The Narcissist Manipulates : Triangulation and Character Assassination
“Hello ladies, so good of you to join me, I know you have been looking forward to this for some time, well perhaps it would be more accurate if I was to say that one of you has been looking forward to this meeting and the other has been somewhat apprehensive about doing so. Anyway, let me effect the introductions. Miss Victoria Tim please meet Miss Prudence Spect. Miss Spect this is Miss Tim. I of course need no introduction. Excellent, well now we are all acquainted why don’t we sit down. Are you all right Miss Tim, you seemed to wince when you sat down?”
“There was something sharp on this wooden bench,” Miss Tim explains, ” It is a tack,” she holds up the offending item.
“Oh dear, who could have left that there?”
“You most likely, it is just the type of thing you would do to try and unsettle me, you nasty bastard.”
“Now, now Miss Tim, please, there need not be any need for such language, let us be civil, after all I have always been civil with you have I not?” I declare pleasantly.
“My backside you have been civil you piece of poison. You are the nastiest piece of work I have ever had the misfortune to meet, I hate you.”
“Please Miss Tim, there is no need and I can see you are unnerving Miss Spect here.”
“How come she gets the large comfortable seat and I am perched on this wooden bench thing which is too low down, I am having to crane my neck to speak to you both.”
“Oh I don’t know, I would offer you my seat but it is bolted to the floor as is Miss Spect’s.”
“Well you and I can swap seats then?” Miss Tim suggests to me.
“I cannot do that, I must sit in the middle here and ensure that the conversation is kept civil and polite, I cannot be seen to sit closer to one party than the other.”
“Ever the considerate one aren’t you?” sneers Miss Tim sarcastically.
“But of course dearest Vicky, the voice of reason as you well know.”
Miss Tim screws her face up at my comment and then turns to look across the table at Miss Spect who has sat saying nothing, her face showing a degree of concern at the hostility exhibited by Miss Tim towards me.
“You’ve not said much?” remarks Miss Tim.
“Well no, I haven’t been able to have I. Look Saul I don’t think there is any point in this continuing, you warned me about what she would be like and she has behaved just as you described. Now wonder you left her.”
“It is unfortunate, I thought after all the good times we had together we could at least move on, but it seems that the vitriol she subjected me to when things turned sour, I still do not understand why they did, continues to flow.” I comment.
“Ha, have you heard yourself? My vitriol? My vitriol? You were the one who abused me and called me names, you locked me out of the house and used to take my car keys from me so I could not go anywhere and that is just the tip of the iceberg.”
I shake my head and make tutting noises.
“But Saul just mentioned you had good times together, I know we do, we have wonderful time when we get together, he is so attentive and loving. So generous too, do you like my bracelet?” asks Miss Spect as she thrusts her wrist forward showing off a delicate Tiffany bracelet.
“I had one just like it my dear, he is not one for originality,” mutters Miss Tim.
“Where is it then?” I ask.
Miss Tim hesitates.
“I sold it.”
“Oh how convenient,” I mock giving her a knowing look.
“I did, I did not want any reminder of your hand about me any longer.”
“If he did give you such a bracelet surely you would have kept it, it is so pretty,” smiles Miss Spect presently.
“Not a chance. All the things he gave me I either burned or sold, even though it pains me to admit it that I got rid of some good stuff.”
“It is true dear Pru that I did buy her some gifts, of course nothing as expensive or beautiful as I bought you, a few trinkets and such like but it shows the measure of her nastiness that she would hawk around and destroy my gifts, I know you would never do anything like that would you?”
“Oh goodness no, why would I ever want to get rid of all the wonderful things you have bought for me, you are so kind and thoughtful,” trills Miss Spect.
“Enjoy it while it lasts my dear, it won’t. You know, he had me thinking the same way as the one before me, made her out to be some kind of lunatic alcoholic but I doubt she is, not when I realised how many lies this one tells,” she remarks jabbing a finger towards me.
“Take no notice Pru, Stephanie, my girlfriend before Vicky here was a lovely lady. Unfortunately she had to move away owing to work commitments. I was a little down afterwards but then Vicky arrived very quickly. I was not looking of course, I still had Stephanie very much in my thoughts.”
“Utter nonsense, you came after me. He flattered and chased and promised me all sorts, they do that you see, his kind. He told me Stephanie used to attack him and cut up all his clothes.”
“More lies, when will you ever stop? Spoken to Stephanie have we?” I ask knowing that Miss Tim cannot do so.
“Well no, but the way you went on about here she sounded like she should have been locked up.”
“I never said anything of the sort. You want to think ill of her in order to stop me thinking about her because you wanted me. I fell for you, I will admit that, sorry Pru, but the point of us meeting is to be honest. You asked about Vicky and I know she was very keen to meet you after I sent her some pictures of you and I together. I had to you see. After the awful way I was treated by her, I wanted her to see that she had not destroyed me and that I had found someone who understood me and cared for me, someone who got me, a soulmate if you will.”
“Of course Saul, I understand. I know from what you have told me that you were hurt and vulnerable after what happened. I can see you told me the truth as, well I am sorry to be blunt Miss Tim, but you clearly have issues. I am with Saul now and you may not like that but that is the way it is. You cannot expect to have him back after what you did to him. It was not right to treat someone that way.”
“I don’t know what treacle he has poured in your ears, well actually I do Prudence dear because he did exactly the same to me. Made Stephanie sound a right harpy and then drew me in. Everything was sweetness and light but you will see, it will all turn to shit, he will manipulate you and have you swearing black was white. He is a clever sod I will give him that,” spits Miss Tim.
“I see nothing of what you describe save a kind and loving man who has been badly hurt and I intend to keep him. He loves me and I love him and it is a perfect love, isn’t that the case Saul?”
“Of course my darling Vic, I mean Pru, we have a perfect love and it shall remain ever so.”
“Mark my words missy, he will lift you up so high you cannot see the ground and then he will smash you into the ground and smear you with dirt, he will break you, wound you and strip everything away from you before throwing you to one side,” hisses Miss Tim her eyes blazing with fury.
“Can we go Saul, I have had enough, I said I would meet her and I have and I don’t like her. You don’t need to be around someone so….so toxic.” Miss Spect rises from her seat.
“Ladies please, can we not keep matters calm and have a mature discussion? I have tried to broker a sensible discussion between you both,” I protest raising my hands.
“No I want to go Saul, I don’t like her,” declares Miss Spect.
“That’s right you run away dear and put your head in the sand,” adds Miss Tim. Miss Spect makes for the door.
“I will wait outside Saul, are you coming?”
“Well if you feel this meeting is of no longer any use then of course, feel free to leave, I shall be with you shortly,” I smile pleasantly.
“Go on, run away, you will be sat here in a year’s time Prudence, oh yes you will. You are meeting yourself here you know, meeting yourself,” cries Miss Tim. Miss Spect leaves the room and closes the door.
“Got her brainwashed as well haven’t you, you evil creature,” sneers Miss Tim.
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” I continue to smile as I lean in close. The smile never leaves my face as I speak slowly into Miss Tim’s ear.
“I have you in my eye you crone and if you ever contact her again I will crush you little lady. I know where you have moved to. That red front door has just been painted hasn’t it?”
I step back and look into Miss Tim’s eyes. The flames have been extinguished and that familiar look of fear has returned, the one I know so well. I walk around the table and leave Miss Tim sat completely still, her eyes staring ahead as I know every memory of her torment is now playing through her mind.
“Such a pleasure to see you again, I am sure it won’t be too long before it happens again,” I cry cheerfully and then exit through the door.
Another successful meeting.
29 thoughts on “The Narcissist Manipulates : Triangulation and Character Assassination”
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Miss prudence Spect your time will come . I wonder if she will blame Miss Tim for his actions or if she will have empathy for her after she’s been devalued.
Is it Triangulation and Character Assassination too(in golden period or bronze period) when the former IPPS or IPSS calls send Messages to the freshly New IPPS and the New IPPS doesn’t respond (doesn’t knows who that person is) but sees pictures of the old IPPS or IPSS with the narcissist as profile picture on her whatsapp where the Messages were send with the question why the new IPPS has called her phone (but when looking trough the history of called numbers that # was/is never called). So the new IPPS ask the narcissist whats going on he sits like a robot blank says he is very angry and is afraid the new IPPS doesnt want to be with him anymore , blamed his phone being hacked by her and asks not to respond goes on and on how crazy that person is and that he haven’t seen or spoken to her for over a year than succeeds to blame his Mother for it all as well . To make the story short the New IPPS is confused keeps asking questions he tries to comfort her with telling her he wants to be with the New IPPS only and she can ask The old IPPS/IPSS questions if she really wants to but asks please not to do it because she could say bad or false things to the New IPPS.
Or is this the old IPPS/IPSS ruining it for the narcissist ?
It depends on whether the Former IPPS or Shelf IPSS is a narcissist or not.
Well a few stories about her and lifeless eyes in a few pictures did make me think she is . But I quess I will never know because I keep and always kept my distance.
Did my question come through?
Diabolical HG! 😳
Can you do dialogues like this with the Narc and DLS or IPSS?
Naturally I can.
LOL. I know you “can” in the literal sense. Duh, lol. I was talking about writing it in future articles. The narc would likely never introduce the DLS to an IPPS though.
FOTS, may I ask you a personal question?
Leanne, you don’t need my permission. I am sure it is something I probably I was already asked. But I am listening….
Thank you Gabby!
Ok..
*Knowing everything that you know now* (courtesy hg) how did being a DSL make you feel? Did you feel jealous? Neglected? Worth less as a proper mate? Or was it empowering? Did you feel a safe enough distance from his “negative fuel gathering” antics? in general: Was the relationship (pre-escape/discard) ever negative? Were you devalued before the discard/escape? Or do you still view that door open?
No judgement here. Only curiosity. XO
Leanne,
My replies are below yours.
Ok..
*Knowing everything that you know now* (courtesy hg) how did being a DSL make you feel?
~Clingy and in need of constant reassurance. I was never sure if it was because of the long distance or just my anxiety (likely a combo of both). Our dynamic has changed within the last year and we live closer now. We went from seeing each other 2-3 times a year to seeing each other 1-2 times a month. My need for reassurance has not changed and I find the intermittency difficult at times unless I distract myself.
Did you feel jealous? Neglected? Worth less as a proper mate?
~Yes on all counts but the jealousy is the worst. He always insists he loves her and will not leave yet he will still engage with me and make me think I have a chance. I am incredibly jealous of her but I also worry that even IF I had her crown on my head if I would enjoy it (I am often told I would not) and although it probably sounds sickening I often want a glimpse of what she sees/has. I struggle being shelved but the jealousy is a bigger burden.
Or was it empowering?
~I only felt empowered in the way that he came along and breathed life into me when I was emotionally dead. I felt like I was in a coma and he woke me up, amplified me and made life bright again.
Did you feel a safe enough distance from his “negative fuel gathering” antics?
~Yes. I have no idea what he did/does to others. The only times he got nasty with me were via email and text. And afterward he would always profusely apologize and pour on the sugar. In person he has always been pleasant. However I did deal with lots of what HG describes along the lines of deflecting/blame shifting, and the push and pull of periods of silence/shelving/ghosting. I was never gas-lighted or smeared. I was triangulated a handful of times with his wife, best friend, sister in law and coworker/friend. I am fairly certain the coworker/friend had an intimate relationship with him. He used to share details about her sex life with me, stuff that was beyond the usual personal things friends would share. (like how did he know she had a stash of naughty media, come on! He also used to talk shit about her and insult her to me as well. I often wonder what he tells others of me, if anything. Not that I would know as I never met them). I never met any of these people in person but I did hear about them so much and was told so much (both good and bad) that I felt like I knew them. Be that as it may I still felt like I was a safe distance away. I only met his theater group (not close friends) and a former coworker who we ran into while at dinner.
in general: Was the relationship (pre-escape/discard) ever negative?
~It had its ups and downs. The ups were intoxicating which is part of the reason I have not given him up. Yes there was negativity but again it only manifested over messaging and never in person. I never saw his “dark side” in person if that is what you mean. I could only try and imagine it when I read a nasty text or an email. I did not escape. I was discarded once (or so I thought) but it was only a 5 month break. I am usually shelved/ghosted on an intermittent basis. It is either total silence or a friend zone kind of attitude (withdrawing of “I love you” or anything sexually complimentary, being selfish/sloppy/sub-par in bed, etc.). He always comes back around and makes it up to me later though. It is almost as if he keeps an abacus or something.
Were you devalued before the discard/escape?
~Yep, see most of what I explained above. I did not escape. A few terms from HGs writing that I related with were “stranger zoned” and “wedge/golden wedge”. I got so many of those. Also heard “Do not take it personally, I am like this with everyone and I withdraw when I get depressed”. Heard that a lot.
Or do you still view that door open?
~The door is still open. I have made it my goal to not reach out first anymore and so far have been successful. I have been on the shelf since right before Christmas. (he liked one pic on Instagram a few days after Christmas, other than that it has been silent).
No judgement here. Only curiosity. XO
~No problem!
Very interesting, Gabs. Thank you for sharing.
re “yet he will still engage with me and make me think I have a chance”
It sounds like he is using *Intermittent Reinforcement* with you to keep you hooked and addicted to him. This is one of the main reasons why partners of narcissists do not leave.
IR is also used to get people addicted to slot machines. Gamblers do not know how these machines actually work.
Once you learn as much as you can about IR, this tactic will not be effective anymore. It will lose its power.
E.B.
No problem! Intermittent reinforcement. Yeah, that sounds about right. It is intermittent but it is also constant intermittent reinforcement. His “empathy” keeps him from permanently dismissing me from his life. (eye roll)
This is disturbing. A nice slap in the face. #reality
HG, can i ask you about a scenario when someone , let’s say a codependent or maybe a narc is married to a def narc and is aware of the narcs nonsense continuously but of course does not know what it is, but does know it’s weird , ridiculous , twisted and abusive, and this person trivialises the narcs behaviour, treats it as exasperating but is still flippant about it and proceeds to continue handling it by saying one thing to the narc and his camp so to speak and something altogether different to another set of people , ongoing as a way of life . This person in the middle ? is this a narc enabler ? or is this a narc triangulating?
If the narcissist is saying one thing to the other narcissist and something else to third parties, this would be triangulation and potentially smearing.
Thank you for your response and sorry to be a pain asking you further about this , it’s really a consultation needed. Can I just clarify that what you are saying in your response is
The person saying one thing to the narcissist and his flying monkeys and another thing to 3rd parties ? Yes that is triangulation and smearing , So is that person a Narcissist ? Or could a non narcissist do this ? I don’t mean occasionally , I mean for 35 years ongoing ? Could an empath or codependent behave like this ? as a way of life? if they are married to a narc ?
Your premise was two narcissists, with one narcissist engaging with the narcissist and also with a non-narcissist or non-narcissists. I have used your premise and explained the position as per my earlier response Lisa. I did not answer on the basis of one party being a co-dependent – you mentioned CD but appeared to change your mind about involving them in the premise.
Apologises , I know my explaination is confusing HG, thank you for your patience.
A def husband narcissist plus his camp.
A def not narcissist , let’s say a normal plus other normals.
Then in the middle the wife of the narcissist , who could look like an empath on whatever spectrum so let’s say a victim of the husband narc.
But this so called victim in the middle has always said bla bla to husband narc and his camp and a completely different thing to normals for many years, this naturally causes problems .
Is it possible the person in the middle is actually a narcissist ? if this behaviour is ongoing for years and could by all intents and purposes be a form of triangulation and smearing .
I just wondered whether non narcs married to narcs engage in this kind of behaviour ?
Or if any readers can relate to this?
The victim might see this as She does this thing of saying one thing to this group of non narcs and another to the husband narc and his group to keep the peace with everyone , however it has the exact opposite effect ? and causes a huge amount of trouble when it’s all outed.
Potentially, I would advocate a Narc Detector consultation so I can receive more information.
Well in my particular case the triangulation occurred, and even the presentation. But there was never any discussion. Although it was evident both to me and to the new prospect his presence was not welcome. As I enjoyed coal…
Now I think with pity that I spent a long time with my narcissist. Well, if I had gone out before, before my narcissist would have started the devaluation with his new prospect and he would not have fed on me.
You know, narcissists need the contrast of negative and positive attention. If you don’t give it to them, someone has to give it to them. Therefore it is better to retire on time, although this is unknown by inexperience…
Such a miserable way to exist. I wonder how the dominance feeling happens instead of shame or remorse.
I must say it is an hilarious tale, but not one I would ever star in.
Revenge has to be served ice cold. And he would never know I was behind the crumbling of his construct. Not out of fear, but why would I fight fair? Because I’m an empath? I am, but no. Why get my hands dirty? I prefer a dirty mind.
The next truckload will never know me. If and when I decide to execute my revenge. I already have the plan worked out, but I will wait till more busses have passed.
I like the Saul twist. Of course it’s not your name, but then again, maybe it is. I would not put it (or anything else) past you.
OH MY GOD ..that is so direct and didn’t half scare the crap out of me to read it, could be any of us on this site..
Saul?
I think he means “soul” as in “soul mate”….. am i right?
Yeah, he did. Saul Mate