5 False Promises
The promise is used by the narcissist repeatedly, whether through Promised Gain or Future Faking, it is a mainstay of our manipulations against you, but what are the five most often used false promises that the narcissist is using against you and what does the narcissist ACTUALLY mean?
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4 thoughts on “5 False Promises”
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And here it is, the real NC. I changed my job so no more need to talk to him at all. And just like I thought it will be, it was really hard to put that final block :((( Stockholm syndrome I would say! That thought of never ever seeing him again in my life, although we share some business acquaintances, made me cry a lot again. When I made that first cut of blocking him on all other means of contact but work it was hard, but like my therapist says, I subconsciously knew that a window (work) still remains so it wasn’t a complete feel of loss. Now it is. I have a beautiful family, and still here I am, not being able to be grateful for all that, but instead tearing myself apart for someone who doesn’t deserve it. The feeling of missing out sth won’t leave me be..or I don’t try hard enough, I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about fucking him, since we have never done it But that look he was always giving me my Goood, I think one could cut passion between us with a knife! And logically I know that it’s more about me than him, that I was seeing me with this new pair of eyes and suddenly felt so wanted. He is on my mind while I make love to my husband, it’s horrible. And of course, he gave me one final message before I left – I am a beautiful person, he misses me, he hopes he will see me again one day… I know it’s only words but it still triggered a lots of waterworks :((( like, what if he really means it?? I got to get a grip, I am so sad and depressed right now.
Trocadero, I wish I could say something that would make sense or comfort you. I know and feel your kind of pain so well. The fact that you (and I) never had sex with the narc makes it harder, because the ‘wanting and the longing’ keeps you hanging on. And how good to feel wanted, isn’t it? But it’s not you he wanted. It’s your fuel. I know now that he didn’t give a damn about me.
No contact is the only way. And distraction. You’ll slowly get to where you realize you didn’t think about him all day.
Take care Trocadero, crying is okay, it helps. Giving you a big hug xx
Many months ago I had a conversation with my narc about his attitudes and behaviors towards his children. Back then I didn’t realize he was a narcissist. I knew his oldest daughter was one because that girl doesn’t take one breath without taking some form of fuel from someone and he, as her father, was one of the main enablers. Due to the type of attachment they have, I assumed that he was a co-dependent. But I am a co-dependent and I didn’t quite feel the way he does which some of his reactions didn’t quite match a co-dependent. There was no empathy, no understanding of his daughter’s pain, no understanding of the emotional component of the issue. At one given time I pointed 6 different emotions running through her face and he had this blank embarrassed stared saying that he had not notice one. The only thing he could recognize at times was her anger. At that point I had a blank stare on my face and I began feeling bad for noticing these emotions in her when he couldn’t.
It was very confusing to me because he was acting based solely on his blind perception of the situation. It is like a blind person trying to drive but can’t see the road so he steps on the gas and simply goes running over everything and everyone. That’s how he made decisions.
I told him that he was actually hurting his children by overindulging them, particularly this oldest one because as a 24 year old, she expects every guy to do the same for her. And she gets disappointed every time and the whole family pays. She is up to a very bumpy road ahead.
His facial expression turned cold-stoned and he became irritated. Then he said that this is how he thinks it should be and that he is fully aware and comfortable with the consequences of his choices.
My jaw dropped.
I looked at him and said: well you seem very willing to assume debts of which you have no clue of the amount. Or don’t care because you think you won’t have to pay. You are signing a blank check.
He looked at me and repeated the same sentence.
At that point I realized that this is a guy who will do whatever he wants, when he chooses to do so, and for his own reasons. He feels entitled to it and no one will change his mind.
Nothing you say or do can change a narcissist. Absolutely nothing.