The Greater Narcissist – 5 Facts
The five central questions have been applied in respect if the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind, but what of the Greater Narcissist? How do these five essential questions about the behaviour of the narcissist apply to him or her?
1.Do We Know What We Are Doing?
The Greater Narcissist is gifted (though of course his or her victims will not regard it as such) with an awareness of what he or she is. The greater of our kind knows that they are different. They know that they have this insatiable hunger for the outpouring of emotion, whether positive or negative, from those around them. The greater knows that there is a feeling of emptiness which pervades. Whilst the lesser has this manifest as sense of unease and irritation, the greater feels a yawning chasm which must be filled. The lesser operates by instinct, a knee-jerk response. The Greater Narcissist also operates through instinct but there is nothing knee jerk about him or her. This instinct is attuned in the sense of selecting the victims who will haemorrhage fuel. This instinct enables the most effective seduction, the most devastating devaluation and the most callous of discards. The instinct for scenting fuel and those who will provide it serves the Greater Narcissist considerably. He has an instinctive knack for selecting the best hunting grounds, an innate ability to target the most productive victims, a chilling capability to extract and exploit information and to cause people to think that what they are doing is a good thing and one they wish to take when in fact the Greater Narcissist is manipulating them. The Greater Narcissist is aware that he or she is different from other people. He or she knows that their emotional spectrum has been stunted or as we prefer to regard it, altered to achieve maximum efficiency in our machinations. The Greater Narcissist knows he operates in a different world to other people and revels in such a special status. He or she knows that they are superior, admired and feared.
- Do We Know We Hurt Others?
Unlike the instinctive response of the Lesser Narcissist or the instinctive but more controlled moderate reaction of the Mid-Ranger, the Greater Narcissist knows that he or she is an instrument that inflicts pain. Whether it is the withdrawal of something wonderful or delightful or the imposition of something unpleasant and hateful the Greater Narcissist knows that they hurt. They regard every action taken in this regard, every step, every machination as necessary for their survival and advancement. The Greater Narcissist fervently believes in the doctrine that the end always justifies the means. Pain, misery and hurt are by-products of the process which he or she must engage in. The inflicting of hurt on another person is regarded as a collateral consequence of the need to obtain fuel. The Greater Narcissist knows that during devaluation and the malign hoovers that the application of his or her behaviours is specifically directed to cause hurt. You will take the view that he or she does not care and you are correct in that view since the Greater Narcissist, like all narcissists is not created to care. What you ought to understand though is that this failure to care is actually secondary to the need to acquire fuel. If all that mattered was the inability to care, then we would administer hurtful behaviour all of the time. The reality is, the order of priority is that fuel must be obtained and during devaluation this causes hurt to other people and furthermore we are not designed to care about this hurt. By contrast, someone who is manipulating a dislocation back into place knows that pain will be occur but is a necessary consequence of the act. The difference is that this medic or doctor will care that the person is being put in pain and also seek to address that once the dislocation has been addressed.
- Do We Act Deliberately?
Everything that is done by the Greater Narcissist is deliberate. The lesser responds as a matter of course. The Mid-Ranger is largely governed by instinct but with a degree of control available to them they can consider what action to take and do so with a sense of purpose but this pales compared to the behaviour of the Greater Narcissist. The actions that are taken are planned. The seduction is orchestrated from careful target selection, the reconnaissance of the subject and the gathering of information is organised and the seduction is methodical and deliberate. The Greater Narcissist does not speak without first considering how effective those words are. Are they to be used to elevate or denigrate? Praise or punishment? Elated or eroded. Like some great architect in the sky the Greater Narcissist, in accordance with his god-like view of him or herself sees other people as chess pieces which are moved in accordance to his or her wishes to cause check mate. The Greater Narcissist purposefully manipulates everybody around him or her. Each person has a role, a position and a purpose. The Greater Narcissist acts with considerable deliberation and indeed this need to position and pose all the players in the narcissist’s world results in the need to control being overwhelming. To be this deliberate in manipulating other people requires a significant degree of control over other people and therefore the Greater Narcissist will exercise his or her skills to achieve that outcome. The Greater Narcissist regards the manipulation of others as a game and one which is enjoyable to engage in.
- Can We Control This Behaviour
Not only is the Greater Narcissist an expert in the control of others he exerts considerable control over his own behaviour. His higher functioning allows him considerable latitude to pass the blame onto others and feign an inability to control what he does.
“I don’t know what comes over me sometimes.”
“It as if something else takes control of me.”
“I cannot help it, it just happens.”
“It is like there is some other force that makes the decisions for me.”
All of these comments are lies. The Greater knows he lies but does not care. He sees the lies as necessary to provoke his prey, to tie them up in knots, to hurt them and to bewilder them. He finds lying entertaining, part of the game he engages in and a tool. The Lesser and Mid-Ranger also lie extensively but those lies are their truth. They do not know they are lying and any evidence that is shown to them is automatically rejected by the application of the narcissist’s twin lines of defence, Denial and Distraction & Deflection. The Lesser and Mid-Range believe their lies, cannot be persuaded otherwise and will always maintain them because to them they represent their truth from their perspective. The Greater knows he or she lies, revels in doing so and does not care that he or she lies because it is deemed necessary.
The Greater Narcissist is able to direct his ignited fury to a level and extent beyond the capability of others of our kind. This is why often cold fury is exhibited by Greater Narcissists as we are able to control the ignited fury so that it does not emerge as heated fury and rarely does it show in the form of physical violence. Such a reliance on such brutality through physical action is regarded as beneath the Greater Narcissist and is an insult to his Machiavellian mind. The Greater Narcissist revels in his higher function allowing him to devise and apply far subtler and rewarding manipulations. He or she is also mindful of the consequences of providing damning physical evidence of the abuse. The only time this formidable control weakens is when the Greater Narcissist is thrown into Chaos Mode as a consequence of a sudden and unseen cessation to his or her primary source of fuel.
5 Can We Stop It?
The Greater Narcissist could stop his or her behaviour owing to the degree of control that he or she is able to exert but whilst there is the capability to stop this behaviour, both benign and malign, the Greater Narcissist will not do so. Firstly, this is because the Greater Narcissist sees no need to. Why stop something that is highly effective and serves a purpose in allowing him or her to shine and function at some an impressive (to him or her) level? Why halt doing something which always delivers? Secondly, the Greater Narcissist will not stop this behaviour because the malevolence which runs through him or her will not allow him to do so. Why give up such a delightful way of manipulating someone? Why relinquish such power over an individual? Why stop flexing those machinations? Why stop doing something that is both necessary but also enjoyable? The lesser does because he is programmed to always respond in such a fashion. Choice has been removed from his thought process. The Mid-Ranger does because he realises it is necessary for his survival but there is not enjoyment or malice driving the behaviour, it is mainly instinct allied with some awareness that the actions needs to be done because that makes the Mid Ranger feel “better”.
The Greater does because he or she can. The Greater does because he or she is driven by the furious malice which burns at the centre of the narcissist. This malice arises because the higher functioning Greater Narcissist is more aware than the others of his brethren just how unfair and brutal the world is. He is attuned to its attempts to depose and dethrone and he knows that engendering and harnessing this malice is entirely necessary for the purpose of protection. It is better to strike first than be struck. It is better to get the retaliation in first. He who dares wins. The Greater is a dangerous individual because not only does he regard what he does as entirely necessary, he is driven not only by the need for fuel but by the malice that is wrapped around his core. This means he goes further, longer, stronger and more often than others of his kind. He is the defiler, the punisher and the destroyer of worlds. Your worlds.
49 thoughts on “The Greater Narcissist – 5 Facts”
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HG,
If a Greater’s hoovers are met with kind rejection, would the Greater disengage to only connect with another source of fuel; or would the Greater use that time to plot another step?
Would it matter depending where on the fuel matrix the person is located? Also does it matter if a Greater is Cerebral, Elite, or Somatic on this?
It depends on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and whether the Hoover Execution Criteria is met. A Greater means the hoover bar is pushed down lower in the criteria, however other factors may well push the bar back up neutralising the effect of the Greater’s school and what that means.
Thank you for your response, HG!
Does that mean the time away is not about plotting but more about saving energy and healing from a possible wounding and will only return if all other are met? I apologize that I did not understand!
The former.
Thank you, HG!
Very mean and scary picture
It takes a serious amount of negative delusional thinking to come up with that mindset.
Fuel is nothing more than creating an external distraction from internal anxiety and agitation. Focus outward to avoid inward discomfort. Eternally repeating this behaviour for a string of only temporary fixes seems abysmally foolish, especially if the narc has awareness.
Questions of mine:
Why waste all that time and energy on destruction? It seems like a massive pathetic use of intellect just to achieve external distractions.
Why not remove the internal threat(s) and be free to choose a life rather than be puppeted by the dictates for external distractions?
The entire narc dependency aspect discounts any claim to superiority. Anyone can make others be afraid. No special talent required.
Empaths are not love addicts. Humans need reciprocal relationships. Narcs take advantage of a higher capacity of caring in nurturing individuals to remain perpetually juvenile dependents rather than mature into functional adults.
Seems more like narcs are breaking and smashing like toddlers in what is rapidly becoming an unsustainable approach to existence.
All in the name of fuel
Hi Leslie
My first post disappeared before I finished, so apologies if somehow this posts in part.
I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on the following questions if you care to reply:
Are you speaking only of those of HG’s calibre of of self-awareness and intellect?
If yes, then given that NPD is a recognized disorder, what specific steps do you see these disordered individuals as taking in order to remove the internal threats and be free to choose a life (I assume you mean here one that non-disordered people would deem worthy) and not be puppeted by the dictates for external distractions?
great analaysis
Leslie,
It is indeed “an unsustainable approach to existence,” as Narcissus eventually realizes his love of himself cannot be reciprocated and so either melts away (Ovid’s version of the myth) or he commits suicide (other versions) in the end.
Do any of your books provide a comprehensive illustration on the categories of narcissists? I’ve learned from the blog. A book would be nice.
Kathy
Sitting Target explains the Schools and Cadres very well.
https://narcsite.com/2018/12/17/sitting-target-21/
Thanks so much!
what book should I get someone totally new to narcs?
Evil, Red Flag and Black Flag.
I don’t know if I totally agree with this I have experienced both sexual and physical violence from a greater if they cannot get fuel and they know it’s a weakness they will use it to try to control you they are very good at covering up their actions though
Oh, they are EXPERTS at covering up!
Is knowing that one is void of normal emotions (and being able to articulate this) alone enough to qualify someone as a Greater?
No.
The greaters I know are highly intelligent and educated not just scholasticism but also in edicts of behaviour they usually are born into higher society belong to elite groups and either are or associated with the hierarchy of those groups
At work usually are either on the board or a CEO they also tend to be somatic narcissists their grooming is impeccable
Their house car job society university they attended every thing about there life is elitist they are raised with the belief that that their circumstances of birth is a god given elevation in life add abuse to that and all the more reason for them to devalue their victims because anyone that in their mind is beneath them ie: everyone deserves more pain than them they hate to see anyone happy unless it is because of them and they will go out of their way to destroy their victims all the contacts they have are usually so influential that any scandal can and will be covered up best way to avoid them is have a outward appearance that would not fit into their life or at least the appearance of that they want others to see
Can I tell my story? (only in part, for fear of being recognised)
I guess I’m hoping for it to be therapeutic to me. I have tried legitimate therapy but the wound and pain remain somewhat unhealed even after 2 years of no contact.
I’ve had my fill of judgement and lack of understanding from many, even those considered closest to me. I ‘m really in need of a safe space.
I’ve been reading here for several months, probably close to a year and HG’s articles as well as reader comments have provided more relief and validation than the year spent in therapy. I am truly grateful to all of you for being so brave and honest. I’m sure there are many other ‘silent’ readers who have been helped to survive the darkest time of their life.
Thank you.
You are welcome S2c and I am pleased this place has provided you with such assistance.
Searching 2c
I just noticed your comment, and want to welcome you here. You’re amongst friends. You’re welcome to share whatever you would like to.
I wish you peaceful sleep and healing for Christmas.
Hello 2c,
Please feel at ease to tell your story here. It will indeed be therapeutic for you. I am glad you found narcsite and please stick around and comment. You have already benefitted from the information, as you said, and I am sure you will benefit from the humor too. We like making fun of narcs for the pitiful beings they are and hg does not mind at all. In fact, he welcomes it because he feels a sense of satisfaction in empowering us against his own kind! Go figure! Welcome 2c!
Sooooo…… the ex-narc ….
I just remember being totally perplex, when he answered me one day to a random remark of mine … I said something casual about a person in his life who had been very nice to him … I don’t remember, nothing important, but ….
I remember his answer about how it had been all planned out and a lot of work and effort on his part …. like, in a context, I would have NEVER ever thought of planning anything / working on anything …
Yes, I know, HG, you said he surely wasn’t a Greater. So an upper mid range. :/ With a strong malign streak.
Totally my Nex, except he would never say anything like “I don’t know what comes over me sometimes.” That would mean he lost control. He is always 100% in control (so he thinks – even when he can’t stand on his feet anymore because he’s dead drunk). He’s perfect and Gods gift to us mortals.
“The Greater Narcissist does not speak without first considering how effective those words are.”
How I hate these conversations where he has to think a full minute before he answers, to any stupid question.
“You will take the view that he or she does not care and you are correct in that view since the Greater Narcissist, like all narcissists is not created to care. What you ought to understand though is that this failure to care is actually secondary to the need to acquire fuel. If all that mattered was the inability to care, then we would administer hurtful behaviour all of the time. The reality is, the order of priority is that fuel must be obtained and during devaluation this causes hurt to other people and furthermore we are not designed to care about this hurt.”
–> And that is what causes this –>> “He is the defiler, the punisher and the destroyer of worlds. Your worlds”.
There is no lonelier life than living with a (greater) narcissist.
2sf,
I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Thanks Jenna, I survived. One of his earlier victims did not. And the woman before me is in life long mental health retreat programms. The reason I made it is because I fell in love with musician (MR)narc, who also drove me insane. That’s how and when I found out about NPD.
2sf,
This greater ex narc sounds horrible. It breaks my heart that one of his victims did not survive and another one is in a life long mental health retreat. Thank god you survived 2sf. I am so glad you found narcsite and you are here with all of us survivors (I was suicidal too at a certain point in entanglement). The musician narc is an mr, so maybe easier to handle but I am not sure. I only have experience with an mmrn and the silences were hard to bear. For me, silences are more difficult to bear than the malice of a greater. But I could be totally wrong as I have no experience with a greater. What is your opinion on that 2sf?
Jenna,
The greater is my ex husband of 25 years and the father of my children. He (when younger) would totally be your type, handsome, tall, intelligent, good job, etc. The fact is he does not appear horrible at all. He is well-spoken, not violent, not aggressive, friendly, might appear a little smug (which I saw as confident).
It’s the dynamic between a narc brain and an HSP empathic brain that makes it horrible and dangerous (besides having low self-esteem). It’s the gaslighting that messes with your brain.
I already knew something wasn’t right during our honeymoon. My promiss ‘for better or worse’ was something I would stick to (and matrinarc telling me I could not divorce).
We’re divorced now, but still engage (still live in the same house, although seperated) and it is far easier now that I know what he is. Daily life with my sons without gaslighting and provocation, without depression and anxiety is so good. If you’d told me 10 years ago that I would be in this state of mind today and not have committed suicide, I would’ve never believed you.
You are right about silent treatments, they are horrible. My mother was very good at it (silent treatments until you apologized, not knowing what for). N-ex is very good at short silent treatments, that is not answering a question and just walk out (to smoke). 5 minutes later he’ll be back and change the subject. He would even do that during a conversation, when walking in the woods, in the middle of whatever I was telling him (and I am not a talkative person, so it’s not that he got tired of my blah blah).
Musician narc and I have met several times (from a small distance), look at each other but never spoke in person, it was only an online affair, but a very ‘special one’. Online affairs with a narc are even more dangerous, they keep your mind going 24/7.
What happened to your mmrn Jenna? Is he hoovering or are you full NC? Did the affair with him change you, or your look on certain things?
Hi 2sf,
Wow 25 yrs. I thought windstorm had one of the longest narc marriages here, but you might come second (out of the pple I know here). I have to give you credit for staying that long. It must have been very difficult, especially because you knew something was not right with him, but did not know quite what. Gaslighting of course. I think greaters are best at it and I’m sorry you had to endure that. I did not experience much gaslighting. Just alot of politeness (facade), silences, and blame shifting. I’m sure it’s difficult to live in the same house as your ex. I hope you don’t have to see him much though. Enjoy the time with your sons!
It made me sad to read that your mother gave you silent treatments. No child should have to bear that from a parent. Experiences like that really shape who we become.
2sf, you never met musician narc? Well, it’s for the better. Please stay safe.
The mmrn I knew disengaged with me. I was miserable. I had consults with hg and then all of a sudden, I started getting better. I was able to see in color again. It sounds cliche, but I was able to smell the roses, and enjoy life without anxiety. Four years of anxiety melted away. I made an active decision that I want to reduce my narcissistic traits, so I researched brain neuroplasticity. We can rewire our brain through positive thinking and practising alot of empathy. So that is what I am doing. I was so vvvvvery sensitive during entanglement, it manifested on the blog, and it almost disappeared following disengagement and recovery. Thank god. Being with a narc changes you in ways you don’t imagine. I am not full NC. Well, hg would say I am not NC at all because he doesn’t use ‘partial’ or ‘full’ nc. I did not block him. Several months later, he unblocked me (passive hoover). And then a few months ago he contacted me (active hoover). I did not ignore him because I don’t want to hold a grudge. I replied politely, but in a fuel free manner, and I worded my reply in such a way that he need not reply further. I am happy to say that I have no warm feelings towards him and only felt pity for him. In his recent picture, his eyes look so empty, more empty than before. I would not want to be in that situation again, having to look at those empty eyes, feeling anxious, being overly sensitive.
2sf, I want to let you know that you and a few other readers here, have been part of my journey in realizing some things about myself. So I thank you for that.
Jenna, thanks for your response (no notification, Word Press is on Christmas Leave already I guess 😒).
I will come back to this tomorrow. My mind is too tired right now 🙋🏻♀️
Jenna, thanks for your comment. I’m very happy for you that you got rid of the anxiety and manage to deal with the mmrn, for not being in his ‘grip’ anymore.
Yes, narcs do change you and I also agree with you that you can change by rewiring your brain and actively make good choices, like getting rid of (or deal in a right way with) toxic people, eat healthy food, work out, spend enough time outside, focus on other people. etc.
Like you, I’m also not full NC with either of the narcs, but knowing what they are makes you aware of their manipulations.
I finally managed to get rid of my everlasting depression, the feelings of anxiety, guilt and the huge lack of self-confidence and with that improved my health. No more Cushing syndrome (‘pregnant’ belly), diabetes, frizzy hair, hair loss, insomnia, etc.. I feel fit and healthy again.
I applaud you for having the courage to look within yourself and to have noticed that politeness often is facade. We both (and most people here) had to learn this the hard way. Sometimes one needs a bit of straightforwardness (or even harshness) to become aware of ones own faults.
Merry Christmas Jenna, wishing you all the best and a happy future xx
Hi 2sf,
Thank you for your reply. I am so happy to read that you got rid of your depression, anxiety, feelings of guilt, and low self confidence. We have both grown by being here. I can see the changes in you and I think you can see the changes in me too. I am still working on improving myself daily, as we are always changing, and we are by far perfect. Maybe Hg can write an article of what happens to us post disengagement and recovery – anxiety gone, depression gone, self confidence increased, able ‘to see in color’ ie. out of the fog, decreased sensitivity, a better grip of reality overall. Active choices in our life also help this process along. Like you said, eating healthy food also affects us. I strongly believe in this too. Everything in our environment affects us – the sounds we take in, indoor air quality, how much outdoor air we breathe, the foods we eat, our choices, our thinking process, positive thinking. We are what we want to be. And we can shape it ourselves. We have enough power to do that!
Merry christmas to you and your sons 2sf! I hope you have a great holiday!
Merry Christmas, jenna!
2SF
It’s an achievement that you have survived all that you have. I am not surprised to read you were pushed to your limits by your ex-N husband. I’m glad that you didn’t act on any of those feelings of despair. I well know how hard that is when you battle those feelings every day.
It’s incredibly lonely.
I so admire your resilience and courage.
Hmmm…just a thought HG; I know you’ve been all generous with “A Very” bonus….buuuut…any chance we could get those baby blues super-imposed with a dragon image?
You know, in theme with the slow reveal of the ‘Ultra’ you??
Ha ha, watch this space.
Maybe for Christmas, we will get an 8 x 10 full color professional shot with real name! I’d settle for that if you can’t get me the HG doll in my stocking, Santa.
MB, in the same pose as ‘Hark the Somatic narc’? 😍 (without the 🎁 of course 😁)
Haha 2SF! No, I actually prefer a sharp dressed, clean shaven, fresh from the shower, yummy smelling man myself.
Omg.. don’t say that.. i’m all alone in bed 👅😣
You so crazy girl! I prefer my presents to be wrapped. Opening your surprise is part of the fun!
Agree MB!
(and in real life I would never fall for a dude like ‘Hark The Somatic narc’, eeewww).
Ha ha ha. Yes please!
#Shootforthestars MB
Oooh.