The Seduction Shuffle Hoover
The hoover. A tried and trusted method of gaining fuel and exerting control over a victim once again. Whether they are benign or malign the hoover is an integral part of our repertoire. They are often part of a concerted action which is designed to break down your defences and suck you back in so we are able to exert control over you once again. Sometimes it is to con you into resuming the relationship again, sometimes it is purely to hurt you further and draw negative fuel. We may devise a particular scenario, use other people to effect the hoover by proxy and plan an effective way of establishing contact and then unleashing the hoover. For the hoover to be effective it must have two constituent parts: –
- A method of contact;
- A method of causing a reaction (positive or negative)
We may have devised a delightful scenario which will cause you to come running back to us oozing sympathy-based fuel but if we cannot establish contact with you it is pointless. This is why I often mention how it may seem that we have left you alone but all it is, is that we are waiting for a moment to establish contact so we can then cause the reaction. We are of course mindful that if you escaped us you have no doubt instigated no contact and that your defences remain high, you are on a state of alert and wary about what we are doing. Sometimes sheer force of the hoover and our magnetic personalities prove enough to surmount these defences but this can take time and in particular energy and as you know we prefer to conserve our energy. There is a particular hoover which I call the Seduction Shuffle. It is invariably a benign hoover and relies on you thinking we will do something and you are wrong-footed when we do not, only for us to then make our move.
The circumstances are such that we allow you to know that we are in the vicinity. This may be through somebody else. It might be by walking past where you live or work. We do not make any approach to you. We do not look towards where you might be watching us from, we do not reach out. All we do is want you to know that we are nearby and then we do nothing.
You have been expecting us to get in touch. When we first re-appear or you get news of us being nearby you will raise your defences again expecting an approach but then when it does not happen you are taken aback and confused. Why has he not tried to get in touch? He walked past your window the other day but did not even look towards you? He passed the office but acted as if he did not realise? Perhaps he is not interested in me anymore? Why would that be the case? You almost feel insulted by the fact that we are back in town and have not looked you up. You wonder what is wrong and in that usual way of yours you start to question yourself. This failure to act when we show up leaves you somewhat bewildered, possibly relieved and your defences come down. Maybe we have moved on, perhaps we are no longer interested in you although you cannot help but want to know why this is. Your curiosity is piqued and you are torn between knowing you should stay away but also wanting to find out why we have not approached you. Is it the case that we are no longer interested? Could this really be true? You need to know. Part of you wants the confirmation that it is over, part of you wants to know why you are not good enough for us to approach again and your desire to know proves difficult to control. Word reaches you from a third party that they were talking to us, but no, we did not mention you or ask about you. This troubles you although you know you should not care, but you do. Admittedly, there may be some of you who will not react to this method but they are in the minority. The desire to achieve some kind of understanding as to what happened, some kind of closure, perhaps the chance to get a few things off your chest still churns inside of you. The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again, rekindling thoughts and feelings from that first seduction, but overall you want to know why the shark is swimming nearby again but has not come hunting for you. We know these thoughts will be going through your head. We know you saw us. We know that you showed disappointment when a member of our coterie said they had spoken to us and not mentioned you. Already you have begun to provide fuel to us and we are content to wait for that delicious hoover fuel. Hoover fuel is always enjoyable, whether relief, joy, loving or upset, it all empowers us but it is especially rewarding when you come into our sphere of influence again. With defences lowered as you think that you are abler to handle our machinations and manipulations now you decide that you want to find out what we are doing back, who we are with and most of all the reason why we have not been in touch with you. The temptation proves too great and after all, one text message or a telephone conversation cannot do any harm can it? Once we see that message from you or your name appears on the mobile ‘phone screen, or we don’t recognise the number but recognise your voice when we answer we can scent even more fuel. You have made the contact and this tells us that you have opened yourself up to provide us with the sought after reaction and this waiting game has once again proven successful. We can now strike and finish the hoover.
17 thoughts on “The Seduction Shuffle Hoover”
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The title of this article and the image – ah, bless, I started laughing……
“Now, with a moo-moo here, and a moo-moo there, here a moo, there a moo and everywhere a moo-moo,….. let’s go….”
“Meh, ba-ba”
“Who said that?!”
”Me an ewe”
🙂
I’m never overconfident that a Hoover won’t be tried again, in whatever form it may appear (usually through a lieutenant). My father is a lesser mid, and with the unsuccessful Hoover’s that he has tried, they have all failed. He would bring my stepmother (Primary Source) with him to both lay on the guilt with her being there, and if the guilt wouldn’t work, he would then smear me to her, along with everyone else willing to listen.
I haven’t spoken to my ex-N since last April. I was convinced I would never be hoovered as it ended really badly with the police becoming involved. Then last week I got a text message from a number I didn’t recognize addressing me by name and saying sorry they couldn’t do the tap tomorrow but could do it next Monday. It was signed from Billy, the ex-N’s good friend who is a plumber. I’m certain he never had my number. I can’t work out whether I’m mistaken, Billy did have my number and thinks he is genuinely speaking to another customer called Sally or whether Billy is hoovering on the ex-N’s behalf. Or perhaps Billy knows nothing and the ex-N has a new phone and is pretending to be him hoping I’ll respond. Was this a hoover?
Sally
I think it is a Hoover by Proxy. Ignore it.
Sally, I think so. I’ve had weird whatsapp messages and phonecalls too. You can never be sure, because after dealing with a narc you ‘see’ things everywhere, but certainly don’t exclude the possibility this might be a hoover.
I would say, do not respond and try not to think about it anymore. xx
Hello Sally,
I think it was a hoover. It could be that your ex called you pretending to be someone else or that he lied to his friend and asked him to call you. He told him you wanted to have your tap repaired on the following day. Billy is not aware of what is going on. I would ignore it.
Thank you 2B and 2SF. I’m not going to respond. I’m pretty sure Billy is unaware – I can’t imagine he’d want to get involved and would think it was weird given I’ve been smeared as a stalker, alcoholic etc. His son has popped up a friend suggestion on FB as well recently so I think he must have been trying to look me up as we have no link. I’m trying not to dwell. Despite everything I’ve read I still feel quite shaken and astonished that he would try given everything he put me through. Thanks again x
Hi Sally,
It is understandable that you still feel shaken after all the suffering he has put you through. Hoovers can be quite triggering and it takes time to get better.
Your ex has realized he cannot control you anymore so he is trying to regain some control now, no matter what.
Staying out of the first five spheres of influence will help.
Just in case you have not heard about it yet, there is an article about Hoovers and The 6 Spheres of Influence:
What Causes A Hoover?
https://narcsite.com/2018/03/11/what-causes-a-hoover-part-one-2/
HG’s book “Black Hole – The Narcissistic Hoover” explain this subject more in depth.
Take care x
Sally,
“Despite everything I’ve read I still feel quite shaken and astonished that he would try given everything he put me through.”
I can imagine that. It is something you do not expect.
Not one response to my narc’s hoovers ended well for me, he did it just to hurt me again. They are angry, because you left them and moved on. They do not want this to happen. You are theirs and you should praise them for ever. That is what they want. In the meantime they will do just as they like, have multiple women, cheat, lie, anything. Sally do not ever fall for it (again) if you do not want to be hurt again. xx
Thank you HG, a curiosity, how do you react if we do not react at all, in any way, ever. I mean does this non-behaviour bother you at all?
It wounds.
Thank you thank you thank you HG. I ve seen my narc colleagues many times… such a pity play… well he ignores me but watch at me. He s a midrange. Wanted me as a dirty little secret. I ve wounded him. And he s giving me a silent treatment. After that day with him i ve thought maybe he was not really a narc. So i ve written him mails saying we could make peace together. But he is a narc. And he answered me a horrible mail saying that i wrote him to much and that for the moment he doesn t want to speak with me any more. Let me laugh 😉 he doesn t speak with me for 5 months. Any way… cause of all your articles ( thanks you soooooo much ) i ve blocked him on what s ap. How will he react ? I have to see him soon. Need to be prepared !!!!!!! Thank you !
You are welcome.
Hg ? Do you think he ll try to hoover me ? And how ? What will he do next ?
This is a matter for consultation because of the need for detail from you and from me.
I hope I’m able to not ever go back.
It broke me in so many ways, on so many levels.
Stay strong, Tammy! You can do it! If you are here, you are in the right place. Just knowing you’re not alone and it’s not your fault is HUGE. I know that broken feeling for sure. It took me a long time to get better and even if you think you’re safe you do have to stay vigilant like H.G. says.