You’d Better

YOU'D BETTER

What goes through the mind of the Lesser Narcissist when he has decided that he must respond with regards to some transgressor, some traitor, some disloyal appliance which has affronted him in some way?  What are his thoughts as he bears down on the one who now represents everything that he despises? Whether they have escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the Lesser Narc Empire, what is his response? This is a glimpse inside to understand what is his mind-set.

You’d better fucking get in line you bitch because you’ve messed with the wrong marine. You’d better get your backside back where it belongs and do as you are told. You’d better shut your hole, open your legs and give me what is my right. You’d better keep your mouth shut otherwise I will shut it for you. You’d better not go crying to your brothers or I will beat the shit out of them too. You’d better get back to our home and you’d better be there by the time I get back, do you hear me? You’d better listen to me and you’d better listen good, I own you, you are mine and if you so much as think of ratting on me, I will make your life not worth living.

You’d better understand that I wear the trousers around here and the sooner you get used to that, then the easier it is going to be. You’d better not start letting your mouth flap to people and telling lies about me, you know what happened last time you did that. You’d better do as you are told because it is for your own good, yeah? You’d better get back here and do it straight away, do you hear me? You’d better have a good excuse for what you’ve done, I am sick of you not doing what I want. You’d better learn your place missy.

You’d better get this house tidied. You’d better have my dinner ready. You’d better have some money for me for my beers. You’d better not have eaten my do-nuts. You’d better get that damn child of yours to shut up so I can watch the game in peace. You’d better dress pretty for me. You’d better stop dressing like a whore. You’d better stop talking to the neighbour ‘cos I know what’s going on, I’m not stupid.

You’d better stop with those long words you use, thinking you are all clever and mighty. You’d better forget any idea of going back to school, you belong here with me. You’d better remember whose side you are on. You’d better remember who looks after you. You’d better remember that if it was not for me, you’d still be living in that shit hole with no money. You’d better not be taking the piss out of me. You’d better not call me stupid. You’d better not treat me like a fool. You’d better stop with those ideas, you won’t be anything. You’d better stop trying to better yourself. You’d better stay with me.

You’d better stay away from her, she is trouble I tell you. You’d better tell your mother to shut her mouth, who does she think she is talking to me like that? You’d better give it me or I will just take it anyway. You’d better stop making things up. You’d better leave me alone, can’t you see I am tired. You’d better stop your moaning, I will get a job when I want to. You’d better stop your nagging or I will make you stop. You’d better stop going about your needs, I am sick of you being selfish.

You’d better give me a baby soon or I am finding someone who will. You’d better get rid of it because I sure as hell don’t want no kid. You’d better go to the clinic. You’d better be in when I get home or there will be hell to pay. You’d better have it fixed or else. You’d better stay out of my way because I am this far from beating you down. You’d better stop taking his side. You’d better believe me when I tell you I didn’t do nothing.

You’d better not call the cops. You’d better not say anything. You’d better tell them the truth and that you made a mistake. You’d better tell them I was here all night. You’d better not touch my phone. You’d better let me see your ‘phone. You’d better not complain. You’d better not moan. You’d better give it to me or I will just do it anyway. You’d better get a new one then. You’d better pass me a beer. You’d better find me some money. You’d better get off my case. You’d better clean this place, it’s a shit hole. You’d better get off your fat ass and do some work.

You’d better run back home or I will come and drag you back. You’d better tell your father to keep his nose out or I will break it. You’d better answer me. You’d better pick up. You’d better open this fucking door or I swear I will kick it down. You’d better not be seeing nobody else. You’d better be in by ten. You’d better not be flirting with him or I will kill you both. You’d better stop going out. You’d better stay in. You’d better do what I want. You’d better know what I mean. You’d better not make me repeat myself.

You’d better wipe it up and get on with it. You’d better pretend everything is alright. You’d better make sure he is gone when I get home from the yard. You’d better not have those kids there. You’d better ring your mom and tell her you are fine. You’d better get used to it because that’s the way it is. You’d better enjoy yourself. You’d better smile. You’d better stop that crying. You’d better show you like it. You’d better show me that you care. You’d better do it right this time. You’d better get on with it.

You’d better start showing me some respect. You’d better realise that I am the boss. You’d better start earning your keep. You’d better stop complaining. You’d better shit or get off the pot. You’d better show me that you love me. You’d better stop being jealous. You’d better realise they’re my friends. You’d better stop being such a pain in the ass. You’d better stop trying to be better than you are. You’d better remember where you come from. You’d better get with the programme. You’d better do it my way or get the fuck out. You’d better stop this. You’d better quit messing around. You’d better suck it and suck it good. You’d better have something I like to eat. You’d better not have made any of that foreign rubbish. You’d better have paid the bills. You’d better not have used my car. You’d better not have let her in. You’d better not have spoken against me.

You’d better let me do it or I will find someone who will. You’d better put out for me. You’d better take it and not cry. You’d better quit asking. You’d better know what I meant. You’d better stop trying to confuse me. You’d better stop blaming me when it’s your fault. You’d better get out of my way. You’d better see that you do. You’d better tell him what’s going to happen if he keeps doing that. You’d better be a good mother. You’d better start taking better care of me. You’d better smile.

You’d better get me something for this headache. You’d better quit your backchat. You’d better make this pain go away. You’d better sort this mess out. You’d better take the day off work to look after me. You’d better get your mom to have those damn kids. You’d better give me some peace. You’d better stay home and help me. You’d better go and find someone who can help. You’d better get it fixed. You’d better deal with it. You’d better sort it out. You’d better not have done. You’d better not have fucked it up.

You’d better realise I can do what I want. You’d better know you can’t stop me. You’d better understand I call the shots round here. You’d better do what’s right or else. You’d better know who is the boss.

You’d better stop being a bitch. You’d better keep your legs shut. You’d better be a man. You’d better stop being a pussy. You’d better be there. You’d better be here. You’d better be nowhere I can find you.

You’d better make things good again. You’d better be waiting for me. You’d better not be going to your parents. You’d better not be telling tales about me. You’d better not be ringing the police. You’d better not be grassing me up to them. You’d better get back home right away if you know what’s right for you.

You’d better do what I fucking well want.

You’d better shut the fuck up. Now.

You’d better.

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Death

DEATH-2

 

It is fair to state somewhat euphemistically that death is an inconvenience for everyone. In respect of my kind and me, it causes all manner of problems and issues which are especially irksome. Death generally only affects people in two respects. Their own death and the death of other people. Our responses to those two aspects are far-removed from that of the reactions of ordinary people and especially those of an empathic nature.

First of all, how do we regard the death of someone else. The demise of a stranger causes to response from us unless we realise that in order to maintain the façade that it would be advantageous to say “the right things” and come out with those empty platitudes that people do so often when they read of a tragedy somewhere. When this happens and somebody makes mention of some loss of life, perhaps the drowning of a toddler who was not being properly supervised and fell into a bath or the consequence of an aeroplane crashing, I observe the reactions of the collective with interest. There are the expressions of shock, the declarations of horror and how this is such a terrible event. As I watch and listen I do wonder who the greater charlatans are in this event. Is it me who does not care and cannot care but pretends to do so in order to maintain my precious façade or is it those who claim to care about somebody they never knew and would never have known?

If the death of someone is closer to home, a friend or a family member then my reaction is no different save that it is laced with irritation and indeed often anger at the loss of someone who was a source of fuel for me. If that person forms a supplementary source, then there is irritation at this loss but this person can readily be replaced with a new member rising to form part of my coterie. If the person who has been lost to the hand of the grim reaper is a primary source of fuel, then I am consumed with fury. How could this person treat me in this fashion? I gave them everything and then they leave me in the most complete fashion, with no chance of that sweet, sweet restoration. This departure amounts to a criticism of me, a reminder that even someone as great and powerful as I was unable to prevent the removal of a potent source of fuel. Thus this criticism ignites my fury and I rage at the injustice of their death. Some who witness this might mistake this response for an outburst of grief at the taking of this person. It is not that. It is the explosion of wrath at someone who was so potent to me escaping me and thus denying me my rightful fuel and denying me the opportunity to put in place a replacement. I do not mourn their passing away. I rage at the passing of my fuel source.

Do not expect to see me attend the funerals of those that are regarded as supposedly close to me and where my attendance might otherwise be expected. I will not be there. I know there are those of our kind who revel in the drama and the high emotion that is attached to a funeral and regard it as a honey pot for the acquisition of fuel. There are those of our kind who will hijack the occasion and make it all about them, wailing and shedding those false tears in order to draw well-meant sympathy from the other attendees. There are those of our kind who will create a scene at the funeral, arriving late, arriving drunk, collapsing part way through the service, making a snide remark in a loud stage whisper in order to draw reactions from everyone else that is there. Yes, many of our kind will attend and exhibit their over-acted grief purely to draw attention to themselves and away from the person who is now lying in the cold, hard ground. Our kind will express their huge sense of loss, how the deceased was such a wonderful father, caring mother, beloved uncle or best friend. Such a shameless performance which is carefully choreographed in funereal black to maximise the opportunity to have the spotlight shine on them and thus drink up all the attendant fuel. A disagreement will be provoked with another family member and harsh words exchanged. Over the top blubbing will take place with cries of “Don’t leave me!” as the coffin is lowered. The occasion of death and the attended ceremony provides a wonderful stage to our kind to perform our sick routines to make it all about us, fashioned from the pretence of actually caring. We do not care. We cannot care. We resent the fact that this person has escaped us. We resent the fact that everybody is turning out to pay their respects to the deceased and not training their attention onto us which is where it should belong. Should you ever witness melodrama at a funeral do not mistake it for the exaggerating effects of grief and loss, you are observing one of our kind milking the moment for all it is worth.

That is the response of many of our kind to the loss of a “loved one” or a “close friend” who has passed away after a full life or taken too soon. It is not my response. I have only ever attended one funeral in my life and that was the funeral of my father. I only broke my own protocol to do this as a consequence of the diktat from my mother and also at the behest of my younger brother who begged me to accede to her request so that she would not erupt and undermine the occasion of our father’s death. I duly obliged, just the one, purely in order to satisfy my desires however. I wanted to rein in my mother’s theatrics and watch how she really responded to the death and subsequent committing to another place of my father. You may well have read elsewhere in my works of that particular day. That was the only time that I have attended a funeral and I did it to further my own understanding and in order to loathe in my own private way the way my mother was behaving. That gave me tremendous satisfaction.

Thus, I only broke my protocol of non-attendance once and shall not do so again. Why is it that I will not attend funerals when there is such a prime opportunity to take centre stage and draw greedily on all the available fuel? It is a simple reason enough. I will not attend funerals because I do not wish to be reminded of my own mortality. Like a medieval monarch who stayed away from funerals, even of the preceding monarch and his own wives and offspring, because it would cause others to contemplate the death of the current monarch, something which was treasonable, I too will not attend. I have no desire to contemplate my demise. I do not want to recognise that one day all of this must end for this offends my notion of omnipotence. I do not wish to linger at the edge of the abyss that is life, staring into the nothingness of oblivion. Such is the finality of the mortal end to one’s existence, it engenders and raises the very prospect of that extinction that I fight against each and every day through the acquisition of fuel to maintain my construct and keep myself from being consigned into oblivion. To contemplate a mortal death is to invite the horrifying reality of the extinguishing of who I wish to be and that which I must not let happen.

I do not fear my mortal death for I will have my legacy in place and thus I shall live on through that. No, what I would rather not be reminded of, through the occurrence of the passing of others and the subsequent surrounding ceremony, is that I sometimes teeter on the brink on annihilation. The thought of that fills me with despair, only for myself and therefore I choose not to engage in that which will so forcefully and rudely remind me of it.

I know death embraces all eventually. I am not a foolish man and that is why I have worked to secure my legacy so that I may out stride death.

I care not, save for the loss of my fuel, when its cold hand snuffs out the life of others. Our type does not mourn the death of others. We are unable to do so. We are not equipped to achieve this. Never expect any sincere mourning to ever be evidenced by our kind.

I care not to contemplate what mortal death signifies for me in my ongoing struggle to keep such annihilation at bay.

Who Gets The ‘A Very Treatment’ ? – The Results

WHO GETS THE 'A VERY' TREATMENT_

You, good readers, voted and also provided some interesting thoughts and suggestions alongside the voting. Here are the individuals who will be subjected to the Tudorscope.

 

1. Oprah Winfrey

2. Barack Obama

3. Mother Theresa

4. Taylor Swift

5. = Madonna and Queen Elizabeth II

As there was a tie for fifth spot, you lucky people will get 6 for the price of 5.

Thank you for participating.

The treatments will begin in the New Year.

The Stare

 the-stare

The eyes feature prominently in an engagement with another person. You look into someone’s eyes to read them, to allow them to read you, you look away from someone in order to convey certain emotions, you fail to meet somebody’s gaze to convey others. I have written about the eyes of our kind previously but let us turn to a specific element of the use of eyes in the narcissistic dynamic and that is the stare.

Ordinarily, staring at another person is considered to be rude and ill-mannered, although it may denote fascination and even infatuation, but even that stare from a besotted admirer can be regarded as rude, never mind the unending gaze of a passer-by who cannot believe what he or she is witnessing. The stare when deployed by our kind takes on a different application altogether and it manifests at different times during your engagement with us.

  1. The Stare in Seduction

It is not used by all of our kind, but if you have been subjected to it, you will know it and you will remember it well. It was the time when those brilliant blue eyes locked with your own eyes and stared deep inside of you. Those flashing emerald eyes appeared transfixed as they stared at you. The rich brown eyes which seemed to melt as they gazed at you wavering. Whatever colour our eyes are, when you first received that seductive stare, the colour seemed to become brighter, the light shone in them and the intensity of our gaze was immense. It was not so much as being looked at, but rather an event in itself. Our steady stare was unusual as you probably had not experienced it from anyone else previously. You wanted to look away, torn between a sense of discomfort but the mesmerising quality of our eyes kept you looking back into them.

At that moment, our relentless gaze told you that you and only you mattered. There was nothing else of consequence in the universe. The background drained away, the surrounding sounds became muted and all distractions were removed. We wanted to show you that our devotion to you was beyond anything else. Only by allowing us to stare at you for such a long time were we able to convey the depths of our love, the vastness of our desire for you, the sheer scale of our need to be with you. Time slowed and then stood still, your skin tingled from the experience of this tantalising stare. Your breath caught in your lungs, your face seemed to flush and the wave of addiction washed across you, sending a shiver up and down your spine, around your neck and twisting your stomach. In that instant we became your universe as we showed you the world in our eyes.

Yet, what you really looked on as those two eyes continued to bore deep into you, was yourself. We commenced this engagement by knowing that to stare at you for an unconventional length of time would make you feel both uncomfortable and captivated so that you would then show us what was in your eyes. You would reveal to us your desire, your love, your hopes, your wants and your dedication. All we did was mirror back at you what you showed to us, amplified through the auspices of the mimicry for which we have become known. In that moment as we held your gaze from across the table, or after that kiss, or as we lay on top of you, we showed you yourself and thus sowed the seeds that caused you to fall in love with us, but really it was with yourself. That is why your love became something beyond anything that you had ever experienced before. That is why it was deep, powerful and absolute, because your subconscious saw what it wanted to see and this fired-up powerful and immense responses in you.

The world whirled in our eyes, your world. We offered limitless possibilities through the promise we mirrored back at you and by keeping you in this gaze we told you that we wanted you above anything and everything else. We wanted you. We wanted you. We wanted YOU.

  1. The Stare in Devaluation: Neutrality

In ‘Why Does He Seem Like A Different Person’, I explained about the stranger setting where the person who once lit up your life, becomes like a stranger, almost robotic. This is a change which occurs as the devaluation begins. It is not always present as some of our kind move straight into the dark abuses of the devaluation from the off, but there is a precursor to this when the person who once walked in with a cheery smile and a kiss, just enters and sits down, devoid of any prevailing emotion.

If you experience this, then you may also experience the stare at this juncture. This will be a hollow gaze which is accentuated by the blank expression that accompanies it. It is not a look of confusion or misapprehension; it is not a look of dimwittedness but is instead the empty stare of an empty person. You are looking at the void that exists within all of our kind. This represents the crossroads. The seductive stare glowed, fizzed and shone with the fabricated positive emotions which would cause you to respond with positive fuel. That has gone. The darkness of the devaluation has not yet commenced and its drawing of the negative fuel. Instead, you are looking at the in-between. The eyes which are devoid of warmth or hatred, empty of passion or malice, just a blank stare which conveys the void within.

This will cause you to become confused. It will have you ask whether everything is alright and have you wondering what has happened. You will be mystified as to where those mesmeric and scintillating gazes have gone. Why are you no longer looked at with that piercing and uplifting look? Where have we gone? If we had a soul, it is as if it has been sucked from within us, leaving only this husk behind. You cannot complain that you are being badly treated, since no abuses have yet been deployed against you. This empty and robotic stare is a warning of what is to come and should you see it in those you engage with, heed it and make good your departure because it is signaling to you that a far worse stare awaits you.

  1. The Stare in Devaluation: Malice

This, perhaps, is the stare that most associate with our kind. When you are subjected to our malicious stare, our eyes darken, emphasised by the contortion of our features which makes us appear like something else. The glowing greens, brilliant blues and blissful browns have vanished. The glinting grey eyes are no more, the halcyon hazel has been banished and instead a dark and glowering black has taken their place.

This gaze will cause you to shrink back under its impact. The hatred that is embodied in the ink darkness will turn you cold, send ice through your heart and is enough to even cause you to burst into tears. Terror will grip you because when this stare is deployed against you, you are seeing the evil in our core. The pure, unadulterated hatred which we have for you. It is seething, dense and vicious. It bears down on you, reminding you of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, a blackened glare which keeps on driving at you, pressing down on you, forcing you to feel small and wretched.

You may have caught the occasional malicious glance from us, just a flash of hatred, but that is something else. Those glimpses were warnings which could only be used for an instant to avoid detection by third parties and the fracturing of the façade. This is a stare. Sometimes it may be accompanied by hissed words of threat and insult. Sometimes it is cloaked in silence, the balefulness a clear warning that a period of silence will now be visiting you.

The person that you thought we were will be utterly absent. Your world has been annihilated in an instant and replaced by two orbs of glinting black, which tell you that you are hated. Totally hated and that much worse will be visited on you in conjunction with this stare of concentrated evil.

  1. The Stare in the Discard

This is perhaps witnessed if you are actually told of your discard. More often, it appears post discard when you try to see us, to plead with us for answers, to beg us to take you back and so forth. This stare is one of pure contempt. Disdain and distaste for you. How on earth did we come to couple with one so weak, so pathetic and so disgusting as you. You make us shudder to think that we once even looked at you with favour, love and longing. The shame we feel at choosing someone like you is thrust to one side to be overridden by a contemptuous stare, that is designed to weaken you in your tracks and tell you that in no uncertain terms we want nothing to do with you. We have someone far better. This stare is to urge you to keep away and to forbid you from reminding us that we once promised you the world. We do not want to remember such matters. Somebody else receives those promises now. You are an unfortunate reminder of a part of us which we prefer to keep locked away and this stare conveys this through contempt and loathing.

  1. The Stare in the Hoover

The Malign Follow-Up Hoover as you would expect applies the same approach as the malicious stare detailed above. Should we make contact with you for the purposes of trying to convince you to return to us, whether it is post-discard or post-escape, we will look to hold your gaze once again. This time those eyes of ours will shine again but with hope, longing and contrition. Vulnerability, sorrow and remorse may appear to loom large in the rounded and pleading gaze which we now hold you in.

Once more this is pure artifice. All we are doing is mirroring what you show to us. The hope that we might have seen the error of our ways. The longing for us to come to the realisation that we have done wrong. The sorrow for a person who must behave in this manner. The remorse that you engaged with someone so vile. The longing that you have for the golden period to shine once again. It is all manufactured as we mirror back to you what we see but for the purposes of hoodwinking you once again and with mealy-mouthed assurances and never to be delivered promises, we hook you back into our grasp.

The stare is a prominent weapon when we engage with you. It is a device that fabricates those emotions we do not possess and allows you to see the reality of who you have entangled with when you look up on the emptiness and shrink from the malice.

5 Phrases The Narcissist Uses To Blameshift

 

 5PHRASESTHE NARCISSISTUSES TOBLAMESHIFT

It is fundamental that we remain unaccountable for our actions. One of the most effective ways of avoiding this accountability, provoking you and leaving you exasperated and stunned is to engage in blame-shifting. We are the blame shifters who will always use this form of manipulation in our ceaseless quest to maintain the upper hand.

Not only is it the case that we believe we are entitled to complete immunity for what we say and do, occasioned by our innate superiority, we also believe it to be necessary for us to be able to gather fuel as often and as effectively as we do. If we were slowed down by having to make meaningful apologies, explain ourselves, account for what we have done and accept responsibility for the consequences this would absorb time that would be far better spent in the pursuit of fuel. Hampering us in such a way would result in us becoming weaker since we would not be able to gather as much fuel as usual. It is therefore necessary, so we remain sleek, effective and light of foot, for us to never be concerned about accountability and also to never allow responsibility to rest with us. As with many of our machinations, this approach also allows us to gather fuel in itself by the imposition of blame on others, usually you and the astonished and outraged emotional response which then flows from this staggering act of walking away scot free. As ever, words are our best allies when it comes to throwing off the attempt to make us assume the mantle of responsibility. Here are five of our favourites.

  1. What do you expect me to do about it?

 A delicious subtle piece of blame-shifting to begin with. We do not even state that we regard it as your fault, your responsibility or your liability with this question. Nevertheless, the implication is clear – we expect you to do something about it because we do not ‘do’ responsibility, your role is to clear up after us and you signed up to that role when you accepted our overtures. Did you miss that term of the contract? Don’t blame us, that’s your own fault.

I regularly brag about how brilliant and special I am. That I have many talents and if I so chose I could remedy many situations within moments, but notwithstanding this being the stance that I adopt to the world at large, I am not going to do that with you. Not a chance. I am not here to pick up the pieces after you, although I expect you to do so for me repeatedly. I can do as I like and you are obliged to make good the damage that I cause – collect the broken pieces of crockery, apologise to the shell-shocked friend after an outburst, try to solve the financial headache that we have left. If you have caused a problem, and let’s face it, it is always your fault anyway, you cannot expect me to do something about it. I am above such menial tasks. I have important and bigger things to attend to. Such as? I don’t have to explain myself to the likes of you. If I caused the problem (which in reality is usually the case) I am not going to do anything about it.

  1. Deal with it.

 

That’s the way it is and you had better get used to it. This haughty declaration is par the course for our sense of entitlement to do as we please. We bulldoze through everything and you just have to put up with it. You can’t walk away; we will not allow that to happen. Issuing this barked instruction at you is an effective way of upsetting you. It is telling you that you are useless and you should just be getting on with the situation rather than complaining about it. You shouldn’t be complaining; you should have already guessed that you needed to sort the situation out. Don’t ask me for help because I just do not have time for this mickey mouse nonsense.

  1. You caused this to happen.

We like to maintain that we act with the omnipotence of a god but how many times have you found that you have somehow caused something to happen so that it would suggest that you exercise the powers of a deity? My late arrival was down to you. My failure to remember something was caused by you. My infidelity for the sixth time was wholly as a consequence of what you have done. At its most brutal this declaration is issued without any explanation as to why it is that you caused the problem to arise. We say that it is the case therefore that must be right. Does this exchange seem familiar?

“Why is that the case?”

“It just is.”

“But why?”

“Because I say so.”

Other than our kind, who comes out with such assertions bereft of reality or explanation? That’s right, children. That tells you all you need to know about our mentality when we accuse you of being the one who has caused the problem. If you are “fortunate” enough to be given some kind of explanation it makes perfect sense when viewed from our perspective, although it will not from yours. That is deliberate. We want you to feel astonished, bewildered and annoyed at our sheer audacity to make the connection between our wrongdoing and your causation.

“If you were more loving I wouldn’t go elsewhere.”

“What do you mean by that? I couldn’t be anymore loving towards you.”

“Oh that’s right, deny it is anything to do with you and make me out to be the bad person.”

“Well, it is you who had the affair.”

“Caused by you.”

“How?”

“I have already told you and if you cannot accept that then there is no point continuing with this conversation.”

You get no answer no acceptance of blame. All you get is a tenuous (in your world but not ours) explanation as to why our wrongdoing is all down to you.

  1. Why do you have to spoil everything?

A cousin of the third shirking above but with an added layer of blame. In the above example, you have caused the problem although you may not necessarily have intended it. With this statement we are telling you that not only is the problem not of our doing, it is your fault and guess what? You meant to do it because you are such an awful and horrible person. Our rampant paranoia causes us to believe that you are out to get us, to topple us and that you are plotting to unseat us as a consequence of our behaviour towards you during devaluation. This is why whenever anything goes wrong you are the architect of that misfortune as you have purposefully set out to cause a problem for us, driven by your innate nastiness and jealousy.

  1. Why do you make my life so hard?

Poor us. Put upon by you and your terrible behaviours. This is often thrown at you when you begin to wise-up to our manipulations and either through choice or out of sheer exhaustion you are no longer engaging with our provocations and machinations. What we are actually saying to you here is, “Why do you make it so hard to extract fuel from you?” Your failure to play ball and do what we want is causing us to expend more energy in order to get the negative fuel from you and in accordance with our outlook as a victim, you are doing this on purpose. We need to get that fuel and you should be helping us, not hindering us, no wonder we lash out at you as we do because you are horrible and you make our lives far more difficult and hard than you should or once did.

You Should

YOU SHOULD

What is the prevailing mind-set of the Mid Range Narcissist? What is going through the mind of the member of the largest school of narcissism when an appliance has been treacherous and disloyal? Does he manifest the malice that is exhibited by the Greater school or is his response different? What is he thinking when there is treason committed in the Kingdom of Mid-Range? Whether the appliance has escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Mid-Ranger’s mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he or she believes.

You should not have done that to me. You should be thankful for who I am. You should be giving thanks to whichever god you follow that you have someone like me in your life, someone who cares, someone who is considerate, someone who only wants the best for you. You should be ashamed of the way you have treated me. You should apologise this instant. You should say sorry to me for the way you have behaved. You should treat others the way you want to be treated and not going around behaving like you are something special. You should realise I am something special and you keep treating me terribly. You should understand that I am a good, honest and decent person and not everybody would put up with your hysterical outbursts. You should know how hard it is to love somebody like you, but I do. You should be grateful for that.

You should know who you are messing with. You should be wary of getting on the wrong side of me you know. You should make sure you keep me happy because you will not like me when I am not happy. You should be looking out for me and not gadding around after other people. You should learn what your priorities are. You should spend more time with me. You should know when to leave me alone. You should be here and doing what I want. You should try giving for once rather than doing all of this taking.

You should be more aware of the way that you treat people and especially me. You should think more about how your actions impact on me. You should take my feelings into account and stop being so selfish. You should realise just what you do hurts me. You should understand that the things you say and do to me have consequences. You should stop making it all about you and let me have a say from time to time. You should stop being so obsessed with your friends’ lives and think about our lives together. You should spend less time with your family, they do not appreciate you in the way I do.

You should stop telling lies about me. You should get your own house in order before you start telling me how I should lead my life. You shouldn’t live in a glass house you know and throw stones. You should stop being such a nasty person to someone who has only ever been good to you. You should stop smearing my name to other people. You should take a look in the mirror. You should take a good look in the mirror actually.

You should stop putting me down. You should do what I want for a change. You should come back and apologise, I am a reasonable person and you should recognise that. You should make things right again because after all this is all your fault. You should stop fighting with me, I do not know why you have to do this. You should stop trying to tie me in knots. You should be more considerate. You should think about me more. You should sort this mess out because you are the only one who has caused it.

You should see how hard I have been trying for us. You should recognise a good person when you see one. You should know I have made the changes you demanded but you should be making some of your own as well. You should realise just how much I have tried for you and me.

You should know what other people say about you. You should realise that I put up with people saying bad things about you and you should be grateful I defend you to them, but I won’t keep doing it forever. You should realise you are not as popular as you think you are. You should be aware that I am a popular person and you won’t come out of this looking good at all.

You shouldn’t treat me like this. You shouldn’t destroy what I have built. You should recognise a good person, an honest person, a truthful person like me. You should learn just what you have lost by behaving like this. You should see just how many people hold me in high regard. You should be so happy to have someone like me, someone who people think well of and they do, just ask anybody and they will tell you. You should take the time to realise that I am a good person and consider what you are doing to me, to us, to what we have.

You should stop hurting me. You should stop getting a kick out of this horrible treatment of me. You should stop being mean to someone who loves you. You should help me. You should love me more. You should show me that you mean it. You should stop with the pretence. You should be genuine like me. You should stop playing the games. You should be the person that would make your grandmother proud. You should be the best person you can be for me.

You should get some help. You should see someone. You should go to therapy. You should sort these problems out. You should stop blaming me. You should stop projecting your problems and insecurities on to me. You should stop the game-playing, I am cleverer than you so I see straight through it. You should tell the truth for once You should stop making up stories about me. You should reflect on what you do. You should get some insight into what you are actually doing. You should shut up and listen to me for once. You should go and see the doctor. You should take your medication. You should stop being such a borderline. You should stop being such an attention-seeker. You should stop dodging the issue. You should address your issues.

You should let me speak. You should give me a chance to make things right again. You should come back because you owe me. You should let me show you what I can do. You should understand sometimes I don’t know what comes over me. You should make allowances for my behaviour because you are worse. You should not focus on the handful of supposedly bad things I do when I do way more good things. You should listen to why I do those things because if you did you would realise there is always a very good reason behind it. You should understand I have to disappear once in a while because your behaviour becomes too much. You should understand I am not sulking, I am just being quiet. You should accept I have to tell people about the way you behave because otherwise I would go mental. You should think about the names I call you and realise I am actually trying to help you because otherwise you will not listen. You should stop trying to blame me for everything that goes wrong and instead be grateful for what I do for you.

You should give it a rest now because you are giving me a headache. You should go and let me rest because I have been working hard all day. You should rub my back. You should make me something to eat. You should be there when I come home. You should stay out of my way when I am fed up of you. You should ask me how I am and not keep telling me about what you want. You should stop telling me how I should behave. You should see what I have to deal with. You should try being me. You should understand how much pain I am in from my back and not complain about your own supposed ailments. You should show some consideration for me now and again. You should get off your high horse. You should give it a rest. You should try walking in my shoes. You should try being me for a day. You should look at it from my point of view. You should make allowances. You should be more tolerant.

You should do it because you want to. You should do it for us. You should have more faith. You should have more discipline. You should have more resolve. You should let me in. You should keep out. You should learn when to speak. You should learn when to stay quiet. You should be seen and not heard. You should follow me. You should watch what I do . You should learn from an expert. You should stick with me. You should be mine. You should stay away from him. You should not speak to them. You should know what is best for you. You should know home is where the heart is. You should know where you bread is buttered. You should know how lucky you are to have me.

You should come back.

You should because I say so.

You just should.

Sitting Target

Why did the narcissist choose you? How did he or she go about deciding that you were the ideal target for him to launch his campaign of seduction upon? Did you do something to attract the attentions of this dangerous foe? This direct and comprehensive book will enable you to understand what it is that the varying types of narcissist look for when they are searching for victims. Whether you wish to prevent it happening again or you need to understand why you were chosen, this book will deliver the answers in an uncompromising and straight forward manner. What are the things that various types of narcissist look for? How do they go about establishing their targets satisfy those traits? What are the Special Traits which attract all narcissists? Where are their hunting grounds and which is the most dangerous? Who does the narcissist go after and why are certain people left alone? What does the narcissist mean when he or she is looking for green lights? These questions and more are answered in this hard-hitting and unsettling look into why the narcissist chooses you.

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Five Hatreds of The Narcissist

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The loss of our precious fuel weakens us. Criticism, when delivered in an emotion-free fashion wounds us and we need fuel to recover from such injurious criticism. If that fuel is not available or is reduced then we are placed in a perilous state which causes panic,chaos and a frenzied reaction to avoid this. Many things may send us to this place, a place which I call The Precipice. Here are five things we hate as they will start the slide towards The Precipice.
Not Being Invited

Our massive sense of entitlement means that we should always be invited to events. Whether it is a birthday, retirement party, wedding or graduation we should be invited to attend. How can the host not want us there? We are the star of the show, the main attraction, the reason to be there. People are not there for the birthday boy, they want to see us. They are not really bothered about the happy couple, they prefer to be entertained by us and our tales of achievement or for us to exhibit our superlative dance steps during the reception. An event is not an event without us in attendance. We are the archetypal life and soul of the party. Fireworks fly when we appear, stardust is thrown liberally around and we turn the volume up to eleven. We cannot comprehend why we should not be invited when we bring so much to the party. This deprives us of a huge opportunity to extract fuel from so many people when emotion will be electrifying the air. It is akin to shooting a fish in the barrel and we have not been invited. This not only takes away a golden chance to consume fuel but it also suggests that we are not wanted, that somehow we do not pass muster to attend this event. That is nonsensical and as such is a massive criticism to us. How dare they not invite us? It is our right to be there. That is our audience, our crown, our delighted guests, not somebody else’s. We hate not being invited. So that’s why we will turn up anyway and act as if we were first on the guest list.
Coming Second
We are born winners, pioneers, leaders and champions. Number one is all that matters. That is where the adoration is directed. That is why the winner’s podium is higher than the other two. That is why the winner gets the jackpot, the applause, the admiration and the plaudits. They all belong to us. We are destined to win and being the champion is our rightful place. Nobody wants silver. Who wants to be the runner-up? That means failure. That means somebody else has bettered you. That means someone else is going to get all the attention. Second is pointless. Second is redundant. I don’t want commiseration and empty praise for having come so close, I want to win. If I am second then I am regarded as inferior, not of the elevated state I know I am but that I need others to accept and reinforce. Coming second encapsulates all that is associated with the outcome which makes you who you are and is not something that should ever be rightfully associated with me. I hate to come second. I want to win. At everything and all the time, from being first in the queue, first to be served, the biggest biller, the biggest seller, the one with the best car, the one people always greet first, the one who wins the argument and I will do all of this at any cost to you and in any twisted and convoluted way which avoids the horror of being second.
The Spotlight Shining Elsewhere

Why are you listening to him and not me? He is an idiot and he knows nothing. Listen to me. I am far more interesting. Anything he has done I have done already and then some more as well. He has a forehead? Yes well have you seen my five head? Don’t pay attention to other people, pay attention to me. The spotlight has to be on me all the time. I live my life as if I am starring in a movie with my personal soundtrack echoing in my ears as I move through my day. From the moment I rise from my bed all eyes need to be on me, watching me, admiring me and giving me attention. No matter what I am doing it needs to be seen by someone and the more people the better as their viewing is accompanied by their praise, admiration, hatred or anger. It does not matter what the emotion is that accompanies their attention so long as it is on me. Send that attention elsewhere and I am being told I am not important and even worse, someone else is more important than me. That is not right. That cannot be the case. How can you think that that person is more entertaining, better looking, more captivating than me? Train the spotlight elsewhere and you are telling me I am not good enough and I know I am. Aren’t I?
Not Given Recognition

My arrival anywhere should be accompanied by a fanfare. I should be announced wherever I go. People should bow in acceptance of my greatness, kow-tow to my gravitas, salute, kiss my hand, go down on their knees and do whatever else is required to exhibit subservience to me. I must be given due accord because do you know who I am? I must always be mentioned in dispatches. I must always be referred to during a meeting. I must be pointed out, identified and highlighted in keeping with my superior status. I cannot stand it when I am not given my right to be recognised. I have that as a God-given right and you had better comply with your obligation to recognise me and all my amazing achievements.
Being Alone For Too Long

People often think that my kind hate to be alone. That is not quite accurate. We can be content to be alone for a period of time when we are receiving significant fuel. There is always room, of course, for more fuel, but when we have received copious amounts then we are content to be left alone so we can revel in our own manufactured glory and turn our mind to our next conquest. This alone time allows us to plot, scheme and plan. When I mean alone, I mean away from people physically but also not in contact with them through technology. Complete isolation. If we have taken on board enough fuel we can endure it for a time. Therein lies the important part. For a time.
If we are left alone for too long and the effect of the fuel diminishes then we become restless, then anxious and then thrown into the panic as we edge towards The Precipice. Being left alone for too long means that people must not be interested in us anymore otherwise why are we alone? They do not want to contact us, interact with us, pour their praise towards us, make us feel wanted, hated, loved or adored. Their interest must be elsewhere if we have been left alone for too long and this is not something we can stand. We are being ignored, ostracised and excluded. We need people. We need attention. We need you. Please. Did you hear me? I said we need you. Open the door and let me out now. I need attention, any attention, from someone it does not matter who, just don’t leave me alone for too long.