The Narcissist Online – The Somatic



How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?

I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.

There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?

Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.

One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging message. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.

Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.

Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?

  1. In respect of a male somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
  2. If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
  3. If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
  4. There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
  5. The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earning to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
  6. The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
  7. The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
  8. There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
  9. If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
  10. If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
  11. If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess of proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
  12. References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
  13. The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
  14. If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
  15. Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
  16. The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.

The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.

If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.

  1. They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sights will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
  2. Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
  3. You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
  4. You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
  5. You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
  6. The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
  7. The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
  8. You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
  9. The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.

A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.


15 thoughts on “The Narcissist Online – The Somatic”

  1. I never thought that I would ever find men like these attractive. If I was single and trying to date online I would avoid men like these.

    They are more dangerous when you encounter them in person and they start making their moves on you. The mirroring is some really dangerous trick. The somatic narc handyman mirrored my facial expressions, the way I talked, and even my stride, although in a more masculine way. And then I looked him up on Facebook and he was way superficial there in his photos than when I was interacting with him in person. Pictures of him flexing his biceps and pouting would not have attracted me. But encountering him in person where he showed a different construct was the one that I had a big crush on.

    Still so thankful that I didn’t get ensnared. Although reading from your books, I found out that even though I didn’t have sex with him and never acknowledged to him that I was attracted to him, I still gave him all kinds of fuel from all of my reactions. No wonder he was smiling when he left. Last time I checked his FB out of curiosity his friend tagged him of a video of a chubby cute little boy demolishing tiles in the bath tub while dancing to Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back with the caption “Me at work when my boss is not around.” The good thing though, even though I unknowingly gave him fuel, he wasn’t able to bind me to him because I didn’t even acknowledge to him my feelings at that time. And now there is zero feelings left. But I learned so much about narcissism, the narcs in my life, and about myself because of that. I didn’t even know that I am an empath before.

  2. HG are there any other articles about spotting them on dating sites ? What if they are not Somatic ? What i mean is are the others definite cerebals then ? Has anyone noticed with online dating how many men of all ages are all very keen to talk about themselves being at the Gym !! They all seem to be extreme action men of all ages !! This makes me concerned and suspicious ? HG if a guy has a pic on his whatsapp profile doing a kind of muscle pose ha ha with shorts on ?? is that a narc or just an idiot ? 🤔

      1. HG, if your ex N, knows that you’ve blocked them and they can no longer see your social media, but the N has not blocked you, do they then naturally assume that you are no longer looking at their social media because you’ve blocked them?

  3. 90% of the profiles that are my matches are EXACTLY like that. The males behave exactly like that.
    As far as the talk goes: we are getting married in Vegas.
    I bet they mean it. I am sure.

    The other 10% look like my grandfathers, are not my type whatsoever, are really fat or really thin (argh), are just stupid (can’t spell) and irritate me with their small illiterate talk and pathetic pictures trying to look funny, smart, or they look like someone recovering from some terminal illness.: thin, pale, and sunken with the same damn pose in every picture. Grrrrr

    I know. I am probably attracting narcs as usual. What is new? I am not shocked the least. Do you want to date a normal guy? Look at Kathy’s matches. Those are the ones to avoid. The rest? Fair game, ladies.

    I am changing my profile to sound like a narc so I can snatch a normal decent male.

    1. Your online experience with dating profiles is cracking me up and pretty much matched mine. I find too, being outside a larger, urban area, the selection pool is much lower and yes, the men with sunken faces, who can’t even smile in a picture or only hold up their hunting trophies, does not do much to entice. I stopped trying online about 2 years ago after 5 years of being very active on about every dating app out there. I only went on about 5 online dates in that span. Most one and done. A few were actually nice men but definitely had their issues and I guess looking back, shared too much baggage right out of the gate over drinks.
      What has always killed me are the men who reach out and just message a simple “hi”.
      Wtf am I supposed to do with that? I took the time to fill out a profile with my likes and interests and several pictures to get a well rounded view of me to provide numerous ice breakers for you. All they can muster up is “Hi”. OMG! Shoot me in the head. And I’ve tried. Sometimes, I would reply and ask questions about their pic or something they said they read or traveled to. Then they answer the question with one or two caveman words and don’t reciprocate conversation back.
      I just started going silent. If we were in a bar or restaurant, is that how they would talk to me? I think not. lol

  4. Think I’m safe from one of these..doesn’t appeal for a second..stuff all that action activity and vanity is very off putting. 🙂 not that i have ever been on a dating site or ever will..but useful in other context also. Thanks.

  5. This is a great description of somatic’s in real life too! I don’t like dating sites because you can’t feel someone out or get a vibe online. This article’s very helpful.

  6. Pingback: The Narcissist Online – The Somatic | NarcTopia
  8. I hadn’t seen this post before , it’s very useful, i’m dating again now and it’s very hard because your looking for signs all the time, but i do use everything i’ve learnt here to try and test them ha ha . I’m not ready for a relationship with anyone but just dating is good practise and i’m approaching it very differently to how i was before , i just hope i don’t get involved with another one .

  9. “There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.”

    This is perhaps the most dead-on description of Narc Friend that I have read yet. I didn’t meet him online, but he is very well-traveled, having visited nearly 100 countries. I have traveled a lot myself, and began engaging him about some of the places we had both visited. I wanted to talk about cultural landmarks and history, while he wanted to talk about bars and night life. When I would ask other people about the places he recommended visiting, I’d hear that those places were full of “dudes.” He did have an impressive knowledge of history as well and this provided him with a fair amount of fuel, but even that was used to make him the center of attention. He didn’t seem to care much about it for his own private interests. Really, the party was him and he was the party, and being in his posse was a good time. Everyone was invited. I am still not quite sure what to do with all those memories.

  10. This is why I have never, and won’t ever do online dating. I just had a friend engage with that sort of thing and got scammed badly.

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