This Time It Will Work
When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.
You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.
52 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
I met a guy recently and was intrigued by him (maybe my first sign he is a possible narcissist LOL). My issue is that of the little communication we have had, at one point he acted like a horse’s backside regarding a situation. He remained nice to me through the situation. Those who witnessed how he handled the situation right away had comments about it and one even said he was a narcissist. While I do not foresee anything developing with this particular situation, I am wondering at what point do we say “stay far away as it won’t work this time with this possible narcissist although it is a different relationship” versus saying “we all have narcissistic tendencies and this situation may have brought his out?”
HG
Hmm. Indeed 🤔
Yet you’ve already said countless times that you get bored of the “strawberry ice cream”.
You must have the negative fuel regardless.
You’ve already said countless times that it can’t be any other way.
That’s the truth of the matter.
That’s what you’ve already said.
So:
“This time” will always be a repeat of last time…that is until you are the one that learns the grass is not greener on the other side.
You already have a belief system that you will not change, as you have yourself admitted.
In the rigidity of saying you will not change, you cannot change and you see no reason to change.. “this time” remains the repeat of ‘every time.’
This is not a criticism.
You do not believe in hope.
Yet this article is the epitome of hope.
Logically this article flies in the face of everything you believe already.
That is the logic of it here.
You do not like continued strawberry ice cream and you never will.
These are the conclusions to the “this time indulgence.”
Already in the dish, very carefully prepared in advance, is the dish of the fresh serving of strawberry ice cream. The last one melted through no fault of its own having been exposed to a warm dish placed in the hot hand of an eager diner travelling in a hot air balloon sightseeing over the mouth of a volcano.
I think depends on cadre, the Narcs always have that hope there is someone out there for them.
Weirdly especially the Greater wants a good relationship but HG has done his personality work and knows in all likelihood it won’t happen or he will tolerate our perceived failures more as he ages.
Part of how I got to where I am emotionally with my healing, is understanding that the Narcissist is not capable of a healthy relationship -duh- but really. This time of the year, narcissist are usually trying to establish a Golden Period with a new IPPS. It can be hard for those who have recently disengaged from a Narc. I stopped beating myself up when I realized that a Narcissist is simply incapable. The Cerebral Ex is still going to be single this year, so no need to laugh at them. The Somatic Ex will devalue their new IPPS after the holidays so no need to get jealous. Their life is lived by cycles, and empath can move on and forward.
“Their life is lived by cycles, and empath can move on and forward.”
So true! So well said.
What happens to the aging empath?
Dragonfly
“What happens to the aging empath?”
Based on my own experience and what I have witnessed, they spend a lot of time with grandchildren, garden, enjoy retirement and travel. There is never a shortage of people to love or experiences to enjoy.
Hi Windstorm
I don’t use emojis often but for your response i feel it appropriate
❤️💪🏿💃🏾
Such a great last sentence too.
Thank you very much, Tappi! I love emojis! ❤️
WS, the goodness of your soul always eminates right through. You shine!! 🌟
Thank you, Clarece. You shine as well! It always brightens my day to read your comments. ❤️
Oh I’m sending a huge bear hug to you WS! 😜
My pleasure WS
Your piano incident has imprinted itself on my mind for days.
The callousness and calculation. Staggering x
Tappi
Sorry if my piano memories caused you any grief. It was definitely a pivotal moment for me.
From that moment on, I knew without any doubt that he could not possibly love me. Never had and never would. It was a devastating realization, but at least I finally knew for sure.
It’s our indecision that traps us. So in a way, it was the beginning of my moving forward to a better life and freedom from abuse.
Windstorm
Although it was hard for many of us to read the piano incident because we felt for you in that moment, I’m glad you shared it, because it demonstrates the limits and pivotal moments for some people. That you got beyond it and found a solution that works for you is inspirational to others.
Thanks, NarcAngel.
Sometimes horrible things happening propel us to grow.
Hope you’re having a great weekend. I’m getting ready to meet my oldest son and his two girls (almost 3&5) for lunch and to go see the Grinch. Planning to have fun!
Hey! Windstorm fun fact: When this granddaughter turns three next week, I will have grandchildren who are 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 years old!
That only lasts till late January when the other 2 year old will turn 3, but I think it’s really cool! Hopefully we can get them all in the same picture at Christmas! 🎄
Windstorm
I am having a great weekend thank you. Yours sounds excellent as well. That is indeed a rare thing to have their ages all line up like that. Happy to see you in your element and wishing you much fun on your outing!
Enjoy this holiday season with all those grandkids and hope the movie is fun this afternoon.
Glad to hear you ladies enjoying your weekend. I am out on my patio myself and it is a lovely day.
NA: I wanted to tell you, remember that mess coworker of mine? You might have forgotten, but I wrote about her a while ago, but she is a codependent empath who has zero boundaries and attracts only losers and scummy people.
Well, this past week she was fired for doing a no call/no show at work. She has always had a problem with perpetual lateness and this was the last straw.
Then a coworker of mine looked up her name followed by the word ‘mugshots’ and you got it. Arrested last week and has been in jail due to drug possession.
She is a nice person, too giving, funny, but what a train wreck in her life. She has a boyfriend who has been incarcerated himself, and we’re convinced she was homeless while she worked there–living out of her truck, and in her storage facility, etc.
She would come to work on weekends and take food from the refrigerator, claiming to ‘borrow’ it.
It is a sad thing. She is a mess but is waayy too giving and has some really bad friends. She doesn’t cut anyone from her life because she needs to build this false sense of security ‘knowing they are there.’
She is older than I but so much more regressed in her emotional state. And I say this as someone who used to have very poor boundaries myself. But no more.
Very interesting events at work, to say the least.
Hope you are well, Windstorm.
Bibi
Thank you. I am well. That is very sad about your coworker. There are way more people out there like that than we think.
Students at school will say innocent things that reveal they live in a camper or that they stay with their granny who doesn’t have an indoor bathroom. Or that they used to live in a car before they moved in with their aunt, or that their electricity has been turned off all this month.
I’ll never forget one boy went to tell a funny story and he began with, “Well, I was sleeping on the floor because it was my sister’s time to get to sleep in the bed…”. It never occurred to him that not having a bed of his own was unusual.
Hi WS!
The story about your student sharing that it was his sister’s turn to sleep in the bed struck me again how as children, we accept the routines by our parents (or caretakers) as the norm and code by which to structure your life.
Can you imagine later in life, when he’a married and starting a family, if they are of lesser means, he may think nothing of making a blanket pallet on the floor for the child instead of a toddler bed and the wife being shocked and saying that is not normal?
That is a cute story. Sadly so many abused kids think everyone’s home life is similar. Until they have an a-ha moment as they get older and find out not everyone.
Bibi
I do remember. She drove you all crazy with her behaviours and it affected your workplace. It is sad, but the problem with wanting to help people like her is that they often latch on and take over your life. Like they were unaware but looking for a host. It can feel callous to turn away but sometimes its simply self preservation.
NarcAngel
“but the problem with wanting to help people like her is that they often latch on and take over your life.”
I’ve been sitting here thinking about your comment to Bibi. It is very apt and I’ve seen people like this all my life. They remind me of leeches in a lake. There is a mindlessness about them and getting involved with them is a sort of trap. In order to “help” them, you have to hurt yourself or hurt someone else. And I put “help” in quotes because often doing what they want you to do for them is not even really helpful for them in the long run. But they never seem to understand this.
Windstorm
Yes. Some people are not merely looking for support, direction, or assistance, but they think they just need “a little help” or that you’re just “luckier” than they are. I feel bad for those people when I identify them but I cannot let them in. Their neediness doesn’t add – it depletes and overrides any satisfaction you could derive from helping them.
NarcAngel
It’s a red flag for me whenever someone comments about me being “lucky” for having something they don’t. They are almost always unhealthy people to be around. From that point on they’re on my “watch list.”
Windstorm
I have had many people tell me I’m lucky. Matter of fact someone told me today that I’m “lucky” to have such a great husband. When I responded: Yes, and he’s lucky also, I got that look thats says: well someone is pretty high on themselves! whereas I just think thats acknowledging someone else while knowing your own worth. Why do people think there’s something wrong with that?
The worst offender of that though was/is my mother.
You’re just lucky you got a good job
You’re lucky to have the opportunity to retire. You didn’t have to work as long or as hard as me.
You’re just lucky you’re thin
You’re just lucky you got a good man. (I had to correct her that I had two so I’m waaay luckier than her)
You’re just lucky…………
Yup. I’m so lucky to have been slave and witness to your twisted “unlucky” mess.
NarcAngel
Yep. Your comments from your mother just prove my point.
Maybe what sets off my mental alarms when I hear that I’m “lucky” is the realization that this person doesn’t see the connection between what they do and what happens to them. And people who don’t realize this are dangerous to be around.
As NA says, thank you for sharing such personal experiences as it is indeed instructional.
I have to say, lucky there are strict gun laws in the country I live in (you may have recently read I’m from Aust). A bullet to the foot. Or the knee. Or the genitals. May have been my response. Despite children being present. I know the damage was already done to your piano but…..
Thanks again for your openness dear Windstorm xx
Hey Windstorm:
Yes people when they get used to something often never realize it doesn’t need to be this way.
I do feel sad for her, but this coworker has dug herself into her own grave that I don’t know she’ll ever get out of.
She gave me some insights though into a different type of emotional thinking. A few of us have told her to cut these bad people from her life–that includes boyfriends and bitchy female friends.
She could not do it because she felt a loyalty to them and by keeping them in her life, she was creating this sense of security, or so she thinks.
She is someone who absorbs everyone’s crap. Like if her friend is having a crisis, she immediately follows. She’s made mistakes at work because a friend of hers was having a bad day. (She’ll get the text and it will interrupt her thought process. I’m like–turn off your damn phone!) She left work last week because she had to go pick up a friend who was in a car accident.
I told her to tell the friend to get an uber and that you’re at work. Seriously, why should you just drop everything for this person and that person? And it wasn’t like just once or twice but every week there was some crisis.
It’s that old adage, ‘You become the company you keep.’ Some people just never learn.
I know that for me, keeping the loser Mid Range narcissist around for longer than needed involved not necessarily security but I got to thinking he was ‘the only one who could ever understand me.’
The funny thing is how we would argue so much via the word salad and I had to explain what trust and honesty and friendship meant, yet here I was still convinced ‘he was the only one who understood me.’
I find it interesting to see the convoluted ways emotional thinking creeps in and tries to convince us we need something we don’t.
Bibi
We’re all of us subject to emotional thinking. That never goes away. I try to deal with it by keeping an open mind and observing life and situations like they were science experiments, playing devil’s advocate and always questioning. But that’s just strategies to deal with it. Nothings ever going to make ET go totally away. It’s hardwired into who I am. But then I’ve never wanted to be anyone else! Lol!
Amen, WS — and pass the cranberry bread! 🙂
I agree that the ET will never go away fully, and nor should it, but it is important to recognize it. It is so true that the ONLY way to master your emotions is to first master your mind.
When I catch myself engaging in ET, I stop and remind myself that this is only my perception and that perception does not = reality. Thus I am able to talk myself out of it. I feel better afterwards. A good night’s sleep can do wonders.
When the mind is strong, emotions follow. 2018 is nearing its end and this has been a year of much self-reflection.
Dear Mr Tudor,
The “weasel” appears to be on the prowl, again…. “this time”
We have observed a habitual ritual with this critter, again … “this time”
When he’s on the hunt, facial hair suddenly appears on his big eared small face, in the hope to attract …he uses this piece of fur to beacon his availability, but unfortunately his hungry appetite and over supply of food, has increased his underbelly and is unable to run as quickly on his short legs, from his burrow
“This time”, the weasel is older, he has sustained a permanent injury, is weak and must use younger members of his “gang” to hunt for his food
Retirement is imminent, therefore hunting could affect his health and mental capabilities as he is very active and cunning …food will be in shorter supply
It will be interesting to see what happens to this predictable critter …”this time”
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Another great article “this time” Mr Tudor 😉
Bubbles
Looks like it is time to set some Weasel traps!
Dearest K,
That’s what Mr Bubbles suggested as well …. great minds … haha
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Damn hg the golden period can last the whole time…unfortunately I dont believe you…i think it is all a mirage…yes?
HG
What age were you when the concept of your legacy was born and you started laying the groundwork for it?
30s
How long after you thought about this legacy did the family intervention for your “frenzied” behavior take place? Did therapy help form this plan or did you see therapy at first as a major obstacle that may block your progress with creating your legacy?
No. Yes.
How is being a parasite noble?
You use lots and lots (and lots) of pretty words but you are nothing more than a parasitic organism.
Leslie
How is a parasite noble?
I don’t know about noble, but you sure seem to be stuck to HG and sucking on his every word despite your protests that he is not worthy of any attention. Are you so latched on that you can’t let go?
Bravo!
No one says it better than you NA!!
NA. Where did Leslie go? I think you hurt her feelings.
Love your straight forward ness. For me it stung but helped make the bulb a little brighter. Thank you for that. My journey is still on going but once I reach the finish line and go over it your name will definitely by amongst those in the credits
Kim E
My approach is not for everyone and I’m glad you can see that it comes from concern that we (including me) look at all sides in order to get clarity and not with the intention to hurt. Thank you for understanding that and for your kind words.
NA
This made me literally cry for all involved. I know this will anger a lot of people but I just cant find fault in narc’s doing what they are created to do. Whatever or whoever created them, it is just the way they are made, just like we are the way we are. This article just struck a cord with me.
Hi, KimE,
You having that understanding and compassion about their disorder is a good thing, and I’ve got that soft heart as well…in being friends with a narcissist, I have to balance that aspect out with a lot of logic — so that I don’t pity him to the point where I enable any bad behavior or get taken advantage of…I don’t know if you have kids/nieces or nephews (or have babysat), but if you always keep in mind a child having a tantrum to get their way… they’re acting out based on their developmental age, but you know it’s not in their best interest to indulge that behavior — for them or for you. So I feel like my compassion doesn’t do any good if it becomes pity (and this guy doesn’t want pity anyway)…
So I push myself to be disciplined about it/stronger of mind for his (and my) sake — even though he will never really know all the thought I put into it. But he has responded to me in a more positive way than I thought he would, with my balancing act. There are definitely improvements, in our interactions. The jury is still out (for me) on how much he is willing to change some aspects. Time will tell.
It’s a simple example, but I wanted to comment, as I can relate to your feelings.
Caroline. Thanks for your thoughts.
I do have an issue with my comment in regards to I wonder if as you say “my understanding and compassion about their disorder “ is part of what is keeping me stuck.
But I stick by my comment as it is truly how I feel
Your heart won’t be an issue (as in bitter later)… but ’tis the season to nail down the cold, hard facts. Writing things down can be immensely helpful, to counter your sentimentality. I’m really glad you’re always seeking support.
I also don’t ascribe to assigning blame or vilifying them… they are who they are. Just make sure that you don’t confuse cognitive empathy (understanding and accepting them as they are) with emotional empathy (feeling for them and trying to make them feel a certain way, like happy, loved, accepted etc.). The first is fine, the second is futile.
Morning Sun
Well said.
Hello Morning sun
I am positive it is cognitive and not emotional. I feel that way towards everyone that I meet. I believe you accept them for who they are. Doesn’t mean I like them all….. just means I accept them for who they are