
There are 146 comments on the thread, if you are working from a laptop or PC, use Control F (command F for a mac) a search bar will appear on the upper right and you can type in the keyword: treatment and hit return/enter so you don’t have to scroll through them all.
HG Tudor
JANUARY 24, 2017 AT 16:55
Yes.
No. It was my treatment of that person which was alleged to have driven them to commit suicide.
https://narcsite.com/2017/01/19/the-narcissistic-truths-no-136/
K,
So according to that thread it wasn’t Karen or Sophie. But it is someone he wrote about.
HG, can you give us a another clue? Or do we just have to wait for the book?
Serene
As far as I have read, she has not been identified on narcsite, however, if I come up with any clues, I will alert you post-haste.
Hi K, and thank you, i don’t know how you do it finding these things, i find this site so bloody difficult , going back and forward trying to find things and read comments and having to keep going back to the start of posts ha ha . It’s about time you started charging for your K’s Search/Link Service.
Hello lisa
You are very welcome. The magic is in the fingers. The shortcut makes searching the threads so much easier so keep practicing until it becomes second nature and then you will be able to cruise through the site like an expert researcher.
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh. The search/link service is part of my duties as an HGU archivist.
HG answered that question when I asked him a very long time ago.
Clarece, you always ask the best questions!
Hi HG,
Are you still thinking about the questions I asked on Angel of My Creation in moderation or are you bypassing that one from me?
Thanks MB!
They are in moderation.
Just checkin’ if you’re not into my deep probing questions anymore. lol
MB:
Good to hear you sharing HG’s writing, yet that feedback from your friend–I admit I was disappointed to hear the reaction, albeit not surprised.
People are not used to reading anything literary nowadays. A Psychology Today article can offer a list of facts but there is no experience in recalling it.
Everything is text and sound bites.
The Rain Article leaves one with an image of openness and vulnerability and even a sense of desire–and more likely an impression one will recall later, more so than just a) b) c) point by point.
It sounds like HG is out of your friend’s comfort zone but that can be a good thing, as reading outside what one is comfortable allows for intellectual and creative growth.
One of my fave scenes in all of literature is of the turtle crossing the road in one of the opening chapters of The Grapes of Wrath. It’s moments like those that stick with me.
Yes Bibi, I can’t share my appreciation of HG with her. Maybe she skips over the words she doesn’t know unlike me. My curiosity won’t allow it. I’ve learned so much here. Not just about narcissism either. Sometimes I find myself taking HGs brilliance for granted. Then I stand back and think about how blown away I was in February upon discovering him and think, damn he’s a genius! I will forever be in awe.
Bibi, my reply to her when she asked me how I could stand all those words: after I said that’s what I love most about him, I told her I was in love with his brain and would love for him to say all those words in my ear and feel his breath on my neck.
She said, whatever. We can’t all be attracted to the same types. Ha ha. She was kidding about killing herself.
MB:
Yes, I have learned so much from HG to the point it is frustrating when others who are not HG trained cannot see.
I feel like I have been given super powers.
HG has succeeded in making me a very non-compliant appliance.
Had I only known all this years ago I could have identified and called them out on their shit.
Though I must say, on a side note–I am no great jazz fan, but why the jazz hate? It’s not bad background noise, right?
I suppose it also is what jazz you mean–Ella, Louis, Nina, Billie…I love those singers.
Jazz vocalists are different than jazz itself. The Ella Fitzgerald channel on Spotify is to die for, albeit this is likely not the jazz you mean.
I hope not anyway. I love that stuff!
Bibi, “I feel like I’ve been given super powers.” Me too, Girl, me too! HG is da bomb. Everybody needs these powers.
MB,
I never had children. I got my tubes tied 15 yrs ago. In all seriousness, I would’ve loved to had a big family but my childhood was so awful i didn’t want to do that to anyone. I was pretty sure even in high school that I wasn’t capable of being a good mother.
IdaNoe, I’m sorry your childhood was so awful. As I said to Bibi in another comment. I have the utmost respect for those that know they don’t want children and honor that commitment. HG did the same and God love him for it. There are already plenty of people in this world already. Having children would not have necessarily repeated your childhood, but sometimes you need to spend that time healing yourself, not having people dependent on you. You do you, Girl!
MB,
yes, I do believe it was for the best. To think I passed on my family’s “legacy ” would be more than I could stand. No matter what, or how bad it was or gets, I can always say it ended with me. So for that, I can be proud.
Idanoe
I understand that. I had no desire to have my own because I related children to endless need and responsibility, and I already felt that I had 3 children to raise (siblings) because there was no parenting. I knew that I was capable of protection and encouragement of children but not all that they would need or should have. Not to mention the damaged assortment of characters they would have to call ‘family’. That was a road best left untravelled for me and I have never regretted it. I am sorry however that you did want them and feel that option was taken from you for the reasons you mention. It’s type of collateral damage that a lot of people don’t consider.
NA,
I’ve been pregnant. I was 26 and with my lesser. I woke up one morning and knew I was pregnant and knew it was a girl. I could feel her. I also knew the morning I woke up bleeding I was loosing her. My Matrinarc reluctantly took me to the hospital, wouldn’t even walk me in the door. After it was over, all I ever heard was how humiliating it was because I was an unwed mother. How I embarrassed her. She has never, to this day, asked if I was ok about loosing that child. No once.
I relate to what you say, Ida. I was an only child, with an abusive narc dad, my mom underwent illness for a time, so I retreated into my fantasy life and watched a lot of movies, tv and read a lot, including an entire encyclopedia set.
I have probably seen every bad film made in the 80s.
I managed by having a lot of interests and curiosity for the world. I remember waking one morning determined to go find fossils. (I didn’t find shit.) But it was fun. I grew stuff in jars, had a microscope.
I fantasized about having the close, supportive family but I never felt I could give of myself to allow it to happen.
Which is fine. I am ok with it, as it has made me who I am.
Bibi, yep I fantasized about having a large family too! We sound a lot alike. I didn’t have reading ( didn’t learn to read well until after high school) but I could read music! Plants, animals, music and swimming laps is were I found some sanity and comfort. I have hubby now and a large furry family. So I guess I got my large family after all!
I relate to what you have written NA. I am the oldest child and only daughter and had a similar role as a substitute caregiver for my younger siblings. This role has, on the one hand, certainly forged a more protective and caring side, thus I know that I am essentially capable of that. On the other hand, I felt so overburdened with responsibility as a young child that I would actively strive for independence by, for example, avoiding intimacy and being emotionally distant. I often wonder whether I could be a ‘truly’ loving and caring mother in the sense of being a secure and safe anchor while allowing my children to develop into ‘healthy’ and independent individuals. I love my nieces and nephews and enjoy spending time with them and watching them grow up – but I am simply that, the fun aunt, sharing only limited time with them.
I simply have no rolemodel for an emotionally secure and healthy mother-child-relationship. The abuse I suffered was very covert, behind a rigid and stifling facade of „(lower) middle class normalcy“. Due to the covert nature of the abuse, I fear that I would, despite my best intentions, pass certain issues and behaviours onto my children – that is why I believe it’s best not to become a mother.
Saskia,
I get that completely. I think some of us are just better off not taking that plunge. I know for me, there was no possible way I could ever have given a child an sort of normal life. All I would have taught them was how to be used, because that what I know/knew. You can’t give them what you don’t have.
IdaNoe,
thank you for your kind comment. I relate to your thoughts and I certainly understand your final decision that, in my view, reflects a remarkable sense of responsibility, awareness and strength – many people would not even consider those aspects. I feel for you in the sense that you made your decision despite your wish to have a family of your own. It’s most interesting to read about other people’s opinions on motherhood, particularly those who have already made their decision and are open about that.
Your final remark reminded me of that saying a friend once cited in another context – you cannot pour from an empty cup. Pretty obvious of course but still quite appropriate as a metaphor. It’s similar to what you have written – I don’t feel I have this inner, integrated sense of what a stable and secure relationship really means – thus I feel that, in this specific respect, I cannot simply draw from an inner, stable ressource. I’m currently working on and through all of that, so this is why I am more confronted with those questions.
MB:
LOL I never wanted a baby and I don’t feel that affinity for kids. I knew I did not have it to be a ‘good mother’. Thus I never thought I was an empath.
I understand people like babies and my dislike only added to my feeling ‘different’, but I was ok with it.
I was adopted so for the 1st 6 weeks of my life my name was ‘Baby Girl’ by those who cared for me in the hospital/adoption agency. So there are no newborn pics of me.
I eventually got my name of ______ 6 weeks into my life. (it’s not Bibi.)
I am always impressed when I see toddler pics of those who are now adults and I can see the face within the blob. Even me! I’m like whoa, there is a person there!
I am certain HG was an adorable baby, however. He likely drooled all over the place and shat himself to sleep. So cute, that HG baby! I would have rocked him into eternal bliss.
Bibi/Baby Girl, not wanting children certainly isn’t s a sign of not being an empath. I admire people that know they don’t want children and honor that decision. There are plenty of people in the world already!
I would very much enjoy spending an afternoon visiting with you. You seem like an awesome lady with good stories.
Aw, thank you MB. Likewise to you just as well.
And just to follow up on your comment, those who can admit to not liking animals are just fine with me. I love animals and live with 4 furbabies. But the problem arises when those who don’t care for animals adopt animals and then neglect animals.
Also with babies, a part of me always feared that intimate mother/child connection because I do still struggle with closeness and intimacy, which explains why I became attracted to narcissists in the 1st place–because I knew they would be unable to give it (even though I might have convinced myself I wanted it).
Bibi, I was “baby girl” too. I wasn’t adopted, but I was supposed to be a boy, John. So I had no name for several weeks.
Early in my acquaintance with Narc Friend, we were talking about our interests. He mentioned that he likes animals. I replied that this surprised me. (Privately I was thinking that I could not picture this man liking anything remotely vulnerable or helpless, and certainly not because it was cute.) I told him I like cats and asked him which kinds of animals he liked. He responded with a list of vicious predators!
I think this post is important because people can think that if someone loves animals they can’t be a narc. My narc for example would be considered an animal lover and in a way he is, but way to selfish to actually have one , but claims it’s too upsetting when they die. It’s because he can’t be bothered with it or would begrudge the money spent on them if the truth were known. He even looked after some strays at one point where he works , in a very minimal way. This is the sort of behaviour that can be very deceiving and makes others around the narc thing they are very caring individuals. I believe in his case it is false this love of animals but he wouldn’t hurt them. Just more of the facade. I am pleased that HG is not hurting animals if he admitted to this i’d have to stop reading his work. I’m sure HG, wouldn’t lose any sleep over that but i’d miss having this information. Anyone that hurts animals or children should be shot in my opinion and i’m being serious lol.
Ok but if not your kind are weak when ill or injured or in need, what are your kind when ill or injured? And aren’t your kind always in need? Seems your kind always needs fuel.
What would a narc be like if they found they had a serious health issue? Deny it could be?
It depends on the school and cadre of the narcissist. Some will use it as a means to manipulate and to gain fuel, others will factor it in with regard to their activities and manipulations.
I wonder if this post is getting close to The Creature !! The long awaited book Mr Tudor. The disdain and hatred for weakness and the way that weakness was never allowed to be shown. The real person behind the narcissist mask is very weak, weaker than any empath.
Interesting, my mid-range elite half sister loved dogs. She never got married but she always had to have a dog. She rescued a stray German Shepherd when she was living in Hong Kong and brought it over here when Hong Kong was returned to China. When that dog died, she rescued a yellow lab which I got to meet when I finally met my sister. She would always say how dogs are so much better than people. She would not help a person in need but she would always be so endearing to any dog that she sees. She even told me that even though I am her sister, if there is a fire and she would have to choose whom to rescue, she would rescue her dog over me. I thought it’s a good thing I’m strong enough to rescue myself.
This is odd to me in that both my Narcs were dog lovers completely over the top about their dogs took them everywhere.
It seemed that they loved the dogs because dogs provide largely unconditional love. They only require small amounts of the most basic attention. They do not require any expression of emotion and they are excellent at gathering empathetic people around yet you say you do not like pets?
Lori
Pets are used to triangulate, like mommypino’s half sister did, and for facade maintenance.
And the facade worked, empathic people gathered around and gave him fuel. Hot damn!
I think that you are right. For facade she always made a big deal with telling people how she rescued her dogs, what sad condition they used to be in and how mich money she has spent helping them. I really believed it, I’m still having a hard time thinking that it was purely for facade. And using an innocent and lovable dog for triangulation works really well.
mommypino
Exactly; it is a great facade! She looks all warm and fuzzy: look at me and all the good I have done by rescuing these poor abused and abandoned animals, spending all my money; I am noble and heroic. She uses them to attract (emotional) attention and praise, all fuel. She sounds like a Dirty Angel.
Her comment regarding rescuing her dog over you was classic triangulation and meant to provoke you. She is definitely a narcissist.
Mommypino,
Dont have trouble believing it! My mother specialized in this kind of facade. HG did an article called Angel’s with Dirty Faces. I was surrounded by animals all my life. The animals were treated well, but now that I understand her, it was definitely a large part of the facade. There were always “things” that happened that I didn’t understand. So while she did a lot of good, she could have done much better if she was truly devoted. Animals that should have been spayed prior to placement, lack of follow up, sometimes questionable home that perhaps didn’t have sufficient income to care for a pet. For a long time I thought she was doing her best. It really was the last respect I had for her, the care she gave the animals. If they are like my mother, when things get hard, the animals will become disposable. My mother lied to me and everyone, tell us that she was doing the trap neuter release program with a local feral cat organization. She did catch a few (7-8), so she could say she did and maintain the facade. When she got sick, the next two years we trapped and fixed over 100 cats. Those that were sick or injured, I found out , she was taking the broom to. Chancing away the ones that most needed her help. I hate HATE her for that. She can rot in hell for her betrayal of those that needed her most. She did them just like she did me, abandon and betray those that don’t make her look good.
“If only I had known then” often goes through my mind as I learn about your kind and remember moments of my time with narcex, this one when he seemed uncomfortable around my pets, and never had any of his own. It has been a wonderful education, thank you. I know some find themselves in multiple relationships with narcs, but I truly can’t imagine it happening to me a second time and that’s due to everything I’ve learned at Tudor University.
HG,
do you offer editing or revision services for e-mails to narcs, to make them fuel free? ;D
Yes although of course one would first draw to your attention why do you feel the need to email the narcissist in the first place?
Becauuuuuuuuse … I want to tell him how horrible he is, and that he shouldn’t have talked about us that way, and that he shouldn’t have talked to me that way, and that he needn’t think I’d want to hear from him now, and …. I want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me.
How could I have been so stupid after everything?! I saw the signs and ignored them!! It’s been one week now that he said those horrible things to me, using the very words my ex had used, and he never apologized, never said anything!! to make it all well again, … I still don’t know what happened and he isn’t saying anything. But then I heard from a 20 year old that he had talked to him and told him that I had cried, but didn’t tell him that that might have been because of his cruelty.
So I would like to tell him what an **** he is, and find words to get to him. 🙁
I want to hurt him — and I want to make him react, and say something, and come up with an explanation.
But I do realize that if I wrote to him now, that this would be only fuel and a biiiig mistake, and that it’s kind of irrational.
What if he isn’t a narc???
Step One – ascertain if he is a narcissist.
Step Two – if he is, there is not point in sending an attacking letter – it will only be Challenge Fuel.
Step Three – if he is not a narcissist, feel free to send the letter.
Thank you, HG!
I think he is one, and if he wasn’t he would write out of his own accord, …. 🙁
Why can’t I wound him??
I could tell him that I met with his 20-year-old friend who is sooo much prettier than him? **hopeful look**
Ava101, you can wound him, stop speaking, stop reacting to him. Learn, understand and accept the best way to hurt him is to ignore him. Live a happy contented life-without him. Thats how you hurt him.
Ava
I questioned whether narcex was a narcissist also because I had some puzzle pieces that I couldn’t make fit. I can now highly recommend HG’s narc detector consult. He pulled those pieces together for me and if I ever find myself weakening and wanting to reach out at this point, I need only listen to HG’s audio over again.
And yeah, if yours is a narcissist, he will love the fuel from that letter, so, don’t send it.
Animals do feel love. But keep thinking of them as you do, please. It’s safer for them that way.
You are much more fearful than my narc ex. He didn’t mind illness, disability, or the elderly. They were all opportunities to show off — and what did their problems have to do with him? He never cared to hurt anyone but his primary source, and he enjoyed the accolades from everyone else.
HG- thank you for not being like that. I prefer to be in company of animals, well over people.
I have no empathy, kindness, compassion or respect for someone who hurts animals. An animal’s weakness is obvious so exploiting that takes no strength or superiority. It’s a sign of weakness and I am completely intolerant of that kind of weakness! I don’t care if you’re an adult, child or elderly, in my book you’re done. I’ve spent most of my life trying to undo the damage done to animals by people. My home has always been the Isle of Misfit Toys, the place where those that can’t make it anywhere else come to find a home. So, thank you again.
Awww! An ickle fox. Poor little fox with it’s pink cast on! I want to give it a cuddle!
But seriously. This would explain the loathing PN had for his infirm FIL. He essentially invited FIL to live with us after the death of his wife, my grandma. Made him buy an extension to the house with proceeds from the sale of his.
When that house was sold for a bigger one, technically, GD had a stake in the equity. Did not stop PN insisting that GD went into a home when he outlived his usefulness. Pretty sure he never saw that returned. Pretty sure there was no formal financial agreement.
GD broke after GM died. Like his whole world had been ripped out. He ceased to properly communicate. She had been everything to him. He looked after her until the end. She died of a heart attack in hospital when she was told she would need a leg amputated.
Shortly after that, MN had a psychotic episode and was committed.
What a sweet picture. Animals are wonderful. But I also don’t like human babies. Doesn’t mean I would not help one in need but you will never find me oohing and ahhing over someone’s baby.
Bibi- nor me (shudder) 😂
Blackunicorn:
Human babies are blobs and look like uncircumcised penises. I am sorry if that offends anyone with a newborn but to me they look like humanoid things out of a David Cronenberg film.
Haha – very true!! And loud, don’t forget loud!!
Bibi
I understand you. I always thought newborns look like maggots and called them larval humans. That does tick people off though. Everyone always said, “Oh, but you’ll think your own babies are beautiful!” Nope. Larval humans just like all the others.
Windstorm and Blackunicorn:
You are both in my posse! 😀
Uh, yeah, me either. Babies are not my thing. And people kissing them, eeeew! Do you know where that thing just came from! Mommies whatsit! Yuck! I like them after there older, like 3. There fun then!
Not to mention they smell like shit and apple juice.
(I could go on and on and never tire of this topic.)
I once had a narcissist ex say, ‘There is no greater sound than a baby laughing.’
What a fucking diaper load of shit.
One of these days I am going to have to share the story about this shallow, vapid loser who pretends to be of the ‘cultural elite’ yet has never read a book cover to cover in his life.
Until we are genuinely healed, all of us are weak on the inside. All of us. We are all damaged and barely functioning as a result of ancient imprints not based in truth. Although we believe/are told they are. Gather a world full of people believing the same thing, it amounts to World Truth. Does not make it true. We are all ‘threatened’ by our damaged/unevolved selves. It is easy to judge /label it as weak. It is easy to want to hide it, ignore it, engage in so-called positive pep talks to pull ourselves out of it. To present as otherwise. That will not shift it. It will not create ‘strength’. Those that get ahead because their presentation is more polished, better than others will not shift it either. It is not a static thing. It is not ‘the way of it’ It is not the ‘human condition’. It is long held imprints from so long ago that have never had a different point of view. It is society ramming down the throats how if we act, eat, exercise, “think positive” follow some societal script we will make our way far, far away from these heavily denied places. Will not work, has not worked ever and it will not ever work. We will finally find these are the places of our purest power. These are the very places which will liberate us into realities we have barely dreamed about. Fear not the so-called “weakness” Fear continually running away from what is already within. How to go into that weakness and evolve it is the real key.
I’m glad you don’t hurt animals – that would be unforgivable.
Can you please tell me the titles of your Narc-Tales? I know the brilliant Goldinarc, but are there others?
I will let K handle that and you can of course wait for the book which comes out on the 31st of this month.
Lol. I was hoping K would help with it too!
Hello kelfairly
Here you go, enjoy!
https://narcsite.com/2018/07/26/three-little-empaths-4/
https://narcsite.com/2018/08/22/goldinarcs-and-the-three-empaths-4/
https://narcsite.com/2016/07/16/dont-stray-from-the-path/
https://narcsite.com/2017/07/21/the-dwarves-and-the-shoemaker-3/
https://narcsite.com/2017/07/20/the-princess-empath-and-the-hurt-3/
https://narcsite.com/2017/07/19/rumplenarcskin-3/
These stories are best enjoyed read aloud at bedtime.
Oh wow, there’s a lot of them! Thank you wonderful K, you’re the best!
My pleasure kelfairly
There are quite a few. Enjoy the bed time reading!
Thanks MB, I’ll do that!
The irony is narcissists are the weakest bc when they do age, become ill, encounter something tragic that affects them firsthand they crumble and struggle more than those that can take a situation like this and grow from it. Not only grow but become a stronger person and try and help others in the same situation
A great case for pouring our empathy on four legged furry narcs instead of the smooth skinned two legged variety. Seriously. Want a prolonged golden period? Get a dog and treat them well.
I couldn’t agree more NA.
Exactly, NA!
Absolutely NA! I cannot imagine a life without a dog companion.
So very true NA!! My little furbaby is always there for me rain or shine 🙂
Change ‘dog’ to ‘cat’ and I am game.