Every Day Spent With Me Means Another Part Of Your Heart Dies
The heart of an empath is treasured by our kind. Whilst our own hearts are black and iced, the heart of the empath radiates with fuel. It is capable of love, desire, admiration, compassion, concern, hurt and so many other emotions which radiate from it. The empathic heart is a veritable fuel pump and as such is coveted by us. It has so much more to it than that which we have in our hearts. We are envious of this but recognise how such a heart is there to serve us and cater for our needs.
You, as an empathic individual, also have one further major difference between your heart and ours.
Yours is free.
Your heart is free to choose who it engages with. Who it falls in love with, who it wishes to show joy to, who it wishes to share its innermost desires and secrets with. It is free to show its pain to those that it chooses.
We are jealous of that freedom. Our desire to receive the bountiful fuel which is pumped from you by this delicious heart brings with it our desire to capture it and prevent you exercising this freedom any further.
Our dark hearts are bound to the venom that flows through us, to the vitriol which we spray over those around us and the adherence to hatred, envy, fury and other such dark emotions. Our hearts know no such freedom like yours. The nature of our hearts is that they are pre-ordained in how they will function.
In capturing your heart for the purposes of fuel, we also desire to capture your heart to take away this freedom that you have and the absolute method of removing this freedom is to bring about the effective ‘death’ of your heart.
We are insidious agents, proponents of the salami-slicing approach which enables us to secure our aims through a thousand deft and delicate cuts so that you never notice what is actually happening. We are no different in this modus operandi when it comes to the ‘killing’ of your heart. The death of your heart is effected through the removal of its freedom.
Each and every day we advance our cause to gain fuel and to secure the bondage of your heart, little by little, as we strip it of its freedom. Through the dazzling love-bombing we invade it, taking it piece by piece so that it belongs to us. We permeate your life through our compliments, our apparent love, our fabricated passion for you, our illusory desire as you are gradually over run and conquered. With each passing day as we unleash our charm on you, our legions of text messages, our battalions of telephone conversations and the marching foot soldiers of love, we take a piece of your heart and capture it. Thus a part of it has effectively ‘died’ since it has lost that free will.
Of course, entirely consistent with the notion of romance that you have been indoctrinated with, the capture of your heart in such a way is regarded as a wonderful thing. You are regarding this capture as one which is healthy, respectful and you do not recognise that it has been predicated on a false premise.
Once we have you embedded your heart is ours. It has been captured. You no longer are afforded the choice of where your emotions can be directed. They must be directed towards us and us alone for the purposes of our fuel provision. The onslaught continues as having captured your heart, we then set about our scorched earth approach through devaluation as our despicable manipulations and horrid machinations are deployed against you for the purposes of maintaining the occupation of your heart and the total hegemonic control of its emotional output.
We captured the good – the love, the admiration, the compassion, the happiness, the joy and so forth.
Now we capture the bad – the pain, the hurt, the fear, the terror, the hatred and all other negative emotions.
Little by little, day by day, we invade your heart and occupy it, making it ours, commandeering its emotional resources for our own use and in so doing we strip away its ability to function in a free manner.
The removal of this freedom is how your heart dies when you are with us.
This happens on a daily basis as we slowly cause your heart to ‘die’ through our polluted control of you.
23 thoughts on “Every Day Spent With Me Means Another Part Of Your Heart Dies”
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It’s been 5 months post-escape. 3 hoovers. Last one was recently on my birthday. He sent a text that he wanted to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. The guy hated birthdays, he never congratulated even his own mother. I got pissed and answered sarcastically (mistake, I know). He answered back, I went silent. Nothing since then.
I started dating someone. The guy is kind, caring, he does things my ex-N never did for me for 3 years.
And… I just don’t want him. His kindness is annoying me. I feel nothing for him. I got depressed that only my N was able to give me the high, the passion, the love and everything and I almost reached out one night to tell him what bastard he is and that I will love him til I die.
Twisted, huh ?
I haven’t stopped reading here for these past months. I thought I was stronger. I thought I can do it. I can be with someone else, I can date, have sex, make plans. Sex was boring, but I was proud of myself that I could simply have sex with another man, after the N.
And here I am again, broken and hopeless.
Why can’t I feel anything for a normal nice guy? Not being able to feel a thing, makes me idealize my ex, because he was the only one who could give me that excitement. I never thought that after 5 months of misery, I could feel the urge to tell him I love him. I thought I despised him in my guts.
My mind has painted him white because the other person is not able to provoke any excitement in me. And now so many memories are coming back…
Something similar happened to any of you?
Maybe I should just accept my fate that I am drawn to narcissists and that I will love and crave my narcissist until I die.
I recommend you organise a consultation to assist you in moving forward.
Thanks HG, I will consider it, hope I can afford it soon.
Ema
Or maybe you could try dating others until you find one that excites (or at least satisfies) without the abuse? Logical thinking tells you there are other good men besides this one, and ones that won’t abuse you. Emotional thinking tells you to look for things wrong with them so you can justify returning to your drug of choice – the narcissist.
One of the hardest parts of being disengaged by a narcissist is learning that things to which you, as an empath, assigned meaning do not have inherent meaning. Sex is not always bonding, gifts aren’t always altruistic, time and attention spent don’t always equate to attachment. Being with a narcissist undoes all of those comfortable associations and it is hard to find anything to have those symbolic meanings again.
HG, what it the narcissist’s partner is a kind of person who also loves attention from others and likes to brag about herself and people she knows so she will post on social media that she has the best family in the world, she will mention a friend that makes her especially happy, she will praise a friend who bought her a present, she will show flowers from a cousin and so on?
Basically she serrounds herself with many people and like to brag about them – showing them she appreciates them, let them feel special (and showing herself special as she gets special treatment and attention from others). Everything while in relationship with narcissist.
Will it wound the narcissitic (mid range) partner since he likes to be a center of attention, the one and only who can make her happy and control her amotions? Will the fact she gives so much attention to others and also gets attention from them iritate him, force him to start manipulation pity plays, silent treatments? What if this occurs during the golden period – will a narcissist accept this behaviour during the honeymoon phase or will it be too dificult for him to accept he is not the hub of the Universe?
During the golden period the narcissist will bask in the reflected glory and acquire the fuel that originates from such boasts – “You are so lucky to have such an appreciative wife.”
During devaluation, such bragging would be seen to deflect attention away from the narcissist and be used against the partner.
HG, in seizing control of our hearts,what’s the biggest thrill for you? What’s the turn-on? What’s the real prize in dismantling us?
Fuel.
I think this is why empaths with young kids need to reconsider getting in a relationship with a narcissist. They are not only horrible step parents, they will also compete with your kids for your love and attention. Something that they really need in their formative years. When I was in the thick of my attraction to the narc this was one of the factors that made me decide not to be ensnared. My kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world, it was my decision and desire. They are my responsibility.
mommypino, very good point. It’s one thing to put ourselves through it but not fair for the children. I understand the circumstances where the narcissist is the father. That would be a much harder situation to deal with. Mother’s should protect their children first, everything comes after. I didn’t stay with my kid’s dad but he had visitation. My children turned out pretty good considering. Unfortunately my middle daughter has relationship issues. It comes from growing up listening to false promises and lies from her dad. I chose not to be in a relationship after we split up. This was a personal choice because dating is so hard and I didn’t want to expose them to the ups and downs. It wasn’t until they were in their later teens that I got serious about an relationship. Unfortunately that’s when I met my second narc and here I am haha.
Hi Mercy, thank you for sharing. I admire you for putting your children’s welfare first. I agree with everything that you said. Good luck in your journey towards healing from the second narc. ❤️
Mommypino, thank you and good luck to you as well.
We can’t stop having hearts or lights that shine from within, because that’s who we are, and that’s our role in the world. I don’t care what a narc wants, why he’s being nice, why he hoovers. I don’t care if I give him happy fuel (it will never be negative again), or if I don’t. If he wants to pout and be demented, so be it, he’s not my responsibility. My job in the world is to be empathetic, happy, loving- not blindly, not unwisely or gullibly. Those qualities can be left to the narcissists, in their terminal denial, George Costanza’s -if they believe hard enough in a lie, that makes it true -kind of warped logic. My role is to love everyone, enjoy them, overlook them, and I won’t change. I can achieve anything a narc can, only better because it’s without malice or jealousy or vengeance or backstabbing. I can because no narc will ever fill me with doubt again, and their jealousy and competitiveness are not mine.
I get along with my narc mother because she’s not a ranting mean person. She’s a narc, if they were mean, they’d never be able to manipulate anyone. I enjoy talking with her, she’s my mom. If I were a narc, I’d have a chip on my shoulder, but I’m an empath, so I’m empathetic. She was talking about how everyone has to die, she’s in her eighties, one foot in the grave she said. Everyone she knows has passed, and she’s going to get after my brother when she gets to the other side for not listening to her and allowing himself to die instead of taking care of himself. She has dementia now. It’s interesting knowing she’s a narcissist now and listening to the things she says. I asked her if she’s feeling depressed, and she said no, she doesn’t get depressed. She said she just can’t imagine the world without her in it, then she kind of chuckled a little, but she meant it.
thanks for sharing. Why did you make a point of not giving negative fuel to narcs? Maybe we should not give them any fuel at all? I just want to get out!
Because I work with my narc so I still see him. I’ve known him for years and I used to be his fountain of negative fuel. Now that I understand what he is and why he does things, I’m no longer upset or trying to correct him. I’m so happy now with the burden of him lifted off of me, that that’s the only fuel he could possibly get from me. I don’t see or talk to him much anymore, but occasionally there’s a normal office chit chat. And I know, just the atmosphere of him is toxic and disturbing, but I’m handling it as logically and unemotionally as possible.
I love what you wrote. Thank you for sharing.
I wish my matrinarc is also not mean but she is. She’s a lesser. I don’t enjoy talking to her but I keep in touch out of duty. She doesn’t have any income either so I am the only source of money for her so I help. But she cannot open her mouth without saying something mean about me or my friends or our relatives who are good people. She wears clothes that I told her doesn’t look good. I bought her all kinds of nice clothes and she altered them and made pot holders out of some of them. She also spits in public when I take her somewhere even though I told her so many times that it’s disgusting. She drives me nuts. Sometimes I wish she was a mid-ranger instead.
HG – I am also echoing Veroniques’ words. Our hearts can NOT die. They can never die. Yes, sure, there is often the monumental wounding (which in some cases is mortal) that may take years in some cases to recover from.
But what lies beneath can never EVER be truly extinguished. Just like we can never EVER stop being an Empath. Your words. Which i agree with.
It’s a truism but time is indeed a great healer. There are many of my kind, who even under monumental pressures from the Greaters’ themselves…it just doesn’t always work. In my own personal experience, it has never worked.
Even when I wasn’t self-aware, at some point every Empath will just go, no. It may take them years but they’ll get it. Eventually.
As to the point we’ll attract others. Of course we will! I think that for me, is the saddest point of the whole issue. But I’d rather have the blindfold off and deal with every person day by day being fully self aware than walk in darkness. I do have you to thank for that.
How pitifull and how sad and maybe above all, what a waste of energy. Empaths desperately want to love and be loved. Narcassits desperately want that love energy/fuel. At the end of the day I pose this question. Maybe the most fundemental of them all.
Who is able to freely dispense energy and who does not have the ability to do this themselves?
I shall pose another question to you HG. Where is that love energy coming from in the first place and why?
In my relationships my heart has been battered but hasn’t died I won’t be controlled for long it’s to suffocating and I start to fight back just so I can breathe again I am not afraid of being alone and I always bounce back granted it can take a while I learnt to be independent a long time ago
The only problem is that when I get back to myself there is always another one waiting I have a very happy outgoing disposition most of the time and I love adventure the narcissists that find me are drawn to that then want me to change into something I cannot keep up with it’s when the accusations of cheating start the arguments and threats toward me and others I care about start my heart has gone cold towards the narcissist though the goso comes easy after that
Mi only ever seem to be attracted to narcissists how do I stop them from finding me?
They will always be drawn to you. You need to be able to identify, evade and remain evasive. I will equip you with the tools.
Thanks 🙏 I think I may need it