Seven Lies For Seven Others
The lies we tell with reference to other people.
- She is just a friend
Oh no she is not. Whilst it is entirely the case that we will have friends, both in the inner and outer circles who are of the opposite sex, you should be aware that whilst that may be their current status, in terms of their ability to provide us with fuel, they once had a different status. The key word here is “just”. We say this to emphasise that this person is a friend and nothing more so don’t think you can pin any blame on us. The reality is that this person was once an intimate partner and has been demoted to a friend but is very much still in play. We keep them hanging on in the hope that they believe they will be reinstated and thus they keep providing us with fuel. Secondly, she will be used to triangulate with you both now as friend v you as intimate partner and later as reinstated intimate partner v you as discarded intimate partner. She will be keen to usurp you because she wants us again. She wants the golden period again. She is the competition and we encourage it.
- She’s just a friend, again.
Look who is back? Actually she is not, she is someone else but she fits in the mould of being described as “just a friend” to you in order to deflect those accusing looks you are giving us. Once again this person will be an inner or outer circle friends, maybe “just” an acquaintance but we have plans for her. This is your replacement who we are busy seducing, as we once did with you. This is the person who will be providing us with fresh and invigorating fuel after we have cast you down from your pedestal. It is coming, believe me. This is the competition. Again.
- I am so proud of my son/daughter
I am a high achiever and I expect my children to follow in my foot-steps, after all, they are just a part of me, extensions of me and I expect them to do as I desire, rather than find their own way in life. I will push them to succeed at school, in sports, with music and so forth because their achievements are actually my achievements. My son graduated with honours; he gets his brains from me. My daughter won the county athletic championships; I was always an excellent runner. Those achievements are down to me and I will take all of the credit for them , pulling the spotlight away from them and onto me where it belongs. I am not proud of them at all. I am proud of myself.
- She abused me
Your predecessor was a horrible person. I did everything that I could for her. Everything. I gave my all for our relationship and how was I repaid? Lies, control and abuse. She stopped me seeing my friends, stole money from me, told lies to my boss so I lost my job, hit me and made my life an absolute misery. I escaped her and she came after me because she cannot ever let me go. She will always want to cause me problems. She seems to thrive on it. There is clearly something very wrong with her since she behaves in this way. If you ever meet her, watch out, she will tell you all manner of lies about me. Don’t believe anything she says, she is evil, pure evil.
Did I mean my ex? I was talking to myself again there.
- He is a close and personal friend
Yes that famous actor over there. Do you see him? Yes, that’s him. He is a close and personal friend of mine. I have known him for years. He thinks I am great. We have such a great time together. Of course he is often busy so we do not see as much of one another as we would both like, but when we do, boy do we have a fantastic time. I could tell you a few stories about him, but of course I won’t, I am the model of discretion you see. We met at a film premiere some years ago, I forgot which one precisely, but we hit it off straight away. I always do with people, I am just a people person really, great at connecting with people. I know quite a few famous people to be honest but I do not like to talk about it too much. Will I go and say hello? Of course, he will be probably come over to talk to me in a minute after he has spoken to his fans. He likes to get his obligations out of the way before talking to his real friends. Let me tell you about some other famous people I am friends with whilst we are waiting.
- My family are trouble
It is a terrible fact but my family are trouble. I wish it was not the case. I wish they were more like yours. You seem to have such a good relationship with your parents and your brother. I don’t have that with mine. It is all down to jealousy you see. Terrible isn’t it? Do feel free to feel sorry for me. Good, thank you. Yes, I have always been the achiever of the family and for some reason, rather than support me and praise me for my endeavours I get nothing but insults, cold shoulders and nastiness. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it is always the same. I get no recognition for the sacrifices I make. I get no understanding or compassion because they are all self-obsessed, too busy screaming “Look at me” to care about me. I haven’t had it easy you know? I may appear successful and brilliant but it has been a tough slog to the top and they have not helped one bit. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that about them but you would say the same if you had been treated the way I had. I am afraid you will have to meet them at some point, they will seem all sweetness and light at first, but don’t be fooled. They are evil underneath.
- He is a liar
Him? Oh we were once really good friends but not anymore, not after what he did to me. I lent him some money, quite a lot actually. He had hit a difficult time with his job and this meant that his bills were not being paid, at least that is what he told me. I later found out he had gambling debts and rather than use the money I lent him to clear those debts. I would not have minded to be honest, he went and gambled it away and made the debt larger. He came back with some sob story about needing the money for a medical bill and me being the caring fool I am was taken in. What did he really want it for? Oh you guessed it, more gambling. I am such an idiot but I cannot help but try and help people out. I had to say no to him after that and do you know what his response was? Rather than understand and be thankful for all the help that I have given him, he starts telling people that I am the one who owes him money. Can you believe it? That’s why I have nothing to do with him. He lies all the time so watch out as he is bound to try and turn you against me. Thank goodness I got to you first.
45 thoughts on “Seven Lies For Seven Others”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Brilliant 💋👍😎
I love the video and especially the tattoos of the models who have that double message, like the mind of a narcissist and how they see themselves… As gods…
*** Luke 1:37
Because for God (narcisistas) there is nothing impossible.
*** Isaiah 41:10
So don’t be afraid, because I’m with you;
Do not be anxious, for I am your God( narcisista).
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will support you with my victorious right hand.
*** Dolorense and key (dolorance and solution keys.)
Your tattoos are so blasphemous…
Hello, H.G. Tudor.
Here I bring you the lyrics of a song, which I like very much because with a few words they express well the sense of struggle, of tug-of-war, of narcissistic relationships and hoovering. The words enclosed in brackets are the thoughts of the narcissist…
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zg9UiBKmss&w=560&h=315%5D
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
You’ll drive me crazy.
What are you going to demand of me? (Fuel)
What more could you ask for? (Fuel)
Leave me alone because you’re wrong. (I’m not going to give you more fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
It has made me nervous.
Isn’t she happy with everything I gave her, (Love)
maybe you’re trying something else. (Fuel)
My source program is going to remodel everything,
the only thing left to do is to execute the ideal recorversion. (reset button)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
You’ll end up driving me crazy.
What are you going to demand of me? (Fuel)
What more could you ask for? (Fuel)
Leave me alone because you’re wrong. (I’m not going to give you more fuel)
I may increase a selection
spaghetti code that I’m going to refactor. (Reset button)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
It’s made me nervous.
Isn’t she happy with everything I gave her, (Love)
maybe you’re trying something else. (Fuel)
Interface of whim with indecision, ( Hopes)
error message.
System off, system off, system off,
error, system off.
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
It will end up driving me crazy.
What are you going to demand of me? (Fuel)
What more could you ask for? (Fuel)
Leave me alone because you’re wrong. (I’m not going to give you more fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
It has made me nervous.
Isn’t she happy with everything I gave her, (Love)
make yourself clear and tell me what the plan is. (Squeeze you like a lemon, for fuel.)
What exactly do you want? (Fuel)
What do you want? (Fuel)
You’re driving me crazy, you’re wrong about me. (I’m not going to give you more fuel)
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
What more could you ask for? (Fuel)
You’ll end up driving me crazy.
What do you want from me? (Fuel)
With everything I gave him, (Love)
make up your mind because I can’t do it anymore….
Hello, H.G. Tudor.
The eternal summer, what kind of friends is the one with whom you spend more hours than has a clock?….
Let’s do the math…
8h daily 4 days a week. Monday Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. 32 hours.
13h daily weekends x 2 days Friday and Saturday. 26 hours.
Sunday other 8 hours.
32 +26+8=66 hours per week.
66×52 weeks of a year =3432 hours per year.
3432 hours per year x 10 infernal years: 34320 hours.
Everyone asked: Are you a couple? to which he responded with his cynicism, we are only friends.
I have lived in my own flesh several of the lies you mention in your post…
At the moment I have been living between hell and purgatory for 873,600 hours (25 years).
Although it must always be said that also during this time I have been able to lead a somewhat dysfunctional life after my zero contact.
During this time I have not worked at all on the narcissistic/codependent subject, because I did not know that I had fallen into the clutches of a narcissist. I thought it was an unrequited love. But seeing what I saw, the time of my zero contact, which has also done me good and discover as many things as the addiction to the narcissist and so many others. By tying up ends and discovering what really happened. Now it’s different.
I am aware of what a beautiful and partly liberating word.
I know that maybe I tell intimate and personal things in my comments and that these can be unpublished. But I am an excessively open and extroverted person (Latin character) and I read that telling too much can be harmful. That’s why I’m not going to tell more, but for me it’s fundamental to let go, what I’ve kept for so long…
I heard the “she’s just a friend” a hundred times and it was clear that the She of the moment was a bit more than that! But according to him it was all in my head! I feel sorry for all these women he keeps hanging on in the hope that he will get back with them. I was one of them for a short while but then I saw the light. Life is so much easier without a narcissist.
My narc’s kids are total extensions of him.
Not only that, he uses them as fuel magnets. He always boasted about the wonderful father-daughter relationship he had and all the cool things they did together. Now, I realize that he not only talked about the things they did together to get the “Oh, he’s such a great guy” type of fuel, but he also planned and did those things in order to tell people (prospective fuel sources) about them.
In other words, he couldn’t just hang out with his daughter. He had to have some pre-conceived good dad with daughter scenario to act out for future stories.
sounds like my ex narc, always boasting about doing stuff with his daughter. Except the reality is, she only sees him literally 2 or 3 times a year and she never wants to stay in his company. She’s the one who asks to go home after a couple of hours. At 10, she’s already spouting off words like narcissist and saying her dad has an explosive temper (blows up one second, completely calm as if nothing happened the next second), she’s aware of what he is and would rather not be with him. Very sad
Oddly enough, my narc told me his divorce was mutual and amicable which I found hard to believe and immediately raised a red flag. He tried to paint himself as so easy going and jealousy free, the true swinger with no desire to possess or control. Yet he also used triangulation with me on our first romantic encounter, making it clear he was not interested in monogamy and had many lovers. He got visibly ruffled when I told him that was fine with me and I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. His failure to arouse my jealousy or competetivnes really got to him. This didnt last long. He immediately stepped up the abuse and I left him quickly. So far he has not attempted a Hoover but it’s only been a month or so.
Marina
He was looking for a reaction in order to determine the extent of his control and gather fuel and, when he didn’t get it, he upped the ante, however, you escaped. Very good. I think he will hoover you so be careful.
Yep. First he told me he had a few regular girlfriends. Then he said he picked up many different girls every night, which totally repulsed me. His exact words were, “I shower in between partners”. Eww! I still cringe thinking about it. When he saw I was genuinely disgusted he quickly changed his tune and said he hadn’t done that in a long time. I don’t know what to believe but don’t care, now that I know what he is. Only problem is we both play music at the same local bar and I’m bound to run into him.
Marina
Eww! That is repulsive. He is a fuel whore. Sex = Fuel.
When he saw your disgust and quickly changed his tune (volte face/one-eighty), that was facade maintenance; he didn’t want to scare you away.
That was an excellent manipulation. His goal was to draw you into his fuel matrix/world and hopefully keep you there, but he failed.
You will run into him and that will be a hoover in the first sphere of influence. Keep reading so you can get your emotional thinking under control. I think you will like Zero Impact.
https://narcsite.com/2017/08/28/the-spheres-of-influence-
https://narcsite.com/2017/05/03/zero-impact/
2/https://narcsite.com/2018/11/03/how-to-reduce-giving-fuel-to-the-narcissist-3/
“shower between partners”
Yup, I pretty much got the same story line when I pointed out to him that I had tasted cum on him from someone else, on more than one occasion.
Would like to wash my mouth out with bleach. yuck
I actually took to smelling in the area first before putting my mouth near him after that. If in doubt, I withdrew and walked away.
But hey….he showered between partners so that was not possible!
Sure dude, whatever you say, I believe you. As they say, ‘and I have some swamp land in Colorado for sale’ too
Freedgypsysoul, this is disgusting but I know where you’re coming from. After I found out about the others he told me he once had sex with his primary then had his IPSS give him oral after and didn’t wash. It was punishment for her “cheating” on him. It wasn’t long after that I cut off sex. I couldn’t get it out of my head.
The IPSS cheats and needs punishment, ya, right. Only in their minds. Zero regard for anyone’s health (mentally, emotionally or physically). I retreated to other rooms a lot to sleep when I was in doubt of his behavior because I didn’t want anything to do with touching him. Not until I knew he atleast had his morning shower
One narc ex boyfriend he had this girl that would stop by just a friend. One day I saw her scurrying across the grass from his flat.So I just stopped by for a visit. He has no shirt and boxers on. I go in his room talking with him. I see a women’s watch on his nightstand. I picked it up and said who’s watch? He said the girls name. And then he said “she was giving me a massage”. I threw the watch on the floor. And he says to me “this is getting to be not any fun anymore.”
busted, red handed. You had the watch, I had the underwear.
Mine still stood in front of me and denied that he was cheating on me. Sure, o.k. buddy, if you say so.
freedgypsysoul
Your comment is an excellent example of the Narcissist’s First Line of defence: Denial.
Even though you had evidence, he still denied it!
Denial was promptly followed by projection; that best friend of mine, who I spoke to every day, who happened to be male….I was sooooo cheating on my narc with. Except my friend is a long haul truck driver with his own woman in another city. In the time I was with this narc, my friends routes didn’t even take him thru my city so ya sure, I was sleeping with him, if you say so. Oh, would you like to hold this mirror for me, ya, face it so you can see in it because there is the one who is cheating, with multiple people at that!
Oh HG, I so love reading your writings! You just make my day!
In reference to number 1, during deval, I was ‘just his roommate’ to a number of different women. The fact that I lived in the same house (which I took care of), cooked, cleaned, shopped, did laundry, packed him lunches for work, lived and slept in the master bedroom with him, all my clothes hung in the closet in the master bedroom, all my personal grooming items were in the master bedroom bathroom surely supported the phrase that ‘I was just the roommate’, didn’t it?
As for number 2, yup, he’s currently dating that ‘friend’ that he pursued while I was just the roommate.
Now number 4…..OMG, I literally laughed out loud when I got to the end of it! He called his ex wife and said to her verbatim pretty much what you wrote; she called me and we laughed and laughed and laughed.
HG, I’m curious to know what the narcs think (or how they would respond) if they ever find out the exes have gotten together and have compared notes about them.
Most likely it would be challenge fuel.
As in… challenge to stay the most admired? The leader of the clan?
That made me laugh – it makes you a real casanova, HG!
freedgypsysoul
These are all residual benefits:
The fact that I lived in the same house (which I took care of), cooked, cleaned, shopped, did laundry, packed him lunches for work,
While you were taking care of the house, he was chasing fuel or plotting his next moves.
Oh, I’m aware that he got all the residual benefits while I got all the abuse. It was just my sarcastic humour coming out. Roommates live separate lives, they pass each other like ships in the night, doing their own thing. Occasionally they may hang out together, wind down, watch a movie at home but for the most part, they are separate. Anyone with half a brain (and I’m not directing anything at you, I’m directing it to his other women) would realize that I was not, not ever was, ‘just a roommate’.
freedgypsysoul
Ha ha ha…you were living with him so it is very clear you were the IPPS, however, it appears that he had multiple appliances and he was triangulating. Sex = fuel.
With narcissists, we really don’t know what they are telling the other sources so it is plausible that he told these women that his relationship with you was “open” and that you were ok with him sleeping around. We will never know the truth and that is why no contact is the way to go.
K, I eventually was aware of what part of what he was telling them as I saw the messages on messenger in which they clearly asked about me and he specifically told them I was ‘just a roommate’. With the ex who is the mother of his 10 year old, I reached out to her to get information on the restraining order she had out in him in March of 2017 and in our conversation, I asked something (cannot recall now) but she replied with ‘but aren’t you just his roommate’? No honey, haven’t been since May.
What was funny was that she got quiet on messenger which I found out was because she phoned him and confronted him about my status. Even funnier was that he was on the way home from working out of town and he went from ‘can’t wait to get home to see you to, I’m going out with Scott for drinks’. I knew it wasn’t Scott he was going drinking with because I saw his messages to his female co-worker. Lol What a fun night that was. He eventually started home then decided to go to a pub nearby because he was mad at me but he texted me where he was. I walked over there. Can’t remember if that was the first time or the 2nd that I saw him with fury just vibrating off him (reptilian monster released).
freedgypsysoul
You were the “roommate” who provided housekeeping duties, ran errands and occupied and slept in the master bedroom. They bought that line hook, line and sinker. How convenient.
Wow, he was really pissed at you and his ex. He isn’t accountable to either of you (how dare she question him re: your roommate status and you needed to be punished for your treachery) so he painted you black and did a complete volte face by going to the pub and triangulating with the co-worker and he wanted you to know it so he sent a text. He was clearly in control and wanted to provoke you into providing some negative fuel so he could assert his superiority and heal the wound caused by your criticism. He must have been furious.
when I eventually caught up with him in another pub, I would definitely say he was furious. I, however, was not. I engaged with him in a neutral manner while observing his irrational behavior which included him telling the poor young waitress to FUCK OFF when she inquired if he wanted another drink. Another server stepped in and walked her away, obviously she could see what was going on between him and I and took her away to a ‘safe zone’.
I’m so glad I am no longer with him. He dug himself a hole with his behavior and every day, went deeper and deeper in to it while I observed and thought to myself, ya, NO, I don’t think I want to hitch my wagon to this horse, it’s screwed up royally!!!
freedgypsysoul
Looks like he needed fuel quickly if he was devaluing the waitress. Your neutral response may have forced him to gather it from a tertiary source. Did you react to the verbal abuse he directed towards the waitress or were you able to remain neutral?
I remained neutral with him, sent her a glance over his shoulder and apologized to her on his behalf, she didn’t deserve him snapping at her.
Interesting how I can now ‘see’ what he was doing when I reflect back on that whole day, beginning to end.
You guys help make it clearer too
freedgypsysoul
Thank you for your response. I think he got fuel from the waitress, most likely, shock, upset or surprise and additional fuel from the server who walked her away from the scene (fear, concern or confusion). Your neutral response was good but you did apologize on his behalf and that is fuel. You did the right thing by apologizing, that was your empathic trait of decency coming to the fore.
He had multiple fuel streams going on at once so he could assert control, gather fuel and reinforce his need for superiority and self-worth thus healing the wound.
In his world control = safety.
astute observations K. Very astute. I’m sitting here, casually trying to recall how the night ended, what his eventual mood was like when we finally departed and came home (but to be honest, I’m pulling a blank AND I am not sure if it really matters)’ What I think I am looking for is to recall if his wound had been sufficiently healed that he returned to a half decent character.
Thank you freedgypsysoul
I think it is safe to surmise that he gathered enough fuel at the pub to quell his fury and heal the wound and alcohol also acts as a fuel substitute so Dr. Jekyll was able to come to the fore.
I know I walked over (was only a 10 minute walk) so I could drive him home (as I knew he had been drinking). I don’t know, I’m almost thinking he got his wound healed and he was nice for the rest of the night. Lol. I so do not miss him. AND just found out that I’m regularly still being brought up in his current conversations in front of the new IPPS, as recently as last evening but as well as at Christmas and on New Year’s too! I’m glad I can keep him entertained.
freedgypsysoul
That makes complete sense. He got his negative fuel at the pub and then he was “nice” for the rest of the night, that is contrast and you are being brought up in conversation for the purposes of triangulation with his current IPPS. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to hoover you in the near future because you are in his 6th sphere of influence (you are on his mind). Be on the lookout.
K,
Thanks for pointing that out. “Residual benefits” answers a lot of the “why?” questions, for me, anyway.
My pleasure lisk
I was happy to read that my comment helped you. If you haven’t already, read the Prime Aims and you will find more information on residual benefits in that article. That is a good one and I think you will enjoy it.
https://narcsite.com/2019/01/02/the-prime-aims-4/
FGS,
I had exact same “just roommates” scenario with my narc. I’m sure he’s dating not just one of the women he was cultivating at the time.
I used to half-believe what he said about the “evil” ex-wife. Now I believe everything opposite. I always fantasize about running into her and trading notes. Perhaps the next time I’m in town.
It’s just amazing how these narcs follow the same damn script!
His evil ex wife is a great person, I really like her!
Freegypsysoul,
In reference to you being his “roommate”. It floors me that the truth is right in front of the victims eyes but yet we choose not to believe. I was the “best friend” to all of his other women. He had a primary source and everything pointed to this fact but I didn’t actually find out the truth until he confessed 4 years later. I look back now and I know I always knew but didn’t want to accept it. Looking at it this way forces me to take responsibility for my part. The lies he told was wrong but I did nothing to stop it. I preferred the lies to the truth.
it’s amazing what lies we are willing to accept, whether we are the IPPS or otherwise, when we know different.
Do you sleep?! My goodness HG.
I have just ordered two of your books at last and I look forward to immersing myself in them during my daily commute.
Kae Victress – Artist
You may find this comment helpful. Enjoy the books!
HG Tudor
OCTOBER 9, 2018 AT 09:37
Sleep is a waste of time.
Thankyou and thankyou 👍🏻
My pleasure Kae Victress – Artist