No Contact No Nos
No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.
Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.
1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and
2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.
As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.
No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.
This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.
7 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos”
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Hi HG,
it reminds me of my case. I can equate with both scenarios (after the escape and after the discard). I’d like to ask if it’s possible that my behaviour and the refusal to do what he wanted me to do started some kind of malice obsession that led to reapeted hoovers and also change in his behavior from malign to benign.
in my case it looked like this:
1. He was devaluaing me so I escaped. After a month he hoovered me back (I knew there was something really wrong with him, before the escape I even told him I suspect he is a narcissist but after a separation my ET caused me to hope he will change and I agreed to give him a chance).
2. After a few weeks nothing had changed, I was again calling him out on his abusive behavior but this time he was faster and discarded me first – shift blamed me, gaslightning me to make me believe it was me who was abusive. He told me to stay out.
3. At this point I fully understood he was a narcissist and I was manipulated all the way. I tried to stay out but a few days after the discard he was trying to push my buttons passively, I was still angry so I contacted him and told him he is abusive sociopath and I know his game and will no longer play.
4. It caused a massive fury, gaslightning, shift blaming, projection, name calling and in the end he blocked me.
5. I went no contact but I didn’t block him back.
6. After a month of silence he unblocked me and started the hoovering – mean texts to push my buttons again and start a fight. I was responding in neutral way or wasn’t responding at all.
7. It didn’t caused him to stop hoovering me. During 6 months he was texting me every week. But since I refused to give him negative fuel (and probably he was devaluing someone else at that time), the nature of these hooves changed. There were apologies for the pain he caused and even some compliments – a little bit of love bombing. I stopped responding at all. After one of these love bombs I blocked him (sweet revenge since he didn’t expect it at all).
8. In response he blocked me back. But after 4 months of silence he unblocked me. I did nothing.
9. So now he is blocked for about 9 months. I am unblocked for about 5 months. He can’t contact me directly but tries some passive hoovers every few weeks through his social media – probably wanting me to unblock him and play the game once again.
So my questions are:
Is this something you write about in this article – some kind of malice obsession after the discard?
Does his shift in behaviour towards me after the discard means he is at least upper mid ranger who still seeks his revenge and calculates how to punish me for my treatchery?
This is a matter best addressed through a consultation.
Hello HG,
Please would you answer my question below to help my understanding of the following statement?
“we will devalue the existing primary source, seduce you once again and do so purely for the purpose of drawing you back in. You will be drawn back in but only as an Intimate Partner Secondary Source”
Would the former IPPS of a MRN ever be reinstated as the Primary Source and if so under what circumstances and if not, why not?
Many thanks,
Alice
Yes the Former IPPS may well be re-instated as IPPS. The circumstances where that would happen would be where our needs require it to happen – thus to satisfy The Prime Aims. It is fairly common for this to happen because we have invested in you already, have ensnared you once already (and invariably this does not mean once bitten twice shy owing to a lack of knowledge about who has ensnared you and/or the impact of Emotional Thinking) and know how to manipulate you the most effectively.
Thank you HG
You are welcome.