The Empathic Supernova
What is the Empathic Supernova?
In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.
The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority, omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.
I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are three schools of the empathic individual; the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Empath.
The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The discarded Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.
Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.
The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.
Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are almost invisible and the few that exist are weak. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They locked together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.
The Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this discard until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the discard, the Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.
The Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.
The Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are not on the same scale as the Co-Dependent. The Empath will have some narcissistic traits, not many and not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as an Empath (along with the fact that there are more Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.
Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.
The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with little and low narcissistic traits and the Empath has few and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.
The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Empath.
This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.
There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.
On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.
However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.
This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist. It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.
Thus when some people ask the question
“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”
or
“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”
The answer remains no.
But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.
The effect against us is varied.
The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.
The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However, either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.
The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.
Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.
Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.
59 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova”
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Boom! .. here my dear, have a taste of your own medicine. Careful now, just a drop goes a long way. You taught me the recipe so well but i thought it needed a little more bite, some extra kick, a pinch of… well,,here just try it , i’ll let you guess..
Is it possible that someone is a Standard Empath leaning towards the Codependent side but also has a lot of narcissistic traits but not the right narcissistic traits that make one a Super Empath?
Yes.
Hi HG,
What narcissistic traits does the Super Empath have that the Standard Empath and Codependent don’t have?
It is not a case of them having traits which others do not, but rather they have stronger narcissistic traits and suffer a swifter erosion of empathic traits (which ordinarily keep the narcissistic traits in check) .
Hi HG,
Gotcha. Thank you. I stand corrected. Then I meant which narcissistic traits does the super empath have? I know of pride and self-interest but what other narcissistic traits have you seen in the super empath?
This will be expanded on in a future article.
Thank you!
“the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded.”
In this scenario where you are talking about a standard empath, are you describing a manipulative way of deterioration of fuel output such as deciding to ignore the narc, be noncompliant, and prevent situations that would allow the narc to be the center of attention because the empath has observed that these were important to the narc?
Or are you describing a scenario where the empath’s fuel output is deteriorating because of the emotional and mental toll from the narcissist?
The latter.
Thank you HG, I really appreciate all of your answers.
“The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna”
I guess that answers the question that I wanted to ask. It means that I can’t be a Normal like my husband. I will always be the sensitive empath that I am. Bummer!
I almost want to strike a deal. The IGH failed six days ago and I’m expecting a FUH followed by another golden period if I let it – this requires a lot of fuel, that I can give as a super empath gone supernova and in full No Contact post escape. Best kind right? The deal would be the moment the devaluation starts again I disappear once more. Since we don’t live together and share nothing financially, have no children together (but children of our own from previous marriages) I wonder could this conceivably work? Of course this assumes I can brush off and not be offended by his incessant cheating and lying. But every woman deserves her own man you say! Right. Well he isn’t a man, he is a machine. A machine that triggers hormones in my body that feel good in the moment. Better than a normal man. So would this deal work or will he not be able to pass up emotionally abusing me and making me pay for my absence (I expect in the form of accusations of me cheating, which I won’t do and never will)? Why would I bother with him at all? Because l am bored and annoyed. He has shown me how the world works. Where everybody else is lapping up the Once You know You Go, I sense that to be a cowardly move. No offense. I’m stronger, smarter, and because I’m in a position of complete control right now and know how to put myself back here again doesn’t that mean I know which buttons to push in him? Given a sustained cycle where I am in control through awareness and perfect timing would I not gain the creature’s trust? I’ve seen it. It’s what I first saw in him and wanted to speak to. Unconditional love was missing, an addiction to power took its place. 4am my time on Christmas morning and this is the stuff I am contemplating.
WW
“So would this deal work or will he not be able to pass up emotionally abusing me and making me pay”
There’s your answer for why it won’t work. No. He won’t be able to pass it up.
“Where everybody else is lapping up the Once You know You Go, I sense that to be a cowardly move.”
You just called every victim of abuse that had the courage to get out a coward. You say you are in complete control, stronger, smarter. If this is the case then why the hesitation? Why not make the deal? You are doing what everyone of us that has failed GOSO has done. Making excuses so we don’t have to face the uncomfortable realities.
I’m not criticising you for making excuses. I am guilty of the same thing. When we figure out who they are and how they operate we feel empowered. We feel we have the strength to handle the abuse because we are aware. Being aware doesn’t take away the pain of what they do. You speak of his lying and cheating and wonder if you could brush it off. Accepting that type of behavior doesn’t make you smarter and stronger. It makes you aware of his disrespect toward you and basically telling him that you’re ok with that. You deserve better than that.
I can see that you are smarter and stronger because you are here learning. The deal that you want to make is what many of us go through in the process of healing. Be encouraged by this fact and know that you are on the road to recovery. GOSO is the hardest thing many of us face. In my opinion, It is the ultimate supernova move. Those that have gone GOSO are not cowards. They are their own heros.
I like it when my empathy dims because it feels like a relief. I don’t have to care about how others feel. And empathic traits do weigh on you and can hold an empath back. My family is being critical and judgemental and I can’t take it anymore. So, lately I feel more narcissisitic. That’s fine by me
Are there any plans to publish a book for us, the súper empaticos ? 😉 ( En español ) jajajaja 👀
“a replacement narcissist will invariably be found”
As a codependent I really really try to avoid this these days, with the help of the knowledge on your blog HG + dating blogs.
So very hard. Predators immediately spot my smile & profile and head straight for me.
My “constructive empathic supernova” has developed into acting as cool and calm as possible on first dates. No sudden gestures. Smile, talk a bit, but not fuelling much. Trying to find an empathic guy.
I went super nova on my last narc it was incredibly draining the battle became a war last time I saw him he walked past me with his tail between his legs he looked defeated I really don’t want him to come back I fear if he catches me off guard I will give him another chance I have already forgiven him, and he will just crush me again but harder I know i wounded him I saw his face contorted with rage and I have had narcissistic reprisal before it always gets worse if he stays away I will be fine . HG if not what is the best way of dealing with him to get him to want to go away again I find myself ts easier to be discarded than to escape??????
I’m watching a new season of “ House of cards” right now and I want to be like Claire Underwood ( except of killing people).
UMR
I feel like Im in the super empath category although I’m not fond of the title. It makes me feel like I should be wearing a cape and I’m not a “cape wearing” type of girl (unless of course I can find heels to match). It’s written that there can be a stalemate between the greater and the super and that the greater will revisit at a later time to punish. What about when a mid and a super reach a stalemate?
I feel that my mid has become dependant on me and cannot fully cut ties. He is aware that I can identify his manipulation now. He is also aware that I can manipulate in return. He is not aware that I use manipulation as a means to protect myself.
In my opinion, this site and the knowledge gained changes the dynamic of a normal empath/narc relationship. I am currently comfortable accepting that there is a stalemate and that neither of us will win. I know that he will never accept the fact that I’m comfortable in any situation and will always push my boundries. However awareness that I WILL be challenged at any moment is my shield.
Currently I can coexist with the narcissist. Not on a romantic or sexual level (which sucks bad) but on a level where I’m aware that, as an empath, the narcissist is giving me something I need. I have not identified this need and I think once I do I will be free but until then I remain stalemate. As of now, I have found balance. I live two lives, I live in the light with the people I love and care for. This is where I find comfort, where I grow as a person and where my empathetic traits shine. I also live in the dark where I am seeking a unidentified need. This is where I am learning about my inner self.
It is said that No Contact is the answer. I do not disagree but I do entertain the idea that no contact may not be the answer in every case. I believe that in some cases no contact can be just as damaging as the relationship itself. I welcome criticism and opinions on this matter because often someone will point out something that I have not thought of or something that I am subconsciously ignoring .
Mercy, I have never gone NC with a narcissist, even my horribly toxic ex. I didn’t know much about narcissism then but have taken appropriate measures to protect myself from him nonetheless. I agree with you that romantic or sexual entanglements, especially being the primary source, are ill-advised. But there are some reasons that I have not blocked the narcs I know.
I feel like it would be allowing the narcissist to take a piece of my humanity away, for one. It is also a charged enough action that it could be used against someone as evidence of us being petty or angry. Being a secondary source is generally no big deal because devaluation is unlikely, as is disengagement, but if they happen, oh well. I would never count on a known narcissist as a friend. I also think that NC can be an invitation for stalking, which scares me. At least if the basic channels are open, if this person comes looking for me, I will likely know and be able to take appropriate precautions. I also intentionally leave open text-based channels because that creates a stream of evidence if I ever have to document what they said or did. My narc ex liked to pretend that in-person encounters did not happen when it was convenient for him, leaving me at the mercy of the few witnesses there were to such events — not a great place to be. If all else fails, I can also always point to the fact that I took the high road, and if the narcissist has not and it can be documented, that can be used to my advantage.
The real advantage of NC is to break your own addiction and get out. It crushes all hope of the relationship rekindling because it is a decisive move on your part, and reminds you that you have the power. So it is the right decision for many people. I made that decision a long time ago and I am not interested in having that fiend back in my life whom I dated. As for the narcissists I befriended, well, I really couldn’t care less. They will do as they please regardless of me anyway.
Michelle, thanks for your reply. You are right about the addiction. The problem is we say addiction but what is it that we are addicted to? That is my set back. I want to identify what his hold on me is. I am not the primary. Im IPSS but for the first 4 years I was not aware there was a primary. I have room to process this whereas a primary source does not. I feel like I’ve evolved into unknown territory. I do not love him, I can not love someone that so easily hurts me and other people. I have cut off sex only because I need to protect my health and also because it is a avenue for him to manipulate. I rarely think about him unless he is texting or calling or if we are no contact. I don’t care who he is talking to, I don’t care who he is having sex with and I don’t care who he’s giving the golden period to. My association with him really has nothing to do with him anymore.
As far as the narcissist taking a piece of your humanity away I think I understand what you mean. I don’t feel that way because I know now that he can not take anything away from me that I didn’t give willingly. I accept my role in the relationship. I stayed, I kept going back and I kept digging for answers even after I was aware of what he is. I am no longer a victim and any further damage is because I allowed it.
I am not worried about a smear campaign. I have collected enough evidence against him to burry him 10 times over . He is a big name I am not. I can do more damage. In the past during heated arguments where he has threatened me I have told him this. And I’ve also told him that I do not keep it at my home. I keep it at my job which is a highly secured building. I have no desire to use the evidence, it’s just a safety net. Today I got the revenge I’ve been waiting for and I didn’t have to do anything. Im feeling really good and want to share but I have to wait until it all unfolds.
I feel I have protected myself emotionally and physically. Now I just need to work on myself.
It sounds like you have thought out the reason you keep channels open. Fear is very powerful and I can understand why you would want to have a heads up. It’s important to keep ourselves safe because we never really know.
Have you been away from your narc long? you mentioned court, was it a ugly breakup? You also mentioned narc friends. Are you close with the friends?
My relationship with my Narc Ex only lasted about 14 weeks total. He was a Lesser Victim and could not maintain a Golden Period. He became nasty to me almost immediately. I have no fond associations of him whatsoever and I regard him as a petty, vindictive, vicious man-child. If you have read some of my other comments you will know that he was slovenly, entitled, and came close to raping me. It was the aftermath of the relationship that was sheer hell because of the malign hoovers. We shared a group of mutual friends and he began smearing me almost immediately. The last straw was when we were at a dinner gathering together and I allegedly looked at him the wrong way and he became so enraged that he had to leave lest he become physically violent. The problem was that my friends only saw him as a cute, somewhat bewildered man and did not understand what he was capable of. He attempted to use the court system to further the smear campaign, but what he did was so insidious that I am not going to publish it here for fear of inspiring someone else to do the same. In the end, most of our mutual friends believed him, so I do not associate with any of them and have not for years. All of this happened three years ago and landed me in therapy for PTSD.
I am generally pretty good at narc dodging and will avoid involvement with someone who shows entitlement or lack of empathy. My more recent entanglement was with one who lives in another country whom I met while traveling a couple years ago. He was warm to me right from the start and made me feel comfortable and safe in a situation I found intimidating. He also seemed to find me to be a very interesting person, which I now understand to be part of the manipulation. He is the highest level narc I have ever encountered in more than a professional capacity and his mask is exceptionally good. I fell hard for him just because of his apparent kindness to me and how he (conveniently and probably unwittingly) soothed some of my long-standing childhood fears. I am still somewhat addicted to him. It is really the sense of safety that he provided me in that honeymoon period that is hard to let go of, now knowing that it was a manipulation. He slipped up with his compartmentalization and revealed his nature to me, and when I called him on it I received a silent treatment and am now painted black and shelved. Unfortunately having him as an enemy is not to my benefit and cutting him off from information on me is not straightforward. With friends I jokingly call him the Woman Collector because that is essentially what he does — he is very helpful to women and cultivates friendship, and perhaps more, to feed his need for fuel. As much as this disgusts me, I also had a good time every time I saw him and find him ironically to be good company, or at least his mask is. Unlike my ex, his narc features have been largely hidden from me so the cognitive dissonance is worse. Every day I find it easier to accept what happened, though, and at this point I can’t say I care that much what he does. It’s just over four months I’ve been shelved and I was a relatively minor fuel source, in all likelihood. I’d prefer to run into him only on my terms, but that isn’t how narcs operate, is it?
Am I getting something from him? Probably. I was raised to be timid and unsure, and this man is confident and secure (outwardly) in a way that I envy. I think on some level I am addicted to that confidence because I lack it myself.
Michelle
That was a very honest account of your feelings. They sure can create some very likeable characters. Problem is, some can maintain them longer than others, but as HGs article points out: In the End It Has To Hurt. Your comment shows that you are facing the realitiy of what you have been involved in, and that takes confidence. Real confidence, not the fake confidence that he displays in order to mask his huge insecurities. That is nothing to aspire to or to be with. You deserve better.
Mercy, “I’m not a “cape wearing” type of girl (unless of course I can find heels to match”
Epic girl. Epic!
MB, It’s all about the shoes!
And the purse!
MB, I think I might be crushing on you. You have earned an eternal place in my heart with that comment.
Mercy, ❤️
Mercy and MB
We all have skin, but its accessories that separates us from the animals.
Amen NA! I’ve been converting old home video to digital for Christmas. I’ve been quite depressed about my previously frumpy ways! So much of my life was spent dressing like a 90 YO lady. Wtf was I thinking?!? #latebloomer
MB
I’m sure you were dressing like everyone else so you have lots of company. Now don’t waste time and go get yourself something fabulous. You’re already 5 minutes older than when we started this conversation. Chop chop.
So true NA! I’m not getting any younger! I just wish I was still as “fat” as I was when I first thought I was fat!
NA, absolutely! I just recently built a new closet organizer (I can accessorize and I’m good with a table saw). When I’m feeling really sad I sit on my bed and stare at it. It’s so beautiful with all the colors. Better than autumn leaves and spring flowers
Mercy
You are my people. I love demolition and reno and have a fetish for organization. I have to wear a panty liner in a container store.
NA, Im so glad we have this in common. I quit therapy early this year, bought a little place and have been under construction (myself and my place) ever since. It’s been therapeutic and has helped build my self confidence back up.
Ooh…clothes hung in colour groupings in the wardrobe. Colour gradation according to the colour wheel, hangers of the same type, garments hung the same way..pants hung together, shirts in their own section… Shoes stored in their boxes with the labels facing the same way so you can easily see what’s where….
Are you getting the endorphin release just thinking about it like I am?
Caroline R
I just came. And hard.
I like organizing too. But more the IDEA of it than the follow through. It’s safe to say you like it the most NA!
NarcAngel
Ha ha ha ha!
I have tears from laughing!
Just as well I didn’t mention the glossy catalogues from the storage and office supplies stores near me. You’d have asphyxiated from pleasure.
Dearest MB, Mercy, NarcAngel n Caroline R,
I’m revisiting past posts, whilst Mr Tudor is jetsetting about and fine dining his illuminating lady L
Meee toooo … is this an empath thing….. cos I colour coordinate
Drawers are Marie Kondo folded, scarves in rows of white, then beige, until they get darker in colour, same with tops
Handbags n shoes, evening section, day section
Fridge….. I bought pull out containers on rollers … all food grouped, same with pantry
Mr Bubbles has about 100 ties, all the plains, striped, fun ties, grouped
Xmas, Easter, birthday, Halloween containers are labelled …. you should see my ribbons (all coordinated folded n compartmentalised)
DVDs (over 500 ) are in alphabetical order and my cookbooks are grouped by individual chefs
Tea towels …. Xmas, Easter, then everyday ones, same with linen press
Coat hangers …. all blacks together, whites etc
I use finished “glass house candle” jars for all my make up …very pretty
Bottles of wine all stacked in reds whites and Year
Handy woman, I try .. painted our house inside and just put up a blind for my mum and hooked up her new tv
Magazines are in date order, books by author
Mr Bubbles is the messy one and can never find his paper work ….I can … .haha
I think I have serious issues 🤣
No wonder I luv you gals
Luv Bubbles 😘
Youre a super empath once you learn about narcissism and implement no contact period. Thats my version of what a super empath is. No codependancy no game playing back and forth. They know and they go permanently!
Totally!! I agree! It doesn’t matter what empath we are, when we seize the power and resist the manipulations and decided that it is more important to care for ourselves, that is a super nova in my book.
Nah. Sorry. It don’t work like that.
I agree with Renarde. Being a super empath, doesn’t work like that.
Thank you for being a third party, Mr. Tudor.
I tend to do the “empath supernova” thing in life in general, where I take everyone else’s crap and eventually get fed up and explode at being so put upon. This is how I massively wounded my Lesser Victim Narc and brought on some pretty serious revenge. It is, on the other hand, a pretty effective way to leave a relationship with one of his type, because although he has come back in the form of mostly malign hoovers in the immediate aftermath of the relationship, for the most part I am just painted blackest black. The Formal Relationship is dead, dead, dead.
Yup and then your empathic traits do dim and then you set boundaries again and may appear mean or selfish to others because you have just had enough, your narcissistic traits come out more, and stop caring as much. I am going through this again now. But HG is right. it doesn’t last. The empathic nature comes back again. It feels like a cycle to me. I was like this even before I had this knowledge. This is the nature of the super empath.
Wow, I was asking myself why if I am so empathic I know how to attack the narcissist and damage him. Maybe I have some narcissistic traits inside of me. Thank you Mr.Tudor, very interesting.
I shut down almost exactly like your description of the co- dependent. Not kidding. Physically, mentally, cognitively even. (my ability to function was impaired) I slept all the time to escape and left a high profile (for my field) job. I was seeing a psychiatrist who begged me for years to leave the marriage but I refused because I felt I had to endure misery for the sake of the children having an intact home, and due to financial insecurity. Yet, I have very narcissistic traits. So much so I sometimes think that I am a narcissist, yet some of my patients bring me to tears when I feel their pain or I see something awful happen to a good person. I fear for my kids terribly. I don’t strangle cats. Good gawd what’s wrong with this picture.
Here kittie kittie kittie kittie
Hahahahaha
Still missed the critical difference.
Super empath isn’t looking for dominance. Even if it’s achieved, that is not the end goal. Narcs are limited in their perspective. Either black or white, dominated or dominant. Super empaths have no such limitations.
Gaslighting is much like that of storm. A slow wind to start and then within minutes it’s a violent vicious force with black clouds, hail, the hissing of the wind all around. No idea where it came from. Dazed and confused, scared and disoriented. Then… just like that, the wind, rain, hail and black clouds dissipate. The sun comes out and we have no idea what just happened.
With the final understanding that I was indeed involved with a sociopath, it did ignite my fury. I was shocked and humiliated but I was more swept up with empathy for his wife and children. It was devastating to me that he had these people in his life whom I knew he hurt so badly…just as I was hurt by my husband of 25 years when I realized he was cheating with a colleague.
Which is why I came forward and laid out the truth, not only to the wife and kids(adult kids) but his siblings as well-who had no idea he was a nut job either. How they didn’t know is beyond me! We are middle aged for Christ’s sake.. I also went to the police because I knew he had falsified documents he used to manipulate me including his drivers license, his work identification, his mortgage papers and he also accessed my computer and telephone without permission and installed a tracker on my vehicle.
I researched until I located his place of employment and contacted administration. They blew me off, even with a visit from a detective and a ton of evidence against him. He had them so snowed by his caring persona towards the elderly. (He was manipulating the elderly residents at an upscale nursing home to pretend they were some of his family members). I then contacted the corporate office and they came down and fired him. I also discovered one of his other lovers, a man, and I exposed him to his lies as well. The psycho was in the process of moving in with him!😂
Mr Psycho loved himself so much and he recorded dozens of videos and sent them to me proving everything he was doing, calling himself by his fake identity, sending pictures and texts about the family and stories he had made up. Idiot.. I had thousands of pictures and texts and emails to prove he is really quite mad and ruin him in divorce court. Turned out his wife didn’t need my help, it was disappointing not to participate in her path to Narc freedom.
I was in fact, driven by empathy to stop him from hurting others as best as I could. The thing about me that he considered a weakness was also a source of strength when it comes to protecting innocent others from pure evil.
Is that a super nova situation? I don’t know.
He has attempted a few retaliations but none that have bothered me. His attempt to make me jealous only filled me with sorrow for his next victim. I was a little scared for my safety because of all the exposures, but not enough to stop me from pursuing them, because ethically I felt it was my obligation. If you know something you say something. I wish someone would have told me the truth. So many people went along with his hoax, it is hard to understand the magnitude of such demonic behavior-in so many individuals who could have alerted me, but instead they went along with the deception. In the end I didn’t get him arrested, which was disappointing, but I am pretty certain I wounded him. And it wasn’t about that honestly, I was just trying to help others, protect others from him.
From harm.
Because what their kind does to people really, really hurts. If I helped even one person it was worth it.
Empath, you’ll have to write your story! It would make a BRILLIANT movie. Can’t think of a title offhand, except “The Nut Job”.
Or maybe “The Straight Nut Job Who Got Caught With Another Man’s Nuts In His Hand”.
Or maybe “The Nut Job Who Got His Nuts Caught In An Empath Honey Trap”.
Or maybe “The Empath Who Kicked the Nut Job’s Hornet’s Nest, and She Didn’t Get Stung But He Did”.
I would love to expose my ex-narc, but unfortunately I no longer have direct access to the evidence (if only I would have printed those emails out!).
Also, as in your situation, so many people go along with his deception, so many people want to believe in him, that I would end up looking like the bad guy.
So this is the reason why I found it fun? I would repeat! Not if it was with you, of course; It would definitely be much more fun.