The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist
You know that No Contact is the key to beating the narcissist, but how does it affect the narcissist?
This Logic Bulletin explains to you what happens when you impose your No Contact Regime and how you can expect the narcissist to respond.
It covers Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists in fascinating detail.
How does the narcissist feel?
What happens if you tip-off the narcissist that you are leaving him or ending the relationship?
What happens to the narcissist if you end the relationship and say nothing?
How does the narcissist respond?
What do you need to look out for in terms of common errors which will prejudice your no contact regime and place you at risk?
What will the narcissist do by way of response, so you can ascertain how to avoid this?
The content of this Logic Bulletin will give you these answers and more so you can build your Logic Defences and understand what will happen when you impose no contact now or in the future.
53 thoughts on “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”
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What if the ipss who receives lengthy silence and just stops contacting them do the same principles apply?
That may not be the implementation of no contact so it is a different situation.
Oh wait something else just clicked.. I threatened that I was going to change my number. Since I made that threat awhile ago I have gotten a couple unknown calls. That was likely him making sure that he still had assess to me and that I haven’t gone no contact isn’t it?
Wisdom speaks ❤️
There are cases in the news about men killing their wives/partners who had previously escaped and were hiding somewhere else. They will also kill their own children if they are in the same room or house. I guess their fury subsides, they feel they are in control again. Lessers do not care about their public façade as MRNs do.
If they feel they won and do not care about what people say, why do many of these Lesser NPD/AsPD kill themselves afterwards?
Is it the fear of going to prison, thus not getting any fuel?
To escape accountability and the ramifications arising from that.
HG
Thank you for the brutal truth. Its necessary.
To anyone who finds themself in this position:
Every word painfully accurate. So much so that I was concerned reading it that it may frighten someone contemplating leaving a Lesser into staying rather than face it. I know that is not the intent of the article, but rather to alert you to the behaviours you will encounter and stress the importance of preparation, safety, and how you must be firm in your resolve to stay no contact. It is frightening, but I can tell you that I have lived through all of this as both a child and an adult, and I would still encourage taking those frightening steps rather than to live each day wondering if today is the day that someone I love or myself might be harmed physically anyway. Not to mention the mounting emotional toll. If you are someone in this position and it is at all possible, please obtain a consult with HG. He is a valuable resource because he knows his kind and can help you to formulate a concrete plan for escape. He can also help you post escape with regard to court matters and sharing custody with a narcissist. You can also count on plenty of emotional support from the wonderful people here on the blog. You have help. You can do this. You can be safe and happy again. Please choose it.
NA
NA,
You are spot on. It took me three years to leave my Lesser exH. He means nothing to me now because I figured out how to get revenge all on my own. For the past few years, I have been holding hostage a piece of his furniture that has sentimental value to him and I won’t allow him in my flat or on the property to get it. I might just chop it up and put it in the recycle bin, and then pretend I do not know what he is talking about. I don’t write about him much here because I don’t think about him but he continues to stew in his own juices as he occasionally sends me rants over email.
I have copious notes on his weird behaviors and I should have called the cops on him twice, but when I met MRN I had no idea what I had just been through. MRN swooped in to the rescue – I was attracted to his calm because Lesser was so emotionally unstable and immature. Abused women are very vulnerable even after they have left the abusive situation.
IMHO and in my limited experience, Lessers are more dangerous than any Mid or Greater due to their inability to manage their anger. With Lessers you get physical as well as emotional abuse.
SMH
I imagine it might be quite common after being with a Lesser that someone would be quickly ensnared by another school of narcissist. Anyone would seem kind and understanding after being with a Lesser Troglodyte. HG’s description of being tenderized is apt. I had a Mid tell me all about how he rescued his wife from the clutches of a brute (Give me credit for listening to that shit with a straight face). My sister has fallen victim more than once because she uses StepNarc as her bar and of course its on the ground so anyone is above that. My sister is in love with potential as I think are so many women.
NA,
I now realize that it is common. MRN knew about exH but because MRN couldn’t NOT be abusive and because I did not see the parallels, it made no difference. I think most people believe that if they are not physically violent, which MRN was not, they are not abusive. I am sure that is the case with the Mid you mention.
Oh lovely pic NA! You all are a fun group!
SMH
After growing up with LLNs, Midrange abuse isn’t that bad (I was oblivious). Everything seemed fine until he got me pregnant, then it all went to Hell real fucking fast.
My ULN was hideous but it wasn’t as bad as the lower lesser narc abuse that I grew up with.
K, Thank god I don’t have a child with either one.
The scary thing is that I have no idea how it happened – no history that I can point to, no seriously abusive family issues, etc.
K, cute picture, by the way. You and your twin?
NA, I thought I saw a real person on yours for a minute there – maybe not.
The bar is on the ground…
I love your turn of phrase sometimes NarcAngel, that’s actually a profoundly sad statement.
“He doesn’t hit me”✓
“He doesn’t cheat on me”✓
“He has a job”✓
It’s sad to be satisfied with a few crumbs.
I was talking with my psychologist and she uses the analogy of a shark cage, and how some of us have gaping holes where the bars should be. As well as that, the alarm system is not functioning.
The circling predators should trigger the alarms, but nothing happens.
Seeing the potential and ignoring the actual is a real problem for women, isn’t it? It seems to be an accepted part of modern female culture, the “but I can change him” unsubstantiated nonsense. Maybe it’s not a modern phenomenon. Maybe it arose from previous generations of women who had little choice in their marriage partners, and to survive a relationship without love they had to focus on what might be.
Maybe it’s because we had to compartmentalise and be in denial to live in our families.
Maybe it just excites us to think that the man we love will step up for us. That makes us feel special. We’ll wait and wait, and he never does step up.
I hope things are going well for you.
Caroline R
Maybe it’s time we stop repeating the past, accepting so little for ourselves and change it.
I’m good thank you and I hope you are as well.
Thank you SMH
Yes, that was the last pic taken of my twin and me.
Consider yourself very lucky not to have offspring with a narcissist! I don’t think you have to come from an abusive family to attract these types of personalities. Anyone can be targeted, although, empaths are the preferred target, of course.
You are probably just a natural born empath. Lucky you! Narc magnet.
K,
You are welcome. How is your little gold star one by the way? Your little empath? Did you send her around to her dad in her sparkly GOSO T yet? 🙂
Let’s see – some food for thought here. I don’t believe there is anything natural about me or anyone else that draws narcs. I prefer to think that it is events and phases rather than essences that make someone vulnerable.
I can point to a few events that made me too accommodating with both Lesser and MRN – both were transitional things that meant I had a whole slew of emotions that I wouldn’t normally have. Now that I have become more aware and selfish, I can avoid those types as I think anyone can, as long as their eyes are open.
Maybe selfish isn’t the right word – it doesn’t mean that one has to abuse other people – just that one has to put oneself first and not be afraid to call it as one sees it.
Once again, HG does a huge service here by teaching us how to spot trouble quickly before it consumes us. I have been putting what I’ve learned to work in my dating life and have cut a few people off after brief exchanges because it was obvious to me what they were, thanks to HG.
Unfortunately, however, narcissism is not the only thing that ails people!!
SMH
My little Empath is doing well and I wish I had a GOSO shirt for her to wear while she is visiting PatriNarc, although it would probable cause a malign hoover.
Scents, events or phases of the moon, whatever it is, I attract them. I might as well be wearing Eau d’ Empath. Once I identify them, I disengage and go no contact. I don’t have the energy for them anymore.
No more toxic people!
LOL, K. Eau d’Empath. I’ll NOT take some of that, thank you very much.
Glad your Little Empath is doing well, Patrinarc be damned!
K, “Eau d’ Empath”. You’re a riot!
MB
On the flip side, I am recognizing Eau de Narcissist much quicker now. Thank God!
K, some Eau de Narcissist is revolting to me but some I find quite alluring. I’m not sure what the difference is. Can you shed some light?
MB
Distinguishable by the concentration of the top notes of sweetness in relation to, and covering, the 90% carrier oil or foundation that is pure and organic bullshit.
NA, thank you for clarifying. In other words, my nose is fooled by the more refined of the bullshitters. But those top notes…ummmm umm umm
MB
Yeah, but it’s like cheap cologne. Those wonderful top notes disappear quickly and you’re left with the noxious carrier oil clogging up your pores.
MB
Any hint of Eau de Narcissist is dangerous but the most dangerous is the overpowering scent of the Lesser.
The lessers noxious fumes (cigarette/bong/beer/vodka, body odor, such as, the fetid stink emanating from their nether regions or arm pits, or the overabundance of cheap cologne/perfume) are overwhelming to the discerning empath.
K, gross!
MB
Yeah, gross, but unfortunately pretty accurate.
K and WS, the description of the lesser defies logic. How can one so disgusting “charm” anybody?
MB
My ex BIL (lessor) and SIL (MR), his oral and personal hygiene is vomitous. Being within 30 feet of him made me nauseous, to this day I have no idea how they produced children.
I guess sense I ended up married to an ULN I am thankful his oral and personal hygiene was on point.
Twilight, they must not be somatics? “Vomitous”. Ha ha. Good word! Maybe yours was and therefore looked after himself.
MB
Yes my Husband had a dash of somatic.
No way in hell could i deal with a full blown somatic.
My Lesser was pretty clean too. In fact he was obsessive about his body, personal hygiene and clothes. If you are with a male who cares about his appearance more than you care about yours, he is either gay or a narc. Red Flag.
How about the guy you tells you straight up that he showers a couple times a day? Is quick to spray himself in body spray (Axe of course, we’ve all seen the commercials on how it attracts beautiful women). Wasn’t one for wearing underarm deodorant, said he didn’t need it, that was the purpose of the showers. When I mentioned in one conversation (where we were discussing whether my boyfriend had cheated on me or not) and I said to him ‘oh hey, at 47 years old I would absolutely NOT know what cum tastes like so there is no way that it I would recognize it when I went down on my boyfriend on different occasions so I totally agree with you, you were absolutely not cheating on me!’ His response was ‘but I shower!’
Freedgypsysoul
That was funny. Its always sort of funny but in a sad way when they’re too dumb to understand the meaning of what they say. That’s a time we’d say here, “Oh, bless your heart!”
Your comment on Ax also made me laugh! I don’t know if “0ff” is just American, but it is a famous mosquito repellent. My best friend who’s a middle school teacher (11-13 year olds) calls Ax “‘Off’ for girls.” He tells all the boys (who often smell like they took a bath in Ax) that if you want all the girls to stay away from you – spray yourself with Ax.
Humour is good, it helps us get thru. I was silently laughing at him when he responded with ‘but I shower’. No dumb ass, the correct response is that you’re not cheating but hey, thank you for confirming your actions! Now I know for sure that it wasn’t a figment of my imagination.
Up here in Canada, we too, have OFF. I’m sure that will now stick in my mind forever….repellent! It’s nice when a man (person) smells good but clean, underarm deodorant and shaving cream by themselves all have good smells, no need to spray with repellent!
BTW, I think it took 2 weeks for the master bedroom and ensuite to air out after I moved him out, that’s how much repellent he’d spray in here!
MB
None of my lessers or LMRNs have ever used charm. Sometimes, they even grunt like cavemen/women.
You get the Bronze Period.
“This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check”
Charm takes energy and lessers are low-energy narcs.
Christ, they can’t even wipe their asses properly.
K, there are obviously those that are taken in by some appealing aspect but I cannot understand how. “they can’t even wipe their asses properly.” Now you’ve got me thinking of dingle berries when I should be thinking of cranberries!
MB
My best guess about lessers attracting people is that a lot of women are attracted to strength, muscles, bravado and “bad boys.” Lessers have that all down.
Windstorm
I can say in a moment of being rebellious I made a poor decision and then ending up with no choice but marriage. I would never have stayed with him, he told me he intentionally got me pregnant.
WS, K, NA – The more y’all say, the luckier I realize I am. I wish nobody in this world had to endure these horrible experiences, but God love everybody here at Narcsite that shares and supports with their stories of survival. It is invaluable information.
MB
Yes. As Tiny Tim says, “God bless us everyone!” Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends “downstairs”.
Happy very belated Thanksgiving to you NA!
MB
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh. Most of my lessers smelled and, as they age, it just gets downright nasty. And their bad dental hygiene can be especially putrid!
K, speaking of bad dental hygiene…if you have not seen it already, watch “Goodnight Sugar Babe: The Killing of Vera Jo Reigle” on Prime Video. It took place in Ohio. I’ll never be the same after watching that. Nobody in there had a complete set of teeth. Cheri, the Matrinarc was a piece of work indeed. I didn’t sleep the night I watched it. I imagined all the abuse that poor girl, Vera, endured before her death. There were many people that were aware and could have saved her. My question is why did they not? I just want to shake them! Were they so manipulated by MatriNarc and so under her spell? Cheri was in a wheelchair but I didnt peg her for a victim N She was definitely malign. Take a look while you’re knitting if you haven’t seen it. It’s free with Prime. I’d like to know your thoughts.
MB
Missing teeth is on of my own personal list of Red Flags, as well as, morbid obesity and tattoos on the neck, face or chest, such as:
1. No Ragrets
2. No Regert
3. Never don’t give up
4. I’m Amsome
They didn’t save her because they are most likely wired for depraved indifference (lack of empathy).
Yeah, I will look forward to watching Goodnight Sugar Babe, while I knit.
K
I do agree many Lessors smell, my husband didn’t have body odor or dragon breath, now he did smell of cigarettes (which is gross in itself). If he had smelt bad or had nasty smelling breathe I would never have gotten close to him and would never have found my way here.
Twilight
My uncles all smelled of cigarettes and booze. The smell would make me sick and I knew a lesser who’s stinky-cheese-feet would permeate the entire downstairs. Noxious fumes, there was no escape!
The females smelled like unwashed ass and vagina. I have no idea how they were able to procreate either.
Eau de Lesser. Run, run real fast.
K
Truth
Smh
Lol I did the opposite had been with a mid ranger that only displayed violence when I really pushed him or cornered him and then got entangled with lesser than I totally spilled my guts to about the mid ranger
The life and times of a Codepebdent
Lori, I could see it going the other way too but I am not codependent. I simply had a bout with codependency!