Angels With Dirty Faces
You are surrounded by Angels with Dirty Faces, albeit you are unable to see that encrusted filth that cakes them. You are oblivious to the touch which taints and the soiled footprints which beat a path back and forth to you. These individuals are the patient friend who listens to your tale of woe, the kindly physician with the twinkling eyes who resides at Bedside Manor, the soothing carer who chats to the elderly and infirm, the diligent charity worker and the host of the site which professes to guide you, the victim, out of the maze of narcissistic abuse.
The Angel with a Dirty face is an individual who is utterly convinced of their inherent goodness and moreover they have an unquenchable desire for the world to know that they are a good person, that they care, that they understand.
This facade of virtue and integrity is fundamental. It is how they truly believe that they are because this is what the world must know about them. It is not the quiet application of the nursery worker who looks upon those in her charge and smiles inwardly at a job being done well. It is not the sheepish looks of the diligent nurse when he is praised by grateful relatives. It is not the patient smile and humble response of the therapist who is hand-holding their distraught charge through their third meltdown of the year. The Angel with a Dirty Face has a towering conviction that they are good and you had better believe it because if you do not, well, then that makes you a bad person.
The Angel with a Dirty Face is not the Lesser of our kind. No. He does not have the capacity to emulate empathy. He does not care and is not even configured to even be able to try to look as if he cares. He is too rudimentary and brutal, too caught up in attempting to satiate his own needs to bother looking outside of his own bubble. He does not understand what it is to care and nor is he capable of doing so. It is not the Greater of our kind. True enough the masterful Greater Narcissist will easily be able to mimic those expressions and words of concern and is not beyond their occasional use purely for the purposes of driving his agenda, but be known for this faked empathy? No, that disgusts the Greater. He does not wish to be seen as caring, that is for others to do, his greatness comes from delivering – whether it is profit, great works of art, sensational film and literature, glorious rhetoric on the podium, lung-busting athletic records, mesmeric dance, intoxicating sexual congress and so forth. The Greater wishes to be known for pioneering achievement, the caring and the cuddling is beneath them.
The Angel with a Dirty Face is very much the preserve of the Mid Range Narcissist. He or she truly believes that he or she is a good person. They want you to know it too and you must accept it, well, because it is true. They think that they care about other people, they think that they do good work but they must be acknowledged for it and this must occur repeatedly. They want the recognition. They want you to tell them how good they are, that they are helping people, that they see you understand that they are honest and decent. Of course all of those responses are the fuel that they instinctively crave although they are unable to recognise that. They see nothing wrong with being identified, highlighted and rewarded for their sterling work, after all, doesn’t that just tell more people about the good that they are doing?
There are those of the Mid Range school who are obsessed with such a portrayal. It matters to them that are seen as that local community pillar, the teacher whose pastoral care is second to none and the organiser of charity bakes and cancer research sales within the office. Where there’s a good cause, there’s a good chance you will find an Angel with a Dirty Face.
These individuals are everywhere and difficult to spot because of course they believe what they show the world. The Greater knows the charismatic front he advances which masks the seething malevolence and smiles that cold, reptilian smile as he sees yet more sleepwalking into his grasp. The Angel with a Dirty Face does not have that awareness. He or she has sufficient cognitive function to create the appearance of goodness, to appear to care, to put into effect what they believe themselves to be and in so doing this enables them to blend with considerable ease amongst all of you. The trusting nature of people, both normal and empathic alike means that they will see no reason to doubt the apparent caring credentials of these people. What you see is what you get, right? Seeing is believing, yes? This person is caring, helpful and good so they must surely be that way, after all, who on earth would ever put on one front and behave in a different way? Yet as you have come to recognise, not only is it our kind who do this, the depth of the front varying dependent on the school of narcissist, but its frequency is far greater than people realise.
So, how do you find the filth beneath the purity? How do you ascertain whether that person truly does feel that emotional empathy, is good of heart and mind and it is not just part of a facade? There are two detergents which remove the masking facade and expose the dirt that lurks underneath.
The first concerns recognition. As I mentioned above, the Angel with a Dirty Face must have recognition. Watch what happens if you fail to acknowledge that person’s contribution or if you accord it to somebody else. An empathic individual may be hurt that their efforts have gone unrecognised but they will largely keep it to themselves, not wishing to be seen as churlish or attention-seeking. They may leave it to another to correct the error but they will certainly not make a song and dance about being overlooked. Unsung hero is a medal they are more than content to wear. Someone normal might be irked and may speak up but they will not react to the failure to accord to them sufficient acknowledgement for what they have done.
Yet the Mid-Ranger who is the Angel with a Dirty Face who is not given recognition will be unable to contain the effects of this wounding. The failure to praise them, credit them for their endeavours, acknowledge what a kind and wonderful person they are results in them being wounded and this will manifest through the ignition of fury. Being Mid Range, the failure to recognise brings forth mainly cold fury. Accordingly, watch out for:-
- Complaining to other people as part of a protracted Pity Play – “I cannot believe that Mary forgot to thank me for my funding efforts, I mean, she knows I do this every year and all I wanted was her to say thank you. that’s not too much to ask is it? I didn’t notice her bothering her backside to help out.”
- Sulking at the event
- Giving a silent treatment to the person who has transgressed
- Passing passive aggressive comments either on social media or in person.
- Cajoling third parties to remind someone to recognise what they have been doing
- Refusing to offer further assistance until they receive an apology for the ‘oversight’
- Belittling the efforts of others in the same sphere
- Threatening to join a rival organisation
The nature of caring, empathising and demonstrating this goodness is, as I have witnessed, meant to be an understated endeavour, a vocation where the act itself is its own reward which requires no standing ovation or repeated praise and lavish thanks. Recognition is not required. If it is provided, the empathic individual or normal person will graciously accept it, but it is not a concern if it is not provided. Selfless individuals do not seek this recognition, but the Angel with a Dirty Face must have it and if they do not, you will know the reactions along the lines of those above and the dirt begins to show.
The second method of exposure is that of challenge. An empathic person recognises that people have views and opinions, that it matters that they should be able to articulate them and that they are not invalidated. I have learned much about this approach in my interactions with others and I am intrigued by their capacity to allow this. They will allow others to state their case, they will advance their own but recognise that the two can exist side by side. It is genuine tolerance, not done for show or for kudos but borne out of the empathic decency of allowing the voices of others. Not so the Angel with a Dirty Face. If you challenge their methodology of how they dispense their apparent care, if you disagree with their views, if you suggest there is a better way, you will then see the angelic coating recede and the dirt beneath come very much to the fore.
When challenged in this way, the Angel with a Dirty Face feels their superiority attacked and therefore since they are a Mid Range Narcissist in disguise, this attack on their perceived superiority ignites their fury and the attack must be repelled. You should watch for the following:-
- Being smeared and bad-mouthed to third parties for your audacious criticism of the Angel with a Dirty face “after all they have done” and “just because they are jealous of what I do” and “all I am trying to do is help people and this is how I am treated.”
- Directing Lieutenants and the Coterie to attack the transgressor. This is especially evident in an online environment where people will “jump in” on the accused and land blows on behalf of the Mid Ranger, after all, he or she most prefers others to be doing the dirty work.
- Invalidating the view of the transgressor and doing so without reference to any substantive point but saying they are wrong, because they are wrong.
- Going on the attack directly against the perceived transgressor.
- Acting hurt and crestfallen.
- Rolling out Pity Plays
- Accusing the transgressor through projection, most notable labelling them as a narcissist.
- Isolating the perceived transgressor through familial or social ostracisation, removal from social media, removal from committees or employment.
The Angel with a Dirty Face is a dangerous individual because their facade enables them to inveigle themselves into positions of relative authority and from there when their endeavours are not recognised and/or others politely question or challenge their way of doing things, rather than listen and apply, they will allow the dirt to emerge and use it to smear and pollute the innocent and those who are genuine in their intentions. This dirt muddies the water to such an extent and so convincing are the performances of the Mid Ranger in these scenarios that those who have done wrong end up being made to be the scapegoat, they are pilloried and driven out. Of course, achieving such an outcome only reinforces the Angel with a Dirty Face’s notion that he or she is absolutely right and that what they did was justified.
You will know these Angels with Dirty Faces. Time to do some cleaning of your own.
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My malignant ex has a somatic narcissist as a shelf ipss. She has been around for years, and not going anywhere. She’s a 10, and get’s a lot of looks and attention anytime she is in public. So he get’s fuel from just associating with her, but she is not IPPS material, because he doesn’t have empathic traits. He has quite the Madonna-Whore complex, and she is a fun whore in his mindset. Such a double standard.
I think this is one of my favorites. A lot of information in a small space.
HG, question that’s been on my mind. When an N deploys circular arguments do they know that they are doing it? When someone says obviously contradictory things in the same breath it drives me mad and it seems so obvious that there can be no possible answer to the things they are saying. There is literally no reasonable or valid response sometimes.
OK, HG, I have found this article….
https://narcsite.com/2018/09/01/do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing-the-mid-ranger/comment-page-1/#comment-222896
And I had a feeling that would be your answer. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, but I think I do get it.
I wanna hug & kiss this lovely child in this picture. That sweety is the cutest! xx
Yes. I was just hoovered big time from my Mid Midranger “family member”. My daughter’s father, who is very malignant went on a massive smear campaign against me. While doing this, he went on a quest to recruit new lieutenants on “my side”. He specifically targeted Codependents with pity plays, and the family member/exes with narcissistic traits with the “us against her” approach. He actually has alterior motives to this. Since going no contact, he needs spies and people who actually know me, and can vouch for his opinion of me. What’s sneaky about midrangers betraying you, is they put over emphasis on “I dont want to get caught in the drama” they will lie over and over again, and call you crazy. I ended up confronting the midranger because my mother told me I was betrayed. I wouldn’t have bothered with the confrontation, but this was imperative. I recorded the contrantation and cross examined the midranger and untill.the truth came out that he was giving my malignant ex personal information about me. So then, I just cut him off and went low contact/grey rock. This pissed him off. He then went into overdrive and demanded full force for an apology of my existence, recognition for what is not his, and ultimately demanded I prove my transparency by giving him very private information to him. Because I was now dealing with a little army of narcs, I said, “nope”. He then threatened he was going to join the smear campaign. When this didnt work, I could tell he was trying to bait a “crazy” reaction from me, so I beat him to the punch, stayed calm, and recommend that he get counseling if something is bothering him. He is no longer in the “manageable” narcissist catagory. His behavior is detrimental, and he is cut out, and I even informed the rest of my family to cut him out.
Male narcissists believe to be so clever but they keep on falling for narcissistic women again and again. They usually think they are dealing with sweet gullible Empaths in need of help. They seldom realize when they are being lied to and manipulated. They seem to be completely blind to what is happening.
I have met women who are as cunning and scheming as Greaters. It is hard for me to believe that they are supposed to be just MRNs. Their manipulations are so refined that they go unnoticed. Once they realize I have seen through their mask, the smear begins.
How many times did you fall for these women, HG and why were you not able to notice it?
Never. I do not make narcissists my IPPSs. Do keep in mind that what you may regard as calculated behaviour is actually instinctive. It often appears calculated owing to the victim perspective, an understandable albeit distorting perspective.
Maybe not the best place for this question but I have to know… Are both Brad and Angelina narcs?
No.
Kathy
I believe it was identified here previously that Angelina is but I cant remember where exactly.
NA
Anm made a comment about Angelina Jolie being a Borderline on this thread.
https://narcsite.com/2018/06/14/whos-the-daddy-5/
It is located on the older comments thread and if you decide to look it up use keyword: Angelina Jolie.
Her eyes tell…
You must further enlighten me.
I’ve always thought Angelina is the issue. Also, for some reason Amber Heard gives me the heebie jeebies more than any other actress ever in the history of people. I don’t know if that’s just me.
E.B.,
If you keep dealing with Narcissist, read HG’s work, but also study on the Dark Triad (Narcissism, Psychopathy, Machiavellianism).
The smear campaign type that you just mentioned, is very reactive, it’s definitely a midrange trait, and is apart of the narcissism aspect of the dark triad. Narcissist/midrangers are not very calculated, that’s why they are predictable. The Greaters like HG, that you speak of, are Narcissist, but score higher in the Machiavellian and Psychopathy traits, that’s why they are calculated and less/not deductible. It took me a while, but that’s why is not good to act like a narcissist to a narcissist. You are playing their game. You also can’t be a psychopath…. but, you can be empathic and study up on the art of war. I don’t bother smearing my narcisssist ex, even though he does to me. Narcissist/midrangers target low hanging fruit, can’t do consistency, and seldom impress anyone important. Be the contrast, and your skills will “beat” the midrangers.
Anm I just looked up the dark triad because I wanted to see what it was. After looking over the questions I feel like any narc with some awareness could beat this test.
I didn’t read alot about how the test is used but I feel like a greater would know how to answer because they are aware of who they are and they know the answers that are acceptable to society. Most mids feel they have empathy and are good people. The lesser may be dumb enough to answer honestly.
Just my opinion at the quick glance I took.
Hello Anm / ABM,
My apologies for my late reply. Thank you so much for your thoughts. I sincerely appreciate your response a lot.
You are right when you wrote to have a look at The Dark Triad since this is more than just narcissism and I believe that HG would never do what they did/do. It would be beneath him.
When these women *perceive* somebody as a threat, they have an thirst for murder I did not know it existed until I witnessed it myself. If they can, first they will damage or destroy those dear to their target and then they will not stop until their target cease to exist (e.g. she commits suicide or a male Lieutenant will be asked to kill her). They are not looking for fuel in this particular case and do not care if they have not received fuel for years. They are obsessed with their victim’s destruction. Surveillance cameras are not a problem for them either.
Yes, years ago I read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, Schopenhauer’s The Art of Being Right, also about Machiavelli and another author I cannot remember now. Although it was interesting to learn about strategies, tactics and manipulations, it did not help me as much as I had expected. Being outnumbered and ostracised is hard. I am still struggling with getting enough energy to get through the day.
Pursuing new friendships outside this unhealthy environment has helped me regain some sense of normalcy.
Since this is a social taboo, I feel uncomfortable writing openly about this subject so I’d rather leave it here. People do not want to know anything about it, unless they had a similar experience.
Thank you very much once again, Anm.
Hi EB….ive seen many male narcissists fall for narcissist women. Usually both didnt know they were narcissists. Somatics are very gullible bc they fall for a beautiful woman then when they run into problems they feel they are the victim.
I remember on another platform this happening where this aussie guy was so bothered hed been “victimized” by a woman but the more he talked the more it was evident he too was more than likely a narc. It didnt take him long before he met a new victim and was bragging about them. This all in a support forum. It was clear he had no idea what he was.
Agree with you CH, Anm and EB
i think only greaters and more experienced ones don’t fall for narc women. They must be keeping them as IPSS. But MNR males can easily be victims of MNR women. As they don’t think themselves as narcs, they feel that they are victims. But still they only aim for most desired catch. I think that women can be greater too, but percentage is small.
Hi Chihuahamum,
It is true what you said about somatic men ending up in romantic relationships with somatic women. My somatic brother is one of them. He has always fallen for these women and married a somatic MRN. My parents were somatics. They were unhappy with each other but their façade was more important than anything else in life.
Narcissists are everywhere, also in support forums. Some of them are victims of narcissistic abuse like the man you spoke about. There are also narcissists who take advantage of these platforms to learn about victims’ vulnerabilities and exploit them. I remember a woman complaining about her sister and nephews who had cut off all forms of contact with her and other family members. She felt victimized. This woman asked other members how to draw her sister back into the relationship. When I saw several people helping her to achieve her ‘aim’, I decided to join the thread. I told her that her sister was protecting herself and that she should respect her sister’s decision and leave her and her children alone. This user became passive-aggressive towards me, she had over forty members (I stopped counting them when I reached 42) supporting her. The more she wrote, the more her narcissistic traits showed up. She did not know what she was but also all those members who supported her were not able to see through her façade either.
Ughhhhh my mother in law!!! Constant need for accolades and praise. So phoney baloney!
So, my “friend”decided ON HIS OWN that he wanted to help me negotiate the purchase of my new car. We sat through the negotiation period, we sat through the closing of the deal and we were about to leave the dealership. It was very late. We were both tired. Talking incessantly with the receptionist, he tells me to reserve a table at this Italian restaurant that we should go and commemorate. I do as he says. Still talking to the receptionist, he tells me to go ahead and leave that he’d follow behind. Reluctantly I said… Ok… and do as he tells me. I drive off, hit 80 on the freeway and go.
15 min later he calls me. Sulking aka quiet on the phone at first and then going mad until he turned ballistic because I had left without thanking him for all that he did.
Huh?
Who was hitting on the receptionist that I couldn’t get a word in?
Who told me to leave?
His answer: Kathy, I was TALKING to the lady. Not hitting on her. If you noticed she isn’t my type. She is fat and looks like a hamster.
I do NOT remember telling you to leave without me. Why would I say such STUPID thing?
You are a narcissist, Kathy. A fucking selfish- coquette narcissist who was staring at the sales man like a wanton whore. You disappointed me. You let me down.
You and invited me to have dinner with you, in hopes, let me repeat, IN HOPES that I would dip my BIG cock in you. Ludicrous. The whole situation. You did all that for sex? That’s all? Fucking sex?
You are welcome, Kathy. You are welcome.
Did you hear me, Kathy?
You are welcome! (SCREAMING!!!)
You are not even that pretty, so you know! Did you hear me? You are not my type.
It is impossible to please you, Kathy.
Impossible.
Because you are such a perfectionist narcissist. Who goes to the gym every fucking day??? And I know why you do that? To make me feel less. To make me feel fat. That’s why.
I don’t need friends who make me feel self-conscious about myself, Kathy.
You are not good for me.
We shouldn’t be friends any longer.
Don’t call me. Do not beg. We are done and you just go ahead and deal with it. I will never fuck you, Kathy. Never. NEVER! Fuck! You drive me crazy! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Move out of the way ass holes!!! Go ahead! Open the widow. You faggot!
Strangely, the battery on my iPhone died. Oops.
Kathy, I like this story. Real life examples are good for learning. I hope you and your “friend” are NC now.
Thank you, MB.
Definitely. And so is my son towards his daughter, the same girl I mentioned in some postings ago who wears a princess outfit 24/7, and told my son to “pay his respects”.
“She” called my son last night inviting him for play time this weekend = her father hoovering.
Unfortunately we are terribly busy from now on. I blocked her number as well.
His reaction came as a surprise but it was not shocking. The more I learn, the more I identify the narcs in my life….
Kathy, what do you think was the REAL reason his fury was ignited? Hamster woman rejected him? Or do you think it really was because you didn’t thank him? A reasonable human being would’ve assumed you were going to discuss your gratitude over dinner since you were going straight there!
I thanked him but he was so absorbed trying to impress the lady that he didn’t notice. I also think she rejected his advances…. which injured him. To top it off, he had to drive after me for dinner when he was already pissed off… so he went besets for my amusement.
Kathy Mor
How convenient; he used you to heal the sting of rejection.
He tried to do that but I gave no emotional response. I simply hung up. I am painted pit black now. That’s what happens when you are a stupid MR going lesser, out of control hysterical narc. You mess with a well-versed empath and at the first sight of “ass holeness”, you get booted out. Oh and I gave the restaurant his phone number so they could charge him the fee for reserving the table in this upscale Italian restaurant and not showing up. How stupid. Adding insult to the injury, I refused to pay. I called them yesterday and they said he paid the fee after they threaten to send it for collection. I was like: collection? It is not even a bill!
They said… yep we know but it works every single time!!! Hehehe…
Kathy Mor
Excellent work! Don’t give up your fuel for that tool. You are definitely painted black. His temper reminds me of my lessers. I am glad you gave the restaurant his number and he was gullible enough to fall for that line of malarkey…he he he. Some of my narcissists are easy to deceive and get duped often. Go NC and block his ass. You may be painted black for now but I think he will hoover you in the near future.
MB, I am soooo tempted to post actual emails between my siblings and myself and hear your response. But, I hesitate because I am afraid I may receive more “smear” based on the lack of context and sanctimonious platform from which my sister espouses her grandeur. Also, they are three years old and I am surmising that my rehashing these conversations is not going to change the outcome. I have already done a “Narc Detector” with HG, a four questions email, and a GOSO consult. But, I still feel so responsible for having been unable to effect a better outcome concerning my familial relationships. My husband says for every “why” I ask, there is another around the corner.
E&L, as entertaining and educational as those emails would be, it would not be helpful to you as it amounts to engaging with the narcissist. You are absolutely not responsible for the outcome as you must protect your own emotional health. There is no hope for a better outcome when dealing with a narcissist. I assume HG has confirmed that she is. Even with familial narcissists, GOSO is still the only way to be free. She may have the title of sister, but that does not make her one and because you were born to the same parents does not mean you are required to have a relationship with her.
My best to you. I’m so glad you have availed yourself of the valuable resources HG offers.
E&L,
I relate to your comments about feeling responsible for your family outcomes so much I can’t even say. I did not consult on it myself, but I did consult on another similar issue and it shed some light anyway.
And MB,
“She may have the title of sister, but that does not make her one and because you were born to the same parents does not mean you are required to have a relationship with her.”
Thank you for saying that. I wish more people would say that, even if it isn’t to me directly.
You’re welcome nunya biz,
I can’t take the credit. That was something HG said that stayed with me from his consultation with my DIL in March regarding her mother. He is a wise man. His mother had the title, but it didn’t make her one either.
MB, I don’t know the history on that if you’ve posted, but it sounds like you have a good relationship with DIL, that’s great. I hope to be lucky in that regard one day.
I am no contact with my sister. I couldn’t take anymore surprise manipulations that feel like being stabbed in the chest out of nowhere. Or that sinking pit in my stomach.
Once you’re removed you can see the hilarity in it. It’s like a sitcom. I would just laugh, hang up, go to another restaurant and enjoy my meal while thinking : go ahead and stroke out you fat little hamster.
That’s what I did. 🙂
Kathy Mor
Hmmmm…..a little projection perhaps. That was epic.
Pretty much anything he said was projection. That is what made it so amusing! I was smiling as he cussed his peanut brains out. Good old mid-range. What can I say????
Kathy Mor
That was some serious WTFness*! I am very lucky because my MMRN was almost “benign” compared to what you and others have been through on here.
*Thank you for that term Mandy K
Kathy,
“Who goes to the gym every fucking day??? And I know why you do that? To make me feel less. To make me feel fat.”
Best!!! Is this guy for real? Hahaha
…. that’s how it goes. It obviously bothers him. But it is also an exaggeration. I don’t go to the gym everyday. I go most days.
That’s exactly my MRN …word for word!!! Happened to me on a weekly basis & escalated to daily just before I escaped…. Glad I’ve read your post Kathy, I don’t feel that crazy anymore.. thank you!
You are welcome. Yours probably had lots to “vent” if he was doing that on a daily basis. Of course it is your fault (laughing)… for wounding him! I am joking!!!!
This guy was not my narcissist. He was just a friend, someone with who I never had a romantic relationship with…. and never intended to because he is too short and I like taller guys. I wear heels. I can’t see myself towering over a guy… and he is maybe 5’10” at most. But he was a good friend…. seemed to be.
But as usual as it is with most narcissists, things start strong and “out of blue”. Here it wasn’t different. A loaded message. An involving phone call. Then suddenly I was shopping at VS when he showed up at the store, ready to pick up my next pair of panties. Such coincidence, isn’t it? No. Now that I know he’s a narc, it wasn’t coincidence. He was preying on me, probably tracking me somehow. Then he made his move and the forceful self-invitation to come with me to the dealership.
Then he drank from my cup of icy water, casually but secretively licking the lipstick from the border. Then he kept moving physically close to me to where his right hand almost “inadvertently” brushed against my breasts… TWICE. And I am there observing him and making mental notes. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Hmmmm….
Until the whole situation developed into the psychotic episode.
I was driving fast (I usually drive way too fast)… as he began tearing himself into a new one.
All the work he put into trying to ensnare me and now he bursted him own balls. Catastrophic.
Inexperienced narcs suck.
Now jokes a part…. I kept myself dissociated from the situation from the very beginning but one thing I noticed was how my body was reacting to him.
I kinda step aside of my self and just watched my juices flowing and flowing, lustmord… I was being snatched into death and my body was enjoying it! Craving it! Screaming for it!!!! I could feel my fangs and claws popping out as I wanted to just dive into that. It is a drug and I am an addicted. Then I was brought into that familiar place of submission and co-dependence where all I want is to please him, satisfy him, not matter what. That place that feels like home, during the moments he takes me but doesn’t last, never lasts. Then I remembered my narc and I missed him. Then I sent out this mute thought… why did you do this to me? You opened this in the fabric of my being. You put this in me. You left me, and now what do I do with this “mixture” inside of me? What do I do when I like the way it feels and yet I can’t have because it is poison? Now what? I live my life not touching the mixture as to not wake it up. Will it morph into something else? Will it change into something useful? Who will be the one who will quench my hunger, my thirst, without killing me?
It is like there is a program running on its own and I attribute this to the “mixture” that HG talks in the book “Exorcism “, if I am correct. That mixture is ever present. It never goes away.
My body began fuming when he found me at VS. The way he moved around me, looked at me, physically got close to me, and more so the way he kept everyone away from me. He dealt with the cashier, he answered most common questions, he physically blocked people from approaching me. I was isolated in this little space he created for me that allowed only himself in. And my body was pulsing, an alive entity on its own. I could feel my panties getting wetter, wetter, wetter………. my breasts getting full, my heart pounding, my mouth watering at the thought of pleasing him…. thoughts of his hand around my throat holding firmly…. his voice in my head…. my hair let loose, my curls flowing freely… to be enslaved. I just watched. I didn’t react. I just watched.
He wanted to know who was texting me. Where I was going that weekend. What was my perfume. What are those books in my kindle. What are the notifications on my iPhone. Of course everything done in a very subtle but firm and elegant manner.
That got me super sexually aroused. The control exerted over me arouses me. Whoever understands knows I can be quite submissive. Aside what I am and what the world can see…
That’s how it confirmed to me something was wrong. Very wrong.
The loss of composure later on was the devil telling me he has not given up on me. Yet.
Oh, Kathy, what a read. I imagine the pretentious narcs of this world bumping against a wall named Kathy Mor and getting some more cracks in their heads. There is true power within you and I am glad to have the opportunity to enjoy it here. So good …
DF,
I keep myself humble because I am aware that the ones like HG ,while the rare type, still exist. And these are the ones that concern me…
So far I have been able to look and see. These are mid- ranges. The situations have been such that their facade falls and they get exposed exactly because they lack greater self control. So they crumble to their fury.
Now I think of the day that a more refined one approaches me, one that senses me well and for some reason I am not able to look and see him. If for some reason he is this elusive narcissist who can be so “truly” wonderful and smile through the storm that I can put him true and fool me into thinking that he’s “normal” when I am not normal myself. I think that I may miss the red flags because they are nothing but ghosts who don’t quite materialize in a concrete manner. Yet they are there, the red flags. I just miss them.
To be an empath is to be able to feel others’ emotions. To be able to understand where those emotions come from. To just “know” without seeing it. To deduct and be correct because you understand that well-travelled path within,
And I add here: it is also to be able to sense absence of real emotions and feelings. To be able to sense the hollowness in a narcissist before he snatches you into his world. That’s what I need to master, refine, so I can remain free…. otherwise I won’t be able to stop the need that consumes me facing a greater. Scary and revolting but it is the reality of what I face daily. Minute after minute. That’s why I come here.
Loool,what a projection!! Here’s one of my real-life examples. He was the one always checking on girls even when I was around. He is the one following 100+ naked asses on ig. He is the one bragging around all the time about girls making moves to seduce him (which he refuses of course) and about his previous sexual experiences. Posting pics on ig several times a day with ridiculously narcissistic hash tags. And then when I was changing my profile pic in Whatsapp once in 2 months,he was like omg you’re so in love with yourself 😂😂example n°2: we’re in a restaurant,a tall hot waiter is passing by, I look at him once bc it was hard not to notice him but without any comments or starring. Narc: this waiter is so hot,right? I see how you look at him,in my presence?? So insulting! And all that only a couple of minutes away from him talking about his preference to big boobs (I’m not that gifted there :)) and so on and so on. What losers!
If you get wrapped around those situations, it can get very complicated because they will triangulate the living crap out of you.
In my narc’s case, everything was justifiable. Anything was reason for him to cheat. Passive-aggressive instance. Always. If he texted me and I didn’t answer him back in 2 min, he felt insulted. I was probably cheating on him, I was texting someone else, etc… etc… there was always a reason for him to retaliate. There was always anger, hate. Always. Hostility. Competition. Treachery.
We didn’t live together and I believe it was the distance that kept the relationship going for 06 years. At some point I stopped caring if he had others or not because it was pointless. He would have others regardless. It was not about me. It was about me.
One conversation I had with him, we were having dinner and he looked after every woman who walked by with lust. He literally made sex with them with his eyes… which brought me to chill inside, to become cold and somewhat detached. Disgusted.
I told him that it has to be miserable to feel that way all the time, to not be able to know oneself and have this urge that is never satisfied. It has to be miserable.
He actually said that sometimes it is because he is never content. Never. It is like a drug that he has to take because it is what he learned to do for so long but that never brings the result he expects.
He asked me to stay with him that night but I didn’t. I left. He texted me all night long. My answers were monosyllabic. I was bored and began to talk to another guy. He learned about it and nearly had a breakdown. Faker. I never got wrapped around in his triangulations. It was very boring to me. Not sure why.
Millenials
You have described my ex to a tee. When I met him I thought he was a good Samaritan but a few months down the line I realized he was more of a Judas.
This is so accurate
Oh my gosh this describes my mid-range elite half sister to a tee. She was in her world a wonderful martyr, an atheist version of Mother Teresa. She smeared and smeared anyone who did not acquiesce to her nobleness. The dog lover facade, the martyr daughter who tried her best to accept our dad’s love child (me) even though I did not appreciate her efforts, blah blah blah. She was probably the most annoying person I have ever met. She even had a fake British accent! I thought it was British because I grew up in the Philippines so I wasn’t very good with identifying European accents. My husband asked her why she has a British accent and she said it is because they grew up in Hong Kong. He asked her why our brother doesn’t have a British accent and she said it is because she also studied for two years at the London International Film School. Then my husband said but your accent is not perfectly British, it is strange. She said her accent is actually called the “Mid-Atlantic accent”. She said that Katherine Hepburn and Orson Welles had that accent. My husband asked, “Wow, so did you grow up in the middle of the ocean?” She was annoyed and said to him,”your wife has a Filipino accent!” And he said, “but she grew up in the Philippines! You didn’t grow up in the ocean!”
Mommypino,
I thoroughly enjoyed just reading your comment about your husband and sister. The Mid-Atlantic accent was also fake, and I can not believe that someone in this day in age would claim it to be real. Lol. Your husband sounds like a keeper. I wish you the best of happiness.
Thank you Anm! He is indeed a keeper! I’m so blessed! I wish you the best of happiness too!
Ya know if I did not know any better (and lately it seems that I don’t) I just want to say that I find it utterly fitting that I would see this most accurate article re-appear today…
I hear a piano beginning to play an ominous tune in the background…..
You made me laugh!!!! But it is sad actually…
I am glad I am good for something! Even if that something right now just happens to be making you laugh.
It is how you write and I bet you are good for many many things my friend… the world is your playground 🙂