Sex and the Narcissist
No holds barred and no strings attached
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform
Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that
Also available in paperback on Amazon
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14 thoughts on “Sex and the Narcissist”
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I thought I would never be able to have amazing sex again and that was not the case. I met a guy and he gave me butterflies for the first time ever. IT WAS AMAZING SEX AND HIS ENERGY FELT SOOOO GOOD. I would feel drained after the narc, but with him i had energy. I got so many tasks done and found a new job!!!! Hope on some new HEALTHY dick ladies lmao!!!!!
You’re welcome!
I read about virgins, in this book finally, kinda scary (and I thought it would be the opposite)….. But I think in my position it would be different and I am safe! Makes me glad I am married.
I just want to know how you go back to regular sex when I had the best sex of my life with him. I catch myself wanting to answer a Hoover for just that alone. Which makes me feel even more worthless. How do I wrap my head around that. How do you go back to just eh. Nobody will ever measure up in that dept at least. Sigggggggh
Cookies, I hear you – I get it – I’ve been there. It is compelling, the mother of all temptation and irritatingly enticing all at the same time.
You will always have the memories and they are the trade-off, the only redeeming element of the relationship once the full picture is known.
It is true, I have not found that chemistry again. However, at the times I have been tested and I have entertained the thought of uniting that sexual energy again, ‘just one last time’, I remember a piece of advice the N gave me when we were 16 years old, “don’t give yourself to people who don’t deserve you”.
That is exactly why he will never have me again.
You seize the sexual power for yourself cookies1980
You can learn from the experience, you know more now what you like….. there’s no reason why you can’t guide in order to receive, if you get my drift.
Know thyself before you know anybody else as the saying goes. Maybe be more proactive rather than passive? I’m drawing a long bow but trying to help.
Time to stop?!
I know what you mean Cookies1980, but, did you read the book? The best sex of your life wasn’t real. He was not experiencing the best sex of his life, it was just a mechanical act, a performance. All fake. He wasn’t enjoying you, but enjoying the fuel coming from you when you were admiring his “skills”.
Maybe right now, (because you’re still in detox?) you think you’ll never experience that sexiness again, but that’s really not the case. I know, because I had amazing sex with my empathic, loving ex. Things didn’t work out, but still, there was nothing vanilla or regular about the sex. And the connection was real, that’s a huge difference.
I also still struggle to forget the narc. We go way back, and I romanticized our story. But I try to remember his creepy stare. The dark, develish eyes that made me feel he could kill me if he wanted to. The lack of true intimacy, the way he neglected me after sex. That stuff was real, and stops me from doing something stupid like unblocking him.
Cookies1980, look on the bright side: he showed you what you like sexually. That’s great! Now you can go out and get it from someone else (maybe it won’t happen right away, but that’s normal). It’s also normal to want more of what makes us feel good (regardless of the non-immediate consequences), humans and animals in general are wired for instant gratification. It’s nothing to feel bad about, as long as you continue to act rationally in accordance with your beliefs.
When you’re comparing the sex with non-narcissists, remember that the brain on drugs will experience things differently, more intensely, and that it’s normal to not be able to reach the same state when (emotionally) sober. You get to decide whether you want to do the drugs and get the excitement or not.
Cookies1980
No one will ever measure up?
If you think about it, half of the sex equation was you, and he was also mirroring you, so he only played a very small part. Your brain did most of the work in your satisfaction and you still have your brain, so no need to give up.
Totally that, NA!
NarcAngel,
” Your brain did most of the work in your satisfaction and you still have your brain, so no need to give up.”
This made me giggle this morning – some days (post-entanglement) feel like I only have half a brain left….
But you are so right; most of the sexual stuff happens in our brains…wait, I said *most*…certainly not all..not the best parts in my opinion…if it were so all anybody would ever need are online entanglements…and a free hand.
WhoCares
Haha. Yes, I was careful to say most. Let’s just not overstate their part or give them too much credit when we were doing the heavy lifting (so to speak).
Ugh I need this point of view.
I’m afraid to have sex lately anyway.
Excellent, eye opening, book !