Infatuation
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh? Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding. Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that. I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises. This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done. You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another. We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you. I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.
33 thoughts on “Infatuation”
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Did I date you? Deja Vu 🦋
No.
You did in a way. They are all the same. They are very predictable and almost never deviate from the script. Deja vu indeed!
HG, you have explained many times that the seduction and love bombing is part of the narcissistic cycle. Is it possible that sometimes there’s no love bombing? For example when the victim knocks on the narcissist’s door to declare her love for him. He then can save the energy and go straight to the golden period. The binding of the victim to the narcissist is also easily done without the necessity of love bombing.
… or would you say if there’s no seduction and love bombing then it’s not a narcissistic cycle?
If control can be established without love-bombing, there will be no love-bombing.
Liane
There was no lovebombing with my exhusband and he is obviously a narcissist.
Hello, H.G. TUDOR.
It’s paradoxical, and right now I don’t know what to think.
If the narcissists have these mental dysfunctions, the empathic, super empathic and codependent are not free either. We are also sick in the head.
The problem is not only in the narcissist. We also have our share of guilt… Paid hard enough for it…
Why if you think: who in his right mind, endures what we have endured? Nobody!
I suppose we endure because of our addiction (created by the narcissist)
H.G comments in your book Adored and Abhorred, “that it’s our fault for putting up with it”… But I don’t agree, although to a certain extent you are absolutely right about this.
Because we have no limits… But even if I don’t have my limits, well placed .
Who created this addiction?
Who seduces who?
We are aware that we are being drugged to be addicted ?
It is a seduction to betrayal…
Because if they don’t seduce me (they don’t drug me), and therefore, I wouldn’t have such an addiction.
And it is evident that we also do not know or realize that this type of relationship is not normal…
For example, in my specific case my narcissist always looked for inexperienced people, with zero previous relationships… Intelligent on his part… because if you have previous relationships, it is easier to detect, that the relationship is abnormal and unhealthy.
I believe that codependent people like me have no limits. And this is caused by a bad basis since childhood because of child abuse, physical and mental, devaluations, low self-esteem within the family, etc.. that form the basis of the character of the person. And on the other hand, our mistaken concept learned in the same childhood, that all people are the same as us, that all are empathic and good people…
MISTAKE
People are the way they are. There are bad people and there are good people. The mistake is to think that we are all equally Empathetic.
Damn seduction, but you shine so much.
And you will tell me, but you are responsible for your life. Responsibility, damn responsibility … jjajajja.
In short, everything I have written to synthesize it is “through my fault” Mea Culpa…
https://youtu.be/KG7Bs_BCC5w
Kyrie eleison
Chrism eleison
(Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy)
I do not sleep anymore
(The time has come)
(I can not sleep anymore
(The time has come)
I want you
(The time has come)
(I desire you
(The time has come)
Take me
I’m yours
Mea culpa
(Take me
I’m yours
I’m guilty)
I want to go after my fantasies
I know that it is forbidden
I am crazy. I abandon myself
(I want to go to the end of my fantasies
I know it is forbidden
I am crazy. I am letting myself go)
Mea culpa
Kyrie eleison
Chrism eleison
(I’m guilty
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy)
I am here and elsewhere
I do not have anything
I’m going crazy
I abandon myself
(I am here and somewhere else
I have nothing more
I am becoming crazy
I am letting myself go)
Mea culpa
(I’m guilty)
I do not sleep anymore
I want you
Take me
I’m yours
(I can not sleep anymore
I desire you
Take me
I’m yours)
Kyrie eleison
Chrism eleison
(Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy)
I am here and elsewhere
I want everything
When you want
As you wish
(I am here and somewhere else
I want everything,
When you want,
As you like)
Mea culpa
Kyrie eleison
(I’m guilty
Lord have mercy)
Songwriters: David Fairstein / M.C. Curly
Mea Culpa lyrics © Sony / ATV Music Publishing LLC
Another post that feels creepily inspired by my very own set of text messages and conversations down to the letter. Sigh…
Hellow from Spain.
HG, on question about Mid Rangers. They consider themselves VERY VERY good , they belive their own lies…what happens when they tell you that NEVER NEVER have been unfaithfull and the previous day they have fucked another….In these case,they also belive this lie? they don¨t know they are liying?…HOw they self-justify themselves to continue self-steem VERY good and VERY sincere?.
Thanks for your great help and sorry for my english.
It is called compartmentalisation. They do not consider themselves as lying because the narcissism re-writes history/justifies the action.
Lucca contacto cero, desde ya… Te lo recomiendo no pierdas tu tiempo..
Saludos desde la Costa del Sol
Infatuation is real for us. It’s dope. I can bring the dope back any time I start thinking in an emotional way by just thinking of him or looking at his picture. It’s so weird how the brain works and I start wondering, is infatuation real, is love real, is it all just in my head in a fantasy? Could I love someone if I do not allow myself emotional thinking?
2SF
It’s totally dope. I can conjure the feelings when I allow myself to emotionally think about it or when I look at his pictures or read the messages. I am not NC so if he simply “likes” something on my social media it’s like heroin hitting my veins.
I think that yes, love IS real. It’s an emotion that is built over time and with trust. I don’t think emotionally about loving my husband. I just do (I guess I have a strange way of showing that but…) I see myself sharing my life with him, growing old and having grandkids, supporting one another until the end.
With my narc, while I do care about him a great deal, I know now the “love” part is all a fantasy. I “loved” the idea of him and the promises he made. I loved the highs he was able to bring me to with just his words and his touch. And it all happened so instantly. Infatuation is definitely real.
I wonder if this will ever go away? Our romance was very brief, so I feel hopeful that someday I will feel nothing at all.
Joanne, I think it will go away once you go NC. After a while the dope will be gone. To go full NC is a hard decision to make though. Hope you (and I) can do it some day soon. I’m happy you have a husband that you love Xx
K
Thank you for that definition of “object constancy.”
My narc would use the term when he was upset with my hurt/disappointment/anger at him. In other words, because I expressed my hurt/disappointment/anger towards him in an emotional way, rather than in a perfectly logical one. My assertiveness would seem like aggression to him. It threw him off balance and he would blame me for being “destructive,” , saying “I can’t deal with this instability you are causing. There’s no object constancy.” So, for him, it was either everything is coming up roses or everything is chaos—only black and white for him.
While I know he’s a narc for sure, he never displayed his love of this negative fuel. Instead, he would BLAME me for causing instability. Of course, this blame was a way of trying to control me and shut down the chaos so everything could be rosy again.
You are welcome lisk
Wow, talk about projection and blame shifting. You had a smart narc because none of my narcissists ever used the term object constancy.
You are correct; your assertiveness was challenge fuel and he had to shut you down to assert control, superiority and draw fuel. How dare you express your needs (you have none; it’s all about him) and then you tried to hold him accountable for your upset/disappointment/anger (gasp)! He is not accountable to you or anyone else for that matter.
Your non-compliance was swiftly dealt with and order was reestablished and everything was all rosy for him, whilst you were left invalidated. Good for him, bad for you.
It is no wonder HG strongly advocates get out, stay out (GOSO). The efficacy of No Contact (NC) counteracts these emotional wounds and allows us to move on from this abusive dynamic.
lisk
P.S.
any time you want to read the article about split thinking just type: object constancy into the search function on the upper right and that will pull it up.
My new philosophy is that infatuation arises from the chemicals in the brain that are produced when the right boxes are ticked by someone. Love is something that is proven by more consistent and long-term behaviors. My infatuation for my husband for example is gone but I still love him whether we go on periods that we like or dislike each other. When I dislike him, I’m still willing to self-sacrifice and stay committed and my respect for him never goes away and I try to like him again. When I like him, it’s not much of a sacrifice because I get excited and attracted to him again but not in the same level as when I was infatuated. But I’m happy to be with him because I love him. Although the infatuation stage is the most exciting and fun stage I think.
I found this article which might be interesting. The infatuation part is I think when the dopamine is high. That’s why it’s more exciting. The love part is when the dopamine drops and is replaced by oxytocin and vasopressin which are the attachment hormones. It’s not that exciting anymore but it’s like riding together on a peaceful stream. Sometimes you hit rocks but the majority of the time is like a peaceful stream.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201603/the-science-love-and-attachment%3famp
I read the article before (following Psychology Today on Twitter). It’s all about science and hormones, so NOT romantic 😄. And then why we choose an ‘object of affection’ is a whole other story (like does he look like you dad, does he remind you of that funny neighbour, etc.)
I’m with you on this Mommypino. Love is perhaps more consistent, however would still need emotional thinking I guess. How can you love with logic thinking only?
Infatuation is only fun during the golden period with a narc, after that it becomes horribly painful. I’m happy you have a husband you love and are committed to. Xx
mommypino
Dopamine (that one is primarily responsible for our addiction to the love-bombing) Norepinephrine and Serotonin (crazy love).
You have object constancy, which is the ability to maintain a positive emotional connection to your husband even when you are hurt, disappointed or angry with him.
You do not have split (black/white) thinking.
K
Found it humorous, I had a doctor put me on norepinephrine tablets for several years for panic attacks and anxiety. Wonder if I’ve always had a shortage? Wonder if that’s connected to my never having any interest in romance?
WS
Ha ha ha…I am not sure about the romance part, but I read that most humans need healthy emotional connections/limbic resonance and your shortage may be due to being denied this connection by your parents and husband which has adversely impacted your emotional health.
This is a quick Google definition:
Limbic resonance is the idea that the capacity for sharing deep emotional states arises from the limbic system of the brain. These states include the dopamine circuit-promoted feelings of empathic harmony, and the norepinephrine circuit-originated emotional states of fear, anxiety and anger.
2SF, that’s how I got rid of emotional thinking with my narc. I just told myself repeatedly when I was longing for him or imagining what happy times we could have together that I just need to wait for the infatuation chemicals to wane. The visuals of the chcemicals in my brain are not romantic nor sexy lol. If we have the right guy who really loves us we can allow ourselves as much emotional thinking as we want to have. It is fun to love and to have the feeling of being vulnerable, but only if the other person can relied on as a safe sanctuary.
I agree Mommypino.
“If we have the right guy who really loves us”
yeah… if
🙂
K, that is a great point about object constancy.
Windstorm, I have reread the book Brain Rules for Babies and I there was a part talkig about mirror neurons that made me wonder if the mirror neurons of Contagion empaths are much more developed or sensitive than most people’s brains. The mirror neurons have a lot to do with empathy.
MommyPino
Could very well be true about the mirror neurons. Like most things, empathy or lack of empathy is most likely a combination of nature and nurture.
WS, well I decided to google it just now and it looks like there is indeed a connection. Here’s a more thorough article if you’re interested. It’s pretty fascinating for me. I was not interested in Psychology before but I’m learning a lot recently so this is all new to me.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empaths-survival-guide/201703/the-science-behind-empathy-and-empaths%3famp
MommyPino
Very good article.
I’m beginning to think that “love” is highly overrated.
This is the kind of crap that made me come to my senses. Bingo! You nailed it.