Understanding Word Salad
What is word salad?
Why do narcissists use it?
What does it sound like?
How do you deal with it?
This provides you with a comprehensive example of word salad and then detailed explanations about its use and how you may tackle it.
28 thoughts on “Understanding Word Salad”
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as I asked the question, I feel like I should have some type of reply but all I can think of is ‘wow, absolutely amazing’ and his much it sucks to be caught in their games 🙁 Really? Make up sex? I guess there are those that enjoy creating drama and strife and anger (or whatever feeling) so they can have make up sex. **shakes head in amazement**
This comment was in reply to Tina Andersen 🙂 Just ended up in the wrong spot in the comment lines
Yep, I saw it 😉
You don’t have to reply, trust me I am fully aware of how weird it all is 😊 And as for the question on everybodys mind “why does she stay? ” Well, I don’t know how to answer that exactly without going into my full life story. The very very short version, I was born as a “heart-child” as my mother calls it (with a serious heart disease/deffect) and heart children are notoriously stubborn!! That parred with a huge interrest i human natur, the ability to read most people to a point where it is almost scary and my empathic natur I think is what makes me stay. At least for a little while yet. I am sort of studying him, with great intrest 🤔 As to the makeup sex, as he calls it. Well I’m sory to say that it is pretty great. As weird as it sounds it flows with so much gold that my empathic batteries just fill right up. Yes Yes, I know it is not real and I have no illusions of him changing and all that, but my empathic batteries does not seem to care.
I am finding it very difficult to figure out in which empathic group I belong. I’ve read every H.G up and down and found something of myself in lots of them. Then I read the comments and often found myself wondering how these empaths could not see the manipulations. I have always been able to se them, but did not however know the name of what I was dealing with. I have also always been able to sort of shut down my epathy and fight back in a stubborn, logical and non fueling manor. Not letting the devaluation get under my skin as many others do. When I started to explore H.G I actually started to freak out a little, because I thaught if I am able to stand my ground, I must not be an empath at all. OMG I am a narc who thinks she is an empath. I actually startet crying before logic set in againg. That no narc would ever have an emotional freak out over being a narc 😂 Not long there after H.G postet about the supernova. The ability to shut of ones empathic trades and turn ones narc trades. I think I mostly belong there. However H.G seemes to descibe the supernova as more of an event. I am fully aware of doing it and that I do it as a response to fighting manipulation. So what the am I…… I wonder.
self aware?
Perhaps. I think I’m sort of an empath mix. Like a labradoodle……… I’m an empathedoodle 😂😉
Another favorite thing of my husbands is the present silent treatment. Only one problem for him, I enjoy silence. As social as I am, I can also go for days alone without the need to talk to anyone. Always have, even before him. Again he gets sort of frustrated by my non response and ends up breaking his own silence either by simply talking again like nothing happened, asking me for help on something that requires tecnologi or insulting me. Once again i choose my respons and if it is an insult, I always answer by saying “that is your opinion. I do not share it, nor do I have to.”
The endless arguments and discussions were completely exhausting. Wanted to throw the whole salad bowl out the window.
Since taking HG’s advice ..I now state my position once and leave it at that .. and then change the subject ..Since doing this for a good few weeks I no longer get Word Salad
Well done
Omg, after 2 weeks of not so much as even looking at him at the office, I spoke to him about something yesterday – and I cannot believe how horrible it feels to have that toxic psycho misting his schemes and devaluation and trouble in such a short amount of time, while looking innocent. I just want to get in a decontamination tank and wipe it all away. Ugh! It’s so impossible to come out unscathed by this malignant juggler, but I will do it. I’ll ignore but sweetly, pleasantly, smiling, compliment if spoken to, and be ever positive. Now at least I know I’m over him, and that I so do not want anything to do with him, and I’m so much happier.
Secrets of the Fuel Matrix
I saw some whining awhile back on the board about how there were more of us readers that could make Tudor famous and how he was only one man. While this is true, it is only a part of the story. You see, the power component of a narcissist’s construct is directly dependent on the “amount” and “quality” of fuel that a narcissist can get access to. The narcissist’s “ability” to do “great” things and possess the energy to accomplish, is a by-product of the emotional attention (fuel) they are able to garner.
There are 2 reasons he is not world-wide famous and quite possibly, never will be. Reason 1: He is in need of a brilliant marketer because he lacks the time and ability to “be that marketer,” and will not admit to himself that he needs such a brilliant person. Judging by all the errors in his books, he doesn’t even have a competent editor. Reason 2: He does not have access to the amount and quality of fuel necessary to give him the energy and inspiration to propel himself into greatness. Simply put, his construct is sufficient for his normal everyday life but it is not sufficient to propel him into a more powerful construct that can allow him to do more than he does now. In a way, he is stuck. He can’t get better fuel sources or he would do so. The truth is, he can’t find and install better quality fuel sources. They elude his grasp. Until he can find such sources (and I doubt he can, looking at the past few years) he will never get much further along on the road to success than he is now. Yes, it’s all about fuel. Behind every great narcissist is a quality fuel source. Behind every lesser loser narcissist, is a terrible quality fuel source.
Thankyou HG .. word salad is what I find triggers so much anger in me because I like to make myself understood and reach some sort clarity ..but it never works ! so now I will just say ” fair enough” and walk away ..leaving confusion behind me ..
I experience this with my husband from time to time. Me being the type of empath that I am, will go head to head with him on most of it, simply stating blantly, and calmly I might ad, what he is doing i every given moment.
“That there is a defflection. Right there, you’re denying ownership. And now, you are projektion this that and on to me. ”
Usually it will end up in him scowling down at the table saying “I hate that psycoanalysing you do.” And me “Well, I disslike being devaluated. So what do you say we just quit the mindgames and do more productive?”
does he do anything different when you ask for the mind games to stop?
Well it differs from time to time. Often he will just sulk for a little while. Most of the times he will become oh so sweet and showering me with “the gold.” If you’re asking me if he has changed anything in his behaviour permanently, then no. Which I have often wondered about, aspecially after reading H.G’s stuff, where he explaines that a narc will often change manipulation tactic when chanlenged. I have concluded that my husband seems to simply lack the ability to aply new tactics. He will try the same tactics over and over, knowing that I do not respond as he wants and then sort of getting frustrated by it.
He will also engang in this tactic where he goes out, often on the pretend to go do something simple like pick up something at the grocery store or visit a friend and then not retur for hours. I know he is going gambling the minut he tells me he is going out, I can read it on him. He knows this, I’ve told him. I once, just to prove my point, walked in to the gambling joint, surprising him and tossing him a pack of smokes and asked point blank “so, are we done lying yet?” then I just walked out and went home. Still he seems to need to go this sherade everytime. Like his is simply not able to change his tactic.
I once asked him point blank “tell me, do you ever tire of these mindgames we play? “ He looked at me with this look of mischief he often gets and replyed “I find them exilerating, and also they make for great makeup sex. Dont you? ” I answered “honestly, I find them to be a bit tiresome and over used.” I did not have to explain what I meant by what I said, he just knew, and he knew that I knew. We hugged and kissed and no other words where said on the matter.
My response is a few comments away as it got lost in the shuffle
—–> “Eat some steak instead. It is tasty.”
You have a great sense of humor , as all Narcs does….That elite sarcasm LOL!
I have to say that this is what (((( maybe ))) make me feel atractt for your kind.
hg or anyone who can answer this… not sure why my ex narc says EVERY SINGLE time how happy he is with his new supply. she is the midget housekeeper at the hosptial the only one who would date him while he was married to me… now were divorced but still have children together hence still talking. he always says ” Im so happy now” and it kills me and our children.
This article is so helpful! Best advice ever on how to deal with fruitless arguments.
I am still angry about this word salad. But I agree to your advice. I leave her from one moment to the other without showing emotion. All I say is “Aha” and then I go.
Half an hour later she comes and has another question or demand or whatelse. She needs to know, whether I am still there.
She gets what she fears most: rejection and a lack of power.
This is exactly what I have been dealing with in the past, absolutely frustrating and he did it constantly when he was deflecting from all the wrongs he was doing and trying so hard to keep underwraps. The more I become educated the more upset I become for being dubbed so long and then to the continued audacity he continues with after I have not responded to him in weeks. It was these kinda of conversations that left me in complete bewilderment bc I couldn’t even identify what topic was had to be discussed by the end and he always did when dropping a bomb everytime there were plans made, everytime!! Does that sound correct HG?
You know I would even pay you to mess with his head like he has done with me. Absolute rollercoaster from hell that ride was, glad I jumped off!!
Word salad ( And how to toss it)
It’s almost like the American saying called, “Slinging hash”.
Word salad sucks. There’s now way to understand that!
LOL “Slinging hash,”…I like that description!
I think word salad may be one of the easiest ways to identify a manipulator. It took me a long time to figure this out in life but I’d run into at work and sadly I would doubt my own self until circumstances would prove me to be correct about something. And most definitely it was a common tactic of the narcissist I was entangled with. it started out similarly where I would be like doubting myself like do I just not understand what she is trying to say? Or does it really not make any sense. And after a few times while… It’s pretty clear however I didn’t realize the nefarious angle of it and why it was going on. A lot of times it was like about things that really were not that important. For describing her experiences at work and how everybody is crazy… But the way that it was explained would make no sense so I would be like OK??? Or I would be asked a question about something like how to fix something with say insurance on the car but I would only get part of the information so I really couldn’t understand what I needed to do to help and when I would ask for more information it would turn into some escalated thing and get dropped and I just thought this person is crazy. or I would be asked a question about something like how to fix something with saying insurance on the car but I would only get part of the information so I really couldn’t understand what I needed to do to help and when I would ask for more information it would turn into some escalated thing and get dropped and I just thought -wow- she’s really kinda crazy. They were probably almost 100 times This type of scenario played out over four years.
Anyways HG… This is an excellent article and I recommend getting it out into the mainstream media… So many people experience it and don’t really even realize it they just think boy he talks and doesn’t make sense but I’ve noticed it in the workplace from one guy in particular who tries to intimidate higher level management by throwing in buzzwords and confusing sentences and throwing the topic off. Are year ago hearing it I was severely triggered… Now I just block him out and think what a freaking ahole.
Toxic!
Thx!
I’ve eaten word salad more times than I can count as an ipps and an ipss both Narcs used it extensively.
HG ocassionally Mr Lesser aka narc#2 would back down and say you know you are right Lori I shouldn’t have done that I apologize. Why would he do that ? Narcs hate apologies and I know without question he’s a narcissist
Because that false apology (it is not truly meant) is the best outcome for the narcissist at that juncture.