The Asylum of the Grotesque

 

THEASYLUMOF THEGROTESQUE

“Why don’t you try to love me the way that I love you?” – Paula

“Perhaps if you just tried you could find a better way to something deeper and more substantial.” – Kate

“I know it is within you, it has to be, all you need is to embrace it and place your trust in me.” – Alex

“I know you flirt with all kinds of dirt, but beneath the sin, I know you want to love me like I love you.” – Karen

“If you let me I will show you how to love without condition or cruelty, it can be done by all of us. Just let me try.” – Caroline

I still hear these words from these women (and more besides) as I sit late at night in the large living room to the rear of my house. It is on the first floor and provides me with a commanding view of the fields to the rear of the property, the occasional copse breaking up the undulating countryside. I had two bedrooms knocked together and created this living room where I like to sit and look out across the view as the sun vanishes and the cool, calmness of the night arrives. The sky shifts from the medley of flaming oranges, reds and yellows to a soothing azure and then the darkness descends. Karen and I enjoyed sitting in the large elbow chairs that faced the window. Often we would say nothing as around us the lamps would switch on, a gentle click signifying their creation of a pool of light as the timer activated them one by one.

I will often leave the city behind and come out here so I can sit in this house which I regard as my castle and with a glass of Chablis in hand, watch the sky change colour. The occasional noise of a distant animal might be heard but largely there is silence. The enveloping stillness of a calm world until I hear their words. All of them meant what they said and did so with the best of their intentions. I know that because I could see it in their eyes. Whether it was the earnest green, the heart-felt hazel, the beseeching blue or the inspiring grey, I still see them as they tried to make me see a different way. They wanted me to change. They wanted to make me something else.

Now Karen no longer sits beside me, I rarely bring the girlfriends that I acquire out here. I prefer the solitude, only for a few days. I will periodically check my electronic devices and the winking displays, lists of messages and e-mails sustains me as so many seek my attention. Without Karen, I decide against having the lamps gently bloom and instead prefer the gathering darkness. It is here that I can sit and plan. It is in this quiet that I can marshal my resources, mark my targets and organise my machinations. It is also when I resist those pleas to become that which I regard as impossible to achieve. I prefer to walk amongst my trophies. I stride amidst the frozen tributes to my brilliance as I picture each and every of my conquests as if they are beautifully crafted statues each in a pose denoting my victory over them. There is Siobhan, on her knees looking up at me as she begs me not to go, her pretty features contorted by the pain she is experiencing. Paula sits at a table, her hands clamped over he mouth, her eyes wide with fear as she fights to say nothing, terrified that a word might slip from her lips. Becky dangles limps, the strings rising upwards attached to her hands, her feet, her head, her hips and other places. The broken puppet. Kate stands on tip toe, her face a mask of anguish as with one hand raised above her eyes she peers into the distance as if searching for something, an empty dog lead in her hand. I let my hands glide over the smooth stone that has captured their defeat and embodied it in an eternal stance. My fingers drift over open mouths, curled lips, tear-filled eyes and flared nostrils. I savour the misery, anger and dejection that has been injected into these statues. I regularly walk amongst them and it reminds me of my power, the hold that I have over these people who sought to change me but could only ever disappoint me. Why would I ever want to do what they would have me do? Why would I embrace their suggestions when I can create these monuments to my omnipotence? These masterpieces of misery always reinforce that I am destined to do this for this is what I do best. I am reassured, validated and comforted that my way is the right way when I take a stroll  in my asylum of the grotesque.

 

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149 thoughts on “The Asylum of the Grotesque”

  1. Folie à plusieurs? This thread has turned to be just precisely kind of interestingly….grotesque .

      1. May I vote? If it is an actual lock of hair, I say it was given willingly. If you’re just after the dna, it could be obtained from the hairbrush. There is enough hair in my brush to cover a small mammal every day!

      2. Dear Lord NA! I meant the hair on my head! Do you get the Brazilian?!? I had a friend that got those. She said she would have to drink a bottle of wine before the appointment.

      3. MB
        I will say this and then we must close the matter lest we raise the ire of Mr Tudor. It’s soooo worth it and your friend is a complete wimp. We converse all through it. Laughing even. There are men who go there and one has his entire body done. Costs a fortune and takes forever but I bet he’s slick as snot lol. Besides, no one enjoys a hair in their meal do they?

      4. It’s not recipes NA, so I think we’re good for a few exchanges. It takes forever for all over man, but how long just for yours and how often do you have to go? I’m not worried about the pain. I ain’t skeered. I would just be embarrassed with somebody all up in my “business”. I’m not used to it. You’re much more comfortable with that kinda stuff. You’re like my big sister so I can tell you a secret. (Nobody makes meals of me.)

      5. MB
        About 1/2 hour every 3-4 weeks. $40 Cdn + I tip another $10. Older European woman. Theyre professional and have seen it all so dont worry. You’ll never go back to shaving, Go for it sis (then put it on the menu) lol.

      6. MB, I strongly advise if you do it, DONT do it yourself! I did once. I applied the wax then chickened out…bad bad bad.

      7. Ha Ha Mercy, I would never! I don’t consider it a DIY project. I’m glad you survived the experience.

      8. I remember I was willing to “donate” a lock of waist length light blonde hair, and I don’t even know you…..ah, my vanity!!

      9. Uh-Oh, did you leave that part out of “Perchance to Sleep” as you watch them in their slumber, you delicately snip a locket of their hair?

  2. HG, is there anybody ? in real life that knows you are a narcissist ? excluding doctors , or any ex that may have realised. A person in your life that knows it all ?

      1. That’s not possible HG, if i knew you i’d know your voice and your all over youtube.

  3. The narcissist i met instead.. collects youporn categories… ex. I was “skinny”, he loved “milf” category and now he is playing in the “interracial/brunette” category…. every narc has his own collection of objectified humans…that ‘s it.

    1. Tizzzi, this is revolting and should be a lesson to us all, this alone is enough to put anyone off their narcissist.

  4. I hear much speculation about the existence of the scrapbook, the reality of the statues and other minor questions that can be summed up as, “Really?!” My N was a consummate liar and deceiver, very often about innocuous, consequence-free issues. Now, I wouldn’t believe him if he said the sky was blue. And, if he did, I would wonder how the use of that fact was meant to play into another deception. I’m not saying HG is lying. He may well have commissioned said statues or crafted said scrapbook, but I wish to remind all that Ns lie. It is not a judgment or opinion. It is woven into the very fabric of their being. One cannot, therefore, take as completely honest, or completely literal every word, any word, that comes out of their mouth. (No offense intended, HG. Just recalling and applying lessons YOU have so skillfully taught me. Of which, I am VERY grateful!)

  5. I’m just sad reading this.
    You killed these women, collecting souls and basking in their misery.

    But then, I think of them now – out of your grip – thriving and living with love – because we don’t die forever. Like a phoenix from the flames – we all rise stronger and wiser.

    When you see your exes thriving after your abuse, does it make you want them again? Does it give you a thrill to see if you can break them again?

    Now you have more knowledge by visiting the good doctors and interacting with us readers – do you think it would curb your behaviour even a little?

      1. You surely don’t expect them all to wither and die?
        Sure, it could take years to recover from you – but they will all recover and get over you. Is that hard for you to fathom?
        That you would no longer matter, not in the way you used to.

      2. I assure you Mr Tudor there is much life after your kind. We can and do thrive. Your hold is temporary.

  6. pascales..
    this is exactly what he is doing. Nothing else, although he would deny it.
    Do not forget, that he has been a trophy of someone else or of some people (not only one) long time ago and he has been it for a long time.

    Roles change over time and now he is the one, who dictates his own world of crime and abuse… and his own truth.

    It is his world in which he wants to live.

    .

  7. I’ve read this before but on re-reading it, this must be referencing the legend of Bluebeard? The ‘statues’ are all the ‘wives’ he has metaphorically killed.

    I had to re-read Bluebeard but it’s woman whose curiosity gets better of her (ohh who does that remind me of I wonder???) and narrowly escapes death.

    There is a really fantastic book called ‘Women who run with wolves’ which goes into the hidden meaning of the Bluebeard myth (and others). But in this context, it is HG who is BB, who gives out the key (weaponisation) but in doing so he exposes who he is. We, the readers, now get to see the corpses of the past. It reminds us, I guess, that would have been our fate. in ‘Wolves’ the author talks about the door to the secret room as being a transformative process. We change but we have to go through the door ourselves. It’s not just enough to hold the key.

    There are also allegories to Lucifer tempting Eve with the apple of knowledge and the way that society punishes women who transgress.

    Surely it is no coincidence that The Dark Master is called H Tudor? He only managed six though…. and what does that G stand for?

    The key itself also raises questions that I think bother us all. The woman in shock drops the key on the floor and it gets covered in blood. She tries to wash it away but the blood will not come off the key. It does bother me that part of the weaponisation is that we see how exactly how a self-aware sociopath functions and how he has undoubtedly brought much pain to these women. Are we now perhaps complicit in the sense that we are observing this? Just a thought. Not a pleasant one.

  8. Love your descriptive sentences as you Watch the sky change color, and the sun vanish into a cool calmness of the night, and that the sky shifts from flaming oranges to a soothing azure and then darkness desends. I’m not sure how you can feel omnipotent and powerful when all you’ve conquered is to break someone’s heart who you deceived.

      1. Sitting alone in the silent darkness imagining grotesque statues, slipping away into real darkness. What did you gain?

      2. Asylum of the grotesque is aptly correct. At least you haven’t gone all Vincent Price with a human wax museum. There’s good and bad in everyone, and then there’s pathological. Hope Karen, Kate, Alex, and Caroline are alive and well.

      3. Wax loses shape over time, so that’s a no. Now, as to hope, what I have said about that before Kelfairly?

  9. Thank you for letting us into your dark mind Mr. Tudor. It just reinforces to us why we should stay away from your kind. Both my mom relished on telling me stories about the people that they thought they have won power over. Not as grotesque as you do, but I think in so many ways it is similar.

  10. Any idiot can make other people and creatures miserable. That is a talentless occupation.

    It takes real skill and depth to give and sustain genuine happiness.

    Omnipotent?? Hahaha.

    Soul murderer but not omnipotent. You are only 50% competent. The low despicable 50%.

  11. All of these women breathed life into your castle, but now they’re gone and all you’re left with is hard, cold stone. Stone doesn’t answer back, it’s there when you want to see it, touch it, admire its form and take in its lifeless expression. The expression that you created. Stone is easy to control and it’s always there … stable, consistent and trustworthy. It poses no threat to your power.

    It’s interesting that you say you “prefer the solitude, but only for a few days.” That feeling of omnipotence and power can’t be sustained for longer than that with just stone. The life inside you that you’ve denied in preference for ultimate power demands a union with other life. To be able to live, you need a reflection of life.

    But of course, you can’t admit that because you’re better than that and more powerful…

  12. HG, Are you able to contact Karen if you so choose? I recently read a bit about Fiona. Did you end up getting together with her as well? I enjoy your books.

    This article put things in perspective. Haven’t heard of the scrapbook..

  13. HG, you speak of Karen differently to others II agree with others.. even the heading of the article about her as The Caretaker (II)

    However you state elsewhere that this type of cosseting of you that she often did is more suited to a mid ranger looking in some respects to be mothered for want of a better way of putting it.

    And that a greater would just prefer a different sort of person with plenty of energy getting on with other things..of course doing things for you but with Karen there was more cosseting ..i.e. just helping you walk with a bad knee.. looking after you with a cold in a particular way…showing a kind of sympathy toward you making sure you was taken care of in that kind of way.

    Do you enjoy being pampered and taken care of more than you’ll admit to?
    There’s nothing wrong with it far from it.

    1. I look after myself, with her it was not about the ‘pampering’ per se, but to test the limits of control. With others it might manifest through pushing them sexually for instance.

      1. I’m really glad I’ve never submitted to weird sex. I just can’t even think that way..

      2. Kathy , me neither , there was a complete weirdo lurking beneath the surface in that sex area. I think i must have provided challenge fuel most of the time because i didn’t really submit to anything much in any area , apart from keep believing that he would change and getting sucked back in again. My fuel was obviously more interesting than i gave it credit for . They are all sexual weirdos despite what people want to fool themselves with in this area .

      3. Kathy
        Haha. Whats weird sex? Someone once said the only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform. I assume you mean anything you were not comfortable with.

      4. NA, aka “Queen of all things sex”. I wondered what that meant on the Sex and the Narcissist post. The only unnatural sex act is one you cannot perform.

        There was that guy that died being attacked by a male alligator while having sex with a female alligator at the zoo where he worked. He was able to perform that act, but I see it as quite unnatural. I would not have been able to attend that funeral with a straight face.

      5. MB
        I would attend in my finest attire and keep a completely straight face while sporting a colorful pair of Crocs on my feet.

      6. Omg, that is so funny NA! Crocs 😂 I don’t even know if that story was real. It looked legit at the time. I nearly laughed myself silly over it. Now THAT was a case of instant karma. (Or consequence as you said.)

      7. MB
        Ok. Help out the mentally impaired. What’s funny about crocs? All I wear are crocs.

      8. WS, it’s referring to a comment I made higher up on the thread regarding a young man killed while having sex with an alligator and the fact that I would’ve been unable to attend his funeral had I been related to him. Google it. It’s quite interesting.

      9. MB
        I’d have put having sex with a crocodile in the “impossible” column! I googled it like you suggested and was shocked to see it was not even a one off, but there were multiple instances reported. A sad testament to human depravity. I think we can make a good guess on whether these men were narcs.

      10. WS, now you will think of the alligator loving every time you slide on those crocs! You’re welcome. Ha ha

      11. MB
        Ha, ha. Nope! I wipe those examples of idiocy and animal abuse out of my mind. No connection whatever to my shoe collection. It’s a self-defense strategy I’ve developed over time. Otherwise my contagion empathy would keep me locked in painful emotion for all involved -especially the crocodiles.

      12. WS, I feel bad for those animals too. However, she probably didn’t even know that asshole was there. Besides, he did claim to be in love with her so I doubt if he hurt her. Nature took care of him though.

      13. “They are all sexual weirdos despite what people want to fool themselves with in this area.”

        Yeah, pretty much this!

  14. It’s what you do best because it’s all of you’ve ever done. Of course you do it best there’s no other option. It is possible to be the best at something else you are just not able to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to try another way. It’s not that it is impossible, it is not it’s that yon will not allow it

    1. Damn I couldn’t reply on the thread till I got down here.. What’s weird sex? I guess non-garden variety boring sex! I think HG has mentioned having women end up potentially embarrassed by their submissions..

    1. Mercy
      I wonder what the person who is commissioned to do those statues thinks. Do you know about his scrapbook?

      1. Narc Angle,

        No tell me please. I often wonder about the art work. I think it’s fascinating that he can remain anonymous yet produce such a successful site. From the articles, art work, managing the readers comments, not to mention the books. It’s also obvious he’s successful beyond all that we know. Narcissist or not you can’t deny the genius behind it. 

      2. Mercy
        The scrapbook is mentioned in the book Sex And The Narcissist I believe. I’ve read so much I get confused about the source sometimes but I believe thats it. Not the kind of scrapbooking you’d find at Hobby Lobby or Micheals of course.

      3. NarcAngel, I’m sure no one will ever run into HG at Hobby Lobby picking out stickers for his scrapbook.

      4. The scrapbook reminds me of a serial killers little trophies they always keep. Am i reading correctly that people think HG has real statues . He’s just saying that as a kind of image when he looks back on them .

      5. This is interesting. I wonder if alot of the greaters or upper mids keep trophies. My narc was a collector of everything including his conquest. He kept a list along with pics and vids. The pics were specific poses. Once he got the pics for his collection he would discard them.

      6. Agreed Lisa! The statues are a metaphor. But a scrapbook is easy enough to create and play with all his old photos.

      7. He would have clarified already. He’s enjoying us wondering away over him… lol

      8. NarcAngel, I HAVE to schedule a consultation but I need to read all of the books so I have a better understanding and so that my questions are not wasted. The first time I had a consultation I didn’t know enough. I look back at HGs reply and it makes more sense to me now than it did a year ago.

      9. Mercy
        Subsequent consultations are effective for exactly that reason. You attain more knowledge from reading the books and the comments and articles on the blog, so know better what you want to focus on and pare the questions down to accommodate that. He is very good though at cutting to the heart of the matter even in early consults and you will never get caught up (at least I haven’t haha), so waiting isnt always necessary, but it’s different for everyone.

      10. NarcAngel, i’ve thought that someone must be working with HG on this, i mean how is he going to describe what illustration he wants , like that robot thing in the bed with the woman 🙄

      11. Ha ha , but they must say , what on earth is that picture for or what is it representing and you then say My Life, very odd, unless the illustrator knows all about you

      12. I think there are no actual statues but he was just picturing how the statues would have looked like if there were.

      1. Narc Angle & Clarece, I own this book but can’t read it yet. I know I have to get over my hang up and read it soon but I’m afraid it’s going to trigger things I don’t want to deal with yet. I assume the scrapbook story is in the book?

      2. Yup, yup it is. We’ll be here for ya after you read about it. Like NA says, it’s not a scrapbook from Hobby Lobby or Michael’s.

      3. Ugh MB, I’d have to go back and check that detail. I was more alarmed and perplexed by him playing musical body parts with pictures of his ex’s. I guess to create the perfect “One”.

      4. Clarece, HG collects lots of things. Pretty sure locks of hair is one of his collections. (For comparison? Looking for Amanda? Maybe I’m dreaming? I tend to dream about HG a lot.)

        I just got a funny visual of him playing with his “real” paper dolls. Remember those with the tabs where you could put different clothes on them?

      5. Okay, locks of hair has a really creepy serial killer feel to it.
        I change my hair color frequently though so if he ever had one of my locks, it would be old news quick enough. lol

      6. It’s the object thing Clarece, that’s why they don’t have a type as such , they know what they find attractive , from this to this but don’t really connect in that way. I’m sure HG has a preference for a certain type of Kettle, but any old kettle will do when you need a cup of tea, it’s a temporary kettle , until you get the new one that looks good in the kitchen . The body parts thing reminded me of Jeffrey Dahmer . Yikes !!!

      7. I don’t remember the collars, Twilight. The locks of hair were a bit serial-killish for me.

      8. MB

        I took the collars in a different direction and HG corrected me. I felt like I was spanked after the fact.

      9. Sounds like it was an interesting conversation Twilight. To be on the receiving end of an HG scolding er “correction of inaccuracy” is not a fun place to be. It’s happened to me a few times.

      10. With all the spanking discussion, HG, whatever happened to the Spanked Audio you promoted and got email addresses FCC or almost a year ago? Safe to say it’s scrapped?

      11. Clarece,
        I have been wondering this too. Along with the “Mommy Issues” article (after reading “Daddy Issues”)…..Not the Matrinarc article but rather the opposite perspective from the “Daddy Issues” article.

      12. Throw in the Dolus Malis series of articles forthcoming…
        I’m cracking the whip on you today HG… lol

      13. Clarece
        I have given thought recently to the articles being offered as a warming up to the Dolus Malus. They have been darker and there has been more emotion displayed on our end. Like frogs in the pot of water. It’s probably just me.

      14. Hmmm, are you referring to yesterday’s Pledge articles? Those were intense. Along with the refreshers on all the past girlfriends? Maybe we’ll find out what dark tools HG deployed against some of them when he pushed them off their pedestals?

      15. Clarece and NarcAngel and anyone else who is on this site, i’m a bit freaked out now , about these statues . We are getting into Jeffrey Dahmer territory , turning live people into objects he used a freezer , HG is obviously using clay or whatever …..

      16. 😂😂 I know that HG, but it’s bloody creepy , if i was in that house and seen those statues i’d be scared, do you keep them hidden out the way ? and how big are they ?

      17. They are floodlit in the garden and 30 feet in height.

        No, they are in a separate room. They are statuettes.

      18. Apologies to anyone on this blog who thought HG actually had statues and I thought you were the crazy ones ha ha !!

      19. HG

        I damn near lost my composure reading the first part after spiting my cosmo from NAs comment.

        Then again your “keepsakes” have never disturb me, yet intrigued me. So what does that say about me?

        I have seen far worse and disturbing things some have kept.

      20. I don’t believe the statues are real. At all. They are the memories etched in his mind forever.

      21. I think you’re just being ominous with Halloween coming up.
        How the heck do you explain these statues in your parlour with their tortured expressions to your new girlfriends when you bring them home?
        Like this is where your fun money goes?
        I just don’t buy it.

      22. Clarece, i never believed this, but god only knows what HG has got stashed away, i dread to think. Who exactly is making these statuettes in the likeness of victims with these delightful expressions on their faces. HG just goes along to the grotesque statuette shop in his local area and says make me one of those please and then describes it 🤔

      23. Lisa, I wondered the same thing. Where do you get a personalized statuette? I’ve never been in the market for one.

      24. Lisa
        I don’t know…there are a lot of artists with small studios. We know he keeps pictures of all of them. Shouldn’t be too hard to run up statuettes from pictures.

      25. Lisa
        No I’m not freaked out because I always assumed they existed. Most narcs will keep photos but HG goes the extra mile. Also because although we speak with him, make jokes, etc, I never forget who we are dealing with and what he is capable of. You needn’t be afraid. You are here for information – it is not a dating site. Now if you can just put your arms straight up so I can get your measurements………

        Bwa hahaha

      26. K, are these mother issues , father issues posts on this blog by HG ? And Matrinarc ?

      27. LMAO Clarece! I hear you! I still anxiously await to see if “Mommy Issues” ever comes about…that is my internal struggle at the moment…

      28. MB

        It revolved around being “collared” and he corrected me, because of where I was taking it, hence forth why I felt like I was being spanked.

      29. MB

        It was my imagination running wild with the feeling of being spanked due to the context I was taking things. HG correct the direction I was going with the collars, not my imagination.
        I know a few here wouldn’t mind being spanked by HG.

      30. Twilight, maybe some. I am not among those that want to be spanked by HG or anybody else. That seems degrading. I don’t want my lover to treat me like a child. I guess I’m quite the vanilla girl. Ha ha

      31. Spanking does not thrill me. Smacking does. As in a one or two time random thing like having my ass smacked. I enjoy that. Nowhere else though and if it hurt I would end it immediately. Constant spanking (either during or leading up to sex) though? …that is a negatory good buddy!

        Now hair pulling (in a non-painful kind of way)…? Yes please.

        Basically anything that causes physical pain = No.

        My recent issue is trying to reconcile stuff that I experienced as a child that caused physical pain (in a non sexual manner) vs. enjoying similar things in a sexual manner now.

        I overthink everything and always try to make sense of stuff.

        Okay I will shut up before I get put on that naughty step now. LOL.

      32. MB

        I never thought you were one of them. It is his voice you like to listen to.

        I don’t look down at those that are into this, we all have different perspectives on what one will or will not do and not being afraid to say no if it isn’t.

      33. Absolutely Twilight! I don’t judge. TBH, I’ve never had anybody want to spank me so I don’t know if I like it or not. It just puts me in the mind of a very submissive/weak/childlike position which I assume is the whole point. I’ve only ever had a vanilla partner. Never tasted any other flavors.

        Yes, I’m smitten by HG. The intelligence, the voice, the confidence. He makes me melt.

  15. Hg, are you trying to suggest yourself it’s time to hoover Karen? 2 posts in few days about her…what is it? Sixth sphere on??????

      1. Hahaha I don’t know you seem very partial to Karen the Codependent. Just sayin. Interesting that others are observing the same. Perhaps you have some real feelings for her

      2. To me there seems to be a difference in the way you discuss Karen compared to the others

      3. He’s brilliant. He knows to give the fans what they want. It keeps the readers engaged.

      4. Know more about you? You posted an old article…??? That makes no sense…typical narcissist. LOL A usual lack of intelligence…

  16. “New” post for me( posts from 2015 and 2016 that had not been reposted on 2017-2018). This one will definitely require quite some time to be digested…

      1. HG
        when is your book “unmasked” coming into the market?
        you have written all your books in 2015?

      2. This is the third book, correct?
        I am on the second and couldn’t find the third… now I know why.

  17. This makes you sound like a serial killer collecting trophies from each of his victims to re-live the brilliance of his crimes.

    1. At least is not blood contained in silver flasks, cards, clothing, pictures, hair…

      And it just occurred to me that my narc never too my blood. Should I be relieved or scared?

      1. Narcissists collect the self esteem, self -respect and the dead souls of their victims.

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